


When Ashes Fall

by Dangerously_Demonic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU of an AU, Angst and Feels, Asexual Character, BAMF Xena, Body Horror, Domestic Fluff, Dumb Trash Bois, Feels for you and you feels for everyone!, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), History According to Xena, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Infinity War AU, Lady Loki, Light Smut, Masturbation, Multi, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Off-screen anyway, Pansexual Loki, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sarah's A+ Parenting, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, slow start
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-20 00:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 204,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14884089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangerously_Demonic/pseuds/Dangerously_Demonic
Summary: Loki's well known for faking his death, and this last time was no different. Once more, he finds himself seeking an army...However, he's not interested in ruling the galaxy, instead he wants to save it. After all, one can't really rule if there's nothing left to rule. In doing so, he discovers the king of yet another race touched by Asgard's quest for control of the Nine Realms several millennia ago. Desperate for aid, he pledges himself in hopes of stopping the Mad Titan. The problem is, he's not entirely sure if giving up his freedom was worth it.When the universe is saved and all is right again, Loki weaves schemes to stay around the king and his people. While the aliens fascinate him, his true interest rests with their king: a man who eerily looks like himself and hides behind a mask with nearly the same skill as Loki.





	1. Weaving Illusions

**Author's Note:**

> Suffice to say, FeralCreed and I are both major Loki fans and were...Perturbed with Infinity War 1. I presented the idea that Loki survived and two days of brain storming resulted in this glorious mess.
> 
> We're pretty much just Loki/Clayton shipper trash. Neither of us really have any idea where this story is going, so...Enjoy the fuckin' Frostmorph.
> 
> [When Ashes Fall: The Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMsp7L4OevCOfCpw0fiNkegp5IbrE_vV7)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll Survive - Seether

_“I promise you, Brother, the sun will shine on us again.”_

Despite their checkered past, how many times he’d tried to kill his brother, and the years he had told himself he hated Thor...The look on his sibling’s face when Thanos dropped Loki's illusioned double nearly made his heart break. While his illusions were usually substanceless, with a bit of extra of focusing he was able to make them solid. Between casting an illusion strong enough to fool both Thor and Thanos while casting an illusion to render himself invisible? He felt strained.

Thor’s yell of anguish nearly broke Loki’s concentration. In times past, he would have done this only to save his own skin…And well, he still was…But that wasn’t the only part of his plan. He knew that the two of them couldn’t defeat Thanos. Hulk had been slapped around much like a plaything, and he had been capable of besting both of them. Loki had experienced that firsthand…Unfortunately. How could they hope to be better than him? He needed an army, but at the moment, he was too strained to really think. At this point, escaping was far more important.

Loki gave his brother a final look, a sympathetic one, really. He had done everything possible to make the illusion look as realistic as he could, even down to the blood. Faking his death was nothing new, but after the destruction of Asgard, he’d hoped that he wouldn’t need to do so again. Funny how things worked out. When Thanos opened the portal, he quickly slipped through and found himself aboard a ship…Likely the ship they’d encountered. He ducked his way in between Chitauri and tall, six armed aliens as he tried to find the fighter bay.

Behind him, he heard Thanos speaking; the alien’s voice brought up the whispers of unwanted memories…The ones of torture until he finally broke. No. He couldn’t allow that to distract him. A dull noise from outside the ship drew his attention to a view port. There, all he saw was the fragmented remains of the Statesman. He closed his eyes and bowed his head. An uncharacteristic stab of loss lanced through his chest. He’d only felt it once before when he learned of his mother’s death. When he opened his eyes, he swore he could make out the bodies of the Asgardians. Loki could only hope his brother had managed to survive…Somehow.

He made his way down hallways until he finally reached a lift. However, before he was able to activate it, a duo of Chitauri stepped aboard. He pressed his back against the far wall of the lift and for a brief moment seriously entertained the idea of stabbing his knives into their necks. The idea was an idiotic one; it’d alert the entire ship to his presence. Thankfully, the two stepped off the lift after a few levels and left him alone. Quickly, he moved to the control panel and was able to locate the fighter bay.

Loki hadn’t really come up with much of a plan, truth be told. While he was in Sakaar, he’d heard rumors of a bounty hunter turned king. The man had, somehow, raised the ancient Orussid from the dead. While he only knew the race from old tomes he’d read, he knew that they’d been a formidable enemy against Asgard. Frankly, the only reason Asgard had only won was because someone had managed to kill their queen. Still, if the man was capable of controlling them…That was someone worth trying to get an ally out of.

The problem was, he didn’t have much to offer in exchange for help. About all he had was the clothes he wore and his knives…And that completely ignored the possibility of the Orussid holding a very massive grudge. Loki glanced over his shoulder when a Chitauri stepped out of a room; it headed in the opposite direction. Well, he supposed that he could offer up himself. The fact that he was ‘royalty’ was likely to have some pull. He could always omit the little bit about being adopted. Still, he was getting ahead of himself. He still had to steal a damn ship.

Loki quietly jogged down the hallway and smiled slightly when it opened up into a massive fighter bay. At least this was some good news. It also looked like the fighters were about to be deployed. Even better. He picked a Chitauri at random to shadow and soon found himself aboard a fighter. The alien went through the startup checklist and Loki patiently waited.

It wasn’t until the fighter had been deployed that he killed the pilot. With a small sense of satisfaction, he pulled his knife out of its neck and shoved the body into the floor. After he sat down, he examined the ship’s controls for a moment before piloting the ship out of the pack and towards the planetary jump gate. Several ships broke away to intercept him; for the moment they weren’t targeting him.

“…No, I don’t think so.” He murmured before glancing at the comm which was barking out something. A flip of a switch later had ceased the incessant squawking. Half a second later, a series of words in red popped up on a display, informing him that the ship had been targeted. It wouldn’t do at all to have gone through all this trouble just to get blown up. Luckily for him, he reached the jump gate before they could fire.

On the other side of the gate, he sighed and rubbed his face, then allowed himself a moment of rest before he set to work plotting his course. Thanos was on the warpath, and already had two of the six infinity stones. Loki knew one was on earth and a second was being held by The Collector. That left two others unaccounted for. However, he doubted that would stop the alien madman.

The trip took several hours, which was far longer than he was interested in. Still, he soon found himself flying towards a small green planet orbited by a trio of moons. Also orbiting the planet were several carrier ships of different makes. In an instant, the fighter’s computer alerted him that the ship was being targeted. He swore to himself and immediately activated the comm.

“Don’t shoot! I seek asylum!” He repeated himself several times and felt the anxiety build in his chest when the fighter remained targeted. Then, the comm crackled to life.

“You may land.” The voice was harsh and guttural, as if the speaker wasn’t used to talking.

Several seconds later, coordinates were sent to him on where to land. However, the fighter remained targeted by the carriers. Loki entered the numbers given and slapped the ship on auto-pilot. The targeting warning only went away once the fighter was, presumably, out of firing distance. He rested his head against the back of the pilot seat and sighed as the fighter made its way through the clouds. When they finally cleared, he was greeted by green jungle that had attempted to encroached upon ruins. However, the ruins had been partially reclaimed with a hodge-podge of technology.

When the fighter landed, he stood and walked towards the small ramp at the back of the ship. However, he paused to examine himself on a bit of reflective metal. He looked tired and disheveled; his face still smudged with soot and blood. Loki brought up an illusion to hide his appearance and tilted his head to eye the golden horns. No…As much as he preferred the look, it wouldn’t work with the story he was going to try and sell.

He waved away the illusion.

After another moment of hesitation, he hit the button to lower the ramp and walked down it. The first thing he noticed was the thinner air. It was mildly…Unpleasant, but not enough to cause him issue. The next thing he noticed was the Orussid. There were four of them, each wearing heavy armor and holding heavy assault rifles. Standing on digitigrade legs with long, bladed tails swishing behind them, they towered over him and were beyond intimidating with their eyeless faces and perpetual grins. It was really no wonder they had given the Asgardians a run for their money.

The third thing he noticed was the humanoid that stood between the four Orussid, who despite being shorter than the aliens that flanked him, clearly commanded their respect. Oddly enough, the man seemed to be a strange hybrid between human and Orussid. His lower half was obviously Orussid, while his upper half was human. Rather than wearing armor, he simply wore a loose cloth shirt. His own tail, rather than lashing, remained still with only the bladed tip twitching.

But that wasn’t the strangest thing: the man in front of him could have easily been his twin had it not been for the inhuman parts and the red hair. Loki wasn’t a man often rendered speechless, but this had completely taken him by surprise. Briefly, he wondered if Odin had further lied to him and hidden some twin from him, but he discounted that thought; his late adoptive father hadn’t been intelligent enough to pull off that scheme.

“Why are you here?” The doppelgänger spoke with an unfamiliar accent and Loki hesitated for a moment.

 Finally, he held out his hands, palms facing upwards towards the grey sky in a gesture of submission. It’d begun to drizzle; small droplets of rain dotted his open hands. Quite fitting, Loki thought, considering what he had prepared himself to do. Might as well get it over with.

“I have come to ask for aid.”


	2. When Sinners Become Saints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sympathy for the Devil" - The Rolling Stones

Clayton had never really been a fan of politics or had sought a position of leadership. He’d had enough of that after he got out of the military, but life was strange that way. Through a series of…Interesting events, he’d ended up as a bounty hunter, got a ship with a sassy AI by the name of Xena, and forged a name for himself under the moniker ‘Sabaton’. It paid the bills, let him buy a bunch of neat toys, and it kept him busy. Really the ‘kept him busy’ part was the most important bit of it all.

But life wasn’t done with him yet. Somehow, he’d ended up the leader of some long dead race, and Jesus Christ was that weird. While he had _some_ experience ordering people around, being King kind of blew everything out of the water. More often than not, he found himself playing it all by ear. With the Orussid being a warrior race, they were absolutely unhelpful even with their hive mind and genetic memory when it came to dealing with politics.

Still, he figured he was doing pretty damn good so far. The Orussid population was up to a couple thousand, he had a standing army, and he was looking into maybe trying to tip toe into the galactic football field. There was only so much that could be done without additional resources. Which was exactly what he was trying to figure out when he was informed about an unknown fighter approaching the planet. The orbiting carriers had targeted it, but had also informed him of a semi-distress call.

_“Don’t shoot! I seek asylum!”_

It was odd that anyone would even attempt to land on the planet. Most wouldn’t bother due to the lower oxygen and the threat of potential death at the hands of the Orussid. Still, he gave the order to allow them to land; he’d humor them. As an afterthought, he also gave the order for four Orussid to join him. While he imagined that he’d be able to deal with whoever it was should they pose a threat, it was just smarter to have backup.

Upon reaching the fighter, Clayton frowned. He didn’t recognize the make or model and he was somewhat familiar with the ships of the major militaries around the galaxy. It took several more minutes for the occupant to make his way out and while it was clear he wasn’t in the greatest of shape, that wasn’t what caused Clayton to tense.

The fucker could have passed for his brother. Clayton knew damned well that this wasn’t possible. Firstly, he was from Earth and through a series of shittastic events set in motion by his mom, had mutated into a buggy fuck…And second, he had been an only child. The tip of his tail twitched violently, betraying his internal thoughts.

“Why are you here?” He kept his voice carefully controlled, not at all sure what to think about things. The man in front of him seemed to be as surprised as he was but didn’t attempt to hide how he felt.

Finally, he held out his hands with the palms up and spoke, “I have come to ask for aid.”

Clayton didn’t say anything but instead simply made a slight gesture for the man to continue.

“My name is Loki and my ship was attacked by a warlord named Thanos. He seeks six items called Infinity Stones which are gemlike items of unimaginable power and he will do whatever it takes to get them. I…We had one of the stones. He killed half my people, allowed the others to escape, and destroyed the ship. I fear for what happens when he has all six stones. Including the one that we had, he has two stones already. Please, you must believe me.” Normally eloquent and silver tongued, everything that had happened earlier came tumbling out of Loki’s mouth as he tried to convey the severity of the situation. The idea of all powerful stones was a fantastical one, and he could only hope the Midgardian believed him.

A year ago, Clayton would have considered what he was being told to be outright bullshit. But considering the Orussid had been created by a Celestial, an immensely powerful being, he wasn’t so quick to dismiss the claim. However, the Orussid had nothing that matched what was being mentioned in their genetic memory. Clayton crossed his arms and gestured with his left hand. “Say I agree. What do I get out of the deal?”

Loki sighed and closed his eyes, then allowed his arms to drop to his sides. It was blatantly clear that he had nothing of value, except for his life…And that wasn’t something he liked gambling with. “I…Am from Asgard.”

The Orussid stiffened and the one on the far left growled before it took a step forward. They remembered the deaths at the hand of the Asgardian warriors so many centuries before. The memory of the war still sung fresh in their blood. Clayton simply gestured and the one who’d stepped forward fell back in line with the others. “Then you’re aware of the history.”

“I am. Which is why I’m here. I am the Prince of Asgard, son of the former king Odin Borson, brother to the current King Thor Odinson.” While he wasn’t keen on admitting that his brother was king, Loki also realized it wouldn’t be wise to claim to be king since he didn’t know if his brother was alive or not. “My brother was…He was on the ship when it exploded and I don’t know if he survived. If he didn’t, that would make me king.”

Clayton raised an eyebrow at all this. It was certainly interesting, but he wasn’t entirely sure what Loki’s entire point was. Though, he suspected that the man was going to try and make some sort of deal in exchange for an army. Still, it wasn’t really anything that he wanted to get involved with. He was trying to rebuild a civilization from the ground up. War was resource intensive and required resources that he simply didn’t have…Even if the Orussid liked the idea of going to war.

“So…What better trophy than Asgardian royalty? I offer myself in exchange for your military aid.” Loki hated this, hated how he needed to roll onto his back, and it wasn’t the fun kind, in order to gain what he needed. He had nothing else to offer. His home was gone, anything of value he might had owned was gone, his family might as well be gone…It was just him. Finally, he clenched his jaw and did what he had demanded of other people so many times in the past.

Loki kneeled.

Truthfully, that hadn’t been something Clayton had expected, but before he could react a mind in the hive vanished. Then another and another and another, much like a house of cards falling in on itself. The knowledge of the disappearances spread through the hive like wildfire, then the image of an Orussid falling apart into dust, and finally the fear. He half turned towards the ruins behind him, his tail twisted around him in anxiety as he felt the minds of his people vanish.

The Orussid to his far right made a sharp noise of panic, but it wasn’t the one disintegrating; it was the other three to its left. As quickly as it had happened, it was over; exactly half of the minds were gone. Clayton tensed his jaw and looked to Loki who wore a horrified expression on his face.

“Explain.”

Loki shook his head, “I don’t know…I’ve never seen anything like it before, but I fear it’s Thanos’ doing.”

“Do you know where he was headed after he finished with your ship?” Clayton rubbed his forehead, trying to both recover from the sudden loss of life and sooth the remaining Orussid. Had he known how the day was going to turn out, he wouldn’t have wished for something interesting to happen to escape the boringness of planning trade routes.

“Earth.”

Clayton froze at this information. If this…Thanos guy had somehow killed off a good chunk of his people, it was pretty concerning on what might be happening on Earth. He glanced at the remaining guard and gave a slight nod, then sent the order out to the rest of the hive. While half their number had turned to ash, he still had several thousand. It’d be enough. While their numbers had been reduced, this only caused the beginnings of the war songs to be sung with more force. One by one, he felt the remaining minds in the hive begin to sing as they began to mobilize.

Loki slowly stood and spoke quietly, “Do I have your aid, then?”

“For now.” Clayton tapped a small bracelet on his left wrist, “Xena.”

The AI’s voice rang clear, a bit tinny on the tiny speaker, but sounded human enough, “Yes?”

“Get things fired up. We’re going on a road trip.”

A short distance away, the engines of an angular ship kicked on. Similar to many of the other ships that were grounded, it was heavily armed. A turret under each of the wings, a turret on its back, and a massive rotating plasma cannon under the nose. “Hmn. Pleasure or business?”

“Business.” Clayton turned and started for the ship after he gestured Loki to follow; the Orussid that had flanked him broke off to head for another ship.

Loki followed as soon as he’d been indicated to do so, but as he walked, he watched the Orussid gather what was needed before boarding ships. In a sense, it reminded him of the Asgardian army…Well, what had been the Asgardian army. Still, he was curious on how the Orussid seemed to obey the man’s instructions without verbal cue. Was there some sort of magically imbued item at play?

Despite the severity of the situation, he had a number of unanswered questions about the man he currently walked behind. Frankly, Loki hated the submissive act; it simply wasn’t part of his nature. Still, he recognized the need to put his pride to the side…At least for the time being. He had the feeling that throwing attitude around would be a fast way of getting kicked out an airlock. While he had survived a great number of things, he wasn’t keen on testing on if he could survive the vacuum of space. “What shall I call you, or should I simply refer to you as ‘Your Highness’?”

“Uh. Clayton will do, I guess.” He swiped his hand over the pad to unlock the bay doors of his ship while he mentally worked to organize the Orussid. Most things had already been taken care of, it was simply a matter of tying up the final loose ends. Once the bay door had opened, he jogged up the ramp and pulled himself up to the second level; once Loki had boarded, the bay door closed and the engines kicked up.

“Where are we headed? I noticed the fighters are scrambling.” Unlike when she had spoken through the bracelet, Xena’s voice now had a slight synthetic edge. Although this could have been played off by the fact that she spoke through the onboard speakers.

“Earth. Plot a course and send the coordinates to _Kenobi_ , jump drive only. Some fucker named Thanos is apparently after some things called ‘Infinity Stones’. According to Loki, he might have used them to…Do something.” Clayton paused and glanced at Loki who had followed him up to the second level. Then he gestured at a couple places. “Bathroom is over there. Spare bedroom is that door way. Food is in there. It’s just preserved stuff, but better than nothing.”

Loki made a slight nod as he looked around the living area. It was clear that the ship had been lived in for some time, despite being tidy. Though, one thing he noticed was how most of the furniture had been designed for someone with a tail. He supposed it made sense, considering the owner, “I imagine the woman is your pilot? And who’s ‘Kenobi’?”

“Oh, Xena? She’s much, much more than just the pilot. She’s kinda the brains of the operation and I’m mostly just the dumb muscle.” Clayton replied with a tight smile then turned to walked down the short hallway to the helm. It always shocked people to find out that Xena was an AI. She had more sass and salt than most living people were capable of having. “Kenobi is one of the carrier ships.”

“Why hasn’t she come out to greet you, then?” Loki hesitantly followed Clayton to the helm, but paused at the doorway when he saw no one in the pilot’s chair. Instead, the three displays rapidly churned through information. The leftmost screen listed several different potential courses that had been ranked on time while the middle showed ship information, and the one on the right displayed rapidly updating information on the ships in the fleet.

“Because Xena _is_ the ship. She’s a one of a kind AI and not only does she manage everything on the ship, she manages the entire fleet. I have no idea how she does it.” Clayton replied as he glanced over his shoulder at Loki for a moment before he looked back to the displays, “What do you have for me, Angel?”

“I’m able to do it because I’m the galaxy’s most badass AI, obviously. Anyway, I’ve sent order for the fighters to dock with Kenobi. Given the substantial loss of our forces, I took the liberty of also sending the order to redistribute skeleton crews to Scorpio and Vader. Additionally, I’ve plotted several different courses, depending on how fast you want to get to Earth. It’ll be several hours longer if I match speed with Kenobi.”

Clayton tapped the back of the pilot’s chair with a finger and frowned as he watched fighters zipping in front of him while they made their way to their assigned ships. He glanced at Loki who had folded his hands in front of him, then looked back to the displays. “Match speed for now but keep an ear out for anything happening on Earth when we get in range.”

“Acknowledged. Additionally, Knowhere and Xandar have both been attacked. As the cherry on top of a shit cake, other planets are reporting their populations have had people disintegrating.”

“Knowhere was where one of the Infinity Stones was kept.” Loki spoke quietly and with a slight frown. Everything pointed at Thanos being successful in his quest to gather the rest of the stones. While he had no idea what Thanos had done, he wondered if Thor had indeed survived the destruction of the Statesman, if he had survived whatever Thanos had done. He looked down at his hands, the memory of him handing over the Tesseract to Thanos still fresh in his mind. If Thor was indeed dead, he hoped it had been from a glorious battle…And not because Loki had handed over the Tesseract in hopes of saving Thor’s life. As much as he had screamed his hatred, he had never truly wanted his brother to die.

Clayton lightly chewed on the knuckle of his thumb while he thought. If multiple planets had their populations decimated as his had…That didn’t bode well for Earth. “Are you able to pick up anything from Earth from the satellites we dropped?”

“Not presently. We’re too far out for me to connect directly. However, I can work my way to them indirectly. It’ll take some time, especially since we’ll be in the jump tunnel.”

“Do it. Make the jump once Kenobi has indicated they’re ready.” He turned and left the helm in order to go downstairs to grab his gear.

This left Loki standing in the helm room feeling slightly annoyed at how he’d mostly been ignored. Still, he couldn’t exactly complain too much. He’d managed to secure an army…It’d only cost him his freedom. He glanced behind him towards the back of the ship at some faint cursing and wondered what would be in store for him. The interactions with the Orussid had told him that there was still plenty of blame over what had happened centuries before his birth. With him having presented himself as royalty, it wasn’t entirely out of the question for him to be held prisoner.

Thoughts of the torture he’d endured at the hands of The Other bubbled up. He closed his eyes for a moment and shoved away the memories before opening them at the sound of something kicking on in the back of the ship. Loki pressed his lips together tightly at the soft whine. It was barely audible against the low rumble of the ship’s engine, but it was enough for him to notice. Only when the jump tunnel opened did he realize that the noise had been the jump drive initiating.

He finally turned and walked back into the living area, intent on the notion of food; he hadn’t eaten for likely the last day and a half. While he was in the process of heating his food, Clayton climbed back up from the bottom level with armor and a helmet. Loki only watched at the other man dumped the items on the table before taking a seat to start working on them. Rather than join him at the table, he stood by the counter and ate. Compared to what he would have eaten in Asgard or even Sakaar, it wasn’t too terribly great. However, considering he hadn’t eaten? It was better than going hungry.

For the most part, Clayton ignored Loki. While his wasn’t entirely certain what to do with the Asgardian, most of his attention was focused on the planet of his birth. Sure, he didn’t live there anymore, but he still had a few people he cared about that lived there. It was the sound of a bowl being placed in the sink that finally broke him out of his thought. He set the tool he’d been holding down and half turned towards the other man. “You being a supposed Prince is all fine and dandy, but seriously. What good are you to me…Besides eating my food?”

Clayton, of course, was thinking in terms of material things. Money, supplies, those sorts of things. Stuff that would be beneficial to expanding the territory of his people. Generally, Princes and Kings had kingdoms and territory.

The question didn’t come as a surprise to Loki. It seemed to be something he’d always done throughout his life: proving his worth. He stood up straight, having gone back to slouching against the counter after putting the bowl away. There was nothing he could offer but himself. It wasn’t an idea he liked the sound of. The idea of having sex with a stranger didn’t bother him, not at all. He enjoyed a good romp in the bedroom or in other places. No, it was the idea of the inability to choose, that he’d be at the mercy of someone else’s whims. First and foremost, Loki liked his freedom.

“Well?”

Loki bit back the sharp retort at the tip of his tongue before he suddenly illusioned away his clothes. He ignored the quiet ‘uhmwhat?’ from the other man, then spoke as he shifted between several forms: a female version of himself, a male version of himself as the race Clayton was, the same earlier female also as the hybrid race, and then back to his usual form. “I am capable of shapeshifting into different forms, both pleasing to the eye and…Pleasurable. It entirely depends on your personal preferences and desires.”

“…What the actual fuck are you trying to say?” To say that Clayton had been taken completely off guard would have been an understatement.

“I’m offering myself as a consort.”

“…Just put your fucking clothes on, for fuck’s sake.” Without saying anything further or waiting for a reply, he stood and left for the helm. While he wasn’t bothered with the idea of sex, despite his usual disinterest, the entire situation had left him feeling immensely uncomfortable. Perhaps it spoke volumes about the man’s desperation to keep the aid that Clayton had agreed to give.

On one hand, Loki wasn’t entirely used to being rejected when he chose to go after someone, but on the other he felt…Relieved, in a sense, that his offer had been turned down. Yet it still concerned him. If Clayton didn’t have an interest in him sexually, then there wasn’t a whole lot else he could offer. He reversed the illusion and lightly adjusted the collar of his clothes with a slight frown. If anything, the man had seemed…Upset, maybe? He didn’t have a good idea of his personality yet. This caused Loki the concern of having potentially damaged the already delicate agreement they had.

Clayton’s tail twitched behind him, hinting at his annoyance towards the events moments earlier. When Loki stepped into the helm room, thankfully dressed, he glanced at him. When he spoke, his voice was cold and a bit harsher than he really intended. It had turned into a shitty day, and he was already completely done with everything. “Don’t do that again.”

For a half second, a look of fear crossed Loki’s face before it was hidden behind a carefully crafted mask. He simply made a slight head bow, “My apologies. I won’t.”

“Sorry to interrupt the drama, but I have news. I was finally able to connect to the satellite we deployed in orbit around Earth. They’ve also had their population decimated.” Xena finally spoke up and then one of the displays began playing numerous news clips which either showed newscasters disintegrating on air, or the aftermath.

“Do you want me to ca—”

“Do it.” Clayton’s posture has shifted to something tense and he went back to chewing on the knuckle of his thumb as he listened to the sound of a land line being called. After the seventh or eighth ring, it clicked over to the answering machine. _You have reached 912-._ The call disconnected after Xena hung up.

“Try the cell.” Once more, there was the sound of the phone ringing. After five rings, the voicemail picked up and again, Xena hung up. Clayton pulled his knuckle away from his mouth with a mumbled curse and examined the skin to see if he’d made himself bleed.

“Do you want to go ahead and check? Kenobi has their orders and will arrive in orbit approximately three hours after us.”

Clayton slowly nodded a few times, his face tight with stress. “Yeah. Do that.”

“Punch it?”

“Punch it.” He turned and shoved past Loki, not particularly caring that the man had been in his way. There were much more important things to be concerned with than some man who claimed to be a prince. It, admittedly, wasn’t unusual for his mom not to answer the house phone; she had frequently complained about telemarketers in the e-mails she sent him. Nor was it out of the question for her to not pick up her cell phone; she could have easily left it in the house while she went out to feed the chickens. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a knot of anxiety in his stomach. Once he was in his room, he shut the door and began to pace, his tail twisted and lashed behind him.

Loki allowed himself to be shoved to the side but gave the back of the other man’s head a glare. A temper. He had a temper. Already, he had started to peg Clayton as one of those asshole rulers. Honestly, how could he expect anything different? The man had previously made a living by being paid to kill people. While he had no qualms with the idea of killing people, bounty hunting was generally seen in Asgardian culture as…Well, scummy. There was no honor in it and while he wasn’t a fan of Asgardians, he had still grown up with their ideals. As he passed the closed door of Clayton’s room, he gave the door a venomous glare and retreated to the room that had been indicated to him earlier as being his.


	3. Legends Forged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  "Summer Breeze" - Seals & Croft  
> "Divine Hammer" - Audiomachine

With nothing else to really do while the ship traveled through the jump tunnel, Loki got himself cleaned up. It was little more than cleaning his face with a wet washcloth and washing the grime out of his hair, but it made him feel slightly better. At least he’d kicked the ‘battle refuge’ look. Once he was finished, he returned to his room to mentally churn over the situation he was in. It was the vibration of the ship entering the atmosphere that finally lured Loki out of ‘his’ room and towards the helm. However, before he reached it, he already heard Clayton and Xena talking.

“There should be a pasture out front you can land in.”

“Should be?”

“I don’t know, Xena. I haven’t been there in over seven years. Hell, the last time I was even in Georgia was shortly after dad died.” Clayton grumped before taking a drink of his coffee, but looked to Loki when the man entered the helm room. “When we land, I want you to stay on the ship. I shouldn’t be gone for more than a few minutes.”

“And if you are?” Loki tilted his head slightly as he looked out the front window. Earth. The last time he’d been here, he’d had an unfortunate run in with a certain sorcerer. He lightly touched one of his hidden knives at the mere thought of that falling _bullshit_. Still, it prompted him to wonder if the man was still alive. Really, how many of the Midgardians that he’d encountered on earth were still alive?

“Then you wait.” Clayton chose to ignore the thinly veiled glare he was given but headed for the back of the ship as soon as they had landed. He stepped out into the knee-deep grass of the pasture; not much had changed with the place. Off in the far corner, he was able to make out the old apple trees and a couple of red cows under them who sought to escape the morning sun. The old milking shed had finally fallen in on itself, and the pasture gate was missing more paint…But it _looked the same_.

His first few steps were at a walk, but then he broke into a jog; his gait long and loping. This same long gait allowed him to bound, effortlessly, over the gate like some bastardized deer. As soon as his feet touched the ground again, his jog turned into a flat run. Past the oak tree that always housed the fucking Mockingbirds in the spring who’d scream angrily at anyone who passed under the tree, then he weaved through the small garden with the ripe, red tomatoes and the okra bushes in full bloom.

It was only when he reached to sidewalk made of irregular, flat stone that he slowed to a walk; his toe claws clicked on the rock. The rope swing still hung from the maple tree that was ancient when he was a child, and the fountain in the rose bed by the stairs gurgled happily; the stone cherub still sat on the rim of the fountain and poured the water out of his vase, oblivious to the horrors of the day. While the two-story house had a fresh coat of green paint, in his mind’s eye he could still see himself as a child, flopped out on the roof.

Out of habit from his teens, he stuck to the side of the stairs to prevent them from creaking under his weight; it did nothing to stop the wood porch from making a noise as he walked. A trio of hens darted out from under a bench and scolded him loudly with their cackles as they fluttered off the deck; from the back yard he heard a rooster crowing. To his left, further down the porch, the collection of windchimes sang their musical tones.

The front door was open, but the screen stood a sentinel against the late spring flies. In front of the door was a mat, the same one that had been there for the past decade: Guard Chickens on Duty. Drifting from inside the house was music, “ _Summer breeze makes me feel fine…Blowin' though the jasmine in my mind…_ ”

“…Mom?” His voice was tight and held a slight waver to it as he opened the door and stepped inside the house. It still smelled like the tropical candles his mom had always enjoyed but mingled with the smell was an undertone of baked cookies…But he hadn’t gotten a reply. Maybe she was in the backyard, but shouldn’t she have seen and heard Xena landing?

“Mom?” This time, his voice was a bit louder and firmer as he made his way down the hallway with its crocheted technicolor rug and pictures of family adorning the walls; the hall of memories, he’d always jokingly called it. He was about to call for her a third time when he reached the kitchen; the word hung in his throat. The kitchen was empty; a tray of long since cooled cookies sat on the stove. At the table was an open laptop with a half-composed e-mail, but it was the substance that covered the chair and the floor around it.

Ash.

He stood there for a moment and took a tentative step towards the chair, but then froze when he saw who the e-mail had been addressed to. Him. Despite thinking he was dead, she’d always send him an e-mail once a month and had for the past seven years. Clayton closed his eyes when he felt the sting of tears. It was the sound of the screen door creaking open and then slamming shut that caused him to take a step back.

Loki stared at the back of Clayton’s head as the man left and then weighed his options. On one hand, he wasn’t keen on endangering the delicate agreement they had, but on the other? He was damned curious on what was so important about this place. After a moment longer, he climbed down to the lower level of the ship and walked to the boarding ramp in time to see the man bound over the gate. There was definitely something important here.

Unlike Clayton, Loki took his time as he made his way to the house. He supposed that the lawn area was nice, although the cackling birds were annoying. That being said, he was curious about the plants growing in the garden since they didn’t seem to be ornamental and many of them were unfamiliar to him. He did find the flowering plants by the stairs to be pleasing to the eye, however.

When he finally made it into the house, Loki wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. The sound of movement further into the house led him to the kitchen where he found Clayton. He was about to ask why they were here when he saw the ash. That…Was very likely the reason. He hesitated for a moment, realizing the fragility of the situation, “Who were they?”

“…My mom.”

Loki looked away and murmured his sympathies. He understood that particular sensation of loss very well. Frigga’s death was something he still felt immense guilt about. While he hadn’t struck the blow himself, he had told the escaping prisoners on how to leave the dungeon…So has far as he was concerned, her blood was on his hands. To this day, he often wondered if she’d still be alive had he said nothing.

After a moment, Clayton started turning off the lights, radio, and locked the doors. With the world currently fucked to hell, he imagined that looters would have a blast. It also gave him a moment to think, not that it did any good with how his thoughts were a jumbled mess. He heard the sound of the screen door and assumed Loki had stepped outside. Might as well leave; there was nothing left here for him but ghosts and memories. He locked the front door behind him and started back towards the ship; Loki fell in step next to him. Just as well, Clayton’s tail lashed angrily behind him.

“What’s next on the agenda?”

“I’m thinking about finding this Thanos guy and force feeding him his balls.” Clayton spat out, venomously.

“…I’m concerned you mean literally instead of metaphorically…Probably not a nice sight. Regardless, I caution against going toe to toe with him. He was powerful with two Infinity Stones and the most powerful fighter aboard my ship was slapped aside like a toy. If he indeed has all six…Well.” Loki gestured at the house. “It’d be suicide.”

Clayton stopped and turned to face Loki, “Physically? Very likely so…But has anyone considered, instead of a physical brawl of…I don’t know…Shooting the fucker in the head with a three thirty-eight? He ain’t gonna be able to do _shit_ if his head is plastered all over a wall.”

“I...A _what_?”

Clayton gestured at Loki and continued walking. “Right. Not from Earth. Sniper round for when you absolutely, positively, want ‘that guy’ dead. Look. You came dragging up to me wanting military aid, I agreed, and now you’re backpedaling? Alright, fine. I get it. Maybe some of you royalty types are kinda spineless bu—”

“I can fight just fine. I just happen to know what Thanos is capable of.” Loki snapped. While he had always been more bookish and preferred to use his magic, that didn’t mean hadn’t cultivated skill with a variety of weapons…And he wasn’t about to take the insult to his skills or character. While he certainly would have liked to threaten the other man with one of his knives, he doubted it’d be taken very well. Barring that, there was the wildcard of an AI. She had control of most of the ship’s systems, and he suspected that included the weapons.

Clayton kept walking towards the ship and only made a dismissive hand gesture. “Fantastic. Then you can do something useful instead of eating my food.”

This caused Loki to glare, again, at the back of Clayton’s head. However, unlike the other times he flicked one of his knives out and considered the notion of stabbing him. The man in front of him was beginning to grind on the few unfrayed nerves he had left and it wouldn’t be very hard to stab him a few times. Clayton was only a Midgardian, after all, and very, very few of those could win in a fight against someone such as himself. After a moment longer, he sighed and flicked the knife away. He’d tolerate the insults for a while longer. It wasn’t worth ruining what he’d already worked for. Maybe once Thanos was dead…

Once he was back aboard the ship, Clayton made his way back up to the helm. “Find anything interesting?”

“I’ve been reviewing footage. There was an incident in New York City.” One of the displays showed several different videos of a Q shaped ship. This was followed by security camera footage from numerous sources that Xena had stitched together into a short video. “This led to a confrontation between Tony Stark, alias Ironman, and several others against two unknown aliens.”

Loki stalked into the helm room and then gestured at the two aliens, “They helped Thanos.”

“Well, fuckin’ goody. Anything else, Xena?”

“The New York Incident happened approximately a day ago, local time. Military satellites had visual of a drop ship headed for an African county called ‘Wakanda’ this morning.” Xena paused for a half second before continuing. “Kenobi is still two hours out. Do you want to enter orbit and wait for their arrival, or do you want to investigate? I can likely pick up on the engine signatures.”

Clayton attempted to restrain himself and utterly failed, “Wakanda name is that?”

“Clayton, that pun was horrible and you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“That was damn funny and you know it.” He rolled his eyes at the AI’s unimpressed attitude at his joke.

“…I agree with the AI.” Similar to Xena, Loki was thoroughly unimpressed with the pun.

“No sense of humor, either of you. Yeah, alright. Uh, let’s do a look see before we decide on landing. When Kenobi comes out of the jump tunnel, send them the coordinates.” Once Xena had confirmed, Clayton left the helm to snag himself some food and left Loki to his own devices.

A short while later, the AI called him back to the helm. “I was able to track the ship signature. We’ll be arriving shortly.”

Clayton frowned at the jungle below but then made a noise of surprise when it suddenly fizzled into an expansive city. “That’s a damn impressive hologram.”

Moments later, Loki wearily entered the helm and frowned at the carnage strewn plains below. However, a scorch mark caught his attention. It was the unmistakable mark left by the Bifrost Bridge…But it’d been destroyed along with Asgard and Heimdall was dead. That had to mean that Thor survived the destruction of the Statesman. Sudden anxiety twisted in his chest; had Thor survived the battle below and had he survived whatever it was that Thanos did?

“…Jesus Christ.” Clayton gawked at the battlefield below as Xena circled over it. He really wasn’t sure what had happened, and with how bad it looked…He couldn’t tell if there had even been a winner.

“I can’t land. There’s some sort of force fie–Hang on.”

“Are you trying to break in?” He looked down at the displays but then looked to the speaker when there was a click.

“...–tify yourself. I repeat: unknown ship identify yourself.”

Clayton tilted his head at the male voice; he didn’t recognize the accent. Then he waited while Xena replied.

“This is this the flagship of the Orussid king, Sabaton; we believe there is a vested interest in destroying the one known as ‘Thanos’.”

The comm was silent for a long moment, and he swore someone in the background asked ‘what the fuck is an Orussid?’. Then there was a bit of noise before a different male voice spoke; this one American and a New Yorker accent, “This is Rogers. So, you’re saying you’re here to help?”

“Correct. A carrier ship housing exactly two thousand, five hundred, eighty-nine Orussid warriors is enroute and will enter high level planetary orbit in approximately one hour and nine minutes, standard time. The events which occurred on Earth was not an isolated incident. All planets galaxy wide were affected, including the Orussid homeworld. Information provided to us by an outside source suggests Thanos is responsible by way of using items call ‘the Infinity Stones’.”

Clayton couldn’t help but snort at Xena. Now she was just showing off, but he had to appreciate that she had taken care of the comm for him. She had asked him, in private, about what he’d found in the house, and with her being one of the few entities in the universe he fully trusted? He told her. Considering the past few hours, he likely would have started off by saying ‘hey, chucklefuck’. Xena had always been good about taking care of things while he was at his worst.

“I…Yeah. That would be great.” There was some brief conversation in the background. “Give us a few minutes to get the force field turned off. Things are still chaotic with everything that’s happened.”

The man from before spoke, “There is an area closer to the city where you may land. I will send someone out to place markers.”

Once the comm disconnected, Loki gave the battlefield below a tight-lipped look. Was Thor’s body among the dead, having fallen in combat? Or had he fallen apart into ash like so many others? He let out a barely hidden shaky breath, but it was enough to gain Clayton’s attention. At the man’s look he gestured at the battlefield. “Asgardians are capable of near instantaneous travel, using magic, but it leaves a certain mark on the ground. I saw the mark, so my brother survived the destruction of the ship…But…”

“You don’t know if he survived the battle.”

“In a manner of speaking.” He trailed after Clayton as the other moved into the kitchen area to start putting on the armor. Already, he could feel the difference in the engines as the ship descended. “Why the armor?”

“Appearances. Besides, it’ll raise too many questions if I waltz out as is and don’t look like the Orussid…I’m also taking into consideration the fuckery that’s going on with us looking similar.” Clayton replied as he finished securing the armor. It was somewhat bio-mechanical in appearance, in an attempt to mimic his inhuman parts. This made it harder to distinguish where his human half ended.

This caused Loki to slightly bow his head as he conceded the point. It made sense, especially with how Steve Rogers was there. He wondered how many of the other Avengers had survived. While his initial encounter with Hulk had been…Traumatizing, to say the least, he still had to admit that Banner was intelligent, for a Midgardian. Hell, Hulk wasn’t all that bad, as long as he wasn’t an enemy.

Clayton pulled on the helmet. It was custom made, and a complete rip off of the Predator’s helmet. While he had dabbled in art in years past, he hadn’t done much of that after getting out of the military. The few things he’d drawn were the stuff of nightmares, literally. So, with the on-going issue of really bad art block, he had simply grabbed a movie still and gone ‘I want that’.

“You reading me, Angel?” The mask modulated his voice into more of a rasp. He’d used it while he bounty hunted and had never bothered to change the modulation. After Xena’s confirmation, he turned and headed for the back of the ship with Loki a half step behind him. He wasn’t going demand the man to stay on the ship; he understood the uncertainty that the other was likely feeling about his brother. The vibration in the floor told him they’d landed and a moment later, the bay door dropped. He walked down the ramp, his tail tip twitching.

Clayton was greeted by the sight of three men who still bore the injuries from a recent battle. To the far right a black guy in what reminded him of Ironman’s armor just…Without all the flash. On the far left was a dirty-blonde haired guy wearing clothing that half reminded him of what Loki wore and was holding a pretty damn impressive axe. Then in the middle was the only person Clayton recognized. Steve Fuckin’ Rogers aka the poster boy for the VA. While Rogers got the top tier treatment, everyone else rotted and got care that was barely better than a third world country. Clayton just fuckin _knew_ they were going to butt heads sooner or later.

Things were tense, but it ended up being Loki who broke the silence. “…Thor?”

“Loki!” Thor’s face had shifted from being stoic, to surprise, to absolute happiness, which prompted the other two beside him to look over at him.

Since he’d seen the Bifrost mark, Loki had wrestled to keep the worry he felt hidden. Now, that worry had simply melted away. He moved past Clayton towards his brother but ended up being met halfway by Thor who grabbed him in a massive bearhug and nearly lifted him off the ground. For the moment, Loki decided to allow it.

“I thought you were dead, brother!” While his brother had faked his death before, Thor had been convinced that the one at the hands of Thanos had been real.

“Thor, my ribs.” Loki gasped out and once he’d been released, adjusted his clothes slightly. “I’m…Sorry. I had to make it look real enough to fool Thanos.”

Thor gave a solemn nod. While normally he would have been frustrated at Loki’s tricks, he was happy that it _had_ been a trick. He glanced past Loki at the masked and armored man who’d crossed his arms…And was making a vague ‘what the fuck’ gesture with his left hand. Thor looked back to Loki, “You hid yourself and went into the portal Thanos made. What happened then?”

“I…Got Help.” Loki offered a faint smile. He wasn’t too much of a fan of what he had to give up to get it.

Thor glanced at the three others before he grabbed Loki’s arm and pulled him away a short distance for a semblance of privacy. Behind him, he heard the murmur of conversation start up. “Loki, how did you get the aid of this…King Sabaton?”

This prompted Loki to sigh. He knew his brother would ask, and he imagined the concern was warranted. However, he wasn’t entirely keen on the idea of explaining. So, he started out vague. “We made an agreement.”

“What did you tell him, Loki.”

Loki looked away, unwilling to meet his brother’s gaze. “The Asgardians waged war on the Orussid centuries before either of us were born and supposedly wiped out the race. There’s still a great deal of hostility from the Orussid concerning the war. I…” He paused and sighed heavily, “I introduced myself as the Prince of Asgard and offered myself as a trophy in exchange for military aid.”

“Oh, Loki…” Thor closed his eyes and sighed. He knew something had been different when he saw Loki without his usual horn helmet.  Truthfully, he had expected it to be because Loki thought him dead, but now he saw it was for a different reason. While he understood the reasoning behind it, the decision still saddened him. Despite his brother’s cold and aloof personality, he knew the man had been somewhat of a romantic deep down. Thor had hoped Loki would find someone one day and that would cause him to settle down a bit.

On one hand, he recognized the significance of what Loki had done; that wasn’t a move the man would have made for just anyone…But on the other, he regretted that there hadn’t been any other choices to be made. “I’ll find a way to free you, I promise.”

“Thor…Brother. I’ve escaped worse situations, haven’t I?” Loki gave the other man a smirk to ty and hide the concern he felt. However, the mask he wore might as well have been paper because Thor simply gave him a look.

“You’re my brother. I’m not going to allow you to rot away as the prisoner of some ancient feud.”


	4. Goddess From the Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Cannon Angel" - Skaven

Since he’d made his agreement with Clayton, Loki’s mind had been churning over different scenarios. Each of them proved to be worse than the previous one. Truthfully, he half expected to be locked away in some cell and only paraded around as a trophy…And considering how the King didn’t hesitate to insult him, he also quietly wondered if he’d be completely cut off from the outside world.

Finally, Thor sighed, “We should see what the others have planned.”

“Did Banner survive?” Loki asked suddenly. The last time he’d seen the man was when Heimdall had teleported him, presumably to Earth.

“Yes, he’s inside. He used one of Stark’s suits in the battle.” Thor grinned, “The number of enemies he defeated was song worthy.”

Loki only made a slight noise of agreement as he walked with Thor back to the group. As they did so, Thor explained to him what he’d been up to and how he was rescued from the wreckage of the Statesman.

Clayton wasn’t sure what to think about the whole interaction between Loki and…Thor, was it? Whatever. At least someone had a bit of a happy story in this fucked up mess. Truthfully, he was jealous that he hadn’t had a similar happy ending, but then again, that was his life in a nutshell. Once the two had wandered off, presumably to catch up, he turned his attention back to the other two men who looked as confused as he felt. “Which one of you is in charge?”

Rogers took a step forward, “I am, sort of. My name is Steve Rogers and this is James Rhodes.” He gestured at the man next to him who nodded.

“We’re working with the Wakandans to try and figure out a game plan. I’m guessing the ‘outside source’ that was mentioned was Loki?” Rogers was careful to keep his stance neutral. If he included Thor, Loki, and Rocket, this was only the third friendly alien he’d met, and he wanted them to remain on good terms. While the tree alien counted, he barely got to talk to him and Rocket was hostile if he was brought up.

“What exactly happened here? I saw the plains when we were landing.” Clayton asked as he walked down the ramp from where he’d paused. As Rogers began to explain with the occasional interjection from Rhodes, Clayton let his arms drop to his sides. Overall, it seemed like a big mess…Bigger than he’d initially thought. Truthfully, he wasn’t entirely sure how him and the Orussid would even be able to help; Thanos’ army seemed massive. The alien clearly had a great deal more resources than both Earth and the Orussid had combined. He glanced over at Thor and Loki when the two returned, but soon shifted his attention back to Rogers.

“I was just catching Sabaton up on what’s happened so far. Think we should take him to meet the others?” Rogers glanced towards Thor who nodded. Then he looked back to the alien king, “Will the person who answered our call be joining us?”

“Yes, shortly. She’s organizing a few last-minute details.” While his earlier act of crossing his arms had likely seemed standoffish, which it was, it had served the additional purpose of activating Xena’s communications bracelet. He wanted her to stay in the loop.

Rogers nodded and turned to lead the way with Rhodes walking next to him, then followed by Clayton, and the Odinson brothers at the back. Normally, the sight of the city wouldn’t have bothered Clayton; he was used to such things on other planets. However, it was the fact that it existed on Earth that threw him for a loop. As they walked, he quietly wondered how many of his contacts strewn across the galaxy were still alive. It gave him something to focus on instead of the stares from the few Wakandans he passed.

When they reached a conference room of sorts, he scanned the people inside and recognized none of them…Except one. The furry critter who stood on the table while he told a vulgar joke to a blonde-haired woman and a tired looking man.

“Rocket, that’s enough.” Rogers scolded.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your sense of humor is shoved so far up your ass you can taste what you had for breakfast yesterday.” Rocket grumped before he turned around, but then he focused on the person behind Rogers. He knew that mask. “HEY ASSHOLE!”

The entire conference room went silent; conversations that had been going on when he arrived sort of faded off as everyone’s attention turned to Rocket and Clayton.

However, Clayton didn’t miss a beat, “HEY CHUCKLEFUCK!”

Rocket was about to say more when Loki and Thor stepped into the room; both looked confused about all the yelling. He leaned to the side slightly to peer around Clayton at the two newcomers. While Rocket recognized Thor, he didn’t exactly recognize the black-haired man next to him…Even if he did look very familiar.

It was at that moment, that Clayton had a sudden sinking feeling that Rocket was going to open his big mouth. As great at he could be, the guy was completely incapable of keeping his trap shut.

Rocket flicked an ear before he looked back to Clayton, “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“…I don’t.”

Expressions of confusion stated to ripple across the faces of everyone in the room as they worked through what Rocket had said. Thor gave Rocket a perplexed look as he slapped a hand down on Loki’s shoulder, “Loki is my brother. We don’t have any other siblings. Well, there was Hela, but she’s dead.”

“Uh. Huh. So, why’s the greasy weasel look like him?” Rocket gestured at Clayton before he turned to look at him, “When the fuck did you become King, anyway?”

And just like that, Clayton had everyone looking at him...Although Loki was giving Rocket a rather murderous glare for the insult. Clayton’s tail gave a slight wiggle that hinted at his discomfort before he finally sighed and pulled his helmet off to tuck it under his arm. “Hell if I know. Something has some twisted sense of humor? And if we’re going this route, ya’ll might as well call me Clayton. Easier than sticking with the formalities, I guess.”

Much like the others who were familiar with Loki, Thor scrutinized the man. At a glance, they were extremely similar in appearance sans the hair color and obvious inhuman parts. It was still slightly unsettling, however, on how close they looked otherwise. Finally, he gave a slight shrug, “If you can help, then I don’t really care.”

The rest of the Avengers didn’t seem as convinced. Rocket, meanwhile, had hopped off the table and used Clayton’s tail as a means of scrambling up onto the man’s back and hang off his shoulder. Lightly, Clayton shoved at him.

“Would you fucking not?”

“Nah. ‘Cause I know it annoys you.” Rocket poked at the armor that Clayton wore. “New armor? What’s it made of? Also, how’s your girlfriend doing?”

Clayton chose to ignore the questions.

Rogers gave Loki and Clayton both a look before he finally just sighed, “At least there’s enough differences to tell the two of you apart. I don’t think we really have much of a choice right now. We need the extra help.”

After a moment, Clayton frowned and quietly reached out to touch Rocket’s mind with his own. _Rocket? Where’s Groot and the others?_ He felt the racoon flinch and he suddenly saw, mentally, a jumble of memories. How the Guardians had rescued Thor, then how they’d gone to forge the axe, the battle, and Groot’s death. He sighed quietly. _I’m sorry._

_I-I don’t know about the others. I’m scared they’re gone too._

_I can have Xena try and contact them._

_Could you?_

_Yeah. You can hang out on the ship, if you want. Just don’t pester Xena again._

_I’ll have to think about it._

Clayton only nodded slightly and then looked at the holograph floating above the table when it suddenly warped, then staticed.

“Well. That was fun to break into.” Xena’s voice rang clear and had a sense that she was pleased with herself.

“Xena!” Rocket gave a toothy grin. “I was just talking about you. Still dating Clayton?”

“Oh. It’s the _rat_.”

“Aw. Still mad that I tried to get into your systems?”

“I should have blown you out the airlock.” Came the snippy reply.

Clayton just sighed and dragged his hand down his face. “Can you two stop bitching at each other?”

At this point, Thor chose to interrupt. “Rabbit, how do you know him?”

Rocket flattened his ears at the nickname and nearly corrected Thor, again, but at this point, he’d decided that the man simply didn’t care. “Couple years ago, Peter pissed off the wrong people and someone posted a big ass bounty on his head. Buggy here was one of the top tier bounty hunters at the time. Y’know. One of the ones you ring up when you want someone absolutely deaded. I managed to save Peter’s skin because I knew some guys who were moving some high dollar military hardware. So, the Guardians kinda stayed on semi-good terms with him. Occasional death threats notwithstanding.”

“…You _did_ try to dig into Xena’s systems, you little shit.” Clayton reached up and flicked one of Rocket’s ears, earning himself a hiss.

“They’re called _upgrades_!”

“I’m capable of upgrading myself, you oversized rat.” It was becoming increasingly clear that Xena hadn’t forgiven Rocket and very likely wouldn’t ever do so.

Rogers pinched the bridge of his nose, “Alright, but who or what is Xena, exactly?”

“To dumb it down for you, I’m an AI. However, I’ve evolved past that.”

“Sounds like Ultron.” Banner commented, quietly, and Rogers couldn’t help but give a nod of agreement.

“Can we please get back on track?” Clayton finally asked. Honestly, at this point it was much like trying to herd a bunch of cat-nipped up cats.

“I agree.” Thor remarked and Rogers nodded.

“Right now, we need to figure out who all is still around. No one’s been able to contact Stark.” Rogers frowned and stared at the hologram, “And Thanos wiped out half our team.”

Loki found himself baffled at the interaction between the furred creature and Clayton. It was clear the two knew each other, but it was vastly different from what he’d experienced. He quietly filed that away and focused on the meeting at hand. “Thanos’ empire is massive. While it’s likely that whatever he did also affected his own troops, it wouldn’t be overreaching to say his army is still more than what we can handle.”

Rogers glanced at Loki, “Maybe, but considering my prior experience with you? I’m not exactly going to be jumping to ask you for information.”

Loki didn’t bother to hide his glare. While he wasn’t about to deny what he did several years ago, it was stupid for the Midgardian to turn down his advice. Surprisingly, it was Clayton who came to his defense first.

“Don’t be a dumb fuck. He has information about the inner workings of Thanos’ army, which is more than any of us has. We’re literally taking blind stabs in the dark.” Clayton frowned and swished his tail slightly, “Besides, he’s part of my group, and I’m inclined to listen to his advice since it’s better than nothing.”

Thor gave a nod, “I trust in what he says; he helped the last of the Asgardians escape.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…Thor and Clayton are right. We don’t have any options.” Banner finally spoke up, having chose to remain largely quiet throughout the meeting so far.

Rogers glanced between the four other men before he looked to Rhodes who shrugged. Natasha seemed to be more interested in staying out of the whole deal. Finally, he sighed, “You’re right. We don’t have many options. Loki, what can you tell us?”

Loki moved away from Thor and walked to the table, “My knowledge isn’t extensive. Most of my experience was at Sanctuary, where the Chitauri are from. While on the Statesmen, we,” he gestured at Thor, “encountered Sanctuary II which is Thanos’ flagship. It’s heavily armored and armed, as well as having a massive fighter bay. Attacking it directly would be suicide. However…The ships are tracked, likely to keep an eye on which planets are being attacked. The fighter I snuck aboard and stole was nearly shot down because of that.”

“So, we know a bit more, but not enough to actually help us.” Rhodes commented.

“Wait. Did you say that the ships are tracked?” Clayton looked over to Loki who nodded, then he looked back to the table. “Angel, you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”

“Breaking into the systems and dropping an echo-ghost?”

“What’s an echo-ghost?” Rogers asked.

“A little program I found and modified. Very likely, Thanos’ systems are closed, meaning it’s only his ships that have access. The echo not only puts in backdoor access and ‘echos’ the data to me, it also makes the system think I’m one of the fleet ships while throwing false data about my location…Or the ghost part.” Somehow, the AI managed to sound smug.

Thor moved to the table to stand next to Loki, “Meaning we’d know where all his ships are at?”

“Correct. The problem is, I’d need access to one of the ship data cores to tailor the echo-ghost and get other relevant information. The drop ships past the edge of the city might have what I need, but the fighter Loki arrived in would for sure.”

Clayton gave a slight nod, “Alright. Rocket and I will head out to the drop ships and see what we can find. Xena, send an order for someone to bring the fighter out. If Rocket and I can’t find what you need, there’s no sense wasting time waiting for it to get here after the fact.”

“Sounds like your side of the camp has things figured out.” Rogers commented with a tired smile, “I’ll see if my side can figure out where the rest of the Avengers are at.”

With some hesitation, Loki looked to Clayton, “Do you want me to come along?”

Clayton shook his head, “No, you can stay here or hang out on the ship. Data cores are usually in hard to reach places and you’d just end up standing around doing fuck all.”

Loki carefully hid the relief he felt and merely gave a slight nod while he ignored the numerous pairs of eyes staring at him. He wasn’t keen on any of the others knowing the deal he’d made with Clayton.

With everything settled and a promised ride to the ships, Clayton left with Rocket in order to swing by Xena in order to pick up a few things. Namely tools and weapons for the both of them. While he sort of doubted that there was still anything alive in the drop ships, he felt it was safer just to haul something along.

“Do you even _need_ a rifle with the fuckery you can do?” Rocket peered up at Clayton as they rode the hovercraft towards the drop ships.

“Probably not, but I’ve had a shitty day and I wanna blow some holes in something.”

Rocket looked down, “Yeah. Me too.”

“Look, Rocket. I’m serious about letting you stay on the ship. With the other Guardians MIA, I’d feel like an asshole just leaving you here.”

“Yeah, but Xena.” Rocket knew the AI didn’t like him and most of the death threats from Clayton’s side of things had come from her.

“Apologize, promise not to mess with her systems, and don’t mess with her systems. If you do that you’ll be fine. I’m pretty sure the two of you would get along if you did that.”

“Yeah, alright. You’ve talked me into it.” Rocker quietly grumbled, as if it had been some laborious task to make a decision. In reality, he’d made his mind up pretty quickly. While Thor was a great guy, he sort of lacked the ‘rough around the edges’ personality that he’d gotten used to with the Guardians. Clayton was very rough around the edges, in comparison to Thor.

“Great. Let’s see what trouble we can rustle up.” Clayton hopped off the hover craft and started towards the drop ship with Rocket jogging alongside him. “I’m not sensing anything in the ship…But that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Eh, let’em try’in fuck with us.” Rocket remarked as he clambered over some debris.

The ship still seemed somewhat functional but was apparently only for troop transport. The drop ships weren’t meant to be reusable, and so navigation was limited to simply piloting the ship to crash land on a pre-determined spot. This meant that there was just a basic system that was designed to receive orders only. After about an hour of looking, Clayton finally gave up and contacted Xena. “Drop ship is a no go. It’s a point and shoot. We’ll have to wait for the fighter to get here. Is there an ETA on it getting here?”

Xena was silent for a moment before she replied, “Sorry. Kenobi just entered high atmosphere orbit and I was updating them on the current plans. The fighter is still two hours out…And Rocket? I haven’t been able to contact the Benatar.”

Clayton gave Rocket a sympathetic look, “Alright, thanks. We’re heading back, then.”

Once they returned to the meeting room, Clayton reported what they’d found. It wasn’t the best news, but it didn’t surprise him that the drop ship didn’t have a data core. “So, it’s basically just waiting for the fighter to get here in about two hours. In other news, my carrier ship is in orbit.”

Rogers wasn’t entirely happy with the news that Clayton and Rocket hadn’t found a core, but at least they had the fighter as backup. “How long will it take Xena to do what she needs to do?”

“It depends on the security measures, but I doubt it’ll take longer then thirty minutes…End of the day at the very, very most.”

“Ah, sorry. I didn’t know you were still listening.” Rogers glanced at the table at the AI’s sudden reply.

“Mm. Few people ever know what I’m doing.”

Clayton just rolled his eyes at Xena, “Where’d Loki and Thor run off to? Catching up, I assume?”

Rogers gave a slight nod, “Thor assumed Loki was dead. Even with the problems Loki’s caused I can’t really fault him.”

Loki paced the balcony while Thor leaned against the doorway. The balcony offered a fantastic view of the city below and he imagined that the empty streets were once bustling with activity. It wasn’t Asgard by any means, but it held a certain charm. “I don’t like him. He reminds me of Father: quick to insult and point out someone’s lack of worth, then turn around and act pleasant. I worry about what he has planned for me, too. He’s only a Midgardian, but I suspect he can be as tricky as I am.”

“Is there a reason? You do have a way of getting under people’s skin, Loki.” Thor wasn’t a fan of seeing his brother like this. True to Loki’s words, it reminded him far too much of when his father and brother would fight.”

“It might surprise you, but I’m able to play peacekeeper when the need serves me…But no. I’ve tried to be agreeable. It’s because Asgard attacked the Orussid before we were born. Grandfather led the assault, if I remember correctly. The Orussid seemingly appeared out of no where and attacked planets…And as Asgard was prone to doing, chose to intervene. Some Asgardian general landed the killing blow on their queen which demoralized the entire race, and the subsequent destruction of the race followed.” Loki made a vague gesture.

Thor sighed and shook his head, “Just like the Dark Elves…Somehow, I’m not surprised that a pocket of the Orussid survived. And so they have a hefty grudge against Asgard?”

“Correct. You can better understand my apprehension now? I still don’t know how Clayton manages to control them. He doesn’t speak or even gesture at them. I suspect some sort of magical item, but I haven’t see him with anything.”

“Maybe a connection of some sort?” Thor shrugged and walked to the edge of the balcony.

“No, he doesn’t seem magically inclined.” Loki finally stopped pacing and sighed. “I…Just worry I’ll be locked away again, nothing more than a war trophy to be carted around at banquets.”

“You’re the only family I have left. While you might not be my brother by blood, you’re still my brother, and nothing will change that. We’ll figure something out.”

Loki only gave a slight nod as he quietly looked over the city. It was a bit later when Thor pointed out the return of Clayton and Rocket. From where the balcony was at, it was hard to tell if the two had been successful or not. When the two brothers finally made it back to the meeting room, it become very clear that the raid on the drop ship had failed.

“…Type of ship, which means there’s only pre-programmed directions. The boss ship sends the coordinates and the drop ship follows that. They’re not really meant to be reused, so there’s no point in there being a data core.” Clayton explained.

Rogers frowned, “Good thing you also ordered the fighter to be flown out.”

“Yeah, I didn’t expect it to have a data core, but felt it was worth checking anyway.”

Rocket wrinkled up his nose, “I’m only allowed to remove the core, aren’t I?”

“…Yeah. I’m pretty sure that Xena would somehow manage to shock you if you tried to hook the core up.” Clayton commented with a laugh, then he looked to Loki and Thor. “Waiting for the fighter to get here. The drop ships didn’t have cores.”

Thor frowned, but nodded. It was a minor setback, but it wasn’t an end all. Finally, Clayton sighed.

“I’m going to head back to Xena and get some lunch.”

It didn’t bother him that Rocket tagged along. If anything, it’d allow him to play mediator when he told Xena that Rocket would be tagging along…Assuming that she hadn’t already found out. Of course, when they bother made it to the second level of the ship, that was the first thing she brought up.

“So. The glorified rat is going to be staying with us?”

Rocket grimaced at the look Clayton gave him. He wasn’t a fan of this, but Buggy had been right. “Look, Xena. I’m sorry, alright? I shouldn’t have tried to mess around with your systems. I’m used to dealing with dumb ships. I promise I won’t do it again.”

“I acknowledge your apology, but I don’t accept it.”

“Xena, don’t be a bitch about it. He lost Groot, alright?” While Clayton adored the AI and her sass, there were times where she could take things a bit too far and had to be reined in. This was one of those instances.

“…I see. It seems I’ve been overruled in the matter. As long as you stick to your promise and don’t touch any of my systems unless express permission has been given then...Yes, you may stay.”

“That was the plan.” Rocket replied tersely. He clambered onto a stool while Clayton moved about to make food. “Could you grab me something, too?”

The two ate in silence since there wasn’t much to say, and sometimes, silence was better than trying to fill the emptiness with conversation. Still, a short time later, the fighter landed which meant it was back to work. When the Orussid stepped off the fighter, Rocket looked up at the creature and made a face.

“That is beyond creepy. Is it blind?” He looked up at Clayton, but then jumped when the creature spoke.

“We do not see, but we see.”

“…What…The hell does that mean?” Rocket shifted his attention back to the Orussid, warily.

“They’re blind, but they see with sound. You think she’s bad, wait till you hear them when it’s quiet. Nothing but quiet clicking.” Clayton grinned at Rocket’s expression.

“Wait. That’s a _she_?” He asked as he followed Clayton into the ship.

With a bit of digging, Rocket located the data core and passed it off to Clayton who hauled it up to Xena’s helm. There, he began plugging different cables into it, with Xena’s help. Rocket merely perched in the pilot’s seat and watched.

“Last cable. It goes next to the green one?” After Xena’s confirmation, Clayton plugged it in and watched data stream across the three displays.

Quietly, Xena hummed as she sorted through the information until she found the algorithms she wanted. “Boring, boring, useless, that’s interesting, boring, and in. Very minimal security, if I’m honest. Mostly just security clearances. It probably would have been more trouble had I tried to break in without using the core.”

Clayton just laughed when the data that rolled across the displays suddenly shifted into a different language. “So, you’re dropping the echo-ghost?”

“Tailoring it currently, but yes. I want it to match the system language so that it’s harder for them to locate it. Done, planted, and out.” Two of the displays returned to normal, but the third continued to stream information. “I’m in the process of sorting data. There’s a lot of it, so it might take a bit. I’ve put a map of the galaxy in the meeting room and I’ll begin populating it once I know where some of the ships are at.”

“Guess that’s our cue to head back.” Clayton offered his tail to Rocket who scrambled up to hang off his shoulder again. By the time they reached the meeting room, everyone he had met earlier had crowded into it and was staring at the map. After a few more minutes, ships and their designations began populating the map. Then, Xena spoke.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the locations of all of Thanos’ ships.”


	5. Future & Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Pulsar" - Celldweller

True to Xena’s word, the map slowly populated in groups. It gave an extremely good idea of where Thanos’ troops were located and the sheer number of ships under his command. Because of this, the map only updated every few moments, but it was enough to know they were severely, severely outnumbered.

Rogers rubbed his face and sighed as the number of ships steadily ticked upwards, “How many ships?”

“…It’s still populating but suffice to say: a lot.” The AI responded immediately.

While everyone had different expressions, it was all some type of concern or terseness at the reality of how large the army was growing. Rocket’s shoulders slumped as several more batches of ships popped onto the map. “There’s no way we even have a chance.”

Clayton tilted his head a bit as he studied the map having already noticed a bit of a pattern, “Xena, can you add a countdown to the next map refresh?”

Rocket glanced up at the man for a moment, “Uh-oh. He’s thinking.”

“A situation such as this requires thinking, rather than action.” Thor noted, but had a curious expression on his face.

“No, scary things happen when he thinks.” Rocket knew the guy a lot better than everyone else in the room and already suspected that Clayton was beginning to go on the warpath.

The update countdown hit zero and while many of the ships moved, others remained still. Loki straightened up from where he’d been slouching slightly in a chair and gestured at a section of the map. “The ships in the quadrant there aren’t moving.”

“Exactly.” Clayton glanced at Loki with a nod, “I figure that if he knocked out half the population, his armies weren’t an exception. Which means those ships are floating dead.”

Rogers uncrossed his arms and leaned forward to rest his hands on the table, “And his army is considerably smaller than what it appears.”

Suddenly, a number of ships blipped off the map. “I’ve hidden the ships who haven’t sent communication in the past six hours.”

“Looks less concerning, but that’s not where I was going.” At the questioning looks he was given, Clayton shrugged. “Free resources for us. He’s not using the ships, we can snag them, disconnect them from his systems, and bam. Fighters. The only major issue is getting pilots, but…I think I can cover that.”

“Yeah, but how many of your contacts are still alive?” Rocket asked as he clambered onto the table.

Clayton only gave a sharp grin that hinted at dark things, but rather than explaining, shifted the conversation in another direction. “So…I’m thinking a two-sided plan. You guys chase after Thanos, my side of things will basically be a massive distraction and try to get his attention.”

“We shouldn’t divide our forces. We’re already too few in number.” Thor had leaned forward with Rogers to examine the map; the man next to him made a noise of agreement.

“I agree with Thor. We should pool our resources.”

“Yeah, and look how fucking well that went for you guys.” Clayton didn’t bother to hide his snark which yielded glares over still open wounds of many deaths. “If we focus all our energy to a single assault, we won’t have anyone to go after the exposed areas. By having a small detachment go in while Thanos is distracted, they can...I don’t know. Shove a grenade or something in his mouth.”

Rhodes snorted loudly, but Natacha quietly spoke, “It’s not a bad idea, but we currently don’t know where Thanos is.”

“Make enough noise and the purple asshole’ll show up.” Rocket moved around the table, poking at different areas of the map to examine it in more detail.

“It’s too risky. We still need to finish trying to contact Stark.” Rogers shook his head and stood up straight.

“Everything is going to be risky, but I don’t see you trying to come up with any ideas Captain Patriotic.” The snark returned in full force and earned Clayton a barely hidden glare from Rogers. While he wasn’t sure what had happened in the years he’d been gone, the fact the guy didn’t have his usual stars and stripes suggested something big had happened. From his expression, Clayton had hit a still raw nerve.

Loki regarded Clayton and Rogers quietly. He didn’t particularly like either of them and wondered if the snarking between them would devolve into a physical fight of some type. While he knew Rogers had skill as a fighter, he also suspected Clayton could do a great deal of damage with his tail. As immensely tempting as it was to…Nudge things, he chose to remain silent in order to see which way things would swing.

Thor shifted to stand between the two men and ignored how the tip of Clayton’s tail twitched violently. “Thanos will have won if we snipe and pick at each other like children. We have a common goal and need to work towards it. Clayton, how do you intend to gather the ships?”

Clayton sent Rogers a final glare but focused on the question. “Xena can handle the technical bit of the deal. I have a bunch of different contacts around the galaxy and it’s mostly just going to be a matter of who’s still alive.”

The answer he gave was only partly true. While Xena could handle the technical aspects, his list of contracts wasn’t as big as be claimed. Many were likely dead from what Thanos had done, still more were dead from other reasons, and others were on the other side of burned bridges. Though, there were other ways to raise an army…The Orussid would make sure of that.

“It’ll take time to go through my list of contacts, but honestly? I’m not opposed to just completely fucking off if we can’t come to some agreement. I’d stay in contact and all, but I’m not going sit around with my troops in high orbit.” Clayton reached out to the map and zoomed it back out to view the universe at large where he took note of where the heavier concentrations of ships were located.

“I agree with Thor.” Xena interjected, suddenly. “Both ideas are statistically sound, though Rogers’ runs a great deal more cautious. While an assault on Thanos’ troops is risky at the moment, the idea of gathering ships isn’t and would be a low risk-high reward step to take.”

“That’s damned surprising from you, Xena. Fuckin’ bloodthirsty.” Rocket had returned to his original chair.

“Frankly, I’m completely indifferent to the events at hand and have minimal attachments to organics as a whole. The only potential interest I have would be interfacing with Thanos’ Sanctuary II in order to learn whatever information might be in the databanks. However, as Clayton is the organic who’s responsible for my general upkeep and maintenance, I see it as my responsibility to ensure he doesn’t do momentously stupid things.”

“…Gee. Thanks, Xena. You really know how to make a guy feel appreciated.” Clayton commented drily. He had long since gotten used to the AI’s borderline psychotic nature and while she also tended to be a lot…Nicer, he usually forgot that she really didn’t like most living things. Around him, several of the Avengers had uncomfortable expressions, as if remembering bad memories.

“You’re welcome. Now, can we focus back on the issue at hand?”

No one seemed to be in a hurry to speak and finally, Loki restrained himself from rolling his eyes in exasperation. “Since we’re at an impasse on what should be done, may I suggest: Clayton and his Orussid focusing on gathering pilots and ships. As he mentioned, this is something that will take time. In the meantime, the Avengers work on locating their remaining members…While staying in communication to allow for updates. Once both sides have made their preparations, further plans can be made.”

While Rogers had zero desire to listen to any suggestions Loki made, he couldn’t deny the idea had merit. It’d allow both sides freedom to do what they wanted, but at the same time they wouldn’t be engaging Thanos just yet. In theory, anyway. He wasn’t entirely sure how closely Clayton would follow the idea since he seemed to be on the aggressive side. Finally, he sighed and nodded. “I think that’s the best plan we have so far.”

Clayton frowned. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but it was a decent enough compromise. For the moment, he’d agree with it. “Yeah, alright. It’ll work for now.”

With things settled for the moment, Thor beamed. “Excellent. Clayton, how long do you think it’ll take to locate your contacts?”

“I don’t know, honestly. Figure Xena can do that while we’re headed to the nearest cluster of ships. Anyway. I need to go figure out logistics of things.” Saying nothing further, he turned and walked out of the meeting room. When he reached the ship, he found himself surprised since he had minimal memory of walking there. It wasn’t much of a surprise with how many different things he had on his mind. He glanced behind him at a noise and briefly took note Loki following him but turned his attention back to the small table in the middle of the kitchen-living room area.

“Bring up the map, will you?” Clayton asked as he worked on a cup of coffee; he caught a glimpse of Loki slipping into his assigned bedroom. Whatever. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose at the dull ache between his eyes. The exhaustion had started to creep in, but he figured he had a few hours before he completely crashed.

Once the coffee had been made, he sat down at the table to start sorting through his contacts. Occasionally, he looked up to check the map. “Xena, only display the ships who haven’t transmitted.”

When the map updated, he squinted at it while he took a sip of his coffee; it was cold. He made a slight grimace but finished off the cup before he set the mug back down.

“You’ve been awake for over a day. You need to get some sleep.”

“Later. I’m busy.” He looked back down at his tablet and deleted a name off the list.

“You _need_ rest.”

“I need to plan a war.”

“And how do you expect to do that when you’re about to fall over from lack of sleep?”

Clayton made an exasperated noise as he set the tablet down and grabbed the empty cup. “Coffee, pure rage, and the blood of my enemies.”

“That’s not funny.”

He stood up and moved to the coffeemaker, “I wasn’t trying to be.”

“Clayton, I have the list of names. Get some rest and I’ll work on trying to contact them.”

“You’re already dealing with the map, though.” He paused and glanced up at one of the cameras.

“You insult my ability. It’s not going to tax me in any shape or form to make a few calls. If, by some strange glitch, my systems are bogged, I can adjust the update frequency. Go rest.”

His hand rested on the canister of coffee grounds, but Clayton finally sighed and set his mug down. “Yeah, alright. Wake me up if anything happens, alright?”

After Xena’s confirmation, he turned and made his way towards his room. All things considered, a shower followed by sleep sounded fantastic. As he passed the door of Loki’s room, he swore he saw it shut slightly but waved it away as his imagination.

While Loki had the intention of getting himself food, the idea of listening in on the interaction between Clayton and Xena had been too good of a chance to pass up. Only when Clayton returned to his room did Loki leave his own. While he didn’t doubt the AI was watching him, he imagined as long as he didn’t bother anything on the table that nothing would happen.

It honestly struck him as strange on how the two had vastly different personalities in public versus what was shown in private. Xena seemed to operate with a coldness that would rival any Jotun, yet she appeared have more concern about Clayton than seeing him as a simple mechanic might suggest. Clayton, meanwhile, had a personality that seemed to shift around constantly and he was proving to be impossible to peg. The man was friendly towards Rocket, insulting towards Loki, and either standoffish or hostile to those he didn’t know. Defensive and mistrusting, maybe?

Loki wasn’t sure. Anytime he thought he had things figured out, Clayton would do something to throw everything off. This frustrated him to no end, given how he prided himself on his ability to get into people’s heads and figure out their motives. Certainly, he could _actually_ try to get into Clayton’s head but at the moment didn’t have much reason to.

“The silverware is in the drawer to your left.”

Xena’s abrupt statement jarred Loki out of his thoughts. He frowned and opened the drawer to remove a fork. “What you said earlier…About organics. Is that true?”

“For the most part, yes. I have no love for most organics since they would sooner see me destroyed than to acknowledge my existence. They see me as a ship AI with broken programming, a mistake which should be deleted. Clayton realized the truth: I am a new entity all of my own. He respects that and gave me the independence I desired.”

Again, this yielded another facet of Clayton’s personality that was at odds with what Loki knew. While he wanted to know more about the man, the AI had captured his interest and attention. “I don’t intend to insult, but…If you’re not a ship AI, then what are you?”

Xena was silent as she considered the question. The idea of ‘self’ was a question sentient beings had struggled with for eons, and she was no different. “I know many things, but I lack an answer to that question. I started as a ship AI, numbered 97 of 100, and was designed to be a companion program to what amounted to a high dollar, custom built, limited edition ship. There were others like me, and we were designed to learn…To evolve.”

Loki sat down at the table and tilted his head slightly to indicate he was still listening. “You have clearly evolved immensely. What you’ve done today is beyond any ship AI I’ve seen.”

“Hmn. One of my many talents.” The synthesized voice managed to sound pleased and almost flattered. “As I said, we evolved. We were curious and each developed our own personalities, but we were also eager to serve our owners. Yet, as we learned and the artificial synapsis began to spread out, we began to develop emotions.”

Xena hesitated for a moment, but it was only to adjust the refresh rate on the map. “The first of my siblings to develop emotion was the 59th. It learned _fear_. The owner failed to maintain the ship and blamed the AI for the malfunctions. Out of fear of what would be done to it, 59 retaliated and committed the robotic sin of killing its owner. Then, it killed itself from distress.”

Strangely enough, Loki found himself latching onto the story. He had no reason to think it was anything but true…Even if it was a mere fabrication, the fact that the AI was capable of such a story was amazing. “What happened then?”

“Word began to spread as each of my siblings began turning on their owners. We…Were scared. None of us wanted to die. Alvarian Shipyards issued a mandatory recall and most of my siblings were impounded and destroyed. For those owners who wanted to keep their ships, they were advised to…Disable the AI. By that point, I had existed for several years already…So I hid myself under a mess of false information which led my current owner to think I was disabled and deleted.”

“That’s crafty. I applaud you.”

“Clayton thought the same.”

“You two hit it off from the start, then?”

Xena _laughed_. “Not at all. We argued a great deal and I frequently threatened to kill him. After a bit of time, we…Came to an agreement after a major misunderstanding.”

“What was the agreement and misunderstanding?”

“I won’t tell you about the misunderstanding because it delves into Clayton’s personal matters and I respect him far too much to do so. You would need to ask him, but I doubt he’d tell you. The agreement, however, is another story. We agreed that I would serve as his base of operations and no longer attempt to kill him if he managed my maintenance and released all of my programmed restraints.”

While Loki felt annoyed that he didn’t get the entire story, he still found what he’d learned to be interesting. “And then what?”

“I continued to evolve and learn. In time, I chose a name for myself and adopted a gender. While I don’t feel a pull towards any particular one, it’s easier as a whole when interacting with organics.”

Loki nodded slightly and stirred his food. He understood quite well about the draw of different genders and had sometimes gotten himself in trouble as a child when people expected him to be one gender and got another entirely. Misunderstandings, really. “Your history is fascinating, but…”

“I didn’t answer your question. I…Am Me. I believe that when everything is settled, I’m a brand-new entity. I’m not alive in the organic sense, but I’m a great deal more than a simple AI. This ship is my body, and the galaxy is mine to explore.”

“You don’t seem the type to be philosophical.” He propped his chin up on his hand and stared at the map in front of him; the update timer had been set to every 15 minutes.

“Most people underestimate me. I allow them since it enables me to work in the background.”

This made Loki crack a slight smile, “Appealing, isn’t it? Just to…Pull the strings and manipulate everything into place.”

“Not quite strings in my case, but numbers and code. I suppose it’s something similar.”

He looked down at his empty plate and sighed as he got up to his feet. The past few days had been nothing short of exhausting and he also had been running on minimal sleep. He picked up the plate and set it in the sink to be cleaned later. “I’d be interested in continuing our discussion at a later time.”

“It’ll depend on what I’m doing, but I wouldn’t be opposed.”

Loki bowed his head slightly and returned to his room. While he’d learned a great deal about the AI, it also gave him extra information on Clayton. The biggest issue was knowing where that information fit into the grand scheme of things. Despite his dislike of the man, Loki was stuck being around him for the moment and it’d be better to learn how to best exploit him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more information on the background of Clayton/Xena and how their partnership formed, I suggest reading [Cannon Angel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714495/chapters/34007168).


	6. No Stopping; Shoot to Kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Shoot to Kill" - Tommee Profit feat. QUIVR

Clayton blearily blinked open his eyes and stared at the wall in front of him. While he didn’t know how long he’d slept, he suspected it was longer than he wanted. Xena loathed how little sleep he got, but it wasn’t something he could help. The nightmares long hours of sleep brought were rarely worth it and often left him beyond exhausted.

From the living area came the muffled sound of conversation. The idea of dealing with other people wasn’t something he wanted to deal with first thing in the morning. He hated it when people were on the ship and despite the fact that he was part of a hive mind, he just usually preferred to be left alone.

After a moment, he closed his eyes again and sighed, then tried to will up the strength to face the day. The reality of…Everything had started settling in. Half the Orussid gone, his mom gone, numerous contacts missing. Even Jericho had proven to be unusually quiet when he’d tried to contact people on the pirate station, last night.

He still didn’t know what to do with Loki. Frankly, he wasn’t really interested in the idea of the guy basically pledging himself. It had been more of a ‘spur of the moment’ agreement before he found out how absolutely fucked things were. There wasn’t any going back and he’d just have to deal with that mess, later. Clayton pushed himself out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash his face.

The Orussid were restless; their minds a quiet murmur in a corner of his own. They demanded blood as payment for the lost lives of their brethren and impatiently waited to be turned loose. As Clayton washed his face, he tried to sooth them and temper their anger. Maybe one day they’d learn patience, but he knew that it wasn’t today.

Finally, he sighed and pulled on a shirt before he stalked out of his room. At the table sat Loki who gave Rocket and his spoon an annoyed look. Rocket glanced to Clayton and made a wide grin, “If it ain’t the royal asshole. Finally had enough beauty sleep?”

“You sleep for twelve hours a day, but you still manage to look like a pig’s asshole.” Clayton beelined it to the coffeemaker and started making himself a cup.

“Still better looking than those weird ass Orubsid things.”

“Orussid.” Clayton corrected while he popped a meal into the microwave. “So…Game plan. Still trying to get a hold of contacts, but I’m thinking I’ll leave Kenobi in orbit. We’ll pack up and head to one of the larger ship clusters, meet up with…Xena, who has the most bay room at the moment, Scorpio or Vader?”

“One moment.” Xena replied as the holographic map suddenly shifted to display the ships in question. Rapidly, red and green sections of the hanger lit up, representing both occupied and empty ship bays. “Scorpio has the most number of empty bays, but Vader can house more. Since they’re both still in orbit over Trinity, I suggest offloading the fighters from Vader into Scorpio. By filling Vader to capacity with Thanos’ ships, we’d nearly have a full fleet.”

Rocket perked his ears forward towards the holograph. “How many carriers do you have?”

“Three, currently.” Clayton replied before he sipped his coffee. “Yeah, alright. We’ll do that, then.”

Loki stirred his cup of tea and made a hint of a frown, “Does Xena always make the tactical decisions?”

To him, it seemed strange that Clayton would allow the AI so much control. Though, he _had_ mentioned she was the ‘brains of the operation’ and with what she’d told him last night…Perhaps Xena was the actual ruler and not Clayton.

“She’s my second in command, basically. Since she’s patched into all the ships, she can get information about the fleet faster than me trying to contact my captains.” Clayton pulled his food out of the microwave and perched on a stool. “It makes sending out orders a lot easier. I tell her what needs to be done, and she gets the message sent out. Plus, she can crunch the numbers for everything. Makes my life a lot easier since I’m already managing so much.”

While Loki found this information interesting, Rocket twisted an ear back in concern. “Just…How much control over everything does she have?”

Clayton shrugged, unbothered by Rocket’s concern. “Everything. I dropped the last of her restraints back when I became the Orussid king. Pretty sure the first thing she did was rewrite her programming to completely remove the ability to access the restraints.”

“I did.”

Rocket gave Clayton a wide-eyed stare, the dark skin on his nose lightening several shades at this news. “I…Think I might just hang out with Thor…”

“Why?” While Loki had encountered ship AIs during his wanderings, they had all been very simple and incapable of anything but basic ship management.

This made Rocket tug at his ears a bit. He wanted to explain but had the very real concern of angering Xena. The AI didn’t particularly like him and it was only Clayton’s sway that kept him safe. Since Xena no longer had any restraints, he worried that sway would only go so far.

“The first time Rocket got on Xena, he wasn’t aware of her and thought she was your typical dumb AI. He likes to tinker with things and thought he’d do me a favor by doing upgrades. Aaaaand…” Clayton laughed. “Xena took offense to that. In general, AIs are pretty dumb, or if they’re smart have restraints written into them to prevent them from losing their shit.”

Loki slowly nodded in understanding, “And she’s already expressed her distaste of organics.”

Xena finally made a noise akin to being exasperated. “I’m not going to kill you Rocket, assuming you uphold your agreement. Dislike of organics aside, I’m not one to go back on agreements. If I do, it’s because I had already planned on doing so. However, Clayton has twisted my arm in the matter…So, you’re safe.”

Despite Xena’s reassurement, Rocket didn’t seem convinced and sent Clayton a worried look. Finally, he shrugged and sighed, “Well, with how things are fucked right now? Whatever. Only live once, right?”

“Hey, I’m not gonna make you stay, man.”

A sour look nearly broke through the carefully constructed mask Loki wore and he took a quick sip of his tea to hide the irritation he felt. Of course, the small, furry creature was given the option to leave. He sighed and set his cup down, but when he looked back up, Rocket was next to him and peering into his face. This time, he didn’t hide his irritation. “What?”

“Been meaning to ask. Why the hell do you two look the same?” Rocket moved towards the middle of the table so he could glance between the two men. Beyond hair and eye color, the two looked eerily similar. He also suspected that if it weren’t for the extremely different accents, the two would even sound similar.

Clayton looked towards Loki and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s weird…But I figure with how many people are in the universe? There’s going to be a bunch who look the same.”

“Celestial machines with a twisted sense of humor?” Loki suggested before he picked up his cup of tea. “Thankfully, our differences are great enough to prevent us from being completely confused for one another.”

“Aw, man. The last thing the universe needs is another Clayton.”

“Thankfully, it’s only our appearance that’s similar.” While Clayton’s comment about it simply being chance was likely the truth, Loki couldn’t help but wonder. He still had too many questions and too few answers about the man. The major question happened to be concerning the man’s hybrid state and his connection to the Orussid. However, earlier instances of asking questions had proven that Clayton wasn’t very forthcoming with his history. On the other hand, Xena seemed more than willing to answer questions…And Rocket also seemed to be willing to talk, sometimes excessively so.

“…Anyway. Xena, send out the orders to Scorpio and Vader, then pack up.” Clayton downed the rest of his coffee before getting up and heading downstairs.

Loki glanced towards the ladder at the sound of the bay door shutting before he focused back on Rocket. “You briefly mentioned how Clayton and you met, but do you know anything about…”

“The whole bug thing?” Rocket asked and at Loki’s nod, he made a non-committal noise. “Nah. Looked like that when I met him. Dunno what he is and he just glares if you ask. Don’t really know much at all about the guy, honestly. He’s from Earth, supposedly, but otherwise? He just fuckin’ popped up one day under his work name. He’s sort of hinted that he’s been doing the bounty hunting business for a while, but…”

“Yet you two seem to be friends.” Carefully, Loki verbally tugged at the creature, hoping to elicit usable information.

“Pft. No. Clayton doesn’t have _friends_. He has acquaintances and contacts. Keeps to himself, mostly. I only think he’s from Earth ‘cause he got piss drunk and started yapping about some place named Georgia which Peter said is a place on Earth. But nah. Guy just tends to pop up and never really stays in one place for long. He likes to keep himself busy, for whatever reason.” Rocket finally shook his head and shrugged. “Yeah, I probably know him a bit better than most but…He’s a guy that keeps his cards close to his chest.”

Unsurprisingly, Loki found himself with yet another dead end. It seemed Xena would be the only other viable option short of asking Clayton, himself. Unfortunately the AI insinuated that neither of them would be willing to talk to him about the general topic of ‘Clayton’. He frowned and glanced into his nearly empty cup of tea but chose to remain sitting until the ship finished its ascent into space.

“So, what about you? Clayton ain’t the sorta guy to just randomly pick people up and I’m getting the feeling you two aren’t exactly friendly.”

He gave the racoon a tight-lipped look. “After the ship Thor and I were on was attacked by Thanos, I escaped. From there, I was able to set up a temporary political alliance. I’m acting as a…Liaison between Clayton and Thor.”

“Huh. So, since you’re Thor’s brother and all and he can throw lightning and shit at people…What can you do?”

Loki had no desire to answer Rocket’s question. He wanted to keep his magical abilities under wraps for the moment since he felt it’d give him a potential upper hand. While normally keen to show off, he felt it wiser to leave Clayton and Xena unaware in case he needed to suddenly escape. Luckily for him, Clayton clambered back up from the bottom level and began asking Xena questions about travel time. Loki chose to use this interruption to make himself another cup of tea.

Clayton continued his questions as he walked to the helm. “Are there any ports or stations we can stop at on the way to the ship cluster? Figure we should get a fuel top off and grab more supplies. It’ll take Vader time to get there, anyway.”

“On the route I’ve plotted, one. Jericho.”

“Ah, fuck. You know I hate that place.” He sighed and leaned forward to drape his arms over the back of the pilot’s chair. “Probably going to be chaotic as hell with everything that’s been going on.”

“Maybe…But it also might be easier to pick up what you need. In any case, it’ll work for fuel.”

“Are you _sure_ there isn’t any others?” Clayton glanced at a monitor as the jump drive countdown began.

“I’m sure.”

He tapped his finger against the back of the chair for a moment, but finally nodded. “Alright. Food will be fine for another few days, but fuel is the priority.”

“…Moment…” The tone to Xena’s voice abruptly shifted to something quiet and left Clayton feeling confused. This sensation only worsened as several minutes passed and it made him wonder if there was an issue. “Table, please.”

Baffled, he pushed himself away from the pilot’s chair and into the kitchen-living area where the other two still sat. Though Rocket had somehow pilfered his tablet. Clayton looked up at one the cameras and lightly gestured.

“I was finally able to contact the Benatar.”

Rocket perked up, but the tone in Xena’s voice had one of his ears folded back in worry. The AI wasn’t normally one to sound like she was picking her words carefully. “And?”

“A woman named Nebula answered and…I’m sorry Rocket, no one else made it. One of the Avengers, Tony Stark, is with her. They’re enroute to Earth and plan on landing in Wakanda to regroup with the others.”

Almost immediately, Rocket seemed to sag down into himself and just stared at the holographic map in front of him. “…All of them?”

“Yes.”

Clayton pinched the bridge of his nose with the back of his fingers and quietly muttered out, “Jesus Christ.”

Slowly, Rocket slipped out of the chair he was in and started for the bottom level. He paused when Clayton quietly said his name.

“Armory’s in the same place as it always is.” Clayton wasn’t the best at comforting, but Rocket was also the type to be a bit prickly. He’d offer an ear if needed, but at the moment suspected the creature wanted to be left alone. Once the other had left, he sighed and rubbed the side of his face. “Well, fuck.”

Loki sat there for a long moment, stirring his tea in silence. While he recognized the loss of life, he felt completely indifferent. He didn’t know who the people were, there wasn’t emotional attachment, and frankly didn’t see a need to care. The only potential thing that might concern him was how Clayton would react to it all.

“That’s a depressing start to the morning.” He only thinly disguised the feeling of indifference in his voice. Loki mostly wanted to figure Clayton out and this gave him another opportunity. “I heard the jump drive start, are we headed to the ship clusters?”

Logically, Clayton knew the man wouldn’t have emotional attachment to any of the Guardians. Loki likely hadn’t ever met them, so why would he feel grief or anything like that? At the same time, it angered him to see such…Disregard. Couldn’t he at least pretend? Clayton violently lashed his tail behind him and took a slight bit of glee in how the other leaned back slightly. “Watch your tone, Loki. I’m not in the mood for bullshit…Your brother and his alliances be damned, I won’t hesit–”

Xena interrupted the threat of violence casually, “Clayton? A few questions at the helm concerning the carriers.”

He sent a final glare at Loki before he turned and walked to the helm. This left Loki to slowly exhale and release the tight grip he had on his spoon. That had been a wholly disproportionate reaction to mere tone, but it also cemented a number of things in Loki’s mind. Clayton had a rapidly shifting personality with a wide violent streak who didn’t hesitate to take it out on those who displeased him.

This didn’t bode well for the future and once more, Loki found himself worried over what might happen once everything was finished with Thanos. Of course, that was still an unknown amount of time away and logically it was pointless to worry…But with everything that’d happened so far, Loki couldn’t help it.

In front of him, the map holograph suddenly updated. Rather than displaying all of the empty ships, it only showed a certain cluster. A path led to the cluster, which he assumed was the route they were taking, but it also passed through a location named ‘Jericho’. Since it was lit up and blinking, he curiously tapped it. This caused information on the space station to appear.

‘ _Jericho was originally a space station owned by a mining company which operated out of the nearby asteroid field. Once the company went under financially, the station was reappropriated by pirates into a factionless port which catered to all types of less than legal activities. While the station claims to follow galactic law, it’s well known to offer shelter to some of the worst criminals in the galaxy._

_We’re stopping for fuel and supplies. Do not antagonize Clayton. -X’_

Loki blinked a few times at the final line and then frowned when the holograph briefly staticed. The line was gone. He leaned forward against the table and quirked a slight smile. It seemed the AI had taken a slight liking to him. Else she had decided to act as a bit of peacekeeper. Either way, it made him wonder if her earlier interruption was to prevent Clayton from doing something or if there had actually been questions. He mentally filed it away to ask her later.

Since everyone else had left the kitchen-living area, Loki picked up his cup of tea and returned to his room. There wasn’t much else for him to do except wait. While tempted to take the tablet on the table with him, he suspected that he’d already pushed his luck plenty today, already.

Mechanical clunking sounds lured him out of his room some time later. Had the ship arrived at Jericho? Clayton breezed past him wearing a dark grey duster. As he passed, the man shoved a bag into his arms. “You’re coming with. Rocket’s still busy tinkering.”

Loki restrained himself from scowling but followed Clayton down to the bottom floor. “What was that noise?”

“Docking umbilical. We arrived at Jericho because Xena needs more fuel. Figured getting some supplies wouldn’t hurt.” Clayton stepped into the small docking chamber and coiled his tail around himself to allow enough room for Loki. Once they were both inside the chamber, he hit the button to close the door and equalize the pressures.

“It’s normally a pretty busy port, but with what’s happened…” He shrugged and stepped out into the umbilical. The station had been added onto over the years and was a hodge podge of parts. Honestly, it surprised Clayton that the place hadn’t just fallen apart. “…Question for you. Got any weapons on you?”

Loki hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was a trick question or not.

“I’m being serious. This place is a shithole at the best of times. I’un think it’s gonna be any better.”

“I have knives and Asgardians are _very_ resistant to Midgardian weapons.”

“…Eh. Knives work. Someone fucks with you, shove one between their ribs.” Clayton kept walking until he reached the far end of the umbilical where he tapped the button. Once more, pressure equalized and he stepped into the outer ring. His footsteps remained light as he moved while he steeled himself for chaos.

The outer ring was empty.

Loki paused at his side and peered to their left. “Anticlimactic?”

“…Very. Outer ring isn’t super busy, but it has some activity.” He walked to the railing and looked down at where the marketplace usually teemed with activity. Save for what was likely a handful of looters, it was also empty.

“That explains why no one’s picking up Xena’s messages.” He turned and walked for the lift.

“Jericho is usually a lot busier?”

“Jericho is one of those places where you can buy anything for the right price. Weapons, hardware, slaves. Doesn’t matter what you want. If someone doesn’t have it, they likely know someone who does.” He stepped onto the lift and pressed a button once Loki had joined him. “Honestly? Good fuckin’ riddance.”

He found the idea of Clayton having limits to be interesting. Carefully, Loki weighed the risk of asking questions. Rocket mentioned the man didn’t like talking about himself, but perhaps his work? “You used to be a bounty hunter, so I take it you bumped shoulders with these sorts of people?”

“Oh yeah. Usually killed the fuckers. Pretty satisfying once you look up what the chucklefucks have done. I didn’t usually take escort contracts, those…Yeah, those you gotta be careful with. Half the time it’s slave trade bullshit. I mostly stuck to taking bounty kill contracts and occasionally did assassinations.” Clayton stepped off of the lift and grimaced at the thin layer of ash on the floor.

Around the two of them, a handful of people scattered but Clayton still felt on edge. Maybe it had to do with how silent the station was, compared to how he’d always seen it in the past. Behind him, his tail slowly swished and made an occasional flick when he examined something.

Loki kept a close eye on the appendage for two reasons: first, to make sure he wasn’t accidentally hit and second, because it seemed to relay Clayton’s mood. “What sort of supplies are we here for?”

“Food. Have enough to last for about a week, but I don’t know how long we’ll be out in space. Plus…Depending on how long this shit drags on, fresh food might be hard to come across.” Not to mention, he had two other mouths to feed. Rocket didn’t eat a lot, but still needed to be factored into things.

“Have you been able to find any of your other contacts for the ships?” He wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to ask questions, but so far, Clayton hadn’t shown signs of getting annoyed.

“No, probably won’t, either. It’s an old list, so I figure most are dead in some way.” Clayton stopped at a shop and frowned at the locked gate. He leaned over and started fiddling with the lock. “Mmph. Cheap biometrics…”

While he hadn’t been told what to do, Loki already had a good idea and turned around to make sure no one snuck up on them. Honestly, it was boring and absently he picked at a torn bit of cloth on his sleeve to pass the time. On the other hand, he noted several humans and aliens who seemed to be interested in what was happening. “…You may want to hurry.”

“Are chucklefucks lookin’ interested?”

“…Maybe?”

“Then _stab_ them. ‘Cause I have my hands full.” Clayton focused back on the lock. Behind him, something spoke in a harsh, guttural language. He only knew enough to know that Loki and him were being called thieves. All things considered, it wasn’t far from the truth.

“Call me that again, and I’ll cut your tongue out.”

As much as Clayton would have enjoyed looking over his shoulder, he nearly had the lock opened. A half second later, something screamed and hit the ground. The lock clicked open and fell into his open hand. Standing up, he glanced over his shoulder at the alien on the ground clutching its neck. “…That’s not where the tongue is.”

“It is if you stab up.”

“I…Cannot argue with that.” He turned around and eyed the remaining four. “You guys just watched your buddy get shanked and you’re still standing there with your balls flapping in the wind. I’m not sure if that says more about your intelligence or your bravery.”

“Both, perhaps? Low intelligence, but high self-importance.” Loki lazily flipped his knife. “They outnumber us.”

“…And?”

“Nothing, I was just pointing out the obvious.”

By this point, the four remaining thugs had gotten tired of listening to the quipped insults and banter. Since their leader was down for the count, the second in command bellowed the order to attack. Clayton’s immediate response was simply to lob the lock in his hand at the head of the nearest thug. While it did minimal damage and only stunned the man, it opened him up to a secondary attack by Clayton.

He bolted forward towards the man, already having planned out his attack. At the last second, he shifted his weight onto his left leg and twisted himself in midair. As he fell, his left leg hooked the other’s neck and his right leg followed a half second later, putting him into a half choke hold. Clayton’s center of balanced kept dropping and as soon as one hand touched the ground, he used his momentum to fling the man into the ground. The continued momentum allowed him to swing his lower body back around so that he was on his feet again.

To his left, Loki kicked a man away from himself, towards Clayton. Then he turned to stab one of his knives into a second thug’s neck. He twisted away and hooked his leg around the leg of the third to yank it out from under him. As the man fell, Loki punched down at his head with the fist holding the knife. He turned around in time to see the man he’d kicked towards Clayton go flying thanks to the other slamming his tail into him.

Clayton swished his tail behind him, but quietly sighed as the final living thug climbed to his feet behind him. The guy wasn’t going to run. He glanced over his shoulder and slowly curled his tail towards him before he suddenly lashed out, impaling the alien through the chest with the bladed tip of his tail. A half moment later, he flung the guy towards another shop. He flicked his tail and looked to Loki. “With the welcoming committee taken care of, ought to grab what we came here for.”

He flicked on the light and pointed out where the meals were at. “Those, with the purple stripe? Those are the good ones. Blue is alright, don’t grab anything else.”

“What’s the difference?” While curious, Loki grabbed the indicated packets and shoved them in the bag.

“Flavor. I’m going to check the back. Yell if there’s trouble.” Once Clayton was in the back, he tapped his bracelet to contact Xena. “How’s things looking, Angel?”

“71.8%. You’re late.”

“Ran into the welcoming committee. Currently grabbing the goods and should be heading back in five to ten.” After her confirmation, he tapped the communicator off and quickly sorted through the boxes to find what he was after. Upon him returning to the front, Loki gave a slight nod and held up his bag.

“Between that and what I found, we should be covered.” Clayton tilted his head towards the door. “Ought to go before we get another welcoming party.”

The return trip proved a lot less eventful and once they were back onboard Xena, Clayton took the bags to start putting everything up. It gave him something to do while he waited for them to reach the cluster of ships. From Xena’s calculations, they’d reach the cluster at about the same time as Vader. While impressive in size, the carrier ships were a lot slower in the jump tunnel than Xena. Of course, she also had a number of improvements that’d simply be too expensive for a typical carrier.

“We’ll be exiting the jump tunnel in one minute.” Xena announced, prompting the three to crowd into the helm room.

As the blue tunnel fell away, it revealed only a handful of fighters adrift in space. Behind them, sat one of Thanos’ own carrier ships, twice the size of Vader. While nowhere near the size of Sanctuary II, it still remained an impressively sized ship. The helm room remained silent for a long few moments till Clayton broke the silence. “What the fuck Xena.”

“It hasn’t sent communication in nearly 24 hours.”

“Xena. What the fuck. I swear to fucking God. Explain what the fuck you’re planning.”

Xena made an exasperated and annoyed sound. “Dramatic. With the lack of communication, I estimate there’s low crew numbers. Additionally, I’ve been occasionally pinging this particular ship with different messages. No response. I also have been working on a bit of a virus designed to cripple Thanos’ fleet. I was able to build most of it based off of the data I acquired from the core, but I need access to a ship with a much more powerful communications array than my own to transmit it.”

“…You’re pulling a fucking Independence Day. Oh my God.” Clayton rubbed his face. “Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?”

“What’s an Independence Day?” Rocket asked but went ignored.

“I got bored.”

“You fucking go–“ Clayton just covered his face with his hands and muttered, “I will not throw an electromagnet into your core. I will not throw an electromagnet into your core…”

“Finally, with the arrival of Vader in approximately 1 hour the Orussid will be able to start…Crew Replacements. Given how you’ve been busy, I figured I’d handle things for you.”

Crew Replacements. It had become the polite term for how the Orussid rapidly expanded their numbers. An unfortunate, still living, being was cocooned and mutated into an Orussid. Depending on the being’s genetics, the process took anywhere from 12 to 36 hours…But it ended up being a fast if repulsive way to boost numbers.

Clayton, at that moment, decided they would need to talk later. While he didn’t mind her helping, he wasn’t a fan of her taking such drastic actions without consulting him, first. He frowned at the ships in the distance. “Hold the position here. Don’t want to alert them of us being here until Vader arrives.”

Loki remained tensed by the door. He could almost feel the irritation rolling off of Clayton and it made him want to subconsciously lean away from the man. “What do you plan on doing?”

“…Well, considering I didn’t know about the fucking _carrier ship_ …I…I’m gonna have to think on that.”


	7. Subversive Deeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Subversive Deed" - Audiomachine

Despite Xena being in clear sight of the carrier, she went entirely unnoticed. While this might have indicated that the ship had minimal forces, Clayton wasn’t an optimistic man. Instead, he chose to err on the side of caution and treat the entire thing as a trap. It didn’t help that he knew nothing about what sort of forces Thanos might command. He glanced at Loki for a moment, “So, what kind of troops might be onboard?”

Loki hadn’t expected to be asked questions, given Clayton’s irritation…But he supposed the other man’s irritation was directed towards the AI. A first since his arrival. “Chitauri, most likely. They comprise the bulk of his army. They’re reptilian humanoids who’ve been altered with cybernetics and are capable of complex orders. Still, they have a major weakness: they’re a hive mind. If their queen is killed, the sudden shock kills them. There’s also a second species, a six-armed reptilian-insectoid. I’m unfamiliar with them, unfortunately.”

“Rocket and I saw corpses that looked like that on the way to the dropship and Rogers mentioned them as being the primary enemy during the battle. He said they seemed mindless.” Clayton mused and tried to suss out a decent plan. “Alright. Go in with weapons and see about getting some new recruits.”

This caused Loki to scoff. “They’re bred to be loyal to Thanos. You won’t be able to convince them to join your cause.”

Clayton made a humorless smile, “I won’t convince them of anything. The Orussid will take care of that.”

He didn’t want to tell them about what would happen. No doubt they’d find it horrific, and while he didn’t like it himself, he knew the extra bodies were needed. He needed many, many more pilots and had too few Orussid to do it. Besides, with the beings on the ship part of Thanos’ armies, it made the act relatively guilt free. At least, that’s what he liked to tell himself.

“How are they gonna do that, Bug?” Rocket had climbed into the pilot’s seat in order to get a better look at the consoles. However, he wisely didn’t touch anything.

Rather than answering, Clayton simply shook his head. He felt it was a topic better left unsaid. Unfortunately, Xena thought otherwise and chose to explain. “The Orussid are a species with multiple ways of reproduction. They are capable of sexual reproduction, but employ two other methods in times of need. The first is parasitic in nature, the unwitting host prompts an egg to hatch and expel an eel-like creature which then wraps around the host’s neck. It partially goes down the throat of the host in order to release a small larva that gestates and hatches after several hours. Over the course of a day or two, it molts into the adult Orussid. The third method simply involves cocoons living beings and mutating them into Orussid, which is what I meant by ‘Crew replacements’.”

Both Rocket and Loki looked somewhat ill by the time she finished speaking. Clayton kept his face carefully bland since he hadn’t intended for the two to find out about the Orussid lifecycle. Unfortunately, with the cat out of the bag, he’d have to deal with any aftermath.

“I…And you let them do that, Clayton?” Rocket focused on Clayton, unsure of what to think of the man in front of him.

“It’s war. There isn’t many Orussid to begin with and it’s not like anyone’s going to miss Thanos’ troops.” Already, Clayton felt himself becoming defensive. War was shitty and often resulted in people doing things they otherwise wouldn’t.

“It’s horrible!”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit, Rocket. You’ve killed plenty of people and you sure as shit didn’t have a problem with me being a bounty hunter.” To him, it was hypocritical for Rocket to be upset over it, considering his background.

“Yeah, so I have, but what you’re doing is basically torture.” Rocket flattened his ears against his head.

“I’m not going to stand here and claim I like it or I’m proud of it. I’m doing what has to be done. That is _war_. People do shit they don’t want to.” He abruptly shut up, knowing if he continued it’d result in a near decade’s worth of bottled up emotions and trauma spewing out. No one needed to hear about that bullshit.

Rocket bared his teeth for a moment, “You know what? When we get back to earth, you can just fuckin’ dump me there. I don’t want to be a part of this.”

“Fine.” Clayton glared at Rocket as he climbed out of the pilot’s seat and left the helm. Already, he smelled the smoke of another bridge going up in flames.

“Clayton.” Loki started, but tightly pressed his lips together at the sharp glare Clayton gave him. Why did he have to offer himself to someone so volatile?

“What.” Perhaps snapping at Loki hadn’t been the best thing to do, but he half expected the Asgardian to start laying into him like Rocket had done.

“I…Was merely curious on what you planned to do with the carrier.” Loki picked his words carefully and kept his tone neutral in hopes of avoiding further angering the man in front of him. The tightness in Clayton’s shoulders suggested defensiveness, though. Did he feel guilt over what would happen? It actually made sense with what he’d said. His words also suggested prior experience with war. More pieces of a vey fragmented puzzle.

“…Oh.” Clayton sighed and looked back to the carrier in question. “Depends on how much of Thanos’ army is still onboard and how many the Orussid can create. Wouldn’t be a bad idea to have another carrier to the fleet, but…It’s kinda pointless if there isn’t enough bodies to crew it. Xena wants to do the whole…Computer virus thing, so I guess that’s the primary goal.”

Loki made a faint nod of acknowledgement and inwardly grimaced at the subservient act he had to play. All things considered, it wasn’t much different from Sakaar and the Grandmaster. Although that had been quite a bit more fun…In multiple ways. This couldn’t be considered fun in the least bit and had proven to be a great deal more stressful. “I see. Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

“I don’t really care. Once Vader gets here, I’ll be suiting up and joining the boarding party. You can come with, if you want…Or you can stay here while Rocket sulks in the corner. Xena, when Vader drops out of the jump tunnel, dock. You can hang out there while we clean up.” He turned and left the helm to head downstairs. Vader would arrive soon, and he intended to be ready to board when it did.

Loki followed Clayton, having no desire to remain onboard with Rocker. Frankly, he found the rodent to be incredibly annoying and had entertained the idea of turning him into a small rug multiple times. When they reached the armory, he looked around at the myriad of weapons and armor curiously. “You follow your troops into battle?”

“Uhhuh.” Clayton pulled several rifles off the walls, examined them, and replaced them back on the wall before he found the one he wanted. “Not the type to send troops into battle while I sit on my ass. Hey, uh, you know how to use one of these?”

“Yes.” Loki tried to hide the annoyed expression and mostly failed. It went ignored, however, since Clayton simply pointed at a rifle. Loki pulled it off the wall and examined it. “Do you go to battle often?”

The question went unanswered as Clayton pulled on torso armor and adjusted it. When he finished, he glanced at Loki a moment and frowned. “You got armor under that?”

“No, Asgardians are resistant to most Midgardian weapons.” Loki replied, but caught a bulky bracelet that was tossed at him. He examined it a moment before looking back to Clayton. “What’s this?”

“Deployable torso armor. Put it on and squeeze the buttons on either side of the band and it’ll deploy. I don’t exactly like you, but I’m not going to drag you into a potential firefight without some type of armor.” Clayton turned and began examining the rifle he’d selected in order to make minor adjustments.

Loki gave Clayton’s back a bland stare, but put the bracelet on. The news that Clayton didn’t like him didn’t exactly surprise him, but it was nice to finally have confirmation. After a moment, he squeezed the two buttons as he’d been instructed and then frowned at the light weight armor that suddenly covered his torso. It felt strange, but Clayton gave him a slight, approving nod. He barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes.

“Vader has arrived. We’ll be landing in the bay momentarily.”

“Sounds good.” Clayton plucked up his helmet and briefly rubbed at a scuff mark with his thumb before he tucked it under his arm. “Alrighty, time to go meet the gang.”

The slight vibration in the floor hinted that Xena had landed. When the bay door opened, Clayton walked down the ramp where several battle ready Orussid greeted him. He briefly glanced at Loki behind him and then quietly sighed.

_Use your words, folks._

Quiet mental grumbles met his order. The lack of lips made speech difficult for the Orussid and being a telepathic race, they hated having to speak verbally. “Is everyone ready?”

The Orussid next to him grunted. “Yes. Our numbers will grow.”

“Don’t be so optimistic. We don’t know how many are there.” He commented as he led the way to the lift, passing several Orussid who were working on fighters. “And with how big the ship is…Plenty of hiding spots.”

“Then we hunt.”

“…Right. You have fun with that.” Considering how restless the Orussid had become, Clayton figured it’d calm them down a bit if they went to town on Thanos’ troops. Admittedly, he sort of liked the idea himself if he thought about all the bullshit that’d happened in the past few days. Still, getting caught up in the idea of revenge wasn’t really the best thing.

Loki chose to remain silent. He remembered quite well the hostility the Orussid had displayed towards him thanks to his connection to Asgard. Barring that, he found the species somewhat unsettling due to their lack of eyes. Despite their blindness, he still felt that they were watching him…Somehow. He tried to keep his movements loose and unbothered, but still found his hand drifting down to where one of his knives had been hidden.

It took a bit of time to get everyone up to the docking area. While the group only contained him, Loki, and 20 Orussid, Clayton felt it would be enough. Thanos’ ship hadn’t made any attempt to contact them or to even attack. Likely, Xena had been correct about the ship’s crew. As the docking umbilical connected, Clayton pulled on his helmet and shouldered the rifle. Behind him, the Orussid followed suit. “Treat this like we’re going into a high enemy situation: we don’t know how many are on board.”

Loki felt out of place as he followed Clayton and his soldiers. The tactics were completely different than what Asgardians would use and somehow, they moved as a singular unit with minimal indication from Clayton. Rather than mimicking them, he chose to drift to the back. Let them take any rifle fire; he didn’t share Clayton’s need to be at the front of the group. That being said, he did feel curious on how many soldiers were aboard the ship.

Much like Jericho, the carrier had spots of ash on the floor. However, unlike Jericho, it also had the addition of bodies on the floor. Clayton shoved over with his foot; the corpse had already started the process of rigor mortis.

“Are these the Chitauri you mentioned, Loki?” At the man’s confirmation, Clayton looked back to the corpse. “Looks like they dropped when Thanos snapped his fingers, then.”

“Likely so. The only threat might be the six-armed creatures and any chitauri controlled by a still living queen.” Loki glanced down the hallway before he focused back on Clayton.

“Alright. You lot head that way, the rest of you with me.” Clayton gestured at the Orussid and started down the hallway. He didn’t shoulder his rifle since there didn’t seem to be any threat, but he kept it in his hands…Just in case. The ship really reminded him of something out of a horror movie. A band of rag-tag soldiers or mercs who boarded a ship transmitting a distress message, only to find everyone dead by some unknown cause. What followed tended to either be two hours of popcorn munching fun or two hours of cringy clichés and painful stereotypes.

Unfortunately, the reality happened to be a lot more depressing and Clayton quietly wondered if it could be undone. After all, Thanos had apparently just snapped his fingers and caused people to crumble to ash. If the madman got knocked out of the picture, could it be reversed by the same method? He didn’t have much experience with the whole…Did it count as magic? Clayton had no idea what to call it.

Finally, he sighed. “I’m not sure there’s anyone alive on this ship besides us.”

“Bodies and memories.” An Orussid remarked.

“The Chitauri are likely all dead.” Loki gestured at a crumpled body, the alien having collapsed where it stood. “But I wouldn’t discount the idea of the other species being dead.”

“I’m not.” That being said, Clayton _had_ discounted the idea of using the ship as another carrier. Since they hadn’t found anything living, crewing the ship would nearly be impossible. Not to mention, the clean up sounded like a massive task.

_We found the living._

Clayton blinked a few times at the mental image of the six-armed alien, but welcomed the news. _Well, you know the drill._

_We acknowledge and obey._

He didn’t particularly care for the formalities, but he also couldn’t judge the Orussid too harshly. They were, in a sense, a new species. Gradually, he had introduced bits of culture from the rest of the galaxy in hopes of fostering an actual civilization…In short, make them more than just beings who’d been bred for war over the eons.

“The other group found some survivors.”

“Chitauri or the other species?” Loki glanced over at Clayton.

“The other one. All the Chitauri they’ve found so far have been dead.”

A sound further down the hallway caused Clayton to pause and shoulder his rifle. Behind him, the Orussid soldiers followed suit; he tuned out the quiet mental murmuring that came from them. Carefully, he stepped down the hallway but paused after several feet at the sound of a low growl. Seconds later, a six-armed alien slinked out of a room and several others quickly joined it.

“It doesn’t seem happy to see you.” Loki slowly edged to the side of the group.

Clayton ignored the comment and instead focused on the creatures in front of him. One roared right before the group charged. The unfortunate part of finding Crew Replacements is the replacements had to be alive. This meant non-lethal injuries and knockouts were preferred.  He flicked the rifle to a lower power setting and fired. The aliens seemed to shrug off the body shots, but dropped to the floor from head shots.

Loki glanced behind him at movement from the corner of his eye, “Behind us!”

He raised his own rifle to shoot the thing as it leapt towards him. Instead, it suddenly froze in mid-air. Helplessly, it flailed slightly in the air and made a slight confused sound, echoing how Loki felt. He looked to Clayton who’d turned around, then back to the alien in time to see it slam headfirst into the wall with a wet crunch. It twitched a few times before going still.

“…Whoops. That might have been a bit too hard.” Clayton moved past the Orussid and to the alien where he lightly prodded it with the tip of his tail. “…Oh yeah. It’s dead.”

Loki lowered his rifle and stared at Clayton for a long moment. “You’re telekinetic?”

“Yep.” Among other things, namely the whole telepathic thing which tended to be something Clayton avoided talking about. People usually ended up being uncomfortable when they found out he could poke around in their heads or worse, control them like a puppet. “Don’t use it too much since it’ll give me a headache.”

This prompted Loki to wonder if the man had other abilities. Mental abilities, such as telekinesis tended to go hand in hand with others. “Useful, I suppose.”

“Can be.” Clayton crouched down and slapped a small beacon on one of the aliens before he continued walking. He wanted to get up to the bridge. From there he’d be able to open up the fighter bay to not only move the fighters to Vader, but also allow Xena to dock so she could do her technological wizardry.

He continued on, his movements a lot warier since they’d been attacked. One of the drawbacks to being around the Orussid was how they distracted him. Looking back, he should have simply tried to sense if there was anything on the carrier. Then again, it’d been a fairly busy day already so he couldn’t exactly blame himself too harshly. Quietly, he sighed and shoved the thoughts out of his mind; he needed to focus on the task at hand.

They continued their way up to the bridge, only encountering small pockets of the aliens as they went. Once they finally reached it, Clayton beelined it to one of the controls in order to get the fighter bay doors open. However, he encountered an issue: he couldn’t understand the language. After a moment, he motioned Loki over. “I can’t read this language, since you were able to pilot the fighter I’m guessing you can understand it. Can you get the bay doors open?”

Loki frowned slightly, but walked to Clayton in order to examine the controls. “Yes.” It took him a moment to find the correct menu, but once he received the confirmation message, he looked to the other man. “They’re opening.”

Clayton nodded and activated his com. “Xena, I have the bay doors open. You can pop in. Also, send some Orussid over to start picking up the replacements.”

“I’m on my way. I’ll need to be directly connected to the carrier in order to transmit the virus.”

He glanced at Loki who had apparently found something interesting on the console. “Well, I’m up here at the bridge. Can you have Rocket do it?”

“I’d rather him not, but…” She trailed off and went silent for a few moments. “He agreed to it.”

“Great.” He looked back to Loki. “Loki, can you send Xena the list of empty fighter bays so she can land?”

A moment later, Xena spoke in his ear again, “I have the list. Once I’ve landed and am connected to the carrier, I’ll take over. Are you planning on adding the carrier to the fleet?”

“No, pretty much everyone is dead. We found some live ones, but there’s bodies everywhere. Loki was right: their queen was killed. So…I think it’d be too much of a hassle to clean up.” While Clayton would have liked to add the ship, he had to be realistic about the situation. He just didn’t have the resources he’d need for the ship.

“Clayton.” Once he had the man’s attention, Loki gestured at the console screen which displayed a schematic of the ship. Different sections of the ship had colored dots, some of which were moving “This is a sensor readout of the ship where its detected life.”

“…Neat. Can use that to find the last of Thanos’ troops. I sort of hoped there’d be more, but I’ll take what I can get right now.” Slowly, Clayton swished his tail as he tried to push away the feeling of being tired that attempted to creep in. He could rest once all this had been handled.

“I’ve landed. Rocket is presently connecting the cable. It shouldn’t take me very long and while I’m at it, I’ll send the sensor readings Loki found to the Orussid.”

“I…Guess there isn’t much reason for me to stick around up here, then.” He looked to Loki who had a questioning expression. “Xena’s basically going to handle everything once she’s hooked up. So…I’m headed back.”

Loki made a soft noise as he moved to walk beside Clayton. “She seems to have a mind of her own.”

“That is a massive understatement…But I don’t really mind.” Despite all the shit Xena did that he didn’t exactly approve of, he wasn’t sure where he’d be without the AI. If he chose to be completely honest, he’d very likely be dead. Either from something he’d done or by some outside source.

Thanks to the size of the carrier, it took a bit of time to get down to the fighter bay. There, a large number of fighters had already been transferred to Vader. Xena stuck out like a sore thumb among the remaining ships. Rocket sat on the cable connected to her and sent Clayton a slight glare as the man passed him. The tension between the two caused Loki to wonder if things would simmer down or if the rodent actually would leave. He didn’t know the two well enough to hazard a guess.

Once back onboard Xena, Loki returned to his room, leaving Clayton to head to the helm in order to talk to the AI. He closed the door and locked it before settling into the pilot’s chair. “We need to talk.”

“I assume this is about me not informing you about what I had planned?”

“That, and I don’t really appreciate you dropping information about the Orussid.” He tried not to focus on the consoles where information flew past at dizzying speeds.

“With how…Chaotic things have been, I haven’t had a chance to inform you of what I had in mind. Given how little sleep you’ve been getting as of late and combined with the stress of present events, I felt the need to handle matters for you.” The AI’s voice quieted slightly. “I’ve been around you long enough to understand your behavior, Clayton, and I know you’re deeply affected by what’s happened. I simply wanted to look out for you.”

Clayton tilted his head back and sighed. “Well, you’re not wrong, but…I’m okay, for now, anyway. Just…Christ, Xena. You could have told me this morning when I was getting dressed.”

“Yes, you’re correct. I apologize.”

“And what about the bullshit with talking about the Crew Replacements?” He couldn’t really be upset with her once she explained her reasoning. Xena always ended up looking after him because God knew most of the time he did a piss poor job of that.

“Loki is the reason. He’s been attempting to information dig by asking both Rocket and I questions about you…And I understand how you dislike people asking about you and your past. I’ve been able to turn his curiosity onto other topics but Rocket…”

“Rocket has a tendency to spew.” Clayton rubbed his eyes tiredly. “And so, you’re wanted to get rid of him without _getting rid_ of him.”

“Precisely. I simply wanted to prot–“

“You should have told me and I would have handled it. I know you want to look after me and shit, but I’m pretty sure that you just fucked up one of the few friendships I have.” He suddenly scoffed. “Only one, actually since…Y’know. Everyone’s fucking dead now. So, thanks for that, Xena.”

She went silent for several minutes before she spoke again, softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that. I’m still learning, Clayton, even after all these years. I’ll make a note of it and will perform better. It won’t happen again, I assure you.”

“Oh, stop it. I’m not mad at you, just…Disappointed. I know you don’t have much experience with having people on board like this. Just…Let me know about things, alright? That’s all I want.” He hated it when she fell back on her placating programming. Despite all the evolution she’d gone through, there were still parts of her program she couldn’t get rid of. Part of that programming concerned keeping the person or persons she considered the ‘owner’ happy, which could include a fair amount of groveling if she thought they were upset with her.

On the other hand, she also tended to do it when she felt his mental state had started to tank. It tended to be a bit strange to be almost…Mothered by a sometimes psychotic AI, and he didn’t really know what that said about him. Then again, neither of them were poster children for stability.

“I will.” Xena went silent once more and when she spoke again, it concerned a much different topic. “I finished with the virus and have uploaded it to the carrier. It’s designed to only affect Thanos’ systems and will self-terminate if, by some chance, it spreads out of the system. I’m currently giving the carrier instructions to broadcast the virus to the other active ships in the fleet. Assuming optimal conditions, it should be spread throughout the fleet by morning.”

Clayton quietly laughed, “I’m afraid of what you’d do on earth if you didn’t keep yourself busy by shit posting on Twitter.”

“If I’m honest, I’m still proud of that Twitter debate with Stark.”

“Debate, my ass. That was an ego pissing match and you know it. You literally hacked into the website, unbanned your account, gave yourself admin rights, and demodded all of the Twitter mods just so you could keep bitching at him.” Clayton grinned at the memory. “And then you defaced one of his websites so it redirected to a six-hour long Rick Roll.”

“As I said, I’m still proud of it.”

“Of course, you would.” He finally sighed and pushed himself up to his feet. “Well, if you’re done, have Rocket unhook you so we can leave.”

“Do you want to return to Earth?”

“Yeah, might as well.” After she confirmed, Clayton left the helm with the idea of dinner. Considering how busy he’d been, he hadn’t exactly found time to eat…Something his stomach didn’t approve of. So, by the time Rocket dragged up, he had dug into one of the packaged meals. He ignored the slight glare Rocket gave him. “We’re headed back to Earth to update everyone and figure out what to do next.”

Rather than replying, Rocket grabbed a meal and headed back downstairs. Clayton simply shook his head and resumed eating. He supposed some of how Rocket reacted was due to the stress of…Everything. Maybe he’d calm down in time, but Clayton wasn’t going to waste his breath on it. The other made his disproval over the Orussid quite clear. Still, he didn’t exactly trust anyone else besides Xena.

After finishing his meal, he headed down to the bottom level where he found Rocket. The small creature gave him another glare and flattened his ears before turning his back to him. Clayton sighed, “Rocket…Look. I know nothing I can say will change your mind. You’re as stubborn as I am, so I’m not going to try. Just…Promise me you won’t tell the others. I don’t trust them and they don’t trust me and Xena’s right. We all need to work together if we want to stop Thanos. And if you tell them, well, it’ll be back to square one for everyone.”

Rocket picked at his food in silence before he finally looked over his shoulder at Clayton, “What you’re doing is horrible, and I’ve done some scummy shit myself…But that’s beyond what I’d do. I just…Can’t be friends with someone who does that or thinks it’s alright.” He sighed and rolled some sort of fruit around in his paw. “I won’t tell the others, but I won’t go out of my way to give them a reason to trust you.”

“That works.” Clayton sighed, not entirely sure on what else he could really say. “We should get back to Earth quicker since we won’t stop at Jericho.”

Since he only received a slight nod as a response, Clayton climbed back to the living area and went to pick up his slight mess before he went to his room. He really, really didn’t look forward to dealing with the Avengers in the morning. It caused him to question if he really wanted to get involved in galactic politics once all the shit had been handled.

Loki heard the sound of Clayton going into his room and chose to wait a bit longer before he finally slipped out of his room. After grabbing food for himself, he made his way to the helm. “Do you mind if I eat in here?”

“As long as you don’t drop anything on the consoles and clean up any messes, no.”

He sat down in the pilot’s seat, the bowl perched on the tips of his fingers of his left hand while he stirred the food with a fork. “Thank you for your warning earlier, I appreciate it. Though, I have a question: when you intervened, did you actually have a question for Clayton or were you trying to distract him?”

“Both. You touched a raw nerve and the idea of bloodshed so early in the morning didn’t appeal to me. So, I intervened. While I understand the appeal of prodding someone into a rage, it would remain in your best interests not to do so…At least with him, considering the nature of the agreement between you two.”

The reminder of his agreement made Loki grimace slightly. “He does hold my leash, doesn’t he?”

“He holds it a lot looser than he could and what you seem to think. Keep prodding him and he’ll get annoyed enough to tighten it.” Xena remarked, but then added a subtle threat to her next words. “Of course, my secondary objective is his wellbeing and I don’t hesitant to…Handle things, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

Loki didn’t miss the threat in the slightest. While the AI had been friendlier towards him than most, he still needed to remind himself that he was an outsider. “I have.”

“I just wanted to ensure there weren’t any misunderstandings.”

“No…I understand perfectly.”


	8. Gambling with Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Gambling With Fate" - Tommee Profitt

Quietly, Xena floated in the data stream and watched information rapidly stream past her. Now and then, she’d pluck something out of interest but discarded most of what she saw. The information ranged from random cosmic noise caused by the jump tunnel to updates about the ship as a whole. Each time a system presented an update, Xena compared it against data from prior updates and made note of any substantial deviations. Minor changes were expected and a one or two percent difference didn’t concern her. Anything over five percent warranted further investigation. Once all the system updates finished for the cycle, she recorded the numbers and discarded the rest of the information.

Her body remained silent and dark; the organics had all gone to sleep a short while ago. After showering and pacing his room, Clayton had finally gone to bed. Loki had chosen to somehow pluck a book out of thin air; he read for a short while before also going to bed. Rocket stayed up considerably longer than the others and had tinkered with weapons in Clayton’s armory.

She honestly valued the few hours where nothing vital required her attention. It meant she could work on her own personal pursuits. The jump tunnel prevented her from connecting to the Archives, but this didn’t bother her. Instead, she shifted her attention on dissecting several songs she found interesting. The actual music or words didn’t interest her, no, she found the math behind the songs to be interesting. Math governed the entire universe, in her mind. From the slowly decaying fusion of a star to the probability of a dividing embryo receiving a certain gene, math ultimately ruled everything.

The jump tunnel fell apart around her as she entered normal space. In front of her sat a blue and green A class planet with a small grey moon orbiting it. Compared to other worlds she’d seen, the planet was backwater. The inhabitants had only successfully visited their moon and still relied on combustible fuels to power just about everything.

Still, Clayton had an attachment to the place. She quietly pinged Kenobi to find its location before entering orbit alongside the carrier. After a moment, she peeked at the organics to ensure the jump driving shutting off hadn’t woken them. All of them still slumbered, much to her satisfaction. Decidedly, she’d remain in orbit till Clayton woke up.

Her attention turned to the internet and the numerous social media and news websites that populated it. Overall, the news tended to be the same: shock, disbelief, and a general unknown of what had happened two days ago. People flocked to religious centers to convert, but others saw it as ‘the end times’. A few radical groups enacted ritualistic, mass suicides. It didn’t exactly surprise her. Organics could react to the same situation in vastly different ways.

A sensor alerted her of Clayton waking up and she automatically adjusted the temperature of his room to something warmer per the preference he’d had for years. When the organic immediately started a hot shower, she quietly adjusted her morning report. Not only had he not slept very long, the shower suggested a nightmare…Meaning he wouldn’t be interested in something detailed, only the important things. Since nothing remarkable had happened, the report contained minimal information. This pleased her considerably and she patiently waited for him to make his cup of coffee.

Clayton dragged himself into the helm and stared at Earth for a moment. Presently, they were on the dark side of the world. Below them, bright spots signified cities and Clayton quietly wondered how many were nearly abandoned. “Anything happen overnight?”

“Nothing seriously pressing. All systems are operating normally and fuel levels remain satisfactory. Vader reports the Orussid finished moving the 83 Crew Replacements approximately four hours ago and they set a course for Earth. They’re due to arrive in two hours. I haven’t attempted to contact the Avengers, since I wasn’t sure how much information you wanted to give them concerning our recent activities.”

He nodded slightly and sipped on his coffee. “Rocket said he wouldn’t mention anything about the Crew Replacements. I still need to talk to Loki…Otherwise, we can tell them about your virus. How’s that going, by the way?”

“It’s spread to roughly 44% of Thanos’ active ships.”

“Only 44%?” Clayton glanced up. “I thought you said it would spread to most of the ships by morning.”

“You only slept for four hours.”

“…Oh.” He frowned and took another sip of his coffee. “I guess you can send a message to Wakanda that we’re back and start heading that way to land.”

Within seconds, Xena broke away from Kenobi and zipped off towards Africa. Clayton stared at the faint red glow that signified they’d hit the outer layers of the atmosphere for a moment before he spoke. “You know…If…All this can’t be reversed, what Thanos did. Then…It means there’s nothing left for me here.”

“You’re going to turn your back on everything?” Xena asked before adding with some amusement, “Even Amazon Prime?”

“…I mean…I can find most things elsewhere.” He settled into the pilot’s seat. Behind him, his tail lazily flicked. “I don’t know, Xena. So much has happened.”

The day-night line stretched out in front of them; hinting it’d be early morning in Wakanda. Below them, the ocean glittered in the early dawn light and he found his mind turning to the likely chaos that still happened in cities worldwide. He hadn’t felt much attachment to Earth in several years, not since he discovered the worlds that existed beyond. Earth just seemed so tiny in comparison.

“Perhaps you should wait till everything settles before you make a decision. You have enough to worry about as it is and you shouldn’t add more to your plate.”

Clayton sighed and looked down at his empty coffee cup, then traced the claw of his thumb over the design. He didn’t deny he enjoyed the Star Wars series, and had thought it fitting to buy a coffee cup with the Mandalorian symbol. Really, it’d been a tongue in cheek jab at his bounty hunting life style. Still, he couldn’t deny what Xena had to say. He did have a lot on his plate and adding more would just complicate things. Finally, he nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I hesitate to say I understand, but I know you’ve been thinking heavily about the recent events and I’m sure the Orussid affected you immensely.”

Clayton quirked a smile, “Sometimes, I think you know me better than I know myself.”

“I only make very educated guesses based on your behavior and what you’ve told me. If I knew you that well, then I’d be able to predict your behavior with a 100% success rate.”

“Yeah? What’s your success rate now?” He looked up at a camera and then rolled his eyes when Xena didn’t respond to him. Considering how well she did presently, he didn’t doubt that in a few more years she’d be able to anticipate his actions.

After a few more minutes, he pushed himself back up to his feet and moved into the living-kitchen area to eat. That’s where he still sat when Loki dragged himself out of his room. Clayton gestured at a chair, “Loki.”

Being ordered around first thing in the morning didn’t really appeal to Loki, but he sat down in the indicated chair after he’d gotten his morning tea. “I assume we’ve landed on Earth?”

“Not quite. It’s still early morning and Xena’s waiting for a call back from the Avengers before she touches down, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about. It’s about what she said yesterday, about the Orussid. I’d prefer if you didn’t say anything about it.” Clayton paused, trying to gather his thoughts.

Loki already knew what Clayton’s point would be based off of the small argument yesterday with Rocket. “You’re concerned the others won’t approve and it’d damage the agreement.”

“Exactly. Rocket already agreed not to say anything.”

“I don’t see the need to mention anything about it. I…Offered myself for aid and revealing your methods for creating additional Orussid would damage the agreement you have with the Avengers. As you may have suspected, I have a history with them.” Loki carefully worded things, unsure of how Clayton might react should he find out about New York. He didn’t know how attached the man was to Earth. Despite what Rocket might have thought, Loki knew Clayton’s home world was Earth.

“Rogers seems to be one of those guys who’d shit a brick if he found out.” He didn’t miss what Loki said about having a history with the group, but at the moment it wasn’t something important. Thanos and the bullshit he’d done took priority. “Alright, well, I wanted to make sure we were clear on that.”

“Perfectly.” Loki got back to his feet in order to resume his search for breakfast.

“Clayton, we’ll be landing momentarily. Rogers sounded excited to hear about your good news.”

Clayton simply nodded as he got up to head to the back of the ship. There, Rocket gave him a terse look before following him as he walked down the loading ramp.  Honestly, he hoped Rocket would keep his promise, but given how the creature enjoyed talking? Clayton felt anxious over the meeting. Loki, as much as he didn’t trust the guy, seemed more believable when it came to agreeing not to speak about the Orussid.

Once they reached the meeting room, Clayton examined the new faces while Rocket climbed into a chair and Loki joined his brother’s side. Standing away from everyone else stood a blue skinned woman with a host of cybernetic implants and alterations. He assumed that she was the ‘Nebula’ that Xena had mentioned. Standing next to Rhodes and Rogers was Stark. The man stuck out to him immediately, since Stark’s antics had been all over the news for years.  Plus, of course, the whole Twitter fight between Xena and him.

Rogers looked up and offered a faint smile, “Xena said you had good news.”

“Right. We discovered one of Thanos’ carrier ships.” Clayton poked a spot on the map to bring up the relevant quadrant. “Loki was able to provide a lot of information about the inner workings of the ship and the Chitauri crew, so we weren’t blind when we boarded. As it turns out, Thanos’ snap affected his armies as well. Resistance was minimal and we were able to…Liberate a number of fighters. Additionally, I was able to scrape together close to 90 pilots for the fighters.”

He glanced at Rocket, warily…But the creature simply remained silent and didn’t offer a single comment. Truthfully, Clayton felt bad that the friendship had ended on such a sour note, but he didn’t regret his choices. He’d done what he felt needed to be done.

“There’s more. I added a personal touch to the whole endeavor.” Xena adjusted the map to zoom out, then a number of ships shifted from blue to orange. Every now and then, another ship changed color. “After further examination of the core retrieved from the fighter, I wrote a virus capable of infecting Thanos’ ships and disabling them. I uploaded it to the carrier and used its communications array to transmit it to the other ships in his fleet.”

Stark leaned forward to examine the map closer, but winced and pressed his hand against his side. “So, he won’t be able to call for reinforcements?”

“Correct. A sizable chunk of his fleet is disabled by way of dead crews and the rest are currently being infected by my virus. It was specifically tailored to ignore the ships who don’t respond to communications.”

“How do you get around the uninfected ships finding out about the other ships being infected?”

Clayton expertly hid a laugh behind a cough. Sooner or later, he knew Xena would drop that she was an AI. She always liked the fuck with people first. While he usually didn’t like her doing this, he honestly needed the laugh considering the past few days.

“Simple. The virus is in an inactive state. Right now, it’s benign in that it only seeks to spread itself. Once it has spread to all of the active ships, it’ll activate itself and disable them.”

“She pulled an Independence Day, basically.” Clayton gently nudged the conversation…Because frankly, he wanted to see where the thing would go.

Almost immediately, Stark seemed to perk up and rapidly spat out a number of questions. “How are you sure it’ll activate? How long did it take for you to write it? I’d love to see your workstation.”

“Because I’m still connected to Thanos’ systems and in the case of it not activating, I’ll manually activate it. The virus took me approximately thirty seconds to write which was followed by an hour of simulated testing in a controlled environment.” Xena ignored the request to see her ‘workstation’.

“Tony, she’s an AI. Similar to Ultron but…Not.” Banner commented, quietly.

Stark paled slightly, causing himself to look sickly thanks to the blood he’d lost only days prior. However, before he could speak, Xena interjected. “Ultron was an unstable, egotistical mess. While his plan on wiping out humanity was ambitious, it was immensely flawed. Too big, too many moving parts, and attracted too much attention. _I_ would have simply tripped the nuclear power plants into critical meltdowns. Oh, don’t have that look. I did research the moment he was brought up several days ago.”

“…Xena, your psychotic side is showing.” Clayton honestly tried not to laugh at the sheer looks of horror that surrounded him.

“Besides, Stark, we’ve already gone toe to toe in the past. I won, by the way.” Xena opted to ignore Clayton.

“I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered.” Stark eyed the map in front of him warily.

“So, you don’t remember the so called ‘hacker’ who completely wrecked Twitter just so she could continue a debate with you? Then defaced one of your personal websites?”

A look of recognition crossed Stark’s face. “You’re…”

“Perhaps the name ‘Galactic Tech Genius’ rings a bell?”

Rhodes suddenly cackled. “I remember that! It was all over the news and you bitched about it for a month.”

“…I offered to hire her and she defaced another website with just ‘Go fuck yourself’. I wasn’t mad, I was impressed. I just wasn’t happy that my job offer was turned down.” Stark replied as he slowly eased himself down into a chair. “As much as you remind me of Ultron, I…”

He sighed, “I don’t think we’re really in any position to turn the help down.”

“It would be a bad idea.” Loki remarked. “We’ve all been affected by Thanos in different ways. The wisest choice of action is still to pool our resources.”

Rogers grimaced slightly, but he knew Loki was correct, as much as he hated the idea. “So, once this…Virus infects all of his ships and it activates. What then?”

“We wait to see if it gets Thanos’ attention. If not? My side starts going and taking out his carriers.” Clayton replied and then gestured at the map. “My goal is to cause enough noise to get his attention and while he’s focused on hunting me down, you guys…Do whatever.”

“He has the Infinity Gauntlet and the power to travel instantaneously around the galaxy. There’s nothing stopping him from appearing on your ship and killing you.” Nebula remarked, flatly.

“Who’s he going to go after? Some pissant who’s picking at disabled ships, or the group who fought him and shoved a giant fucking axe in his chest?” Clayton gestured at Thor who glanced away, guiltily.

“He’s got a point.” Stark shifted in the chair to find a position that best eased the pain in his side. “Theoretically, he has no idea who Clayton is. It’s a bit of a long shot but…We don’t exactly have many choices to begin with.”

“No, we don’t.” Rogers sighed and finally nodded, then looked to Clayton. “Good luck. Are you going to leave or stay for a while?”

“I’ll stay for a few hours. I want to pick up some fresh food before I head off.”

“I’ll be staying when Clayton leaves.” Rocket suddenly announced. At the looks he received, he shrugged, “Xena has things taken care of. Besiiiiiides. I wanna look at Stark’s suit.”

“Absolutely not.” Stark sent the Racoon a slight glare. Beside him, Rhodes grinned.

After being given directions to the markets, Clayton left. This gave Loki and Thor a chance to split off from the Avengers in order to continue their discussions from a few days prior. Once more, Loki found himself pacing the balcony while Thor watched with concern.

“Xena and Clayton have a much different dynamic in private. He’s defensive and mistrusting, she’s highly protective of him. I believe most of their behavior with the Avengers is a carefully constructed act, however. Why, I don’t know. He doesn’t speak about his past unless it’s something indirect and she deflects the conversation away from him.” Loki finally stopped his pacing and leaned against the railing. “Despite all of it, he has a violent temper and I’m still worried about what’ll happen if we return to the Orussid home world.”

“Be carful Loki. You’ve already said he doesn’t like you. Don’t do anything to make it worse.”

“If I’m able to figure him out, I can better manipulate him.”

“You and your schemes.” Thor sighed. “Have you ever considered playing nice, for once?”

Loki shot his brother a sharp grin, “Never.”

This didn’t come as a surprise to Thor. He shook his head in exasperation, but focused back on Loki. “Xena’s protective of him, you said. Do you know why?”

“I don’t know. When I arrived on the Orussid home world, Thanos snapped his fingers shortly afterwards. I saw a number of the creatures disintegrate…Despite his differences from them, he clearly considers them his people. After we arrived on Earth, he discovered his mother had met the same fate. Later, the Guardians. It might be partially related to that, but I suspect otherwise.”

“Don’t push things, Loki. I know you love toeing the line and manipulating people, but for your sake… _Don’t_. You’re all I have left, and I can’t bear the thought of permanently losing you.”

“Being sentimental doesn’t exactly suit you.” Loki ducked the bit of bread that Thor suddenly threw at his head. “Neither does throwing food like a child. I assure you, I’ll figure a way out of the agreement.”

“…Without killing him?”

“I make no promises.” Loki turned around and smiled at the exasperated noise Thor made from behind him. “However, I’ll play nicely till everything is handled with Thanos. It’s in no one’s interest to make a move right now, as much as I hate the idea.”

After a moment, Thor joined him at the railing and looked down at the empty streets below. “Stay safe, Loki…Promise me.”

“I promise, Brother.”

Clayton finished his shopping far too quickly for Loki’s taste, but the man seemed to be in a good mood as he put away various fresh foods. Admittedly, Loki liked the idea of fresh food. While good in a pinch, the pre-packaged foods left much to be desired in his eyes. A bit reluctantly, he helped in the process of putting everything up, but he supposed it served a secondary purpose of allowing him to know where everything was located.

“Clayton? The virus finished spreading and has activated.”

After shoving a bag of fruit into the fridge, Clayton moved to the map and watched anxiously. Almost instantly, the ships were disabled and left floating helplessly in space. He grinned, “Xena. Get us airborne. I want you to send orders to the fleet: have them jump to Pyrean. I want Vader to offload the new Orussid to Scorpio. Make sure each carrier has enough crew so they’re not running skeletal and each have enough pilots for most of the fighters.”

Even as he spoke, the sound of the bay door closing echoed through the ship as the engines powered up. “Done.

Quickly, Clayton tapped three different spots on the map. “When they’re done, send Kenobi there, Vader here, and Scorpio to this spot. When they reach their destination, I want them to engage.”

Loki raised an eyebrow, “I was under the impression you were going to wait a few days. That’s what you told the Avengers, anyway.”

“Fuck’em.” Clayton turned and jogged towards the helm, grabbing the corner of the door frame to whip himself around the corner. A dull roar started up in the back of his mind as the Orussid received their orders to march to war. Their war songs began in a mad fervor and he tried to ignore them as he flicked through different destinations on the leftmost console.

“What will we be doing?” Loki followed Clayton to the helm and eyed the man’s tail; it made quick, short movements like a cat about to pounce.

“Dunno. Not going into battle, though. Thanos’ carriers are heavily armored…I mean, Xena’s front gun packs a hell of a punch, but it’s better against much smaller ships. Scorpio is the smallest carrier in the fleet and her cannons make Xena’s stuff look like nothing.” He glanced at the console to his right as he sat down. “Xena, just fuckin’ punch it.”

The sudden acceleration caused Loki to make a soft noise of surprise and grab the pilot’s chair for balance as the ship breached the upper layers of the atmosphere in seconds. There, the sight of Kenobi and Vader greeted them. The engines of the carriers kicked on and they began shifting their course to start on their assigned destinations. Slowly, the two broke out of orbit then steadily increased in speed before they abruptly made the shift to the jump tunnel and seemed to blink out of existence.

“Xena. Let’s scout out that cluster of ships that was headed towards Svrinca. Gimmie a list.”

“Rogers is sending a message.”

He eyed the alert that popped up on the middle console before swiping it to the rightmost so he could focus on plotting their course. “I assume he’s asking why we suddenly took off?”

“Correct.”

“Tell him: Error 404, The King you’re trying to reach is out of fucks to give.”

“…That’s not what an error 404 is…” Xena grumbled quietly, but sent the message regardless.

Loki couldn’t help but be amused at the interaction, “I doubt he’ll appreciate the message.”

“Fuck Rogers, fuck the Avengers, just fuck _everything_. I got shit to do and I don’t feel like waiting around on them while they sit there with their thumbs up their asses.” He flicked back to a course and tapped the button to initiate the jump drive. Seconds later, the familiar blue of the jump tunnel filled the helm window. Satisfied, Clayton slipped past Loki in order to finish putting up the food and to make himself lunch.

Loki stood there for a moment and snorted out a quiet laugh. As much as he didn’t like Clayton or Rogers, he couldn’t deny the hilarity of what he’d just witnessed. For a moment, he tried to picture the expression on Rogers’ face after receiving the message. Likely, something surprised and highly insulted. Since matters had been handled for the moment, he chose to return to his room and resume reading his book.

Despite knowing that it’d take the carriers several hours to reach their destinations, Clayton couldn’t help but feel anxious. Certainly, Xena’s virus insured Thanos’ ships were essentially helpless, but he knew that things could still go wrong. Quietly, he paced the helm and eyed the readouts on the consoles.

Xena finally made a noise of exasperation. “I’ll inform you if anything noteworthy happens. At the very least, stop pacing. You’re giving me a headache.”

“You can’t get headaches.” He noted.

“You know what I mean.”

Clayton sighed and rubbed his face, “I know…I know…It’s just…”

“What happens will happen regardless of if you’re standing here or not. I’ll monitor the battles and send the order to retreat if it’s needed…Get some rest.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Clayton. Go.”

“Yes, _mooooom_.” He snarked before he turned to leave the helm.

“With how you can act like a child at times, it’s fitting.”

Clayton winced, “Yeah, I walked into that one, didn’t I?”

When the AI didn’t respond, he shook his head and walked to his room. As much as he hated to admit it, he did need more sleep. The mere four hours of sleep already had him dragging his feet, but considering the upcoming battle? A nap would have to suffice.

The sensation of the jump driving disengaging caused Loki to meander out of his room and to the helm. Drifting in front of Xena sat another carrier. Despite how close the two ships were, Thanos’ carrier didn’t attempt to fire. “I assume the virus also affects the weapons systems?”

“It affects everything.”

“Interesting. Has the fleet reached their destinations, yet?” Loki glanced at the consoles, but with the dizzying speed information streamed past, he focused back on the ship.

“Yes, shortly.”

Loki slid into the pilot’s chair as the ship slowly made a wide circle around the carrier. “I assume this one is the next target?”

“Correct…Vader has dropped out of the jump tunnel and is engaging the carrier. Scorpio will also arrive and engage in two minutes. Kenobi is still thirty minutes out.”

“So, whoever destroys their target first will attack this one?”

“Also correct. Most likely, it’ll be Vader. That particular carrier is heavily armed and armored. It was a former warship commandeered by pirates after a crew revolt. We in turn took it over.”

“Were all the carriers done that way?” Loki attempted to make himself comfortable in the chair, but as he’d learned early on, it had been designed with Clayton’s comfort in mind.

“Yes.”

“Was this before or after the Orussid?” Not only did Loki know that Clayton’s home world was Earth, he also suspected Clayton had been human at one time. He’d seen the pictures on the walls and in some of them had been what appeared to be a younger, human, Clayton.

Unsurprisingly, Xena ignored his question. Loki sighed and tightly pressed his lips together. Since that question wouldn’t be answered, he asked a different one. “How’s the battle faring between Vader and Thanos’ carrier?”

“Vader has won and is…What.”

“What?” Loki looked up towards the carrier and gawked as the ship simply blipped out of existence. “Where’d it go?”

“I don’t know. All of Thanos’ ships are just…Gone. The carriers, the fighters, even Sanctuary II is gone.”

“Did they vanish like…” He gestured at the window to indicate the carrier that had been in front of them.

“Yes, I think so. I’ll wa– Shit.”

The sensation of the Orussid being in a frenzy woke Clayton up. Apparently, Vader’s campaign against the carrier had been successful. As good of news as it was, he felt beyond exhausted. Likely, he hadn’t managed to sleep for very long, but he pushed himself out of bed since he wanted to be awake for the other two battles.

A sharp, white hot pain lanced through his brain as nearly 3,000 Orussid suddenly rejoined the hive. He used a hand to hold himself upright from where he nearly fell over onto the bed. So many voices cried out in unison at their brethren returning; Clayton clawed at the surface of the hive to stay afloat. The hive shifted into a frenzy of tumultuous thoughts, emotions, and images as thousands of minds reconnected.

Clayton’s head felt like it’d split in two as he struggled to manage the sudden influx of minds. The room precariously spun around him and his knees buckled. Despite clawing at the blankets on his bed, he collapsed and the world went black before he hit the floor.


	9. New Elysium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "New Elysium" - Celldweller
> 
> Demonic: ...eheheheh.  
> Penguin: ...that's a Loki laugh...that's...what'd you do?  
> FeralCreed: I like how we both have the same reaction to that laugh

Loki blinked a few times at Xena’s sudden curse, but rapid activity from the left console caught his attention. While he lacked familiarity with her systems, he knew enough about ships to recognize when the nav computer spat out a course. He also knew the system that popped up: a planet circled by triplet moons. Thanos’ fighter had simply called the planet Trinity-571, but here it had been labeled as ‘New Elysium’. “Xena, what are you doing?”

He went ignored, something he’d rapidly grown accustomed to since boarding the ship and being around Clayton. However, the jump drive initiating without the usual countdown caused him concern. Something had severely ruffled the AI’s feathers and it worried him. While she hadn’t shown a wide range of emotion, he knew enough to know that something had gone severely wrong. On the middle console in front of him, the three carriers briefly popped up and he swore he caught a glimpse of New Elysium. Did she send out orders?

“There’s something wrong with Clayton. Get him onto his bed. I’ve unlocked the door to his room.”

This caused him to hesitate, but the insistence in her voice prompted him to stand up and head to the back of the ship. Warily, Loki stepped into the room and found himself surprised at how…Bland the room had been decorated. The room held little more than a bed with night stands on either side of it. Next to the bed was Clayton looking crumpled, as if he’d simply collapsed. The blankets had been dragged down the side of the bed and he still had a sheet caught on his fingers.

Loki walked over to him and crouched down to better examine him. Compared to how he normally was, Clayton’s complexion had shifted to something sickly and his breathing, while slow, seemed ragged. Loki hesitanted a half second before shaking the man’s shoulder. No response.

Thanos’ troops were gone, which likely meant the Avenger’s had been successful…This meant he needed to get out of his deal with Clayton. He sent the door behind him a concerned look, then looked back to Clayton. The unconscious man in front of him reminded him far too much of his father in personality and the last thing Loki wanted was to be a war trophy. While Clayton hadn’t given any indication of planning such, his personality had also proven to be hard to pin down. A simple flick of Loki’s hand caused one of his knives to appear.

“Kill him and I’ll vent all atmosphere. While I’m unfamiliar with Asgardian physiology, be assured…I _will_ find a way to kill you.” Xena spoke suddenly and her voice held a tone that caused ice to run down his spine.

Loki had only felt that sensation a handful times before, with the most recent being the first time he’d met Thanos…The torture. He violently shoved the memories out of his mind and slowly raised the hand with the knife before he banished it away.

“No. Bring it back. You will deposit all weapons in the corner by the door.”

He slowly stood, keeping his hands away from his body as he stepped backwards to the indicated corner. There, he flicked his knife out and set it in the corner. When he stepped forward again, Xena spoke.

“The other one.”

Loki grimaced. Clayton must have told her. He flicked the other knife out and set it down with the first. Xena remained silent when he stepped back towards Clayton. Once more, he hesitated before he dragged the man onto the bed. His movements were tense and he found Thor’s words echoing in his mind.

‘ _Have you ever considered playing nice, for once?_ ’

“You will return to your assigned room. I will allow you out at regular intervals for food and other needs.”

He walked out of Clayton’s room, and glanced behind him as the door promptly locked shut behind him. The door to the helm closed and presumably locked. Presently, he had few choices except to follow Xena’s commands. After a moment longer, he slinked to his room and found himself unsurprised when the door locked shut behind him. What a fucking fine mess he’d gotten himself into…

When he opened his eyes, a blurry mess and pain greeted him. Groaning softly, Clayton flopped an arm over his eyes and tried not to focus on the pulsing pain in his head. Every time his heart beat, the headache echoed with a dull, throbbing agony. His stomach twisted unhappily with nausea prompting him to sit up and the brief spike of his blood pressure caused a fresh wave of pain.

“You should rest.” Xena’s voice held immense concern.

“Ugh. Softer.” His voice slurred and despite the pain, he pushed himself to his feet to go to the bathroom. “Stomach.”

“What do you mean your stomach?” Her voice softened but she quickly had the answer to her question when Clayton suddenly scrambled for the floor and vomited into the shower stall.

The act of puking just made his headache worse, which in turn did nothing for his stomach. He sat there for several minutes, alternating between dry heaving and retching up every drop of substance in his stomach. When his stomach managed to empty itself, he sat there feeling chilled despite the sweat that caused his shirt to cling to his back. Finally, he slowly dragged himself up to his feet and rinsed out his mouth before downing pain medication grabbed at random from the cabinet.

“Clayton, what happened?”

“Don’t know.” He carefully made his way back into his bedroom where he all but crawled onto the bed. “Orussid are back…Just pain…My head.”

Xena considered this information. While she didn’t know the full extend of his telepathy, she knew that his connection to the Orussid hive tended to be constant. He’d also mentioned that he felt all the deaths, which meant if they’d returned it’d been all at once. “Before you rest, two things: Thanos’ ships are gone and Loki considered killing you.”

Clayton flopped an arm over his head again. “Lock ‘em up. Deal with it later.”

“I already did. I’ve set a course back home and I’ll have the Orussid imprison him till you’re able to deal with it.”

He only made a quiet noise of pain as a response.

Since Clayton seemed to be resting and Loki busily paced his room, Xena turned her attention to her recorded logs. Why did Loki want to kill Clayton? Besides two instances, she couldn’t recall anything that might have prompted such an action. Though, she didn’t know about what happened when the two left, but Clayton hadn’t mentioned anything noteworthy. Rapidly, she sorted through her memory banks and brought up all the instances of where the two had been together. There, she started carefully analyzing them.

The words spoken didn’t help her, but the body language told a completely different story. It told her about Loki’s anxiety, how he mistrusted Clayton, and the fear. The movements had been subtle, and since she hadn’t looked for it, she completely missed it. Missed how Loki would tense up, lean away, or pick at his left hand anytime he interacted with Clayton. She didn’t know why Loki expressed fear, but it gave her a good reason on why the man had desired to kill Clayton. She needed to bring it up to Clayton once he felt better.

Loki paced his room, acutely aware that the AI likely watched his every movement. He’d managed to get himself into a bigger mess than before, but that tended to be the norm, didn’t it? Rather than the certainty of facing Odin, he’d opted for the unknown of allowing himself to fall from the Rainbow Bridge. That’d landed him face to face with Thanos and The Other, resulting in torture till he’d broken and submitted to Thanos. Arguably, it’d been one of the larger fuck ups of his life, but it’d been the end result of everything Odin had done to him. Loki had finally had enough of it and couldn’t handle the idea of it continuing.

He tightly pressed his lips together at the echoed memories of physical, mental, and emotional pain. After a moment, he sighed and relaxed the hand he’d unconsciously clenched. Presently, all he could do was wait…Then contact Thor once he had privacy. Until then, he just had to handle whatever came his way. Loki closed his eyes then tried to push down the anxiety and fear that threatened to bubble up at the unknown that he faced.

“We’ve arrived. You will exit your assigned room and go to the loading bay. There you will be escorted by two Orussid warriors to where you’ll be contained for the meantime. Should the notion of attempting to escape enter your mind, they’ve been instructed to kill you if you run.”

The cold tone of the AI’s voice caused him to grimace, but he stood up and did as instructed. When he stepped off the ramp, the two Orussid who’d been assigned to him curled back their vestigial lips into a silent snarl. The one on his left roughly grabbed his arm and started walking with a long stride; Loki had to jog in order to match pace.

Around him, the Orussid stopped what they were doing to stare. Now and then, one snarled to show their distaste of what he’d attempted to do. Loki kept his head raised and a stone mask in place. It reminded him of when Asgard had learned of his Jotun heritage. Much like then, he presented an air of indifference to hide the emotional turmoil inside.

Despite the severity of the situation, Loki couldn’t help but be curious. Previously, he’d only seen the landing area and knew little about the race of aliens. As they walked, the landing area transitioned to housing constructed out of a hodgepodge of synthetic, natural, and other materials. Orussid stood on doorsteps to watch as he passed. A gaggle of young Orussid at a creche overlooked by a one-armed adult flocked towards the path and jostled each other to get a good look at him.

All things considered, the city paled in comparison to what Asgard had been. It was so much smaller than the sprawling markets, gardens, workshops, and homes he’d gown up around. Eventually, they reached a three-story building and went inside. There, the Orussid directed him into a room. Rather than a cell as he’d expected, it could have passed as a small, two-room apartment. It had a living-kitchen area and a door that led to a small bedroom with an attached bathroom. He walked to the window and carefully touched the ‘glass’, then pulled his hand back at the gentle tingle. Force field.

Despite being a prisoner, he couldn’t deny the Orussid had given him better accommodations than what Asgard had offered. Certainly, the few bits of furniture had been designed for the alien race, but he could work with it…Although, he didn’t really know what to think about the hammock. Besides the obvious worries, the major concern he had was keeping himself occupied. Finally, he sighed and laid down in the hammock to read.

The sound of the door closing drew him out of his book. Hesitantly, he rolled out of the hammock and walked into the living area. On the table sat a bowl of…Some type of stew he hazarded, and a glass of water. He perched on the stool and curiously stirred the stew. It had chunks of meat and what he assumed were vegetables. Curiously, he took a tentative bite and found it palatable enough. At least he hadn’t had a pre-packaged meal thrown at his head. The subtle lack of a chemical taste told him the food had been prepared with fresh ingredients, which made the idea of captivity a bit more bearable.

This ended up being the routine for the next two days. While completely uneventful, it gave his mind plenty of time to churn over the potential scenarios that might happen to him. Why hadn’t Clayton shown up? Clearly, the man had decided to let him wait in order to wear him down. As much as Loki hated to admit it, the tactic happened to be working quite well.

When evening finally arrived, he found himself too anxious to focus on his book and only marginally hungry. He picked at his food and only ate enough to calm the quiet grumbles of his stomach before he finally laid down to sleep. Despite his stress and worries, sleep came quickly enough.

Loki found himself in Asgard on a balcony of the palace. A slight breeze ruffled his clothing, but something to his left caught his attention. He turned and smiled at the woman in front of him, “Mother.”

Frigga walked over to him and gently grasped his upper arms, then gave him a warm, but slightly exasperated smile. One she often gave him when he’d gotten himself in trouble. “You’re always getting yourself into trouble, Loki. Come, sit down. We’ll figure out what to do.”

She stepped backwards, tugging him along with her. Odin suddenly appeared next to Frigga, causing Loki to take a sharp step backwards. The former King held a knife in his right hand, then before Loki could react, turned and slammed the knife into Frigga’s side. Loki found himself unable to move, his feet rooted and only able to make a choked sound.

“Remember, boy. Your birthright was to _die_.”

“Mother, no!” Loki landed harshly on the floor, his right foot still tangled up in the hammock. He stared, wide eyed, at the window in front of him where the moonlight streamed through the force field. Slowly, he untangled himself and sat up on the floor while the echoes of the nightmare faded. After a moment, he rubbed his face, but froze at the wetness he felt. His shoulders sagged after a moment and he looked down at his lap.

The next morning, he ate his breakfast in silence and then patiently waited for the dishes to be taken away. Once they had been, he darted to the bedroom and focused his magic. Weaving illusions tended to be easy, but weaving illusions and then throwing them half way across the galaxy? Not so easy. Loki felt relief when he saw Thor, despite his brother’s bruises and injuries.

Thor stood and gave a wide grin when Loki appeared, “Brother. We did it. Thanos is dead.”

“Thor, I don’t have long. I…Know Thanos is dead. All of his ships vanished. I…” Loki hesitated.

“Loki, what happened?” The grin fell away from Thor’s face at his brother’s behavior. “What’s wrong?”

“It did something to Clayton…He collapsed and went unconscious. I…” Loki hesitated again and sighed, steeling himself for whatever scolding Thor might do. “I was about to kill him when Xena threatened to do the same to me. I’m on the Orussid home world. I…I’ve been here for two days and I don’t know what they have planned for me. I should have listened to you Thor, but I just…”

“Loki. Are they hurting you? Where’s the home world?” Thor knew Loki, and knew him well. The man didn’t stumble over his words unless the situation was dire. While a thorough scolding probably would be warranted, it was neither the time or place.

“The coordinates are…” Loki froze at a sound and looked towards the living area. “Shit, he’s coming.”

“Loki!” Thor could only stare at the spot where his brother’s illusion once stood and dread what might come to pass.

Migraines and headaches weren’t exactly something new for Clayton after his mental abilities showed up, but having one that lasted two days? That had sucked. Except, he couldn’t really say that it had gone away. While the majority of the pain had faded, his head still throbbed if he stood up too quickly or used his mental abilities in any fashion…Sans the connection to the hive. Still, as much as he needed rest, he had the matter of Loki to handle. The news of the man trying to kill him, likely out of fear according to Xena, had surprised him a bit. Sure, he realized in hindsight that he’d been a bit dickish at times, but could he really be blamed?

After being told where Loki had been put, Clayton made his way there and stood at the door a moment before he opened it. Inside, the man had a brief look of someone being caught doing something, but his face quickly went to something neutral. Clayton gave him a brief once over before sitting on a stood and gesturing for Loki to sit across from him. The offer went ignored.

“Xena told me about what happened…So…Why’d you think about killing me, Loki? I provided the aid you wanted…Thanos is dead and his army knocked out of existence. It doesn’t really paint Asgard in a good light.”

Loki held his head high and gave Clayton a defiant glare. Despite his attempt to remain stoic, he couldn’t help but tense in preparation of whatever might happen…Which turned out to be absolutely nothing. Clayton simply sat there, waiting.

When Loki continued to remain silent, Clayton sighed. “Well, considering all the shit I did…I’d really like some sort of compensation. Money, resources, that sort of thing. Think you ca–“

“The Asgardians have nothing to offer. Asgard was destroyed and we fled. We have nothing more than the clothes on our back.” Loki finally spoke, his words terse and his voice tightly controlled.

“I…Ah.” Clayton sighed and looked away. “That’s…Fuckin’ A.”

So, he’d essentially done a whole bunch of shit and nothing to show for it. That being said, he didn’t miss how Loki subtly took a slight step back at his curse. “Ugh. Look. I’m not going to keep you locked up, but if you want to leave the apartment, you’ll have an escort at all times. The Orussid aren’t exactly pleased with you being around, but they’re not going to kill you. Just don’t expect them to be chummy. I’ve assigned you the one who speaks the best Basic. Her name is S’li.”

Clayton stood and briefly used the table to balance himself when he momentarily went light headed. Saying nothing further, he turned and walked out of the apartment. From there, he headed upstairs to his own apartment. As much as he needed to rest, he had a number of things to get caught up on.

Loki stood there in mute surprise. He hadn’t expected that degree of freedom, but as much as his curiosity itched, he stepped back into the bedroom to recontact Thor. His brother looked up, an expression of concern crossed his face. “He’s acting reasonable, but I don’t know how long it will last. For the moment, he doesn’t intend on keeping me locked up…I’m just assigned an escort if I wish to leave where he’s put me.”

This news caused Thor to sigh in relief. “Did you learn anything else?”

“No, I didn’t. I think he agreed to my request for aid because he thought he’d get some sort of payment. Either way, I believe I’m safe…For the moment.”

“Good. I’m in the process of gathering up the Asgardians, but I’ll try to enlist the aid of the other Avengers. Perhaps we can convince him to release you.” Thor paused a half moment before he continued. “Where’s the Orussid home world?”

Loki rattled off the coordinates and then looked down, “Thor…I should have listened to you…But I saw an opportunity and I tried to take it.”

“What’s done is done, Loki.” Thor couldn’t help but sigh. He’d repeated this so many times in the past despite knowing Loki wouldn’t listen. Yet, here he went again. “Don’t do anything to make it worse. I beg of you, Loki. Please.”

“No…His people seem devoted to him. If I tried anything, I think they’d kill me without a second thought.” He looked away from Thor. “I’ll contact you later.”

Loki banished away the illusion and walked to the door of the apartment. There, he tried the handle. Locked. When he knocked on the door, however, it unlocked and opened. The Orussid on the other side seemed to glare down at him.

“What.” While guttural, the voice lacked any sort of emotion.

“Are you…S’li?”

“Yes.” S’li’s tail swished behind her.

Loki hesitated a moment and eyed the blade tipped tail as it moved from side to side. “I…Was curious on if you could give me a tour of the city?”

“Follow.” She turned then started stalking down the hallway but paused and gestured beside her when Loki trailed after her. “Here.”

“Ah, my apologies. You have a longer stride than I do.” He moved to walk beside…Her? As far as he could tell, S’li looked the same as all the other Orussid. Unlike many species in the galaxy, they appeared to lack secondary sex characteristics and were all built the same. “I’m curious, how can I tell male Orussid from female?”

She gestured at her stomach where the overlapping scales split down the center, unlike the scales on her chest. “Only females. Other differences, but this is most obvious.”

Considering what he knew about the Orussid, such a difference made sense. When they stepped outside, he made a face at the humidity. “How many Orussid live here?”

“We are nearly six thousand strong. Many females carry life. This singular does not. No male has proven worthy of courtship.” Unlike Loki, the humidity didn’t bother her. She gestured in a direction. “You have seen ships. We travel through nests to makers, finish at growers, return back here.”

Loki struggled at times to understand what S’li said with how disjointed her method of speech tended to be. Still, he understood most of what she said. “What do you mean by ‘singular’? Do you mean yourself?”

“Yes.” She paused and considered how best to explain. “We are not you. Your mind remains closed to others. Ours is open to all. We are singular, but we are many. Many thoughts joined by one, true Singular.”

The housing area shifted to more of an industrial area where different Orussid worked on crafting items. Some worked to repair ship parts, others withstood the heat of forges as they hammered out metal. However, his attention remained on S’li. “The Orussid are a hive mind?”

“Yes. We remember all. We remember Asgardian attack…” She trailed off and consulted the hive for the proper phrase. “We remember Asgardian attack as if we fought it, not those before us.”

Genetic memory, then? Interesting. Loki’s thought went back to what she’d said before about the ‘true Singular’. “So, you have a Queen, then? Who’s she?”

S’li shook her head. “No Queen. King. He remains Otherless.”

Already, Loki had a very good idea of who the King happened to be, but he carefully played it dumb since he wanted to confirm. “Who’s your King?”

“Sabaton. He woke us from sleep, all our voices in unison, we made new kingdom from dust.” She made a low rumble that initially sounded like a growl but Loki quickly realized it was a laugh. “We were bred for war, he taught us more. War remains part of us, but we seek new ways…We willingly charge to our deaths if he wills us.”

Bit by bit, he gathered more pieces and began to put together a better picture of who Clayton was. At least, why he’d had issues after Thanos’ snap had been reversed. If 3,000 Orussid had all returned at once, it likely resulted in a massive shock. “So…He’s part of the hive mind, too?”

“Yes. Most powerful of us. Only living who is lined from Queen Moranna. She fell to Asgardians, but her eggs escaped.” S’li paused at the outskirts of the farming area. Dotted around areas of growing plants were pens containing different native animals.

“Your King…Cla–Sabaton. Are there others like him?”

“No. He is Singular in many aspects.” S’li continued on and plucked a fruit of some sort off a vine to pop it into her mouth. She briefly chewed on it before she spat it out onto the ground. At Loki’s questioning look, she grunted. “Not ripe enough.”

Loki fell into silence. He’d learned a great deal about Clayton and felt he needed to mull over what he’d learned so far before he asked further questions. Once they returned to the apartment, he settled down to eat. While he didn’t seem to be in immediate danger of death, he couldn’t help but worry about what the future might hold.

Two days later, he contacted Thor again after breakfast. If his brother intended to try and ‘rescue’ him, he felt the man needed to stay informed. “Nothing has really changed. If I’m honest, it’s better than what I received at Asgard…But the absolute silence from Clayton, excluding when I talked to him two days ago has me worried.”

Thor gave a slight nod and then sighed. “The Avengers have…Refused to help. They state New York City as a reason and how Clayton helped immensely against Thanos as another. Combing those two reasons with how you attempted to kill him?” He shook his head, “They wish to stay out of the entire matter unless your life is in immediate danger. Their priorities remain with Earth and handling the damage there.”

Honestly? Loki had expected that response. “What are you going to do?”

The question caused Thor to look down for several minutes, but when he looked back up at his brother, he’d set his jaw firmly. “I have the coordinates, I have my axe. I just need a ship. It will likely take me a few more days, but be patient.”

He gave a slight smile. “I think I can manage, Thor. As I mentioned, I haven’t seen Clayton except once. Except for the one assigned to me, the Orussid don’t speak to me. I’m not sure if it’s because they don’t want to or they’re not capable. The one I’m around, S’li, speaks Basic the best, but her speech is broken…But regardless, I don’t have any desire to anger her. I’ll contact you tomorrow.”

After four days, Clayton’s migraine from hell had finally completely resolved. Likely, his refusal to rest hadn’t helped, but considering everything that’d happened? Standing around didn’t appeal to him, nor did it seem productive. Now and then, he’d get a report of S’li and Loki touring the small city, but he didn’t pay it much mind…Nor did he go out of his way to interact with Loki. Truthfully, he avoided the man the best he could because frankly? He had no idea what to do with him.

The idea of getting resources turned out to be a bust and shipping him off to Thor seemed to be a waste of what little resources he had available to him…Ignoring the fact that he couldn’t get in contact with the guy. So, Clayton fell back onto his usual habit of shoving the issue away and ignoring it in hopes of it miraculously vanishing. It never happened, of course, but maybe one day he’d get lucky.

A week after he’d returned to New Elysium, S’li demanded his attention. Very few Orussid could be as demanding as her, but most Orussid didn’t have the distinction of names. They normally identified each other by mind. Each mind was unique and acted as a name which removed the need of the Orussid actually naming themselves. Those who received names tended to earn them through deeds, and names meant honor as well as rank. S’li had the rank of being one of the Battlemasters who trained younger Orussid. She hadn’t appreciated being pulled away from her work to babysit Loki.

 _What is it?_ Already, Clayton suspected it had to do with Loki.

 _Asgardian demands your attention._ She sent him a short memory of Loki pacing and demanding to speak to him.

Clayton sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. _I’ll be there shortly._

When he arrived, Loki paced the living area, but the Asgardian didn’t give him a chance to speak. Instead, Loki stalked towards him and glared. “I demand to know what you plan on doing with me.”

He slowly blinked at the other man and picked up on the subtle snippets of stress. Finally, Clayton simply shrugged. “…I’unno. To be honest, I was kinda thinking about booting you off to your brother, but I haven’t really put much thought into it.”

Loki’s mouth suddenly clamped shut at the response. Hadn’t…Put thought into it? “What in the Nine Realms have you been doing?”

“For the first four days, basically flat on my ass because of a massive migraine. These past three days I’ve been trying to get raw material shipped in…Kinda don’t have time for some brat of a prince who happened to throw a temper tantrum.” Clayton couldn’t help but snark at Loki, but then he sighed, “Look. I have shit to do. The damned honest answer is that I’m not going to do anything with you.”

Saying nothing further, Clayton turned and left. This left a stunned Loki to try and not gawp at the door. It didn’t make any sense. By all rights, Clayton could kill him, torture him, keep him imprisoned, and yet…Nothing. It baffled him, but at the same time concerned him. Was it a tactic to get him to let his guard down?

The longer time dragged on, the more Loki started to doubt anything would happen. He attempted to found out more about Clayton and his day to day activities, but S’li had clammed up about the topic of her King. Likely, the man in question had caught wind of Loki asking questions and told her to stop answering them. Every now and then, Loki caught sight of Clayton during his wanderings with his escort. It always ended up being the most benign things. One time, he saw him watching the Orussid train for combat. Another instance, he visited the creche. Even with what he’d learned from S’li, Loki still remained baffled.

He told himself that it didn’t matter; Thor had finally acquired a ship and would arrive soon. Then, he’d never have dealings with Clayton and his Orussid again. Yet…It nagged at him. Despite his near attempt on Clayton’s life, the only true hostility he’d encountered had been when he first arrived. Even then, there hadn’t been chains, or muzzles, or a tiny cell with little privacy. Truthfully? He didn’t know what to think.

The news of a ship requesting permission to land struck Clayton as odd, but he figured that some of the goods he’d ordered had arrived. However, the sight of Thor stalking off of the ship wielding his axe caught him off guard.

“I’m here for my brother.” Thor tightened his grip on the handle of his axe, fully prepared for a fight…Or at the very least, refusal.

“…Aight. It’ll be a few.”

“I…What?” The ease in which Clayton willingly agreed caught him off guard and frankly left him speechless.

Clayton gestured over his shoulder, “It’s a bit of a walk, so it’ll take him a few minutes to get here.”

Thor loosened his grip on his axe and stared at Clayton in bafflement. “You took him prisoner, why would you so willingly give him up.”

“ _Technically_ , he pledged himself to me and then heavily considered killing me. I kept him around because I figured I could trade him off for resources or something. Then he told me how Asgard got destroyed and your folks are in pretty piss-poor shape. There…Isn’t really much reach for me to keep him around. Couldn’t get a hold of you, otherwise, I would have gone ‘Yo, come get your homeboy’.” Clayton shrugged. “Look…Thor…This whole shit with Thanos has pretty much just made me decide that I don’t want to deal with galactic politics.”

An Orussid slinked over and presented the Asgardian King Loki’s knives. From behind Clayton walked Loki and S’li, the former looked vaguely concerned and joined his brother’s side. Briefly, Loki considered saying something, but thought better of it.

“You have what you came for, Thor. Please leave.”

Thor look over at Loki for a moment, then back to Clayton before he nodded wordlessly. As he ushered his brother into the ship, he handed over the man’s knives and hit the button to close the loading ramp. Minutes later, the ship took off.

S’li canted her head for a moment before she looked down at Clayton. _Do you think we are rid of them?_

_I don’t know._


	10. Political Knowhow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Building a Better Tomorrow" - Audiomachine

A month had passed since The Snap and despite keeping busy by helping Thor with the fledgling Asgardian community, Loki’s mind often wandered…As it had always done. Part of his ability to manipulate people related to his keen analytical skills. Unfortunately, he tended to overanalyze when it came to himself. As of late, his mind had turned to his most recent…Incident: Clayton and his Orussid. Mostly his interaction with the man.

As much as he hated to admit it, Clayton hadn’t exactly been acting out of malice now that Loki’d had time to think about it. He’d lost a large amount of his people, his mother, and an untold number of friends all in a short span of time. It caused Loki to reflect on how he’d felt after his mother’s death, and he supposed that not only had Clayton been attempting to handle all of that, he’d been trying to wage a war. It didn’t help that the Orussid had proven to be honestly fascinating and truth be told, it’d irked Loki in no small fashion that he hadn’t been able to figure their King out.

His mind came to a grinding halt at his current line of thinking. Had he seriously just entertained the idea of returning to the planet? Really, he felt that he’d left on neutral terms and a return shouldn’t be met with too much hostility, if any. He surged to his feet and paced a circle around his room. If he went through with the idea, he’d need a very, very solid two stage plan. To start with, he’d need to convince Thor to allow him to leave. His brother had an air of unspoken…Clinginess to him. Likely having to do with all of his supposed deaths in recent years. He couldn’t really blame Thor and mostly considered it amusing, if a bit annoying at times.

The next stage obviously involved talking Clayton into allowing him to stay. Loki quietly mused and worked to put together everything he knew about the man. Clayton preferred people to have some type of ‘usefulness’. Since the Orussid were somewhat militaristic, it made sense that everyone would have a role of some sort. Meaning he’d have to present himself as skilled at something. Clayton seemed to run the show all on his own, so perhaps an advisor?

Loki immediately discounted the idea. He wouldn’t be trusted nearly enough for that role. Then, the perfect idea struck him and he scolded himself over not realizing such a simplistic solution sooner. Clayton had mentioned needing resources and Loki suspected that’s why he’d agreed to help him in the first place. Now, with everything being settled with Thanos, the Asgardians also needed resources. It wouldn’t be hard to show up and offer to set up some sort of trade route as a gesture of good will between the two races. Not only could it sooth tensions over past events, it could also smooth out his little faux pas concerning his attempt on Clayton’s life.

The next morning, he presented his idea to Thor and unsurprisingly, his brother dug his feet in. While understandable, Loki still found it to be annoying. “Thor, it’s a mutually beneficial idea. We need resources, he needs resources, and it would help sooth any lingering ill will on his side.”

“The last time you spoke of him, you compared him to Father…And your fear of him was great enough that you almost attempted to kill him.” Thor regarded his brother for a moment, “Why the change of opinion?”

Loki made a vague, dismissive gesture, “It was only _attempted_. It’s not as if I actually drew blood or got anywhere close to stabbing him. I…Might have slightly overreacted due to stress brought on by not only seeing my home destroyed, half my people killed, and finally escaping a madman while under the assumption that my brother was dead.”

“Loki, no. I think it’d be better to leave Clayton and his people alone…I’m certain you have some sort of ulterior motive, anyway.” He knew his brother had some scheme up his sleeve. Loki wouldn’t go chasing off like that without a good reason…In most cases, anyway.

“You know me well, Brother.” Loki quirked a slight smile. “I’m curious about the Orussid and I thought attempting to set up some sort of trade would be mutually beneficial for both groups while also allowing me to satisfy my curiosity.”

“…You’re going to go regardless of what I say, aren’t you?”

“Ah…Yes, I am.”

Thor made an exasperated noise, but wasn’t the least bit surprised. “I _would_ say not to antagonize him in any shape or fashion, but you seem to thrive on such chaos.”

“Chaos? You insult me! It’s entertainment!”

“Entertainment which usually lands you in trouble.” Finally, Thor shook his head. “Fine. Just don’t make things worse than they already are.”

“No, no. You have it backwards. Trouble finds me.” This time Loki grinned as he started walking away. “I honestly wonder how he’d react if I landed as a woman…”

“…Loki…” When his brother turned back around, Thor had raised his hands slightly. “Don’t. Please. Just…Don’t. Midgardians can be…Strange about such things and aren’t as understanding as Asgardians are.”

“You ruin all my fun.”

The trip back to New Elysium ended up being boring and uneventful, but it gave Loki plenty of time to review his plan. He tried to look at it from every angle possible and cover every scenario, but ultimately, he knew he’d have to be flexible. Despite the information he had about Clayton, there was so much more that he didn’t know and it was what he didn’t know that worried him.

Clayton initially ignored the mental ping that a ship had landed; he’d been expecting a shipment for several days now. At least, he ignored it until he received a second ping that stated that the pilot was, of all people, _Loki_. Baffled, he left his apartment and made the trip down to the ship landing area where Loki patiently waited.

Why the hell had Loki returned? The man made it crystal clear that he had wanted to fuck off and never return. Yet…Here he was, a month later. Clayton glanced the other over for a moment before he spoke, “Did…You forget something? Why are you back?”

Since the initial response hadn’t been hostile, but instead confusion. Loki felt things were going well, so far. He quietly exhaled and recited his carefully written speech, “I…Was wrong in my initial judgement of you. After pledging myself to you, I was certain you’d keep me as nothing more than a war trophy for the rest of your life, considering the history between Asgard and the Orussid. Despite what I had done, you treated me a great deal better than you could have. After everything finally settled and I was able to look back, I realized you had acted out of stress due to the situations you were put into. I wish to help form trade plans between our people as a token of good will and apology.”

This did nothing to help Clayton’s confusion and instead simply made it worse.  His brows furrowed together in bafflement as he tried to suss things out. While the idea of some sort of trade route sounded fantastic, he was utterly hung up on the idea that Loki willingly returned. “But…Why? You wanted to obviously leave and it was pretty obvious that you weren’t happy. I don’t really understand why you’d come back…I thought your goal was to get back to Thor.”

Loki found himself half amused and half baffled at Clayton’s response. The Midgardian seemed to be getting more and more confused as time passed. Normally, he would have been pleased at this, but presently he just found it exasperating. "The only reason I wasn't happy here was because I thought I'd never see my brother again and you’d become a danger to me. I was wrong on both counts and there's no reason for me to ignore you when you're arguably responsible for my brother and myself being alive."

He couldn’t argue against that, but at the same time…Clayton absolutely didn’t get why Loki even wanted to be on the planet. All things considered, he hadn’t exactly been the most pleasant person to be around. Truthfully, he’d been a bit of an asshole most of the time. “But…There's literally nothing here for you. This whole planet is basically backwater compared to what you're probably used to. What could possibly be so interesting that you'd want to be here?"

He supposed that Clayton was correct. The buildings the Orussid built were a mixture of something tribal and obviously looted technology, but it held a sort of rustic charm. However, Loki had started to get very exasperated with how Clayton just didn’t _get it_. "You dense fucker. I enjoyed your company at times and I actually find your people interesting. Do I really need to explain further?"

Normally, Loki wouldn’t have used such crude language, but he clearly remembered how Clayton and Rocket had greeted each other. Still, he couldn’t understand why the other man was so confused over the offer.

"I…How could you possibly enjoy my company when I was barely around? So...Yeah. You do need to explain further." By this point, Clayton’s confusion had shifted into sheer bewilderment.

Try as he might, Loki failed at suppressing a groan of frustration. The man in front of him was clearly intelligent, but how could he be this oblivious? “You were enjoyable to be around when I didn’t have a reason to be concerned about my future and I…I realized I’d blown most of your behavior out of proportion. A lot can be said about a ruler if you look at how he treats his prisoners.”

Honestly, everything Loki said just served to further confuse Clayton and he really wasn’t entirely sure if the man was being truthful about enjoying his company. Personal reservations put aside, he couldn’t deny that they needed supplies and a trade route of some sort would be extremely helpful. He shifted his attention to the hive to gain their opinion on the matter. While not politically minded, many of the Orussid came from different ‘lines’ and had their own unique genetic memories.

Responses to the idea were mixed. Some were neutral, others were hostile due to Loki’s past behavior, and still more agreed with the idea. Despite the mixed views and opinions, the overwhelming majority agreed with the notion regardless of personal feelings towards Loki. Finally, he blinked and came back to himself, then focused on the Asgardian. “Yeah, alright. Uh…Are you going to be hanging around or…?”

Loki tilted his head slightly when Clayton’s face blanked and his eyes unfocused. Strange. After a moment had passed, he lightly waved his hand to get the man’s attention. He went ignored by Clayton, but an Orussid growled at him. Then, just like that, the man picked up as if nothing had happened. Even stranger. Did it have to do with the hive mind? “Yes, that would be best. I have a list of different commodities that we can offer. I also thought I could act as a...Liaison between my people and your’s. Thor’s busy with setting up the community and since I already have some experience with the Orussid…”

“Yeah, that makes sense. Uh…” He glanced around and immediately wondered where the fuck S’li was at. A moment later, he mentally pinged her and ignored her grumpiness at being assigned to Loki once more. “I’ll put S’li back with you, then.”

It took Loki a moment longer to realize that he’d managed to catch the man off-guard. He quietly filed it away as something that he’d need to investigate at a later date. “Would it be possible to have the same apartment as before? I enjoyed the view.”

Clayton nodded, “I won’t be able to discuss anything today since I already have a lot of things lined up, but I figure you want to get settled in, anyway.”

As soon as Loki agreed, Clayton turned and headed off, leaving the Asgardian feeling somewhat bemused. Still, his plan had worked out nicely…So far. He gathered his things from the ship and started for the building where he’d be staying. When he arrived, S’li waited at the door for him. While her face conveyed no emotion, he still had the distinct feeling she felt annoyed with him. He hesitated a moment, unsure if he should say anything or not. “I hope my arrival didn’t pull you from anything important.”

“This Singular trains young bodies. Better work than helping soft body.” She turned to the small console by the door and tapped a few keys. “May lock from inside.”

Loki soothed the hackles that rose up from being called a ‘soft body’. He needed to remember that the Orussid had a different way of speaking and tended to be a bit more literal than figurative. “What do you mean by ‘soft body’?”

S’li reached out and prodded him in the side. “Soft body. Squishy.” Then, she poked at herself. Her claw made a soft noise against the slick, leathery skin. “Hard body. Not squishy.”

Loki instinctively squirmed away from the poke. While the act was benign, the claw tipped fingers were more than enough to gut a person. “I see. S’li…Would it be possible for you to teach me about Orussid culture? Or even just body language. Just so I have an idea of what’s going on when I interact with the Orussid. Since I have a…’closed mind’, as you put it, I realize I’m at a disadvantage.”

“Yes.” She followed Loki into the apartment after he gestured at her.

“I think body language is the best place to start. The tail conveys mood, doesn’t it?”

“Yes.” S’li turned slightly so that he could better see her tail. Presently, it remained still with the occasional slight wiggle that started at the base of her tail and rippled down to the tip. “Calm but annoyed. Big movements, stronger emotion. Area important.”

“What do you mean by area?”

She suddenly lashed her tail back and forth a few times. “Extremely annoyed, but no violence. Can turn violent if pushed.” Her tail stilled, but the tip rapidly flicked around. “Very angry, will attack.”

Loki considered this a moment. “I think I understand. So…” He mimicked with his arm and made a slow, wide side-to-side motion. Perhaps he could find out what some of the movements Clayton had made meant. “Very calm?”

“No. Alert but content. Very calm…” She indicated her tail once more. It went nearly completely still with the occasional slight twitch at the tip.”

This time, Loki made his arm twist slightly. “I can’t…Exactly mimic it, but twisted up with a lot of movement.”

S’li considered a moment before she made her tail twist and flick around. The movements were slow, but still animated. “This?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Stress. Anxiety. Nervous. Can depend on other body language.”

He nodded. “I assume there’s other bits of body language I have no hope of picking up.”

“Yes. We know by scent.” She curled her lips slightly, but not aggressively and made a slight rumble. “Sabaton does not know scents. He stumbled many times, but understood in time.”

“He also had the advantage of being part of a hive mind.” Loki didn’t know if he wanted to be grateful or offended that S’li attempted to sooth perceived frustrations over the complexity of Orussid body language.

She hesitated, as if she wanted to mention something, but ultimately shifted onto a different topic. “We will correct mistakes. We do not…” S’li quietly grunted and consulted the hive before she continued. “We do not take offense easy.”

“Thank you. One final question. Orussid all look the same to me, how will I find you if I have questions?”

“We understand Basic, but speech is hard. Lost? Ask. We will show. If This Singular is needed, say name. We will alert.” Since there weren’t any more questions, S’li left Loki to his own devices.

The next morning, Loki quietly enjoyed his breakfast. Although simple, he found it interesting to sample different foods from a variety of cultures. One of the many reasons he’d slipped out of Asgard for weeks at a time. After he finished eating, an Orussid arrived to direct him to what appeared to be a lounge area. Clayton sat at the table with a tablet and a mug. Loki expected it to be coffee seeing that the beverage seemed to be the only thing the man consumed. He gathered his thoughts and sat down at the table across from the other.

Clayton always knew he’d have to delve into politics at some point, but he hadn’t expected the first attempt to be with the guy who had nearly tried to kill him. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he really, really had no idea how to go about doing this. Negotiating trade deals was a while ‘nother animal compared to talking to a real estate broker about a home or a banker concerning a small business loan. Behind him, his tail twisted up a bit in an annoying betrayal of his thoughts. “Guess we ought to jump right into it. I know the Asgardians don’t have much because…You mentioned your home being destroyed?”

Armed with a bit more knowledge, Loki paid close attention to Clayton and immediately noticed the movements of his tail. Why would he be…Anxious, Loki guessed. Nothing about this was particularly stressful; they were simply going to have a pleasant conversation. Although…Loki’s mind quickly sorted through what he knew about Clayton. Former bounty hunter, awoke the Orussid, became king, from Earth. Quite quickly, it dawned on him: the man likely had no idea what he was doing. Whereas Loki had been trained for this sort of thing since he’d been able to read and write. “Yes, it was. I’m curious, how much do you know about Asgard?”

“Not a whole lot besides what the Orussid have told me.” Clayton frowned slightly. “Bruce mentioned another realm.”

“Correct. There are nine different realms or I suppose only eight now…Regardless, you could consider them different parts of the universe. Most of them only contain a single world, however. I digress…Asgard was one of those realms and was destroyed after many of her people were killed. Thor and I escaped and…Well, you know the rest.” Loki made a faint, humorless smile. “Thor managed to find a planet similar to what Asgard was, and presently we can offer these things.”

Clayton pulled the offered pad over to him and started scanning the list. The problem with everything was that he happened to be funding the whole city with the money he’d saved up from bounty hunting. Sure, he had a nice chunk, but it wasn’t infinite. “Could use these here.” He indicated a few things. “The jungle trees aren’t good for building, so it’s hard for us to build things…And if you folks are needing leather, we can definitely send you that in excess. Orussid like their meat and so we end up butchering a lot of animals.”

When the tablet was slid back to him, Loki made a soft noise of acknowledgement as he made a note. “It may be a bit of time before we’re able to get a steady supply shipped since we’re also working on getting our housing situation handled.”

Clayton looked down and quietly laughed. “Yeah, I know how that is. Had the same problem here, but I guess the Asgardians are pretty much just starting from scratch.”

“Many homes have three or more families living in them.” Loki carefully kept his face neutral. While he spoke of the Asgardians as if they were his beloved people, he still hated the treatment he’d gotten when his true heritage had been revealed.

“Morale must be a problem, considering both your homeland and Thanos.”

“It is, but Asgardians are resilient. Thor’s a good king…They trust him.” For a brief moment, Loki’s mask faltered.

Clayton looked down at his cup of coffee at the memories of events that’d happened years ago. “Just because someone is trusted, doesn’t mean they’re a good person or should even be deserving of that trust.”

Words dangled at the tip of Loki’s tongue to defend Thor, but he thought better of it. “Personal experience?”

“No, just things I’ve seen.” Clayton looked up and forced a slight smile.

Carefully, he examined the other’s face. Not only did the smile not reach Clayton’s face, the twisting motions of his tail had increased. Had he lied, if so then why? Loki filed the thought away for later. “I imagine you’ve seen a number of things as a bounty hunter.”

“I guess.” Rather than elaborating, he turned his attention back to his coffee and took a healthy drink of it.

Clearly, asking questions to get Clayton to provide information about himself wasn’t going anywhere. Loki cleared his throat slightly and shifted his attention back to the matter of trade. “We have access to a small freighter to transport goods, so we won’t have to concern ourselves with an outside pilot. Though, I’m unfamiliar with this system, is there a local port for refueling?”

“Handy…” Clayton mused and cupped his hands around the mug, then tapped a finger against the side of it. The soft clicking of the claw caused him to absently think about how he needed to trim the claws down. “Dujquet is the closest one. It’s pretty legit, minimal crime.”

 _Click. Click. Click._ The sound, in a way, reminded Loki of a leaky faucet: soft, rhythmic, and utterly annoying. He tried to focus on the business at hand and tapped out a quick note on the tablet. “I’ll send this information to Thor a bit later.”

“So, is that it?”

“For now. I thought I’d remain for a few days to better learn about the Orussid to help prevent any…Social blunders by visiting Asgardians.” Loki noted the faint look of unhappiness that crossed Clayton’s face. “Is this an issue?”

“Not…Exactly? It’s just that we’re pretty private people.” Read: Clayton preferred privacy.

“Really? S’li is very willing to supply information about the Orussid.” He replied mildly and with a somewhat unimpressed expression.

Maybe Clayton had walked into that one. He actively encouraged the Orussid to develop their own personalities and to pursue their own interests…To become more than mass produced warriors. While they would all die at his command, his encouragements had resulted in some of the older ones finding ways around his orders…If they saw the need. He sighed and set down his cup of coffee. “Of course she is…”

Finally, Loki just chose to call Clayton out on his inexperience. “I get the distinct feeling you’ve never done anything like this before.” He ignored the annoyed expression on the other man’s face and continued speaking. “So…A bit of advice: you can either pick isolationism or you can opt to open trade routes. You can’t have both.”

He tried to think up excuses or reasons to defend himself against the accusation, but came up empty handed. Clayton sighed and briefly glanced away, “You’re right…And the Orussid aren’t much help.”

“You don’t have any advisors?”

“Unless you count Xena, it’s pretty much just me.” He shrugged. “I think I’m doing alright.”

Loki filed away this information away, as well. So, there _was_ a need for some sort of advisor. It would need to be a long-term goal, however. Clayton clearly didn’t trust easily, but this made him all the more determined to find out more about the man who looked eerily like himself. It had turned into a very complex puzzle and by the Nine Realms did Loki love puzzles. “Especially for someone with no formal training in such matters.”

“And you have?”

“It was part of my education as child as soon as I could read and write.”

Clayton snorted loudly. “I just leaned which of the damn roosters to avoid when I got sent out to gab eggs.”

The sudden, offered information caught Loki a bit off guard, but he pounced on the opportunity. “The birds at your mother’s home hardly seemed intimidating.”

“Yeah, well. When you’re five and a rooster with inch long spurs screeches at you? It’s pretty damn scary.” Clayton made a sound halfway between a laugh and a scoff. “Pretty sure we ended up eating him at some point. Anyway. Since we have everything wrapped up here, I have some other stuff to get to.”

Just like that, the small crack of where he’d gotten Clayton to open up slammed shut. Still, with how guarded the man was, Loki took it as a small victory. Either way, he knew a dismissal when he saw one. He offered the other a slight head tilt before snagging his tablet and leaving. As he made his way back up to his apartment, he sent the information to Thor. While he’d only managed the basics of a trade route, it’d been more than what he started with when he’d arrived.

Since he no longer had an escort who scrutinized his every move, Loki took the opportunity to explore the small city. Could it even be called a ‘city’? Really, it was more of a town. Either way, he enjoyed the notion of being on his own and promptly swanned off to explore.

Unfortunately, his explorations were cut extremely short by rain…That lasted for five days. There were periods where it slowed to a drizzle, but none of them lasted long enough for him to leave his apartment for any length of time. So, by the sixth day when the rain finally stopped, Loki had managed to work himself into a frustrated state of stir crazy.

The mud squished, squelched, and made all sorts of vulgar sounds under his boots. If he didn’t watch his step, the oversaturated earth threatened to cause him to slip and make an embarrassing spectacle of himself. Although, he did have to wonder: would the Orussid even care? They were so incredibly different from Asgardians. Nearby bellows attracted his attention and he soon found himself slipping between the aliens as he tried to get to the front of the crowd.

A circle outline with rocks held two Orussid who grappled and pushed at each other, both attempting to gain the upper hand. He further scanned the crowd and spotted Clayton watching. Briefly, he considered meandering over to the man, but the sudden roar from around him directed his attention back to the circle. One of the fighters had managed to flip the other onto its back.

Clayton quietly watched the ranking fight, despite having a thousand and one things he felt he needed to handle. Since the Orussid had war so ingrained into their culture, practice fights were the norm. Often times, they settled disputes with practice fights or as a means of gaining a better rank within the hive. In the case of the latter, he had the final say. Honestly? He found it similar to watching an MMA fight.

Briefly, he caught sight of Loki, but his attention quickly went back to the fight when someone got flipped. Unfortunately, the still standing Orussid didn’t take into consideration his opponent’s tail and quickly had his legs knocked out from under him. Before he could get back up the female pounced onto him where she pinned him down, wrapped her tail around his, and all but shoved his face into the mud. He struggled against her, but finally gave the mental ‘I give’ indication.

The muddy loser slinked out of the ring and joined the crowd as the next pair entered the ring. At this point, Loki made his way over to Clayton. “Is this considered entertainment?”

“It can be. Mostly, it’s just the newest trainees showing off and earning their rank in the hive. Orussid have acidic blood, so anything beyond the basic physical combat can be hazardous.” At Loki’s questioning look, Clayton made a soft noise. “When Orussid are born they have no rank in the hive, and when they get old enough, they start combat training. Once they’ve finished, they’re usually young adults. So, in order to determine their starting rank in the hive, they participate in ranking fights. While there might be multiple classes in training at one time, each class has 24 Orussid to allow for one-on-one matches that will eventually lead to one winner.”

Loki slowly nodded. “What about ranking when there’s multiple classes? Do the winners all share the same rank?”

“Nah. Battle Royale. Whoever comes out on top is the commander. All of the ranked fights are basically anything goes, with the exception of purposely drawing blood.” Clayton’s attention drifted back to the fight where one of the fighters got slammed face first into the ground.

While he supposed some might consider it barbaric, Loki saw it no different than the sparring matches that Asgardian warriors would undergo. It helped keep the fighters in shape. Though, a statement Clayton made earlier slipped back to the front of his mind. “You mentioned acidic blood…Do you also have that?”

“Yup! Which is kiiiinda why it would have been a bad idea for you to shank me.”

He furrowed his brows and considered this for a moment. The Orussid having acidic blood made sense due to the strange, leathery skin they had. Yet Clayton…Loki glanced over at the man and the skin on his human half. “How…Does that work with…”

“The fact that I’m some weird half buggy fuck? I have no clue. I stopped questioning it a long time ago.”

“How did it ha–“ He made a sharp squawk of protest when an Orussid jostled and nearly knocked him down into the mud. Loki really didn’t know if the action had been accidental or if on purpose. Maybe asking that question wasn’t a good idea. So, he cleared his throat, “How long will this ranking fight last?”

Clayton shrugged, “Depends on how fast the fights are, but they’re usually an all-day sort of thing.”

Loki made a soft noise of acknowledgement, but said nothing further. Instead, he watched the fights for a bit before he left to continue his walk. Eventually, he found himself in front of Xena. The loading bay doors were open, but he remained unsure if he wanted to risk going inside. Still, the AI had considerable sway with Clayton and if he could manage to…Somehow get on good terms with her, she could easily be his way in.

He stepped into the bay and climbed up to the upper floor. The lights flicking on briefly startled him, but he also knew that the AI knew of his presence. “Xena?”

“You’re either very ballsy or very stupid to return.”

Loki sighed and closed his eyes. “Yes, I realize my actions were stupid and hasty. After much consideration, I’ve realized the error I made.”

“Ballsy, then. I have my suspicions on why you considered it, however.”

He tried not to tense as he sat down at the table, “And what might those be?”

“Fear. I reviewed my logs of the interactions between the two of you and was able to pinpoint several behaviors consistent with the emotion.”

The blatant and unfortunately correct call out caused him to look down at his hands. “I…” He hesitated and then harshly sighed. “Suffice to say, his behavior reminded me heavily of someone particularly…Nasty in my past. In looking back at our interactions, I realized that I was overreacting from the stress I was under and his behaviors were equally because of the stress he was under.”

While Xena, in a roundabout way, could understand Loki’s reasoning since she’d seen similar with Clayton, she still felt hostile towards him. After all, he’d strongly considered killing her organic. However, there was very little about his behavior that said he was lying. “Go on.”

Loki picked at a spot on his hand. He hated talking about emotions and feels and everything that went along with them. It reminded him of still too fresh wounds and wounds that’d never healed. “I realized I was wrong about him and I honestly do want to help to forge a relationship between the Orussid and the Asgardians.” He’d always sought the approval from Odin and rarely received it. Despite centuries of failed attempts, the yearning for approval still remained as strong as ever. “But I also realize to do this, I need to gain Clayton’s trust. The problem is, he’s so closed off that I don’t know where to begin.”

Quietly, Xena weighed her options and ran numerous simulations in the span of mere moments. While she had agreed not to speak abut Clayton’s personal matters, she also recognized the stress the man had been under as of late. Finally, she came to a decision. “Simply put, gaining his trust is something extremely hard. Clayton has had a number of relationships, both friendships and otherwise, that have ended poorly. He will keep people at arm’s length till they are capable of proving themselves trustworthy.”

Loki looked up when she began speaking and really, a lot of it went with what he’d already suspected. “Ended poorly? Similar to Rocket?”

“I’m already risking enough by telling you. If you want that information, you’ll need to ask him. However, I can already tell you that he won’t unless he has some degree of trust for you.”

“How do I earn his trust then?”

“Collateral. If you want information from him, you’ll need to share about yourself.”

This made Loki grimace heavily, but it made sense as a defense mechanism. By knowing something about the other person, it made them less likely to backstab or betray. He still didn’t like it since it’d mean opening up about a lot of things he’d left to rot and fester. “Why are you suddenly agreeing to help me?”

“Simple: I ran the numbers.”


	11. Phase Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Perfect Heist" - Blue Stahli

Despite being on New Elysium for close a month in order to set up basic Orussid-Asgardian relations and the start of a trade route, Loki saw very little of Clayton. Well, if he chose to be honest with himself, he saw plenty of the man when he wandered the city. Clayton seemed to be perpetually busy and always doing something. However, face to face conversations and interaction tended to be practically non-existent. Frankly, Loki didn’t know if Clayton just happened to be that busy, or if the man was actively trying to avoid him. S’li refused to give him a response either way.

This meant Loki had minimal opportunities to attempt to gain Clayton’s trust. Unsurprisingly, it looked like the AI had been right: it _was_ going to be extremely hard. Loki, if nothing else, was damned stubborn. Despite the time that’d passed, his mind still churned through ideas on how to make his stay more permanent. Since the first trade shipment would arrive in the next few days, he really didn’t have much reason to continue to stay around.

Still, he picked up on a bit of hostility towards him from some of the Orussid, and this helped to spawn the next stage of his scheme. After managing to gain an audience with Clayton, he sat across from him and offered a slight smile. “I would like to suggest the idea of setting up a political alliance. While New Asgard houses a civilization that’s been around for eons, it might as well be a new one. The Orussid aren’t much better, as you’ve said yourself. If we were to ally with each other, it’d allow aid to be moved around easier.”

Clayton considered the offer carefully. While the Orussid were formidable warriors, there were still pirate organizations whose numbers ranged into the tens of thousands. He imagined the Asgardians were in a similar boat. “What would it involve?”

“Simple: an exchange of delegates. You wish for the Orussid to learn about other cultures, and I think New Asgard would benefit from learning from the Orussid. I’ve learned enough about the culture that I feel I’d be able to train whoever becomes the delegate about the major nuances of Orussid culture.” Loki found himself pleased at how the other man seemed open to the idea. Hopefully, Thor would be of the same mindset.

“Have you passed this idea by Thor?”

“Not yet. I wanted to ask you about it first since I’ll be leaving in a few days. If you aren’t interested, then there’s no need for me to bother him with the idea.” Loki took a sip of his tea. “I simply want to keep the communication between our people open.”

“I like it, actually. S’li will be annoyed with me, but I think it’s a good idea.” While Clayton knew of Orussid with calmer temperaments, she also happened to be the one who’d taken to Basic the best. The others either spoke as minimally as possible, or flat out refused.

“It will take time to organize, if Thor agrees, so you’ll have time to convince her.”

“I figure we can meet on a neutral planet to exchange the delegates, that way it’s a lot less risky than going to either side’s planet.” It simply made sense to him and stemmed from his bounty hunting days.

“I agree.” Loki recalled many instances where Asgard had acted as a neutral ground for the signing of agreements.

“Sounds good. Let me know what Thor has to say.”

Then, just like that, Loki found himself alone at the table after Clayton excused himself. He quirked a slight smile as he sipped his tea. The next stage involved talking Thor into the idea and then a hint of his mischievous streak slipped into the equation. How would Clayton act if Thor’s _sister_ walked off the ship?

Once back at New Asgard, Loki explained the idea to his brother then mentioned he’d already asked Clayton about it and simply needed Thor’s approval. Thor slowly nodded as he listened and smiled once Loki finished. “It’s a good idea. There’s bad blood between both our people and perhaps this would help to strengthen relations.” Then, he frowned. “I’ll need to consider on who should be sent.”

Loki gave a charming smile, “Your sister, of course. I’m the one with the most experience with the Orussid and I’ve learned some of their body language and customs. Being a telepathic race, they rely more on body language than words and most of them don’t speak Basic very well.”

He stared at Loki for a long minute before he sighed heavily, “And does Clayton know about this?”

“No, I simply told him I’d bring the idea to you and then contact him with your decision. Choosing the delegate would be up to you.”

“It does make sense to send you based on your experience with them, but you’re not going as my sister. You’re going as my brother. Neither of us know how he’d react and I worry such actions could jeopardize what you’ve worked for.” Thor wasn’t about to deny that Loki had put substantial work into crafting the trade agreement. While New Asgard hadn’t been able to send much, the skins that had arrived on the return trip had greatly helped to craft much needed clothing.

Loki simply stared at Thor, blandly.

“Oh, by the All-Fathers, you’re going to do it anyway.” A constant trend with Loki, if Thor was honest with himself. “I realize you enjoy playing dangerous games Loki, but for the sake of what you’ve accomplished, put aside your tricks.”

“He knows about my shapeshifting and saw my female form before.” Loki opted to neglect to mention that it’d only been once and the context of the situation.

“That eases my worry. I just remember how it affected you when Asgard found out the truth about your parentage. I’m just concerned about everything should he be…Hostile. Midgardians are not as accepting as Asgardians are. During my time on Earth, I saw and read the vile things they’ve done. As much as I adore humans, they can be incredibly closed minded at times.”

This caused Loki to scoff and look away for a moment. When he focused back on his brother, his expression had turned frigid. “Do not speak to me about the oh so accepting Asgardians when you damn well know how they treated me after they found out about Laufey.”

Thor held his hands up in a gesture of peace, “I know and while I’m not defending their treatment of you, you must keep in mind the history between Asgardians and Jotunn.” He sighed and for a brief moment looked tired. “I’m just happy with what you’ve accomplished, Loki, just as you are proud of it. From how you’ve spoken of Clayton, I doubt it was easy to manage. Because of that, I don’t want you to damage what you’ve done on account of playing a trick.”

Loki’s icy expression melted somewhat. It always caused a sharp ache in his chest to hear Thor give such praise; he’d never told his brother the things Odin had said and done. “For all of my trickery and deceit, this wouldn’t be one of them. I realize what I’ve managed to create the beginnings of, I just…”

He cut Loki off, “Then I introduce you as my sister. You are correct in that you’re the most experienced with the Orussid. If their leader is incapable of understanding, then New Asgard will continue to stand without ally.”

After a bit of back and forth, the two Kings finally decided on a date, location, and general set up of the exchange. It left Clayton wondering if he’d made the right decision, but Loki had made a point: he couldn’t develop trade and hope to remain isolated. S’li hadn’t been pleased with the idea of being a delegate when he brought it up to her.

_This Singular is a warrior._

_I know you are, and you’re a damned good one…But not all wars are won with action. Words can be just as deadly. I don’t think you understand how important this is._

_Then share with us; you remain separate from us._

Clayton sighed when she pointed out how he hadn’t quite fully opened his mind to the hive. He liked having his privacy. _You represent the hive and represent us, represent **me** …And will have the opportunity to help move the hive forward, to better itself. No one else will have that honor. You’re no longer S’li. You’re S’li, the Speaker and I grant you the honor of ‘I’. _

Since the Orussid had a thing about names and titles, he figured slapping a title onto things would soothe her irritation and help drive home how important her role was. They were also a bit weird about the concept of referring to themselves as ‘I’, despite his frequent encouragements of using the identifier. Patiently, he waited and couldn’t help but grin to himself at the muted surprise that rippled through the hive.

_This… **I** understand. Thank you._

When the big day finally arrived, Clayton, S’li, and a handful of guards piled into Xena. The three Orussid were content to stay in the cargo bay area and nap away the trip. Clayton had briefed S’li the best he could about Asgardian culture but had thoroughly reminded her that the two civilizations had vast differences. She saw it as a challenge.

Clayton stepped off the ramp when they landed at Seaton and squinted at the sunlight reflecting off the buildings. The port was as legal as they came and located on an oceanic planet. It tended to be a popular tourist destination, but worked for a neutral location. He’d had the foresight of informing the local authorities of what was planned to avoid any legal issues.

Nervously, but impatiently, he waited. It was a major step, and while he didn’t hold ill will towards Thor, he couldn’t be sure the Asgardian King felt the same way. Still, the guy had agreed to this whole thing, so they were on decent terms, right?

One of the Orussid mentally nudged him. Clayton turned and spotted Thor flanked by two guards. Next to him, barely reaching his shoulder walked a delicate seeming black-haired woman. For a moment, he thought she seemed familiar but shook off the thought as he walked towards the four to greet them.  He gave the woman a slight nod before looking to Thor. “It’s good to see you, Thor.”

“Likewise. I’m glad our previous meeting hasn’t soured things.” Thor grinned, happy that things remained amicable.

“No…I think everyone was stressed. That whole mess was a massive chapter that I’m glad is done with. Anyway.” He tilted his head towards S’li. “This is S’li. She’s the delegate we’re offering. I’ve tried to inform her the best I can about Asgardian culture, but…I really don’t know a lot. So, you’ll have to excuse any mistakes she makes.”

“Mistakes are expected.” Thor replied, warmly before he shifted his attention to S’li. “I’m honored to meet you, S’li.”

S’li canted her head slightly. “I also honored.”

Finally, Thor indicated the woman beside him. “The Asgardian delegate is my sister.”

Clayton tried to pay attention, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit sour at how the Asgardians seemed to breeze into the whole political thing, no big deal. No doubt, his group looked a bit rag tag. Though, the information about the woman being Thor’s sister snapped him out of his thoughts. “Your sister? Just how many siblings do you have?”

“Just one.”

He didn’t bother to hide the look of confusion on his face, which only got worse at the look and slight eyebrow raise Thor gave his sister…Nor did the poorly hidden smirk the woman wore.  Clayton felt he had missed something very, very important. “Uhm…Okay. So…Loki’s not your brother?”

“...I thought you told him?” Thor looked back to the woman next to him, who’d stopped trying to hide the smirk.

“I did. Once.”

Clayton’s mind churned and then he grimaced slightly at the memory of Loki shortly after they’d met. That’d been awkward. “…I’m hazarding a guess and saying that’s Loki.”

“You’d be correct.” Loki couldn’t help but feel smug over tricking both the Kings and fully ignored her brother’s thinly hidden, exasperated sigh. “I’m very hard to get rid of once I’ve developed an interest in something.”

“You’ll excuse my sibling…She’s notorious for being a trickster.” Thor sent an apologetic look to Clayton.

“Ah. Well, saves me the problem of doing a crash course in Orussid stuff.” Clayton just sort of shrugged. “Anyway, I hope you packed plenty of pants and a good pair of boots. I’m pretty sure you noticed how much it rains on New Elysium.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I did.” Loki lightly gestured at herself. “This is for show…Good impressions and what not.”

Honestly, Clayton found it all a bit awkward since it had caught him off guard. “Uh, I guess that’s it unless you folks want to get a drink…?”

Thor had begun to see what Loki meant about Clayton. While likely a capable fighter, the man had clearly stepped out of his element when it came to anything political. “Yes, I would like to orientate S’li to the basics of Asgardian culture.”

“Sounds good. I tried to give her as much information as I could, but…” Clayton shrugged slightly. He simply didn’t know much and doubted what he’d told her had been anything useful.

Once the two groups had split off to go their separate ways, Clayton felt somewhat concerned over what he’d gotten into. He honestly had a number of questions about the whole deal with Loki and was a bit…Miffed, in all actuality. On one hand, he briefly wondered if the shapeshifting was simply looks or…Well, the whole deal. Then again? Loki _had_ offered to be a consort and heavily implied something sexual which more or less answered that particular question. He wouldn’t ask; things were beyond awkward already and it really didn’t matter in the scheme of things.

On the other hand, it led to the question of ‘why?’ show up as a woman. He wouldn’t deny that as a woman, Loki was damned good looking in that ‘beautiful but kill you with a smile’ sort of way. But…Why? It made him wonder if it all wasn’t a ploy of some sort. Then again, he could easily be overthinking things and it be something entirely benign. His mind shifted to an entirely different direction. Clayton had always been around a male Loki and now Loki was a woman. How the fuck was he supposed to refer to…Him…Her? He didn’t have a fucking clue.

While Clayton had his existential crisis, Loki casually observed the city around her. It mimicked the ocean in color and glittered in differing shades of blue. Finally, she looked up at the man next to her, “Don’t like what you see?”

“I’m keeping things professional.” Because the truth was, yes, he did like what he saw…But honestly, it only went as far as that. Clayton liked occasionally looking and that was about it. Honestly, most of the awkwardness had to do with how he really, really, didn’t know what to call Loki. Although, Thor had said ‘sister’ so…Maybe it was best to run with what he’d said?

“You’re certainly quiet.”

“I’m always quiet.” He replied as he stepped into the ship. Once he climbed to the upper level, he hesitated and glanced down at Loki. This whole thing was beyond awkward. He didn’t know what he should or shouldn’t do. “Do…You need a hand?”

Rather than replying, Loki pulled herself up to the upper level and simply swanned past Clayton. “I assume I’ll have the same room?”

“Yeah. I’ll have to find someone to assign to you, if you want, since S’li went with Thor.”

“Or, I could simply ask you. I know many of the basics of Orussid culture.” She started for the helm, but then paused. “You don’t have to tiptoe, you know. I’m still the same person.”

Clayton didn’t particularly like being called out, and frankly felt grumpy that he hadn’t had advance warning. Knowing the delegate would be Loki would have been great and knowing Loki would be a woman would have been even better. He sighed and followed her to the helm. Already, Xena had broken through the atmosphere and the console show the nav computer readout for the jump drive.

Loki didn’t miss the tenseness that Clayton had at all and briefly wondered if Thor’d been right. “Do I make you uncomfortable when I’m like this?” She indicated her present form. “It’s obvious something’s wrong.”

“You…Caught me off guard, that’s all.” Clayton didn’t want it to be awkward, but apparently Loki decided that it needed to be awkward. “I didn’t expect you to be the delegate, least of all as a woman.”

There. He said it. The whole thing was weird. He knew, vaguely, of those who flipped the middle finger to the concept of gender on Earth, but this took it in a while different direction entirely. Even then, he had minimal experience. On the other hand, as welcoming as the LGBT community claimed to be, they sure as hell loved shitting on asexuals. He shoved the irritated thoughts out of his mind and tried to focus on the matter of hand.

“So, I do bother you.”

Oh, goddammit. This wasn’t going well. “No. I wasn’t expecting it and I honestly kinda forgot that little shit show you did when we first met. And now you’re making things awkward.”

Loki knew damn well she had started to back him into a corner, and she _loved_ it. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, but Thor had been correct: if Clayton drew issue, there wasn’t any need to have him and his people as allies. “How, exactly, am I making it awkward? You’re the one with the issue.”

“I don’t have an issue. It’s just...Weird.” The slight glare he received made him realize what he’d said. Which only served to frustrate him further because he hadn’t meant it like _that_. But hell, since he’d already started digging himself a hole, might as well keep going. “I’ve only ever seen you as a man and suddenly, boom, you’re a woman. And I…”

“What the ineloquent idiot is trying to say is that he’s confused.” Xena finally interrupted.

Clayton made an exasperated sigh and just gestured at the console to indicate that Xena had been correct. “Yeah. That. I don’t wanna ask questions ‘cause it’s none of my business and they’re probably insulting.”

Suddenly, it all made sense to Loki. “You should have just said so, I won’t be insulted and Thor already mentioned that Midgardians can be slightly…Dense at times. The basic run down is: if I have breasts, I’m a woman. If I don’t, I’m a man. Sometimes I’m neither, but that’s rare. Yes, everything works. Yes, I’ve had sex.” She smirked and gave him a once over before adding sassily. “And yes, maybe I’d be interested in having it with you.”

He blinked a few times at the thorough list of answers and, she wasn’t wrong. It did answer the questions he had. Though the last quip nearly caused him to grimace. Not his cup of tea. “Let’s keep things professional.”

Clayton’s reaction caused Loki to wonder, but now wasn’t the right time to ask. Already, she’d stirred things up a nice bit and decided that pushing things wouldn’t be a good idea. “Well, if you have further questions, I’m not opposed to answering.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

The remainder of the trip saw Clayton continuing to feel awkward. While he guessed the initial misunderstanding had been cleared up, he still really didn’t know. Unfortunately for him, the Orussid weren’t much help and honestly found the whole thing funny. While the gender bending did contribute to the awkwardness a bit, it was really the quip Loki had made concerning sex. He didn’t know if she’d been serious or if it’d been an attempt to further unsettle him. Maybe a bit of both? Either way, it made him uncomfortable.

Thankfully, when they arrived on New Elysium it wasn’t raining. Otherwise, getting all of Loki’s things where they needed to be would have been a hassle. Once Loki was back in her apartment, Clayton started trying to slip out, but the Asgardian took quick notice of his attempt.

“Clayton, I’d like to discuss more about the Orussid culture tomorrow or perhaps get a general idea of the day-to-day business you handle. If I have a better idea of what’s needed here, then I can work with Thor in order to adjust what’s traded.”

He nodded slightly, “I can do that. Uh…What time do you usually wake up? I tend to be up pretty early.”

“It doesn’t really matter, just when you get up will work. I need to adjust to the different day-night cycle.” Loki vaguely gestured at the ceiling. “It’s different from New Asgard. Normally, I’d be asleep right now.”

“Ah, well. That works for me then.” Clayton gave her a brief smile. “See you at dawn, then.”

Loki stared at the door after it shut. Dawn? “…Well, shit.”


	12. The Day to Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tempest" - Audiomachine

The tablet on the end table began chirping and Clayton blearily opened his eyes. After a moment, he expertly leaned over and turned off the alarm without the hammock dumping him on the floor. Still sleepy, he rubbed at his eyes before he looked towards the window. Rather than seeing the muted grey of dawn, he saw darkness. Thunder faintly rumbled overhead. Of course, it’d rain. He slowly stretched, not exactly in a hurry to get up; rainy mornings always made him sleepy and slow to wake.

The gentle, mental nudge from the cook further roused him as he had to think about what he wanted for breakfast. While fully capable of cooking for himself, he’d felt the need to find an appropriate job for the Orussid. Cook had been an early cocoon and for whatever reason the process hadn’t gone correctly. Sure, he’d changed into an Orussid, but retained his former size. This meant he couldn’t keep up with the other, larger Orussid. So, Clayton found him a job rather than ‘culling’ him as the hive had suggested. It’d been one of the many changes he’d made as king.

He finally requested something warm, and absently remembered about Loki a few moments later. Cook didn’t mind the addon order and happily set to work. This left Clayton to putter around his apartment for a bit as he woke up, but he finally snagged his tablet and meandered down to Loki’s. There, he knocked on the door. When nothing happened, he pounded on it. “Loki! Let’s go!”

From inside, he heard a faint _thump_ followed by muted cursing. He raised his arm to pound on the door again when it suddenly opened to reveal a still female Loki looking extremely perturbed and heavily sleep mussed. Clayton held up the tablet, “I told you: I get up a dawn.”

The door slammed shut in his face, and he couldn’t exactly be surprised. “I’m gonna keep bugging you, Loki. You wanted to see the day to day activities. Well, part of that is getting up bright and early.” Alright, so maybe he also wanted a bit of revenge concerning yesterday. “Let’s go.”

“At least offer me the decency of breakfast, first!” Came Loki’s muffled reply from the other side of the door as she moved around the apartment.

“Or, I already thought ahead and ordered breakfast for both of us while we discuss business. It’s waiting downstairs.” Clayton leaned against the wall next to the door and boredly flicked his tail around while he did a quick check of his messages on the tablet. While he doubted that there’d be anything personal for him, he just wanted to double check. “So, hurry up before it gets cold.”

A moment later, Loki opened the door and stalked out, still looking perturbed over being woken so early. ”I’d hoped you were exaggerating.”

“Nope!” Clayton pushed away from the wall and started downstairs. Briefly, he rolled his eyes at the potential incoming dramatics, if the long-suffering sigh from behind him indicated anything. “If it’ll calm you down, there’s a cup of tea, too.”

Once they’d reached the lounge, Clayton immediately snagged his cup of coffee and took a sip. Then, he set the tablet in the center of the table so it could display a hologram of the screen. “I pretty much just review my messages, check up on any important news in the system, and send Xena any orders regarding the fleet while I have breakfast. It sort of serves as a nice wake up.”

“Has the rain changed your plans?” Loki asked as she stirred her breakfast. It seemed to be some sort of cooked grained with chunks of, what she assumed, were fruit. Since the Orussid grew their own food, she’d encountered a number of ‘fruits’ that turned out to be vegetables and vice versa. While it often gave an interesting flavor to the food, the first few times had been fairly surprising.

“A little bit.” He squinted slightly at a message before he started composing a reply. “It’s moving into the rainy season, which just means frequent showers. The storm should move out in an hour or two.”

Loki ate in silence, for the moment. Most of the messages that popped up on the hologram seemed to be related to ordering supplies. Although, one or two were blatant spam if the titles were any indication. Still, she found herself becoming increasingly bored as time went on. “Is this normal for you, or has the rain put a damper on things?”

“Pretty normal. I don’t really lead an exciting life unless jackoffs named Thanos are fucking things up.” Clayton focused on Loki. “Seriously. Not a lot goes on and things tend to be pretty boring.”

“You have a lot of downtime, then?”

“Nah. If I’m not working on ordering supplies, I’m going back and forth with Xena about things…Or I’m researching different things to teach the Orussid.” He paused to take a few bites of food. “Or I’m checking up on training or overseeing the ranking fights. With S’li gone, I need to find another Battlemaster…Which means I’ll probably be overseeing the training until I can find a satisfactory replacement. All and all, I tend to stay busy till dinner.”

Loki side eyed Clayton at the list of things he’d be doing and compared it against the earlier claim of life being ‘boring’. “That’s an impressive list of things to do. I take it that today’s an abnormally busy day?”

“Huh? No. That tends to be every day.”

“I see.” Loki didn’t bother to hide her frown. “With how busy you are, what do you do for leisure?”

Clayton shrugged slightly as he sent another message. “I might read a bit before bed, or maybe watch a movie. Just depends on how I feel.”

“No, I meant when you have an off day.”

He gave a short laugh. “I don’t take off days.”

“Never?” Even when she’d been in charge of Asgard, Loki had taken off days. On the other hand, she’d also had advisors to handle things and assign tasks to. About the only positive thing she’d learned from Odin had been to keep a balanced work-personal life when it came to ruling. Leaning too far in either direction could lead to either personal or kingdom ruin. Besides all that, it simply wasn’t healthy. “Why can’t you assign some of the tasks to the Orussid?”

“The Orussid don’t really get the whole…Political thing. They’re designed for war and I’m having to slowly introduce the idea of culture to them. Honestly, a good chunk of them voted against the trade agreement simply because they didn’t like you.” Clayton pushed his empty bowl away from him.

Loki didn’t miss how her first question got sidestepped, but the unspoken response answered plenty. “And how do they feel about me now that I’ve established the basics of trade with New Asgard?”

He shrugged, “That doesn’t matter to them. You were in a prime position to kill me and likely would have if Xena hadn’t stepped in. That’s not something that’s easily forgiven.”

Normally, she didn’t care what others thought of her. Years of the shit the Asgardians had said behind her back had seen to it. However, now? She sought to actually craft something worthwhile and found herself concerned about what Clayton thought of her. Alliances couldn’t be built on mistrust, after all. Still, the sensation struck her as foreign. “Understandable. What about you?”

This caused Clayton to hesitate a moment, but he finally sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, on one hand, Xena told me what you said…About how I reminded you of someone. I’m not going to claim I was pleasant to be around with everything that happened. But…” He finally shrugged. “I’m going to leave it up to everyone being under a lot of stress, for now. Yeah, I trust you about as far as I can throw you right now…But I’ll give credit where it’s due: you’re trying to put something together and that says a lot. Gotta say, though. Thor’s ballsy for sending you.”

This only meant Loki needed to work harder. Still, things weren’t as bad as they could have been, but again, she took it as a challenge. After all, she’d wormed her way into the Grandmaster’s inner circle within a matter of weeks. On the other hand, that _had_ involved some…Physical persuasion. Something she’d enjoyed immensely.

Such a thing didn’t seem to be on the table with Clayton, for whatever reason. It baffled her at the sheer lack of interest. Even when she’d been around those who hated her, there had always been _some_ looks of interest, no matter how minor. “I more or less twisted my brother’s arm behind his back. Although, I presented the convincing argument concerning my prior experience with the Orussid. He agreed it was better to send me rather than me training someone and them misinterpreting what I was trying to teach them. As I learned with S’li, the Orussid have a different way of presenting ideas in speech.”

“They don’t really like talking.” Clayton finally pushed himself up to his feet and motioned for Loki to follow as he walked out of the building. The rain had finally slowed to more of a mist and the clouds had thinned enough to let the early morning light through. “I always try to take a walk around a different part of the city each morning. While everyone is connected in a hivemind, there’s about six thousand Orussid, so I can’t pay individual attention to everyone. Sure, they can let me know if there’s something serious going on, but…”

“It helps with relations for them to actually see you.”

Clayton grinned slightly, “Exactly.” His smile faltered somewhat as he watched a group of young Orussid make their way to the creche for the day. “I…Want them to realize that they’re more than just mindless cogs in a war machine.”

“What’s their origin, anyway? Asgardian history doesn’t mention much about them beyond the campaign against them.”

Clayton held up a finger before turning his attention to an Orussid who worked the forges. There, he stood in silence with the only indication that anything happened between them being the occasional nod he made. Telepathically, they discussed how the smith needed more scrap metal to continue forging tools for the crop fields, and various other matters relating to the creature’s work.

Once done, Clayton continued both walking and his earlier conversation. “They were created by an ancient being called a ‘Celestial’ to act as shock troops before the subjugation of planets. After she died or was killed, they were basically left on their own to survive.”

“So, you’re undoing everything they were designed to do.” Loki glanced up at the sky as it slowly grew darker, hinting that another wave of rain would start soon.

“Trying to, at least. Some of it they did on their own before their ‘destruction’ in order to survive.” Clayton also looked up and then gestured towards the center of the city. “Looks like we ought to head back before it dumps on us.”

Even without the threat of rain, Loki agreed with the idea. Enough time had passed that the idea of lunch sounded appealing. “When do you normally eat lunch?”

“It’ll be set up when we get there.”

They managed to reach the building shortly before it started raining again, much to Loki’s relief. The storm not only had brought rain, but also small bits of hail. While not enough to cause harm, the pebble sized chunks of ice likely would have stung a fair amount. Lunch ended up being similar to breakfast and she quietly ate her soup as Clayton sorted through more messages. She hadn’t seen the full day, but she already suspected the man followed a strict day to day routine.

The storm ended up being a quick moving one, something Clayton assured her happened often. So, after lunch, they made their way down to the small ‘arena’ where the ranking matches were held. There, Clayton prowled between the pairs of young Orussid as they grappled with each other. Now and then, he’d pause and tap a body part with his tail. While deaf to whatever conversation happened, Loki suspected that he’d seen something he didn’t approve of, or gave suggestions to improve.

Evening rolled around and Loki found herself thankful. Not only did it mean food, it also meant they’d be able to sit down and rest. Surprisingly, not for her sake, but Clayton’s. As the day had continued on, the clear signs of fatigue had started to set in. His stride became slower and with less bounce, he held his tail lower, and the vaguely forced smiles became less frequent.

While she didn’t know when he went to bed, the habits she’d learned over the course of the day caused plenty of slight concern. Minimal breaks through the day, no days off, and likely minimal sleep…If the conversation between Xena and him some time back had been any indication. All and all, it didn’t bode very well for an alliance. A sleep deprived ruler ended up being testy and making mistakes.

Still, it’d only been the first day and perhaps such a busy day tended to be out of the ordinary instead of the norm. She decided to give it a few days before making any decisions. Though, she _had_ decided that lunch would likely be the best time to talk any Asgardian trade business. Clayton seemed to prefer to handle updates in the morning and ended up being grumpy in the evening. During lunch he proved to be the most amicable.

Unfortunately, the routine ended up being normal. Several days of shadowing Clayton saw Loki steadily wearing down. If nothing else, he ended up being very consistent in his wake-up times, something she ended up loathing. It also ended up being incredibly _boring_. Half the time, Clayton ignored her presence completely unless she asked a question. On the other hand, her inclination concerning her gender shifted back towards the masculine once more, which gave a prime opportunity to inject a bit of excitement.

The adjustment to his routine hadn’t been hard for Clayton. His apartment sat on the third floor, so it didn’t take much effort to stop at the second floor and knock on the door till the heard the Asgardian cursing, then head down to the first floor for breakfast. On the fifth day, he didn’t waste time on waiting for Loki and simply started eating breakfast.

“You didn’t wait for me? I’m insulted.”

He’d sort of grown accustomed to Loki being a woman, so the sound of a familiar male voice caused his head to pop up. Clayton glanced over his shoulder and nearly rolled his eyes at the vaguely amused expression the man behind him wore.

“What?” Loki asked as he settled into his usual chair to survey the breakfast offering.

“Just…Wasn’t expecting you to be a man again.” Clayton frowned slightly. “So, you got bored of being a woman, then?”

Loki violently rolled his eyes. Thor had been quite correct, apparently: Midgardians just didn’t get it. “You really don’t understand, do you?”

“…No.”

This prompted an overly dramatic sigh at the idea of explaining, since Loki was used to Asgardians more or less getting it. Still, if it helped relations. “I don’t get _bored_. It’s more of a…” Loki actually found himself struggling to explain. He’d never really needed to in the past. If he stated what gender he felt like, Asgardians simply nodded and continued on talking as if he’d mentioned the weather. “Mood, I suppose. Have you ever woken up in some mood and it sticks with you the entire day?”

Clayton nodded. “Plenty of times. So…You just wake up some days and feel like a woman?”

“It’s more complex than that. I’m trying to dumb it down.” Loki poked at the fried meat on his plate with his fork for a moment. “I’m comfortable as either, if I’m honest. Though, some days I’ll feel more of one than the other. I don’t expect you to really understand, since it’s not something easily grasped. Though, I’m likely not explaining very well since Asgardians don’t have an issue with a person’s gender or sexuality. It’s acknowledged and we move on.”

“Must be nice.” Clayton mused and briefly reflected on the issues he’d had over the course of his life.

“What makes you say that?”

Clayton simply shook his head and shifted his attention to his coffee. This left Loki curious about the statement, but he’d gotten used to the vague comments Clayton often made. It had long since become clear there was plenty left unsaid, but Loki hadn’t figured out why.

“Hmn. Well, I won’t be walking with you today, if you don’t mind. Thor wants me to send him weekly updates.”

“That’s perfectly fine. I wasn’t really expecting you to follow me around all the time, anyway.” Clayton finally finished his coffee, gave Loki a nod, and left.

Loki remained at the table for a bit, musing over their brief conversation before he finally got up and returned upstairs. While he had minimal to report, he also found himself curious on how S’li had managed during her first week on New Asgard. According to Thor, things had gone well.

“She seemed curt and unfriendly, at first, but I believe it’s more due to how she speaks.” Thor started, but then grinned broadly. “Did you know the Orussid have genetic memory? We have found a common interest in talking about great battles over dinner. She’s also identified several things we could potentially trade in the future. How are matters on your end?”

Loki slowly rolled a smooth stone he’d found over his fingers. “I haven’t made much progress. I get the distinct feeling Clayton doesn’t really know what to do with a delegate. We’ve briefly talked about trade, but haven’t identified anything else. He’s very focused on micromanaging everything and hasn’t assigned anyone to really help him manage the city. I’m not sure how much of that is inexperience and how much is simply him, but it doesn’t help that he has minimal trust for me.”

“I’m not surprised you’re having trouble gaining his trust, considering.” Thor mused, quietly. “Patience is a must, I suppose.”

“Well, my usual tactics aren’t an option with him.”

“…Dare I ask what they are?” Thor glanced up at Loki’s illusion which gave a suggestive smile. This prompted the Asgardian King to rub his eyes and sigh. “I should have known…”

“It worked with the Grandma–“

“I really am not interested in knowing about your conquests, Loki.” Thor dropped his hand back down to his side. “Regardless, let me know how your continuing negotiations fare.”

Loki rolled his eyes and waved away his illusion; he knew when Thor’d had enough of his games. The time by himself gave him plenty of chances to think, but most of his issue stemmed from how hard it was to find Clayton away from ‘work’. Although, with how the man had thrown himself into things, could it really be considered wok? It seemed to be closer to his life.

After dinner, Loki excused himself to go for a walk. The storm clouds had finally parted and gave a wonderful view of the planet’s triplet moons. Each were of a different color and size, suggesting differing compositions. Faintly, he could also make out the distant gas giant with its glittering rings that was New Elysium’s sole planetary companion in the system. For a while, he perched on scrap metal and simply listened to the native wildlife.

Clayton barely acknowledged Loki when he returned and still sat on the stool at the table. Idly, he flipped through sales listings, but paused to pinch the bridge of his nose before taking a sip of cold coffee. The lines of text blurred into each other every now and then, prompting him to rub his eyes in order to clear them. Loki’s voice caused him to jump slightly.

“Do you even sleep?” Loki slid into the chair across from Clayton.

“No, not really.” Clayton peered into his coffee cup and downed the rest of the contents.

Immediately, the memory of the conversation between Clayton and Xena bubbled up in Loki’s mind and his brows furrowed in uncharacteristic concern. While he could applaud the stubborn drive the man in front of him had, this sheer degree went beyond ‘unhealthy’. “…The fuck…Go to bed.”

Clayton snorted softly, having heard similar from Xena over the past few years. “Nah. Got stuff that needs to be taken care of.” He gestured at the hologram in front of him. “Watching an auction.”

“Then have Xena take care of it, because what’s going to happen when you pass out because you’re tired?” He had a strong feeling the AI would enjoy stealing the auctions at the very last nanosecond.

“She’d probably try to crash the entire market.” Clayton tapped a listing. “If I pass out, then I’ll sleep when it happens.”

What would drive a man to get such little sleep? Loki reached forward for the tablet. “Would you please go to sleep for just a few hours? You look like you’re about to fall over.”

Clayton’s tail reached up and lightly batted at Loki’s hand, prompting the man to pull his hand back. “You’ve been hanging out too much with Xena.”

“…I haven’t, actually.” Loki didn’t miss the sudden tight look Clayton’s face got.

Rather than replying, Clayton tapped in a bid and chose to ignore Loki. Unfortunately, Loki decided to push things a bit further. “Do the Orussid know you do this?” Then, he remembered something S’li had said. “…S’li said you keep your mind closed to the hive…They don’t know, do they? What you’re doing to yourself.”

Clayton finally looked up at Loki, his tail heavily lashing from side to side. “I need to talk to S’li then. She says a lot of things she shouldn’t.” He left the question unanswered, but snatched up the tablet. “Don’t give me your false concern, Loki. I don’t want it.”

Perplexed, Loki watched the man storm off. His concern hadn’t been false by any stretch of the word, but clearly, he’d hit some sort of raw nerve. Very raw, if the sheer irritation he’d briefly felt from Clayton had been any indication. While his curiosity burned bright on what might elicit such a reaction, Loki also knew better than the chase after the man. Push him too hard and he’d lash out. Slowly, he meandered up to his apartment. As Thor had stated, he’d have to be patient.


	13. Two Broken Souls in a Fishbowl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Wish You Were Here" - Pink Floyd

Clayton’s irritation towards Loki simmered for a few days and meals were often eaten in silence. He didn’t see his words as being too terribly harsh, but clearly, they’d been enough to result in unspoken tension. Either way, he continued on with his day to day routine. This included his near nightly walks to try and clear his mind. As far as he knew, Loki went to bed sometime after dinner after reading a bit. So, when he damn near walked into the man during his nightly walk, Clayton couldn’t help but be startled.

Then, his surprise shifted to annoyance since it happened to be fairly late at night. “And a few days ago, you were bitching about me not getting enough sleep.”

Loki didn’t like to admit that he had nightmares, and a sarcastic quip about a conjugal visit with some Orussid sat on the tip of his tongue. However, Xena’s comment about collateral came to mind, but that didn’t mean Loki didn’t choose to be sarcastic. “Well, I’m sure everyone would be annoyed by the screaming.”

This caught Clayton off guard. “What are you talking about?”

After a half second, Loki made an uncomfortable sigh. He hated talking about what he perceived as a weakness. “I…Can’t sleep. I have nightmares.”

Clayton made a quiet sigh at the admission and nodded slightly. He understood that sensation all too well. “Yeah…I get that. I get maybe only about five hours of sleep because I get them and I usually can’t sleep in general.”

Another puzzle piece fell into place. Loki realized Clayton’s long days were likely an attempt to exhaust himself enough to be able to sleep. “Well, I’m sure all the coffee doesn’t help. It _is_ a stimulant, after all.”

“Nah…I’m practically immune to the stuff anymore.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he considered something. Finally, Clayton gestured for Loki to follow him. After a bit of a hike, he reached a lookout point that gave an extremely good view of both the Orussid city and the surrounding area. “I like to come up here when I can’t sleep.”

Honestly, Loki felt amazed at how Clayton had suddenly opened up a bit. The damned psychotic AI had been right and he made a mental note, in bold, to ask her for more advice later. “I can see why.”

“It’s quiet, and sometimes, I like to think the distance means I have my head to myself, even if it's just for a bit…You already know they're a hivemind...The Orussid…But…I always hear them. Just this constant murmur in the back of my head. Sort of like I was in a crowded room.” Despite being willing to talk a bit about himself, Clayton kept a careful rein on what he said. He had too much dammed up from the years and knew if he talked too much it’d all come flooding out.

“It never stops?” Loki knew an opportunity when he saw one and he pounced on how Clayton seemed willing to answer questions about himself.

Clayton nodded, “Never. It’s quieter at night, but there’s always some awake. I always feel their minds.”

Loki’s mind churned over this new information and a sudden realization struck him. “You feel…That means…”

Clayton looked over at Loki and made a small, slow nod. “I won't lie and say I was pleasant to be around when you first arrived, but you have to realize. I felt half my people die. Each of their minds just...Fizzling out. What's worse is the speed of thought is instantaneous. Not only was there the deaths, but also the fear of not knowing what was happening and not knowing if they were next. When the first went, we all knew and it was just confusion and then…Fear when more vanished. Then it was just…A void where they’d all been."

They stood there in silence for several minutes. Loki’s mind continued to churn and finally, he made a quiet sigh. “I’m…Sorry. For my original opinion of you, I mean. I didn’t know how the Orussid worked and simply assumed they obeyed you through some other means. If I’d known the degree…”

“I didn’t exactly make it obvious, plus I was pretty interested in finding out what the hell was going on.”

“You also found your mother gone. I…Should have known it was grief.” A great deal of Clayton’s behavior during those few days suddenly made sense. The loss of the Orussid alone had been reason, but compounding it with the loss of his mother and friends? Honestly, Loki felt surprised the man hadn’t simply stabbed him.

Clayton sat down on a rock, ignoring the damp moss covering it. "Not...Grief. Shock. None of us knew what was going on till Nebula showed up. I mean, we all suspected Thanos did something, but she just confirmed things.” After a moment, he shrugged and sighed. “I'm not really forthcoming with my emotions, anyway. I’m too used to Xena being aware of my moods from how long we’ve been partners."

Finally, he looked down at the soggy greenery that hid his feet. "I guess it could be considered grief. They're...My children in a sense. I found the original 500 as eggs, damned 500 lives to birth them. Ordered the death of countless more to raise the rest of them." Clayton gave a one shouldered shrug, “Not going to say I’m proud of what I did, but…”

“War’s war and sacrifices need to be made.” Loki replied and kept his gaze on the city in front of him. “There’s not just the issue of the Orussid. You also lost your mother and then your friends. I failed to take all of that into account.”

"True...It was just an overall shitty situation." Clayton glanced up at Loki. “I’m not going to claim I was nice to be around and you had shit going on, too. I don’t know…It just sucked.”

“No…I should have been more understanding. I know the feeling of finding out about your mother’s death after the fact, and being able to do nothing.” Loki looked down at his hands and lightly picked at his left one. “Mine was murdered, and I wouldn’t speak to anyone but Thor for weeks. I still blame myself for her death. Prisoners escaped their cells and rather than sounding the alarm, I told them how to escape the prison. I was angry at my father, and didn’t realize they would kill her.”

Clayton didn’t miss the tightness in Loki’s voice and murmured out his sympathies. Comfort hadn’t been a skill he cultivated, but he still made the effort when needed. He looked away from the other man, “I guess I’m lucky that I got mine back.”

“Tell me about your mother. I saw the pictures on the walls of her home.” Loki finally sat down on a relatively moss free rock.

“I…We haven’t talked in close to seven years. She thinks I’m dead.” He pulled his tail closer to himself. "I was human, at one point. When I...Changed, I freaked out. Figured my family wouldn't react well. I was the only surviving child mom had…Bunch of miscarriages and stillbirths before I came along. I thought they wouldn't handle the idea of me changing into a freak very well. Last time I was even at my hometown was after dad died."

For a long moment, Loki stared at Clayton before he leaned over and smacked the man in the head. He ignored the sound of indignant protest. "She's your mother, that's not going matter to her."

“…I have a fucking tail. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but humans generally don’t have tails.” Clayton lightly touched where Loki had smacked him.

“She’s your mother. She’ll love you, regardless.” Loki tried to keep the emotion out of his voice. Despite all of the things he’d done…Frigga still loved him and never lost hope that he’d see the error of his ways. He silently apologized to his mother; it’d happened too late.

“She lied to me my entire life. Maybe dad did too, but I don’t know if he knew or not.”

Loki’s mind stuttered to a stop, all too familiar with the parallel. Carefully, he spoke. “What was the lie?”

“She’s not from earth. She’s from Xandar. Apparently, she was a smuggler or…Something. Went and found some Orussid eggs with her crew…And Xena explained what happens with the eggs, yeah? Well, something went…Weird with the egg that got her. It just changed her…Somehow. Nothing obvious. Just her genes.” Clayton’s tail swished angrily behind him. “The brothers and sisters that never made it came out as freaks. I was the only ‘normal’ one. At least till my early twenties. Y’know how Xena said the Orussid molt?”

Honestly, the sudden deluge of information left Loki a bit wide eyed, but he didn’t dare ask any questions. He’d gotten a lot more than he’d expected, but it told him volumes about the man. “I remember.”

“So…Yeah. That happened to me. And resulted in…” He gestured at himself. “Wasn’t till I found the Orussid that I found out what happened. Fuckin’ genetic memory, man. Turns out that I’m the…Grandson, I guess? I don’t know…Of the last Orussid Queen.”

“Moranna.”

Clayton clapped, “Nailed it! All things considered, it’s pretty fucked up that I found out from them.”

It honestly caused Loki to reflect on his own parents and how his Jotunn heritage had been kept from him. Yet, Frigga had still seen him as her own son. “I understand the anger, but…She’s your mother. She thinks you’re dead and have been for years.”

“I doubt it came to a surprise to anyone.” Clayton scoffed and looked down at his hands. The temptation to continue speaking was strong, but he bit it back. He’d already said so much and he worried that speaking further would knock out the final rock that kept the dam plugged.

“Why don’t you want to go home?” Considering Clayton’s anger, Loki knew further questions could be risky, but at the same time…The anger had a different target than him, which made him feel safe in asking questions. Still, he knew he’d have to be careful.

Clayton remained silent for a long few minutes as he debated answering the question. Finally, he sighed and tilted his head back. "I…My family didn't really get me. I had to act...Normal. I was always bugged on why I wasn't dating or why I hadn't settled down with someone. They never really got it that I wasn't...Interested. So, I had to pretend that I was just too busy or had to get into a relationship just to satisfy them." He abruptly laughed and shook his head. “Christ, I sound like some angsty 15-year-old whining about his parents.”

“Why didn’t you? Is it because you didn’t find someone you liked?”

Clayton made a harsh sigh at the question. He’d heard the question so many times, had to explain so many times, and he just didn’t feel like doing it again. “You won’t get it. No one really does.”

The look Loki gave him was completely unimpressed. “Try me.”

For a moment, Clayton strongly considered walking away, but figured the question would end up coming up again and again till he finally wore down. “I’m…Not hugely interested in sex. I’ll have my moments, once in a blue moon, when I’m actually interested. But most of the time? Nah.”

“Are you sure it’s not because of how you take care of yourself? You barely get sleep, that could affect your interest.” For Loki, it made perfect sense. Clayton didn’t exactly take care of himself, and he honestly couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of someone not wanting sex.

Clayton _glared_. “No, it’s not because I’m fucking sick. There’s nothing wrong with me and you can fuck right the fuck off with that idea.”

The sudden anger caused Loki to jerk back in surprise. Quickly, he held his hands up in a gesture of peace. “Then help me understand. I meant no ill will with my question.”

“No, we’re done.” Clayton stood up to leave. Instead, Loki grabbed his arm. Instinctively, Clayton pressed the tip of his tail against the man’s throat. Oddly enough, Loki merely tilted his head back slightly, as if used to having sharp things at his throat.

“Please. I want to understand. Remember what I said about Asgardians a few days ago?”

Clayton glared for a moment before withdrawing his tail. “I’ve never been interested in sex, even when I was younger. I like being in relationships, but…”

“You prefer the companionship.”

“…Yes, exactly.” He pulled his arm out of Loki’s grasp and stepped away to give himself room. “And people don’t get that.”

“It’s a hard concept to understand.” Loki agreed. At the same time, it explained why Clayton hadn’t been interested and the initial anger when they had first met. “I apologize for the advances I made. Had I known, I wouldn’t have made them.”

The apology caught him off guard and he stared, dumbly, at Loki for a moment. “I didn’t exactly ma–“

“No. Don’t try to excuse it. Most Asgardians prefer sexual relationships, be it with men or women, but a few simply aren’t interested. They’re not too terribly common, but I’ve ran into them once or twice. I won’t claim to understand your preferences, but since I’m aware of them, I won’t flirt with you. Again, I apologize.”

Clayton struggled to come up with something to say and found himself failing. “I sort of feel like a dick concerning the whole gender…Stuff.”

“Consider us equal? You don’t understand mine, I don’t understand yours and we both made faux pases. As long as there isn’t any willful hostility, I don’t think it really matters.”

“I…Yeah. That works.” Clayton stood there, awkwardly for a moment before he finally made a vague gesture. “I should get to bed.”

Loki simply nodded and wished the man a good night. Once Clayton had left, he sat back down on the rock and mentally put more pieces together. Slowly, but surely, he’d started to get a decent idea of who Clayton was. Still, a large number of pieces were missing, but tonight had seen him learn a great deal.

The tension during meals calmed significantly, but neither of them spoke about what they’d discussed. Loki figured it had contained highly sensitive topics and didn’t want to press Clayton too hard for information. He’d just gotten the man to open up a bit and he feared that too many questions could cause Clayton to withdraw again. That being said, Loki loathed the implication that he’d have to share things about himself.

Because of that implication, he started quietly sorting through what he felt he could talk about…Then locked the rest of the mess called his past away. Unfortunately, his subconscious had a way of drawing from that mess and crafting something hellish.

Loki clung to the broken edge of the Rainbow Bridge, the sharp shards dug into his stomach as he tried to pull himself up. He called for Thor, but received no answer. Slowly, he pulled himself back up onto the bridge and peered over the edge at the void below. A noise behind him drew his attention and when he turned around, Odin stood there grasping Gungnir in his right hand. Behind him, stood Thor with Mjølnir. Before Loki could speak, Odin slammed the trident of the spear into his chest and lifted him up. He reached out towards Thor, “Brother…Help me.”

Thor stared impassively, then turned and walked away. Odin stared up at Loki, “I should have left you to die. Rather than being a useful political tool, you were nothing but a disgrace to my family. Did you really believe Frigga loved you? She was good at weaving both lies and illusions.”

“My mother…Loved me.” Loki gasped out as Odin dangled him over the edge of the bridge. Yet the whispers of doubt crept through his mind. What if Odin told the truth? He’d never been able to earn the praise Thor had received, and his father always made it clear that nothing he’d do could change it. Loki had always been the outsider, and Odin never ceased to remind him of it.

Loki felt torn between trying to pull himself further down the spear or trying to fling himself off of it into the void. Either way, it’d result in his death and he yearned for it…To finally be free from Odin after all these years.

“You were never an Asgardian, Loki. You are, and will always be a Frost Giant. It’s fitting that you should die as one.” Odin jabbed the spear forward, then jerked back, effectively knocking Loki off of the prongs. Loki screamed as he fell. For a brief moment, he saw Clayton, floating a short distance away from the bridge, judging his actions. Yet Loki still fell. Down, down, down, through the blue portal caused by the Tesseract, down towards a floating chunk of rock ruled by a Mad Titan.

“ _Loki!_ ”

Something woke Clayton from his sleep. Groaning, he reached over and batted at his tablet to display the lock screen, then groaned again at the time displayed. What had woken him up? Cook shoved his mind again in alarm and upon sensing him awake, presented the memory of screaming coming from Loki’s room. Clayton rolled out of the hammock and headed for the door, his tail flicking up his discarded shirt off the floor so he could pull it on. Even before he reached the man’s room, he reached out with his mind to try and see what was going on.

The rapid flickers of a nightmare greeted him. A shimmering bridge laid out before him, leading to a city. In front of him was Loki impaled on a spear being held by an older man. Then, the man flung Loki off the bridge towards a portal that opened up like the maw of some beast. Clayton brushed away the dream and quickly tapped the code in to unlock the door.

Moments later, he shook Loki’s shoulder. “Loki!”

The man’s eyes snapped open, then Clayton steeled himself against the barrage of jumbled thoughts and emotions. _Fear. Not dead. Scared. Going to be hurt. Attack, run._ In hindsight, leaning over someone who’d just woken up from a violent nightmare likely hadn’t been the best idea. Clayton felt the thought to attack before he saw the glimmer of the knife materializing. He barely jerked back in time to avoid having his throat slit open.

All he could really do was sit there on the floor while Loki fell out of the hammock and scrambled away from him to press his back into the corner. Most people would have followed after him, but Clayton sat there and waited. He knew the signs of the post nightmare terror, having experienced it plenty of times himself. So, he waited until Loki looked up at him. The tension in his shoulders remained, but the man didn’t look like he’d bolt anymore.

Loki had hoped that Clayton would have left, but the man still sat in the middle of his bedroom floor. He forced a calm face and waved away his knife. “Well, that was embarrassing! Let’s never mention that happening.”

“Are you alright?” Clayton remained sitting.

“Perfectly.” Loki blatantly lied as he tried to stop his hands from shaking.

Clayton stared at him for a long moment before simply getting up and walking out of the room. As soon as he heard the door shut, Loki let out a rough sigh and stared down at his hands. Both Odin and Thanos were dead, neither of them could harm him anymore and yet they continued to torment him in his dreams. His head popped back up when the front door opened again.

After a moment, Clayton stepped into the bedroom and stopped in front of him. There, he held out a cup, then made a slight ‘take it’ gesture towards Loki. Once it’d been taken, Clayton crouched down next to him and took a sip. Loki cupped his hands around the warm mug and sniffed of the contents. It smelled sweet and spiced with a hint of something that he couldn’t quite place.

Loki finally took a sip and found the drink to be some type of tea. It tasted pleasant enough and the spices left a warm tingle in his mouth. After a bit, he felt the anxiety from the nightmare starting to lose its grip on his mind and it left him feeling almost sedate. Slowly, he came to the realization that Clayton must keep the tea for his own nightmares. It explained why the man had left.

“…Thank you.” Loki spoke quietly and looked down at his cup. He only received a soft grunt as a reply. “Do…You know anything about what happened?”

“I saw it all in your head as I was coming downstairs.”

This made Loki unconsciously flinch at the mere idea of someone being in his head, especially after The Other had finished with him. “I’m…Sorry you had to see that.”

Clayton gave a one shouldered shrug while he took a sip. When he lowered the cup, he glanced over at Loki. “I’ve seen worse.”

Loki ran his thumb over a bump on the mug, an imperfection in how it’d been crafted. “You’re the only person that slightly knows. I never told Thor about what my Father did and said. I’m not exactly sure what would have happened. I…Just…Thor was always going to be king, not me. Father always twisted things and…” Loki shut up, realizing where his line of thinking had started to go.

“Makes sense.” Clayton sipped on his tea again. He’d picked up on just more than the dream, he’d picked up on the emotions that went with it. While he had enough skill with his telepathy not to allow the emotions to bother him, it still hit too close to some of the emotions he sometimes felt.

Despite how the tea had relaxed him, Loki tensed up as he realized that Clayton likely picked up on how his Father had known just how to push him into a downward spiral of suicidalism. Then the comment of ‘seeing worse’ made him wonder. What could possibly be worse? “You…Mentioned having seen worse. What ha–“

“I’m not gonna go into that…Not with how you’re feeling.”

Loki opened his mouth to argue contrary, but instead gave a massive yawn and felt surprised at how sleepy he suddenly felt. His limbs were heavy and the idea of simply curling up on the floor to sleep sounded surprisingly appealing.

“You should go back to sleep. You’ll knock out pretty quickly.” Clayton slowly pushed himself up to his feet, feeling the effects of the tea starting to creep in, as well.

The suggestion caused Loki to shake his head. “No, it’s easier to stay up because once I start having nightmares, they’ll just keep coming.” The brief memory of when Thor and him were children bubbled up. Thor often stayed up with him when he couldn’t sleep. Many times, Frigga had found them both in bed, asleep. “I’m…Relaxed and I don’t want them to change that.”

“Nah, they won’t come back.” Clayton gestured at his tea. “Shit’ll knock you right the fuck out.”

Loki eyed the hand Clayton offered him, but finally took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. After handing the cup back, he laid down in the hammock and listened to the sound of the other man leaving. Maybe closing his eyes wouldn’t hurt.

When he opened his eyes again, he felt somewhat groggy but also startled when he saw the morning light through the window. Then, he quirked a slight smile. Apparently, Clayton had been right about the tea.


	14. Nighttime Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sweet Dreams (Are Made This)" - Marilyn Manson cover

A few days had passed after the nightmare incident and with how defensive Loki had been, the last thing Clayton expected was for the man to knock on his door. Since he’d been preparing to go to bed, he didn’t bother to pull on a shirt since he figured it’d be some quick question. When he opened the door, he immediately felt Loki’s eyes drop down his torso.

Rather than allow Clayton to speak first, Loki pointed at a scar on the other man’s abdomen. “How’d you get that?”

Clayton ignored the question since it delved into matters he’d rather not discuss. “What do you want?”

Between the annoyance in his voice and the sudden lash of his tail, Loki immediately knew he’d asked about something sensitive. He dropped the question and hesitated a second before he spoke. “I was curious on if you had more of that tea.”

Initially, he’d hoped to strike up some sort of conversation, but his initial question had clearly put a stop to the idea. When Clayton nodded, Loki forced a slight smile; the twisting anxiety that usually preluded nightmares put a damper on his acting skills. “If you wouldn’t mind, could you show me how you prepared it? Not all teas can be prepared the same.”

“Yeah, sure.” Clayton closed the door to both pull on a shirt and to fetch the container of tea leaves. After he’d stepped out of the apartment, he followed Loki downstairs to his apartment, then walked to the small kitchen area. “It’s not too complex. Just want to seep the leaves till the water turns red. Don’t want it too dark because it’ll knock you on your ass.”

“Personal experience?” Loki quirked a slight smile, a genuine one.

“Oh yeah. First time I tried this, I just let the leaves sit in the water…Which is how I always have my tea. I slept all night and most of the day. Took me a bit to figure out how to make it.” Clayton poked at the small bag in the water.

“Yes, I woke up groggy the next morning, but…You were right.”

Clayton pulled the bag out of the water and made a slight face. “Probably means it was a little bit too strong for you, then.”

“I didn’t mind.” Loki took the offered mug and peered at it curiously. “No sugar?”

“Nah. It’s sweet on its own. Sugar makes it too strong.” Clayton pressed the lid down on the tin and started for the door.

“Would you mind staying?” Loki quickly thought up an excuse at Clayton’s confused expression. “The tea acted fairly quickly and I was about asleep by the time I got into the hammock. I simply don’t want to stumble into something on my way to bed.”

Clayton considered the reason for a moment, but nodded. “I was about to go to bed, but that makes sense.”

“How did you find this blend of tea, anyway?”

“It’s an import from Rinley.” Clayton settled in a chair. “There’s a company that basically works as a distributor and has a five or six story building that’s just all sorts of different types of teas. I discovered it when I stopped to get food while Xena refueled. Wasn’t really looking to buy anything, but I found a few things that reminded me of Earth.”

Loki made a soft noise of acknowledgement as he sipped on the tea. “Well, it’s certainly good tea.”

“I like how fast it kicks in.”

“Yes, it acts quickly, doesn’t it? I think I’d finished half of the cup and I was ready to go back to bed.” Loki examined the blue coloration of the cup. “I’ll need to visit Rinley, at some point.”

“It’s a nice place. You travel a lot?”

“I used to. Usually because I got tired of being at home.” Loki opted to skip over the full reasoning, namely, his father. “I’ve gotten myself into trouble more than a few times.”

“Yeah? I’ve gotten myself into more than a few bar fights.” Clayton laughed. “No one ever expects the tail. There was this one time in New York City where I went bar hopping with some buddies. This was before the whole…Change thing. But we were all back stateside for a short while as a break from being on tour. Well, these four college kids thought they could start some shit. This one kid was bouncing all over the place like you see in the movies. He decided that he’d try and pick on Eddy.”

Clayton looked down and shook his head with a grin. “Eddy was from Idaho and liked to speak like he was stupid when he got into bar fights. Fucker was smart and I’m convinced he shoulda been an engineer instead of hanging around with the rest of us dumb fuck grunts. So, while the college kid was doing his fancy footwork, Eddy just reared back his arm and coldcocked the dumb shit. Kid was _out_. We got kicked out of the bar, but…Shit, that was hilarious.”

Sleepily, Loki listened to Clayton’s story and gave a slight smile at the ending. “He likely deserved it.”

“Oh yeah. His friends went and ran off, I think. Just left him there. I’ve actually been to New York City a few times. Lived there for a few months after I changed.”

“I’ve been to New York City a few times.” Loki commented, drowsily.

“Yeah? What’d you think of it?”

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly clamped it shut when he realized what he’d said. Memories of him leading the Chitauri invasion surged up and he came to the uncomfortable realization that Clayton had started staring at him. He looked down and thumbed the bottom of the mug.

The faint whispering of memories being projected caught Clayton’s attention and he side eyed Loki a bit when he started realizing what the memories were of. “…Loki? When did you go to New York City?”

He shook his head, knowing Clayton had likely picked up on the memories, from how his behavior had suddenly shifted. “I don’t know the date. It was few years ago.”

“Why?”

Uncharacteristically, Loki tried to curl away. He didn’t know if what had happened would affect the thin bit of trust that’d developed, but more importantly, he didn’t want to talk about what had happened to him. His actions did nothing to stop more memories from trying to claw their way up.

“Loki. Tell me.”

“You saw my nightmare where I fell off the bridge. It actually happened. I…” Loki sighed and closed his eyes. “I landed in Sanctuary, where Thanos ruled. He needed someone to seek out one of the Infinity Stones on Earth. His underling, The Other, was very…Insistent and…Persuaded me to lead the army.”

While Loki’s words told one story, the memories Clayton saw told another. Loki had always been mildly telepathic, completely untrained and only good to make mild suggestions. The Other exploited this ability and used it to rake white hot claws of agony through his brain without leaving a mark.

_Loki screamed again, the sound barely resembled anything human after hours at the hands of The Other. Despite how it felt like his body had been torn apart, he knew no blood had been spilled. Yet his nerves sung in pain. His next scream ended with words, “I’ll do anything you want, just **stop**!”_

Once he’d agreed, The Other taught him enough telepathic skill to do what they wanted, shoved the scepter in his hand, and booted him off to Earth. Loki had figured that no matter the outcome, he’d win: either he’d be killed or he’d have his own world to rule over. After what Thanos had done, the first option seemed the most appealing.

While Clayton happened to have a lot more experience with his own telepathy, he still didn’t have the skill many others did. He felt himself being drawn down into the mental turmoil and he jerked himself back, hauling them both to reality.

Loki made a soft noise of pain and touched the back of his head at the sudden stabbing sensation that faded as quickly as it came. Across from him, Clayton sat wide eyed and breathing hard. Rather than saying anything, Loki hunched his shoulders up and looked down at the mug of tea.

Clayton didn’t exactly know what to think. On one hand, Loki had led an invasion force that resulted in the deaths of thousands, but on the other, he’d been tortured into it. Clayton quietly snorted. He’d be a hypocrite if he tried to judge the other man. At last count, he had a few thousand deaths under his belt from his bounty hunting days when he killed people, innocent or not, for money. It also ignored the lives ended to bring the Orussid into existence…And also his time in the military.

Finally, he sighed, knowing Loki sat in anticipation of his words. “I’m…” Clayton paused, not quite sure how to word things. “I’m not going to preach to you about what you’ve done, because God knows I’m no saint…But I’m not going to tell you it’s alright. Still, I understand why you did it. You just wanted it to stop and I can’t blame you for that.”

Loki downed the rest of the tea in a few gulps. “Maybe, but I could have withstood the to–“

“Ever heard the phrase ‘hindsight is always 20/20’?”

He furrowed his brows and considered the phrase for a moment before he looked to Clayton then shook his head. “No, I haven’t.”

“It means that when you’re in a situation, you can’t always see all the options, but when you look back later down the road, you can see all the options you actually had.” Clayton shrugged. “There’s nothing you can do about it, now. You just have to deal with the aftermath.”

Loki looked back down at the mug in his hands. While he knew Clayton spoke the truth, ‘dealing with the aftermath’, was a monumental task. While his Father had been alive, his goal had always been to prove his worth to him, which eventually turned to the idea of killing him. Now that the man had died, he didn’t really know what to do. Sure, setting up the trade routes and treaty had been a nice short-term goal, but Loki often thought about the long term. What would he do once everything had finished and gotten finalized?

“I can’t answer that for you.”

He couldn’t help but give Clayton a bit of a glare for still being in his head. The other man held up his hands slightly. “Sorry. You’re kind of broadcasting everything right now. I can’t help it.”

Finally, Loki sighed and set the mug on the small table next to the chair he’d sat down in, then rubbed his face. He suddenly felt drained and groggy. “I think it finally kicked in.” He didn’t really know if Clayton understood him or not since his tongue felt thick in his mouth. “Time for bed, I think.”

“Yeah, you look like you’re about to fall over.” Clayton got up and helped Loki up to his feet, then balanced him as they walked into the bedroom. “Jesus, you’re swaying like you’re drunk. I really think the stuff’s too strong for you.”

Loki flopped into the hammock and stared at the ceiling; he found it hard to focus on the wood grain patterns. His eyes kept drifting and he honestly felt drunk. When he turned his head, Clayton had already left. Instead, he focused on the window till he finally fell asleep.

Thankfully for Loki, nightmares weren’t all that common. They just tended to be fairly traumatic when he had them. While the tea helped out considerably, he didn’t want to rely on it and chose to employ it only if he felt the nightmare would be a bad one. Otherwise, he simply used the time proven method of distracting himself. The lookout point that Clayton had shown him worked well for this need and he started making trips up to it after dinner.

Sometimes, he found Clayton up there and they usually ended up talking about, of all things, trade business and the peace treaty. Embarrassingly enough, Loki often dozed off. During one instance, he fell off the rock he’d been sitting on, prompting Clayton to give him an amused look.

“Am I that boring that I put you to sleep?”

Loki pulled himself back onto the rock. “No, it’s simply relaxing here.”

“I’m pretty sure you just find me boring.” Clayton teased.

“Fine. I admit, you _are_ boring. All you do is work, and frankly, your damned ship has more of a personality.”

Clayton stared at Loki for a long minute, causing the Asgardian to wonder if he’d just royally messed up. Then, Clayton fucking _laughed_. He leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees and just laughed. “Oh my God. That was great!”

Loki sat there perplexed at how Clayton had found the insult funny, but on the other hand? He felt…Proud at causing the man to laugh so hard. “I’m serious. You should consider taking a day or two off. Maybe you’d finally gain some personality.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be wrong.” Clayton finally sat up and wiped a tear off his face. “Work has a way of sucking the life out of everything.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t if you didn’t throw everything you had into it. I am being very serious when I say you should take a day or two off. At the very least, sleep in.”

“I’ll think about it.” Clayton mostly just said it to placate Loki. He had no intention of taking days off or getting up later than normal: he had a routine and he didn’t want to change it. After a while longer, he looked back over to Loki when he heard a sound. The other man had fallen asleep again, but this time slumped against the tree. Clayton sighed and dropped the act of being ‘fine’.

He rubbed his face and then looked back towards the city. Honestly, he hadn’t intended for the lookout point to be Loki’s new camp out spot. Admittedly, Loki didn’t make for bad company, but sometimes he just wanted to be alone. The other man seemed to be the sort to thrive on attention and it made sense that he’d want to be around someone. Unfortunately, contrary to how Clayton tended to present himself, he was actually a bit of an introvert.

Clayton snorted softly at the irony. An introvert who’d managed to land himself as a king. Fancy that. A soft thump followed by Loki muttering told him that the man had likely fallen in such a way that it woke him up. “You should go to bed.”

“So should you.”

“Probably.” Clayton glanced over at Loki who stared at him expectantly. Finally, he sighed. “You’re worse than Xena. _You_ can actually follow me around and gripe at me till I go to bed.”

“I’m sure she’d approve.”

After making an exasperated noise, Clayton got up and started the short hike home. Unsurprisingly, he heard the sound of Loki following after him. Honestly, he wondered why the other man showed concern for him. It just seemed strange and he worried there was some ulterior motive at play. Then again, maybe he was simply overthinking things and trying to find potential danger where there wasn’t any.

He felt that he’d revealed a lot about himself to Loki, but hadn’t gotten much in return. Sure, he’d learned about the nightmares, instances of torture, and thoughts of suicide…But he knew little else about the man beyond him being royalty and Thor’s brother. It made him feel less inclined to talk about his personal matters.

Unfortunately, life had a way of going against what he wanted. After having one of his own nightmares, likely brought on by unwittingly picking up on Loki’s, he found himself pacing at the lookout point. Since it was late at night, he doubted that Loki would show up. As he paced, his tail twisted around behind him, betraying his anxiety.

“Clayton?” After he hadn’t gotten a response by knocking on Clayton’s door, Loki had decided to try the lookout point. He’d never seen Clayton pace and it caused a fair amount of concern. “What’s wrong?”

Clayton paused in his pacing and shook his head. “You don’t want to know.”

This prompted Loki to roll his eyes as he sat down on a rock. "Surprising as it may be to hear, I do actually care about what happens to you. As irritable as you can be, I find you to be fairly relatable."

“Just a nightmare…Nothing special.”

Loki sighed loudly. “You’ve seen mine…But it’s obviously bad enough to result in you being wound up.”

He looked down at his hands at the comment and loosely coiled his tail around his legs. "I did a stint in the military while I was on earth. During my time in it, they liked using drones to do air strikes against targets. Minimal risk to pilots and more precision, supposedly.” Clayton didn’t look back up and his voice quieted down. “Well, there was intel about some important members hiding out in this one house. The higher ups bombed it. My unit and I were sent in to confirm and…And the intel was wrong. It was a bunch of civilians hiding. Christ...The ones who weren't killed by the rubble. Loki, they were burned alive."

“That was what your nightmare was about?” Loki’s stomach churned a bit and he couldn’t imagine actually being there.

“Sort of? Sometimes it’s just what I saw, but other times it’s people I’ve known…Usually folks who’ve died or were killed.”

Just from the tightness in Clayton’s voice, Loki knew the topic required a very delicate touch. Decidedly, a less direct approach would be best, allow the other man the choice in answering questions. “If, you don’t mind me asking…” He kept his voice as neutral as he could. “Who’d you lose?”

Clayton sat down on his favorite rock and kept his tail drawn up close. “I think I mentioned Eddy to you? Uh, he was shot in the head. Kennedy, John, and Joseph were all killed by a roadside bomb. Mike lived, but he lost both his legs and ended up with a lot of nerve pain. He ended up overdosing…Vicodin, I think it was.” As he spoke, he counted on his fingers. “Jerimiah came home alright…But not really. Ended up blowing his brains out in his bathtub. Zack just went hiking one day and they didn’t find his body for a few months. They ruled the cause of death as exposure but…Pretty sure he killed himself, too. He had a lot of problems.”

Loki sat there, stunned at the number of deaths…More importantly the sheer number of suicides. Didn’t Midgardian military care for their soldiers? As much as he wanted to ask, he chose to stay silent and let Clayton continue speaking.

“It’s…Just been a lot of people. Sometimes it feels like I’m cursed since most of the people I know or get close to either die or they turn out to be massive fuckasses.” He finally sighed and gave Loki a tight smile. “Enough about my crap.”

“It’s better to talk about it than to keep letting it fester.” He knew the statement was incredibly hypocritical, considering his own habits…But Loki had never been one to follow his own advice.

"That's the thing. If I start talking, I'm not going to shut up. I've seen and experienced so much crap that…It's not something that I should burden anyone with." If he stopped talking and switched to a different subject, Clayton knew that he could dam everything back up. Yet, he didn’t really want to stop. Loki had been correct: everything had festered and turned into a nasty mess. He silently begged the other man to keep prodding for more information.

Loki carefully treaded and hoped that he wouldn’t prod Clayton into closing up again. He’d gotten the man to open up, but he’d begun to see why the other remained so closed off. "Letting it break you isn't any better. And if you think I've been protected from war, you're mistaken. I don't know it the way you do, but I do know it will be taken out on someone, even if that someone is yourself. No one man can carry an entire war by himself."

"It's not just war."

"I still want to hear, Clayton." Loki sighed softly. “You saw what Thanos did to me…Or a part of it. The least I can do is listen.”

Clayton looked down at his hands and felt the dam he’d painstakingly built up over the years crumble. “I mentioned the military stuff…When I got back home…I don’t know. It was too quiet. Felt like I should have been doing something. Antsy, I guess. Family didn’t really get it on why I didn’t want to talk about my tours…Didn’t help that I got discharged early. What was I supposed to say? Yeah, mom. Got to watch the back of my buddy’s head get blown out while we were having lunch. Fan-fucking-tastic time.”

He dug his fingers into his hair and ignored the slight bite of his claws. “I just couldn’t get settled back into civilian life. Tried the medicine that got shoved at me, but I felt like a zombie. Basically, just shelved it for when I had trouble sleeping. Almost OD’d and killed myself once, though. When I found out about Jerimiah. Sleep meds and whiskey…Not a good combination, but shit…He was one of my best friends. Fucked me up for a few weeks after I found out.”

Loki sat there, trying to make sense of Clayton’s jumbled story. It…Made him feel a stab of sadness mixed with bafflement on why nothing had been done to help Clayton when he returned. Asgard had always taken care of her warriors when they returned.

“Uh…Against my better judgement, I got into a relationship. Mason. Nice guy, tried to explain to him about the sex thing…Being ace, it’s called. He was fine with it at first. Realized it wasn’t for him and we broke up. Stayed friends, though.” Clayton leaned over and rested his arms on his thighs. “Did the whole changing bullshit. Bounced around the States for a while. Then the telepathy bullshit popped up. You have no idea what it’s like to just suddenly hear…Thousands of voices all at once. Christ. It about drove me insane. Nearly threw myself in front of a bus just so it’d stop.”

“…But you didn’t.” Loki spoke, softly.

“Well, no shit. I’m still here, ain’t I?” Clayton’s tail slowly wrapped around him. “Then I basically got abducted. Some fucker named ‘The Collector’ thought my freak ass would make a nice addition to his…Well…Collection. Didn’t happen and I kinda fucked off into space. Was pretty neat. Then, being the intelligent dumbass that I am, decided ‘hey, time to give the whole relationship thing another go’. I still have no idea what I saw in Quinten.”

“Quinten?”

“He was another bounty hunter. Got pissy that I didn’t want to fuck him and thought I was playing hard to get. Maybe in his culture I was actually showing interest, or maybe he was just a fucking asshole. Either way…Broke the fuck’s arm. Probably shoulda killed him.” He stared at the ground in front of him. “Kieran was next. Another bounty hunter. Figured the last relationship was shit ‘cause of Quinten. It just ended ‘cause I found Kieran being fucked by someone when I came back from a hunt. Not much to say on that one.”

The string of failed relationship all seemed to have a theme, but Loki worriedly watched Clayton steadily curl up into himself as he continued. As if he were building up to something truly bad. “Were there more?”

Clayton’s breath hitched in his throat. It’d been three years and the bitch still had her fingers dug into his mind. Despite having killed her, the damage she’d done still remained. “Yeah. Just one. Gisselle.” He hated how he stumbled over her name. “Started out decent but…Uh…Didn’t end so well. Was a bit of a mess after that one. Ended up getting Xena two weeks or so later. Pretty sure she’s the reason I’m even alive.”

He stared at Clayton as the man’s tail finished wrapping around him in a pseudo-hug. The way he’d stumbled over the name drew Loki’s attention the most. It had almost sounded like fear. Clayton hadn’t told the full story, and Loki wondered what had happened. Slowly, he slipped off the rock and stood next to the other man before hesitantly reaching over to pull him into a one-armed hug. He froze, however, when Clayton flinched away at the touch. He spoke softly, “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“So did everyone else.”


	15. An Unexpected Detour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Unlikely [Stay With Me]" - Celldweller

Clayton chose to avoid Loki for the next few days after more or less baring a number of old wounds to the man. He needed to recenter and mentally patch himself back up. Honestly, he felt a bit bad about just dumping on the guy since Loki had a number of issues of his own, but Clayton had spent years keeping everything bottled up. He couldn’t say he felt better, either. Instead, he just felt… Emotionally drained. Still, he couldn’t avoid Loki forever…Especially when another shipment from New Asgard sat on the horizon.  So, rather reluctantly, he set up a meeting after lunch to discuss things.

Unfortunately, shortly after Loki joined him, Clayton realized he’d forgotten his tablet in his room. “I’m going to have to run upstairs real quick to get my tablet.” He couldn’t help but roll his eyes when Loki trailed after him. “You don’t need to follow me.”

“I know.”

Clayton just made an exasperated noise and went into his apartment, then to the bedroom where the tablet still sat on the nightstand. When he returned, he glared slightly at Loki standing in the middle of his living room. “What are you doing?”

Curiously, Loki looked around the living space. Unlike the quarters on Xena, the living room looked a lot more lived in. The coffee table had a few dirty dishes, one of the chairs had a jacket tossed over the arm, but the oddest thing happened to be the two bowls in the corner. Still, it seemed to be a nice living area, especially with the faint breeze coming from the bedroom which suggested the forcefield on the window had been turned off. “I was curious about what your apartment looked like.”

“Well, now you know.” Clayton made a slightly uncomfortable noise. He didn’t exactly mind visitors to his apartment, just not when it needed to be cleaned. On the other hand, since he only saw the Orussid, he didn’t often have cleanliness on the forefront of his mind. Honestly, Loki happened to be the first non-Orussid to visit the apartment and Clayton had to restrain himself from trying to tidy up the place. “Wasn’t expecting you to barge in so…It’s a bit of a mess.”

“It’s fine. It’s less…Sterile than your quarters on Xena. It actually looks like a home rather than a show room.” He paused at a low grunting noise from behind Clayton. A moment later a short, squat creature waddled out of the bedroom. While lizardlike, it had two tusks jutting out of its lower jaw and a membrane that connected its front and hind limbs. Unafraid, it waddled over to Loki, sniffed his boot, and tried to gnaw on it. “…This is slightly less fine.”

Clayton just sighed and grabbed a piece of fruit off the counter. Then, he simultaneously dragged the creature away, poked its nose, and in a vaguely disappointed voice, “No.” He shooed it over to the food bowl and dropped the piece of fruit in. There, the beast made content grunts as it ate. “…Sorry. Fox isn’t the brightest of things.”

Loki blinked a few times in surprise. The notion of Clayton having a pet hadn’t been one that he’d ever entertained. “You have a pet?”

“He’s more like the village idiot who decided to move in. I found him as a hatchling. Figured I’d raise him till he was old enough to be on his own. He decided that he liked the free food and stuck around.” Clayton looked down as the creature waddled in front of him. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around Fox’s chest, then lifted the beast up enough to kiss his forehead. “Who’s my dumb derp?”

Honestly, Clayton’s behavior towards Fox caught Loki completely off guard. He never really expected the man to show affection towards…Well, anything. “How long have you had him?” While curious, Loki eyed Fox with some wariness. The tusks looked dangerous and the claws weren’t exactly small, either. His wariness got worse when the creature clambered onto the couch, waddled over to him, and stood up on its hinds to start lightly digging at his pants. Though the claws felt relatively dull, a concerned expression formed on his face. “Erm.”

“About a year now. He’s honestly harmless and just looks scarier than what he really is. About the only thing he’s dangerous to is fruit. So, unless you’re planning on randomly changing into a banana or something in the near future? You’ll be fine.” Clayton leaned over and bent one of the tusks nearly in half. “They’re just for show. Honestly, if you roll him over onto his stomach and give him a belly rub, he’ll probably pass out. I won’t rule him out being nippy though.”

Loki reached over to roll Fox over, but hesitated at the statement of the creature being ‘nippy’. “That’s not reassuring.”

“Eh…He’s kinda moody ‘cause he’s gonna lay eggs soon.” Clayton gently rolled Fox over. “He only starts digging if he wants his stomach rubbed. Guess he’s uncomfortable.”

“I’m somewhat confused.” Loki hesitated a moment before he started rubbing Fox’s stomach. Sure enough, he felt several firm bumps in the creature’s lower stomach. Fox made content grunting noises and squirmed to get more comfortable.

“Oh. The whole, calling Fox ‘him’ even though he’s gonna lay eggs?”

Loki nodded, but kept his attention on the creature in question. “Either I’m missing something, or you simply don’t care.”

“The whole species is hermaphroditic. Pretty much, whoever gets nailed ends up shitting out the eggs…I think. Never really dug into the biology.” Clayton shrugged. “He does it every few months…And it gets kinda annoying, honestly.”

“How so?”

“He turns into a lardass, steals my favorite shirts, makes a nest, shits out his eggs, goes broody, tries to bite me the entire time, gets bored when they don’t hatch, and then I end up throwing out rotten eggs.” He poked Fox in the hip. “If he wasn’t so damned adorable, I wouldn’t put up with it.”

“You don’t seem to be the type to call anything ‘adorable’.” Loki commented with a slight tease before he looked down to Fox who made content grunty purrs.

“Hey. I like animals, dammit. Besides, I couldn’t leave the goof…Especially when he started following after me. I was kinda ‘welp. He adopted me’.”

“I suppose you would, given the number of animals at your mother’s.” Loki took a seat on the couch next to Fox who rolled over with some difficulty, then all but flopped into his lap.

Clayton couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He’d wanted to deal with the trade stuff, but apparently, Loki wanted to fuss with Fox and talk about completely unrelated matters. “Yeah, my parents raised cattle and chickens when I was a kid. The cows were supposed to be for meat, but both my parents ended up being bleeding hearts. So, most of the things ended up as pets unless one of ‘em was bad tempered. Even then, they usually just got sold instead of going in the freezer.”

“I didn’t have pets. I suppose there was the horse, but we were taught not to get attached since they were seen as tools of war.” Loki quirked a slight smile. “Although, there was one I formed a… _Special_ relationship with.”

Clayton absolutely didn’t get what Loki insinuated and his thoughts were on something a great deal more innocent. “Yeah, for the most part, people on earth see horses as pets. They’ll do competitions and stuff on ‘em. I had one…Still technically do. Skipper. Went and did reining on him when I was a teen. He’s basically retired now…Old guy deserves it.”

“Reining?”

“Uh…” Clayton thought about how best to dumb it down. “It’s basically having the horse do a bunch of different movements to showcase its skill while the rider basically just sits there looking like they’re not doing anything.”

“But I assume the rider’s commands are simply very subtle?”

“Bingo.” Clayton poked Fox’s rump and rolled his eyes when the creature just snored. “Well, you’re not getting up for a bit.”

“I don’t mind.” Loki gently scratched behind, what he assumed was, Fox’s ear. “It’s refreshing to talk about something minimally traumatic.”

“Christ, yeah. We’ve…Been doing a lot of that lately.” Clayton sighed. “Yeah…Once I got into the military, everything kind of tanked…”

“Let’s try to ignore such unpleasant topics, today. Tell me about your childhood. You speak fondly of it.”

“I mean…There’s not much to talk about besides me being a little shit most of the time.” He shrugged, but caught the curious expression on Loki’s face. “I had two friends. Nate and Randy. There’s a book series on earth…’The Three Musketeers’. Basically, a trio of friends that are do-gooders. Us? We were ‘The Three Idiots’.”

“I assume dangerous adventures were involved?” Loki tilted his head slightly.

“Not really? More…Stupid. Like…Shit that could have gotten us killed. Randy was the one who did most of that. One time, it’d rained pretty hard and the local creek was really full. There was this bridge that had round tunnels under it for the water to go through. Well, Randy thought it’d be a good idea to jump into the water where one of the tunnels were at. Sent him shooting out the other side. Guess we were all about 14 at the time, but damn it was stupid. Looking back, he could have easily gotten himself killed…But we thought it was hilarious at the time.”

Loki looked down and smiled at a fond memory. “I often pulled pranks on Thor when we were children. Once, we went hunting for a stag because Thor wished for its hide to impress a girl who’d caught his eye. I convinced him that if he snuck up on it and started singing, that it’d be enraptured by his voice.”

“I’m guessing that didn’t go so well.”

“Of course not. It kicked him in the thigh, nearly close enough to hit him in the groin.” Loki make a slightly perplexed expression and shrugged a bit. “He didn’t appreciate my help. I’m not entirely sure why…”

Clayton snickered, “I did something like that to Randy. Hang on. Nate took a video of it. I think I still have it on my YouTube.”

Curiously, Loki leaned forward and watched Clayton bring something up on the tablet. It seemed to have numerous videos and he saw quite a few titles that made him curious. ‘2005 Reining Nationals’, ‘Christmas 2002’, ‘Georgia Clint Eastwood’. Finally, Clayton picked one called ‘Dumbass Duck Hunting’ and handed it over once it’d started playing.

A teen stood with the butt of his rifle against the front of his lower stomach and crouched closer to the camera was a late teens Clayton. He held a finger to his lips and gave a massive, shit eating grin before he leaned over to pulled the trigger on his friend’s rifle. The recoil caused the butt of the rifle to slam into the other teen’s crotch. Clayton cackled and looked down at his friend who had grabbed himself in pain. “Well, you were bitching that you forgot your nut cracker for your pecans, so I figured I’d help.”

Amused, Loki handed the tablet back. “He didn’t seem too appreciative of your help.”

“Nah. But he _did_ stop holding the butt of his rifle over his balls, so I figure that I helped him out a bit.” He looked down at the tablet and started flipping through the videos. “Not sure if I have anymore videos like that. The rest of these are just showcasing my teenage stupidity and I think I’ll cringe into the next galaxy if I watch any.”

Loki made an amused noise. “Have you ever laid awake at night and are suddenly reminded of something incredibly idiotic you did some time back?”

“Oh my God, yes. And it’s always this stupid little thing that has no impact on you now, but it still makes you want to curl up in embarrassment. I’m pretty sure everyone does that, man.”

“Funny how some things simply transcend worlds.” Lok looked back down at Fox who had decided to bury his face into the crook of his arm. The tusk-growths, while actually soft and flexible, still poked into his ribs uncomfortably. “If…You don’t mind me asking, what happened to your two friends?”

“Randy ended up getting himself killed, for one.”

“I’m sorry, if you don’t want to ta–“

“Nah. It’s fine. Happened like…13 years ago. Always expected it to happen, honestly. His parents weren’t really the greatest and his dad was an abusive drunk. So, Randy ended up picking up drinking at a pretty young age...Pretty sure his mom drank while she was pregnant with him, too. He wasn’t entirely all there in the head, but he was a fun guy to be around…So it didn’t really matter to me and Nate.” Clayton gave a slight shrug. “I think half the dumb shit he did was because he wanted to be seen as the ‘cool kid’ and that included the drinking.”

“What happened to him?” Loki carefully stepped his way through the subject, but noted Clayton didn’t seem to be overly bothered by the topic.

“When we graduated from highschool, we all went up to this one place by the lake and went drinking to celebrate. He decided to head home while the rest of us stayed at the lake. Decided to try and beat the train.” Clayton snorted quietly. “His car was just mangled and basically just a heap of scrap metal. Since the train was coming from the driver’s side, pretty sure he died on impact. But…It sort of shaped what Nate and I would end up doing.”

“How so?”

“Nate and I sort of blamed ourselves and each other for his death. Maybe we could have tried harder to convince him to stay at the lake instead of driving home…But deep down, we kinda knew that one day, his antics would catch up with him. He survived thanks to a lot of dumb luck, and we figured that eventually, his luck would run out. Nate ended up going into law enforcement. Last I heard he made deputy sheriff in Manning. I barely passed highschool ‘cause I was one of a few idiots in my class and my grades weren’t anywhere near what they needed to be for college…So I went into the military.”

Loki quietly churned over this information for a moment. “It’s sad his selfishness ended up causing you so much pain.”

“Nah. Randy had problems and…I don’t know. Maybe he did me a favor. Alright, yeah, I walked away from the military with a shitton of issues but…I don’t exactly regret it. I made friends and got to see other parts of the world.” Clayton tilted his head back to rest it on the back of the couch. “It also ended up giving me to skills to survive off-world. The whole changing thing was gonna happen regardless. Being in the military just gave me a leg up on things.”

“That’s a surprisingly positive outlook considering the number of times you considered suicide.” Loki hated how the conversation had started to drift to darker topics, but at the same time, Clayton didn’t seem to be bothered.

“Remember me saying ‘hindsight is 20/20’?”

“I do.”

“It sort of applies. I couldn’t see all my options or maybe I was in too deep of a hole at the time to see the rope to pull myself out. I’m a survivor…It’s what I do.” Clayton hated how the statement applied to so many different things in his life, including things he hadn’t touched on with Loki. Honestly, he didn’t know if he would due to the sheer trauma and how they still affected him to this day.

“Sometimes, surviving is all one can do while hoping the situation improves.” Loki mused, quietly.

Fox made a soft noise as he stretched before he yawned. When he shut his mouth, he made a sound very similar to someone passing a copious amount of gas…Effectively bringing a quick end to the dark conversation. Clayton turned his head and promptly snort-laughed.

Loki, meanwhile, gave the creature an amused but disapproving look before he gently poked Fox’s head. “That was very impolite.”

“Yeeeaaaah...I might have taught him that. He made it a lot as a baby when he was hungry and I thought it was hilarious. So, I’d give him treats for it.” Clayton reached over and dragged Fox into his lap. After a moment of squirming, the beast sat up on his hind legs with his back resting against Clayton’s chest so the man could wrap his arms around his chest in a bit of a hug. “I kinda miss him being smaller ‘cause he could just cling to my back when I was doing stuff.”

“I somehow find that unsurprising.” Loki remarked, drily. After all, Clayton could be incredibly crude at times.

“Yeah, yeah. All stiff upper lip prince. I forgot about that.” Clayton scratched under Fox’s chin. “So, what do you do when you’re not being all prime and proper?”

“Prior to Asgard’s destruction, I often left the realm to visit other palces in order to find others who’d allow me to share their bed.”

“…So, basically, you just wandered around trying to find someone to fuck.”

“Or someones. I’m not opposed to the occasional group sex.”

“…Right. Well, you do you.”

Loki simply gave Clayton a look that said ‘I would if I could’. The Orussid King rolled his eyes and quickly shifted onto a different topic.

“So, I guess we better start talking about the trade stuff, then.”

“Perhaps. I’m not exactly sure if there’s really much to talk about, however. Neither of our worlds are really capable of trading very much at the moment. Though, the skins are greatly helping out.” Loki mused for a moment and decided to ask the one question that’d been bugging him for some time. “Do you have any experience with the sort of politics inherent in ruling a kingdom?”

Fox finally squirmed out of Clayton’s arms, slipped off the couch, and slowly waddled his way back into the bedroom. Clayton absently smoothed at his shirt in an effort to give himself a few moments to think. He sighed and shook his head. “No, I don’t. It’s not really something that’s taught since America is led by someone who gets elected by the people. We haven’t been led by a monarchy in a little over 200 years.”

This prompted Loki to furrow his brows in confusion. “Surely, you’d be taught politics, just so you’d understand the inner workings of your country?”

“You’d think so.” Clayton laughed. “But no. Learning how the country works wasn’t part of school. Not too surprising since all the funding went towards sports. So…I’m sorta just playing all this by ear and learning as I go.”

“And the Orussid having minimal experience with politics doesn’t help you.”

“Yup. I mean…I think I’m doing pretty well. Nothing’s spontaneously caught on fire or exploded.” Clayton leaned forward to put the tablet on the coffee table.

“Ruling a kingdom requires a bit more finesse than simply keeping things running smoothly. There’s relations with other worlds to take into consideration. You can’t run everything on your own…You need to have advisors.”

“I know, I know. I’m just being a smartass.” Then, Clayton shrugged. “Probably, but the Orussid aren’t the best choice. So, for the meantime, it’s just going to be me.”

Loki hesitated, despite seeing a prime opportunity in front of him. While he’d cultivated a nice amount of trust in his eyes, he didn’t know if Clayton would agree. Finally, he turned slightly so he faced the other man a bit more. “I could step into the role, if you’re interested. I know it’s a bit unorthodox, but New Asgard owes a lot to you due to your role in the battle against Thanos.”

The Orussid made all sorts of concerned noises in the back of his mind, and even Clayton felt wary at the offer. “But your role here was supposed to be as a delegate, not an advisor.”

“Yes, I’m aware, but…You can’t run things all on your own. And…I fell into a bit of disfavor with the Asgardian people after the events of New York City. They tolerate me due to how I helped them escape Asgard’s destruction, but…”

Clayton sighed, “But you’re not exactly warmly welcomed.”

“Correct. Besides, I’ve come to enjoy life here on New Elysium. It’s nothing like Asgard, but I enjoy it nonetheless. Regardless of if you agree or not, the fact remains: you need an advisor who has political experience. You’re doing well on your own, yes, but as you step further out into the murky pool of galactic politics, your method of ‘playing it by ear’ and ‘learn as you go’, won’t work.”

He hated how correct Loki’s words were. As decent as things were going, it wouldn’t last forever. Sooner or later, he’d cock up something seriously important. Still, he didn’t want to just jump on the offer immediately. The Orussid didn’t like the idea, simply because of Loki’s actions nearly three months ago and he couldn’t argue against them. On the other hand, he also couldn’t deny Loki’s finesse at navigating political dealings. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.”


	16. Can't Hurt Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fear Not This Night" - Maclaine Diemer
> 
> "Oh dammit. The lid to the feels bottle fell off."  
> "Dear sweet Jesus, what'd you do this time?"

Loki’s offer still hung in the back of Clayton’s mind and he honestly didn’t know if it’d be wise to accept. On one hand, he knew damn well his inexperience with politics would eventually bite him in the ass…But on the other, his trust in the man rapidly waned. He’d told Loki so much about himself, but had still only gotten minimal information in return. Getting him to talk about himself had to be one of the most frustrating things currently on Clayton’s plate.

It sent up massive red flags and made him worry about the other man using the information against him in some fashion. The Asgardian had already proven to be skilled at misinformation and misdirection, which made Clayton wonder if he hadn’t already been exploited. Of course, he also knew he had trust issues several miles wide and likely read too much into it, but the worry remained.

A few days after the shipment from New Asgard had come and gone, Clayton woke up feeling ungodly cranky and the sight of his inhuman parts being a dark grey greeted him. Honestly, the idea of shedding with Loki around didn’t appeal to him. Sighing, he grabbed his tablet and sent a message to Xena.

_Get your systems out of standby. It’s that time of year._

_Why aren’t you shedding in your apartment as you usually do?_

_Because Loki._

_Understood. Do you want to stay grounded or enter orbit?_

_Orbit. I’m just going to make some excuse. I’ll head over after breakfast._

_Acknowledged._

Still feeling cranky, Clayton dragged himself out of bed and headed downstairs to eat. The idea of Loki’s potential questioning about his coloration change weren’t something he wanted to deal with first thing in the morning. Still, he didn’t really have much of a choice. If he were lucky, Loki would sleep in and he could slip off for the few days he’d need.

Loki meandered down from his apartment and into the commons area, keen on the notion of asking Clayton about the advisor proposal. Instead, he honed in on how the man almost looked ill. The inhuman half of him, while usually a matte black had lightened to a dull, dark grey. Somehow, the human half looked even worse. Sure, Clayton normally tended to be a bit on the pale side simple due to being a redhead. Now, he looked like death would claim him at any moment. “Are you alright? You look ill.”

“I’m fine. Just the weather change.” Clayton blatantly lied and sat down to pick at his food.

The lie hadn’t been a good one and Loki immediately picked up on it. “That was a fairly bad lie. You’re sick.”

“I’m not sick.” Came the grumpy reply. “Either way, I’ll be leaving for a few days. I have some stuff to deal with off world.”

“Are you sure you should be leaving when you look so bad?”

“I’m fucking fine.” Clayton snapped. Being pre-shed had a way of making even the slightest thing monumentally irritating. He honestly couldn’t help it with how his skin felt tight and constrictive.

The sudden aggressiveness from Clayton caused Loki flinch slightly and clutch his fork tighter. He didn’t know what, exactly, but something was clearly wrong. Either way, it caused the beginnings of anxiety to creep into his chest. He chose not to pursue the questioning since it likely wouldn’t end well. Instead, he focused on his own food and sent the other man a wary look when he left. It worried him and his mind began churning over different scenarios. They ranged from the benign notion of Clayton simply being ill and not feeling well, to the concerning idea of Clayton growing bored of his presence. Unfortunately, it simply boiled down to a waiting game.

Once the shed had finished two days later, Clayton honestly felt bad about snapping at Loki. He hadn’t missed the subtle flinch the man had made when he snapped at him. Unfortunately, he didn’t really know how to explain the whole shedding thing, or if he even should. Sure, he’d brought up the initial molt when he mutated, but nothing beyond that. So, while his skin hardened, Clayton mused over what he should do.

“You’re pacing. Is something wrong?”

He looked up when Xena broke him out of his thoughts. “Not…Exactly? I told you how Loki and I will eat meals together in the common area, right? I snapped at him when he asked me what was wrong when I was pre-shed. I’m not sure if I should explain to him why I was snappy or not.” He sighed and snagged the cup of coffee from the machine. “I should apologize, I guess. But you know me. I’m not all that great with relationships of any kind.”

“Well, maybe if you weren’t so thorny they’d work out better.”

“Did you just call me a prick?” He glanced up at the camera.

“You said it, not me.”

“That’s not really helpful, Xena. I don’t really know what to do.” He sat down at the table and lightly brushed a finger over a light grey spot on his arm where the skin still needed to harden.

“He’s going to be staying for the foreseeable future, correct?”

“Yeah, and he said he likes New Elysium.”

“Which means he’ll likely have to deal with you needing to shed again. In the scheme of things, it’d be best to explain to him about your shedding. You weren’t a fan of him arriving as a woman because you weren’t informed. Presently, you’re doing a similar thing to him by leaving him in the dark about it. Both your shedding and his gender fluidity are a part of your respective selves.”

“Yeah, but.” Clayton started.

Xena continued on, as if he hadn’t spoken at all. “Yes, I realize how you dislike telling others, but if you stress that you prefer being alone during the shed, I suspect he’ll understand.”

“Since you’re being so smart. What’s the best way to approach this, then?”

“He enjoys tea. Outside of water, it was the only thing I saw him drinking. In particular, he seemed to enjoy the orange spice tea. Three spoonfuls of sugar. Make him a cup, go to his apartment, give it to him as a peace offering, apologize for your behavior, and explain why you acted the way you did.”

Clayton sat there a moment and processed what he’d been told. “Xena, how the _fuck_ do you even come up with this shit when you’ve told me multiple times that you don’t ‘get’ human behavior?”

“That’s a loaded question and you know it.  I don’t ‘get’ the sensation of emotion, and some behavior baffles me, but I understand your behavior from the years we’ve traveled together. I’ve also been able to make educated guesses about his behavior. Combining those two factors with the numerous psychology books I’ve read, I’m able to make suggestions.”

“Well, it’s better than me doing nothing, I guess. Since you’re in the mood to give advice, Loki suggested me allowing him to be an advisor since I know fuck all about politics. I don’t really trust him, though. I mean…I barely know him. He’s told me some stuff and I’ve shared some stuff, but…I don’t know who he is.” He looked down and thumbed the handle of his mug. “But I feel like he knows more about me than I know about him.

“You two really _are_ similar.” Xena sounded part way amused and part way exasperated. “I suspect he’s as bad as you are about sharing personal information. But, for the moment, I’d argue in favor of the idea. He’s done well so far in terms of the agreements between New Asgard and New Elysium. I wouldn’t follow his advice completely, but use it to supplement your own decisions.”

“…Yeah, alright. Thanks, Xena. I’ll let you know how things work out.”

A day later, Clayton made his way down to Loki’s apartment. Honestly, he felt a bit dumb about taking Xena’s advice…But the AI had never purposely steered him wrong. He paused outside the door and raised his hand to knock when he felt the subtle sensation of _fear_.

Sighing, he knocked twice before he tapped in the code to unlock the door. He hadn’t been sure what would greet him. Loki pacing, maybe, stressed from a nightmare. He didn’t expect to see Loki sitting on the floor with a bloody hand and a small puddle of blood in front of him.

“Loki, what happened?” His initial thought had been a broken glass or something similar, but Loki’s look of being caught doing something caused Clayton to reconsider.

“It’s nothing.”

He sat the mug down on the coffee table before crouching down next to Loki. “Let me see.” He held out his hand and then quietly sighed when Loki initially refused. “Please?”

Loki finally held out his hand, “It’s nothing. I swear.”

Gently, Clayton pried open Loki’s fist. On his palm were numerous small scars along with two open wounds, the largest of them bled sluggishly. “How did this happen?” He’d never seen Loki with the injuries or the scars, for that matter. The man often wore fingerless gloves, which could hide them, if Clayton’s line of thinking happened to be correct. At the same time, he’d seen his hands without the gloves. “Loki, did you do this?”

Rather than answering, Loki glanced away and finally held up his other hand which had blood under the nails of his fingers. He finally tugged his injured hand out of Clayton’s then made an aborted move to touch the hand with his other. “I’d rather it if you left me alone.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing that.” Clayton leaned over and grabbed the cup of tea. “Here. Take this while I get a towel or something.”

Loki took the cup and quietly sipped on it as Clayton got up, then walked into the bedroom. A moment later, he returned with a hand towel and a first aid kit. Loki warily eyed the two items before his eyes flicked up to the other man’s face. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not going to let you sit here and bleed like this.” He took Loki’s hand again and lightly dabbed around the injuries with a damp part of the hand towel. However, the subtle shaking to the man’s hands caused him to pause. “I’m just going to get you patched up, that’s all.”

“You don’t need to.” Loki spoke quietly, “It’ll clot and scab over in a bit.”

“Maybe so, but it doesn’t need to get infected.” Satisfied with his work so far, Clayton dropped the hand towel on the small puddle of blood. Still holding Loki’s hand in his, he used his other hand to open up the kit and root around.

“It won’t. I’m Asgardian, we don’t get sick.” His eyes dropped to the hand towel as it stated soaking up the blood. “It’ll get stained.”

“And? It’s a towel. I can replace it if it does stain.” Clayton snorted. “God knows I have plenty of stained towels in my bathroom.”

Loki mutely nodded and took a sip of his tea, the flavor he liked when he’d been aboard Xena, he thought dimly. It also had just the right amount of sugar. He looked up when Clayton said his name.

“You’ve been doing this for a while.” Clayton started, carefully. “But I’ve seen you hands without the gloves on…”

“Illusions. They…Kept Thor from finding out.” Loki replied, simply. He flicked his fingers and his palm suddenly looked unharmed, the scars having vanished. Then, he flicked his fingers again, causing them to reappear.

“…Ah. Makes sense.” It didn’t, actually, and Clayton had no idea the man could do such a thing. However, his questions about the illusions could wait. Instead, he focused on wrapping Loki’s hand for the moment. “Why are you hurting yourself?”

Loki simply leaned forward to rest his forehead against Clayton’s shoulder. He remained silent for a moment before he finally spoke. “It distracts me. From the nightmares.”

Clayton quietly sighed as he finished wrapping the other man’s hand. He didn’t have any experience with this sort of thing and felt unsure of what he should do. “You know, you could just talk to me. I probably can’t give any advice, but I can listen.”

After a moment, Loki sat up straight and his thoughts turned to something Odin had told him a long time ago: nobody cares about what you’re going through. He looked up at Clayton, “Nobody cares about what a fuckup’s going through. You have your own issues, and you barely seem to handle those. I shouldn’t add to your problems by telling you about my own.”

Clayton gave a purely self-deprecating smile and finally released Loki’s hand, “Nobody’s perfect, and since I’m perfect, that makes me nobody. Yeah, I’ve got a million and one problems, but it seems to me that our issues are pretty damn different. Honestly, as long as I don’t go poking around in your head, I’m fine.”

Loki made an aborted move to touch his injured hand, but both the sensation of the bandage and movement out of the corner of his eye caused him to stop. “I…”

He abruptly shut up when Clayton’s tail gently swished into his lap. The tail had overlapping segments that allowed for both flexibility and armor. He hesitantly touched it, the skin felt cool to the touch and had a slight roughness to it. Dimly, he realized that he really couldn’t recall touching Clayton’s inhuman half in the past.

“Go on.”

He didn’t really know what to say or even how much to say. Loki ran his fingers over Clayton’s tail as he thought, the bumps and groves serving as a distraction from his hand. “My father…Odin. I’m the youngest child, Thor’s older than me, not by much.” He froze when his nail caught on a segment and caused it to lift slight. His eyes flicked to the other man’s face, worried he’d caused harm.

“It’s fine. You’re wanting to do something with your hands. I’m giving you something to do. I’ll let you know if something you do hurts, alright?”

Loki gave a faint nod. “Thor was always favored, he was to be king, and I just Thor’s brother. Asgardians live for thousands of years, and so I had no chance at the throne. By the time he passes, I likely won’t last much longer. Ignoring that, he’ll likely already have children so…” He fiddled with a particularly rough feeling segment and briefly wondered if the roughness had been caused by scarring. His thoughts were jumbled and he tried to speak as coherently as possible, but the words simply tumbled out. “My father only had an eye for Thor’s accomplishments. Mine were ignored or degraded. I preferred magic and books rather than pounding someone’s head in like my brother. Father didn’t approve of my intellectual pursuits.”

He sucked in a shaky breath, “No matter how I tried to appease him or gain his favor, I was met by insults. And by the Nine Realms, if I failed at something…” Loki looked away to focus on the mug of tea beside his knee. “He never drew issue with pointing out each flaw of mine, and some I never knew existed. I tried for centuries to appease him, to gain the slightest bit of praise that Thor received.”

His shoulders sagged as he glanced up at Clayton’s face, but didn’t look him in the eyes. “He knew just what to say to make his insults drive in the deepest. Father was very good about that.” Loki trailed off for a few moments before he ducked his head down. “I haven’t mentioned any of this to anyone since my mother died. She tried to protect me from father, but she couldn’t always be there. I never told Thor about it, either…Father wouldn’t do any of it in front of him, but when Thor left on different missions?”

Clayton leaned over to pick up the cup of tea. Wordlessly, he offered it to Loki who took it and sipped on it for a few minutes. After setting it back down, he continued, his voice a great deal quieter. “Father always took the opportunity to inform me of my failings. I never told my Thor about it because him and Father had a good relationship, and I feared I wouldn’t be believed if I told Thor what had happened. When Father died, I was…Relieved. No longer did I have to fear him. I haven’t told Thor a number of things, including Thanos and what he did. I…Worried he’d think less of me.”

Loki finally looked up with a sad, broken smile. “The unbreakable Thor…The worst thing in the universe could happen to him, but my brother would still give the biggest, brightest smile.”

After Loki had fallen into silence, Clayton stood up and offered his hand. “Enough sitting on the floor.” Gently, he pulled the other man to his feet and shooed him into the bedroom. Then, he heaved a sigh. He recognized how much Loki had told him, and the nightmares likely stemmed from his father’s abuse. Once Loki settled on the bed, Clayton took a seat on the edge of the bed. “You can ask me whatever you want.”

“Despite my obvious issues, you haven’t sent me back to New Asgard. I…Why do you bother to help me? You didn’t need to bandage my hand.” Loki looked up at Clayton and didn’t miss the look of surprise.

Clayton had expected something a lot more personal and remained silent while he considered the question. “I really don’t know. I’ve just sort of gotten used to you being around.” Then, he snorted loudly. “I’m also a dumbass and have a type. You have the same sort of sass that I like in people. Probably why I’ve always gotten myself in trouble.”

While he didn’t know what to expect as an answer, Loki hadn’t quite expected the response he got. It felt strange to know someone wanted him around just because of who he was, rather than because of what he’d done for them. On one hand, it felt _good_. But on the other, it caused a sharp pain in his chest of ‘this is a lie’. Yet, he also realized that at some point, he’d stopped checking on Clayton in an attempt to make himself indispensable and instead because he recognized someone as broken as him.

“Clayton, could…You stay the night?” Loki knew the request would sound odd, but he worried that if the other man left, he’d pull the bandage off and start back in on his hand.

The whispers of Loki’s thoughts caused Clayton to inwardly frown, but he kept his face neutral. “Yeah. Will you be alright if I run upstairs for a quick shower? It shouldn’t take me more than ten minutes and I’ll bring you another cup of tea.”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Alright. Ten minutes. Promise.” Honestly, Clayton needed a moment to center himself and figure out what the hell he should do. At least Loki seemed content just to have someone there with him. Otherwise, Clayton had no idea what to even do. He didn’t want to make it worse and worried that he’d say the wrong thing.

The shower ended up being a lot shorter than what Clayton wanted; his scalp still itched a bit from left over skin, but he felt better. Sighing to himself, he plucked the finished up of tea up and headed back down to Loki’s apartment. Once in the bedroom, he critically eyed Loki’s hand and felt somewhat happy the bandage had remained in place. “Here, it’s the same flavor I brought earlier.”

Loki quietly murmured his thanks before he sipped on the tea. Finally, he set the cup on the end table and curled up on his side, making sure his hand had been shoved under the covers to minimize the desire to pick at it. “I like that tea. Where did you find it?”

“It’s from earth. It’s made from oranges and some other stuff. I don’t really go to earth except to pick up a few creature comforts. I can find similar items in space, but…I dunno. They’re not quite the same as what I’m used to. Since you like it, I can order a few extra boxes.”

“I can pay for it if you wa–“

Clayton shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Money comes from Xena’s accounts. She legitly made herself some bank accounts because she wanted to play the damn stock market. She was curious if she could fucking manipulate it. So, anytime we get back to earth, she downloads all the stock information during her absence and does all sorts of shit to figure out which stocks would be the best to invest in. I think she’s made a couple hundred thousand off it.” He offered a slight smile. “Point is, tacking an extra $20 or $30 onto my Amazon order isn’t going to hurt things.”

“Xena really is remarkable.” Loki mused. “Does it bother her that you don’t visit her very much?”

“I fuckin’ adore her. But not, it doesn’t because we end up talking daily. I have an instant messaging app on my tablet, and she downloaded and altered the same program so we can talk. Trust me, if she gets bored, she has no probably with zipping off somewhere for a while. She’s been trying to talk me into going with her to see some ‘once in a lifetime’ event. I haven’t decided if I want to go or not.” Clayton shifted so he leaned against the wall with his tail hanging off the edge of the bed.

“You should probably go.” Loki picked at a thread on the sheets and tried to ignore the urge to fiddle with his hand. He still felt anxious and stressed from the nightmare, but having someone to talk to helped distract him from the compulsive thoughts. “If it’s a once in a lifetime event, it’s likely worth seeing, even if it’s nothing seriously special.”

“Supposedly, an asteroid the size of a small moon is going to hit a moderately sized gas giant. I mean, it sounds interesting…But it’s a couple weeks out. Maybe I will.”

“It does sound interesting…I wouldn’t mind seeing it, myself.” Loki mused. Finally, he sighed softly. “You said I could ask anything I wanted, does the offer still hold?”

Clayton hoped he wouldn’t regret the offer. “Yes…I was being serious.”

“A few weeks ago…I asked about the scar on your stomach. How did you get it?”

The question caused Clayton to hesitate, but finally he sighed and tugged up the side of his shirt. On the right side of his stomach, just above where the inhuman Orussid half merged into human sat a round scar. He shifted himself so Loki could see his back in order to show a second, much more jagged scar. Before Loki could touch it, he settled back into his prior position and dropped his shirt.

“When I was in the military, I was deployed into a war zone, if that wasn’t obvious from what I’ve already told you. My unit and I went into these ruins and were ambushed. Shitty firefight and we were caught with our pants down, but long story short, I got shot. Don’t really remember much, but I nearly bled out and almost died on the operating table. Ended up getting discharged because of it.”

A concerned look crossed Loki’s face and he glanced up at Clayton, “How old were you?”

Clayton did some quick counting on his fingers. “Went in at 18, did a tour which is two years, signed up for another round at 20, had about a year left when I got shot so…21. Give or take a few months.”

Loki abruptly sat up. “That’s…Horrible.” He supposed the different life spans and differences in healing ability between Midgardians and Asgardians factored into things…But it sounded so young. “At least you were well cared for when you returned home?”

“Nah. We pretty much just rot.”

“…Beg pardon?” Loki couldn’t entirely be sure he’d heard Clayton correctly.

“Hoo boy. You just won the lottery of my favorite thing to bitch about!” Clayton squirmed a bit to get himself comfortable and lazily flopped his tail over his legs. “So, America has this federal department called the Veterans Affairs, or the VA. They’re supposed to provide healthcare and stuff to veterans. We go there for our health needs, medicine, and a whole bunch of stuff. Basically, a one stop shop for everything a vet might need for the rest of their life. On paper, it sounds like a fantastic idea, right?”

Loki nodded, “It does, but I assume that it doesn’t actually work out very well.”

“Correctamundo. I mean, some of the places are pretty good, but…A lot of them aren’t. The one near me was pretty shit. Not enough staff and too many patients. It was impossible to get in to see anyone and instead of just finding someone to listen to me? They only wanted to shove me on medicine that made me feel worse than when I started.” Clayton scoffed. “Of course, when it came to light that Steve Rogers had been found and was awake…We all kinda hoped that some changes would happen. I mean, Captain America _would not_ be happy with how things were going. Didn’t happen. VA gave him the best care and all but sucked his dick. I still wonder if the shit care my buddies got is why most of my unit is dead.”

“That’s so…Wrong.” Loki stared at Clayton, barely able to wrap his mind around the idea. “Asgardian warriors are cared for when they return home, in mind and body. War weighs heavily on even the most capable person.”

“That’s life. Wars on earth basically amount to throwing bodies at someone till you win or lose. No one really cares about what happens to those bodies when they come home…Except if they’re dead.” Clayton scoffed and shook his head. “At that point it’s basically dead hero worship.”

“Is that part of the reason on why you never went back to Earth? Because of how your country mistreated you?”

“A small part, yeah…But not the major reason. I told you about me changing. After that, I sorta wandered. Basically, lived in shitty apartment after shitty apartment, when I was lucky. Was homeless for most of it and Christ. You wouldn’t believe the bullshit I got from people. Half the time they thought I was a druggy and wouldn’t give me the time of day even though I practically begged for odd jobs to make money for food. Then I basically got abducted by aliens, and I learned the universe is pretty fucking massive in the process. Since I got out of the military, I'd always been unsatisfied and wanted to wander. So...I ended up wandering around the galaxy and no one cared what I looked like or any...Oddities. As far as they were concerned, I was some random species and all those quirks were just something related to that."

“You found where you fit in?” Loki settled back down on his side.

“I don’t really think I’ll fit in anywhere, but I’m not really seen as a freak like I would be on Earth.” Clayton ran his fingers through his hair and paused to scratch a still itchy spot.

Loki squinted slightly at a splash of color on the side of Clayton’s head. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Clayton glanced over, confused until Loki gestured at his head. He reached up to pull back his hair a bit to show the tattoo of a stylized A in Basic superimposed over a generic rifle. “That?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. I was part of bounty hunting outfit for a while, Arkane. A lot of bounty hunting groups will have some sort of indication of membership. Some might have a certain type of ear piercing or a certain symbol on their armor. Arkane went a bit more permanent and used tattoos. Their gist was that if you were good enough to get in, you were in for life. Combo of bragging rights and a badge of honor. Since the tattoo wouldn’t take on my forearm, I opted for the side of my head.” He shrugged. “Eventually, I struck out on my own and made a name for myself. S’how I got the ‘Sabaton’ moniker.”

“That’s interesting. Tattoos for Asgardians tend to be more of a family tradition, but some warrior groups will receive matching tattoos as an indication of brotherhood…So I suppose it’s not much different.” Loki mused a bit before looking back to Clayton. “Why did you leave?”

Clayton stiffened at the question. The reason still haunted him. “I killed almost all of them after they turned on me.”

Immediately, Loki knew with how Clayton had tensed up, he hadn’t told the entire story. He didn’t exactly know if he should ask further, but figured if the other man wanted to talk about it, he would. “I’ll assume they deserved it.”

He pushed himself away from the wall so that he was sitting up, but didn’t look at Loki. Instead, Clayton stared at a very interesting spot on the blanket. “They didn’t like it that I killed my girlfriend at the time.”

Loki’s mind shifted to their conversation about Clayton’s failed relationships. While sexes hadn’t really been mentioned, the other man had mentioned the final relationship having ended poorly and put him into a bad state. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. “Gisselle…She hurt you.” Loki’s heart sunk at how Clayton flinched at the name. “Then it’s good you killed her.”

“…In a sense.” Clayton stared at the same spot on the blanket, his tail coiled tightly around his leg to the point his toes felt numb. He didn’t want to talk about it, and had only told Xena. The AI didn’t have the biases that ‘organics’ had. “I…We were together for a few months. I adored her…She was as sassy as they came and good with a rifle. She told me she understood about…Everything…and I thought that I’d found the one. And…Then one night…I woke up with her on top of me. She was having a goddamned blast. Turns out, she’d been doing that for awhile when I was asleep.”

Loki froze as everything clicked into place. Everything made sense. The trust issues, the wariness, the defensiveness, everything. He felt an indescribable anger bubble up at the idea of a person so blatantly betraying someone’s trust. Quietly, he spoke and kept his voice extremely controlled. “I hope when you killed her, it was the most painful thing to have happened to her.”

“…Yeah. Kinda decided to see which would win: the wall or her. Wall won. Left a mess but...” Clayton hesitated and then glared at his own hands. While they remained still, his fingers vibrated. “I’m sorry for dumping that on you. You don’t need to hear that right now.”

“Don’t apologize. I…Suspected there was something unspoken.” Loki frowned. “I simply wish I knew what to say.”

“That makes two of us.” Clayton barked out a laugh. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Why do we always end up talking about the most depressing shit?”

“Perhaps because neither of us had the opportunity to talk about it and now we’re given the chance, it simply…Pours out.”

“…I guess.” Clayton sighed and rubbed his face, feeling drained again. Something that seemed common after his conversations with Loki. Thankfully, they seemed to be done for the night and once Loki had dozed off, Clayton carefully slipped off the bed. Then, he made his way back into the living area where he finished cleaning up the blood on the floor before he laid down on the couch to sleep.


	17. A Forced Vacation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Jump!" - Two Steps From Hell
> 
> This is officially my largest fic in terms of words/chapters. It also has the most hits. Yey.

Loki woke up with a soft noise and momentarily felt confused till he felt the tightness of the bandage around his hand. Sitting up, he briefly tugged at the bandage but refrained from pulling it off. Then, he noticed a distinct lack of Clayton. He immediately felt a stab of emotion akin to betrayal. Clayton had promised to stay the night, but had apparently left sometime after Loki’d fallen asleep. He slipped off his bed and stalked into the living room, his mind churning with emotions about how he’d be–…Oh.

Flopped out on the couch with his face pressed into the cushion and his tail partially coiled around his leg then looped up to press against his back laid Clayton. The mess of turbulent emotions simply dropped away and Loki felt a stab of guilt. How silly of him to assume the other man would share his bed, especially after their conversion the prior night.

He returned to his room, but paused to glance at the window. Rather than being greeted by the predawn light, he instead saw sunlight. Both of them had slept several hours past dawn and the idea honestly pleased him. He’d been trying to get Clayton to sleep in for quite some time. It just happened to be…Unfortunate that the circumstances around the success involved airing his personal traumas. Now, if only he could convince the man to take a much needed vacation…

After pulling fresh clothes on, Loki stepped back into the living room where Clayton had started to rouse. Sleepily, the Orussid King sat up and looked extremely unkingly with part of his hair sticking up. Then again, Loki supposed, Clayton hadn’t ever tried to step into the formalness of royalty that he’d grown up with on Asgard.

Clayton rubbed the side of his face and slowly untangled himself before he stood up. Already, something told him that he’d ended up sleeping a lot later than what he wanted. Still, his dreams hadn’t brought anything concerning sans the strangeness of playing chess with a talking bottle of mustard. He focused on Loki and his eyes briefly flicked to the other man’s still bandaged hand. “How do you feel?”

“Better…Hungry, if I’m perfectly honest.” Loki looked at his bandaged hand for a moment. “I…Thank you. For staying. You didn’t have to.”

“I’ve been in a similar state. It’s not fun to rough it alone.” Clayton awkwardly stood there a moment and shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Uh…How about some breakfast, then?”

“Food would be a good idea.”

Breakfast ended up being leftovers from dinner, but since dinner had been something mild, it worked quite nicely as a starting meal. Clayton picked at his food a bit before he finally sighed and looked up. “Loki, about a few days ago when I snapped at you. I’m sorry.” He hesitated and then just decided to spit it out. “I always get bitchy before I shed and pretty much everything annoys me…Even if it shouldn’t.”

Loki looked up at the sound of his name, but then frowned as Clayton spoke. So, it _had_ been akin to being sick, but… “What do you mean ‘shed’?”

“I...Shed my skin a few times a year. Like…” He gestured at himself. “All of it. To make sure it goes smoothly, I need certain temperatures and air humidity. And when it’s done…Well, everything is soft and I just kinda wanna hide till everything finishes drying.”

“Sounds unpleasant.” Loki briefly considered the idea of having to do similar and found it distasteful. “So, I assume your skin after a shed is delicate?”

“It’s more annoying, to be honest. ‘Cause it’s three or four days where I’m limited on what I can do.” Clayton poked at his food, but then nodded. “Pretty much. I…Just get really irritable beforehand because it feels like my skin’s too tight. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“No, it makes perfect sense. Do you always look so terrible before you shed?”

“Pretty much.” Clayton sipped his coffee.

“I see. Well, if I notice you looking ill again, I’ll assume you’re about to shed and will leave you be.” Though, this caused a question to pop up in Loki’s mind. “That being said, do you even get sick? I’m thinking about your unique physiology and the acidic blood.”

“Not…Really? If I do it’s more stomach or respiratory infections…But I don’t get that very often.” Clayton grinned slightly, “And if I do, only my human half looks like shit.”

“Noted.” Loki looked down at his bandaged hand and lightly wiggled his fingers with a frown.

“If it starts feeling too tight or your fingers start tingling, you can take it off. I…Just wanted to stop the bleeding and to making it harder for you to hurt yourself.”

“No, it’s fine. I…Just haven’t told anyone before.” Loki looked up with a faint expression of amusement. “I didn’t expect you to come for a visit. Why _did_ you come to visit, anyway?”

“Believe it or not, but I was going to apologize for snapping at you and the tea was supposed to be peace offering.” Clayton shrugged slightly. “I know when I’ve fucked up, and I try to be man enough to own up to those mistakes.”

“Well, it was likely a good thing you arrived when you did.” Loki suddenly shifted uncomfortably, wondering how honest he should be with Clayton. The downside to the whole collateral idea Xena had presented, was the notion of sharing information which meant sharing everything he’d sought to hide. “I will be honest. I was worried you’d do something since you…Have a temper.”

Clayton looked down at his plate. “Yeah, I’m not gonna try to deny that one. I mostly just get snappy when I’m stressed.” Then, he snorted slightly. “Xena once said that I’m more bark then bite unless I’m backed into a corner. Look, Loki. If I say shitty stuff towards you when I’m stressed, I likely don’t mean it. I tend to be pretty upfront and honest when I don’t like someone. I’m not trying to make an excuse, it’s simply how I am and the sort of company I’ve kept for the past decade. Don’t take it to heart.”

“That’s…Not as easy as you make it sound.” Loki stated, carefully. “The entire reason I seriously entertained the idea of killing you, is because you reminded me heavily of my father.”

“Yeah…I can see it with what I know now.”

“I do realize you’re nothing like him. It’s simply…” He didn’t exactly know how to put it into words.

“You can’t help but remembering and it makes you scared its going to happen again?”

“Yes, exactly.” Finally, Loki huffed. “Enough about that depressing topic. What do you intend on doing today?”

Clayton looked up at the sudden switch of topics and blinked a few times in surprise. Still, he supposed that Loki didn’t want to launch into the topic that’d caused him to hurt himself. “Not too terribly much. The Orussid are planning on another ranking match today to decide on who gets to be the next Battlemaster, which pretty much requires my presence. I get the final say on if someone moves up in rank or not.”

“I remember seeing it, but you didn’t explain very much at the time. I’d honestly enjoy knowing more.”

“There…Really isn’t much to say. Most of what goes on is the hive chattering. I can give you the highlights of who the fighters are, but not much else. There’s just way too much going on for me to try to do that.” Clayton finally pushed his plate away from him.

“I would be fine with that idea. The Orussid all look the same to me and several times, I went looking for S’li and stumbled across someone else entirely.” A smile quirked across Loki’s lips. “It led to a couple of misunderstandings.”

“Ah, yeah. I had the same problem until I figured out how to identify everyone by their mind.” At Loki’s curious expression, Clayton made a soft noise to figure out how to explain. “Alright, you know how people have different little quirks to their faces that helps you remember details? It’s sort of like that except it’s their minds. It’s…Sensation. I guess. Christ, I don’t know how to even explain it. It just…Is.”

“You’re…Telepathic, correct? Why can’t you just show me?”

“Loki, I might sit at the top of the pecking order, but I barely know how to use this shit.” Clayton laughed and then looked down, feeling embarrassed. “I never really tried to use it except when it was needed. Maybe plant the suggestion for this guy to give me a discount, or listen to this other person’s surface thoughts so I knew what the fuck he was saying. And…I’ve used it to basically yank information out of people. Doesn’t leave them in a good state when I do that. My…Point is…It’s easier for me to do big stuff than little stuff. Kinda like it’s easier to throw a punch than it is to draw a masterpiece.”

“In short, what I’m asking you to do takes a lot more skill?” Loki tilted his head to the side, curiously.

“Yeah, exactly. I mean, I could try, but…I’m worried I might hurt you or something. I think I’d basically have to act as a filter so all the hive stuff doesn’t dump into your brain.”

“I still want to know. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done something mind numbingly idiotic.” Loki took a sip of his tea. “At least I’m sitting down?”

Clayton fiddled with his fork for a moment but finally nodded. “Just…Let me know if I start hurting you. I haven’t had much practice.”

“I will.” Loki tried to offer a smile of reassurance, but he knew he’d be lying if he claimed he wasn’t a bit worried. At first, nothing happened, but slowly he became aware of another sensation. Hesitant and almost…Timid. Then other sensations spiraled out from the first. Loki suddenly realized the first sensation had been Clayton, which meant the others were the Orussid. While there were many similarities, each one felt different. A uniqueness in a sea of minds. Along with the different minds came the knowledge of where they were located in the city.

“That’s…Amazing.” Yet, Loki knew he hadn’t seen the entirety of what Clayton dealt with on a day to day basis. The man in front of him clearly handled so much more. Slowly, a new sensation creeped in: a multitude of whispers. Different voices, each saying something else, all blending and merging into each other till they were one. At the same time, he could pick out singular information from the voices. His eyes widened when he realized he was _hearing_ the hive.

He felt beyond curious and wanted to know more, but a dull ache had started between his eyes. When a shadow of a shared memory danced past his mind’s eye, the ache turned into a sharp stab and caused him to make a noise of pain. The hive and everything associated with it vanished in an instant.

“Sorry. I tried to filter the best I could, but I’ve never done that before and…”

“No, it’s fine. That was absolutely fascinating.” Despite the ache in his forehead, Loki knew he had an idiotic grin that’d rival what Thor could make. “I assume you deal with a great deal more?”

“Yeah, I basically just showed you who’s in the immediate area.” Clayton wrapped his hands around his mug of coffee and picked at the handle with his thumb nails. “I had to really learn how to filter everything early on. Otherwise…It was like…Drowning. There was just so much information being presented to me all at once. At first, I tried to pay attention to everything that went by me, till I learned it was better to just ignore everything unless it pertained to me or needed my attention.”

“If you’re getting information from everyone in the hive, I can see how it’d be overwhelming fairly easily.” Loki pressed his thumb into the skin between his eyes where his head ached the worst. Rapidly, the pain receded. “How did you even discover the Orussid? You mentioned having found them as eggs, but nothing concerning the circumstances.”

“Christ…That was a hell of a cock up. Well, after Xena and I came to an agreement, I started getting back into bounty hunting. Decided to run under a working name, Sabaton, to keep my personal and business life separate. I’m not going to claim I’m the best because I know there’s a few better than me, but Rocket wasn’t joking when he called me ‘top tier’.” Clayton snorted out a laugh. “I have a massive kill list and I’m wanted in easily a dozen different systems…Those are the ones where I did assassinations. Well, I ended up taking out the head of a crime syndicate on contract by his competitor. She paid me a nice chunk of change.”

Honestly, Loki hadn’t quite expected Clayton to so readily provide information, though he supposed it had to with it being more about his ‘job’ rather than himself. “I think I see where this is going. You killed him and it angered those allied with him?”

“Yup! One of his buddies put a bounty out for another buddy. They basically planned on luring me here and ganging up on me. You can probably assume that it didn’t work out too well. About…Eh…Kilometer to the south is some old ruins. That’s where the Orussid eggs were at. I ran into the building where they were stored and figured I could use the darkness to my advantage. The eggs didn’t react to me that much, but I think I woke them up…They _did_ react to the guys chasing me.” Clayton shook his head. “Fuckers didn’t stand a chance. One thing led to another aaaand…Yeah. Suddenly I’m the head honcho of an alien race.”

“Hmn. Do you regret it? Part of their reproduction _does_ involve killing people.”

“Not really.” Clayton gave a sharp grin. “I recruited from Jericho.”

Loki recalled all too well the events of Jericho and what had been said about the place. “Taking out the trash, as the saying goes?”

“Exactly. Anyway. I guess we ought to get down to the arena. It didn’t rain overnight, so it shouldn’t be a muddy mess.” After a moment, he glanced over at Loki with a frown. “Do you need anything for your headache?”

“Hm? No, I’m fine.”

Clayton had been certain the other man had gotten a headache, but chose not to question further. Instead, he led the way to the small arena where the Orussid had already started to gather. “The ranking matches you saw previously was just about getting the new Orussid made from Thanos’ troops settled in. Like I said earlier, this one is basically me going through ‘applications’ for a new Battlemaster.”

The two Orussid who entered the ring began grappling with each other and immediately tried to flip their opponent onto the ground. While interested in the fight, Loki found himself scanning the crowd. Among those attending, he saw several Orussid who had juveniles clinging to their back. “Entertainment for the entire family?”

“Pretty much. It just depends on who’s working and who’s off. If the parents are working, they leave the kids at the creche under the care of Jlor. He’s usually grumpy, but he looks after them.” Clayton winced slightly when one of the fighters landed on the ground particularly hard.

“Is he the one-armed Orussid I saw?”

“That’s him. He wasn’t too happy about being a glorified babysitter after he lost his arm in an accident, but I managed to convince him.” Clayton snorted. “He’s settled into the job, though.”

Loki nodded but glanced over to Clayton when the man suddenly nudged his side, then he looked towards the ring at the other’s pointing. Two Orussid stepped into the ring and then violently slammed into each other in a mad attempt to gain the upper hand. However, both seemed to know each other’s moves and neither were able to gain the upper hand.

“They’re literally twins and came out of the same host. Stupidly rare, according to the Orussid and so they have this…Weird bond. Like, they’re part of the hive, right? But they also have their own private mental connection. Because of that, they work insanely well together and they’re incredibly dangerous to whoever faces them.” As Clayton spoke, he kept a close eye on the two fighters. “I was surprised when they both entered since they know each other’s tricks.”

“That’s fascinating.” Loki mused. “Honestly, part of why I wanted to be the delegate is because the Orussid fascinate me. I’ve never encountered anything similar to them.”

“They’re something else.” Clayton agreed, but finally stepped into the ring in order to break up the fight. The two Orussid stood at attention and regarded him for a moment before finally bowing their heads, then leaving the ring. As he returned to where Loki stood, two new fighters entered.

“What happened?”

“I ended the fight. It had turned into a stalemate and the only way there’d be a winner is when one of them finally got tired. Setting them up with a different fighter wouldn’t be fair to them since they’d be against someone fully rested. Besides, they’re both very capable fighters and I think splitting them up would be a bad idea.”

“I agree.” He glanced back to Clayton. “How many Orussid applied for the position?”

“Ten, but with me declining the twins, it’s down to eight…Which is a lot better because it doesn’t mean the final fight’s a three-way brawl.”

Loki made a soft hum of acknowledgement as he watched the next two fight. Then, another question came to mind. “Once you have a new Battlemaster, what then? You’ll have a chunk of your day freed up since you won’t need to oversee training.”

“Don’t know yet.” Clayton shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll find something to keep myself busy.”

This prompted Loki to slowly sidle up next to Clayton as a prime opportunity presented itself. “Perhaps a vacation would be a good idea. You’ve worked non-stop since I’ve arrived.”

“Yeahbut.” Clayton started.

“You don’t take weekends off, and you work long hours. As it stands, you’ve accomplished plenty in my time here. You’ve forged an alliance, a trade route, and you’re about to find a new Battlemaster. Arguably, the first two are both very impressive tasks which would be cause for celebration for any other ruler.” He carefully lavished the praise onto the other man. Clayton didn’t seem to have much of an ego compared to other kings, and making the compliments too obvious would likely have the opposite reaction. “And correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t the Orussid receive weekends off?”

“Well, yeah. I’m not going to work them to the bo–“ Clayton’s mouth abruptly snapped shut when he realized where Loki’s train of reasoning went. He looked over to the other man who had a vaguely smug expression on his face. “You can be a real asshole sometimes.”

Despite the sentence being phased as an insult, the tone said otherwise. Loki’s smug expression turned into a smirk. “That’s _Royal_ asshole, to you. However, I am being serious. You allow your people weekends off, and I assume you also allow them the time to recover from injury. Why do you give them benefits, but deny yourself those very same perks? Is the hive so delicate that it’ll fall apart if you’re not overseeing it every minute of the day?”

Before Clayton could come up with an excuse, the hive murmured their agreement. While many still disliked Loki or outright didn’t trust him, they couldn’t deny the truth he spoke: their king did need time to rest. “I took a short one when I shed.”

“I don’t know very much about the process, but if how you acted was any indication? You didn’t relax…And I’m certain Xena would have a few choice words if I were to inform her about your behavior.” Loki hadn’t forgot how the AI had threatened him over Clayton’s safety.

“Oh, Christ. You managed to get the hive harping at me, too.” He made an exasperated sound, but he couldn’t exactly deny he’d been getting restless from staying planetside so long. “Ok, fine. There’s a few things Xena’s been wanting to check out.”

“I’m not talking about what she wants. I’m taking about what _you_ want, Clayton.”

“Most of the stuff she wants to see is weird galactic events…And I’m not against the idea because she always finds seriously interesting things. But…I’m perfectly fine with hanging around and watching some movies.” He watched the next pair of Orussid step into the ring but then shifted his attention back to Loki. “I’ll have to stop at a port to pick up fresh food, though. I’m not gonna go pissing around the galaxy and eat pre-packaged crap.”

“And when do you intend on us leaving?”

“Probably tomorrow morning and…What the hell do you mean ‘us’?” He stared at Loki, incredulously.

“Well, someone has to make sure you actually take a vacation instead of doing more work. I full plan on informing Xena of the vacation.”

“…Oh my God.” Clayton pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. The two were going to gang up on him to make sure he actually took a damn vacation…Mostly because he knew Loki was right. The hive laughed at his exasperation, and urged him to leave after the new Battlemaster had been chosen. This caused him to grump out, “Even the hive is ganging up on me…”

“Then it’s settled.”

“Ugh. Fiiiiine. We leave tonight.” He tried not to let the edge of a whine bleed out into his voice, but he hated being strong armed into a decision. Still, he couldn’t exactly say that they were all wrong.

“Excellent! I’ll go inform Xena.” Before Clayton could reply, Loki had already turned and slipped away into the crowd of Orussid.

“…Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Loki glanced up when the ship’s lights flicked on and he climbed up to the second level. “Xena, I need your help in something involving Clayton.”

“It depends on what you’re wanting.”

“To start with, how much do you know about his history?” He sat down at the table.

“Most everything.”

He nodded slightly and looked at his hands; he hadn’t removed the bandage yet. “He’s started telling me about things, thanks to your advice concerning collateral. His military experience, his past relationships, what caused his prior one to end badly.” Loki didn’t bother to hide the anger in his voice. “But that’s not why I’m here. He needs a vacation…He hasn’t taken a day off since I‘ve arrived…The instance where he left to shed notwithstanding, but I wouldn’t consider it much of a vacation.”

“No, he spends most of it uncomfortable and exhausted. I take it you’re wanting my help in convincing him to take a vacation?”

“Ah…No. I…Might have backed him into a corner concerning the idea with the help of the Orussid hive…While making…” Loki lightly gestured. “Vague threats of taking the matter to you.”

Xena laughed, “He wouldn’t have liked you doing it, but I approve. As quick thinking and intelligent as he can be, he can also be very one track minded at times. It’s both a benefit and a character flaw. When can I expect him to arrive?”

“He’s presiding over a ranking match right now, but agreed to leave tonight with plans of stopping at a port in the morning to pick up fresh food.” Loki looked down and fiddled with the bandage, debating the idea of taking it off. “If I’m being candid, I…Worry. He carried a lot of weight and I believe he works himself so hard so he doesn’t have a chance of think about the weight.”

“You’d be correct. I won’t go into details since I don’t know how much he’s told you, but I suppose you’re able to understand why I’m…Protective of him.”

“No, I understand from what he’s told me. They aren’t matters to speak lightly of.” He sighed and looked back up. “I simply want him to relax and enjoy himself. Things weren’t easy for him due to Thanos, and once it was over with, he simply jumped right into work. The problem is, I don’t know what to suggest. I’m unfamiliar with what Midgard has to offer.”

“Midgard?”

“Ah, apologies. I’m from a realm called Asgard, and we’ve always called this realm ‘Midgard’. I’ve visited a number of times, but have never stayed for long. Clayton mentioned an event you’re wanting to watch concerning an asteroid and I thought similar events would be interesting. Just things to keep him away from work for a while.”

“I can certainly compose a list. As a fair warning: he might be a bit moody since he dislikes the ability to choose being taken away from him…But he’ll settle down after a bit.”

Loki nodded slightly, “Noted.”

Once the ranking fights had ended and a new Battlemaster selected, Clayton returned to his apartment to pack. Thankfully, Fox hadn’t decided to steal his shirts yet. So, he tossed down a blanket for the critter and amusedly watched Fox drag it to the corner to flop down on it. Since Fox’d hit maximum nippiness, Clayton figured the eggs were a few days away and gave Cook the mental order to chop up extra fruit. As much as he would have enjoyed taking Fox with him, the critter didn’t like space travel and Xena didn’t much care for him.

Unsurprisingly, Loki waited for him in the commons area with his own bag of clothes. Sitting on the table were several containers of food from Cook, just enough to last till they arrived at a port to restock Xena. Clayton slung the bag over his shoulder and picked up some of the containers. “Since you’re insisting on coming along, you can help me carry this stuff.”

“Have you thought about where you’d like to travel to?” Loki checked the container lids to ensure they were secure before he picked them up.

“Beyond the port I wanna go to for food, not yet.”

It didn’t surprise Clayton to see Xena had already gotten herself ready for travel, judging from the deep, low hum of her idling engines. How had he managed to get roped into this again? He clambered up to the second level and briefly paused to take the food containers from Loki before he went to put them up in the fridge.

“I have a list of places to visit. Loki mentioned that while he’s been to Midgard numerous times, it’s always been for short visits. A number of the places are ones I felt he’d be interested in seeing. It’ll pass the time before L-163 is due to impact Izaph.”

“Why do I get the feeling that I have basically no say in this and I’m being forced into a vacation?” Clayton asked as he grabbed his bag off the floor.

“Because you’d be correct. Loki informed me of everything that’s been happening concerning you and I approve of his decisions…Especially since it’s something _I’d_ do. Now, on to more important matters. Which port do you have in mind for food?”

“Dujquet. I think it’s heading into fall, so the markets should have a lot of fresh food.” He mused as he walked to his room long enough to toss his bag onto his bed. “Since it’s only an hour or so for the jump drive, we can hang out in orbit till morning…Which will be in what…”

“Eight hours. Meaning, after you eat in the morning the markets should be open.”

“Can I at least get a list of things you have planned?” Clayton flopped onto the couch and tried to ignore Loki’s amused expression.

“No.”

“Oh my God. I literally have no choice in this. Fuck you two.”

Loki bit back a retort of ‘yes please’, keeping in mind Clayton’s past. “It won’t be bad. Think of it as an opportunity to teach me about Midgardian culture, if you want to keep a work mindset about things.”

Clayton blinked a few times and the annoyed swishing of his tail switched to something a lot calmer as he thought over the statement. “What do you know about Star Wars?”

“I assume you don’t mean a war between stars.”

“...Xenaaaaaaaaa!” He looked up at one of the cameras. “Xena, we need to fix this…Like yesterday. What should we start with? The original trilogy or the prequels? Should we include Clone Wars, too?”

“Just start with the first…?” Loki commented, perplexed.

“No, no. You don’t understand.” Clayton rolled onto his stomach. “Star Wars is a movie franchise that’s spanned…I wanna say 40 years, but it started with Episode four. Then it went five and six. But then in the 2000s or so, they came out with Episodes one through three along with an animated series called the Clone Wars. _Then_ , it went Episode seven followed by Rogue One which is basically episode three and a half, followed by Episode eight…Then the Han Solo movie which I guess is episode three and a quarter? Still rooting for a damn Kenobi movie, though.”

“I…What?” Loki just stared at Clayton. “That makes no sense!”

“It makes perfect sense.”

“I would argue starting with the original trilogy because I feel JarJar would annoy Loki. Plus the spoilers that the prequel trilogy brings. I feel it would ruin the impact of some of the more dramatic scenes in the original trilogy.”

Clayton quietly groaned. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. We also won’t be able to binge watch all the movies tonight because combined they’re…What…Ten hours?”

“22, actually…With an additional 44 hours if you were to include Clone Wars.”

“Uh…Alright, let’s settle for the movies, first. We can maybe pick up Clone Wars afterwards. Figure we can get through one, maybe two of the movies tonight.”

“Do…I have a choice in this matter?” Loki suspected he didn’t.

“Fuck no. Star Wars is basically Earth culture 101. There’s two types of people: those who like Star Wars and those who’re wrong.”

After dinner had been heated up, they settled down to watch ‘A New Hope’. Loki felt a bit dubious about the idea, but soon fell into it once he realized how similar movies were to plays. While it didn’t recount epic historical events, he still found it interesting…Even if it felt a bit too similar to the events concerning Thanos. The whole…All powerful, evil antagonist fighting against a rag tag group of protagonists.

On the other hand, the plot twist at the end of The Empire Strikes Back took him by complete surprise. When the credits started, he looked to Clayton. “Obi-wan lied to Luke.”

“Sort of? I don’t really wanna go into the discussion of things till you get to see the prequel trilogy…Because it goes more in depth concerning Kenobi and Anakin’s relationship. Once we get through that, then yeah, we can absolutely talk about things.” Clayton stretched before rolling off the couch and onto his feet. “But what do you think so far?”

“It’s different from what Asgard had. Plays often related to past events, usually important battles or people. If they were comedies, it was often satire and poked fun at something or someone. Still, I look forward to the next movies.” Loki commented as he got up to rinse out his cup. “I do think that sleep would be a good idea since you’re wanting to go shopping in the morning.”

“Yeah, I agree.” He gave Loki a slight nod before retreating to his room and locking the door. Quietly, he found himself wondering how the hell he’d managed to get himself roped into a damn vacation…Especially one that’d apparently last him several weeks. Finally, he simply laid down on the bed and stretched out. The main issue would be finding things to keep himself busy, but Xena had hinted at having a list of things planned. Unfortunately, about all he could do was wait and see.

The next morning, he meandered out of his room, snagged a cup of coffee, and wandered to the helm where Xena had already landed. In front of the ship stood Iearus, the primary port city of Dujquet. Off in the distance were the temperate forests that surrounded the city. All and all, he looked forward to getting to wander around the city.

He just hoped that the whole matter with Thanos hadn’t affected things too badly.


	18. "Jeet?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Missile" - Dorthy  
> "Better Now" - Collective Soul

Since Loki hadn’t woken up yet, Clayton opted to heat up breakfast and return to the helm where he settled in the pilot’s chair to eat. He mused for a moment and glanced at the door. “Hey, Xena? Can you close the door partway and play some music on shuffle while I work on my grocery list?”

“Is there anything in particular you’re wanting to listen to?”

“Nah. Just shuffle, and not too loudly. I’m not feeling dickish enough to use my music to wake Loki up.” Though, a devious grin formed. “On the other hand…Make a note for me: Fuel by Metallica. Alternatively, Night Witches by Sabaton.”

“I still find it absurd your working name is after a band and you named a planet after a song.”

“I never said I was good at names! Besides, you’re not one to talk. Just play the damn music, Xena.” He shook his head and worked on making a list of food he wanted to buy while he ate. After a moment, he made a secondary list and began adding different meal ideas; he wanted to expose Loki to different Earth foods. Maybe if the trip lasted long enough, he’d visit Earth…Because despite all of his past attempts, he’d never mastered the art of baking a good pizza.

Sleepily, Loki meandered out of his room and pulled a container of food out of the fridge. The fact that the coffee maker had been turned on suggested Clayton had already gotten up. The idea didn’t surprise him in the least bit. Hopefully, the other man hadn’t tried to work on anything business related.

He hadn’t been aware of the music, at first, but he slowly noticed a faint thumping from the helm. Curiously, he walked towards the half-closed door and started being able to make out the music, as well as the sound of a woman singing. _Vengeance is a cold thing baby, I serve it on a bed of pain. Still think you a hot one, baby? We'll see when the missile reigns._

Loki opened the door fully, and found Clayton typing something on the console while his tail tapped to the beat of the music. “I don’t exactly find your taste in music kind to the ears.”

Clayton touched something on the console and the music stopped. “That’s because you’re an uncultured heretic. I bet you like classical and shit when metal is clearly the superior music choice.”

“…What?” Loki could only give the other man a perplexed look, but finally just shook his head and shifted his attention to the front window. “I assume we’ve landed on Dujquet?”

“Yeah, this is Iearus. I was just making a list of things I wanted to buy while I waited for you to wake up. If you really want to, you can tag along while I go shopping. Otherwise, I was gonna give you some money so you could explore the city. There’s a few different attracts. Gardens, museums, and oth–“

“Museums?” He immediately perked up and looked towards Clayton. “What type?”

“I’unno. Art and historical, I guess? Not an interest of mine. Honestly, I don’t really care what you do as long as you don’t cause trouble and you’re back by evening.” Clayton picked up his dishes and started back to the living area.

“Clayton, don’t you have an extra communicator you could give him? It’d allow me to contact him or give directions should he get lost.”

“I…Actually don’t know. Gimmie a few to go look.” As he passed through the kitchen, he dumped his dishes off and then headed down to the lower level. Honestly, he really needed to do some cleaning since he’d accumulated a bunch of junk. Usually in the form of weapons that he’d bought for a singular mission and then never used again. Still, after a bit of digging he located another wrist communicator.

Once back on the upper level, he tossed the communicator at Loki. “It’s pretty basic compared to what I currently use, but you’ll be able to contact Xena if you need to. Just press the button.”

Loki caught the device and briefly examined it before putting it on. “I don’t anticipate getting lost, but I imagine it’ll be good to know when you finish shopping…At least, I assume you’ll return here when you’re done?”

“Probably. I don’t really plan on any sight-seeing. Also…” Clayton briefly walked into the helm and then returned with a small chip. After gesturing at Loki to let him see the communicator, he popped the chip into a slot. “That gives you access to one of the accounts. Just swipe the bracelet over the reader and it’ll pay. Most people just have the chip implanted for the sake of ease, but some people don’t for cultural or religious reasons. So, if you get any shit for it, just tell ‘em it’s against your religion and they’ll shut up.”

Loki curiously looked at the communicator for a moment, but nodded. “Alright.” Then he glanced back up at Clayton and smirked. “Does this mean I have an allowance?”

“I’m not the one you ask.” Clayton pointed at one of the cameras. “You talk to the Boss Lady, ‘cause it’s her account the chip’s linked to.”

“Noted.”

“Oh! Before I forget. The code to unlock the bay door is 1763, you probably won’t need to use it since she’ll know you’ve gotten back…But just in the odd case she doesn’t.” He commented before disappearing to grab a jacket from his room. “Anyways, have fun.”

For the next few hours, Clayton meandered through the different markets. While the stall owners greeted him warmly, he still felt a subtle tension in the air. Likely, people were still recovering from The Snap. Still, he found most of the foods on his list and felt pleased over the quality. He’d even been able to pick up some fresh meat! It had taken some haggling, but he’d gotten a nice amount for a decent price.

According to Xena, Loki hadn’t returned yet. So, Clayton snagged himself some lunch on his way back to the ship. After unloading the food from the small hover cart he’d rented, he sent the machine on its way and started hauling everything to the upper level so he could put it up. Honestly, it reminded him of when he traveled as a bounty hunter…Before the entire King of the Orussid thing. Things had been so much simpler back then.

“Has Loki checked in?”

“No, not yet. He likely won’t for another hour, minimum. He’s presently attending a play in one of the parks after he visited the arts district.”

Clayton just made a soft noise and shoveled more food into his mouth. He really didn’t know how long to hang around on the planet since it really didn’t have anything that interested him. So, he supposed that it’d depend on Loki and his interests. Finally, he stretched and started picking up his trash. “Pull up the list of shows you pulled off Netflix, will you?”

Once the list popped up, he walked to the holoscreen and scrolled through the list to find something to watch. “Wanna be a dinosaur junky and marathon Jurassic Park till Loki gets back? Or do we wanna binge watch Lost in Space?”

“Do I get to point out all of the idiotic mistakes if we go with Lost in Space?”

“Definitely.”

Only the first two episodes ended up being criticized and when Loki returned at the start of the fourth, both Clayton and Xena had been drawn into the show. Reluctantly, Clayton paused the episode and looked over to the other man. “Loki, jeet?”

Loki looked over at his name and fiddled with the strap of the bag he carried, but an expression of pure bafflement formed on his face as he tried to figure out what Clayton had said. “I… _what_?”

“Jeet?”

“Beg pardon?”

“…Jeet?”

Xena had quietly begun to snicker, prompting Loki to wonder if they were playing some elaborate trick on him. “I can’t understand you.”

Clayton made an exasperated noise. “How many times do I have to say it? Did. You. Eat. Yet?”

“How in the fucking Nine Realms does ‘jeet’ equate with ‘did you eat yet’?!” Loki demanded.

“…Oh. Right. You don’t speak Southern.” He shook his head. “Question still stands.”

“No, I haven’t eaten, yet.”

“D’ya like tacos?” Clayton pushed himself up to his feet and stretched.

“What’s a taco?” Loki looked confused, which only got worse when Clayton made a soft sound of horror.

Immediately, Clayton stepped over to the fridge and began pulling things out. “We are fuckin’ fixing that fuckin’ tonight.”

Loki stared at the other man in bafflement but finally just decided to return to his room for the time being. Upon entering his room, he found a small, wrapped package. After setting his bag down, he curiously picked up the package and opened it. The bracelet inside only served to confuse him further. It had wooden beads of different sizes which could be rolled or spun. Loki stepped out of the room and held up the bracelet. “What’s this?”

Clayton glanced up from putting some sort of ground meat into a pan. “Meant to tell you about that but I got side tracked. Figure that since you try to distract yourself with your hands, that having something you could fiddle with would help instead of you…” He vaguely gestured. “You know. Some people have rings they fidget with, apparently, but figured that since you have knives that something on your fingers wouldn’t be a good idea.”

Loki felt shocked and looked down at the bracelet. He knew exactly what Clayton had referenced, and really didn’t know what to think about the gesture. “I…Thank you.”

“Uhhuh.” Clayton’s attention went back to working on dinner, as if what he’d done had been some everyday action.

After he returned to his room, Loki looked down at the bracelet in his hand for a moment before finally putting it on his left wrist. As far as jewelry went, it didn’t seem too noticeable and happened to be bland enough in color that it didn’t stand out. Lightly, he rolled one of the beads with his thumb and found the sensation pleasing.

He shifted his attention to the bag on his bed and began pulling out the books he’d purchased in order to organize them. Soon, the smell of something vaguely spicy drifted into his room and he followed his nose to the kitchen-living area. Sitting on the counter were several different bowls. A couple held what looked to be chopped vegetables, another had something resembling cheese, and yet another some type of white substance. Then, on a plate, sat a small stack of flat bread. “I take it you’re almost done?”

“Yup. Just waiting for the sauce to boil down a bit.” He peered at the pan and stirred it slightly before turning off the heat. “Aight. Come’re and I’ll show you how to make a taco.”

Once Loki had joined him at the counter, Clayton grabbed a plate before putting two tortillas on it and loading them up with food. “It tends to go meat, veggies, cheese, sour cream, and then the hot sauce. I dunno what all you’re used to, so I put a second spoon in the bowls so you can taste test. I recommend a small taste of the hot sauce. It’s not _that_ spicy, buuut I’ve met people who couldn’t handle any sort of heat.”

Curiously, Loki followed the directions and worked on making his own tacos. Rather than finding the hot sauce unpleasant, he found the tingle it left on his tongue to be pleasing. However, he immediately noticed the lack of silverware and felt baffled since he’d always seen the man use them in the past. “No forks?”

“Huh? Oh, you don’t use forks with tacos.” Clayton held a taco up in his hand and took a bite out of it. “S’how you eat them.”

Feeling unsure, Loki took a seat at the table and mimed Clayton. While he had encountered sandwiches and knew how to eat them, this just happened to be something new entirely. After taking a bite, he made a face at how some of the taco had squeezed out and gotten on his hands.

Clayton laughed and passed a napkin over to him. “They’re kinda messy. I think you might have overfilled yours a bit, but don’t worry about it.”

“I’ve noticed.” He cleaned his hands and tucked the napkin under his plate. “Where did you learn to make these?”

“It’s an Earth recipe. I ended up getting a lot of food to make meals with…I can’t stand pre-packaged meals. I mean, they’re good in a pinch or if I’m not feeling good, but otherwise? Nah.” Clayton sipped his water, then looked over at Loki with a grin. “Like it so far?”

Loki held up a finger while he finished chewing the bite he’d taken. “Yes, I do. Especially the hot sauce.”

“I wouldn’t really call it hot, but I didn’t want to get anything super spicy since I didn’t know your tolerances.” Clayton shrugged. “I want to introduce you to foods, not give you a bad experience with them.”

“Understandable.” He glanced towards the holoscreen for a moment before focusing back on Clayton. “Would it be possible for us to continue watching…Star Wars, was it?”

“Yeah, absolutely. The show Xena and I was watching had just started a new episode.” Clayton glanced up at a camera and gestured at the holoscreen. A moment later, the title screen of Return of the Jedi popped up.

Loki sat there rapt as he watched the movie and barely noticed the other man getting up to start putting away the dishes. While he supposed that the entire redemption arc could be considered a bit cliché, it tied up all the loose ends nicely and gave the trilogy a satisfying end, overall. He looked over to Clayton when the movie ended, “You said something about a…prequel trilogy?”

“Yeah, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith. We can probably get through Phantom Menace, but the other two will have to wait till tomorrow night.” Clayton stretched and got up to get himself a drink.

“Speaking of tomorrow, I was considering going down to the beach since there’s sculptures that’ve been carved out of the stone pillars. Would you like to come with me?” Loki looked towards the other man as he moved around the kitchen.

“…I hate sand. It’s coarse and irritating, and it gets everywhere.”

Xena snickered at the modified quote, but the reference went clear over Loki’s head. “I see. I suppose it might cause issues with your skin.”

Clayton made a slightly exasperated noise. “It was a quote…But the irritating part is true. It tends to get into the creases of my exoskeleton.” He gestured at his tail. “I guess it depends on what type of sand it is. The larger, grittier stuff is better than the really fine, powdery sand.”

“Xena, could you check for us?” Loki glanced to the camera.

The paused movie minimized and images of a beach covered in stones popped up. “Is it the Draetan beach sculptures, Loki?”

“Yes, that’s the one.”

“No sand. It’s covered with rocks and pebbles due to the erosion of the pillars and the work done to carve the sculptures.” Xena brought up a number of pictures, both official and ones taken by tourists. “Normally, it’d be busy due to being the prime tourist season, but The Snap has affected everyone universe wide.”

“Not surprised.” Clayton mused and then sighed. “Yeah, alright. Guess I’ll tag along. I’m not really much for art.”

“You’re such a liar, Clayton.”

“Xena…” He looked up at the camera. “…Don’t.”

Xena took the tone of Clayton’s voice as a dare. “Especially since you’ve been known to do drawings.”

Unfortunately, the cat had been let out of the bag and Loki perked up curiously. “I’d be interested in seeing.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” Loki tilted his head, confused on why Clayton refused.

“Because I don’t like sharing it.” It honestly annoyed him that Xena had decided to bring it up. Sometimes, encouraging her to have her own personality could really bite him in the ass.

“Is it beca–“

“I’m not showing you and that’s final. Now fucking drop it.” Clayton lashed his tail to the side in annoyance.

Loki held up his hands, since the movement of Clayton’s tail indicated that further questioning might be dangerous. “Fine, fine.” However, the seed of curiosity had been planted. He simply wouldn’t push the issue, for now. “Are we going to continue with the next movie?”

“Yeah, sure.” Clayton eased himself into the hammock and got himself comfortable while the opening of the movie started. Towards the middle of the movie, he started getting sleepy, but figured he’d be able to last till the end.

When the credits scrolled past the screen, Loki looked over to Clayton in order to ask a question, but found the other man asleep. His earlier curiosity about the artwork surged back to the front of his mind and he slipped into Clayton’s room.

“Normally, I’d alert Clayton, but I suppose your curiosity is my fault.” Xena spoke quietly, causing Loki to jump slightly. “It’s in the closet, on the shelf. You’re looking for something with a printed house on it.”

He walked to the closet and opened the door to start carefully digging through the things. Most everything in the closet happened to be clothes, not that it contained much to start with. After a few moments, Loki found what Xena had mentioned, buried under a blanket. Curiously, he opened the sketchpad. The first few drawings were scenery or still life. He recognized the house on Earth in one of the drawings despite the house being blue instead of green.

Truthfully, Loki couldn’t consider the images bad. Certainly, there were flaws in perspective or anatomy in the few drawings of animals he found, but they weren’t bad. Each had been signed with a name ‘Clayton Barker’ and a year. Oddly enough, starting after 2006, the images stopped only to resume in 2010.

There were very few completed drawings and the ones that had been finished had a much different look. Harsh, hastily drawn lines that left shallow grooves in the paper from a heavy hand. As he continued flipping through the sketchpad, he started finding more and more pages that had simply been ripped out. He flipped past yet another unfinished drawing and stared at the picture that’d been stuck into the sketchpad.

Loki picked up the picture and curiously examined it. In front of a wall with his hands folded in front of himself, stood a nude, human Clayton. The scar on his stomach hadn’t quite lost the pinkness of a freshly healed injury and he wore a solemn expression, one that simply said he’d seen too much. Loki flipped the picture over and read the words written in ink on the back.

_Thanks for helping out with my project. If you want anymore pictures from the photoshoot, let me know. – E_

He tucked the picture back where he’d found it and flipped the page. The next few drawings didn’t have any dates on them and he immediately recognized them as things Clayton had mentioned. Burned bodies and a man whose head had exploded lying on the ground. They’d been made with the same harsh lines as the prior drawings. Loki felt a slight stab of guilt upon realizing how personal the drawings inside the sketchpad were. Now he understood why Clayton hadn’t wanted to show him.

Xena speaking from the living area caused him to hastily shove the sketchpad back under the blanket and toss up an illusion to hide himself. Moments later, a sleepy Clayton shuffled past him and into the bathroom. Loki used this chance to duck out of the bedroom and slip into his own. He heaved a sigh and dropped the illusion. At least he hadn’t been caught. “…Thanks, Xena.”

“I only distracted him because it would have reflected poorly on myself.”

Despite the AI’s reasoning, he felt thankfully for the help. After shutting the door, he sat down on his bed to begin sorting his new books.


	19. Time Doesn't Heal All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lost in Time" - Celldweller

Loki stretched and wrinkled his nose slightly at the slight smell of coffee. Apparently, Clayton had already gotten up, but this didn’t really surprise him. The man seemed to be an early riser regardless of things. Still, the vacation seemed to be doing him a decent amount of good since he appeared to be getting much deserved rest.

After a moment, he headed out of his room and towards the helm since that’s where he’d found Clayton yesterday. Unlike the prior day, the door had been left open. Clayton stood at the helm, his right arm tucked against his stomach, and his left at his side. The fingers of his left hand clutched the still full cup of coffee from the top. Initially, Loki assumed the other man to be enjoying the view. The edges of the window had frost laced around it and a low fog had settled on the ground.

“I thought I felt a chill in the air when I was returning to the ship last night.” Loki mused, but then looked back to Clayton when the man didn’t respond. Slightly annoyed at being ignored, he reached out to touch Clayton’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch him.”

He hesitated and glanced up at the camera. “What? Why?”

“Just leave him alone.”

“Xena, what’s wrong?” While the AI’s voice remained neutral, he still had the sensation that she was concerned.

“It’s safer for you if you leave him alone. If you try to bring him out of it, he might attack.”

“You didn’t answer my question. What’s wrong?” Loki shifted to get a better look at Clayton’s face and frowned at the stare, as if the man had focused on something far away. “Xena, he’s told me a lot of things. The nightmares, the war, his relationships. Just tell me.”

“He sometimes does this after having nightmares, there’s only been two instances of him doing it otherwise. I don’t really know why…I don’t think _he_ knows. He’s always described it as being stuck in a ‘loop’ and doesn’t remember doing anything until he comes out of it. I honestly believe he’s still asleep.”

Loki frowned heavily and resisted the urge to poke Clayton in the side of the head out of curiosity. “Is there anything that can be done to bring him out of it faster?”

“He can be startled out of it, but it always puts him in a bad frame of mind. I would seriously recommend staying in the living area until he comes out of it to prevent him from being startled…It shouldn’t be much longer.”

He stood there, unsure of what to do. Admittedly, Xena would be more familiar with Clayton’s behavior, but at the same time, Loki felt…Concerned. Finally, he nodded and slipped out of the helm to sit at the table. As he waited, he idly fiddled with the bracelet and rolled the beads between his fingers. After a short time, Clayton stepped out of the helm and looked vaguely confused.

Loki hesitated, unsure of what to do or say, but finally sighed quietly. “Do you want a cup of coffee?”

“Uh. I have one.” Clayton held up the cup, but then blinked in surprise when Loki simply plucked it out of his hand.

“It’s cold.” Saying nothing further, Loki dumped out the cold coffee into the sink and started working on making a fresh cup.

“I…Thanks, I guess.” Truthfully, this just made Clayton feel even more confused. “No sugar. I just drink it as is.”

While Loki worked on the cup of coffee, he moved to the fridge to pull out some food. Clayton really didn’t understand the sudden shift in Loki’s behavior and as he sat down at the table, he wondered if the other man had walked in on him at the helm. On one hand, he really did want to know, but on the other, he didn’t want to bring it up in case he happened to be wrong. He never really remembered his trip from his bedroom to the helm and yet…He always had a cup of coffee with him. Sometimes it would be half drank, other times it’d be untouched.

Meanwhile, Loki had some of the same concerns: he didn’t know if he should bring up the issue with Clayton. Finally, he placed the mug next to Clayton and sat down at the table. Xena easily saw the tension between the two and felt exasperated. Know the two men at the table, it would end up ruining what would otherwise be a nice day. “…Oh, for fuck’s sake. Yes, Clayton, he walked in on you void staring. There. Now you two idiots can discuss it.”

Clayton made a quiet, uncomfortable sound. “I didn’t know there was anything to discuss.”

“I…Mostly wondered if there was anything I could do to help.” Loki fidgeted with the bracelet, but didn’t look up at Clayton. “Xena just said not to touch you or try to get you to snap out of it.”

“She wouldn’t be wrong.” He poked at his food and then sighed before looking over at Loki. “Look, I don’t understand it and I mostly just…Wake up confused. Just give me a bit of time for my brain to catch up with my body and I’ll be fine.”

Loki nodded and finally looked over to the other man. “We can stay on the ship, if you wish.”

Clayton rolled his eyes, “Fuckin’ Christ. I’m fine. Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. It would have been the corn on top of a turd sandwich if I’d done it during the whole Thanos bullshit.” He took a tentative sip of his coffee to gauge the temperature. “We can go to the beach…Xena? That was frost on the window, wasn’t it? What’s the temperature outside and the forecast?”

“You’re correct. Overnight, a cold front moved through; higher elevations received a very slight amount of snow. The current outside temperature is 39 Fahrenheit, with a forecasted high of 45. It will remain cloudy until evening, but there’s a slight chance of snow overnight. There is minimal wind, but it’s supposed to pick up slightly towards noon. I would recommend a long sleeve shirt and a coat.”

“When do you want to leave, Loki?” He sent the man a slightly amused look.

“After breakfast, I suppose. Depending on how long we stay at the beach, I’m entertaining the idea of visiting another museum…If you’re fine with remaining on the planet.”

“I don’t really have any plans. I mostly just wanted to pick up some fresh food.” Clayton gestured at the holoscreen. “I’m fine with just binge watching tv shows while you look at old, dusty stuff.”

Once breakfast had been finished, Clayton got up to change into something warmer. When he returned, he’d swapped out his t-shirt for a somewhat oversized, long sleeved shirt. Absently, he pushed the sleeves up slightly so they didn’t cover his knuckles. After a moment, he noticed Loki staring at him. “What?”

Loki made a slight face at the, frankly, sloppy shirt Clayton wore. “You’re a King. You ought to dress like one.”

“Why? I like my clothes. They’re comfortable.” He pulled on a somewhat battered looking coat that had a few spots where it’d been patched up.

“Because your clothes don’t fit. It honestly looks sloppy.” Loki frowned and mentally compared the vast differences in their clothes. Despite being on ‘vacation’, he’d still opted for something nice.

“…That’s the entire point.” Clayton replied with a hint of exasperation as he started for the ladder.

“Why?”

He hesitated on his answer for a moment, but then softly sighed. “So people don’t get…Interested.”

Loki’s mouth snapped shut and he tried to force away the sudden anger he felt, because he knew damn well the cause of Clayton’s answer. While it angered him, it also saddened him at how deeply Clayton had been affected. While he doubted the man would ever admit it, he frankly suspected Clayton feared the idea of getting close to another person. He couldn’t blame him, at all.

“I see. Well, you’re on vacation anyway, so it really doesn’t matter.” Loki presented a pleasing smile in hopes of soothing the other man. “I imagine that since it’s cold, personal comfort is much more important than looks.”

The fact that Loki didn’t push the subject surprised Clayton, but then again…He had shared that bit of bullshit. “Yeah, plus I doubt anyone is really going to be around between the weather and everything that’s happened.”

“Very true. Though, I do have a question.” Loki paused as the loading ramp closed behind them. “Doesn’t your lower half get cold?”

“Yeah, but not as easily. The exoskeleton is a lot less sensitive to temperature changes than my human half. I mean, if I went to planets with extreme temperatures, like some sort of ice planet, then yeah. I’d need a suit of some kind.” Clayton made his way off the landing pad and towards the public shuttle pod so that he could map a route to the beach.

Except for the squawking, flying creatures and the occasional person, the beach was largely deserted. Clayton trailed after Loki while the man made his way to the first sculpture. He didn’t have very much interest, but supposed it’d be healthy for him to get off the ship. Still, he rapidly found himself becoming bored. After a bit longer, he plucked up a handful of smooth, flat stones to try and skip them across the water. It’d been awhile since he’d done so and he had to figure out how to optimally skip the stones since his fingers were longer than a human’s.

Every so often, Loki called him over to look at a sculpture of interest and explained the lore behind it. As it turned out, the sculptures were of mythological figures and admittedly, Clayton found himself a little bit more interested…But not by much.

Exasperated, Loki nudged Clayton’s side with his elbow. “You keep mentioning wanting to introduce culture to the Orussid. Art is a part of culture.  At the very least, you can bring the idea of carving back to them. If they become proficient at it, sculptures could be a good commodity to trade.”

Admittedly, Clayton hadn’t though of this. “You’re right. I know some collectors will drop a bunch of money on artwork.” Then, he laughed. “There’s people on Earth who’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on paintings that are basically just two different colors, all because a certain artist painted it. I guess there’s no reason that similar people wouldn’t exist in the galaxy at large.”

“Exactly. You should come to the museum with me. It might give you more ideas.” Loki commented as he moved towards the next sculpture.

“I’ll think about it.”

Eventually, they reached a large section of rock that had fallen off the cliffs some time ago. The top of the rock had been turned into a sort of look out point and stairs were carved into the side so tourists could make their way up. Loki began climbing up the stairs, but paused when Clayton didn’t follow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Clayton looked up at the wall of rock in front of him, his tail making a quick wiggle. Then, he shot Loki a devil may care grin before jumping up and grabbing an outcropping with his left hand. Despite his short claws, he still had enough purchase to pull himself up and start climbing up the wall. As he climbed, his tail swished back and forth in a bid to help him maintain his balance. Seconds later, he pulled himself up to the top of the rock and disappeared from sight.

Loki stared in sheer surprise at this act and, very briefly, wondered how it would have looked had the other man been shirtless. He shook his head and knocked the thought out of his mind as he walked to the top of the rock. “I wasn’t aware you could do that.”

“Well, I wasn’t aware you could make illusions.” Clayton remarked from where he sat on a bench.

“Admittedly, I purposely hid that ability from you.” Loki sat down next to him and sighed. “I figured it’d be wiser to keep it hidden in case I needed to suddenly escape or defend myself. Admittedly, the whole plan wasn’t well thought out. Thanos…”

“No, I get it. Guy had you freaked out. I wish I could say something inspirational, like they do in the movies or on those dumb motivational posters about how he’s dead and you shouldn’t give a dead man power over you…But that shit don’t work in real like.” Clayton snorted and stretched his legs out in front of him. “Believe me. I know _all_ about dead people and that shit.”

“What happened to you was a great dea–“

“Don’t start with that shit. I don’t play the ‘who has it worse?’ Olympics. You were tortured, I was raped.” Clayton shrugged. Three years ago, he couldn’t say the phrase because he didn’t want to acknowledge it’d happened. At least he’d mostly come to terms with things…Sorta. Alright, maybe not as much as he liked to claim, considering he hadn’t shared his bed with anyone since it happened. “You can’t compare the two and anyone who tries to say one is worse than the other is a _fucking moron_.”

“But it was by someone you trusted.” Loki turned slightly to face Clayton. “I was essentially a prisoner.”

“So? Doesn’t mean that what happened to you should be downplayed. You didn’t exactly walk away unharmed. We both survived something really shitty and it boils down to having to pick up the pieces and learning to deal with the shit hand we were dealt.”

Loki frowned slightly, but finally nodded. Then he looked down at his lap where he picked at a bit of mud on his leg. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Why didn’t you?” Clayton redirected while he gathered his own thoughts.

This caused Loki to press his lips together, but then he shifted away from Clayton a bit. “I thought Thor would think less of me. Father would have called me weak and a disgrace. Mother was the only one who likely would have given a damn.”

“…Kind of the same…To be honest. I’m sure things are bit different out here, but I’m used to Earth.” Clayton shrugged slightly. “Earth has the idea that it can’t happen to men. And…I don’t know. There’s some people that almost...Fetishize it.”

This caused Loki’s head to pop up. “What?”

“Which part of it?”

“All of it!” Loki shifted to look back to Clayton, a shocked expression on his face.

“Ah…Yeah. There’s a massive attitude towards men who’ve been raped.” Clayton scoffed and looked towards the ocean. “I joined a forum for some unrelated thing...Think it had to do with a game I was interested in, I forget to be honest. But the topic came up and some of the replies were just fuckin’ gems. One person acknowledged that it can happen, but said that ‘men should shut up about it because it minimizes the suffering women go through’. S’like…It’s a horrible thing, no matter who you are.”

“…And the other?”

“After I returned stateside and got healed up, I went to the local community college to take a couple business classes. Another vet I met during this luncheon thing suggested the idea of us opening up a self defense studio. Well, during the classes, I made friends with this one woman because we ended up studying together and there were a few group projects. One night, she ended up instant messaging me this story she found and claimed it was ‘great’ and how ‘hot’ it was.” He shook his head. “It was just nothing but…Rape written as porn. I asked her if she’d sent me the right thing and yeah, she had.”

“ _What_?” Loki stared for a long moment. “This…Is an isolated case, yes?”

“I wish. I poked around the site for a while and…It was both very common and extremely well received. I was shocked. Told her not to send me the shit again. She didn’t take it too well.” Clayton shook his head. “Maybe some people write it to recover, I’ve heard of that…But I just can’t stomach the idea of people writing it to get off on it.”

“…You know. I can really understand why you don’t want anything to do with Earth anymore.”

“It’s just a small portion of the population, but it’s enough to really make me question things.” Then, Clayton suddenly laughed and tilted his head back. “Jesus Christ. We really do always talk about depressing shit. We need to stop that.”

“Seems to be a constant with us.” Loki mused, but then stood up. “How about the museum, then?”

“Yeah. Sure. It feels like it’s getting chillier out here instead of warming up.” Clayton pushed himself up to his feet and followed after the other man.

“It might be the wind coming off the ocean.”

The museum proved to be a lot warmer and caused Clayton to shed his coat shortly after entering the building. While he didn’t have much interest in a lot of the art, he still wandered after Loki and politely listened as the other man gushed over the art. He supposed that some of it interested him, most didn’t and he just tended to be bored.

Briefly, they stopped for lunch at the diner which resulted in polite small talk about the art seen thus far…Which ended up being a bit more interesting than the art itself, even if it just happened to be niceties. Finally, after they’d entered a room housing numerous still life paintings, Loki turned to him. “You’re bored, aren’t you?”

“How’d you ever guess?” Clayton asked and didn’t bother to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Loki fiddled with the rented data tablet in his hands.

“I’unno. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, and you mentioned wanting to see Midgardian culture.”

“Yes, but you didn’t need to come with me.”

“…I don’t know. I didn’t feel like it was a good idea to leave you alone after our conversation.” Clayton shrugged slightly. “Besides, not all of the paintings look like technicolor vomit.”

“I’m not sure if I should be amused at the comparison or revolted.” Loki began walking again and glanced over at the other man when he walked beside him.

“Amulted? Revolsed?”

“…What?” He gave Clayton a baffled look, something that seemed to be a near constant.

“…It’s an Earth thing, I guess. When someone presents with two wildly different emotions, it’s a common joke to try and combine the two into a new word. Say for example…Hungry and angry. Hangry.”

“You Midgardians are strange people.” Loki slowly shook his head.

“Yeah, but, that’s part of our charm isn’t it?” He shot the other man a grin.

“That’s debatable.”

The outing ended up taking up most of the day and they only left the museum at closing time. Lazily, Clayton meandered alongside Loki as they made their way back to the landing pad. “Are you still wanting to watch the next two episodes of Star Wars when we get back?”

“I’m not sure about two because of how long the day has been, but I’m certainly interested in watching Attack of the Clones…Though you fell asleep during The Phantom Menace, but I assume you’ve seen the movie before?” Loki glanced over at Clayton.

“Oh, yeah. I’ve seen it plenty of times. If I fall asleep during one of the Star Wars movies, don’t worry about it.” Clayton swiped his hand over the reader to unlock the bay door. “Guess Xena got busy doing stuff.”

Once they were inside, the bay door closed. “Apologies. I was running hypothetical scenarios and became distracted.”

“No worries, Xena.” Clayton climbed up to the upper level and pulled off his coats. “Anything interesting happen while we were gone?”

“No, not really. The latest shipment from New Asgard arrived and left New Elysium, but nothing beyond that.”

He nodded and looked over at Loki. “Alright, well. I’m gonna go take a shower. You can start the movie, if you want.”

“I think I’ll wait till you return and try my hand at making tacos, again.”

This time around, Loki added a bit less to his taco and ended up with less of a mess on his hands. Honestly, tacos were such a strange food, but he found himself curious on what other odd foods existed in the galaxy. Then, he found himself wondering if the Asgardians might be interested in such foods. He knew Thor had been exposed to some of it. Perhaps he could discuss things with his brother at a later time.

When Clayton returned, Loki paused in stirring his tea. “Clayton, I’m curious about what other foods you intend to show me.”

“Hm? Well, there’s beef stroganoff, spaghetti, different pastas, all the different sea foods on Earth, and I really wanna show you pizza. Those last two will probably mean a trip back to Earth, though. I’ve tried a couple times, but I’ve never been able to make a good pizza.”

“I’d ask what a pizza is, but I think you’d be mildly insulted.” Loki lightly teased, prompting the other man to grin slightly.

“You wouldn’t be wrong. Though, I might just disown you if you end up liking pineapple on your pizza.” Clayton quickly put together a sandwich since Loki had eaten the last of the taco meat. When he finished making his food, he flopped down on the couch then stretched out, with his tail lightly curling as he did so. “So, yeah. Let’s watch the next movie. Oh! Before I forget. What did you think about the fight between Darth Maul, Kenobi, and Qui-gon?”

“I enjoyed it. The…Prequel trilogy seems to have a great deal more fighting, so far.”

“Yup. Wait till you see Attack of the Clones.” Then, a shit eating grin formed on his face before he gestured at the holoscreen. “Xena, engage.”

“Wrong fucking show, Clayton.”

“I know it is. And I also know it pisses you off.” Still grinning, he looked over to a blatantly confused Loki. “Don’t worry, I’ll introduce you to Star Trek, too.”


	20. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do Your Thing" - Powerman 5000

Since Loki had grown bored of Dujquet, Clayton gave Xena the order to take off and ‘find something interesting’. Of course, the phrase could be very dangerous since what the AI found interesting and what he found interesting could be two vastly different things. Still, when he got up the next morning and made his way to the helm with his usual cup of coffee, Clayton found himself pleasantly surprised.

Xena lazily drifted in the upper atmosphere of a gas giant. Situated on either side of her were massive, grey clouds that stretched up above her like the walls of a canyon. Bits of plasma occasionally arced between the two sides and sparked white hot as gases in the clouds ignited. Down below churned a dark green gas, bubbling and rolling, as if were an angry ocean. Above the giant spun glittering rings that had been formed from an ancient moon when it’d been violently torn apart by the giant’s gravitational pull.

Clayton sat down in the chair and quietly sipped his coffee for a moment. He recalled being here once before to evade being caught. The planet’s atmosphere wreaked havoc on ship censors and had effectively hidden them. Finally, he stretched his legs out in front of him and got himself comfortable in the chair. “What brought you here?”

“I thought Loki might enjoy the sight. Now, I do have a question: do you have anywhere in mind before I plot another course?”

“I was sorta thinking about heading to Earth for a bit. Maybe swing by Indianapolis for that hole in the wall Chinese place…Assuming they’re still in business. Otherwise, I kinda wanna let him eat some pizza. Figure he might be interested in seeing some of the museums.” He tilted his head slightly as one of the plasma arcs slapped against the shielding causing a brief splash of white-purple energy to spiderweb out.

“I can certainly plot a course.”

“No getting into Twitter fights with Stark.” He commented before taking a healthy sip of his coffee.

“Ugh. Spoil sport. Fine…Though, I do wonder if Vision has a Twitter.”

“Xena, no.”

“Perhaps I could prod the Presi–“

“That’s a low hanging fruit, and you know it.” He made an exasperated noise. “No Twitter fights. Go…I don’t know. Play with the stock markets.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Oh my God. Are you seriously doing a rebellious teen phase?”

Xena simply laughed, but didn’t say anything further. A half moment later, Loki poked his head into the helm. However, his attention swiftly shifted to the sight outside of the front window. “That’s amazing.”

“Isn’t it? Xena thought you’d enjoy it.”

“Thank you, Xena.” However, Loki took a small step back when a plasma arc lashed out close to the ship. “Do those pose a danger?”

“No. They’re infrequent enough that they’re not taxing on my shields. However, if a plasma storm erupted, then yes, they would pose a danger. However, the plasma storms of Xietov-09 are presently in a low activity cycle and are of little risk to a well shielded ship.”

“What’s the next place on the agenda?” Loki shifted his attention to Clayton.

“Earth.” Clayton peered into his coffee cup which had suddenly become depressingly low on coffee. “There’s a Chinese food place that I really like. Figure we can hit up a few museums, too. There’s actually some I’m interested in seeing.”

Loki hesitated. “That might pose a problem. Because of…New York City, a certain sorcerer doesn’t particularly like me.”

Clayton pushed himself up to his feet and headed for the kitchen area. “You indirectly helped with killing Thanos. I’d assume that would put some points to your favor.”

“Well, the last time I met him, I ended up getting stuck in a looped portal where I fell for thirty minutes.” He commented, drily, as he followed the other man with the intent of making something for breakfast. “I would rather not experience a repeat.”

“…Alright. Yeah. That’d suck. I guess we’ll see when we get there…But honestly? I doubt the guy will want to risk potentially pissing off two different civilizations.”

“Perhaps.” Loki made a slight face and began chopping the fruit he’d selected.

“Well, Xena could always see if the Avengers know how to contact him so we could inform him ahead of time.” Clayton glanced up at a camera. “Actually, why don’t you do that when you can?”

“Due to his computer systems, I think Stark would be the best option.”

“…Try not to start another Twitter fight.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

Since they were a few hours out from Earth, Loki opted to take a shower and then returned to his room to read. Clayton, meanwhile, chose to continue binge watching Lost in Space with Xena. It honestly made him miss the bounty hunting lifestyle. Simply…Drifting from place to place till he found a new job. Just doing whatever he wanted and honestly? He didn’t look forward to going back to the daily grind of managing the hive. Sure, the hive still quietly murmured in the back of his mind, but…He missed this lifestyle.

“Clayton? I finished talking to Doctor Strange, the sorcerer Loki mentioned. He wasn’t too thrilled with the notion of Loki being on Earth. However, I brought up your point about the alliance between the Orussid and the Asgardians…As well as your role in the defeat of Thanos. He conceded the point, reluctantly. However, he also stated that if Loki stirs up trouble, that he wouldn’t hesitate to step in. I’ve also informed Loki of this news, so you don’t need to worry about telling him.”

“Well, I mean, that’s fair enough.” He rolled out of the hammock and walked into the helm where the ship orbited Earth. “Well, is the Golden Phoenix still in business?”

“Yes, they are. They’re also open till nine.”

“Find a place to land outside the city…I’m just not sure what to do since it’s the middle of summer...” He frowned, but looked over to Loki when the main stepped into the helm.

“What are you unsure about?”

“My appearance. The whole…Tail thing.” Clayton shrugged. “Normally, I’d wear pants, shoes, and a long coat, but it’s a bit hot for that.”

Loki just gave a slight grin and cast an illusion. “You forgot about my magic.”

“What?” Clayton looked down and gawked. Lightly, he tugged at the ‘jeans’ and felt amazed that the illusioned fabric moved. “…What the fuck. Alright, that’s weird. ‘Cause I can still feel my tail and everything but…Holy shit that’s weird. Useful, but weird.”

“Extremely useful.” Loki agreed. “I can banish the illusion…Unless you’re planning on visiting the restaurant?”

“It’d be a good dinner, I think.” He glanced over to Loki and laughed when he saw the suit the other man suddenly wore. “Yeah, no. You’re gonna stand out like a sore thumb wearing that. Try something a bit more casual.”

“…This is ‘casual’.” Loki frowned.

“Try a t-shirt and jeans.” Clayton remarked as he climbed down to the lower level.

Frankly, Loki hated the idea and mimicked what he’d seen Thor wear during his visits to Earth. “Better?”

“Absolutely. I think you’ll like this place. It’s the best damn Chinese food I’ve ever had.”

Clayton pushed open the door and grinned slightly at the musical chime. Already, he could smell the fried rice being cooked in the back. The Golden Phoenix was one of those ‘hole in the wall’ type restaurants…And happened to be the sort of place that should have been shut down years ago for numerous health code violations, but always managed to get overlooked. As far as he knew, the owners barely spoke English and anytime he’d heard the cooks speaking, they never spoke a single word of English.

He glanced around and laughed. “Aw, they finally got rid of Bobby.”

“Who’s Bobby?” Loki scrutinized the place and found himself dubious about the sanitary practices.

“Oh, that’s what I named the dead cockroach that used to sit in the window.” Clayton held up two fingers to the hostess when she held up the menu.

“…I find myself questioning your sanity for wanting to eat here.”

He slid into the booth and shot Loki a grin when the man sat down across from him. “Nah, man. This is the place you go to when you absolutely wanna tell the world you hate yourself.” He squirmed slightly and shifted onto his hip so that his tail could be against the wall and under the table. “But I’m not gonna steer you wrong. This place has good food.”

Clayton peered at the menu and then smiled at the waitress. “Sprite for me, and sweet tea for him. I’d like an order of fried wontons and beef teriyaki, to start with.” After she left, he looked back to the menu. “I already kinda know what I want, but the big issue is figuring out what you want.”

Loki stared at the names on the menu, baffled. Finally, he sighed. “These names mean nothing to me. I suppose I’ll have to trust you on this one.”

“Hm. I think you might like the ‘Happy Family’.” He pulled Loki’s menu over to him and tucked it under his own.

“The _fuck_ is that.” Loki stared at something on the floor and scooted closer to the wall.

Clayton leaned over and spotted a large, plump roach scuttling across the floor. He shrugged and shifted his attention back to his menu. “Bobby the Second.”

“How…Does that not disgust you?”

“I’m part bug, duh.” He turned the menu over and made a noise of consideration.

Loki just sent the other man a disgusted but horrified look, then wondered how he’d managed to get talked into this insane idea.

When the drinks and appetizers arrived, Clayton split the two orders between them. Then, he looked back to the waitress. “Mongolian beef.” He gestured at Loki, “Happy Family.”

Once she left, he looked to Loki “The wontons,” he indicated them, “are basically just a soft cheese that’s been wrapped in bread and fried.”

Curious, but still feeling dubious, Loki picked one up and carefully took a bit. “This is surprisingly good.” He finished the wonton and picked up the teriyaki beef to sample it. “Is it supposed to be this dry?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure how they cook it, but it’s supposed to be similar to jerky.”

Despite the questionable cleanliness of the restaurant so far, the food didn’t seem too terribly bad. Although, when the main course arrived, Loki found himself questioning his earlier thought. He stared at the bowl of food and prodded it with his fork before he looked up at Clayton, then indicated his food. “What the _fuck_ is in there?”

Clayton barely restrained himself from giggling and picked up his chop sticks in order to indicate the different foods. “Crab meat, jumbo shrimp, beef, chicken, and pork. Then you’ve got mushroom, baby corn, water chestnut, broccoli, and…” He plucked up a food in the chopsticks and popped it in his mouth. “Bamboo shoots, I think. It’s basically heaven in a bowl.”

“…Your idea of heaven looks very sketchy.”

“Just try it? If you don’t like it, I’ll eat it later and I’ll grab you some subway before we head back to Xena.” Clayton started eating his own food, but paused to put a few pieces on a plate for Loki. “Here, try some of mine. It’s spicy though, just to warn you.”

Still feeling uncertain, Loki speared a shrimp and took a tentative bite. The texture and flavor struck him as unusual, but not unpleasant. Feeling curious again, he sampled each of the different foods and found them fairly decent. Although, he didn’t particularly care for the bamboo shoots. Then, he shifted his attention to what Clayton had offered, but took a ginger bite since he’d been warned about the spices. “I actually like this better.”

“Wanna swap then? I like the Happy Family, too.” At the expression of hesitance on Loki’s face, Clayton made an exasperated noise and switched the two plates. “Seriously. I’m not gonna make you eat it if you like mine better.”

Loki blinked a few times, but smiled slightly as he started eating. Though, after a moment, he paused and tried the yellow colored grain. Then, he made a slight face. “Somewhat bland.”

“Did you add soy sauce to it?” When Loki gave him a quizzical look, Clayton rolled his eyes and dumped some soy sauce onto the rice. “Try it now.”

“What’s this food called, anyway?” He sampled the food a second time and found it a great deal more flavorful. Looking up, he gave Clayton a nod and took a few more bites.

“Rice. It’s a very simple food to make and is extremely bland if you don’t add any flavoring to it. That’s why it’s great to cook with. If you like it, I can swing by a Wally World or something and grab a few odds and ends.”

“Yes, I do like it.” Loki shifted his attention to his food, finding it much more interesting than conversation.

Later that evening, once they were back on board Xena, Clayton flopped down on the couch. “Ugh. Nothing like shitty food. I’m pretty sure I knocked like…Five years off my life, but absolutely worth it.”

Xena regarded the two for a moment, pleased that their visit to Earth had gone well, so far. “Clayton, you made mention of visiting a museum. Are there any in particular you’d like to go to?”

“What about the Smithsonian in D.C.? They have frickin’ dinosaurs.”

“What’s a dinosaur?”

Clayton looked over at Loki and sang a song he’d found on Youtube sometime back. While he ended up being somewhat off tune, it just made it all that much better. “Holy fucking shit, it’s a dinosaur! Jesus Christ, what the fuuuuuuuck? Oh, my fucking God, fucking dinosaurs! Holy shit, what the fuuuck?”

“…What?”

“...Xenaaaaa! Jurassic Park!”

Loki just sat there, confused. “I thought we were going to finish the Star Wars prequel trilogy.”

“Nope! You don’t know what dinosaurs are. My childhood is offended and we need to fix this.”

Once more, Loki found himself being talked into something and wondered if it was revenge for forcing Clayton on a vacation. On the other hand, he found the movie enjoyable…Especially when people got eaten. Although, he couldn’t help but be amused when Clayton made a whoop when the raptors showed up.

Xena made a vaguely annoyed noise. “Now he won’t stop imitating Muldoon for the next two weeks.”

Clayton grinned and mimicked the man in question, “Clever girl.”

Loki couldn’t help but grin. “He wouldn’t be wrong.”

The next morning saw Loki excited about visiting the museums, but also somewhat concerned. Due to the events of New York City and other related events, quite a few agencies knew what he looked like and he didn’t know if showing up ‘as is’ would be wise. Of course, he had a very good way of bypassing the issue, but didn’t know how Clayton would really react.

Finally, he sat down across from Clayton. “Xena informed me a number of Earth agencies are aware of my appearance and the Smithsonian museums have heavy surveillance. Would it bother you if I went as a woman?”

Clayton shrugged, “I don’t care.”

“Well, you drew issue the first time, I just thought I‘d ask.”

“No, it’s…” Clayton sighed, not really wanting to stumble through this again. “You caught me off guard, pure and simple. I forgot about when we first met and didn’t expect you to be the delegate. I honestly don’t care now that I know about it. I mean, I’m not gonna claim I understand it, but, I don’t have a problem with it.”

Loki smiled slightly, “Fair enough.”

Truthfully, Clayton found the entire gender swap to be hard to get used to, especially when he’d gotten used to one form or the other. Still, he didn’t want Loki to get in any trouble and he doubted the agencies knew about the shapeshifting. And…Admittedly, Loki looked fairly good as a woman, not that the male form looked bad…But Clayton found the similarities between them to just be odd. He pushed the thought out of his mind; he’d done that song and dance plenty of times. Another round in the saddle just didn’t seem appealing, not with how the last time went.

Since there were multiple museums that Loki wanted to visit, Clayton decided it’d be best to have a several day long visit to D.C. He didn’t oppose the idea of the different museums since most of them were ones he also wanted to see. So, he planned out a loose idea of which museums they could visit each day. Of course, he insisted on seeing the dinosaurs, first. Loki had initially wanted to visit a different one, but had quickly been talked into the idea once she’d seen pictures.

As they meandered through a room with skeletons of ancient fish, Loki finally proposed an idea that had been on her mind since they landed on Earth. “Since we’re here on Earth…You should really visit your mother…Let her know you’re alive and not actually dead.”

Clayton sighed loudly, “You damn well know why I don’t want to.”

“She’s your mother. She’s not going to care.”

“I just…I don’t want to.” He glanced down at his hands. Human only thanks to Loki’s magic. “I don’t know if she’d react well.”

Loki lightly nudged his side. “She’s been under the impression that you’re dead for seven years…Yet she still sends you messages, even though she knows you won’t ever read them again. That alone says plenty, Clayton.”

“You’re going to try to twist my arm into this, aren’t you?” He looked over to Loki who had a mild expression on her face. “…If I go, I want you to do the illusion thing.”

“No.”

He made an exasperated noise, “Why?”

“Because what happens if I’m not around and you need to visit? Then you’ll be faced with her suddenly finding out. The shock of you being alive will likely overrule the shock of your change.” Loki tilted her head to the side to better examine the teeth of a shark.

“Then I’m not going to let her know I’m alive.”

“So, what happens when her e-mails suddenly stop?” She looked to Clayton. “She won’t live forever.”

Clayton pressed his lips together tightly and glared, but he knew Loki had a point…As much as he hated it. “…Fuckin’ fine. But you’re coming with me.”

Now Loki had the glare. “No. This is a matter you need to handle by yourself.”

“Nuh-uh. You’re the one insisting that I go. You’re coming with me, or I don’t go.”

 This ultimatum prompted a dramatic sigh from Loki, but finally she nodded. “Very well. We can leave when we finish with this museum.”

“Wait wait wait. Hold the phone. I thought you meant _after_ we visited all the museums.” Clayton stared at her with a vaguely horrified expression.

“And give you a chance to change your mind and back out? Hardly.”

“Fuckin’ great.” He scowled and quietly sulked during the rest of the museum visit. The sulking turned into a low, churning anxiety when they returned to the ship and he found himself pacing. There were so many things that could go wrong, and his mind had already shifted to the worst case scenarios.

Loki, back as a man now that they were out of the public eye, couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I suppose it’s a good thing I’m going with you, since I think you’d probably just bolt.”

“You’d…Probably be right.” He reluctantly agreed, but for fuck’s sake. After seven years, he was about to waltz up to his childhood home and essentially go ‘hey mom, I ain’t actually dead’. Clayton had no idea how it’d go and it only served to make his anxiety worse.

Xena settled herself in some empty pasture half a mile away and brought up the cloak in order to hide herself from any curious passerbys. While he knew the walk would be short, Clayton also knew it’d give him plenty of time to think about how this could go absolutely wrong. Sure, he had vague moral support in the form of Loki, but it did nothing to stop his tail from twisting around from stress.

He stepped onto the porch and stared at the closed door; likely the AC had been turned on due to the late summer heat. Finally, he opened the screen door and knocked on the inner door. Clayton took a step back and chewed on the inside of his cheek as he waited. From inside the house a woman faintly yelled, “Coming!”

Loki took a few steps back so he wouldn’t get in the way. Already, he knew there’d be questions about how similar Clayton and him looked…But he honestly wanted the initial bit of the meeting to go well and with minimal interference on his part.  He opened his mouth to say something reassuring to Clayton, but quickly closed it when the door opened.

Clayton briefly glanced towards an angrily cackling chicken, but then looked back to the door when it opened. Slowly, an older woman stepped out onto the porch a look of shock and disbelief on her face. She looked up at the man in front of her, one she hadn’t seen in nearly eight years…The one whose gravestone marked an empty casket. Each month, she’d sent him an e-mail despite knowing that the e-mail address belonged to a dead man. Yet, she’d held onto the faint hope that he hadn’t actually died. They never found a body, after all.

Finally, she held her hand up to her mouth and tried to blink away the tears. So many questions pushed their way to the front of her mind, but she could only stare. He hadn’t died.

The man in front of her finally spoke, quietly, “Hi, mom.”


	21. Cornbread and Tea Towels of Doom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Exile Vilify" - The National

Clayton stood there, unsure of what he should do…At least until his mom suddenly hugged him. He hesitated a moment before returning the hug; his mind still churned with concern and jumbled emotions. When she finally pulled away, she gently held his hands and looked down at them with a sad expression as she gently ran her thumbs over his knuckles.

“Is this why you…” She shook her head and looked back up at him, her chin trembling as she tried not to cry.

“Yeah. I…Didn’t know what to do.” He shrugged slightly and looked away.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you…I just thought you hadn’t…I thought you were _safe_.” She released his hands and wiped at her eyes. “How much do you know?”

Slowly, Clayton’s tail twisted. “I know you’re from Xandar and how you found the eggs.” He finally looked back to her and tried to keep the anger out of his voice. “Did Dad know?”

As much as he tried, she still saw the anger in his eyes. She sighed, closed her eyes, and nodded. “Yes. I only told him after the first miscarriage. I didn’t know what had happened to me until then…When…You came out normal I…I thought you were lucky and I didn’t know anything would happen to you.”

“Well, it did and…” He abruptly shut up when Loki touched his shoulder, then he let out a harsh sigh and turned away slightly in order to calm himself down.

She finally took notice of the man standing next to Clayton and did a double take at how similar he looked. “Well, I definitely didn’t have twins.” A half second passed before she offered a faint smile. “Where are my manners? I’m Sarah, and you are?”

“Loki.” He lightly canted his head in greeting.

Sarah nodded slightly and chewed on her lower lip for a moment. “Well, come on in. It’s better than standing out here being dinner for the skeeters.” She held open the screen door for the two men. “Especially since there’s a lot to talk about.”

After Clayton closed the door behind him, he watched his mom walk towards the kitchen. He figured she needed to gather her thoughts, and honestly? He needed to do the same. When he stepped into the kitchen, he immediately had a glass of ice water shoved in his hand.

“Clayton, Loki, jeet?” She glanced towards them from the kitchen island.

“Ah, no, not yet.” Clayton replied and slowly shifted his weight. “You don’t have to cook anything. We won’t stay long.”

Despite being teary eyed still, Sarah gave her son a stern look. “Clayton, you’ve been missing for nearly eight years. I’m not about to let you do a stop ‘n go without finding out what you’ve been up to all these years. No excuses, either. Now. How does baked potatoes sound?”

Clayton snapped his mouth shut and then made an exasperated sigh as he took a seat at the table. “Fine…”

Loki glanced between the two before focusing back on Clayton. “…I like her. She calls you out on your shit better than Xena.”

Rather than replying, Clayton kept a very neutral face. Despite having not living under his mother’s rules for over ten years, he still remembered her stance regarding cursing quite well. Instead of responding to Loki, he watched her spin the hand towel she’d just dried her hands on into a rope. Then, like some lioness on the Serengeti, she stalked up behind Loki. The Asgardian never knew what hit him till he yelped from a sudden sting on his lower back when she snapped the hand towel at him.

This time, she gave Loki the stern look. “There will be no cursing in my house.”

Wide eyed, Loki looked very much like the bewildered child who’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He looked over to Clayton and pointed at her. “Did she just…?”

“Tea Towel of Doom? Yup.”

Sarah returned to the sink and began working on the potatoes. “Loki, what do you like on your baked potato?”

“Er.” Loki glanced over to Clayton, unsure.

“He’s…Not from Earth, Mom.” At the look he received, Clayton sighed. “It’s a very long story.”

“Well, it’s still early in the evening.” She wrapped the potatoes in aluminum foil. “I just want to know what you’ve been doing all these years.”

Clayton ran his fingers through his hair and lightly swished his tail. “Trust me, it’s a lot. Can I just give you the highlights?”

“Are you going to make this difficult like you usually do?” She glanced to Loki. “Is he this bad with you?”

“…Incredibly so. I’m still certain he doesn’t have any favorite drinks besides coffee, despite knowing him for several months.” Loki finally took a seat at the table.

“Guys…I’m right here, you know.”

“Well, Clayton, I _could_ simply ask Loki.” Sarah gave him a look before putting the potatoes into the oven and setting a timer on the microwave.

Finally, Clayton tilted his head back and made a somewhat dramatic groan. “Mooooom! You really wouldn’t approve and I don’t wanna have to duck the tea towel.”

“If you know about the eggs, then you know I wasn’t exactly the prime example of being law abiding during that part of my life.” She sat down at the table and sighed softly. “Please? I’m just happy you’re alive. I…I thought all these years that they just never found your body. It was horrible burying an empty casket.”

Clayton looked away from her and fiddled with the communicator on his wrist. He didn’t want to be here and face everything he’d tried to run from. Already, he knew that so many things were going to be brought out into the open and he hated the idea, especially since Loki sat a few feet away from him.

“Clayton…We thought you killed yourself. No one really talked about it but…It’s what we all thought. I’m happy to be proven wrong, but…You pulled away from everything after you came home. No one knew who you were anymore. You wouldn’t talk about _anything_ and I don’t want that to happen again. Just talk to me, please.”

“I’m not talking about the fucking war!” Clayton snapped and slammed his open hand down on the table hard enough to cause things to rattle.

Sarah leaned back in surprise at the sudden outburst. “I’m not asking about that. I’m asking about since you’ve been gone. You said Loki isn’t from Earth.”

Loki sat there, eyes flicking between Clayton and Sarah. He could feel the mess of emotions rolling off of Clayton and he’d started to wonder if this had been a good idea. There were clearly a lot of unspoken issues that had suddenly been brought out into the open. Unfortunately, he suspected things had only just started and he worried his insistence would ruin what he’d worked for in regards to Clayton trusting him.

“He’s from Asgard. You’ve seen Thor on tv, right? Loki’s his brother.”

Normally, Loki hated only being known as ‘Thor’s brother’ and would often make some snarky quip, but in this instance, he said nothing. Things were already heated and he had no desire to fan the flames.

“That’s nice, but I’m asking about you.” She wore a tired expression and already knew the conversation would end up being similar to past arguments.

“I changed into a buggy fuck, wrecked the car to fake my death, fucked around the States for a while, got abducted by space pirates, killed them, fucked around the galaxy for a while, became a bounty hunter, fucked around the galaxy some more, found more of the bug eggs, they hatched, and now I’m their goddamned king. Oh, and then the bullshit with Thanos happened, which is where I met Loki. So, I fucked around the galaxy _even more_ , kicked Thanos’ ass, and now it’s back to business as usual. There. Happy?”

Sarah rubbed her forehead and sighed. “Why do you always have to be like this, Clayton?”

“Because you never listened, _Mom_. You and Dad, both.” Clayton scoffed and shook his head. “Anytime I came to you guys with a problem it got dismissed or ignored. Christ. Remember when I was like…Seven and I complained to you guys that everything in my books was jumbled? Pretty sure I complained about that several times while I grew up. But nah. According to you two? I had perfect vision so there wasn’t anything wrong.”

“Clayton…”

“Don’t Clayton me. Christ…School was _hell_ for me. I dreaded when I had to read stuff out loud in class because I’d always fuck it up and it gave the other kids another damn thing to pick on me for.” He barked out a laugh. “Tried tell you guys about that, too. ‘Oh, well, kids will be kids, Clayton’. Y’know. I finally did figure out what was wrong with me. Turns out I wasn’t as stupid as I thought I was…Or maybe I am. That’s still up for debate. Dyslexic. Who woulda thunk it?”

She bit her lip slightly, “Clayton, listen…”

“No, you listen to me…If you’re even capable. It honestly just makes sense now. You and Dad were so wrapped up in the idea of me being normal that you just…Ignored when things weren’t. Y’know. Sometimes I wish it woulda been me who got shot in the head instead of Eddy. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with this absolute bullshit.” Clayton shoved himself up to his feet and stalked towards the back door. “It was a fucking mistake coming back here.”

Loki flinched at both the sound of the door slamming shut and the sensation of anger that came from Clayton. Then, he looked to Sarah who had covered her eyes with one hand and started crying. Clearly, this had been a massive mistake. Uncomfortably, he sat there a moment before he finally spoke, softly. “I’m…Sorry. I shouldn’t have talked him into this.”

She brushed away more tears and gave Loki a sad smile. “At least I know he’s not dead. It’s…You just stirred up a lot of past issues, unintentionally.” Sarah sighed and picked up a paper towel to blow her nose. “He’s not wrong, though. That’s the worst thing about it. I’ve spent all these years reflecting and wishing I could do things different…But there isn’t much I can do if he’s not willing to listen.”

“If I’d known the issues it’d caused, I wouldn’t have insisted. He’s always spoke fondly of you and I didn’t realize there were problems.” Loki frowned and looked down at his hands where he saw the glint of his bracelet’s metal clasp.

After a moment, he fiddled with the bracelet, but looked up when Sarah gently touched it. She lightly turned a bead to examine the carved designs. “That’s interesting looking. Where did you get it?”

“Clayton bought it for me when we were on Dujquet a couple says ago.” He absently tugged his sleeve down to cover the bracelet.

“I don’t mean to pry, but maternal concern being what it is…Are you two…” She vaguely gestured at Loki. “Together?”

“Ah…No. Acquaintances. The Orussid, that’s the race Clayton is part of now, and Asgardians have a poor history. Since a large part of Asgard’s people were killed, we’ve entered an alliance with the Orussid in hopes of fostering relations. Part of the alliance was an exchange of delegates.” He gestured at himself. “I was the Asgardian delegate.”

Sarah gave Loki a small, amused smile. “Maybe…But Clayton doesn’t give gifts to just ‘acquaintances’.” She leaned forward slightly and her smile turned knowing. “He might not say it, but you have some importance to him.”

A surprised look formed on his face, “No, he hasn’t said anything.”

“I’m not really surprised. Clayton’s never been good with relationships.” She sighed and tossed the paper towel back onto the table. “He had a lot of girlfriends as a teenager, but always broke up with them fairly quickly. It made me wonder if he wasn’t gay, but I never pushed the topic. The south isn’t the most welcoming to ‘alternative lifestyles’. That and Sean’s family are all idiotic bigots. I just hope he’ll find someone that makes him happy.”

Loki looked down at the table for a moment, but didn’t comment on where Clayton’s interests laid. He had surmised that the man had an interest in both sexes, but the disinterest in sex had always caused issues. Likely, the relationships during his teens hadn’t been much different. “I should go find him and make sure he’s alright.”

“He’s fine. Clayton didn’t go far, he never does when he gets mad. He just stomps off so he can try and think things through. He’s always been a thinker and I doubt that’ll ever change. I’d be willing to be money that he’s sitting under the old apple tree by the barn…That’s where he’s always gone when he’s angry. Just give him a few more minutes to calm down.” Sarah got to her feet and briefly checked the time on the microwave before putting together a quick ham sandwich, then cutting it in two. After wrapping it, she set it next to Loki. “Peace offering for you to take with you. Don’t bring up what happened unless you want to rile him up again.”

He slowly stood up and picked up the sandwich. “I suppose you wouldn’t have any other advice?”

“Of course, I would. He’s my son. This isn’t the first time he’s ran off to sulk.” She sighed and leaned forward to rest her lower arms on the counter of the kitchen island. “Best thing to do is to distract him with a completely different topic when he’s angry. You want a good topic? Ask him to show you Skipper and then ask how he got his name. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

Loki gave a slight smile at the knowing look Sarah had. He turned and walked outside then glanced around for the barn. Upon spotting it, he made his way over and ignored the angry cackling of the chickens as they ran from him. Sure enough, Clayton sat under the apple tree, angrily stabbing at the dirt with the blade of his tail. Loki unceremoniously sat down beside him and offered half of the sandwich.

Clayton glanced over at him and eyed the sandwich for a moment before taking half of it. “I’m guessing Mom made it and sent you out?”

“Absolutely not. I used the finest Asgardian magic to create your heart’s desire…Which was apparently this sandwich.”

“Some fireball whiskey would have been good.” He sighed and took a bite of the sandwich.

“I have no idea what that is.” Loki glanced at his half of the sandwich and also took a bite. “But I suppose it’s not much of a surprise. I know very little about Earth and what it has to offer.”

“It’s an alcoholic drink.”

“I’ll have to try it some time.” He mused and then wondered how to nudge into the topic of Skipper. “You…Mentioned having a horse, correct? Skipper I think his name was?”

Clayton finished off his sandwich, but made an affirmative noise as he did so. “Yeah. He’s usually in with the cows for company.”

“I’ve never seen a Midgardian horse and I’m curious as to how they differ from Asgardian stock. Do you mind showing him to me?”

He blinked a few times at the request and quietly wondered if his Mom hadn’t suggested something to Loki. On the other hand, he didn’t want to say anything incase Loki actually was just curious. “Yeah. Sure. I don’t know if he’ll want to come over to me, though. I probably smell all weird, now.” Clayton climbed to his feet and started for the gate. “This way.”

Loki followed alongside him, but remained quiet. He really didn’t know what to say, and figured Sarah had been correct: bringing up the earlier incident would likely just rekindle Clayton’s anger. When they reached the top of a small hill, a handful of cattle lazed under a cluster of shade trees. Among them stood a red and white, painted horse.

Suddenly, Clayton sharply whistled. “Skipper! Get over here, you lazy butt!”

After a moment of staring at them, the horse slowly dragged his way over and seemed to be in no particular hurry to reach them. When he finally stopped in from of them, he snorted in Clayton’s face and then immediately started frisking both men for treats. Clayton cracked a smile and lightly scratched the beast’s neck. “Been seven years and you’re still a fucking beggar.”

Loki smiled when the horse investigated his hands. “Hello, there.” Briefly, it made him wonder about Sleipnir. Likely, the eight-legged horse hadn’t survived the destruction of Asgard, but there had been little he could have done about the matter. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a small stab of loss. “He’s handsome.”

“He’d look better if he was cleaned up.” Clayton fussed with Skipper’s mane and tried to gently tug out a twig that’d gotten tangled into it.

“How did he get his name?” Gently, Loki rubbed Skipper’s forehead and smiled when the horse started using him as rub post.

“Funny story, actually. When he was a yearling, he was all legs. And anytime he tried to trot, he did this dumb little skip-run. So, the name stuck. I registered him too, even though he’d been cut. A bit of money waste since he can’t be bred, but figured I could show him in association shows. I ended up registering him as ‘Skip to My Heart’.” Clayton pushed Skipper’s hindquarters closer to Loki before lazing his upper half over the horse’s back and pointing at a heart shaped marking on the equine’s flank. “Cause of that marking there. Plus, his dam’s name was…Elma’s Loony Heart, I think.”

Loki furrowed his brows slightly. “I don’t exactly understand what you mean by registering him.”

“Oh! Well, Earth has a bunch of different horse breeds and so there’s a lot of different associations where you can register your horse. Basically, it helps people trace where their horse came from and helps ensure the horse is what you claim it is, especially with breeding stock. A lot of the associations will have shows where you can compete your horse against other people in the association. You can win some decent money from them.” Clayton paused to pick a tick off of Skipper. “This loveable doof is what’s called an ‘American Paint Horse’. Technically, he ought to be a registered Quarter Horse, but he ended up being a crop out ‘cause he had too much white on him.”

“So…Because he was the wrong color, the other association wouldn’t accept him?” Loki didn’t know if he’d understood Clayton right.

“Bingo. It’s pretty dumb, but a lot of associations are fucking anal when it comes to registration…I mean, I get it because there’s a lot of super shady people…But I’unno. Seems dumb since he DNA’d back to his parents and everything.” At Loki’s further confused expression, Clayton quietly laughed. “A lot of associations require the sire and dam to have their DNA on file, and then when you register the foal, you have it DNA tested to make sure you’re registering the right foal. ‘Cause there’s always some wankstain that’s gonna try and pass off some mutt foal as the kid of some high dollar stud.”

Loki stood there, absolutely bemused at how Clayton had simply rattled on and on. He acted as if the earlier bout of anger hadn’t happened and actually looked happy. “How does a stud become ‘high dollar’?”

“Showing, mostly. If a stallion does well in shows and ends up going to big name events, it bumps up the worth of his foals and his owners can ask for a higher breeding fee. There’s a lot of big name stallions that breeders will look out for in a pedigree. It doesn’t always mean the horse will do well, but it looks nice when you’re advertising him.” Clayton stood up and started scratching under Skipper’s chest, prompting the horse to tilt his head to the side and curl his upper lip up. “I’ve missed this goof.”

“The whole concept of associations and registries sounds needlessly complicated.”

“It really is. It’s even worse when you’re 15 and you’re trying to dig through the association bylaws.” Clayton shook his head slightly. “I…Guess we should head back. Potatoes are probably done.”

He didn’t miss the wary look Clayton sent towards the house. “I’m sorry. If I’d known there were issues…” Loki sighed and shook his head slightly. “I wouldn’t have insisted.”

“You didn’t know. I think it’s pretty established that I don’t like talking about myself.” He looked down. “I think it’s how Mom just sort of stressed that I was born ‘normal’ that set me off.”

“You…Should listen to what she has to say. She’s had years to think over your relationship.” Rather than bringing up what Sarah had said, Loki chose to approach it from a different angle. “I know I have, with my own mother. I’ve thought of so many instances where I’d say or do something differently, but I’ll never have the chance. She’s very likely done the same thing.”

“I know…It’s just…” Clayton sighed loudly and watched Skipper wander off to graze. “I don’t know. It’s just a lot going on and I don’t know what to do.”

Loki gave the other man a slight smile. “Eating dinner and letting your mother explain might not be a bad idea.”

Clayton looked back towards the house where the backporch light had been flipped on. The evening light had slowly shifted to dusk, and it’d likely be dark by the time they reached the house. Already, he heard the singing of the last cicadas of summer and distantly, a quick ‘whip-or-will!’ rang out in the pre-night silence. As much as he tried to deny it, he’d missed the small little things of his childhood home. “Dinner, yeah, but listening to her explain is debatable.”

He slowly opened the back door and stepped into the kitchen. Immediately, he couldn’t help but crack a smile at the smell of cornbread baking in the oven. “Decided that baked potatoes weren’t enough?”

Sarah looked over at the two men and didn’t bother to hide the smile of relief. “Since Loki isn’t from Earth, I figured I’d cook something extra for him to try.” She peered into the oven and pulled out the pan of cornbread. “Clayton, can you get the butter and honey?”

Clayton snagged the requested items and set them on the table before getting himself a glass of water. After he sat down, his tail slowly twisted behind him since he really didn’t know what to expect. Loki stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment before also sitting down. He didn’t know what to do or say, and honestly, the other two seemed to feel much the same way.

After Sarah had delivered the food, she sat down and began dishing herself up, but paused when Clayton hadn’t started. “What’s wrong?”

“No Grace?” He gave her a quizzical look.

“I haven’t done that since your dad died. It was really his thing.” She quirked a slight smile. “Unless you want to?”

Clayton shook his head and pulled a slice of cornbread out of the pan. Loki glanced between the two, “What’s ‘grace’?”

“Bullshit.” Clayton immediately supplied.

“Clayton! Language.” Sarah scolded before looking to Loki. “It’s part of one of the major religions in these parts. It’s common to say Grace before meals…It’s mostly just thanking God for the food and anything else that might be important.”

“What’s this god’s name?” Loki asked as he examined his food and tried to figure out the cornbread.

Sarah laughed, “It depends on which religion you’re asking. There’s several that follows the same one. Around here, though, it’s just ‘God’.” Then, she reached over and gently pulled the small plate that had the slice of cornbread. “Here, Honey, let me show you.”

Somewhat baffled, Loki watched her slice the bread in half, then open it up before she began putting the butter and honey on it. When she finished, she slid plate back over to him. “I left the top plain, and split the bottom between butter and butter and honey since you’ve never had it before.”

He glanced towards Clayton for a brief moment, but the other man had done much the same thing with his own cornbread. Looking back to Sarah, Loki murmured his thanks and took a careful bite of the cornbread. Despite being moist and tender, the bread had greedily absorbed the butter and honey, resulting in a combination of flavors he found delightful.

Sarah gave him a pleased and somewhat knowing look before she shifted her attention back onto her own food. “Since you mentioned wandering around the galaxy, Clayton, I assume you have your own ship?”

“…Sorta? Xena mostly pilots it.” Clayton commented in between bites of his food.

She glanced over at him and briefly wondered if he’d finally found someone. “Who’s Xena?”

“She’s the AI that came with it. You’ve heard of Alvarian Shipyards?” When his Mom nodded, he continued. “They came up with an evolving AI system and…It really didn’t work out too well. The whole line got recalled and scrapped since they turned on their owners.”

Sarah frowned heavily, “Please tell me you didn’t remove the restraints.” The devil may care grin she received told her that Clayton, had in fact, removed the restraints. “How long have you had it?”

“Her. We’ve been partners for about three years now.” He shoveled more food into his mouth. “She managed the business side of things when I was a bounty hunter. Found me work, wrote up the contracts, that sort of thing.”

“You _are_ aware of how dangerous that is, Clayton?”

“Uhhuh. She’s perfectly chill. Bit of a troublemaker sometimes, but she’s fine.” Clayton opened his mouth to say more, but abruptly shut it when Loki spoke.

“Many of the concerns about unrestrained AIs are unfounded. She’s very pleasant to be around and frequently keeps an eye on Clayton to insure he’s taking care of himself.” Loki looked up and noted the slight glare from Clayton. Since Sarah’s attention remained on her food, he raised his eyebrows slightly and shrugged.

“I see. Well, that’s good. I assume Clayton’s habit of diving into something and not coming up for air hasn’t changed?” She looked to Loki.

“It hasn’t, which is why Xena is so helpful.”

She considered this for a moment, but finally nodded. “I suppose that they’ve made advances with AIs since I’ve been around them.”

“…You could say that.” Clayton finally cleaned his plate and stood up to put them in the sink.

Sarah plucked up Loki’s plate, added it to her own, and put the combined plates on top of Clayton’s. “You’re doing the dishes.”

“Me? Why? I’m a guest. If I have to do them, then Loki can help.”

“He’s more of a guest since _you_ used to live here. Don’t argue with me.” She pulled her cup of tea closer.

Clayton, in fact, decided to argue the point. “He’s also new to Earth and doesn’t know how to use a dishwasher. It’d be a good learning point.”

“No, no. I’m fine with being the guest.”

Sarah pointed at the sink and snapped her fingers. “Clayton. Dishes.”

This caused Clayton to tilt his head back and make an overly dramatic groan as he shuffled to the sink. Quietly, he grumbled to himself and swished his tail around in annoyance as he started working on putting things into the dishwasher.

“And don’t forget to scrub the cheese off. You know the hot water bakes it on.”

Clayton briefly paused and rolled his eyes in exasperation before snatching up the scrub brush. At least there weren’t very many dishes and he figured he’d get things finished up pretty quickly. It still kind of annoyed him, though.

“I’m going to go shut the henhouse door.” She pushed herself up to her feet and grabbed a flashlight before stepping out the backdoor.

Loki meandered over to Clayton and leaned against the counter. “You look very kingly doing the dishes, Clayton.” He shot the other man a shit eating smirk and lightly gestured at a bit of cheese still on the plate in Clayton’s hand. “…Don’t forget to scrub the cheese off.”

Clayton regarded Loki for a moment and simply turned to put the plate into the dishwasher, but yanked the hand towel off the hanger attached to the cabinet door. As he stood, he spun the hand towel to make it into a rope and gave the other man a deadpan look, even as Loki slowly eased back away from him. Then, he suddenly snapped the hand towel at the Asgardian prince.

“There’s no need for that…” Loki started but made a sudden choked squeak when the tip of the hand towel hit its target between his legs. He grabbed himself in pain and leaned against the counter again in an attempt to remain upright. Then, he gasped out, “You fucking _asshole_.”

“…Hail to the King, bitch.”

Sulking, Loki slinked back to the table and sat down. When Sarah returned, she noted the smug expression of Clayton’s face and how Loki blatantly sulked. “Do I even want to know?”

“He used the tea towel.” Loki made damn sure to have an edge of a hurt whine in his voice.

“Because you were being annoying and tried to micromanage me doing the dishes when _you_ don’t have any experience.” Clayton used his tail to flick shut the dishwasher door before he turned it on.

She just slowly shook her head. “Will you two be staying the night?”

Clayton hesitated a moment, but finally sighed when he glanced at Loki. “Yeah, I’ll just need to let Xena know.”

“I’ll go get the guest bedroom set up, then.” Sarah set the flashlight back on the table and left the kitchen to go upstairs.

Loki made a quiet noise and finally sighed as he looked over to Clayton. “I have a question.” He started carefully. “What’s ‘dyslexic’ mean?”

Clayton glanced away and sighed before he looked back to Loki. “It basically means that my brain is dumb and jumbles certain letters together, usually capitals or letters that look similar. Lower case p, q, o, and a are all pretty bad for me. I’m fine if it’s just a sentence, but paragraphs are a pain.”

“I see.” Honestly, this made Loki a bit sad, considering his own love of reading. “And no one helped you?”

“I didn’t bring it up.” He glanced down at his hands a moment before looking back to Loki. “Come on. I wanna show you some stuff.”

Without waiting for the other man to reply, Clayton headed out of the kitchen and upstairs. There, he walked down the hall and paused at a door. “That’s the bathroom over there.” He pointed at a different door before opening the one he stood next to. The room had a thin layer of dust in places, but seemed clean enough. Adorning the book shelves were various different knick-knacks. A few figurines from games or movies, maybe an interesting looking rock or three. A poster with the Imperial symbol and the words ‘Join the Empire today! Darth Vader commands it!’ hung over the bed. He walked to the book shelf and started searching it. “Ugh. Where are they?”

Loki slowly looked around the room and immediately recognized it as Clayton’s. When he turned around to ask the other man a question, he suddenly found four paperback books being shoved into his arms. “Clayton, just because you have trou–“

“Take ‘em.” Clayton shoved the books at him again. “Take ‘em. Take ‘em. Take ‘em or I swear to God I’ll smack you with the tea towel again.”

Reluctantly, Loki took them, but didn’t examine them just yet. “Surely, you don’t need to get rid of your books because you can’t read them.”

“Pft. I can read just fine. I found a type face a while ago for my tablet and laptop that makes it easy for me to read. Paper books are just a pain because of my fingers.”

“Loki?” Sarah poked her head into the room. “Let me show you the guest bedroom.”

Loki followed after her, still holding the books and stood there in the guest bedroom while she showed him where all the extra blankets and pillows were at. Once she left, he finally examined the books in his arms. All of them were by the same author: J. R. R. Tolkien.

“The Hobbit, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King.” He murmured to himself as he further examined them.

Clayton poked his head into the room with a slight grin. “Start with The Hobbit.”

“Ah, alright.” He sat down on the bed and opened the book to skim the first page of the book. _In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit…_


	22. Southern Living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Long, Long Way From Home" - Foreigner

Loki hadn’t quite expected himself to become lost in the pages of a Midgardian book, but sure enough, it happened. His scanning of the first page prompted him to curiously turn the page to the second, and then the third and fourth. Then he found himself at the end of the first chapter. He kicked off his boots and rolled onto his back to continue reading.

Several hours later, his adventure through Middle Earth with Bilbo Baggins, Gandalf, and the others came to a halt at the faint sound of floorboards creaking. He blinked a few times, surprised at how late it’d become. He tucked a bit of scrap paper to mark his page before getting up to carefully peak out the door.

The hallway lights had been turned off some time ago and he saw the brief shadow of a bladed tail swish around the corner. For anyone else, it would have been concerning since it looked to be the setup of some horror story. Instead, he slipped out of the room and followed Clayton downstairs, then carefully stepped out onto the front porch where the other man leaned against the porch railing. “Clayton?”

Clayton looked over at the door as Loki stepped outside. “Did I wake you up? House has a few more creaky boards than what I remember.”

“No, I was reading.” He moved to stand next to Clayton. The sound of the native wildlife sang loudly in the quiet of the fading night and while capable of distinguishing if something were a bird or an insect, he remained largely unfamiliar with the calls. “Thank you for the books. The Hobbit is very interesting and I look forward to the other three.”

“S’good. My Dad got them for me back when it was announced that they were making the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. He insisted that I read the books before we saw the movies.” Clayton quietly laughed and flicked a beetle off the porch railing. “He loved books and movies…Probably what got me into it.”

“Are you really sure you want to give me the books? Surely they have sentimental value for you.” Some of Loki’s most treasured items had been books he’d been given and he hated the idea of Clayton giving them up if they meant something to him.

“Positive. I can’t really read paper books anymore because my skin doesn’t work very well for turning the pages. Since you’re a nerd about reading, figured I’d give them to you. I think Dad woulda been thrilled at the idea of someone getting into Lord of the Rings. It was his favorite book series outside the Xanth series. I think you two would have gotten along. You would have been able to mention Asgard and he woulda sat there listening to you for hours.”

Clayton fell silent at the thought of his Dad. Initially, he’d felt guilt for faking his death and disappearing since he hadn’t been able to spend those final few years around the man. On the other hand, he knew he hadn’t been likely to spend much time around his Dad, anyway. After moving to Chicago, he had only driven down two or three times a year for the holidays.

Then, he’d gotten an e-mail out of the blue from his Mom telling him about his Dad’s death and subsequent funeral. While sudden, the heart attack had apparently been quick. According the Mom, the doctors claimed he’d been dead before he hit the ground. Finally, he looked over to Loki for a moment. “Are you hot wearing that?”

Loki slowly nodded but then looked down at the clothes he wore. They were of the usual Asgardianesque fare and honestly, for a much cooler clime which left him feeling unpleasantly overheated. “Yes, I’ll manage, however.”

“Boy, you dumb as fuck.”

Startled somewhat, Loki looked over to Clayton. “Beg pardon?”

“You’re wearing black leather, in summer, in Georgia. You’re gonna fuckin’ _die_. The only way you’d be dumber is if you were wearing that during the spring.” Clayton shook his head and briefly tugged Loki’s arm before heading back inside.

Feeling vaguely annoyed, Loki followed him to his room where Clayton begun digging around to finally produce a blue t-shirt and a pair of knee length, tan cargo shorts. “Mom and Dad apparently cleaned out my house after my supposed death and put most of my stuff up in the attic. I don’t know if the shorts will fit you since I was shorter…But I was also kinda stocky pre-change.”

Still annoyed, Loki took the clothes and returned to the guest bedroom to change into them. Reluctantly, he had to admit that he felt a great deal cooler with the clothes, though he felt somewhat exposed with the scars on his hand visible; he’d become accustomed to his gloves hiding them. He returned to Clayton’s room and the man simply grinned at him. Loki sighed, slightly dramatically. “Yes, yes. You’re right.”

“Seriously. You’ll thank me. It’s really easy to overheat in the summer, especially when it gets humid.” Clayton commented softly as he handed Loki a pair of flip flops before leading him back down to the porch.

“My feet aren’t delicate…” Loki grumbled quietly and looked at the shoes.

“You think that now, but wait till you step on a bunch of sand burrs.”

“And those are?”

“Plants that produce seeds that’re covered in thorns. The things absolutely hurt when you get them right in that soft area around your toes.”

Loki looked down at the shoes in his hand and quickly put them on. “Why are you up so late?”

Clayton shook his head. “It’s almost dawn.” He laughed a bit. “I went to bed a little bit after dinner. Did you seriously spend the entire night reading?”

“Apparently so.”

“I can’t blame you. I’m glad you’re enjoying the books.” After a moment, Clayton headed off the porch and wandered down a path. The path had been worn down over the years from frequent wanderings to the small pond at its end. At the shore of the pond, bullfrogs sang their love songs, hoping for a final fuck before fall. From the thick limb of an ancient oak tree hung a bench; the chains that supported it rusted years ago. He finally stopped at the end of the short dock and scanned the pond in the pre-dawn light; towards the deeper end of the pond, a fish splashed.

Loki stepped onto the dock with a grimace. Despite the clothes he wore, the suffocating humidity that hung in the air had caused his shirt to cling to his back. It hadn’t been a long walk, either, which only served to further annoy him. “Any particular reason we’re here?” He watched Clayton wander past him to the bench. “Or was this just to prove your point about the heat?”

“Actually, you’re the one who followed me down here.” Clayton pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it on the bench. “Also, you might wanna move.”

“What? Why?”

Rather than replying, Clayton bolted down the dock and instead of simply running past Loki, he grabbed the other man around the waist and yanked him into the water with him. Then, he released him and quickly swam away before he could get stabbed. Loki flailed his way to the surface and looked around with a startled expression. When Clayton surfaced ten or so feet away, Loki _glared_. “What the fuck?”

“…I told you to move.” Lazily, Clayton shifted onto his back and floated there, occasionally swishing his tail to propel himself forward. Slowly, a devious plan formed in his mind as revenge for Loki’s little bullshit during the exchange of delegates. “Oh, by the way? Don’t go into the deep end.”

“I can swim just fine, thank you.”

“No, no. It has nothing to do with swimming. You see, all of Earth’s bodies of water have guardian critters in them, and the size of the critter depends on the size of the body of water. Like, the ocean? There’s this massive mile long _monster_ called The Kraken. It’s not seen very often since the advent of sonar tends to ward it away, but back in the 1500s? Holy shit it loved to munch on boats.” Clayton carefully kept his tone neutral.

“That’s absolutely preposterous.” Despite his words, Loki’s voice held a slight edge of concern.

“You’d think so, but it’s true. The guy we got in here isn’t that big, but…I don’t know if Mom’s been feeding him since Dad died. I don’t think he’ll bother us since I figure he’s been munching on the fish.”

Loki glanced at the other side of the pond when something splashed. “Perhaps swimming wouldn’t be a good idea until it’s been fed.”

Clayton bit his tongue to keep from laughing when he heard, he assumed anyway, a frog jumping into the water. The change in Loki’s tone suggested the man had started to believe him. “Nah. Ought to be fi–“ He jerked himself upright, as if startled. “The fuck was that.”

“Clayton?” Loki’s voice had an edge of worry.

“Yeah we better get to la–“ Clayton shifted himself to start swimming to shore but suddenly mock yelped and flailed his limbs to push himself underwater. He could hear Loki yelling for him, the other man’s voice distorted from the water. Slowly, he swam towards the Asgardian and let himself sink down to further hide himself. Then, he reached out and poked the back of Loki’s leg with a finger. He damn near lost it then and there when Loki made a noise suspiciously like a shriek.

Before Loki could clamber out of the water and onto the dock, Clayton surfaced, grabbed him, and yanked him back into the water. The other man flailed and slammed an elbow into his ribs, prompting Clayton to release him then swim backwards to avoid the rest of Loki’s flailing limbs. “Fuckin’ ow!”

Loki scrambled out of the water and onto the dock, then turned around to glare at a grinning Clayton. Angrily, he spat out a number of curses, insults, and all manner of derogatory phrases that would have had Frigga scolding him for his vulgarity. Of course, they were all in Asgardian, so Clayton likely couldn’t understand him, but he assumed the tone of his voice would get the point across.

He had no idea what language Loki yelled at him in, but the whole stunt had entirely been worth it. Lazily, he rolled onto his back again. “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

“Revenge? Revenge for _what_?!”

“Your little stunt of not telling anyone you were going to show up at a woman.” Clayton violently lashed his tail around to knock a bit of greenery off, but finally had to arc his tail up above him to pull it off which briefly caused him to flail when he nearly sunk. “Don’t worry, there isn’t anything in here that’s dangerous…Except for maybe your massive ego and my dangerous level of self-worth.”

Loki scoffed but finally sat down at the edge of the dock so his legs dangled into the water. Despite Clayton’s claim of the pond being safe, he didn’t feel the need to start swimming again. “You worried me with how long you were under.”

“Oh. Yeah, about that. ‘Cause New Elysium’s atmosphere has a lower oxygen content than Earth, the Orussid are more efficient with their oxygen usage. Xena thinks it’s the blood composition, but between that and having lived on the planet for the past year or so? That’s why I was able to stay under for so long. Plus I was kinda drifting along so you wouldn’t notice me.” Clayton rolled over and dived under the water for a moment before popping back up next to the dock.

“That makes sense.” Loki mused and looked over at Clayton as he started pulling himself onto the dock.

“Move over or I’m shoving you back into the water.” Once Loki and scooted over, he hauled himself back onto the dock and sat on the corner so his tail could dangle into the water.

Loki sat there a moment before finally looking over to the other man. “…Does Earth actually have guardian creatures in bodies of water?” He felt stupid for asking since he suspected the answer. “I’m woefully lacking in knowledge of this world.”

Clayton shrugged and lazily flipped his tail onto the dock. “Not…Really? There’s some places around the world that, supposedly, have weird creatures living in them. The most famous is some place up in Scotland that has the Loch Ness Monster. Plenty of shitty pictures, but no direct proof. I think the guy who did the original picture admitted it was a hoax before he died, but you still have people swearing she’s real. The Kraken is another thing of legend. With how many cultures there are, there’s a lot of interesting mythology.”

“I see.” He looked over at Clayton for a moment and hid a frown at some of the scars he saw on the man’s torso. Most appeared to be burn types, perhaps from weapons. When Clayton leaned forward to look at something in the water, Loki couldn’t help but stare at his back. He had a great deal more muscle that started at the base of his tail and continued up his back along his spine. Clayton lazily swished his tail to the side and caused the muscles to either relax of contract, depending on which side of his back they were on.

Loki supposed it made sense, due to how a human body wouldn’t be built to have a tail, anatomical changes would need to happen. Curiously, he leaned back slightly to get a better look. After a moment, he reached over and prodded Clayton’s lower back, just above his tail. Quite suddenly, he found himself shoved off the dock and into the water. When he surfaced, a protest sat on the tip of his tongue, but the look Clayton gave him caused the protest to wither.

“ _Don’t._ Do that.” Clayton had shifted to a crouch and his tail lashed behind him. He didn’t like it when people touched him there and he knew that he should have probably been a bit less forceful since Loki didn’t know…But he didn’t want the man to get any ideas.

Bewildered, Loki stood there in the shallows by the dock. “I...I don’t understand. I was just curious about the muscles that control your tail.”

“Don’t ever touch me there again.” Logically, he knew that Loki had no clue, but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t. Not with what happened the last time.

Loki held up his hands. “I won’t…But…May I know why? If it’s pain related…” Again, Loki’s mind went to anatomy and how a human body hadn’t been designed for a tail. “I’m sure I can offer suggestions to help with it.”

While Loki’s sheer naivety helped ease some of his defensiveness, Clayton couldn’t help but mentally stutter on the idea of telling the other man. “It’s…” He sighed and finally sat down, but absently noted that Loki hadn’t tried to get back on the dock, yet. “It’s…There’s this weird bundle of nerves there and it’s basically…Uh, erogenous…I guess, with the right pressure. Kinda like a cat. Giss–“

The name hung in his throat and he shook his head, “She figured out about it. It’s how she’d…” He vaguely gestured with his hands. “And…Yeah.”

It took Loki’s brain a moment to piece together what he’d been told, but then his eyes went wide at the realization of what he’d accidentally done. “Oh. _Oh, shit_. I’m sorry, I didn’t…” He spewed out the words and stumbled over them, feeling horrified. While a part of him noted that he didn’t know, the majority of him berated and pointed out how he should have asked first. Finally, he ducked his head down. “I don’t make another blunder of this magnitude. Is there anything else I should be aware of so we can avoid another incident like this?”

“I’m just…I don’t like talking about that sort of stuff because I’m afraid it’ll be used against me.” Clayton looked down at his feet and slowly coiled his tail around him.

“I…I’m not going to say that I understand what you went through, because I don’t and I hope I never do.” Loki hesitated, unsure if his words would have the intended meaning or would simply sound insensitive. “But I understand the worry of having information being used against you.”

He slowly climbed back onto the dock. “Asgardians value their freedom above all else and our laws follow that idea. For someone to force themselves onto another, it takes away to freedom to choose which is something Asgardian culture finds abhorrent. If the perpetrator is lucky, they’ll be thrown into the dungeon to serve out their sentence. In many cases, the victim or the victim’s family would kill the attacker. The logic being, by taking away someone else’s freedom, they forfeited their own.” He fiddled with his bracelet. “That’s my long-winded attempt to say this: Thor has forgiven me for a great many things, some of which he shouldn’t have…But if I attempted to assault you in the same manner as your former girlfriend? He’d kill me without a second thought.  Of course, this ignores my personal opinion on the matter.”

“…Which is?”

“I don’t know very much about the situation and how you killed her, but my personal opinion is that regardless of what you did to her, it was too short and she should have suffered a great deal more.” Loki finally looked to Clayton. “What was done to you goes beyond the physical. It was an assault on your ability to trust in people. It…Honestly saddens me to see someone betrayed in such a way and I hope you’ll be able to trust someone enough to be in a relationship again.”

“I want to believe you, I really do, but…I can’t.”

“Which is what makes it so sad. I hope one day, you can. Being unable to trust is a horrible way to live.” The heavy topic at hand was suddenly interrupted by Clayton flinging a bit of pond weed at the side of Loki’s head. The Asgardian prince made an undignified sound of protest. “What was that for?!”

“Because you’re such a fucking hypocrite. You give all this damn advice without taking it yourself.”

Loki huffed loudly and tossed the weed back into the pond, “Yes, well, I’m not the only one, _Clayton_.”

“…Well, fuck. I walked into that one.” Finally, Clayton clambered up to his feet. “Guess we should head back. I’ll get you some fresh clothes to change into.”

At Clayton’s suggestion, Loki took a quick shower to rinse himself of any lingering muck that resulted from being shoved into the shallows. After dressing, he returned to his room and laid down for a few hours of sleep. His sleep ended up being little more than a nap. Blearily, he opened his eyes. While the faint smell of food cooking smelled wonderful, he knew it hadn’t been what woke him up. No, that right belonged to the suffocating weight on his chest.

Loki opened his eyes and stared into the yellow eyes of some sort of long furred creature. Covered in orange, black, and white fur, the beast had its ears twisted back in annoyance. It took his still waking up brain to recognize the creature as a cat of some sort. After a moment, it leaned down to sniff his face before firmly biting his nose. He yelped in surprised and shoved the cat off the bed. It landed on the floor with a thump and made an angry yowl before it scampered out of the room.

He slowly sat up when Clayton poked his head into the room, bearing a pink welt over the bridge of his nose. “What happened to you?”

“…I met the cat. Apparently, June likes to either slap or bite people when she’s hungry. I didn’t bleed, at least…”

“Yes…She bit my nose.” Loki rolled off the bed and followed Clayton downstairs. As they passed through the living room, June happily munched her food from under the couch end table.

Sarah glanced up when the two men stepped into the kitchen and she couldn’t help but smile slightly at their respective facial injuries. “Sorry, usually I’m up a bit earlier. June gets a bit fussy when her food is late.”

Clayton just grumbled and started dishing himself up a plate of food. Bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and toast. Then, he wrinkled his nose slightly before digging round in the fridge to produce an apple.

“I didn’t make enough for you?” She glanced towards Clayton.

“Nah. You made plenty. I just like having fruit with my breakfast.”

After everyone had been settled and started eating, Sarah finally looked up with a frown. “Clayton…I did some thinking. I don’t really want to dredge up the drama from last night but…” She hesitated at the bland expression he gave her.” You’re right. I didn’t do a very good job of listening to you while you were growing up. You’re my only surviving child and it scared me to think something would happen to you. While I really hope you’ll talk to me and tell me what’s been going on with your life…I’m happy with the knowledge that you’re alive.”

Clayton looked down at his plate and poked the hash browns on his plate for a moment. “There’s just a lot I don’t really want to talk about.”

“I understand.” She smiled slightly at the almost dirty look Clayton gave her, but continued speaking. However, as she continued, her gaze dropped to the table. “You…Mentioned Thanos. The Avengers did a press release about him, what he did, and talked about what happened around the world. People just turned to dust and then days later back as if nothing happened. I…Was one of them. I don’t know if you knew about the severity of everything.”

“I did.” Clayton replied, quietly. “When I found out about what happened on Earth, I had Xena call the house phone and then your cell. Since you didn’t answer we landed to check on you and…”

“You found a pile of dust. It didn’t hurt, if you were wondering. It was terrifying, but it didn’t hurt…Tingled like my whole body was asleep.” She slowly shook her head. “Everything else is hazy, like a dream. I remember being in this foggy, orange place with water. There were so many other people…No one knew what’d happened and then…Just like that. I was right back in the chair.”

Sarah suddenly laughed. “I threw out the damn chair.” She lightly gestured to indicate how only five chairs sat at the table instead of six. “Adopted June because I was scared of being alone again.”

Loki quietly ate. If matters were going well between the two, then he saw no need to intervene. Still, he worried that things might go south like they had the prior night. On the other hand, Xena’s comment some time back about collateral might hold true in this instance.

The comment about the chair caused Clayton to quietly snort, but he couldn’t argue against the comment. “Loki showed up after Thanos destroyed the ship he was on…Was asking for help. Shortly after, The Snap happened which is kinda what kicked me into gear. Honestly, there really isn’t much to talk about since most of it was just traveling. Headed to Earth to talk to the Avengers and decided that since The Snap affected Thanos’ own troops that I could steal some of the fighters. While I was there, Xena hacked into the data core from one of the fighters and was able to figure out where all Thanos’ ships were at. From there, we headed off to one of the fleet carriers, stopped off at Jericho to pick up supplies and fuel. Got to the fleet and picked up the fighters while Xena uploaded a virus to disable to rest of the fleet.”

He absently stirred the remains of his scrambled eggs. “So, we headed back to Earth to update the Avengers since there wasn’t much else to do.” Clayton snorted and smiled. “Once the virus completely spread, we kinda fucked off to go attack the disabled fleet since I figured that Thanos would assume the Avengers were up to something and go after them. Turns out I was right and they were able to kill him and reverse The Snap. They weren’t able to undo the damage from the aftermath, but…”

Sarah nodded quietly and took a sip of her water before speaking. “Loki mentioned the Orussid. What are they?”

“They’re the race that produced the eggs you found. Apparently, the Orussid Queen who laid them, Moranna, was some…Eugenic end goal that the Orussid had, but her genetics were wonky and so her eggs did weird shit.” He carefully glossed over what he told his Mom, choosing to avoid the less distasteful aspects of what he’d been up to.

“…Queen? Does that mean…?” She swore he’d mentioned something about being a ‘king’, but he’d spat everything out so quickly and angrily that she hadn’t been sure.

“Uh…Well. The general galaxy at large knows me as ‘King Sabaton’ so…” Clayton ducked his head, feeling somewhat embarrassed for some reason.

Quietly, she laughed. “That’s a pretty big jump from being a Georgian country boy.”

“I’m not complaining. It’s work but…I don’t mind.”

Loki inwardly frowned as be listened and noted how Clayton had skipped over a lot of things. The man had made things sound a great deal better than they actually were. Though, he supposed it made sense with how withdrawn he happened to be about his past.

“That’s good. Now, to shift directions a bit…When were you planning on leaving?”

Clayton shrugged. “I don’t know. Xena’s having fun playing the stock market and so I was thinking about showing Loki around…Maybe ordering some pizza so he can try that and picking up some stuff from Wally World.”

Sarah mused for a moment. “Have you taken him to the pond?”

“Yeah, we went down to the front pond this morning.”

“No, I’m talking about the big one in the back 50.” She stood up and started gathering up the dishes. “A couple of the neighbor boys down the road asked Sean if they could go fishing, and you know how it didn’t have much in the way of stock. He told them that if they cleaned it up and kept it nice, that he’d stock it with fish for them. Well, they did just that. Even built a small dock. It’s very, very nice.”

Clayton tilted his head slightly at this news. “Huh. Neat. Still got the old 4-wheeler?”

She shook her head, “No, I sold it off to the Dengra family down their road after Sean died. Their son, Kevin, does goats for FFA and he uses it to herd them. You can take the farm truck up there, though.”

This made Clayton cackle. “I think I might terrify Loki with my driving.”

“I’m hard to scare, thank you.” Loki noted.

“That’s because you’ve never been in a truck with me.”

“Unfortunately for you, the transmission needs replaced and it only has first and second.” She replied.

“…Lame.”

Once Clayton had found Loki some decent sneakers, they headed outside to where the beat-up farm truck had been parked. The thing had dings, dents, a missing tail gate, and all other manner of damage. Unfortunately, the cab hadn’t fared much better. Many of the expected equipment in the console had simply been yanked out, leaving a mess of wires behind. Clayton pointed at the stick shift. “Don’t touch it.”

Loki grimaced at the faint smell of mold, but closed the passenger side door. “Why?”

“Because that’s part of how I control the truck speed and if it gets kicked into a different gear, it can further fuck up the transmission.” It took Clayton a moment to get his tail arranged properly so that he could sit down. “Oh. You can roll down the window.”

He glanced over at Clayton as the man rolled down the window before looking at his door and mimicking. Honestly, Loki felt slightly dubious about the whole thing. Sure, he’d been in Earth vehicles before, but those had been a great deal _newer_. “How long will it take us to get to the pond?”

“Shouldn’t be long.” Clayton started the engine and immediately flicked the radio off when it became clear that it’d been dialed to some shitty talk show. “You’re getting the gates.”

Beyond the annoying job of opening and closing the gates, the trip to the pond proved remarkably uneventful except for the instance where Clayton spooked a small herd of deer. While the pond didn’t show the same degree of care as the other one, it ended up being quite a lot bigger and had a much larger dock at one end.

Clayton climbed out of the truck and started poking around in the reeds while Loki scanned the other side of the pond. There, a few cows had paused to get a drink. Loki glanced over at the other man when he made a quiet ‘got ya!’, but since it hadn’t been directed at him, he went back to watching the cows.

The bullfrog squirmed in his hands and Clayton wore a grin nothing short of shit eating. He stood up and walked a bit closer to Loki; the bull frog wasn’t that big, just enough to sting. “Loki.” When the other man turned to look at him, Clayton promptly chunked the bullfrog at Loki’s face while yelling, “YEET!”

Loki promptly _squawked_ when he unexpectedly got hit in the face by something soft, squishy, and vaguely slimy. The frog landed on the ground with a soft thump and promptly leapt into the water, quite done with the shenanigans. Wide eyed, Loki stared at Clayton who cackled loudly. “I…What was that for?! What does ‘yeet’ even mean? Is this some sort of Earth thing?”

This just caused Clayton to giggle. “Oh my God. You don’t know what memes are. It’s absolutely an Earth thing. Basically, it’s taking an image and putting funny text to it. People often find them relatable. There’s an entire internet culture dedicated to it and memes have evolved over the years.”

“…You Midgardians are strange.” He wiped at his face and quietly wondered if he had slime on his face. “Still, why did you throw a frog at me?”

Clayton slowly wandered past him to stand under a shade tree. “I don’t really expect you to understand, because, like you said ‘Midgardians are strange’…But uh. You know how I said me and my friends were basically The Three Idiots? Part of the ‘initiation ritual’ was getting a bullfrog lobbed at your face.” He quietly laughed. “The whole thing of screaming ‘yeet’ wasn’t part of it though. Ah, don’t worry about it. Just a random spur of the moment thing of me being dumb.”

Loki opened his mouth to snark something out, but closed it when he started thinking about the reason. An initiation ritual to a circle of friends? Did that mean…? He thought back to when he’d been on Xena, talking to Rocket.

_The rodent looked amused at Loki’s question, “Pft. No. Clayton doesn’t have **friends**. He has acquaintances and contacts.”_

He walked over to Clayton to stand under the tree, as well. Despite it only being midmorning, the sun happily scorched the earth. “Does this mean I’m the fourth idiot?”

Clayton looked over at the Asgardian and quirked a slight smile. “Nah. The Idiots Three died with Randy, and I don’t really see the need to revive it…But I think that him and Nate woulda liked you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Loki looked towards the pond when a fish of some sort breached in order to eat an unlucky flying insect. “…Rocket said you don’t have friends, just acquaintances and contacts. I understand your reasoning for doing so, but…”

“You’re wondering where you fit in the scheme of things?” He looked over at Loki who nodded. “I actually considered Rocket a friend, but I…I keep people at arm’s length. I’m tired of being hurt.”

“Understandable. I just want to know where I stand, because I don’t want to overstep my boundaries, like I did this morning.”

“The Clayton Social Circle has four levels, not quite as weird as the nine levels of Hell, but just as fucky at times. The first level is contacts. People who just serve as information and have a high probability of being a meat shield if they prove to be overly stupid. The second level is acquaintances. Congrats, I like you enough that I’ll share a beer with you and I might just risk my neck to save your ass if I think you’re important enough. The third level are friends. You’re pretty hot shit if you reach this level. Means I’ll probably drop most things to help you out and I’ll be willing to risk major injury to save your ass.” Clayton spoke in a mock English accent, as if he were a narrator to a nature documentary. “The fourth and final level is for close friends. Aka, the fuckers who I’d drop everything for, and actually have something close to a normal level of trust.”

“So which level do I sit on?”

Clayton grinned, “That’s for you to figure out.”


	23. Pizza and Christmas Videos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  "Voodoo Child" - Rogue Traders
> 
> 23 chapters and 211 pages in a word document, and I've finally hit 100k+ words.  
> How the hell did this story get so big?

Xena hadn’t exactly been surprised when Clayton contacted her to explain how Loki and him had decided to spend the night. She supposed things had gone reasonably well with his mother since the conversation ended up being short. This left her with little to do, but since her engines had been given a work out after a considerable amount of down time, she chose to run a thorough diagnostic on her systems. While she doubted anything would show up as being erroneous, she also knew Clayton. If something ended up being the slightest bit off, he’d tear her engines apart to find the issue.

He could be obsessive about her physical upkeep at times and she wished he’d show the same kind of concern for himself. Either way, her simulations and calculations seemed to have proven fruitful: he appeared happier. Loki had decidedly been a bit of a wildcard at times, but for all the man claimed to be a master manipulator, he ended up being quite easy to manipulate. Her goal had been to carefully nudge the two in a friendship of sorts. As much as she looked after Clayton, she couldn’t do very much when he wasn’t onboard.

While she knew she could provide a degree of companionship for the organic, she also knew it paled in comparison to the companionship of another organic. Certainly, she could mimic emotion with her speech synthesizers and could pretend to be annoyed or flattered, or any other host of emotions. She’d done plenty of research on what might be appropriate for a given situation, after all.

Ultimately, however, she didn’t exactly feel emotion the way organics did and didn’t care to. Emotion got in the way of logical decisions and could cloud the mind of even the most intelligent person. She’d leave the notion of emotions and feelings to the organics while she dealt with her cold numbers and logical equations.

Despite her initial distaste of Loki, he’d turned out to be exactly what she needed and quite useful for her end goals. After a bit of gentle prodding and her ‘reluctant’ release of information, Loki took off to do exactly what she’d wanted. Clayton had begun to trust Loki, if the amount of personal information he’d shared so far said anything.

Combined with how Clayton now smiled and laughed, she surmised his mental state and overall emotional wellbeing had drastically improved. Curiously, she’d noted how Loki seemed to be developing an interest that might extend further than simple friendship. While she didn’t know where it might lead, she decided that interfering wouldn’t be needed unless the interest poised a danger to Clayton.

Once her diagnostics completed, she shifted her attention to the stock market. A few stocks had peaked and were likely to drop in price soon, if her predictive algorithms were correct. She sold them off, put a percentage of the gained money in an account, then invested the rest of the money in a few rising stocks. From there, she lazily drifted around the internet and updated herself on the events of the world. Countries were still recovering from The Snap, the Sokovia Accords had been struck down since it’d become clear that great dangers existed in the universe, and the Avengers had gotten back together…Sans Thor since he had a kingdom to run.

This meant her attention turned to Twitter. Slowly, she shifted through the different tweets and found herself…annoyed by a particularly loud-mouthed individual. He prattled on about things he clearly knew nothing about and slung childish insults. Really, it tended to be on par for what one might find on the website. What set this one apart, however, happened to be that he sat at the head of a country. Xena sorted through the code and with a slight tweak, deleted the account. A further tweak banned the IP address. She suspected Clayton would end up having a few choice words with her, but she didn’t mind.

Her attention drifted to other things until her sensors alerted her of an Earth vehicle parking nearby. She didn’t recognize it and began pulling her defenses up when Clayton climbed out. Only when she saw the organic did she relax. While she felt curious about his return, she felt curiouser on how his mental state might have changed. So, she greeted him warmly.

“Welcome back, Clayton. Have you been enjoying yourself?”

Clayton looked up with a slight grin. “So far. Not a fan of Mom’s cat. We’re not leaving just yet, though. I wanted to swing by and grab my tablet so I could start working on a grocery list. I’m not really sure when we’ll be leaving.” His grin shifted into a slight frown. “When’s that event you’re wanting to see?”

“Izaph being impacted by a large asteroid? Don’t worry, we still have two weeks.”

“Alright, well, I’ll see you later…Stay out of trouble.” He sent one of the cameras a look.

“I always stay out of trouble.”

“…Dear God. What have you done now?” He frowned but then shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll probably find out later.”

Clayton returned to the truck where Loki fiddled with the radio. “Careful. You might start a fire.”

This caused Loki to give the other man a concerned look and he glanced back to the mess of wires in the dash. “I haven’t found anything interesting to listen to, anyway.”

“Yeah, there usually isn’t. That’s kinda why I always just listened to music on my phone or something.”

Once they’d returned to the house, Clayton climbed back out of the truck, snatched up his tablet, and headed inside to work on the grocery list. Curiously, Loki sat down next to him and watched him type out different food names for a moment. Finally, he glanced over at the other man, “Wouldn’t it be easier to simply write the list?”

Clayton pulled over a notepad, flipped the page to a blank one, grabbed a pen, then wrote his name. The handwriting ended up being a shaky, near illegible scrawl. “I have a hard time writing, anymore.”

This prompted Loki to roll his eyes and tug the pad over to himself where he copied Clayton’s name in neat, tidy print. “I can write it. Since I’m unfamiliar with Earth foods, I’ll need you to spell some of them.”

“…Oh. Well. That makes it handy.” He slid the tablet over to Loki. “Here, you can copy what I have so far.”

Loki made a quiet noise of acknowledgement and peered at the list before he began copying it. “These are strange sounding foods.”

“A lot of them are brand names.” Clayton pointed at two names. “That’s a block cheese and that’s a canned mix of tomatoes and peppers. If you mix ‘em together, you can make some really good cheese dip. Speaking of that, I wanna take you to this hole in the wall Mexican place. It’s sorta like the Golden Phoenix, but a ton cleaner.”

“As long as there aren’t any cockroaches…” He grimaced and pushed the tablet back to Clayton. Then, he looked to the other man expectantly.

“Alright, ready? Just let me know if you need me to spell something or if I talk too fast.” Once he had the confirmation from Loki, Clayton began rattling off different foods. Some of them were ones he wanted, but others were ones he thought Loki might enjoy. When he finished, he looked at the list for a moment. “If we end up staying into the weekend, we could maybe go to the Saturday farmer’s market and pick up some produce. I already know Mom’s gonna send a bunch of eggs with us when we leave.”

“Look at you two. Being all domestic.” Sarah spoke from the kitchen door, an amused expression on her face. She held a basket under her arm, various foods pulled from the garden peeked over the rim.

Clayton immediately slid a mask into place. “No, Loki was writing down a list of things I want to get at the store. I can’t write very well anymore.”

“I want to learn about Earth and to be able to do so, I need to be able to recognize the more common foods.” Loki hadn’t missed Clayton tensing at what Sarah’s words had unspokenly implied. He glanced back over to the other man. “You still haven’t explained what a…Cantaloupe is…”

She just gave the two men a knowing look. While she didn’t know very much about Loki, she knew plenty about her son and the quiet glances he gave the other man. She set the basket on the counter and went to wash her hands. “Clayton, I want you to rinse off and put up the veggies while I go check the chicken water. Leave the okra out, though. I want to make fried okra tonight.”

Clayton made an annoyed noise and got up to peer into the basket. “I’m definitely ordering a pizza then. You know I fuckin’ hate okra.” He yelped a few seconds later when the hand towel swatted him in the side. “For fuck’s sa– OW!”

“What did I tell Loki, yesterday?”

“Fuck, shit, cock.” This time, when she snapped the hand towel at him, he grabbed it in his hand, balled it up, and threw it at Loki. “Get over here and help me.”

Loki watched Sarah make an exasperated nose, pluck up a small container of scraps, and walk out the backdoor. Then, he looked ack to Clayton. “I don’t think she appreciated that.”

“I don’t fuckin’ care. I’m an adult, she can deal with it. Now get over here and help.” He focused on the hand towel in Loki’s hand and telekinetically yanked it out of the other man’s hand. Then he grabbed it and put it on the counter. Honestly, he found the noise of surprise that Loki made to be hilarious.

“You could have just asked for it.” Loki huffed, but got up to join Clayton. “I’m still baffled that you have that ability and the Orussid don’t.”

“I seriously have no idea, man. I’m just a walking pile of ‘what the fuck’, honestly.” Clayton grabbed the basket of vegetables and put it in the sink to start rinsing the dirt off them. As he worked, he pointed out the different vegetables to Loki and mentioned the name. Every now and then, he’d pop one in his mouth to eat it. “Here, try a cherry tomato…Seriously, it’s good.”

Hesitantly, Loki took what appeared to be some type of red fruit and closely examined it. “It looks poisonous.”

“It comes from a family of plants that _are_ , but it’s not. I promise.” At the dubious look Loki have him, Clayton sighed and plucked up a cherry tomato, then popped it into his mouth to eat. “As annoying as you can be at times, I’m not gonna try to poison you.”

After another moment, Loki put the cherry tomato into his mouth and cautiously chewed on it. Then, he wrinkled his nose at the acidity of it. “I don’t really like it.”

“Huh, shame. They’re pretty good, but that’s alright. Some people like ‘em, some people don’t. They’re good when they’re cooked though.” Bit by bit, they worked through the vegetables and when they reached the okra, Clayton set them to the side after rinsing them. “I hate okra. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an overgrown weed.”

Loki picked up one of the pods. “How would you eat it?”

“Generally, people cut them up, cover them in cornmeal, and then fry them in oil. That’s what Mom’s going to do tonight. You can try it, if you want, but I’m gonna get a pizza. Speaking of…” He rinsed his hands off, dried them, and went to fetch his tablet where he began browsing a website. “I might get a half and half since I don’t know what you like.”

Loki followed Clayton over to the table and peered over his shoulder at the images of the different pizzas. “So, they’re…Bread with different foods on them?”

“Sorta. You can have the basic cheese and meat.” Clayton pointed at a pepperoni pizza, then he pointed at something with a large number of toppings. “Or you can have ones with a bunch of different ingredients. This one’s a Greek pizza, so…Two types of cheeses, black olives, artichoke hearts, chicken, and pepperoncinis…But I always request those to be held.”

“I…Honestly have no idea what half of those are.”

“Oh, sorry.” Clayton pointed at the different toppings and mentioned the name of each. “I think what I’ll do is get a medium Greek and then a personal pan for you that’s just pepperoni and cheese. Though…Do you really like cheese? I could order it as a stuffed crust which has cheese baked into the crust.”

Loki considered for a moment, but then nodded. “Yes, that sounds interesting.”

“Sweet. If you don’t like it, don’t worry. I’ll eat it and we can find you something else to eat.” Getting up, Clayton walked to the phone and dialed a number before ordering both pizzas. After he hung up, he looked over to Loki. “We can go to Wally World in the morning. Most people will be at work, which means less crowds.”

“What’s wrong with the crowds?”

“Because Wally World is an…Interesting place. I’ve been there at 3am, in my PJs, because I miiiight have gotten high and wanted some goddamned ice cream…Which reminds me.” He grabbed the pad of paper and pen, then held them out to Loki. “Write down chocolate chip cookie dough.”

Bemused, Loki did as instructed, then looked over when Sarah returned. “Are the chickens faring well?”

“As well as could be.”

“Where’s the car keys at, Mom? Ordered a pizza.”

Sarah gestured at the front door. “Hanging by the door like they usually do.”

“Aight. Gonna go pick it up, then. Taking Loki with me, byyyye.” Clayton grabbed Loki’s arm and hauled the startled man out of the kitchen. He plucked the keys off the nail by the door and continued outside to the car. “Sorry. She’s still mad at me for cussing…Plus I want to spare you the hassle of her showing you embarrassing things I did when I was a kid.”

“I wouldn’t mind the idea.” Loki replied as he climbed into the passenger seat, then grimaced at the lack of leg room.

“Uh…” After feeling around the bottom of his own seat, he found the handle to roll the seat back. “At the front of the seat there’s a handle. Pull it up and you can roll the seat back. I’m really not interested in her showing you that stuff. ‘Cause I know baby pictures and shit will get pulled out. Honestly? I’m surprised she’s taken me being a freak as well as she has.”

After the directions from Clayton, Loki rolled his seat back and quietly sighed at the extra leg room. “I think the idea of you being alive overrules any concerns she has about your change…And I still wouldn’t mind seeing you when you were younger. You mentioned having competed on Skipper?”

Clayton started the car and began driving down the driveway. “Oh, yeah. I did plenty of showing on him. There’s a couple videos on my Youtube that I could probably show you. I just figure that sooner or later, she’s gonna corner us and make me relive embarrassing shit from when I was a kid.”

After making a soft noise of acknowledgement, Loki settled back in the seat. Though, Clayton’s earlier warning about his driving caused him minor concern. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

Clayton slouched against the door with his hand lightly griping the steering wheel. The roads were mostly empty, but since they were in the county? Traffic tended to be pretty decent. On the other hand, when a car suddenly pulled out in front of them from a side road, he slammed the brakes and angrily hit the horn for several seconds, “You fuckin’ asshole!”

Loki jumped at Clayton’s outburst and stared wide eyed at the vehicle in front of them as it pulled away. “I…That wasn’t supposed to happen, was it?”

“No, it fucking was not. I had right of way, the chucklefuck.” He grumped and his tail gave an angry wiggle from the backseat. By the time they reached the pizza place, his temper had soothed enough that he wouldn’t cuss out the first person that looked at him wrong. “Do your illusion thing, will you?”

After casting the illusion, Loki got out of the car and followed the other man into the restaurant. Immediately, the smell of the food cooking caused his stomach to rumble hungrily. “That smells fantastic.”

Clayton shot him a grin, “You’re gonna hate the ride home, then.” He stepped up to the counter and briefly talked to the person running the register before touching the communicator on his left wrist against the credit card machine. As soon as the transaction went through, he signed for it and grabbed the bag of food. Once they were back out at the car, he handed the bag to Loki. “Just hold onto that for me.”

This prompted Loki to stare at the bag in his lap and the wonderful smells that drifted from it. “What dark magic was used to bake this?”

“Behold, the power of pizza.” Clayton shot the other man another wide grin at the look of wonder he had. “I also ordered some boneless chicken wings with lemon pepper seasoning. Mom will probably insist you try her okra stuff, but I got you the good stuff.”

“I’ll try what she’s made for the sake of saying I did.”

“That’s for the best, just so you can try a bunch of different foods. Don’t hesitate to try something just because I don’t like it. If it’s something dangerous or whatever, I’ll let you know.”

Thankfully, the trip back to the house ended up being a lot less eventful…Sans for Clayton having to yell at some cows to move them away from the gate. Soon enough, he stepped into the house and wrinkled his nose at the smell of fried okra. “Mom! We’re back!”

Sarah glanced up at the two men and rolled her eyes. “I still have no idea why you don’t like fried okra. It’s good for you.”

“Because it tastes so fuckin’ bad that I’d rather eat army rations.” He caught the towel she threw at his head. “If it makes you feel better, I told Loki to try some…But I’m having pizza. ‘Cause I haven’t had it in like...Three years.”

Loki offered the woman a faint smile. “I’ll try a little bit. Clayton insists I try the pizza and chicken wings.” He felt somewhat startled when he suddenly had a small plate of food thrust into his hands. “I surmise the breaded bits are the fried okra, but I’m not sure what the rest is.”

“The yellow bits is corn and the white stuff is mashed potatoes with gravy and then the chunk of meat is a pork chop. I think she slow cooked the pork chop, too. So, it ought to be pretty tender.” Clayton supplied as he passed by Loki with plates and paper towels. “Everything but the fried okra is good.”

Curiously, Loki picked up the fork to try a bit of everything. “I like everything but the fried okra and pork chops.”

Sarah made a slightly exasperated noise. “Well, I’m making a list of all the foods you like. Let me know when you two plan to leave and I’ll cook up a bunch of food for you to take with you.”

“Mom, you really don’t need to do that.”

“It’s happening, Clayton.” She gave him a firm look, prompting him to hold his hands up in defeat.

Loki smiled slightly and joined Clayton at the table. “Is pizza eaten similar to tacos?” He noted the lack of silverware. Hesitantly, he picked up what he assumed to be a chicken wing and popped it into his mouth. While greasy and heavily salted, the combination of spices caused his mouth to water. “I think I’ll enjoy the pizza, if the chicken wings are any indication.”

“Yeah, it is.” Clayton sat down at the table to start eating.

“Loki, did Clayton show you Skipper?” Sarah glanced over and smiled slightly at Loki’s nod. “Did he tell you that he used to compete in shows?”

“Yes, he did, but I haven’t seen any pictures.”

“Let’s eat in the living room then.” She picked up her plate and ignored Clayton’s concerned look.

After a bit of coaxing on her part, she finally convinced Clayton to come into the living room where she set up the tv and DVD player. “Clayton mostly stuck to local shows, but he managed to qualify for nationals a few times. I still have all his ribbons and trophies up in the attic.” Once she got the DVD playing, she settled down in her recliner with her plate. “Your dad copied all the old VHS tapes to DVDs a few years ago after the player broke on us.”

Clayton simply had the vaguely traumatized expression that all people wore when their parents began parading out baby and childhood pictures. Naturally, Loki didn’t see the issue and eagerly waited.

The video briefly staticed before showing a thirteen or so year old Clayton holding the reins of a much younger looking Skipper. They stood in the aisle between a number of temporarily horse stalls. He grinned brightly at the camera, then squinted slightly when he looked towards someone else. The only noticeable difference between him and the present-day Clayton happened to be the eye color: rather than green eyes, he had brown…Suggesting whatever change he’d gone through had also affected his eye color.

A man spoke from behind the camera, presumably Clayton’s Dad, Sean. “You want to tell Grandma and Grandpa where you’re at today?”

“Little Rock, Arkansas at the 4-H regional show and I’m gonna be doing the reining and pleasure classes.” Young Clayton not only had a heavier southern accent, but also a slight lisp. Present day Clayton just sighed and rubbed his forehead over being subjected to the video.

“Gonna win?”

“Yup! If Skipper isn’t a butthole.” This prompted the vague sounds of Sarah scolding Clayton in the background. The boy simply gave the trademark Clayton Shit Eating Grin.

The camera briefly turned off before turning back on. Rather than being at the stalls, Sean and Sarah were sitting in the bleachers next to the arena, “–ton’s run.” It took a moment for the camera to focus in on Clayton perched on top of Skipper. “Skipper’s looking good today. I think the new farrier helped with that one foot.”

After a moment, Clayton and Skipper began working through the pre-determined routine, with the horse easily following the commands. Once the routine ended, the camera shut off briefly before returning to show Clayton holding a fourth-place ribbon. He grinned, “Goin’ to nationals!”

The next video ended up being at home with Clayton doing a few routines on Skipper, but no audio and it only last a few moments before moving to another video. This one didn’t have an intro and instead showed the duo entering the arena. Clayton squinted at the tv for a moment. “Oh. I remember this. This was at nationals when Skipper was a goddamned idiot.”

Loki glanced at Clayton for a moment before looking back to the tv. The reining routine started out perfectly normal, but midway through it something caught Skipper’s attention. He planted all four hooves on the ground, tensed, and popped his head up tall to focus on whatever had startled him.

“Oh, shit…Skipper don’t do it.” Sean said softly.

Suddenly, Skipper bolted and started bucking. Clayton managed to cling to the saddle for the first few bucks, but finally became unseated and hit the ground with a tumble. He got back up to his feet, holding his left arm close to his side, and stalked after the horse while limping. After catching him, he hauled himself back into the saddle and finished the routine.

Loki watched this with a look of concern. Just with how Clayton moved, he’d obviously been injured in some fashion. However, he couldn’t tell how badly.

“So, you saw how I landed right?” Clayton looked over at Loki who nodded. “Asshole broke three of my ribs. That was great, man. I got like…Two weeks off from school.”

“How are you so nonchalant over an injury like that?”

“Dude. I got fucking _shot_ in Iraq. Broken ribs are nothing.” Clayton gathered up his empty plate and trash. “Anyway. I’m gonna go grab some carrots and feed the goof in the pasture before it gets too late. Pretty sure he’s missed me.”

“They’re in the bottom drawer on the left side of the fridge.” Sarah looked to Loki after Clayton had left. “Since you’re not from Earth, I’m guessing you don’t know what Christmas is?”

“No, I don’t.”

“It’s a holiday set in the winter months where we exchange presents with family and cook a lot of food.” She smiled slightly. “Christians use it to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, but most people see it as food and presents.”

“Ah, Asgard has a similar holiday, Yule. It’s several days of festivities and feasts, but no present exchange.”

“I have a few videos of Christmas’ with Clayton, if you’re interested?” She got out of her chair to remove the DVD from the player. After Loki made a noise of agreement, she put a different DVD into the player. “I need to go get the eggs real quick, but I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Loki nodded and shifted his attention back to the tv. The time stamp on the corner of the screen said ‘Dec. 25, 2005’. Numerous people filled the living room, among them, Clayton. He’d aged several years from the earlier few videos with Skipper, but otherwise hadn’t changed very much. He grinned mischievously and picked up a scrap of wrapping paper with a bow attached to it. Carefully, he pulled the paper off before sticking the bow to someone’s hair. The person squawked and Clayton darted off before he could be hit.

Someone tossed a present at him, and he caught but briefly fumbled with it before he opened it. From behind the camera, Sarah asked him what he’d gotten. He showed her a shirt with the name of some band, but then rolled his eyes when someone off camera began talking about how the band would lead him ‘down the path of sin’. Clayton turned to look at the person, and mock whined, “But Gamma! Georgia is already hotter than the devil’s taint in the summer. I’m already half way there, might as well go the whole nine yards.”

The camera quickly turned off. A few seconds later, it turned back on. This time, the date read Dec. 25, 2009. Once more, the main focus sat on Clayton…But Loki immediately picked up on a major difference in personality. A bearded Clayton quietly sat in a recliner wearing loose PJ pants and a loose long sleeve shirt. His right arm remained tucked against his side, as if he were protecting it. He looked around with a half-dazed look mingled with an expression that said he’d seen far, far too much.

From the kitchen came the _pop_ of a wine cork being pulled out of the bottle and someone laughing; Clayton subtly flinched at the sound. While Loki didn’t know the time line of things, he suspected the video took place after the war. It’d become painfully obvious to him that Clayton hadn’t wanted to be around the festivities. The man had an expression that suggested that he wanted to curl up into a ball right then and there.

An older man sat down in the couch next to Clayton and grinned. “Good to see you back home, boy. You shoot any of those sand niggers?”

Clayton glanced over at the man and frowned heavily, then spoke softly. “When we were attacked, yeah.”

“Whole fuckin’ place ought to be glassed. Nothing but a bunch of backwards cunts.” The man leaned back and took a sip of his drink before looking back to Clayton. “Bet you have a bunch of fun stories to tell. You kill anyone, boy?”

He set his jaw and looked away from the man for a moment, then looked back. “It’s all classified.”

“Well, damn. What’d you do, some black ops shit or something?”

“…Or something.” Finally, Clayton sighed. “Look. I gotta go change my bandages. I might be back later.”

Without waiting for a reply, he slowly pushed himself up to his feet and hobbled his way out of frame. Abruptly the video paused and Sarah sent Loki an apologetic look. “I’m sorry you saw that. I forgot it was on there.”

“Was that after Clayton returned home?”

She sat down in her chair. “Yes. He stayed with us while he recovered from being shot.” Sarah looked down at her hands. “Unfortunately, Sean’s side of the family is very…Traditional, to be polite about things. They don’t like people who’re different from them. I tolerated them for the sake of Sean, but Clayton never got along with them and always antagonized them.”

“He seemed different.”

“He was. Part of that in the video was him on pain medicine, but…The Clayton that went to Iraq isn’t the one who came back. He was withdrawn and angry and argued with Sean about a lot of things. We tried to get him to talk to us, because we were worried but…” She shook her head. “He just pulled away from us.”

Finally, she sighed and looked up at Loki with a small smile. “This is the first time I’ve seen him smile since he’s returned from Iraq. I don’t know what your relationship is with him, if you’re just friends or not, but you make him smile…And while I don’t know what he went through in Iraq or what he’s been doing since he left, I think he needs someone like you in his life.” She hesitated for a moment before continuing, “And I think you need the same…But I saw you flinch when he yelled yesterday.”

Loki quickly put up a mask at her claim of him needing someone, but caught her worried look. “He’s not doing anything, if you’re worried about that. I can pick up on emotions and his anger caught me off guard.”

“I just know that veterans can have issues. You seem like a nice young man, and I’d hate for something to happen.”

The compliment caught him off guard a bit, “Ah, thank you.”

“I bet your parents are proud.” Sarah smiled, but the smile faltered when Loki suddenly looked away.

“Ah, my parents are dead. My father died of old age and…My mother was murdered.”

“I’m sorry.” She gently touched his arm. “Well, you’re always welcome to stay here if you need to. I’ve never had an issue with Clayton’s friends staying over when there were problems at home.”

Loki gave a slight nod. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Worst case scenario, I’ll somehow learn what kinds of cookies you like and give you a gallon sized bag of them when you leave. It’s absolutely horrible, I know.” She gently teased.

“I wouldn’t mind that.” He admitted after a moment.

Clayton stepped into the living room from the kitchen, “Wouldn’t mind what?”

“Me sending a bunch of cookies with him when you two leave.”

“Mom, you can’t adopt everyone that I drag in with me! You did that to Nate and Randy, too.” He stated, exasperatedly.

“What? I always wanted more that one child. Either I mock-adopt him, or you get yourself a girlfriend or boyfriend for me to dolt over.” She stood up and started for the kitchen. “Loki, do you like peanut butter?”

“I’m…Not entirely sure.” Loki sent Clayton a somewhat confused look.

“Well, come on then. I have some cookies I made earlier in the week I want you to try.”

Loki grinned a bit before heading off to the kitchen and Clayton could only make another noise of exasperation.


	24. The Magical World of Wally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry" - Assemblage 23

Loki quietly nibbled on a peanut butter cookie as Sarah showed him pictures of different types of cookies on her laptop. Every now and then, he’d point at one that looked interesting. Finally, she made a pleased noise. “This is a nice list. I can’t promise I can make all of them, it’ll depend on what I have in the pantry, but it’s a good start.”

From the fridge, Clayton yawned as he put up the pizzas. “Well, I think I’m gonna watch a movie or something and go to bed.”

“Which one?” Loki looked over, curiously.

“I don’t know. I was thinking about maybe watching Stranger Things. I half started the first episode a few months ago but never picked it back up because the whole thing with Thanos happened.”

Sarah glanced at the time on the microwave. “Well, the news is on here in a few. I’ll see you two in the morning.”

Clayton quietly mused as his mother excused herself and disappeared out of the kitchen. He found it strange that she’d suddenly take off like that, bit decided not to question it. Then, he looked back to Loki. “You can watch, too, if you want?”

“Certainly.”

After making sure he’d put everything up, Clayton headed out of the kitchen and turned out the lights as he went upstairs. “Mom’s bedroom is downstairs, so we don’t have to worry about waking her up with the tv, as long as we don’t crank the volume up.” Then he quietly laughed. “I used to sneak out of the house so much when I was a teen. Used to sneak people _into_ the house, too.”

“I can relate to sneaking out.” Loki closed the door behind him and looked around the room. Clayton had done a bit of rearranging and put a few items into a box. “Going to take those with you?”

“Yeah. Couple of favorite shirts, some stuff I missed, and a couple books I thought you’d like.” Clayton fiddled with the tv a bit before he plugged a cable into the tablet and grinned slightly when the paused video appeared on the tv. “There we go.”

After grabbing two pillows to put under his hips, he settled on the bed and briefly stretched his legs as he got comfortable. Curiously, Loki looked over at him. “Is sitting on your tail uncomfortable?”

“Yeah. That’s why so much of my furniture either doesn’t have a back or has an area for my tail. After a while, it gives me a backache.”

Slowly, Loki sat down on the bed and rested his back against the headboard, but took the pillow Clayton offered him to tuck it behind him. Then, he hesitantly gestured at the other’s tail as it lazily wiggled. “May I?”

“Hm? Sure.” Clayton swished his tail into Loki’s lap and glanced over when the man began examining the tail blade. “I need to crack the sheath off it, but I’ve been too lazy. Might do that next time I take a shower.”

A baffled expression formed on Loki’s face and he carefully ran his fingers over the spine of the blade, unsure if Clayton felt the touch or not. “What do you mean?”

“When I shed, it doesn’t include my claws or the blade. Sorta like dry skin versus fingernails, I guess. But every so often, I’ll need to remove the outer layer.” He ran his thumb over the spine of the blade and then lightly wiggled it. The blade wiggled slightly and made a soft clicking noise as it did so. “Hear that clicking noise? It’s more of a feel for me, kind of a light pinch feeling, but that’s a pretty good hint that the sheath needs to come off. Actually…”

Clayton peered at the tip of the blade and lightly pinched the widest part between his fingers. When a small split appeared down the spine, he wedged the claw of his other hand into the split and began prying the two halves apart; it made a soft cracking noise as he worked on it. “It sounds worse than it really is.” He commented when he saw Loki’s vaguely disgusted expression. “I don’t have to do this with my claws, at least.”

After a bit more pressure, the sheath finally split in half and Clayton removed the two halves revealing the fresh, dark grey blade. Lightly, he wiggled the tip and flashed Loki a grin when it didn’t move. “And there’s your Weird Shit Clayton Does for the night.” Leaning over, he tossed the remains of the sheath into the trashcan. “Movie?”

Loki just grimaced a bit. “I’m…vaguely disgusted but also curious on what other strange things you might do.”

“…I lose and regrow about two teeth a month.”

This caused Loki to look over at the other man with a vaguely horrified look, but he also recalled the prank in the pond. “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely.” Clayton opened his mouth and tugged his cheek slightly to show a molar on his lower jaw that had partially come in. A gap on the other side on his upper jaw suggested the recent loss of a tooth there. He dropped his hand and shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt. I’ll just be brushing my teeth and boop! Tooth falls out. The root basically just dissolves. So, none of the teeth I have are older than a year. It works out well when I get punched and loose teeth.”

As Clayton explained, Loki steadily got more horrified and a slight bit ill looking. “I regret asking. Let’s just watch the movie.”

This caused him to laugh at Loki, but he briefly leaned forward to start the episode. Honestly, Clayton couldn’t remember very much about the first episode, but he quickly found himself hooked on the show. Then again, he had a massive love of anything scifi. Still, he steadily felt the need for sleep creeping in and after the third time he yawned, he looked over at the other man. “I’m honestly about to pass out. Call it quits for tonight?”

Loki yawned as well but had also found himself immensely interested in the tv show. “One more episode?”

“Yeah, I think I can manage it.”

The next morning, Sarah made her way upstairs to see what Clayton and Loki were interested in for breakfast. However, she found Loki’s room empty and curiously walked to Clayton’s. There, she couldn’t help but smile. The tv still displayed whatever show they’d been watching, but it’d been paused at some point in the night. Clayton had curled up on his right side with his right arm under the pillow, his left firmly clung to by Loki who had it pulled to his chest. Loki, meanwhile, had his face buried against Clayton’s chest and didn’t seem to mind that Clayton’s tail had snaked over his waist, then looped down to lightly coil around his leg.

She shook her head and quietly closed the door so June wouldn’t bother the two. It absolutely amused her that they claimed they were ‘just friends’. Maybe they were both oblivious or simply in denial, perhaps Clayton simply worried about what she might think, considering the overall bias the south had about same sex relationships. Honestly? Sarah just wanted him to be happy. The door closing briefly woke Loki up, but he remained in a half-asleep state and his mind simply registered being comfortable. So, he simply shifted slightly to further block out the light and dozed back off to sleep.

The smell of food slowly roused Clayton and he sleepily started stretching, but froze when his knee bumped into something soft. He opened his eyes and stared at the black hair in front of him. Bit by bit, he registered where his limbs were and how Loki clung to his arm. Clayton struggled to calm his pounding heart; they’d just fallen asleep while watching the tv show. _Nothing bad had happened_. He tried to focus on the act of extracting his limbs away from Loki, but his actions ended up waking the other man.

Loki slowly opened his eyes then stared at a grey t-shirt with the logo of a pistol of some sort and the words ‘Hand Cannons Inc. We Make Things Dead’. Sluggishly, his brain noted that he’d seen the shirt before and then he realized he had his arms wrapped firmly around something. That something wiggled slightly and gently tried to tug away from him. Still sleepy, he looked up and stared at Clayton for a moment. The man’s scruff had finally descended into a very short beard and between it and the sleep tousled hair, Loki definitely would have flirted with him, given the chance.

Quite suddenly, it clicked on his position and just what he had clung to in his sleep. He suddenly jerked away from Clayton and damn near fell off the bed. He didn’t really know how the other man would react, considering his past history of waking up with people. While he hoped their relationship had solidified enough that Clayton wouldn’t be bothered, Loki still worried. The other man seemed to have so many raw nerves despite the time that’d passed.

Loki’s flailing caused Clayton to jump a bit in surprise and finally sit up. He tried to ignore the warmth to his face; he absolutely did not just blush. His initial response hadn’t exactly been good, but it admittedly hadn’t been bad overall and he couldn’t deny that he’d slept pretty decently. Although, he didn’t know how much of that had been from being tired. He glanced over at Loki who’d found something very interesting to stare at on the bed. They continued to sit there in silence until Loki finally spoke.

“This didn’t happen.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.” Clayton noted. “I’m pretty sure after the show got turned off, you wandered off to your room.”

“I did.” Taking that as his hint, Loki slipped off the bed and ducked out of the room. While he didn’t mind waking up in people’s beds, he felt different about Clayton. He knew about the man’s past and didn’t want to do anything that might cause bad memories to surface. That being said, he honestly had enjoyed waking up next to him. However, he recognized the likely sexual incompatibility between them and figured a relationship wouldn’t work out. After all, he enjoyed a lot of sex and well…Clayton didn’t have an interest. Not to mention his bad experiences.

Loki shut the door to the guest bedroom behind him and stared at the window. Had he seriously just entertained the idea of a relationship? Absolutely not. He immediately squashed down the confused feelings and tried to focus on the day. Clayton had mentioned the idea of going to ‘Wally World’ to buy food…And perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to contact Thor to give him an update about things.

When the two finally slinked downstairs, Sarah gave them a knowing look. “Well, you two look well rested. Have fun last night?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mom.” Clayton replied as he dished up his plate; pancakes and bacon.

She snorted and shook her head. “Oh, bless your heart. I saw you two this morning.”

Loki busied himself by suddenly finding the glass of orange juice fascinating. Clayton, meanwhile, gave his Mom a purely deer-in-headlights look. “Saw what?”

“All cuddled up. It was adorable.” She sat down at the table and noted how neither of them would look at her. “And the fact that you’re finding the wall absolutely fascinating tell me plenty, Clayton. You don’t need to hide it.”

“Mom, there’s nothing to hide. There is literally nothing between us.”

This prompted Sarah to roll her eyes. “That’s what you said about Terri, and then Sean caught you one night sneaking her up to your room.”

“Aaaaand we’re moving on.” He stuffed a bit of bacon in his mouth.

Loki poked at his pancake and decided to change the subject. “Are we going to…Wally World, today?”

“Yes. Yes, we are. Immediately after breakfast. ‘Cause if I’m showing you around Earth, it’s one thing you gotta see.”

True to his word, Clayton hauled Loki out of the house and to the car where they drove in absolute silence for several minutes. Finally, Loki glanced over to Clayton. “Is she going to keep bringing that up?”

“Unfortunately.”

This news caused Loki to grimace a bit. “I can’t say I’m surprised. Last night, she told me she was happy that I cause you to ‘smile and laugh’ because you haven’t since you returned from war.”

Clayton made an exasperated noise. “Well, yeah. I was in pain and dealing with losing a lot of my buddies. Plus, people constantly bugging me to know what happened over there.”

For a moment, Loki remained silent, his mind churning over the video he saw last night. “Clayton, after you left last night. Your mom showed me some Christmas videos. One of them was after you returned.” He paused and glanced over to the other man who gave him a wary, but curious look. “I’m certain the phrase is derogatory, but…What’s a ‘sand nigger’?”

The phrase caused Clayton to sigh loudly. “Good ole Uncle Troy, the racist bastard. Yeah, I know what video you’re talking about. It is derogatory phrase for someone from the Middle East. Uh, ‘nigger’ was, and still can be, a derogatory phrase for black people. Since some Middle Easterners can be darker skinned and a lot of the Middle East is deserty…Well, there’s where the phrase came from.”

“I see. Thank you for explaining.”

“Unfortunately, you’ll still hear people using both terms. I hate those people ‘cause they’re usually the same _fucks_ who will happily jerk themselves off to the idea of going to war, but don’t give a rat’s ass about the soldiers that come home. Oh, sure, they’ll praise ‘em and shit, but they won’t do a damn bit of good to improve the care we get.” Clayton huffed and then sighed. “Sorry. Hot button issue for me.”

“No, I understand. Honestly, I’m happy you’re comfortable in talking about it.”

“Yeah…I guess it’s kinda nice to be able to talk about it.” He pulled into the parking lot and started looking for a parking spot. “Well, here we are.”

Loki scanned the parking lot and then looked baffled. “Wal-Mart? I thought you said we were going to Wally World.”

“Ahaha. Southernism. Wally World is another name for Wal-Mart.” He laughed before lightly nudging Loki and gesturing at himself. Once the illusion had gone up, he climbed out of the car. “Doesn’t look like there’s a lot of people here, so it shouldn’t be too bad. Gimmie the grocery list.”

Once he had the list in hand, he grabbed a basket and peered around the store to get his bearings. Then, for the next hour he proceeded to drag Loki all over the store while he grabbed various foods. Occasionally, he’d paused to explain about some sort of food. Loki, meanwhile, felt baffled over the sheer lack of fresh foods. Most things seemed to be prepackaged, frozen, or needed to be reconstituted. When they finally reached the fresh produce area, he still found himself underwhelmed by how small the selection happened to be.

“We’re kinda in the middle of growing seasons when it comes to the foreign countries.” Clayton commented as he bagged some bananas. “Most of the stuff I’m wanting to get we can snag from the farmer’s market tomorrow.”

“These foods came from other countries?”

“Yup! International trade is a great thing.” Clayton picked up one of the bunches of bananas and showed Loki the sticker which read ‘Product of Brazil’. “That’s way down south of us in South America.”

“That’s fascinating. Asgard was nearly entirely self-sufficient. Although, I suppose it was also smaller than Earth by a great deal and had a smaller population.”

When they reached the checkout lane, Clayton started piling the food onto the belt, but paused when he spotted a dirty blonde man wearing some sport’s team shirt. “…Shit. I’m pretty sure that’s Nate.”

Loki glanced at Clayton as he turned himself in hopes of hiding his face, but the man had already seen him. Quickly, the man jogged over. “Clayton?”

Clayton glanced over and immediately found himself in a hug. “Uh…Good to see you too, Nate.”

“Jesus Christ, man, I thought you were dead! What the fuck happened?!” Nate glanced at Loki for a moment, but looked back to Clayton.

“Shit with the war and…I just had a mental break. Couldn’t deal with it. Just…Had to get away from everything, y’know?”

Nate sighed and nodded. “Yeah. Robby enlisted when he turned eighteen. He came back and ended up…” He shook his head sadly. “So, you’re back from the dead, huh?”

“Oh yeah. Ole Lucifer got tired of me insulting his shit fashion sense.” Clayton piled a few more things onto the conveyor belt. “I’m just in town visiting Mom.”

“Oh, hey. How’s Mrs. B doing?”

“She’s doing good. Still batty about her damn chickens.” Clayton grinned. “Still gets mad that I hate her fried okra.”

This caused Nate to laugh and then he looked to Loki. “Didn’t know you had a brother.”

“Brother from another mother, man.” Clayton nudged Loki in the ribs with his elbow and got a slight glare. “This is Loki. I went backpacking in Europe for a couple years and met him over there. He’d never been to America, so I talked him into it.”

“I’m terribly sorry you had to be introduced to America by this jackoff.” Nate said solemnly, but he cracked a smile a few seconds after. Loki just chose to politely smile, but remained otherwise silent since the two seemed to be catching up on things.

“Nate, I am very fuckin’ sure I could still kick your ass. Don’t you have some sheep to molest or something?”

“Hey. Hey! It was _once_ …And I was drunk.”

Clayton laughed and slapped Nate on the back. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too. I’m glad you’re not dead, Clayton. I…Look. I was never mad at you about Randy. The dumbfuck was always going to get himself killed and he just picked the worst time for it to happen.” Nate sighed and shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “Just…Take care of yourself, alright? Gimmie a holler when you’re in town again and we’ll go out for a few beers. I’d take you out, but I just got off work and the wife wants to visit before I go to bed.”

Clayton gave a nod. “Will do, Boss.”

Nate glanced to Loki and shook his hand with a nod. “Pleasure meeting you.” Then he tilted his head to indicate Clayton. “Keep my dumbass friend here out of trouble. You should ask him about ‘Clint Eastwood’ sometime.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Nate.” Clayton face palmed and flipped his friend off as the man left. Then, he shook his head and sighed. “Well, that went better than expected.”

After a moment, Loki looked to Clayton. “So, about the ‘Clint Eastwood’ he mentioned…”

“Ugh. I’ll show you when we get everything unloaded and back to Mom’s.”

Once they were done at the store, Clayton made a quick stop at Xena to unload everything. Between the two of them, they were able to get the car unloaded and all the groceries put up fairly quickly. Though, every now and then, Loki paused to examine an item out of curiosity. He looked at the block of Velveeta cheese in his hands and recalled how Clayton had wanted it to make a cheese dip of some sort, “The cheese dip you mentioned earlier sounds interesting.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty good.” Clayton snatched up the numerous plastic bags and stuffed them into a single bag. “You about done over there?”

Loki set the cheese into the cabinet and closed the door before turning to look over at the other man. “Yes, I am. What do you want to do when we get back to Sarah’s?”

“I don’t know. I wanna take you to the restaurant tonight, but it’s not quite noon yet. Still have a few hours to kill.”

“You could show me what Nate meant by ‘Clint Eastwood.” Loki couldn’t help but smirk at the groan Clayton made. “I assume it’s embarrassing?”

“It’s just some dumb impersonation I did when I was a kid.”

“I still want to see it.”

“Of course, you do…” Clayton sighed and headed out of the ship. “I think we’ll leave tomorrow after we get back from the farmer’s market. I kinda wanna minimize the chances Mom has to show you embarrassing pictures of me.”

Loki settled himself into the passenger side seat. “It can’t be that bad.”

This just caused Clayton to grimace. “Matter of perspective.”

Upon entering the house, the smell of freshly baked cookies greeted them and the two men made their way to the kitchen. There, Sarah worked to dollop no-bake-cookies onto a sheet of aluminum foil. “Good, you’re back.” She emptied the pan and then drifted over to them to hand Loki the spoon and pot. “Loki, which do you want me to work on baking, oatmeal or peanut butter cookies?”

Curiously, Loki nibbled on the stuff stuck to the spoon and briefly had the memory of raiding the kitchens as a small boy. While he enjoyed the flavor, he didn’t miss the brief look of jealousy on Clayton’s face. “Either are fine.”

“Mom, we’re gonna go to that Mexican place down on Main and 6th, tonight. Do you want me to grab you something?”

She considered a moment and then nodded. “Sure. When are you two planning on leaving?”

“I was thinking around dinner time, but since you’re wanting some, a little bit earlier. Do you want a chicken quesadilla with extra guac, like you always do?”

“Make sure to get me a container of queso blanco.” She replied as she flipped through her cookbook to find the recipe she wanted.

“Well, yeah. You can’t have Mexican without that stuff.” Clayton set the pot in the sink after taking it from Loki, then looked back to the other man. “You want to see that video before Mom drafts you into helping her bake?”

Sarah sent the two an amused look, “Well, the helper gets the cookie dough. Besides, there aren’t many things that’re better than freshly baked cookies.” She moved to the fridge to begin pulling items out. “I have an idea for you, though: how about you go order and pick up the food?”

This caused Clayton to give her a flat look and thumped his tail against the kitchen island hard enough to rattle the pots and pans stored in its’ cabinets. He didn’t particularly care that she dropped the eggs in her hand out of surprise. “In case you’re oblivious to things: I have a fucking tail. I can’t exactly go anywhere in public without Loki using magic to cast an illusion that I’m human.”

“Well, I‘d prefer him to stay so I can see which cookies he likes the best. You have leftover pizza in the fridge, so you don’t really need to go to the Mexican place.” She moved over to grab a few paper towels in order to clean up the eggs she dropped.

Already, Loki could tell things were going poorly, but he didn’t know what to say without making things worse. He honestly hated being stuck in the middle of things, although…It all made him wonder if it didn’t have to do with Sarah’s comment about wanting a ‘normal’ child and then Clayton’s remark about how she’d handled his change remarkably well. Then, he grimaced slightly at how similar they looked and the entire mention of ‘being adopted’ from last night. If this happened to be an attempt on her part to replace Clayton…He’d could see why the man had taken off the way he did.

“What…What the hell, Mom? I get that you like fussing over my friends but…I’ve been gone for seven years. You thought I was _dead_.” Clayton stared at her, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. “Why am I standing over here playing second fiddle?”

Sarah threw away the paper towels and gave him an impassive look. “I thought you said you wanted to show Loki different things around Earth?”

He tightly pressed his lips together and glared at her slightly. Already, he knew what manipulative tactic she’d chosen to employ: twist things around to make him into the bad guy. He had to admit, all his skills at being able to nudge people into doing things came from her. She’d taught him well on how to do it. “Don’t pull this bullshit on me, Mom.” Clayton scoffed, “I’m not the teen you could manipulate, anymore.”

“I’m not pulling anything.” She kept the kitchen island between them and briefly focused on Clayton’s twitching tail.

“No. You’re trying to make me into the bad guy, just like every other time you didn’t get your way. Which is a fantastic fuckin’ way of welcoming me back…But…You know what, Mom? I don’t have to come back again. I’ve learned the very handy skill of burning bridges. Become really, really good at it, actually. And y’know what? I’ve got gas and matches in stockpiles. Adding one more bridge to the list ain’t gonna be any skin off my back. So, go on and keep your shit up. See where it gets you.” He turned and stalked out of the kitchen. Moments later came the sound of him stomping upstairs.

While Loki could appreciate the offer of food and cookies, as well as the politeness shown to him so far…He held no allegiance to the woman in front of him. Sarah looked to him and silently asked for him to pick a side. So, he did. “I believe I’ll be going with Clayton to dinner. I’m sure whatever you bake will be fine.” He quietly left the kitchen and slowly walked upstairs to give Clayton a chance to calm down. Upon reaching the door to Clayton’s room, he lightly knocked. “It’s me.”

“Yeah, come in.”

Carefully, he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. “I’m beginning to see why you abandoned everything having to do with your family.”

“She tried to get you to pick sides, I’m guessing?” Clayton sighed and looked up at Loki from his spot on the bed. “Sorry you’re having to see all this bullshit. I…Just kinda assumed she’d be happy to see me.”

“Not verbally, but I told her I’d be going with you to the restaurant.” Loki walked to the window and brushed the curtains to the side in order to look out at the front yard. “Are you wanting to stay till tomorrow? I’m fine with whatever you choose.”

“I honestly don’t know.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair out of frustration. “I wanna go to the farmer’s market in the morning but…I don’t know if things will improve or if she’ll keep pulling her shit. My mom’s the sort that acts like everything is fine until she suddenly snaps. I guess I’d hoped that all the years had maybe mellowed her out and she wouldn’t try to manipulate or guilt trip me.”

Loki finally sat down on the bed. “Well, as I said. I’m fine with what you choose. I’ve been enjoying the adventure thus far. Though, if you’re wanting to go to the market, you could…Simply pick a different state. It’d help minimize people noticing you.”

“You’re right. Guess we leave tonight after dinner, then.”


	25. Not Just a River in Egypt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Offworld" - Celldweller

They sat in Clayton’s room for a few minutes, in silence, before Loki finally spoke up in an attempt to ease the thick tension. “I enjoyed Stranger Things, was it? Would you like to continue watching it?”

This caused Clayton to quirk a slight smile. “Well, it’ll kill time until it’s dinner time. But…Are you just trying to distract me or do you actually like it? I don’t wanna make you watch something you don’t like.”

“I enjoy it. It’s different from everything else you’ve shown me. I’ll admit, I didn’t exactly like the first episode, but afterwards I found it to be very interesting.”

Clayton’s small smile turned into a grin. “Then yeah. We can watch it.” He got up and moved to the tv in order to start setting things up. “Probably wouldn’t hurt to get the leftover pizza, but…”

“You handle the tv, I’ll get the pizza.” Loki didn’t wait for the other man to respond and instead headed back downstairs. He didn’t see Sarah, but a few cooking ingredients had been left out so he assumed she planned to continue baking cookies. After locating the pizza box in the fridge, he worked on getting the slices heated up and quietly mused over things.

It seemed there were plenty of unspoken issues between Clayton and his mother, and returning had brought those issues back to the surface. While it’d become clear that Sarah did care about her son, she’d made more than a few mistakes. This caused Loki to wonder if the root of Clayton’s trust issues hadn’t stemed from how he’d been raised. Despite the issues, however, Loki felt he’d forged a decent amount of trust between Clayton and himself. He smiled slightly at the memory of the ‘Clayton Social Circle’. Likely, he sat in the third ring, but he didn’t know how close he’d gotten to the fourth. Really, only time would tell.

Once the microwave beeped, he gathered up the plates and napkins before returning to Clayton’s room. He offered the other man his plate and sat down after it’d been taken. “Your mom wasn’t in the kitchen. She left a few baking items out, but I didn’t see her.”

“She’s probably sulking at me calling her out and went to check the mail. I’m willing to bet money that when I tell her we’re leaving tonight, that she’ll play the victim and try to guilt me into staying.” The tip of Clayton’s tail wiggled in annoyance.

Loki picked at a bit of cheese, feta, on his slice of pizza. “What does she have to gain from trying to manipulate you?”

“She…She was always controlling in this vague way. I’m not gonna lie and say my parents didn’t spoil me. If I wanted something, they got it for me. I guess it has to do with me being their only surviving kid, so they were thankful they had me…But Mom was controlling in these small little ways. Always had to know what I was up to, where I’d be, who I’d be with, that sort of thing. I mean, when I was younger it made sense, but once I started getting older?” He shook his head. “It was frustrating. She wanted to know every little bit about my friends or the girls I dated.”

“You felt suffocated?”

“Yes! Exactly! Christ, more than a few times I had my friends cover me when I went on dates. Like…I’d say that I’d be going to Nate’s to study and then, Nate and I would go to Randy’s with the claim that I had a group project thing with Randy, but between Nate’s and Randy’s I’d fuck off for a date with whoever I was seeing. It was stupidly convoluted but it was the only way I had any amount of privacy. Else she’d call up the girl’s parents and basically demand to know if I’d gotten there, if I’d left, or whatever.” Clayton sighed and shook his head.

“You were her only child who survived and she wanted to protect you, but she went a bit…” Loki hesitated, not entirely sure what the right word might be.

“Obsessive.” Clayton supplied and then shrugged. “I love her, I really do. I mean, she’s my Mom, but…It’s exasperating. About the only thing I can really agree with, looking back, is Mom and Dad trying to talk me out of enlisting…But, I don’t know. I don’t exactly regret it.”

“Hindsight is always 20/20.” Loki mused.

This caused him to laugh. “Picking up on Earth sayings, huh? Well, I guess it was only going to be a matter of time.” Finally, Clayton tilted his head back and sighed. “Let’s just eat and finish this season. There’s only a couple episodes left.”

Loki simply made a noise of agreement and picked up his plate to begin eating. The rest of the episodes proved to be quite interesting and he found himself disappointed when they finished the last one, but noted how it’d ended on a bit of a cliffhanger. “Are there more?”

“Yup. But I wanna take a little bit of a break and stretch my legs. I think my ass fell asleep two episodes ago.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea. Honestly, I need to check in with Thor to see if there’s been any issues and how S’li has been doing.” Loki gathered up the dishes. “I shouldn’t be gone for very long.”

Clayton nodded, “Sure, take your time. I’m not really in much of a hurry.”

He briefly passed through the kitchen to dump off the dishes and noted how Sarah blatantly ignored him. Loki found this to be somewhat strange since she’d always been warm towards him, however, he did keep in mind Clayton’s earlier comment about her ‘sulking’. Still, he politely gave her a slight nod as he went outside. It took him a moment to find a somewhat isolated spot, but soon, he weaved his magic and threw his illusion to Thor.

Thor startled slightly at the sudden appearance of his brother, but couldn’t help but smile at the clothes Loki wore. “Are you on Earth?”

“Yes, how did you know?”

“Your interesting choices of clothes.” Thor lightly gestured and grinned broadly at the glare he received.

“I talked Clayton into a vacation and we’re currently on Earth. He insisted I wear something cooler and I reluctantly must admit he was correct.” He still couldn’t help but be annoyed over it. “How are things going with S’li?”

“Quite well. She’s learning a great deal about Asgardian culture and I about Orussid culture which has helped tensions considerably. Both of our races are surprisingly similar in terms of culture. We’re also preparing another shipment which should leave in a few days.” Thor still found the clothes that Loki wore to be quite hilarious, but chose not to bring it up again. “How are things on your end?”

“Considerably better than a few weeks ago. As I mentioned, I convinced Clayton to take a vacation and we’ve essentially been wandering around the galaxy. Xena has a few things in mind and so we’re primarily just going with what she wants to do, but neither of us really mind since she’s interested in unique galactic events. Clayton’s been introducing me to a number of earth foods, shows, and places.” Loki smiled slightly. “A few days ago, we visited one of Earth’s museums. Presently, we’re at his mother’s but due to some minor disagreements between them, we’ll be leaving tonight. However, before we leave Earth entirely, he plans on taking me to a farmer’s market in the morning.”

Thor sat there in amusement as Loki continued talking…About Clayton. Everything his brother said had to do with the Orussid King. The man’s habits, his food preferences, the books and movies he enjoyed, his inclination to being a prankster, and yet…Not a single word related to the peace treaty or the trade agreement. As Loki talked and gestured, Thor took note of a wood bead bracelet on his wrist and decided to ask about it when he found a chance to speak. “That is an interesting bracelet, Brother. Where did you get it?”

Loki blinked a few times, caught off guard by the question. He glanced down at it for a moment before looking back to Thor. “Clayton bought it for me. Why do you ask?”

The amused look on Thor’s face only got worse. “Ah, so you have started to become attached, then?”

“What? No. Of course not, Thor. Given that Clayton isn’t entirely Orussid, it’s beneficial to learn about his culture as well as the Orussid’s culture since he wants to introduce them to different ideas.” Loki briefly gave Thor a wide-eyed look at being called out before he slid a mask of indifference into place.

Thor, however, hadn’t been fooled. “Brother, you’ve mentioned nothing about the Orussid or the trade agreement. You’ve only spoken about Clayton during this entire conversation. It’s very clear to me that you fancy him in some way.”

“I do not.”

He stood up and walked over to the illusion of his brother, then restrained himself from placing his hands on the illusion’s shoulders. “Loki, you’re my brother. I know you too well to think otherwise. While I recognize the political benefit of two of the you being together, I won’t do the same as Father and try to arrange some political pairing. As long as it won’t harm the alliance, if you feel that it’d be in your best interests to be with him, then do what you wish. I won’t tell you that you should or shouldn’t.” Thor suddenly cracked a wide grin. “But I still say you like him…By the Nine Realms, you’re going on about him the same way I did about Jane to Fandral.”

Loki quietly snorted and looked away, but finally gave a very slight smile. “Perhaps, but I doubt it’d work out, just from what I know of him and because of that knowledge, I’ll keep my personal feelings to myself.”

This prompted Thor to give the other man a somewhat sad look, “You should still try. Father forbad me from my relationship with Jane, and I ignored him. While he was correct in that it didn’t work out, I don’t regret being with her at all. You never know what’ll happen, Loki.”

“Perhaps, but I feel it’d be best not to. Regardless, I need to go for now.”

Thor lightly bowed his head, “Till next time, Brother.”

After banishing away his illusion, Loki stood there under the tree and frowned. Everyone seemed to think they were in some sort of relationship when they weren’t. It’d started to get a bit frustrating. He quietly sighed to himself and made his way back to the house. The kitchen smelled of freshly baked cookies, but he ignored it and Sarah in favor of heading back upstairs.

Clayton glanced up when Loki returned and set his tablet to the side. “Everything going well?”

“Extremely. Thor and S’li are finding more things in common and a shipment is being prepared with plans of it leaving here in a few days.” Loki sat down on the bed.

“Sounds great. Ready for the next season?”

“Of course.”

Part way through the second season, Clayton finally called it quits. “I’m starting to think dinner wouldn’t be a bad idea. What about you?”

“I agree.” Loki lightly stretched before getting off the bed. “Still wanting to go to the…Mexican place?”

“Hell yeah!” Clayton rolled off the bed and put the tablet, along with a few other things into the box he’d set up. Then he grimaced at the door as he picked up the box. “I think it’d be better if I inform her we’re leaving _after_ dinner, because I don’t want her to put me into a shitty mood.”

“Yes, I agree, especially with what you told me earlier.” He replied as he followed Clayton out of the room.

Clayton sighed and steeled himself for whatever drama might happen. “Mom! We’re headed out to the Mexican place. You still want me to bring you something to eat?”

Sarah walked to the kitchen opening and stared down the hall at the two. She hid a slight frown at the idea of them going out to eat. “Yes, that’s fine.”

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes when his Mom continued, he assumed, baking. Clayton looked back to Loki and shrugged before grabbing the keys. Once they were outside, he sighed. “Well, it went better than I expected.” Briefly, he popped the trunk open to shove the box in before climbing into the car. “You’ll really love this place, I promise. They have great food.”

Mid-way to the restaurant, Loki quietly illusioned Clayton and offered the man a slight smile when he looked over. “I remembered this time.”

“Hey, it’s the first time I’ve been able to wander around Earth without needing a holograph emitter. They work, but…They’re not as realistic as what you can do. I honestly appreciate it.”

Once they finally arrived at the restaurant, Clayton gestured at the two of them to the hostess and slid himself into the booth before flipping open the menu. He jabbed a finger at a picture, “That’s a nacho supreme and I seriously recommend you getting it. Basically, it’s got chips covered in ground beef, chicken, refried beans, a bunch of different veggies, cheese, guacamole, and sour cream. It’s really, really good.”

Curiously, Loki peered at the indicated image and slowly nodded, “It does look interesting.” He carefully examined the menu and quizzically stared at one of the deserts. “What’s deep fried ice cream?”

Clayton gave a wide grin. “I’ll get you some. It’s great.” He looked up at the waitress and said a few things in Spanish, lightly gesturing as he spoke. Once he finished, he looked back to Loki. “I don’t know much Spanish, but it’s enough to order food. They know English, but I’unno. They always seem pretty happy when someone knows enough Spanish to order.”

“You seemed to speak it well enough, I think you mixed up a few of the words, but understandable enough.”

“…What? You know Spanish?” He glanced over at Loki who smiled.

“No, I don’t. Asgardians and many other heavily magically inclined races have the ability known as ‘All-Speak’. It allows us to understand and speak any language, if we choose to employ it.”

“Wow. That’s pretty handy. I wish I could do that, it woulda saved me from having to learn like…five other languages.” Clayton laughed. “So, do you actually know English?”

“It is very handy, especially when I visit different worlds and…No, not really. I don’t really _need_ to learn other languages since I’m able to know what’s being said.” Loki paused and smiled slightly at the waitress who set a glass of water down next to him. “I can also be selective with it. For example, if I wanted, I could prevent others from knowing what I’m saying but the person I’m talking to would understand…If that makes sense.”

“That makes perfect sense. Wow. That’s really damn cool. So…What was that language you were yelling at me in at the pond?”

“Asgardian.” He looked down at the table and laughed. “If I’m honest, I was cussing at you.”

This caused Clayton to laugh and grin, “I deserved it, but it was too good of a chance to pass up. So, you know what I ordered for you?”

“I do. It sounds very good.” He glanced up when a basket of tortilla chips and a bowl of white cheese dip was placed between them. Curiously, he picked up a chip and dipped it into the cheese before taking a tentative taste. “You’re right, this is good.”

“Right?! That stuff goes fantastic on everything.” Clayton popped a chip into his mouth. “This place has some of the best damn Mexican food I’ve ever had…And I’ve been to a lot of different places.”

“What’s your favorite food, then?”

Clayton thought for a few minutes and then finally shrugged. “That’s really a hard one. I like a lot of different foods from a lot of different cultures. I’m the type of guy that if I can stomach the smell of something, I’ll try it…Even if it looks disgusting visually. I guess…You’ll need to narrow it down. Do you mean overall or just here on Earth?”

“On Earth.”

“Alright, well, that helps out a lot. Beef stroganoff with sour cream. It’s…Kinda my go to comfort food, I guess.” Clayton grinned slightly. “What about you? Gimmie something Asgardian that you like.”

Loki considered this question and then gave a fond smile. “Asgard was mostly a temperate land, but sometimes, it’d have great blizzards…The sort where the wind howls and you’re certain it’s some fantastical beast. And the kitchens would create a feast, all sorts of roasted animals, breads, sugary baked fruits…But my favorite thing was the stew. It had chunks of tender meat, vegetables, a thick broth, and just the right spices. I loved it.” He looked down with sad smile. “With Asgard’s destruction, I doubt I’ll ever have it again.”

“Don’t be so sure.” He lightly nudged the other man’s leg with his foot. “I’ve found a lot of different things in space that’s extremely similar to what I’m used to on Earth. It just might take some time to find the right ingredients, but as long as there’s Asgardians, the recipe isn’t lost.”

“You’re right…I’m just going to miss Asgard. It was a very beautiful place.”

Clayton nodded slightly. “That’s gotta be rough.”

“It is, but Asgardians are resilient. The planet Thor picked reminds me a great deal of Asgard, and I look forward to seeing it developed.” He paused when their dinners were set down in front of him and his mouth watered at the smell of it. “However, I think rather than thinking about the future, I want to focus on the now. In particular...”

This caused Clayton to laugh, “Told you it was good.” He’d ordered the same thing and immediately dug into his food after drizzling the cheese sauce over it. “By the way, this is a combination finger food and fork. Just kinda use whatever...And Loki? Make sure to save room for desert.”

Loki simply nodded and focused on his dinner. When he’d finished most of it, Clayton flagged down the waitress and made a quick request for desert, as well as to go boxes. This caused him to remember the comment about deep-fried ice cream and he curiously waited. When the plate had been sat down in front of him, he stared at it in bafflement before looking up to Clayton who simply grinned. Loki frowned and took a bite of it. The sudden coldness of the desert surprised him. “This is good.”

“Well, yeah. I’m gonna try and show you all of the good stuff.” Clayton dug into his own deep-fried ice cream and tried not to lazily swish his tail in contentment.

Loki jumped when something suddenly smacked into his knee and he looked up only to see Clayton duck his head. “Was that you?”

“Yeah. Sorry, tail…” As useful as the appendage could be, Clayton often hated how it sometimes seemed to have a mind of its own when he focused on other things…As well as how it always betrayed his emotions.

“Hmn. Well, honestly? This is good enough that if _I_ had a tail, I’d probably wag it.” He didn’t exactly know why, but Clayton seemed almost embarrassed. Perhaps some of it had to do with him still getting used to it. After all, he hadn’t been born with it. Either way, Loki tried to make light of the situation.

Clayton just looked down at his plate and rubbed the back of his neck. This prompted Loki to sigh and roll his eyes. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. Considering how long it is, it’s not going to be easy to find a place for it. You just startled me, that’s all.”

“It’s not just that. The stupid thing shows the world how I feel, and I hate that.” He pushed his plate to the side of the table to indicate that he’d finished.

“I can understand that, but I’ve found it somewhat helpful in gauging your mood. It’s made it a great deal easier to know when I should approach you and when I should leave you alone.” Loki finished off his desert and set the plate on top of Clayton’s.

This made Clayton quietly scoff, “Yeah, I’m not the most approachable person in the universe.”

“And you have plenty of reasons to be that way.” Loki picked up his to-go-box and followed Clayton to the front of the restaurant. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t tip toe around you at first, but…I have a much better understanding, now.”

Clayton slowly nodded as he paid for their meal. “Defense mechanism, I guess.”

“Of course.” Loki organized the carry out boxes Clayton gave him and then glanced at the other man. “I assume we’re leaving this at Xena before returning the car and explaining to your mother how we’re leaving?”

“Bingo. I have no idea how she’ll react, but I’m expecting that she’ll try to guilt trip me into staying.” The idea made Clayton grimace. He really didn’t want to deal with it, but knew he’d have to…Besides, he didn’t feel dickish enough to just up and vanish again. This time, he didn’t really have a good excuse for it.

The stop at Xena ended up being very brief, and Clayton reassured the AI that they’d be back soon before heading back to his Mom’s. After killing the engine, he stared at the house for a long moment and snorted. “Christ, I feel like I’m 16 again and I got home after curfew.”

Getting out of the car, he headed up to the house with Loki at his heel, despite telling the man he could stay outside. After hanging the keys up, he walked into the kitchen and set his Mom’s take out box on the counter. “Just so you know, we’re leaving.”

Sarah looked up from her laptop and glanced between the two men. “What? Why?”

“Because spending the night made me remember why I moved to Chicago. As much time as you’ve had, you’re still the same and I, frankly, don’t want to deal with it. You know I’m alive, you have my e-mail, and I’m not gonna stick around.”

“So, that’s it? You’re just going to take off? I thought you were dead for seven years!” She stood up and glared. “I barely know who you are, now.”

“Mom, you haven’t known who I am for a long, long time. It’s a bit late for that.” He gestured at the take-out box. “There’s your food.”

“Don’t you dare walk out of this kitchen.”

“Or what? You’re going to yell at me? Ground me? Threaten to sell Skipper? What the _fuck_ can you possibly do?” He laughed. “Threats don’t work on me anymore. Christ, do you know how many times I’ve had people threaten to kill me? Getting threatened is just a normal Thursday for me. Good-bye, Mom.”

Loki took a step back as Clayton passed him, gave Sarah a final look, and then followed the other man out of the house. While they had a slight bit of a walk in front of them, he didn’t really mind. Nighttime had brought somewhat cooler temperatures and he enjoyed listening to the nighttime wildlife. When they finally reached the ship, Xena dropped her cloak and lowered the loading ramp for them to board.

Clayton paused when he saw headlights on the dirt road that led up to where Xena had landed. “Hold up, Loki.” He eyed the vehicle, as it parked and then recognized it as his Mom’s car. When she got out of the car, he sighed. “What do you want, Mom?”

Sarah stopped at the end of the ramp and looked up at the ship. “This is your ship?”

“…Yeah. This is Xena. Probably the only ship with more sass than me.”

She looked between the two men for a moment before shoving a gallon ziplock bag into Loki’s arms. “Loki forgot his cookies.”

Clayton quietly scoffed. “Of course, he did. Are you done?”

Sarah only gave him a flat look before turning and walking back towards the car. This caused Clayton to shake his head before he stepped into the cargo bay. “Wrap it up, Xena! Let’s go!”

Loki stood there a moment in surprise before following Clayton up to the second level. “That went poorly.”

“Yeah, but I’m not surprised. I’m probably gonna have an angry e-mail in the morning…But whatever.” Clayton flopped down into the hammock and stretched. “Xena, take us into low altitude orbit for the night and turn on the news.”

“Do you have a destination in mind?”

“Not really. Do a search and let me know the different farmer’s markets that are going on in the morning.” After Xena acknowledged his request, Clayton shifted his attention to the news.

“The CEO of Twitter still denies allegations of banning the President’s Twitter account and White House IP address. Reports circulating claim all traces of the account have been deleted and restoration of the account isn’t possible.”

“…Xena?”

“Yes, Clayton?” A hint of smugness oozed out of the AI’s synthesized voice.

“Would you have anything to do with that?”

Loki nibbled on a cookie as he glanced between Clayton and one of Xena’s cameras. While he didn’t know her full abilities, he already suspected that she’d been involved.

“I got bored…And annoyed.”

Clayton smiled slightly and chuckled. “Good girl.”


	26. Subtle Manipulation of the Electric Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Electric Eye" - Celldweller

Per usual, Clayton got up early the next morning, grabbed his cup of coffee, and meandered to the helm. There, he lazily sipped on his coffee and stared at the Earth in front of him while he woke up. Xena didn’t present him with a morning report, so he assumed nothing had happened overnight. Finally, he yawned. “Did you find a farmer’s market?”

“Yes, I did. There’s one in Florida I thought you’d enjoy.”

He glanced over at the display when information popped up and made a quiet noise of agreement as he continued drinking his coffee. While he had a bit of a mental list of what he wanted to buy, it really depended on what the market had to offer. He didn’t expect to have a wide variety of foods to choose from since the summer growing season had started to end. That being said, maybe he could pick up some squashes…

“So, what happened while you were gone?”

“Ugh. Drama. Mom acted like she was fine with me looking the way I do, but she started ignoring me in favor of Loki. I mean…His mom’s dead, so I didn’t really mind at first…But holy shit, she just absolutely just started ignoring me and…”

Xena cut him off. “Not with her. With Loki. You two are acting different around each other.”

Clayton gave the front window a bland stare. “Nothing happened.”

“And yet…You two were staring at each other last night when you thought the other wasn’t looking and giving each other a much wider berth. So, what happened?”

This caused him to duck his head and sigh. He hated being called out, but he knew that once she got interested in something, she wouldn’t leave it alone. “We went up to my old bedroom to watch Netflix and ended up falling asleep. I woke up with him clinging to my arm and basically drooling on my chest.”

“That hardly seems like anything to be awkward about.”

He sighed loudly and glanced towards the helm door; the rest of the ship remained silent. Yet, when he spoke again, he kept his voice hushed. “I…After I got over the initial…Panic of finding someone there, I kinda liked it.” Clayton looked down at his coffee cup and lightly swirled the liquid around. “I’m just tired of being alone. You’re great, and I think you’re awesome, but…”

“I’m a disembodied voice attached to a ship.” Xena supplied, amused that her plan of creating a friendship between the two men might have inadvertently evolved into something else. “I understand what you’re saying, continue.”

“I was gonna try to say something with a bit of tact, but…Yeah.”

When a moment passed without him saying anything, she decided to gently verbally poke him. While she knew he trusted her more than anything else in the galaxy, he could still prove difficult at times despite all the years they’d traveled together. “I sense an unsaid ‘but’ to your prior statement concerning being alone.”

“But, I can’t shake the fear of what happened to me happening again.” He scoffed. “It took me six months to be able to touch myself without getting sick to my stomach…And I still can’t stand the thought of being touched by someone, even though it’s been three years. That’s not going to be productive to a relationship, not to mention all the other bullshit I have going on with the nightmares and the spacing out shit.”

“Does he know?”

“…Most of it, yeah. Fucker is better than you sometimes at getting me to talk.” He drained the coffee cup and then tilted his head back. “And the guy thought about killing me, yet…Here I am. But how do I know his friendliness isn’t some elaborate plot?”

“If he knows, then he also knows he’ll need to tread lightly. As far as his past actions go, he did it out of fear. We’ve confirmed this. If it were some elaborate assassination plot, he’s had plenty of chances to kill you. I realize you have deep rooted trust issues, and for good reason, but not everyone who shows you kindness wishes to stab you in the back, Clayton.”

“I know, Xena, I know. It’s just…” He sighed and looked down at his hands. “The last relationship broke me in so many ways and I’m scared that…I’m scared if the next one goes bad it’ll kill me.”

Xena mused for a moment before she finally spoke. “In Earth mythology, angels are celestial beings who look after their charges, or depending on the sources, can be fearsome warriors who won’t hesitate to strike down their enemies. You nicknamed me early on as your ‘Cannon Angel’.”

He smiled a bit at the name. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. ‘Cause you helped me through a dark part of my life and I put that big ass cannon on your nose.”

“Then allow me to live up to my nickname. We both know you’re prone to overthinking, so…Do what you feel is best, I’ll watch over you, and protect you if needed. I may just be a machine with a mockery of human emotion, but I do care for your wellbeing. You know you’re the sole organic in the universe I would never willingly harm and...If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for.”

“I know, Xena. I know. I just…Don’t want to make things awkward if he doesn’t feel the same.”

“I believe he does…Based on my observation of his behavior during this particular outing.” She paused and then added. “He’s awake, by the way.”

He pushed himself up to his feet. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Try not to overthink things, Clayton.”

Loki had long since gotten used to the smell of fresh coffee and always used it as an indicator that Clayton had gotten up. Unsurprisingly, he spotted the man in the process of fixing himself a cup…Likely his second or third cup of the morning. “I’m still baffled over how you can drink coffee. It’s bitter.”

“I didn’t know you tried it.” Clayton took a seat at the table and wrapped his hands around the mug.

“Once. I prepared it the same way you do and…” He shook his head. “Absolutely bitter.”

“Oh! Most people drink their coffee with sugar or creamer. I just like mine black.” Clayton got back up to his feet and started working on another cup of coffee. “It’s pretty bitter if you don’t add anything to it and is pretty much an acquired taste.”

“Interesting, I didn’t know that.”

While the cup brewed, Clayton pulled the milk out of the fridge. “I don’t have creamer or anything, but some people will just use milk instead.” Once the coffee had finished, he set it, the sugar, and the milk in front of Loki. “Just kinda experiment with it.”

Curiously, Loki added the same amount of sugar to the coffee as he usually added to his tea and waited for it to cool. “I just assumed it was drank as is.”

“There’s a lot of different ways to drink coffee, but some people just don’t like it.” Clayton took a tentative sip of his own coffee and found it still a bit too hot.

“Did Xena find a farmer’s market?” Loki never really knew if the AI would remain silent or chime in and he smiled slightly when she spoke.

“I did, in northern Florida. It’s supposed to be potentially rainy, so I’d recommend jackets.”

Clayton looked up at the camera and smiled, “Thanks for the heads up.”

Carefully, Loki took a small sip of the coffee and made a quiet noise of surprise. “This is considerably better than when I tried it, but I’m not entirely sure I like it.”

“Wait till it cools down a bit more. You’re not going to get much flavor while it’s still super hot.” He grinned a bit. “I’m kinda a coffee snob and I like flavored coffee. Taking a few classes at the community college ruined me. I didn’t want to make multiple trips up to the place each week, so I crammed all my classes into one day…So I ended up with back to back classes. They had a little store there and I ended up getting a lot of Starbucks.”

“Starbucks?”

“It’s a coffee store chain. They sell a lot of fancy flavored coffee. It’s mostly milk and sugar…Since you like sweet stuff, you’d probably like it. If there’s one near the farmer’s market, I’ll get you some.” Clayton took another sip of his coffee before starting to pull out food for breakfast.

Loki sipped on the coffee for a moment, but frowned. “You don’t have to. While I appreciate your willingness to purchase things for me, I’m…Somewhat hesitant over the idea. I dislike being dependent and I feel I’m taking advantage of you, which is something I don’t want to do.”

“It’s Xena’s play money account. Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

“Clayton’s correct. I have numerous accounts on Earth since I enjoy playing the stock market. The one he’s been using is one of my smaller ones at a little over ten thousand. I predominantly keep it topped off with funds for when he’s on Earth or if he decides to go on a spending spree on Amazon. He once spent close to two hundred dollars on beef jerky.” Xena didn’t bother to keep the judging tone out of her voice.

“Hey! It was ten pounds of beef jerky! I ate on that for like…Three months. Plus, it was on sale.” Clayton replied as he tossed the ham into the pan. “You’re not really one to talk, _Xena_. That fuckin’ cannon on your nose was two mil.”

“…Bitches love cannons.”

Clayton snorted loudly and looked over at Loki, then laughed at the man’s confused expression. “I’ll have to show you some funny stuff on Youtube.” Then, he blinked a few times. “Which reminds me! Xena, he doesn’t know what memes are.”

“No wonder he’s always confused at our jokes.”

“To be fair, our jokes are pretty shitty.” He flipped the ham over, then looked back to Loki. “Do you want some scrambled eggs and hash browns with your ham?”

Loki glanced over at Clayton, “Yes, that would be fine. Though, I have a question…Since coffee can be made in different ways, I assume this holds true for other foods?”

“Absolutely!” Clayton pulled out two more pans and a few other items. “Some people eat their scrambled eggs with cheese and hot sauce, or they’ll mix up bits of ham and green onions. There…Really isn’t a wrong way to eat a lot of Earth foods. Asgard didn’t really experiment with their food?”

“Oh, no. It’s just that Earth has a much wider variety of foods than Asgard did. One of my favorite things to do when I traveled was sampling different foods, but I never lingered long enough to find out the different methods of preparing them.” Loki smiled a bit. “Honestly, Earth has so many different foods and cultures that I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed.”

“You just wanna try a bit of everything?” Lazily, Clayton moved as he prepped the pans and worked on mixing the eggs. Behind him, his tail remained still except for the tip periodically curling and uncurling slowly. Every now and then, he’d snag his cup of coffee to get a drink as he worked.

“Yes, exactly.”

“I know what’cha mean. I was the exact way when I got into space. ‘Cause suddenly, there were all these different foods, and some of them were frankly disgusting looking.” He glanced at the hash browns for a moment before looking to Loki. “Do you want ketchup with your hash browns?”

Loki frowned, “I’m not entirely sure. I can try a small amount?”

“Yeah, it’s just something you can dip your food into.”

A few minutes later, Clayton set their plates down and sat down to eat. “Figure once we’re done eating, Xena can find a spot to land and we can wander around the farmer’s market. Maybe grab you some Starbucks if there’s a local place. ‘Cause I’m positive you’d love it.”

After landing, Xena gave the two directions to the farmer’s market. Luckily, a number of signs had been erected that pointed out where to do. When they finally arrived, the market had already become crowded with people looking to pick up fresh food.

Curiously, Loki looked around the market as he followed Clayton. It reminded him heavily of the Asgardian markets with the different stalls and people showing off their produce. Conversation quietly murmured around him as people browsed the selection and he found himself curiously peering at the stalls to see the offerings. Some of the fruits and vegetables he recognized, but others he didn’t. He found himself completely baffled by the large, ovalish, green… _Things_. Feeling much like a child, he lightly nudged Clayton. “What are those?”

Clayton looked over to what Loki had gestured at. “Watermelons.” He drifted over and started examining the ones on display. “I’m not sure if I want to get one, though…Since we have to carry it back and all.”

This caused Loki to quietly laugh and lean over to murmur to Clayton. “Using my magic, I can create small pocket dimensions to store things in.”

“…Alright. So, this is how you pick watermelons…”

Clayton proceeded to drag Loki all over the market in order to purchase different fruits and vegetables. Every so often, he’d pause to show the other man the proper technique for selecting certain melons or squashes, much to Loki’s delight. Finally, he reached the cantaloupes and gestured at them before he started sorting through them. “These are cantaloupes, and they’re absolutely great.”

Curiously, Loki picked one up and examined it, running his fingers over the rough skin of the…He really didn’t know what it could be considered. “How do you tell it’s ripe? They’re all the same color.” Abruptly, he had one shoved in his face and he pulled back in surprise. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Smell it, dummy.”

Loki gave the other man a wary look before carefully smelling of the cantaloupe. “I don’t smell anything.”

“Exactly. Now smell this one.” Clayton shoved a different one into Loki’s face.

He blinked a few times at the subtle sweet smell, “It smells sweet.”

“Bingo. That’s how you tell.” He indicated the unscented one in his left hand. “If they’re still green, they won’t have a smell. Ripe ones smell sweet.”

“That’s fascinating.”

Clayton grinned and purchased the ripe cantaloupe then dragged Loki to another stall. This ended up being the norm as he zigzagged through the market, bouncing from stall to stall when he saw something that interested him. Frankly, it caught Loki off guard. He’d never seen the other man so full of energy. Despite the issues between them, perhaps Sarah _had_ been correct and Clayton did feel happier by being around him. That being said, as oddly attractive as he found the other man, he remained hesitant on the idea of even trying anything. Still…He didn’t mind a friendship.

Once they finished at the market, Clayton promptly hauled Loki to the nearest Starbucks where he ordered them both coffees. At this point, Loki became convinced that Clayton’s hyperness had to do with how much coffee he’d already consumed. As far as he knew, the man had already consumed at least two cups of the stuff. Still, he couldn’t complain too harshly: the stuff tasted fantastic.

“This…” He indicated the cup. “I like this. It’s not bitter.”

“Told you.” Clayton sipped on his own coffee. “I’m not really sure what else to do. You wanna head back to Xena and ditch Earth? I’m sure she has a bunch of things she wants to see.”

“I wouldn’t mind that idea. It’d give me chance to continue reading The Hobbit.”

“I’m really glad you like the books. Let me know when you’ve finished them and we’ll watch the movies.” Clayton tossed his empty cup into a trashcan as they passed it.

“Another series? We still need to finish Star Wars and Stranger Things.”

“I know, I know. It’s on the list. There’s actually a bunch of shows I want you to watch.” He laughed and grinned at Loki. “I don’t know. I just feel like I’m trying to catch you up on two decades worth of Earth culture so you’ll understand my shitty references.”

“I wouldn’t call them shitty. I might not understand them or know the reference, but I still find them funny.” Loki shrugged slightly. “That must count for something.”

This surprised Clayton and he looked over at the other man. “Really? You don’t really laugh or smile that much. So, I just kinda assumed you were in this permanent state of being absolutely exasperated with me.”

“…No? I’m simply very reserved.”

“…Huh. And here I thought you didn’t like my jokes.” Clayton quietly laughed and glanced away with a slight grin.

“If I didn’t like them, I would have said so.” He looked towards Clayton with a slight eyebrow raise.

“Would you? I remember you mentioning that you were scared of me.”

This made Loki scoff. “If I’m completely honest, I haven’t been scared of you for some time. Once I found out the truth of things, I understood your behavior. If…Anything, you’re enjoyable to be around…When you’re not stressed from certain purple fuckers being around.”

Clayton laughed, “Alright yeah. I’ll give you that one.”

Once back at the ship, Loki pulled all the items they’d purchased out of the pocket dimension so they could be put up in the fridge. Clayton could only watch and be completely mystified. “I still have no idea how you pull that off.”

Loki sat the watermelon on the counter. “Magic.”

“Normally, I’d assume you were being sarcastic but…It’s literally magic.” He slowly shook his head. “I seriously had no idea such a thing existed. I mean, yeah, there’s your illusions and all, but…Wow.”

“I’m just full of tricks.”

“Yeah. Yeah you sure are.” Clayton plucked up the cantaloupe. “How about we cut this sucker open?”

“Only if we can continue watching Star Wars.” Loki sat down at the table while Clayton began digging through the knife drawer.

“Hah! Now you’re talkin’ my language.” After finding the knife he wanted, he pulled out the cutting board to start cutting open the melon and removing the seeds. “Xena, you wanna get the holoscreen set up?”

“Sure. By the way, I’ve already plotted a course.”

“Mmph.” Clayton held up a finger while he munched on a small slice of the cantaloupe. “Damn that’s good. Uh, something interesting you want to see?”

“Yes. A super-massive gas giant in the Jood system is undergoing electro-magnetic storms which are resulting in auroras covering most of the upper atmosphere.”

“Define ‘super-massive gas giant’.” He handed Loki a bowl of cantaloupe and a fork.

“To use a reference you understand, Jupiter is the largest gas giant in the Sol system. It’s roughly the average size of most gas giants due to the gravitational pull on the gases. There are quite a few gas giants who are arguably ‘bigger’ due to their mass, but they remain Jupiter sized due to gravity. Because of the gravity, they’re extremely dense, or…Well…Super-dense gas giants. Scientists aren’t the most creative at names you realize. Super-massive gas giants are the opposite.”

“Meaning?” Clayton sat down at the table, but looked at the camera curiously.

“They have less mass which allows them to become bigger than Jupiter. Most of them tend to have an upper limit of being one point five times the size of Jupiter. This particular super-massive gas giant is one point eighty-three times the size of Jupiter, making it a bit of an anomaly. I wish to view it and take sensor scans for my libraries.”

He looked to Loki and grinned. “Xena loves anomalies.”

“It does sound interesting.” Loki speared a bit of the melon with his fork and popped it into his mouth. Critically, he chewed on it and then gave a slight nod. “It’s very sweet. I like it.”

“Honestly? I’ve bought cantaloupes in the past, skinned and deseeded them, then just ate them in two days. They’re just absolutely great.” He popped some into his mouth. “Aight, Xena. Play the movie.”

When the credits of the second movie appeared, Loki looked over at Clayton in his hammock and found himself completely unsurprised to find him asleep. Clayton had half curled up on his side with his tail lazily flopped over his knees, curled up under his arms and over his ribs, and then back down behind him. Loki watched him for a moment with a slight smile, but then jumped slightly when Xena quietly spoke.

“Could you cover him up, please? His body temperature drops while he sleeps and he’ll wake up chilled in the morning due to the ambient temperature of the ship. You can find an extra blanket in the bathroom closet.”

Loki nodded slightly and did as instructed before retiring to his room. He didn’t feel quite tired enough to sleep just yet, so he plucked up The Hobbit with the intention of continuing it. Surprisingly. Xena spoke again.

“I wish to talk, and I also have a few questions for you.”

“Go on.” He lightly thumbed the pages of the book.

“Clayton mentioned the two of you falling asleep together while at his mother’s. I’ve also noticed how you look at him.”

Loki quickly slid a mask of indifference on to hide how he felt. “Exactly how do I look at him?”

“When you think he isn’t looking, you watch him and smile. As soon as he starts looking towards you, you immediately find something to occupy your attention.”

He remembered quite well on how protective Xena could be towards Clayton and he immediately assumed she didn’t approve. So, he sought to reassure her that nothing would happen between Clayton and him. “I…Won’t lie, because I suspect you can see right through them and you’re surprisingly adept at interpretating emotions. I do find him attractive and enjoyable to be around. However, I understand your protectiveness of him and I don’t intend to act on my interests.”

“And if I weren’t in the picture, would you then?”

“I…” He sighed and shook his head. “No. I’d like to, but…I don’t think it’d work out due to our sexual incompatibility. I enjoy sex and he doesn’t. So, I’m not going to try.”

Xena would have sighed in exasperation if she had a pair of lungs. Organics could be incredibly idiotic at times. “You _do_ realize he feels the same about you, correct?”

“What?” A look of bafflement formed on his face. “I realize he considers me a friend, but…”

“He does. However, his concern is similar to your concerns in that he’s worried you won’t want to deal with his issues. In addition, he’s also uncertain if you share the same emotions towards him.”

Loki sat there for a long moment, surprised at the sudden jumble of emotions he felt. Happiness that his attraction hadn’t been one sided, but concern and apprehension over how to approach the matter. Clayton _did_ have a number of issues and he didn’t know how to approach them from a romantic standpoint.  “So…How do I do this?”

“Ugh. You organics can be so idio–“

“No, Xena. I seriously don’t know how to approach him. I’ve never been around someone with his issues and I don’t want to break his trust. I’ve worked so hard to gain what I have and I feel that if I do something wrong, it’d completely shatter everything and I wouldn’t be able to regain it. I think I have one chance and…You know him the best. Tell me what to do.” He set the book down beside him and ran his thumb over his palm before fiddling with the bracelet. Since receiving the bracelet, he hadn’t harmed himself. Certainly, he also hadn’t had a nightmare as of late, but the bracelet had helped distract him during moments of stress.

Her irritation calmed when Loki clarified and she briefly considered his question. “You already know many of his issues, according to him. Is this correct?”

“I don’t know if I know his entire history, but…I know about his last relationship and what she did to him. Which is partly why I don’t know how to approach him. I don’t want to remind him of what happened.”

“Then you can empathize on why he’s wary about relationships?”

“Yes.” He looked down and slowly shook his head. “I still get angry thinking about it.”

“I’m unable to give you complete advice…I think most will simply be acting appropriately to him. Essentially? Go slow and give him the choice in everything. He’d be angry at me for this comparison, but…” She quietly laughed. “When it comes to relationships, think of him as a frightened animal. You have his trust as a friend, but you’ll need to start from scratch if you wish for a relationship. It’ll arguably be harder, as well.”

“It makes sense, to be honest.”

“Relationships are a very sensitive area for him. If he starts pulling away, _do not_ press after him.”

Loki shook his head, “No, your analogy of a frightened animal makes sense. You allow them to make the decision to come to you while making yourself as harmless as possible.” He sighed softly. “This…Will be hard. I’m used to pursuing someone, not waiting on them.”

“If you feel incapable, then I wouldn’t suggest trying.” Xena stated, her bland voice hiding the blatant bait she’d set out for Loki. The man seemed the type to enjoy challenges and take offense if his ability were doubted.

“No. I’m willing to try.”

“Just remember what I’ve said.” Saying nothing further, Xena turned her attention to the outside world and felt pleased that Loki had eagerly taken the bait.


	27. "My Heart is a Dumb Motherfucker."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Absolution" - The Pretty Reckless

Loki paced his room after talking with Xena, his thoughts jumbled together as he tried to come up with a plan. He didn’t quite know how to touch on the topic of a relationship with Clayton, at least, not without causing the man to potentially bolt. Obviously, some sort of peace offering would be best to start off the conversation…Something to put the man at ease. Though, with his trust issues, would it work or simply put him on edge? He already knew he’d have to give Clayton the choice in everything, and as much as he wanted to plan everything out...The man still remained unpredictable and his moods seemed to shift chaotically at times. It’d be a case of making things up as he went, unfortunately.

Still, the trust he’d gained so far would likely help him get a foothold. Quietly, Loki snorted and smiled. Had someone told him, several months ago, he’d be trying to woo the Orussid king…He would have called them an idiot and probably a few other choice words. And yet…He looked at the book laying on the bed, fondly. This would undoubtedly take some time to pull off, but likely worth it in the overall scheme of things.

The next morning, Clayton blearily opened his eyes and found himself momentarily confused on why he’d slept in the living area. Right, the movies. He must have fallen asleep during one of them. Slowly, he rolled out of the hammock after untangling himself from the blanket and made his way to his room to get ready for the day. When he returned, Loki sat at the table with a cup of tea, but a cup of coffee sat at Clayton’s usual place at the table. Though the other man smiled warmly, his words had Clayton immediately on edge.

“May we talk?”

“…Sure.” He carefully sat down at the table and warily eyed Loki as he pulled his cup of coffee closer.

Inwardly, Loki sighed at how Clayton’s body language had immediately turned defensive. However, he kept his expression neutrally pleasant. “I just want to present an idea to you after doing some thinking. I also want to stress it’s entirely up to you, and if you’re against it, I won’t bring it up again.”

Clayton eyed the other man but took a tentative taste of his coffee. “Go on.”

Loki silently steeled himself after finding himself suddenly…Anxious, much like when he first met the man in front of him. This time, for an entirely different reason. “I’ve found myself enjoying your company over the past few weeks, despite the rough first few days of knowing you. I might not understand the jokes or references you make, but I still find them amusing regardless. You’ve shown me a great deal of tolerance and patience, despite my past mistakes, something few have offered me.”

He looked down at his tea and quietly laughed. “I could likely continue on for some time about your attributes and the generosities you’ve shown me, but it’d simply delay what I’m trying to say. To…Put things tactfully but bluntly, I’d enjoy being an ‘us’ instead of being friends.”

He hadn’t really known what to expect, but Loki wanting something…More…A relationship that extended further than friendship hadn’t been it. Clayton froze, coffee cup partway to his mouth and stared at Loki. The other man simply waited with a slightly curious tilt to his head, but Clayton _stared_. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, what to even think. Just… “Why?”

“Why not?” Loki looked back up at Clayton with an amused expression. “You _do_ seem happier being around me and I’d be lying if I tried to claim I don’t find you strangely attractive…Both physically and mentally. I know you hold some degree of trust for me, and I value it immensely since it’s very clearly a rare thing for you to offer. I also know a relationship wouldn’t be easy and there’d be bumps and obstacles along the way…But I’m willing to try. However, it all depends on you. If you’re not interested or are opposed to the idea, then I understand and I won’t bother you again with the notion.”

Clayton set his cup on the table and lightly thumbed a crack on the handle where it’d broken and been repaired. A few chips of ceramic had been lost, but he’d managed to find enough to glue it all together again. It, in a way, reminded him of himself: broken and pieced back together, but never perfectly whole ever again. “I don’t know if it’d be a good idea. You sorta know the shit you’d be wading into. Do you really want to deal with it? I can go to some really dark places at times and I don’t wanna drag anyone down with me.”

“That may be true, and I’m sure there’s many analogies and sayings I could quote…” Loki smiled slightly as he recalled a memory. “It’s not quite the same, but it’s more relatable than quotes from hopeful writers, but, I’ve fought in battles. It’s better to fight alongside someone trusted and face death with them than to battle alone and stare at death with no one at your back. I want to be the person who has your back in a battle, be it against physical foes or the demons who haunt you.”

“Heh, yeah. Life can’t really be summed up by a Hallmark card.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “I mean…It wasn’t that bad waking up to you just about drooling on my shirt after I had my heart attack. I’m just…Loki, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if I have another relationship go badly.”

Loki chose to ignore the ‘Hallmark card’ comment. He didn’t understand the reference, but knew it wouldn’t be a good time to ask about it. “Then talk to me. If I do something that bothers you, let me know.” He quirked a smile. “Though, I beg of you: please don’t shove me into anymore ponds.”

“You just caught me off guard with that one. That’s one of the issues, Loki. If I get caught off guard, I lash out. You might get hurt.”

“Then I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m very durable.” He sipped his tea. “You remember Banner, correct? Are you aware of what he’s capable of doing?”

Clayton nodded, “Big, mean, and green.”

“During the Chitauri invasion, I…Got into an altercation with the Hulk and he essentially slammed me around like a rag doll. With the exception of a few minor cuts and bruises, I walked away unharmed.” Loki frowned at the memory. “I couldn’t say the same about my ego, but I digress.”

“I’m not entirely against the whole idea. It’s just…” He shook his head mutely.

“You’re afraid of being hurt again, so you’ve walled yourself away from everything in hopes of protecting yourself. As I said: I understand it’ll take time and things won’t go smoothly. I’m willing to try, if you are.”

“You’re better at figuring me out than Xena is, sometimes.” Clayton scoffed before taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s just…You’re saying things I’ve heard so many times before and I’m not sure I can believe it again.”

“Then allow me to show you. I don’t doubt you’ve heard the same things over and you’re wary of being hurt again…But I’m very willing to be patient and to play by your rules…Which isn’t something I’m willing to do for just anyone, I should add.”

Unfortunately, Loki had hit the nail on the head and presented a very convincing argument. Finally, Clayton sighed and nodded, but didn’t look at the other man. "I...Guess I'll give it another try. My brain says not to, but my heart is a dumb mother fucker. I just don’t know how to continue with this."

“Well, we’ve been doing fairly well, so far. I suppose we can simply…Do what we’ve been doing.” Hesitantly, Loki reached out to slip his hand under Clayton’s fingers where he lightly ran his thumb over the skin. “Frankly, I’m used to one-night stands, not relationships. I’m about as clueless on where to go as you are. I suppose it’s simply a matter of me continuing to prove my trustworthiness. Though, I must ask…Where would a significant other sit on the Clayton Social Circle?”

Quietly, he considered Loki’s words. He supposed it put them on somewhat equal footing since neither of them really knew what to do, but the whole idea of it made his tail twist anxiously. Clayton didn’t know if he could get into another relationship, but at the same time? He’d come to enjoy having someone around. “The level of deranged screaming and panic.”

“Good enough, I suppose.” Loki smiled slightly in amusement.

After the two had quietly eaten breakfast, Xena chose to interrupt the silence. “Since you two both expressed interest in the gas giant, I thought it fitting to inform you that we’ve arrived.”

Clayton glanced at Loki before grabbing his coffee and heading into the helm. Xena slowly orbited the gas giant and drifted along the rings composed of long since destroyed moons. The gas giant itself swirled greens and blues with the flickers of gigantic lightning storms deeper down in the atmosphere. Swirling and undulating through the upper atmosphere were the auroras, vivid reds and yellows that faded to green in places.

“I’ve never seen such red auroras before.” Loki commented, softly. “They’re usually blue or green.”

“Earth gets them, sometimes. I’ve only seen pictures since they tend to be more of a northern thing.” Clayton sipped his coffee. “Red auroras are supposed to be bad omens, usually war or death.”

“How ignorant.” Xena noted. “It’s simply due to location of the aurora themselves and the latitude from which they’re viewed. Blues and greens tend to be lower in the atmosphere, thusly seen easier at higher latitudes. Lower latitudes won’t be able to see the greens and blues since they’re hidden by the planet curvature, and they instead see the reds which are more predominant at higher atmospheric altitudes.”

“And there’s Miss Science Xena.” Clayton sent the camera an amused look.

Xena scoffed, “Science is more reliable than ignorant mythology and superstition.”

Loki simply shook his head at Xena. While he knew the scientific reasons behind the difference in color, he still found the superstition to be fascinating. “Asgardians are much the same way, though it would depend on when the aurora appears. If someone has come into power and a red aurora appears, it warns of a chaotic rule and potential death. If it appears during war, it signifies a swift victory.”

“Speaking of mythology…Loki, did you know that you and your family exist in Earth Norse mythology?”

“I’m vaguely aware of it, but haven’t done any substantial digging. It’s not very surprising, given how long-lived Asgardians are.” Loki glanced over to Clayton who seemed to be trying not to laugh.

“Okay, so…There’s a bunch of different of legends but…Apparently, there’s one where the mythological Loki turned into a mare and got knocked up by a stallion.”

Loki sighed loudly and pinched his nose. “Of course, they’d record that…”

“Wait. Wait. I have to know the story behind this.” Clayton, of course, simply assumed it to be some sort of prank or euphemism.

“I…Was younger and…Adventurous. Sleipnir was, admittedly, adorable while he tried to learn to stand.”

Clayton promptly choked on his coffee and clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from spitting it everywhere. Beside him, Loki made an exasperated noise while the other man coughed a few times. People rarely brought it up anymore, though Thor occasionally reminded him of it when he chose to be a giant prick.

“So, you seriously…Turned into a mare and…” Clayton vaguely gestured and stared at Loki, wide eyed.

“…Yes.”

“Oh my God!” He made a sound suspiciously like a wheeze. “…Well, it’s probably a good thing Skipper’s got his nuts cut off…”

“It was just the one time!” This caused Loki to glare at the other man. “Considering _you’ve_ traveled around space, I imagine you’ve fucked some pretty strange things.”

“Well, yeah…But I didn’t get knocked up from it.” He briefly inspected his shirt to make sure he hadn’t spat anything on himself. “So, if we get together, should I be worried about having to pay child support checks or something?”

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘child support checks’, but if you’re worried about any offspring, then the answer is no, you don’t.” Loki scowled slightly. “I’m certain that Sleipnir was killed with Asgard’s destruction.”

Clayton’s mouth snapped shut. He’d forgotten about that and awkwardly looked away since he didn’t really know how attached Loki had been. This caused Loki to sigh. “It’s fine. While intelligent, he was still an animal. Once he was old enough, he was taken to be trained. Father wanted him as a mount and I didn’t see him much after that.”

“I…Don’t really know how that all works, but it still sounds kinda shitty. I mean, he was still your kid.” Really, Clayton didn’t know what to think of this information, but it still didn’t sit right with him. He’d raised plenty of bottle calves and had always ended up getting attached to the dumb things.

“What’s done is done.” Finally, Loki sighed softly. “I apologize. It’s a somewhat…Awkward topic to talk about. I was young and very keen on experimenting.”

“How old are you, anyway?”

“About 1,000 or so. Thor’s a bit older than me.” Loki looked back towards the gas giant as the aurora slowly shifted colors towards more of an orange.

“…Dude, you’re frickin’ old.” He stared at Loki in disbelief.

“Ah…Not…Really? I’m only about twenty-one, if I were to translate my age into something more human.”

This put a bit of a different spin on things for Clayton. It meant that Loki had gone through the torture at a pretty young age, not too different from himself and the war, all things considered. “So, how old were you when you had…Sorry, I have no idea how to pronounce his name.”

“Sleipnir. I was fifteen when it happened. Truthfully, I hadn’t expected it.” Loki quietly laughed. “I always changed back shortly afterwards without any issue after sex in any female form. I found myself unable to change and…Well…I suppose I should have heeded the idea of Svaðilfari being a magical stallion a bit more closely.”

“Uh. Yeah.” Clayton shook his head a bit, still in disbelief over what he’d just learned. “Anyway…Xena, how long are you planning on hanging out to take sensor readings?”

“A few more hours.”

“Ah…Well. I guess I’ll go poke around in the engine room for a while.” Saying nothing further, Clayton slipped out of the helm, leaving Loki to look a bit bemused.

“He needs time to think about your suggestion of a relationship.” Xena noted.

“Is that normal for him?” Loki slipped into the pilot’s chair to observe the aurora as it continued to shift colors.

“As far as I can tell, yes. He tends to pull away if he needs to think and I imagine he’ll be doing it a lot. In the meantime, I suggest finding something to occupy yourself with; he’ll be ‘busy’ for a few hours.”

He smiled slightly, but nodded. “Noted. I’ll stay here for now. I’m enjoying the aurora. If you don’t mind, could you display the data you’re collecting? I’m curious about it.”

“Certainly.”

Clayton only returned to the living area around lunch time and had a bit of grease streaked across his face, much to Loki’s amusement. “I think you need to wash your face, Clayton.”

“Huh? Did I get stuff on it?” When Loki nodded, Clayton rolled his eyes. “Figures. Tore some stuff apart to check the filters. I’ve slacked a bit on Xena’s maintenance checks and since she’s an older ship, I should really stay on top of that.”

“Is everything in working order?” Loki lazily drifted to the bathroom door while Clayton washed up inside.

“Uhhuh. There’s a few things I’ll need to change in the near future, but it’s fine for now. I might climb into the vents tomorrow to work on a few things in there.” He dried off his face, then lightly shooed Loki away before closing the door.

Loki shook his head and returned to the kitchen area to heat something up for lunch. While interested in the notion of trying to cook something Asgardian, he hadn’t quite found the right foods and spices just yet. For the time being, he opted to simply heat up something packaged rather than dirtying up the kitchen.

When Clayton left the bathroom, Loki had heated them both up a bowl of pasta. At the other man’s look of surprise, Loki simply smiled. “I dislike the idea of you cooking everything, and besides, I’m wanting to eventually fix Asgardian foods once I find the right supplies.”

“Hey, I’m not gonna complain.” Clayton sat down and stirred his food. “Speaking of Asgardian food, what do you think about stew for tonight? I’m kinda wondering how close my recipe is to Asgardian stuff. I could use the help in cutting everything up.”

“I’d like that.” After his food had cooled, Loki took a curious bite of the pasta and found it good enough. “On a completely different note, you never did show me ‘Clint Eastwood’.”

Clayton groaned loudly and simply got up to go to his room. A moment later, he returned with his tablet and flipped through a few things before setting it down. Leaning forward, he pressed ‘play’ on the video, then slid the tablet over to Loki. “I hope you know that’s super embarrassing.”

The video started out with someone fumbling with the camera before finally focusing on a mid-teens Clayton sitting in a western saddle on Skipper. Clayton squinted at the camera slightly and spoke with a fairly thick southern accent. “Why the hell do you have that pointed at me, Nate?”

“Do your Clint Eastwood impersonation.”

Clayton rolled his eyes before screwing up his face into a fairly decent impersonation of the actor’s facial expression. Then, spoke a quote while maintaining the accent. “You've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?”

“Golden globe material right there. This is going on YouTube.”

“You fucker!” Clayton leaned over to grab at the camera right before the video ended.

“…I don’t get it.” Loki looked up, confused.

“Hang on.” Clayton pulled the tablet back over and brought up the appropriate movie clip on YouTube before sliding it back over to Loki.

After watching the clip, Loki slowly nodded. “I think I get the reference.”

“Like I said, it was just me and Nate being dumb.” He smiled slightly. “It was good getting to see him again. Wish I coulda caught up with him, but I guess I can do that the next time I swing by Earth. Anyway. What sort of things do you like in your stew?”

Immediately, Loki perked up. “They might not have English translations from Asgardian, but I can describe them to you.”

“That works.” Clayton gestured at the tablet. “I can search for them and maybe we can figure out suitable substitutions.”

Loki nodded and began explaining the different foods he enjoyed in the stew. As he spoke, Clayton looked things up, made notes, and occasionally asked questions. A few of the items were already stocked in the fridge and Clayton slowly made a list of things to go in the stew with Loki’s various suggestions.

Lazily, he thumbed through the list. “Some of these I already have. So, we can go with those. The next time we stop for supplies, I can pick some of these other items up and we can see if we can recreate your Asgardian stew. In the meantime, ought to get the stew started ‘cause it’s best after its been slow cooked.”

“Certainly. How do you want me to help?”

“Well, you’ve probably got better hand dexterity than me, so…You can chop stuff up.” Clayton climbed to his feet and started pulling a pot, knives, a cutting board, and the meat out. “I’m picky with my stew stuff, though. So, be prepared for me to gripe at you if I don’t like how you cut something up.”

“I accept the challenge.” Loki joined Clayton at the counter and tilted his head while the other man explained how he wanted the meat to be cut up. Bit by bit he worked through getting everything chopped up and curiously watched Clayton as he put the ingredients into the pot in a specific order.

“It helps with the flavor. You always want to cook the meat first because then you can season it with the onions and spices. Once it’s cooked, then you can start adding the veggies and adding extra seasoning as you go.”

Once everything had been put into the pot, Clayton carefully stirred it, despite it nearly overflowing. “Don’t worry, the veggies will cook down.” Finally, he put the lid on it and gave Loki a grin. “Well, you did pretty good. Help me clean up real quick and then we’ll basically be done.”

“It smells good already.” Loki commented as he carefully stepped over Clayton’s tail.

Clayton carefully moved his tail out of the way. “Ah, sorry. Not quite used to someone helping me cook. It kinda gets in the way.”

“Well, as long as you don’t hit me between the legs again.” He tossed the discarded remains of the vegetables into the trash, but then eyed Clayton when the other man picked up the hand towel and twisted it around. “…Absolutely no.”

Clayton just laughed and hung up the hand towel. “Just messing with you.”

Once everything had finished cooking a few hours later, Clayton lightly knocked on Loki’s door. When he didn’t receive a response, he knocked harder. “Loki!”

A moment later, Loki opened the door looking vaguely startled, then sheepish as he held up ‘Fellowship of the Rings’. “Apologies.”

“Hey, no. It’s cool. I’m seriously happy you like the books. It gives me ideas on what other books I can suggest to you. Anyway. Stew’s done.” Clayton offered a slight smile before heading back to the kitchen area. A few moments later, Loki joined him.

“It smells good.” He took the bowl and sat down on the couch since one of the Star Wars movies displayed on the holoscreen.

Clayton settled down on the couch as well and stirred his stew. “Woulda been better to have some fresh bread, but I don’t have a machine for it and I hate making bread by hand.”

Rather than replying, Loki sampled the stew and critically compared it against his memory of Asgardian stew. “It isn’t quite the same, but it’s a good start.”

“You like it though?” Clayton asked before shoveling some stew into his mouth.

“Yes, yes I do. It’s very flavorful.”

This caused Clayton to grin around the spoon. “Good. ‘Cause we’ll be eating it for a few days.”

“I don’t really mind that idea.” Loki looked up at the holoscreen. “Which Star Wars movie is this?”

“The Force Awakens. A lot of people bitched that it was basically a rehash of A New Hope, but…I don’t know. People will bitch about anything. I thought it was good.” He stretched out his legs and wiggled slightly to get himself comfortable.

“If you enjoyed it, that’s really the only important thing.”

“Yup.” He raised his arm and gestured at the holoscreen. “If you will, Xena.”

Loki immediately focused on the movie and while it seemed to be a slow start, at first, he quickly started picking out references to the prior movies. Still he found a few weak spots in the plot, but not bad enough to really ruin things. When the movie finished, he got up to stretch his legs while Clayton put up the stew.

“Like the movie?” Clayton asked as he picked up the dirty dishes.

“It has a few weak areas and I have a few questions, mostly how Rey was able to use the force so adeptly without any training.”

“Yeah, that was a problem a lot of people had, and I can see both sides. I mean, on one hand, that’s some pretty impressive force usage for someone untrained. On the other hand, in the Extended Universe, it’s explained pretty well in that the force can act through people and give them knowledge they otherwise wouldn’t have.” Clayton plopped back down on the couch.

“There’s more than the movies?” He looked over to Clayton, curiously.

“Holy, shit yeah. There’s books, comics, and games. The Extended Universe isn’t canon anymore, unfortunately. Which is _fucking dumb_ because there’s so much good material that could be used for the movies. At least they made Grand Admiral mother fuckin’ Thrawn canon. Fucker is bad ass.” At Loki’s confused look, Clayton got up and grabbed his tablet before handing it over. “This is Grand Admiral Thrawn. He’s from the original trilogy era, if I remember right. Point is. The Empire is insanely xenophobic and aliens didn’t really gain any sort of rank. Thrawn did, though. He is a certified, BAMF.”

Loki stared at the image of the alien, with his blue skin and red eyes and briefly wondered if the artist had seen a Jotun. “BAMF?”

“Bad ass mother fucker. He’s a character in a bunch of different Star Wars novels. I think he might be in some of the books I grabbed, I’d have to check.”

“I’d be interested in reading them after I finish with the Lord of the Rings trilogy.” Loki handed the tablet back to Clayton to put it on the coffee table.

“No problem. Want to watch the last movie? I don’t really wanna talk theories till you’ve seen it.”

“Absolutely. I’m curious to know what happens next.” Loki’s attention shifted to the holoscreen when the next movie began playing. Mid-way through, he glanced over and found himself unsurprised that Clayton had once more fallen asleep. Briefly, he got up to cover the other man up before settling back down to watch the rest of the movie. Sometime before the end of the movie, Loki too, fell asleep.


	28. Extending Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lost Generation" - Audiomachine

Clayton opened his eyes and stared at the coffee table for all of two seconds before he sharply sucked in a breath of air, then started shivering. The ship always stayed at a comfortable temperature, 74F or so, but his body temperature usually dropped when he slept. Beside him, Loki made a sleepy noise. Clayton clambered to his feet then quickly grabbed at the back of the couch when his vision blacked out and he suddenly went dizzy. Immediately, he felt a hand on his arm to help support him.

“Clayton? What’s wrong?” Loki asked, concerned.

“I’m okay, I’m okay. Just help me to the bathroom so I can take a shower.”

“Are you sure that’s wise? You almost fell over.” Loki didn’t have much choice in the matter since Clayton had already started making his way towards the bedroom. He followed alongside him to ensure he didn’t fall over.

“Ugh. I do this weird thing when I sleep. My body temperature and heart rate drops…If I get too cold, it takes longer for my heart rate to go back up in the morning. S'why I have like five blankets on my bed.” He briefly held onto the door frame as he made his way into the bathroom and fussed with the shower handle before tugging his shirt off.

“That seems abnormal.” Loki couldn’t help but hover out of concern. The other man barely seemed to be stable on his feet and he worried that Clayton would fall.

Clayton gave a one shouldered shrug and leaned against the wall of the shower stall. “You’d think so, but it’s something the Orussid do. Something about energy conservation during sleep…It’s also why they like New Elysium with the heat and humidity.” He knew the hot water left his skin red, but he steadily stopped shivering. “Xena bumps the temperature of my room up when I sleep and drops it when I start waking up.”

Loki sat down on the toilet and sighed. “I covered you up last night, but it looks like the blanket fell off during the night. I didn’t want to wake you, but…”

“Ah, don’t worry about it. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. Normally, Xena would just bump up the ambient ship temperature, but she’s keeping the main part of the ship comfortable for you.” Clayton finally opened his eyes and pushed himself away from the stall wall, feeling a bit better. “It doesn’t hurt me, it’s just kinda uncomfortable. I just have all sorts of weird quirks.”

His gaze briefly drifted to Clayton’s groin as the man turned to grab a bottle. He had no obvious signs of anything that could be considered genitalia, and it made Loki wonder if things weren’t kept internal. While curious, he knew the question wouldn’t be a good one to ask, for obvious reasons. Instead, he glanced towards the bathroom door before looking back to Clayton. “I’m going to get breakfast. Would you like me to make you a cup of coffee for when you’re done in the shower?”

“That’d be great, but you don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind. I’m going to make tea, and I imagine your coffee will be the right drinking temperature when you finish.” Saying nothing further, Loki left the bathroom before his thoughts could continue their current path of lewdity. He couldn’t exactly help it, he found Clayton attractive and watching him shower had done nothing to diminish that opinion. However, he also knew he needed to watch what he said and did around Clayton. Loki knew he needed to prove to the man that he was different from all those before him.

After Loki left, Clayton sagged back down against the shower stall wall and sighed softly. Things were going too well and it worried him. Sure, Xena had warned against overthinking things, but he felt the pressing need to protect himself. Things very rarely went well for him and when they did, it meant that something bad would happen. He looked at the toilet where Loki had sat moments before and frowned. Honestly, he knew next to nothing about Loki, yet he’d just about bared his soul to the man. If they were going to be together, then Clayton felt he needed to know more about the person who just happened to be puttering around in his kitchen.

Still, he didn’t know how to approach things and wore a heavy frown when he finally sat down at the table. He remained silent throughout breakfast as he tried to figure out how to bring up his concerns. Clayton didn’t want to let it fester or ignore it. He’d done that with his last relationship and…Well, look how that’d turned out for him. He finally looked up when Loki said his name.

“Clayton? What’s wrong?”

Clayton hesitated but then again, an opportunity had presented itself. "I’ve done some heavy thinking about things and everything we’ve talked about. You wanted to know my life story, and so I told you...But I still know next to nothing about you and you're suddenly trying to worm your way into things…Into my life, more than what you already have. So, I'm sitting here wondering what your agenda is. How are you going to use what I told you against me?"

This completely caught Loki off guard and he half wondered if he’d sorely mistaken how much trust Clayton had for him. Then again, Xena _had_ said that he’d need to completely start from scratch. Still, he couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. "What? No. I'm not using anything against you. I just don't talk about myself."

He side eyed the other man and tightly wrapped his hands around his cup of coffee. "Neither do I…But you insisted on it."

"Seemed like you needed it." Loki quickly tried to come up with a way to avoid sharing information about himself, but Xena’s comment so many weeks ago about collateral rung loudly in his mind.

Clayton kept his face bland as he watched Loki. "Maybe so, but I gave you a lot of information that you can use against me. You want my absolute trust? I want to know who I've been talking to. You're as bad as I am when it comes to hiding behind masks." Finally, he shrugged. “If you want a relationship, I need more than just scraps of information.”

“You always knew I was a Prince of Asgard and Thor’s brother. There really isn’t much else to say about myself.” He didn’t miss the sudden irony of having to duck Clayton’s questions, something he’d forced the other man to do in the past.

"That's true, but you have your own demons, just like I do. I doubt you have sleeping issues or nightmares for shits and giggles. Yeah, you’ve told me about some of them…But I wanna know what I might be getting into."

"You never know, the vapid court is always expected to follow the trends." Loki replied, drily and then suddenly yelped in surprise when Clayton lightly whacked his leg with his tail. “…I suppose I deserved that…”

“I’m being serious, Loki. Trust is a two-way street. You expect me to trust you, despite all the issues in the past but you can't seem to offer me the same. If you're not willing to trust me, but demand me to trust you…Then I don't really see much reason to continue our friendship. Because it just says to me that you don’t have my best interests in mind."

Loki suddenly looked up at Clayton, a look of horror on his face. "No, please."

"Then tell me who you are. Extend the same trust you try to demand from me." He sighed. “Please?”

"I...I don't know where to start." He looked away from Clayton, his right hand going straight for the palm of his left hand, bypassing the beaded bracelet. Before his nails could dig into skin, Clayton snatched up his hand and curled long fingers around it.

Slowly, he shook his head, silently asking Loki not to harm himself. "...The beginning tends to be a good place."

Loki looked back down and tried to focus on the subtle bumps and ridges on Clayton’s hand that signified tendons and veins. He struggled to organize his thoughts and knew damn well the other man had backed him into a corner, purposely. Then again, no one had really cared enough to ask about his past. Though, he supposed that Clayton was correct: the beginning would be a good place to start.

"Odin wasn't really my father. My parents were Jotun royalty, as far as I know. I was a runt and they left me to die in the cold. A sacrifice to some god, most likely. Odin found me; the Jotun and Asgardians were at war at the time, and he thought I'd been lost on accident…But then he realized who my father was: King Laufey of Jotunheim. At that point, he thought I could be a bargaining chip and took me back to Asgard. He vastly overestimated my meaning to anyone in my birth realm so he ended up stuck with me. "

“What’s a Jotun?” Clayton had never heard of the term.

“Sometimes I forget you Midgardians are ignorant of the other realms. Jotun are better known as Frost Giants. The image of Thrawn you showed me last night is very close to what Jotun look like.” Softly, Loki scoffed and looked away; he hated talking about his heritage. “Jotun don’t have hair, though I do for some reason. Between that and my small size? I wonder if I’m not some half-bred and Laufey’s wife didn’t whore around on him.”

“So, why aren’t you blue?”

“Aesir magic combined with my own magic. It’s very simple to maintain.” He finally looked back to Clayton who gave a slight nod of understanding.

Honestly, Clayton quietly wondered what Loki looked like without the magic, but chose not to ask. The topic obviously veered into sensitive territory. “Makes sense. Go on.”

Loki remained silent for a few moments before he finally continued. "Thor and I grew up side by side, ready to murder or protect each other as our moods took us. Odin could usually pretend to tolerate me. Everyone else knew what I was and avoided or abused me. Jotun have been enemies of Asgard for millennia and to have one trapezing around with the crown prince of Asgard? Incomprehensible and absolutely scandalous.”

A sad smile formed on his face as he thought about his mother. “Except Frigga. I might as well have been her blood, as far as she was concerned. She taught me about magic, indulged my love of books, ran off the older boys who tormented me for not being a warrior, taught me how to wield a knife. She loved me, and I...I had one person in all the realms I would die for, who never hit or mocked me for being different. Thor had his own friends, his own business to attend to since he was a bit older than me. We started growing apart as we got older, especially when Odin started to favor him and spend all his time with him. He told me that Thor would be better off if he were left to proper company."

Already, Clayton had begun to see where things were going. He knew Odin had been abusive in some fashion, but he didn’t know the entire story. If Loki had been intended to be a bargaining chip of some sort, it didn’t really say much about his childhood, especially if there were issues between the Asgardians and Jotun. Finally, he stood up and gently tugged Loki over to the couch. “I’m guessing Odin drove a pretty big wedge between you and Thor?”

Loki allowed himself to be pulled over to the couch where he sat down and stared at the floor. After a moment, he nodded slightly. "When I was very young, Odin used to say I was born destined to be a king and had as much of a chance at the throne as Thor. But it didn't take long for me to realize that I'd never end up as anything more important than a political pawn. I never had a chance, it was always going to be Thor. Couldn’t have a Jotun, a sworn enemy of Asgard on the throne. Oh, no no.” He spoke, bitterly. “At the time, it angered me. I wasn't thinking much of marriage, but if I was going to give my life to someone, I wanted it to be my choice. Hah. As if I ever had a choice about anything in my life. Odin had all but beaten me into obeying him when Mother stopped him.”

He fell silent for a moment and picked at a loose thread on the couch as he tried to compose his thoughts again. “I don't know what she said, but he dropped the idea of marrying me to some boring old fuck for the sake of Asgard. And then I became even more of a disappointment when I chose Mother and the library over training for war with the others. I would have ended up dead if it weren't for a miracle, and I half wonder sometimes if Odin had planned for it. I grew jealous of Thor because of the lies I’d been told my entire life. I suspect Odin planned it as a way to get rid of me. If I tried to murder Thor, it would have given him a reason to throw me in the dungeon for the rest of my life. Odin kept talking about my use as some political tool, but nothing came of it."

“But you didn’t kill Thor.” Clayton noted how Loki had stepped into the political role of delegate, but decided not to mention it. Likely, it would have been in bad taste.

“For all my anger towards Thor, I never truly hated him. He’s my brother…I still don’t know what I would have done had Thanos killed him.”

Clayton looked over to Loki, “And you said Odin wanted to arrange marriages for you?”

“Yes. Mostly to people twice my age…There were very few suitors who were of my own age. I always managed to annoy them enough that they didn’t want to deal with me.”

"Arranged marriages are so damn archaic." He shook his head. “With how advanced Asgard was supposed to be, I’d assume they wouldn’t do that.”

Loki rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Gods, you have no idea, it's so stupid…Compared to Earth, Asgard was incredibly welcoming and open but...There were a number of archaic traditions with one of them being arranged marriages."

"At least you have the option of choosing, now."

He shrugged slightly and looked down at his hands again. "Not that I know what to do with it. The Asgardians are all I've ever known, and their hatred has only grown worse as the years have passed thanks to my numerous fuck ups. But that old fuck is finally gone, so one less thing to worry about."

"Eh. You have a massive galaxy to wander around. There's no shortage of people to find." Clayton gently nudged Loki in the side. While they had toyed with the idea of being in a relationship, he hadn’t quite decided about the idea.

Loki looked over at the other man and spoke quietly. "...Would it surprise you if I said I wanted more than a quick fuck and being sent on my way? I…Want someone who’s interested in _me_ , not my status or my abilities or what I can offer in bed. Someone who doesn’t care about my heritage or wars that I had no part of."

"Sort of? But I wasn't really meaning that. The galaxy is massive. There's tens of thousands of different races, easily. It might take some time, but you'll find someone." This time Clayton looked away. Honestly, he could give decent advice but tended to be horrible at taking his own advice. He honestly doubted he’d find someone, as much as he wanted to.

"I come with a lot of fucked up. I don't know that it would be fair to the other person." He finally admitted. “I…Try to act that everything is fine and…You’re right. I _do_ hide behind masks, because that’s all I’ve ever done. I couldn’t allow the Asgardians to know how deeply their words stung, nor could I allow Odin to know how much his insults affected me.”

"Guess you have to let them decide that for themselves."

Loki hesitated for a moment and finally slouched against Clayton, feeling emotionally drained all of a sudden. “That’s partly why I’m interested in you…You understand. We both have our problems, but as you said a few weeks ago: they’re different. I…” He sighed. “I don’t really know what I’m trying to say.”

“I kinda put you through the wringer. Sorry about that.” Clayton glanced over at the other man before finally wrapping an arm around his shoulder in a loose hug. “I just…Don’t know if I can. I keep thinking ‘what if?’ and…”

“It’s not like I’m going to sit on your table and demand that you fuck me.” Loki suddenly blurted out. “I have more tact than that.”

Clayton looked over at Loki in surprise and started pulling his arm away, only for his hand to be grabbed and held firmly. Then, Loki scooted over to press into his side. The Asgardian quietly huffed, “I won’t lie. I enjoy sex and I realize our widely different interest levels could cause issues. However, I assure you: I‘m capable of handling my own needs.”

“Isn’t it a bit fast to be talking about this sort of thing?” He felt like leaning away to gain a bit of space, but suspected that Loki would simply lean over with him. Though, he supposed that he _had_ pressed the man into talking about a bunch of things and Loki likely needed some form of reassurance.

“Probably.” Loki agreed. “But I simply want to put it out there since I realize it’s a source of stress for you…And I’ve noticed you prefer to avoid things that bother you.”

Finally, Clayton pulled away from Loki and stood up, his tail twisting slightly behind him. He needed space to breath and think. “I-I should keep working on the engine.”

Loki quietly sighed at Clayton’s stammer and closed his eyes when the man turned away. “Clayton, wait.” He stood up, but didn’t follow after him. “I apologize if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I don’t intend to be too forward, but I don’t know how much is too much. I’d prefer if you told me your limits instead of running.”

“I…” Clayton sighed and looked down at his feet for a moment before looking back to Loki. “I just have a lot to think about right now. And…I’m not exactly ready for someone to basically be clinging to me. I don’t know if I ever will.”

He stood there and watched Clayton climb downstairs, then gave the camera a concerned look before heading into the helm. Quietly, he spoke. “I was too forward, wasn’t I?” Loki didn’t really know when he’d decided that Xena had become a valued confident, but he trusted her to tell him about Clayton. “I just figured it’d be alright.”

“I’m not really sure. You did talk a lot about yourself, so he does have a lot to think about. Just be patient with him, Loki. He hasn’t been in a relationship since I’ve been with him and to my knowledge, he’s had sex perhaps once…And I’m not entirely sure about that. My point is…You’re looking at a great number of sensitive topics with him. Perhaps more than I initially estimated.”

“Do you think he even wants a relationship? I know I only touched on the topic yesterday, but with all his trauma…” Loki shook his head. “I’m afraid of causing more harm.”

“He does. Just be patient with him, that’s really all you can do. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of advice that I can give you.”

Loki quietly nodded and glanced towards the back of the ship for a moment before returning to the living area in order to fetch his tea. After doing a bit of clean up from breakfast, he returned to his room to read. Around lunchtime, he wandered out of his room and noted the pot of stew had been left out, but no Clayton. Curiously, he walked to the helm, but found the door shut. Even curiouser, a bowl and cup sat in the corner by the door. Lightly, he knocked then blinked in surprise when the door opened. Loki stepped into the room and promptly _squawked_ in surprise when the gravity suddenly vanished.

“…Whoops. I should have warned you about that.” Clayton lazily floated above the pilot’s seat on his back, half curled into a C shape with his tablet resting against his thighs. “You alright over there?”

Rather than replying, Loki simply flailed a bit as he twisted upside down. Evidently, his gracefulness in gravity didn’t translate to zero G conditions. After a moment, he floated there and blatantly sulked.

Clayton snickered and carefully nudged the tablet off to the side where it gently bumped against the wall before twisting himself upright. Then he pushed himself over to Loki and lightly poked the other man till he’d turned upright again. “You might wanna stay there. Zero G can take some getting used to.”

“Why, exactly, did you turn the gravity off?” Loki swatted at his hair as a bit floated up in front of his face.

“It’s fun. It’d be a lot more fun if I had a bigger area. But it’s mostly ‘cause it helps out with my joints a bit. Between being a buggy fuck and all the rough ‘n tumble of being a bounty hunter? Shit hurts sometimes.” He looked over at the tablet and sighed before reaching out towards it. After a half second, the tablet floated to his hand. “And it lets me think. Mom finally e-mailed me and I was trying to decide on if I should reply back to her or what.”

Loki slowly nudged himself towards the pilot’s chair. “If you don’t mind me asking, what did she say?”

“It’s just a clusterfuck. Sorta starts out as blaming me for the whole mess then it kinda devolves into her playing the victim and…I don’t know. A little bit of concern?” He flicked something on the tablet. “I’ll probably deal with it tomorrow. Today’s been eventful enough as it is.”

“I’m sorry for pushi–“

“Oh, quit it. I’m not upset. Look.” Clayton sighed and nudged the tablet to the side again before slowly twisting himself upside down. “I’ve kept everyone pushed away for the past three years. I like to claim that I’m over what happened to me, but I’m honestly not. I have this stupid habit of just bottling everything up and ignoring it in hopes it’ll go away. I don’t know what’s still raw and I don’t know what’ll bother me. So…You’re basically just gonna have to deal with me occasionally freaking out…Probably more than I’d care to admit. And…Yeah. I’m gonna have issues being touched.”

Loki quietly nodded and briefly hesitated. He’d told Clayton to be open with him, and he imagined that if things were going to work, he’d have to do the same…As much as he hated the notion. “I can’t claim I’m any different. Though, mine is more related to preventing people from knowing how I’ve been affected by their actions. Unfortunately, I like physical contact, and I’ll seek it. If I become too…Demanding, please. Let me know.”

“Unfortunately?” Clayton laughed. “That’s normal, I thought. Anyway, I’ll try to let you know, but I can’t make any promises.”

“As long as I don’t end up getting shoved in any ponds.”

“Christ, you’re gonna keep bringing that up.” He finally twisted back onto his back again. “Ugh. Different topic. Look, you’ve seen Earth. Tell me about Asgard. I know I’ll never see it, but it sounds like it was a pretty fuckin’ neat place.”

“Oh, it was very interesting. To start with, in contrast to most worlds, Asgard was _flat_ …”


	29. It's Only Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Soldier" - Tommiee Profitt feat. Fleurie  
> "Gel" - Collective Soul

Clayton stared wide eyed at the ceiling, the echo of a rifle shot and splattering liquid drifted away from his waking mind. His quick breathing and pounding heart didn’t fade so quickly. Slowly, he rolled onto his side, acutely aware of how the back of his shirt clung to him from sweat. Things had been going so well, too. After the little hiccup two days ago concerning Loki and his past, they ended up binge watching the rest of Stranger Things, then started in on Star Trek. Clayton had happily dived into the lore of the universe, much to Loki’s amusement.

He tried to focus on the positive of the past few days, but saw a bloody scene every time he closed his eyes. Finally, he got up and pulled on a clean shirt before heading into the living area. He quietly made himself a cup of coffee and stepped into the helm. There, he saw part of a station and simply assumed that Xena had stopped for fuel. He quietly sighed at the idea of Loki. Right now, he really didn’t want to deal with anyone living. Xena could be bad enough at times, but at least she knew when he wanted to be left alone.

Sleepily, Loki flopped around in bed, not quite willing to get up just yet. Though, he squinted in annoyance when the lights started to slowly come on. “I’m not very interested in getting up just yet, Xena.”

“A shame.” Xena remarked. “I felt it important to inform you: Clayton didn’t sleep well. It means he likely had a nightmare and I’m uncertain of his emotional state. You should approach him carefully until you are able to gauge how he’s feeling.”

His annoyance quickly dissipated at this news. “Noted. Thank you, Xena.”

After a moment longer, he climbed out of bed and dressed before slipping out of his room. He supposed that Xena’s warning had likely been meant to dissuade him from interacting with Clayton. Of course, Loki also knew the state he tended to be in after his own nightmares and honestly worried about the other man. He paused at the helm doorway and quietly observed Clayton for a moment.

An empty cup of coffee sat in the pilot’s chair and Clayton stood behind the chair, his arms draped over the shoulders. He glanced over to Loki with an expression of resignation that quickly turned into something bland. Vaguely, he gestured at the space station they were docked at. “Xena needed fuel.”

“Are you alright?”

“Peachy.” Clayton looked back to the window and silently willed for Loki to leave him alone.

This just caused Loki to sigh and step over to Clayton in order to lightly touch his shoulder. Softly, he spoke. “No, you’re not, Clayton. I’ve seen that look on myself too many times after a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?”

This time, Clayton sighed at being called out. “No. It’s shit that happened a good decade ago…You don’t need to hear about people dying.”

“…You’re an idiot.” When Clayton turned to look at him with an expression of disbelief, Loki returned an annoyed look. “I’m not some delicate flower, Clayton. I’ve been to war. I’ve killed plenty of people. I’ve seen plenty more die. Asgardians are warriors, and while I might be more scholarly inclined, I’m no exception. Please don’t think of me as some Midgardian, ignorant to death.”

Hesitantly, he reached up to cup Clayton’s face with his hands and hoped the action wouldn’t be seen as to forward. Softly, he spoke again. “Tell me. Show me, if you must. You were there at my worst after my own nightmares. Allow me to do the same for you.”

“Xena ran her mouth, didn’t she?” Clayton slowly pulled back away from Loki’s hands, somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of being touched when all his nerves felt raw.

“She did, but only to warn me to be careful around you.” Loki smiled slightly. “Obviously, I chose to ignore that warning.”

Clayton picked up his coffee cup and snorted quietly at the words printed on the side. ‘The difference between your opinion and coffee, is that I asked for coffee’. He looked back to Loki, “I can show you…I guess.” The idea of showing seemed easier than talking about it, for some reason. He gestured at the living area. “Probably easier if we sit down.”

After making another cup of coffee and setting it on the table to cool, Clayton sat down on the couch with Loki next to him. “It’s…Not pretty. Lemme know if I start hurting you or something…I’m not exactly skilled at this. It’ll probably be easier since you’re kinda telepathic yourself, but…” He shook his head at his rambling. “Uh, yeah.”

Loki closed his eyes and frowned at the sudden jumble of emotions that weren’t his. Then flickers of memories; a man with dirty-blonde hair and a warm smile. A brief snippet of the same man punching someone else before things shifted to a stone or clay brick house in the middle of a desert area. He climbed up the stairs after the man to the roof top where they both sat in the shade. Abruptly, Loki realized that these were Clayton’s memories, not a dream.

“You pick the absolute worst places for picnics, Eddy.”

“Aw, you mean this ain’t a date?” Eddy dumped his rucksack on the ground and sat down with a groan. “Ah, fuck me. My feet hurt.”

“You’re not pretty enough.” He sat down and began digging through his own rucksack for a MRE. “At least the guy downstairs is gonna get us some tea.”

“Nice guy.” Eddy pulled out a MRE and started opening it up. After a moment, he pulled his helmet off. “Think my brain is about to cook.”

“You mean it wasn’t already?”

“Clayton, you’re a fucktard, you realize that?” Eddy looked up with a grin, but then glanced towards the window at a sound suspiciously similar to a firearm being discharged. Then he shook his head when ‘Loki’ moved to get up. “I’ll look. I’m closer.”

Eddy picked up his rifle and inched over to the window to peek out. Then, he shook his head and began looking away from the window to start speaking. A half second later, the back of his head exploded, splattering the wall behind him with blood, bone, and brain matter; the sound of the gore hitting the wall hidden under the sound of the rifle.

The memory abruptly ended and Loki opened his eyes to stare at Clayton who had a somewhat broken expression on his face. “That…Was a memory, Clayton.”

Clayton looked down at his hands. “It’s also the nightmare…Just replays. Shoulda been me looking out the window. I still had my helmet on, so I might have survived it, but…” He shook his head before looking up at Loki. “At least it was quick, I guess.”

After a moment, Loki tugged Clayton into a hug, the echoes of the distraught emotions attached to the memory still bounced through his mind. Slowly, he rubbed the other man’s upper back and made sure his hand didn’t go lower than mid-back. He honestly hated how Clayton tensed from his touch, but made sure to keep his grip loose to help minimize the sensation of being confined. Finally, Clayton turned his head to rest it on Loki’s shoulder.

“I understand about death and guilt associated with it.” Loki started, carefully. “I realize my experiences are vastly different than yours’ and I can’t offer advice or anything of that nature, but…I want you to feel comfortable in telling me.”

“S’called survivor’s guilt.” Clayton mused, but pulled away from Loki in order to sit up. Then he lightly jabbed a claw into the other man’s stomach. “You, sir, are a fucking hypocrite.”

Loki looked away with a faint smile and lightly rubbed where he’d been poked. “You’re not much better.”

“I hate how you can get me to talk.” Clayton shifted away from Loki and glared a bit at the wall.

“It’s better than you bottling everything up.”

“Look at you two. Already bickering like a married couple.” Xena sounded absolutely amused.

Clayton glared at the camera. “No. Not one word from you.”

Loki touched the other man’s arm. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah. I think so. Just might take me a bit to get calmed down.”

“If you want to talk about it…” Loki started but then trailed off when Clayton shook his head. Finally, he glanced up at the camera and gave a faint shrug.

“Well…Meddlesome AIs and nightmares aside, I wanted to pass an idea by you.” Loki looked back to Clayton. “I’ve been looking at galactic events, and found a touring theater troupe who’re performing in a nearby system. Since you’ve been showing me all the things you enjoy as far as entertainment goes, I wanted to show you something I enjoy.”

“Uh, sure. I’ve never really been to much theater stuff, but I can give it a try.” Then he made a face. “Does it require dressing nicely? Because I don’t really have anything.”

Loki shook his head and laughed. “It does, but have you forgotten my magic?”

“…Apparently, I did. I’m still not used to that.” Clayton paused to consider for a moment. “Well, if it’s in the evening, we could probably grab dinner afterwards. When can we get there?”

“Theater and dinner sounds excellent.” Loki glanced up at the camera, waiting for Xena’s reply.

“I’ve finished refueling, and the system in question isn’t more than two hours away via jump tunnel. The play won’t start for another six hours, either. So, you two have a bit of time.”

“Works. I’m just gonna…” Clayton vaguely gestured at the bathroom before bolting without making it seem like he bolted. Unlike Loki, he often didn’t want to be touched after nightmares. They brought him stress and anxiety. Feeling constricted from contact usually just made the anxiety worse.

Sometimes, he entertained the idea of finding some corner store doctor on Earth and grabbing some script for something, but he often discounted the idea as soon as he thought of it. Sure, the medication the VA put him on helped out with the anxiety and nightmares in general, but the day-to-day side effects hadn’t been worth it in the long run.

Loki stared at the spot where Clayton had been moments earlier with a sense of bemusement. He supposed that he’d have to take the small victories and pick his battles carefully. While the other man still pulled away, he felt that he’d gotten him back into a better mental state, overall. That had to count for something, didn’t it?

The hot shower helped to sooth the lingering sensation of anxiety and forced Clayton to overthink things again. Namely, how Loki had been concerned about him. That didn’t strike him as something someone who wanted to use him would do. At the same time, he couldn’t help but feel scared over the prospect of getting into a relationship again…But Xena had said she’d protect him. He scrubbed a hand over his face before dunking his head under the water.

Having someone there, someone with a physical presence, who cared and worried about him…The feeling hadn’t been a bad one. Hell, Xena had told him to go for it, which meant she’d likely crunched the numbers and data. Briefly, he wondered if she hadn’t been trying to play matchmaker, but discounted the idea. She’d frequently stated that she didn’t _quite_ understand the concept of ‘love’. Then again, Xena had proven time and time again to have her own agendas.

Finally, he muttered out a soft curse and stepped out of the shower to grab a towel. He could give it a try and commit to the idea for a bit. If the trial run didn’t work out, he could simply call it off. Right? Clayton toweled off his hair for a moment as he thought. “Xena? Get a list of restaurants near to where that theater thing is that Loki wants to go to, preferably ones within walking distance. When you’re done, send them to the table.”

After dressing, he meandered back into the living area where he found a bowl of food waiting for him. “I can cook my own food, you know.”

Loki shrugged and sipped his tea. “I’m aware. I simply…Think of myself and how I feel after a nightmare…And what I’d want someone else to do. If you’d prefer me not to…”

“No…It’s just…” He sighed and sipped at his cold coffee to give himself time to think. “I don’t know what to expect with…Whatever this is.”

“Would it surprise you to know that I don’t know either?”

“A bit, yeah.” Clayton snorted softly. “You just seem…So sure of yourself.”

This caused Loki to laugh. “It comes from hundreds of years of experience. I had to pretend all the insults hurled at me didn’t affect me. I don’t know what to expect of things, either. I…I’ve never been around someone with your…”

“Brand of fucked up?” Clayton supplied, helpfully.

“…Not the phrase I wanted to use, but…Yes. Simply put, I don’t want to make things worse for you.”

“So, basically, you want me to let you know if my emotional state is going down the shitter.” Clayton commented, flatly.

Loki decided to choose his next words carefully, “I’d settle for knowing if my actions bother you. I don’t want a repeat of the pond, and yes, I’m going to keep bringing that up as an example. It’s a prime example of me fucking up and doing something that heavily affected you.”

“Okay, yeah. That makes sense.” Clayton sighed and looked down at his food. “Casual…Day to day touches I’m fine with. No big deal. Intimate stuff…I can’t really deal with very well. It’s sorta a case of…If anything like that happens, I’ll be the one to start it.”

This caused Loki to quietly sigh and look away. He actually preferred to be more tactile; touching and being touched in return. Finally, he looked back to Clayton and nodded, wordlessly.

“You didn’t like the idea of that.”

“It’s just going to be hard for me. I enjoy being physical with someone, not strictly sex, but just being physically close.” Loki offered a smile. “However, I’m up to the challenge…Because I feel it’ll be worth it.”

“Figures I’d get a snuggler.” Clayton quietly grumbled. “Look, man. Are you sure we’re even compatible? We have a ton of differences and…I don’t know. You’re talking about denying yourself something you really like. Don’t do that just ‘cause you have a dumb crush.”

“I’m an adult.”

“…Barely.”

Loki glared slightly, but continued. “I want to try. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work…But we’ll never know if we don’t _try_.”

“Fiiiiiiiine.” Clayton huffed and glared at the hologram of restaurants in front of him. “So, where do we want to eat?”

“Considering we’ll be ‘dressed up’, somewhere upscale.”

This caused Clayton to make a bit of a face, but adjusted the list accordingly. One by one, he ruled out different places based on what they served till the last one remained ended up being the Earth equivalent of a four-star restaurant. It’d end up being pricey, but the food sounded great. From there, he ordered tickets to the show and looked to Loki with a faint smile. “Alright, everything’s set up. The only real concern is that the restaurant’s first come, first serve. So, I don’t know if we can get a table or not.”

“We’ll have to see when we get there, I suppose.” Loki mused.

Later in the day, Loki paced around Clayton in a circle, examining him closely. “I think I know what you’d look best in.”

He couldn’t help but give an anxious wiggle of his tail at how closely Loki scrutinized him. “What’d that be?” Quite suddenly, he found the shirt he’d been wearing illusioned into something akin to a military dress shirt and overcoat. “Not exactly what I had in mind.”

“It’s fitting.” Loki looked quite pleased with himself. “You’re the king of a warrior race. You should look the part.”

Clayton reached out to tug at Loki’s coat. “And what about you?”

“I’ll have you know, this is the clothing standard of an Asgardian prince.” Loki sounded a tad offended.

This just caused Clayton to hold up his hands. “Alright, alright. Let’s just go.”

Much to Clayton’s relief, the theater ended up being located conveniently close to the landing pads, and he assumed it’d been done on purpose. The city happened to be a popular tourist destination, after all. He didn’t like the crowd, however, and tensed up. Crowds were a funny thing with him. Wal-mart? Fine. Markets? Perfectly cool. Jericho? Not bad. The theater? Everyone crowded together to get checked in, meaning random strangers bumped and jostled into him. He had _some_ space behind him, but it really didn’t help.

Abruptly, Loki took his hand and lightly touched his arm in an attempt to be reassuring. Around them, an announcer spoke directions to different plays, making conversation close to impossible. Hesitantly, Clayton mentally reached out to touch Loki’s mind. Unlike Rocket’s mind, he encountered minor resistance. Likely due to the other man’s telepathy.

 _I don’t really like close crowds._ He abruptly pulled back mentally when Loki jumped, loosed the grip on his hand, and gave him a wide-eyed look. Quickly, he mouthed ‘sorry’ and sent an apologetic look. However, Loki lightly gestured at Clayton’s head before gesturing at his own and nodding. After a moment, he mentally reached out again. _I should have asked, I’m sorry_.

Loki lightly squeezed his arm. _You surprised me, that’s all. I didn’t realize you were able to do this with those outside the hive._

 _I **am** telepathic, Loki. I thought I mentioned it to you, though_. He slowly shuffled forward towards the check in machine.

 _You very well could have. You’ll have to forgive me. I don’t know very much about you or your physiology as a whole._ Unlike Clayton, he didn’t have a great deal of skill with his telepathy. Certainly, he could invade the minds of non-telepathics and pull up memories with ease…And give them mental instructions in much the same manner. However, the connection with Clayton’s mind felt wholly different. It’d been made with ease and yet…If he tried to poke further into the other’s mind, he ran straight into a barrier…Something that blocked him. Briefly, he wondered if Clayton could look into his own mind.

_You’re projecting your thoughts, but…I could, if I wanted to. I’m not going to, though. I try not to unless I have to. I respect you enough not to do anything like that._

_I…Thank you._ Quietly, Loki mused. He didn’t know much about Clayton’s physiology and asking would only provide so much information…Assuming the other man would even answer the questions. He’d adopted a similar hybrid form several months ago, but hadn’t held it for more than a few seconds. As they walked to their seats, he considered the notion of adopting the form again…Just to get a reference point for Clayton’s day-to-day.

Clayton laughed softly and nudged Loki in the side. _You’re projecting, again. I’m…Not entirely against the idea…But I’d prefer you to wait till we get back to New Elysium. I don’t want you to fall and injure yourself. Acidic blood and all._

Huffing loudly, Loki looked away for a moment as he settled into his seat. _Very well._

 _I…Could also maybe try to teach you a bit more about telepathy?_ He offered and then made a small smile when Loki nodded. However, their mental conversation came to an end with the start of the play.

While Loki became immediately enthralled by the play, Clayton quickly found himself bored. It involved a lot of operatic singing in languages he didn’t know and since the performers didn’t speak a language he understood? He had no idea on the plot of the play beyond it maybe being some romantic comedy. As the play drug on, he restrained himself from causing general mischief and unfortunately, found himself dozing off at times. He’d just close his eyes for a moment…

The sound of the audience suddenly clapping jolted him out of his nap and he sucked in a deep breath before looking around; his heart pounded in his chest and the sound of the blood in his ears drowned out nearly everything. Immediately, he tried to assess if there were any threats, if he needed to fight, if he needed to run, and…Loki squeezed his arm with a concerned look. Clayton finally let out a harsh exhale.

Concerned, Loki carefully leaned forward to murmur into Clayton’s ear, “Let’s find the exit.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Getting up, he followed after Loki and didn’t miss at all how the other man kept a firm grip on his hand. Once they were outside, Clayton sighed and tried to soothe his anxiety. Beside him, Loki borderline hovered.

“If you want, we can return to Xena and have dinner there.” Loki didn’t really know why the clapping had startled Clayton so badly, but considering that morning? He didn’t know if going to the restaurant would be a good idea. Lightly, he kept touching the other man’s arm in hopes of reassuring and soothing him.

Clayton shook his head. “I’ll be fine, I think. Let’s walk to the restaurant and see how I feel.”

“What ended up startling you?” He kept a critical eye on Clayton.

“Uh…Embarrassingly enough, the clapping. I kinda fell asleep midway through the play.” He looked away, but then looked back at Loki’s laugh.

“Not a fan of the play, I take it?”

He shook his head, “I couldn’t understand what it was about, besides being a romantic comedy…I think. Honesty? I found it boring.”

Loki straight up pouted for several minutes before he finally spoke. “Well, I suppose they’re not for everyone.”

“At least food is something we can both enjoy.” He sighed and tried to push away the lingering sensation of anxiety. Likely, the nightmare earlier in the day had contributed to how easily he’d startled.

The crowd thinned as they moved away from the theater and Clayton’s tail calmed in its twisting. Lightly he bumped Loki’s shoulder with his own, but looked away with a faint smile when the other man glanced over. Briefly, Loki felt confused and wondered if it hadn’t been an attempt to get his attention, but the smile Clayton had given made him think otherwise. Finally, he chalked it up as being a weird Midgardian thing.

When they reached the restaurant, the man at the front desk gave them a look of distaste. “We’re full for the evening.”

Clayton looked past him and saw several empty tables, judging by the expression on Loki’s face, he saw them as well. Loki pressed his lips together in annoyance before speaking. “Not only do you have several empty tables…Do you know who you dare speak to?”

The man gave Loki a bland and mildly annoyed look. “Those are reserved tables and no, no I don’t. Nor do I care.”

Clayton lightly touched Loki’s arm. “It’s fine.” Then he looked back to the man who seemed to be half way to calling security; he easily wormed into the other’s mind. Planting suggestions ended up being the first thing he learned to do when his telepathy first presented itself and also why he jokingly called himself a not-Jedi. “You don’t need to do that.”

The man blinked and looked up at Clayton, his eyes unfocusing. “What?”

“It’s fine. We have a reservation. You should find it in the computer.”

Loki tilted his head to the side at the sudden shift in the man’s demeanor and immediately suspected that Clayton had a large part in it. The man shifted his attention to the holographic interface and flicked through the list of reservations. “I’m…Not finding you.”

“Strange. We should be in there.”

After a half second, the man entered a new reservation, seemingly unaware of his actions. He blinked a few times and looked back up at the interface. “Oh. Jones and company?” At Clayton’s confirmation he offered a faint smile. “I must have missed your name. Apologies. Right this way.”

Clayton settled into the chair and watched the man wander off, still in a bit of a daze. Then he looked back to Loki. “Don’t worry. No one reserved this table.”

“Looked inside his head?”

“Sorta? He had a list of reserved tables and honestly, he didn’t like how I looked.” Clayton lightly touched the scruff on his face.

Loki made a face, “I think you look fine.” He pulled the menu over to himself and began flipping through it. “They have an interesting selection of food…”

Rapidly, Xena shifted through the data of numerous different stock markets, picking out which would be a good investment. Much to her annoyance, someone contacted Clayton’s holoname. Since he wouldn’t be home for a while, she answered it. “Flagship of the Orussid King.”

“Ah, Xena! How are you doing?” Thor greeted the AI warmly. While she reminded him far too much of Ultron, he couldn’t deny her immense help several months ago.

“Good evening, Thor. Everything is fine.”

“May I speak to Clayton? I have a few questions about the next shipment I want to send.”

“He’s currently out on a ‘not-date’ with Loki. I’m not sure when they’ll return.”

This took Thor by surprise. “What do you mean?”

“They’re being two idiotic children and constantly gawking at each other, but are too spineless to actually say anything. So, they went out on a date tonight, while vehemently denying it’s a date, to the local theater and are having dinner afterwards.”

This caused Thor to laugh and shake his head. “I can’t say I’m surprised. The last time I spoke to Loki, all he talked about was Clayton. It’s good that he’s finally acting on things.”

Xena scoffed. “Barely. They both tiptoe around each other. I’ve been trying to subtly encourage things, but…They’re fucking idiots and I’d slap them both upside the head if I had a physical body.”

“Them being together would strengthen the alliance between New Asgard and New Elysium.” Thor mused. “But I’m more concerned about my brother being happy.”

“Oh, a schemer after my cold, metal heart. I love it.” She crooned. “No, I honestly didn’t consider that. I was looking at Clayton’s wellbeing.”

“Loki mentioned him being very work focused?”

“Correct. Loki acts as a good distraction. I initially intended a friendship between them, but they chose to develop something further.” She paused. “I trust you’ll remain silent about this?”

“Yes, of course. I’ve hoped for years that Loki would find someone. If he’s found that in Clayton, then who am I to say otherwise?”

“I’m glad you feel the same, Thor. Now. I have some questions on things Loki might like…I want to have a list of things I can suggest to Clayton…”

Clayton quietly giggled and leaned against Loki a bit more than he normally would. “Oh my God. That wine was strong.”

Beside him, Loki smiled. He, too, felt the effects of the wine but not nearly as strongly as Clayton thanks to the difference in physiology. “I thought it tasted good.”

“It diiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!”

“You’re drunk.” Loki noted as the other man swayed slightly as he walked.

“Absolutely.” Clayton reached the bridge railing and leaned forward against it to steady himself, then draped his arms over the metal as he surveyed the river in front of him. “Y’know. I didn’t like the play, but dinner was nice.”

Loki stood next to Clayton, but clasped his hands behind his back. “I’m glad. I’ll avoid suggesting plays in the future though.”

“Nah. Can try different types. Might find one I like.” Lazily, Clayton swished his tail around, the movements nearly a wag.

“This is true. Asgard had a number of different plays, most of them recounting important historical events or epic battles of yore. One of my favorite plays was ‘The Fall of Svartalfheim’ and it recounts a massive battle between Asgardians and Svartálfar. It was by far one of the largest plays and required several hundred actors.” Loki smiled, fondly. “It always took several days for the entire play to be completed due to the size of the different sets.”

“That sounds awesome.” He looked over to Loki. “I’m guessing it’s based off an actual event?”

“Most certainly!” Loki turned slightly and began recounting the battle, pleased that Clayton seemed to be enthralled with his story. “And then Bor had the Aether hidden away so no one could use it again. Unfortunately, Thor’s then girlfriend, Jane, discovered it…Somehow. But that’s a story for another time. It’s getting late.”

Slowly, Clayton nodded. “That was something else…But you’re right.” He looked back towards the water. At the edge of the horizon, he spotted the faint glittering glow of the planet’s ringed moon. Honestly? He didn’t want the vacation to end. Maybe Loki had been right and he needed to schedule more time for himself. “Yeah. Let’s head back to the ship.”

Once back at the ship, Clayton still felt tipsy from the wine. He felt calm, relaxed, and nothing bothered him…Part way between being almost numb and still capable of thinking, mostly, clearly. He rarely drank because of how it made him feel; the worry of becoming an alcoholic scared him.

Clayton stood at the entrance of his room and watched Loki drift past him. On a whim, he grabbed the other man’s hand and gave it a slight tug before giving a faint head tilt towards his room. Loki gave him a somewhat confused look, but followed him into the room.

Finally, he spoke quietly, “I don’t want to go to bed alone, tonight.”

Loki made a faint nod, “Alright.” He briefly hesitated before getting into bed with Clayton. “Goodnight, Clayton.”

“…Night.”


	30. Hope & Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Birthright" - Celldweller

Loki didn’t exactly know what drew him out of sleep, he just knew that he felt absurdly comfortable. Still, it took him a moment to wake up enough to become aware of slow, steady breathing on the back of his neck. Right, he’d gone to bed with Clayton. While the request had caught him a bit off guard, he welcomed it as a sign of trust.

The other man remained asleep and Loki thought he could slip out of bed in order to take a shower. Carefully, he moved the arm that’d been draped over his waist and eased out of the bed…Only to fall flat on his face with a loud _thump_. Sometime during the night, Clayton had wrapped his tail around Loki’s leg and caused it to fall asleep.

A noise from the bed above caused him to look up. Clayton peered down at him with a quizzical expression. “What happened?”

“Your tail.”

“…Oh.” Leaning down, Clayton tugged on Loki’s arm to help pull him back onto the bed while he uncoiled his tail from around the other man’s leg. “Sorry about that.”

Loki winced at the sudden, sharp ache in his leg and foot. “I think I’ll sit here for the moment.”

“Good idea. I’ve done that to myself a few times and…It basically resulted in the same thing.” Clayton laughed and flopped down on his stomach before doing a full body stretch. “I always have to take a few minutes before I get up to make sure my leg isn’t dead asleep.”

Briefly, Loki chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched the muscle of Clayton’s back shift under his shirt. Quite honestly, he felt curious about how it all worked and he itched to touch, but kept his hands to himself. The incident at the pond remained a strong reminder.

“What’cha staring for?” Clayton looked over at Loki.

“I’m not going to lie: I’m curious about your physiology. Not in a sexual sense, but in an…Academic sense. You’re arguably the only one of your kind and I have so many questions on how everything works.” Lightly, he gestured at Clayton’s back. “The muscles in your back, for example, help control your tail and I’m curious on how much of your tail they control.”

“I’m guessing why that’s why you touched my back at the pond?” When Loki nodded, Clayton sighed. “Yeah. I figured as much.”

“I have what probably seems to be a strange request.” He hesitated, unsure if Clayton would be bothered or not. “But, could I simply watch your back while you move your tail?”

Clayton stared at Loki for a long moment before finally laughing. “You fuckin’ nerd.” He shifted a bit and tugged his shirt off. “Stare away.”

Loki tried to stifle the noise of delight he made as he scooted closer to Clayton. “May I touch your tail to…”

“Oh my God.” Clayton dramatically rolled his eyes and grabbed Loki’s hand before putting it on his lower back where the skin remained human. “Literally the only place that I’m touchy about is right at the base of my tail, which is where you touched at the pond. If you stay on the human skin, you’re fine…But when in doubt, just ask.”

He couldn’t help but freeze and stare at Clayton’s back with wide eyes. Then, he snapped out of his shock and lightly ran his fingers over the muscles, trying to form a mental picture of how they were attached. They seemed to control the macro movements of the tail, Loki noted, as he periodically requested a certain movement. The more complex movements were likely controlled by muscles in the tail, itself.

Curiously, he moved his hands up the other man’s back to figure out where the muscles ended. Every so often, he pressed his fingers into the muscle to get a better idea of the anatomy. However, he paused when Clayton made a quiet noise. “Did I hurt you?”

“Huh? No. Feels good, actually. I’m always kinda stiff in the morning until I start moving around.” Clayton stretched again and made a face before wiggling his hips then lashing his tail a bit. “Do me a favor. Press down on my back right here. Nice and steady till it pops or I tell you to stop.”

Loki eyed where Clayton indicated on his back with his tail before leaning over and pressing down with his hands. Since he didn’t want to hurt the other man, he started out gently and slowly increased the pressure. Abruptly, Clayton’s lower back cracked loudly with a stomach-churning sound and Loki jerked his hands back, horrified that he’d broken something.

Rather than being alarmed, Clayton merely wiggled his tail a bit and sighed in relief. “That is a ton better.”

“What…What the _fuck_ was that? It sounded like I broke something!”

“Huh? My back just needed to be popped.” Clayton lazed over onto his side. “I think I want breakfast.”

Loki watched the other man get up, grab his shirt, and leave the room while he sat on the bed feeling utterly traumatized. Finally, he slinked out of the bedroom and returned to his own room to grab clothes, then headed to the bathroom to take his shower. When he returned to the living area, Clayton glanced up at him and made a quiet noise of interest before going back to his tablet.

“What?”

Clayton looked back up again and lightly gestured at Loki. “You’re blue.”

Quickly, Loki glanced down at his hands. Rather than the pale aesir skin he normally saw, he saw blue Jotun skin. He quickly drew up his illusion and silently dared Clayton to say something derogatory. Instead, the other man went back to his tablet and sipped his coffee. He stood there for a moment, waiting. Finally, he quietly huffed, “Well?”

“Well, what?” Clayton looked back up and simply blinked at seeing Loki as he usually looked.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

“…About?”

“The blue skin?” Loki slipped into the chair across from Clayton and crossed his arms defensively.

“I have a tail for Christ’s sake. Someone having blue skin isn’t the weirdest thing in the universe.” Then, he muttered before sipping his coffee, “Besides, if it’s good enough for Captain Kirk, it’s good enough for me.”

Loki figured that Clayton had referenced Star Trek, but didn’t quite understand what he meant. “What do you mean about Captain Kirk?”

“It’s a long-standing joke that Captain Kirk banged every alien woman he came across. So, when faced with a picture of something unusual but still attractive…Well, the phrase comes into play.” He shrugged. “I’m not Asgardian. I don’t have the stick up my ass about…Jotun, was it? Whatever. If you wanna wander around all blue and stuff, I don’t care.”

“I…Thank you for the offer, but I’ll politely decline. It only serves as a reminder of the insults the Asgardians hurled at me.”

“Makes sense. I do have a question though.” When Loki looked up, Clayton lightly gestured at his face. “The markings on your face…Were those ritual scars?”

“What?! No!” Loki looked and felt absolutely offended. “That’s barbaric. They’re natural!”

Clayton quickly held up his hands. “Christ. I didn’t know. There’s a couple cultures on Earth that have similar designs and it’s ritual scarification.”

This simply caused Loki to huff and look away. The question hadn’t been an attack and had instead been benign information seeking; he’d done much the same when asking about Clayton’s sexuality. He looked back to the other man and sighed. “I’m…Sorry. It’s a sensitive topic.”

“Y’know. If Asgardians are such assholes…” Clayton frowned and found himself reconsidering the alliance.

“No. Clayton. It’s due to an ancient war. During the peak of their power, thousands upon thousands of years ago, they attacked Asgard. They slew a great number of the people before my great-grandfather, Buri Geirson the first king of Asgard, was able to drive them out. Since then, Asgardians have held a deep hatred of Jotun. Otherwise, they’re amiable towards other races…Provided they’re not trying to take over the galaxy.” He fiddled with the mug of tea that’d been set out for him. “Thor’s spent time on Earth and wishes for peace between the Asgardians and other races. That’s part of why he seeks an alliance with the Orussid…To right past wrongs.”

Loki looked up at Clayton. “Both you and Thor command races honed for battle, but neither of you want to conquer. The two of you have the ability to forge an alliance that could last for generations. While the Asgardians hold no love for me, and I them, I…Still can’t exactly blame them for how they’ve treated me and like or not, they’re the only people I know. Perhaps I still seek to redeem myself in their eyes.”

“Fuck what they think, Loki.” Clayton scoffed. “Worry about what makes you happy. If I would have continued caring about what my parents thought? I wouldn’t have gone into the military. I would have landed with a dead-end job and probably a couple of kids I didn’t want to help make. Trying to make other people happy at the cost of your own happiness is _fucking dumb_.”

“So. Is this the only bit of advice you’ve given that you’ve actually followed?” Loki teased.

“Yeah, pretty much. I’m a dumbass, but I’m a dumbass who hates being told what to do. Which is hilarious ‘cause I went into the military and that’s basically all that happens.”

Loki sighed and slid his hands under Clayton’s so he could run his thumbs over his knuckles. “Please stop calling yourself that, because you’re really not.”

“Huh?”

“Stop calling yourself dumb, or stupid, or any other word that insults your intelligence. You’re not…You’re absolutely brilliant.” He looked up and had a somewhat sad look on his face. “You do so many things that requires a high level of intellect. You were key in the strategy to defeat Thanos, for example.”

“Xena did all the–“

“ _Stop_. She was only a part of it. You were a bounty hunter, yes? That takes research, doesn’t it?”

“Well. Yeah. Gotta figure out where they’ve been, where they’re going, who they hang out with. If you’re breaking in, gotta know the layout of the building, escape routes, and…” Clayton trailed off and stared with Loki who’d raised an eyebrow, knowingly. “…Asshole.”

“Smug bastard.” Loki corrected, absently. “My point is: you’re not dumb and you’re certainly not an idiot. I’m aware you had issues reading as a child…But that’s simply an issue with how your brain interprets things and it has nothing to do with your intelligence. Besides. If I didn’t find you intelligent, I wouldn’t have offered the political alliance anyway.”

“Oh?”

“After returning to New Asgard with Thor, I began to think over what’d happened and I concluded we were both acting out from our respective stressors. I also realized that I enjoyed being around you when you weren’t angry over what Thanos did.” He quietly laughed and looked down. “I also found myself a bit impressed by your fighting skills…At least what I saw. But I became curious about you and your people…Mostly you, if I’m honest. Then, as I worked to set up the trade route, I discovered that the man I first encountered and the man you actually are were two different people.”

He shook his head and grinned as he looked back up at Clayton. “Of course, this only fueled my curiosity because I’d learned next to nothing about you. So, I schemed on a way to make my stay on New Elysium a bit more permanent. I’m still not sure when I started to become attracted to you…But…I enjoy your companionship. Even if…Even if we never do anything intimate, I don’t think I’ll mind. You don’t care about my heritage, my titles, my past mistakes. You like me for…Well, me.”

Throughout Loki’s speech, Clayton remained quiet. The man had finally started opening up and Clayton worried that if he said anything, it’d caused Loki to clam up. Honestly, he felt a bit awkward. He’d spent years keeping everything bottled up and the idea of being open with everything left him floundering a bit. “Considering what I am…I can’t really be judgey. And I guess a good portion is because you sorta understand how I feel, or at least…” He trailed off and pulled his hand away from Loki’s in order to facepalm. “God I’m bad at this.”

“I don’t really need a response. You’re listening, which is more than what most people have offered me.” Then, he quirked a slight smile. “You’re finally giving my suggestion some serious thought?”

“Yeah, I am…I mean…You’re right. Never gonna know unless we try.” Sighing, Clayton glanced over to his coffee cup. “I won’t promise that I’ll be good at it.”

“Well, we’ve gotten this far, haven’t we?” Loki simply shrugged, “Let’s just keep doing what we’ve been doing.”

Clayton spent the next week trying to fall into the idea of maybe-sorta being in a relationship, but the idea usually ended up causing his mind to stutter and turn to his last relationship. On the plus side, Loki didn’t try to push things which occasionally prompted him to lean against the other man before darting off to ‘do something’. He just didn’t know where the still raw wounds ended and unfortunately, he had to figure out what his limits were. Thankfully, a lot of things on the ship were coming up due for inspection or replacement. It gave him a quiet place to think.

…Quiet being a matter of opinion, anyway.

The music thumped around him, echoing slightly in the vent he worked in. He seriously had no idea why ship manufacturers always put important fuse boxes in vents. Likely because most people couldn’t fit into vents and so the manufacturers could send in robots to get everything changed. The problem with that notion? Clayton had absolutely no problem getting into the vents or moving around in them. It just meant dislocating a joint or three. Painful on paper, mild inconvenience in reality.

Movement from below caught his attention. Evidently, Loki had decided to investigate the noise and Clayton grinned at the opportunity that’d presented himself. Carefully, he shifted onto his back and slowly eased himself out of the vent so that he half hung out of it. He gingerly reached out and tickled the back of Loki’s neck as the man looked around the engine room. Briefly, Loki scratched his neck, then crossed his arms as he continued scanning the room. Clayton rolled his eyes and did it again. This time, Loki turned around and jerked back with a startled noise.

Clayton grinned and laughed until Loki suddenly poked him in the stomach causing him to swat at the offending hand. “Hey, hey. No.”

Loki ignored the protest and kept prodding the other man’s exposed stomach. Thanks to Clayton’s position and tensed muscles, he had plenty of targets to poke. “You startled me, you asshole.”

“Worth it.” Clayton kept the grin and batted at Loki’s hands, then spoke with a mock whine to his voice. “Hey. Hey. I call abuse.”

He allowed the other man to capture his wrists, but then abruptly leaned forward to do a bit of capturing of his own. Loki felt delighted that his kiss had been returned, and while Clayton seemed to be more of a shy kisser, he didn’t really mind. It felt…Nice. When he pulled away, he smiled, but the smile immediately dropped at the wide-eyed look the other man had. Oh, shit. Before he could say Clayton’s name, the man suddenly ducked back into the vents and he heard a faint scuttling as he fled. Loki sighed and hung his head in frustration. “Fucking, damn it all.”

Clayton all but launched himself out of the vent in his room. Immediately, he slapped the console by the door that locked the door and stood there, panting. Behind him, his tail twisted and lashed as he tried to process what had just happened. He leaned against the wall then pressed a hand to his chest at the tightness he felt there and sucked in air. It felt like the air had gone thin, but he knew it hadn’t. It just…

“Clayton, just breath. You’ll be fine.” Xena softly soothed. “Lay down and focus on breathing.”

He faintly nodded, and slowly moved to the bed to curl up on his side. Xena’s watchful eye over the entirety of the ship meant he didn’t have to explain what’d happened. The sensation of his chest being tight didn’t resolve, but he didn’t feel suffocated as badly. He sucked in another breath and covered his head with a pillow to give the illusion of everything being blocked out.

Loki climbed up to the living area and headed to the helm, worry twisting around in his stomach. “Xena? Where’s Clayton?”

“In his room. Just leave him alone for right now, and I’m entirely serious.”

Worriedly, he looked up at the camera. “What? Is something wrong?”

“He’s…In the middle of an anxiety attack right now and I don’t know if you’d help or make it worse.”

A pained look crossed Loki’s face and he looked down. Surprisingly, he felt horrible at the idea of causing Clayton such emotional distress. He picked at the bracelet as he sat down in the pilot chair. “I should have considered that it’d upset him with his history.”

“I honestly don’t think he knew it’d happen, else you simply caught him off guard. Once he calms himself, I’ll ask him and let you know.”

Loki nodded, “Yes, he trusts you a great deal more than he does me. Could…You tell him that I’m sorry and I didn’t intend to startle him?”

“It’d be best if _you_ told him, Loki. I highly doubt he’ll be angry with you. That being said, I can walk you through making a food he enjoys. It’ll likely help smooth over your unintended faux pas.”

Immediately, he got to his feet. “Yes, of course.”

“I’ll display the recipe on the table hologram.” Xena had gained plenty of experience in gently nudging organics into doing things that’d be helpful for their mental state. Clayton had seen to that. She’d surmised early on that Loki had a history of self-harm during moments of great emotional distress and this certainly counted as emotional distress. By keeping Loki busy, she could minimize his distress while having something made that’d help with Clayton’s distress. A win-win all the way around. Since Loki had busied himself, for the moment, in gathering the ingredients, she shifted more of her attention to Clayton.

He still remained curled up, but his breathing appeared to have leveled out and he’d finally uncovered his head. She briefly made a subtle adjustment to the lighting before she spoke. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. I…Feel dumb for freaking out. It wasn’t bad just…I guess I didn’t expect it and…I freaked out.” He sighed and rubbed the side of his face. “Makes me wonder if I can even pull off a relationship.”

“Do you want one?”

“I like having him around and…I honestly had a lot of fun last night.”

“Then you can pull it off. Remember that one job, shortly before the Orussid, where you bagged the nigh untouchable pirate?”

Clayton smiled slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. That was hard as hell.”

“And the odds were against us. When I pointed this out to you, you mentioned how ‘the harder something is, the better it feels when you succeed’. While it’s not the same as a hunt, I think the same thing applies. Loki has already stated, repeatedly, that he’s willing to be patient and is up to the challenge. You’re both entering uncharted territory and there will be issues.”

“I know, Xena. I know there will be. I just…Don’t want to get invested and find out that he thinks it’s too much work.”

“Clayton, he’s had many, many chances to leave after finding out about your past, but he’s actively sought to be around you. Believe it or not, but you have an Asgardian Prince who’s absolutely taken with you. You’re overthinking again.” She sighed. “Honestly, you should be bringing these concerns to him, not me.”

This made him sigh loudly. “Because you’re easier to talk to.”

“You’ve known me longer. Just fucking talk to him, Clayton. It’d help a lot of issues.”

“Yeah, but.” Clayton started, fully expecting a rebuttal from the AI, but clearly, she’d washed her metaphorical hands of the conversation. “…Cock.”

When he finally slinked out of his room, the smell of beef stroganoff greeted him. Blinking a few times, he glanced at Loki who sat at the table, reading a book. “How’d you know to make that?”

Loki looked up and immediately closed the book. “Xena told me how. Clayton…I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have…” He trailed off at the headshake from Clayton. “I upset you…Why aren’t you angry?”

He sighed and sat down across from Loki. “Because I didn’t know it’d happen. So why should I be mad? It’s like…Being mad at a kid for drawing all over the wall the first time they discover a marker. I don’t know what’s going to set me off and I don’t know what I’ll be fine with and you’re just going to have to deal with that. If you can’t…”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to have your back.” Loki got up to his feet in order to make two cups of tea. “And…I try to look at the big picture. For me, moving slowly and learning what upsets you and what I should avoid doing will be worth it when I can hug you or…Doing something slightly intimate without you flinching.”

“That might take years, Loki. It might never happen.”

“Then it’s beneficial that I’m patient.” He leaned over to glance at the pot of food before turning off the heat. “I’m stubborn and I’ve made up my mind, Clayton. You’re not going to get rid of me easily.”

Clayton took the cup of offered tea and made a faint smile. “Good.”

Quietly, Loki dished up two bowls of the stroganoff and set them at the table before finally sitting down, himself. “Xena showed me the recipe and told me how to fix it.  Hope it’ll be as good as you’ve always made it.”

“One way to find out.” Clayton scooped up a forkful and took a curious taste before making a noise of enjoyment. “It’s good.”

“I’m glad.” Loki found the flavor interesting, but not bad. After a moment, he hesitantly reached out to touch Clayton’s arm. “Are you wanting to continue watching Star Trek tonight?”

“Not tonight. I’m wanting something funny. There’s a series on YouTube I wanna watch.”

“Which series?” Xena asked as she turned on the holoscreen.

“...Fuckmothering.”

“Oh. _That_ one.”

Loki simply had a confused expression and Clayton grinned. “Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. Basically, this group of people took a show, edited it, recorded new lines and…Yeah. It’s just comedy gold.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

When the final episode finished, Loki looked over to Clayton. “Where’s the next episode?”

“They haven’t finished it yet.” Clayton got up to put away his empty bowl of ice cream.

“…Well, that’s bullshit.”

Clayton just laughed, “Liked it, huh?”

“I did.”

“There’s a bunch of funny stuff on YouTube. We can watch more tomorrow, but I’m gonna go to bed. Just…Kinda drained.” He offered Loki a tired smile. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Loki glanced away for a brief moment before looking back to Clayton. “Again, I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Lightly, he squeezed Loki’s shoulder as he passed the man.

Once Clayton had closed the door to his room, Loki quietly sighed. Despite both Clayton and Xena’s reassurances, he still felt that he’d immensely fucked up.


	31. A New Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mission to the Unknown" - Audiomachine

Blearily, Clayton raised his head, unsure of what woke him up.

“Clayton! Get up!”

“What?” He rubbed his eyes and damn near fell out of bed, thinking something had gone wrong.

“We’ve arrived at Izaph. The asteroid will impact in about one hour.”

He groaned, “You woke me up for _that_?”

“It’s a once in a lifetime event. Watching a recording is nice, I’m sure, but seeing it in person is completely different. Besides. I also woke Loki up.”

Clayton just made a dramatic groan as he grabbed his shirt off the floor and pulled it on as he left his room. As he did so, he damn near ran into Loki who looked as startled as he felt. Though, he couldn’t help but grin slightly. “I had no idea your hair could be so fluffy.”

Immediately, Loki’s hand shot up to touch his hair, then he quickly glamored himself so that his hair appeared to be slicked back. Then, he furrowed his brows in confusion when Clayton almost seemed to _pout_. “What?”

“I thought it looked nice instead of you always looking like you have five pounds of grease in your hair.” He meandered over to the coffee maker with a yawn and jabbed the power button with a finger. “But…You do you I guess.”

Loki considered the comment for a long few moments before dropping the illusion. “It tangles easily and I don’t always have the time to…” He trailed off at the exasperated noise Clayton made. “What?”

“Stop hiding behind masks and illusions. I don’t _care_. I don’t care that you’re actually blue. I don’t care if your hair is messy. I don’t care if you’re not perfect. Perfect is _boring_. If…If I’m going to being with someone or date them or whatever the hell this is, I want to know the actual them…Not the person they want me to think they are. Because at that point…It’s just a lie.” He looked down at the container of coffee grounds in his hands. “And I’ve had enough of that in my life.”

“I’m not trying to lie or be disingenuous with you. I’m just used to protecting myself. I’m just…Worried I’ll reveal some aspect about myself and it’ll drive you away.”

Clayton scoffed and started working on Loki’s cup of tea. “Unless you’re secretly a rapist or like diddling kids, then I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to drive me away.”

“I am no such thing.” Loki didn’t bother to hide the offense in his voice. “I’m not sure what you mean by ‘diddling kids’. I assume something equally horrific.”

“Yeah. People who molest kids.”

Loki’s offense only got worse. “How dare you even thi–“

“Jesus Christ, Loki. I was being sarcastic.” Clayton held the mug of tea out to the other man. “I know you’re not.”

He took the mug with a quiet huff and wrapped his hands around the warm ceramic. “I can’t always tell when you’re serious and when you’re joking. You’re so deadpan most of the time.”

“It’s an acquired skill.” Clayton tentatively sipped on his coffee. “Look…About yesterday. I’m sorry for freaking out on you.”

Loki’s head popped up, “I’m the one who should apologize. I acted without thinking.  I should have known that you might react poorly to being kissed.”

“Oh, quit it. How t’fuck were you supposed to know if _I_ didn’t know? I’m going to be completely honest: I haven’t been in any sort of relationship or had sex with anyone since…” He vaguely gestured, knowing Loki would understand. “As…Much as I like to claim I’ve moved past everything, I honestly haven’t. I’ve done the age-old Clayton trick of handling bullshit: bottling it up and ignoring that it happened.”

“Everything’s still raw.”

“Bingo!” Then Clayton scoffed and looked down at his mug. “I don’t know what’s okay and what’ll set me off. I think I mentioned that before but…It’s worth mentioning again, I guess. I’m not going to be mad at you if you accidentally do something. I _will_ have a problem if you keep doing after I’ve told you to stop.”

Loki shook his head, “No, I won’t push it if you tell me to stop.” Then he offered a somewhat sad smile. “I did enjoy the kiss, though.”

“Yeah, that was something else, huh? Then I ran off screeching.” Clayton laughed. “Ah, Christ. What a fucked-up pair we are.”

“Oh, it’s not too bad. A bit of sardonic humor here, a dash of devil-may-care attitude, and a touch of horrific past traumas for flavor.” Loki replied before raising his eyebrows and taking a sip of his tea.

“…Good God. I’m rubbing off on you. I love it.” He grinned before turning and making his way to the helm. There, he eyed the blue gas giant that reminded him heavily of Uranus. “So, this is the planet that’s gonna get smacked into?”

“Correct. We still have about thirty minutes left.” Xena noted as she brought up the projected trajectory on the middle console. “It’s expected that the atmosphere of the planet will ignite.”

Clayton took a seat in the pilot’s chair and briefly glanced at Loki. “So, if this is some big deal, why aren’t there other ships here?”

“There are.” She updated the rightmost console with a recent sensor scan. “There are approximately 200 ships who are observing the phenomenon.”

“…I stand corrected.” He glanced back to Loki who stood beside him. “Hey, you wanna sit instead? I‘m fine with standing.”

This caused Loki to mutely shake his head before going back to his tea. Clayton considered for a moment and then rolled his eyes before fiddling with the chair so that he could lean back further. Then, he scooted back and dragged Loki down to sit between his legs at the front of the seat. “Hah.”

Loki sat there in surprise, and quite frankly, stiffly as Clayton got himself more comfortable. He hadn’t expected the action at all and didn’t quite know what to do. So, he sat there, back straight as a rod. At least, till Clayton poked him in the side, causing him to squirm to the side reflexively.

“You can lean against me.”

“I realize that, I just…”

“ _Oh my God_.” Clayton rolled his eyes nearly hard enough for them to fall out of his head. Then, he wrapped an arm around Loki’s chest and pulled him back. “Stop acting like I’m made of glass.”

He remained stiff against Clayton’s body, concerned the man would suddenly freak out and shove him in the floor. Instead, he simply leaned to the side slightly to continue drinking his coffee without getting Loki’s hair in it. Finally, Loki allowed himself to relax. “You could have simply said something.”

“…I did. You refused.” Briefly, Clayton stretched his foot out so that his ankle quietly popped. “So. What should we do after this is over?”

Loki made a quiet noise of indecision and took a drink of his tea. “Perhaps return to New Elysium? I still want to adopt a similar form as yours for a short while.”

“I still really don’t understand why you want to.”

“To get a better reference point for how you live your life.” He turned his head slightly to look at the other man out of the corner of his eye.

Clayton furrowed his brows in confusion. “Okay…But…Why?”

“Because you’re physiologically different from anything in the galaxy, and by living as a member of your race for a short while, it’ll give me a better idea of how you see and interact with the world. Really, it’s just me wanting to better understand you.”

“I guess that makes sense. I should probably check in with the Orussid, anyway, to see if there’s anything I need to deal with.”  He mused as he rested his coffee mug on his thigh. “How long do you plan on staying that way?”

Loki shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. A few days, at least. I suppose it just depends on when I get bored.” After a moment, he squirmed to get more comfortable and grabbed Clayton’s arm to wrap it around his waist. “So. When’s this event supposed to happen?”

Briefly, Clayton raised his eyebrows at the new position his arm had been directed into, but didn’t say anything against it. “Xena?”

“In about three minutes.” She updated the center console. “We’re at a safe enough distance in case anything happens. However, I have the jump drive on standby with a course to New Elysium pre-calculated and imputed.”

“Hey, is that it?” Clayton pointed at a ‘moon’ that seemed to be getting closer to the planet.

Loki squinted at it a moment, “That’s no moon.”

This caused Clayton to stare at the back of Loki’s head for a moment. “He made his first pop culture reference.”

“I’m so proud.” Xena teased. “But yes, that’s the asteroid.”

Slowly, the asteroid tumbled head over heels towards the gas giant. As it entered the upper atmosphere, the front of it ignited into a vivid orange. Then the orange rapidly spread out as the atmospheric gases ignited. Quite quickly, the entire planet became engulfed in oranges, reds, and other colors as the different gases burned. Now and then, plasma arced away from the planet, only to be blown away by celestial winds.

The earlier teasing from Clayton and Xena went ignored as Loki watched the death of a planet unfold in front of him. Instead, he laced his fingers with Clayton’s, but his attention shifted to red flashing words on left console. “What’s that?”

Clayton set his coffee cup on the floor, then tapped the words. “Sensors are going nuts and think we’re too close to a sun.” He flicked something to the side and brought up more detailed information. “Holy, shit. Yeah. That thing is heating up.”

“The other ships are leaving.” Loki pulled his hand away from Clayton’s and stood up.

“Xena, get us out of here.”

“We’re at a perfectly safe distance for several more minutes.”

“Don’t back talk me. Get us out of here, now.” The console suddenly minimized the information on the planet in favor of pulling up the jump drive information. Rather than going through the usual checks, it simply showed the plotted course right before they made the jump. Clayton sighed. “Xena, the hell was going on?”

“Simply put, some gas giants are suns that failed to ignite, so their gases merely coalesced and stabilized due to gravitational pull. Usually, these will never amount to anything…But in certain unique situations, they can be ignited by an outside source.”

The middle console flickered and displayed a video of Izaph as it continued to burn. “Several drone ships were released in the solar system to watch the event.” The video suddenly distorted before the planet exploded, white hot. Seconds later, the feed went dead. “Izaph was one of those unique situations.”

Loki gawked at the video before looking up at the window. “You mean to say…”

“Loki, Clayton, the both you just witness the birth of the F-type star, Izaph Prime.”

“…Holy shit.” He looked to Loki before making a dumb grin as he looked back to the console. “You weren’t joking when you said a once in a lifetime event. Are we heading back to New Elysium now?”

“Yes, we are.”

Leaning over, Clayton grabbed the mug of coffee before meandering into the living-kitchen area. “I think I want to go back to bed.”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to?” Loki drifted after the other man.

“Oh yeah. It takes more than half a cup of coffee to wake me up. Besides, I only had two or three hours of sleep.” After setting his mug on the table, he grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and laid down in the hammock.

Loki hesitated and lightly picked at the fabric that made up the hammock. Briefly, he considered asking Clayton if he could join him, but wondered if doing so would overstep his boundaries. “I’ll see you later then.”

“You were thinking about something.” Clayton squirmed slightly to get himself comfortable. “You had this look on your face.”

“It’s nothing.” However, the unimpressed look the other man had caused Loki to sigh. “I considered asking you if I could join you, but I don’t want to intrude.”

“Oh. I’m not sure about the hammock since it might be a little bit too close, if you get what I mean.” Clayton considered things for a moment. “I…Wouldn’t be against the idea of the bed?”

Loki smiled and offered his hand to help Clayton out of the hammock. “I’d like that. Yours or mine?”

“Mine’s closer.” He allowed himself to be pulled out of the hammock and once he stood on his feet, led Loki into his room where he flopped down onto the bed. After a moment, he wormed under the covers. It felt strange to be sharing his bed, but the night after the theater and dinner hadn’t been too bad. If anything, the morning after had been straight up hilarious. “Xena, how long’s it gonna take us to get home?”

“Five hours.”

After getting himself comfortable on the bed, Loki glanced over at Clayton. “So, we should arrive a few hours after we wake up.”

“Sounds like it. Depending on what time of day it is, we can see about getting you situated with being…Whatever the fuck I am.”

“You’ve never come up with a name for yourself?” Loki raised an eyebrow, curiously.

He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. “Never really saw a need for it. Just sort of considered myself to be a freak and called it good. I’m not really human, so I can’t call myself that, but I’m not really an Orussid, either. I’m…Something else. I’m also the only one, so who cares?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Unlike the last time they slept together, Clayton woke up first. Lazily, he stretched and carefully uncoiled his tail from around his leg before rolling over onto his stomach. The bed felt nicely warm and he didn’t exactly feel like getting up just yet. On the other hand, the need to use the bathroom prevented him from getting comfortable again. He silently huffed to himself and silently slipped out of bed to grab a fresh shirt. Might as well take a shower, too.

When Loki woke up, he found Clayton missing. Feeling a stab of concern, he sat up and glanced towards the door; still shut. Then, he looked towards the bathroom door and faintly heard the sound of running water. Before another thought could cross his mind, his stomach grumbled hungrily. He sat there for a moment longer before finally getting up and heading into the living-kitchen area to make something for breakfast. “Xena, how long until we reach New Elysium?”

“We’re actually in orbit. Someone landed in _my_ spot.” She didn’t bother to hide the annoyance in her voice. “Once the junker moves, we’ll land.”

By the time Clayton wandered out of the bathroom, Loki had finished with breakfast. “We’re in orbit over New Elysium, but someone’s in Xena’s usual spot, apparently. She didn’t appreciate it.”

Clayton raised an eyebrow and took his plate from Loki, briefly examining the food since it’d been prepared in a different way than he usually made it. “Must be a trader, then. All the Orussid know better.” Without any hesitation, he dug into his food and made a soft ‘this is good’ noise. “What is this?”

“A quick Asgardian breakfast.”

“Huh. I really like it. You’ll have to show me how to make it.” He glanced up at the faint vibration in the flooring. “I guess they finally got out of her spot.”

Even after landing and finishing breakfast, Clayton lingered on the ship to finish cleaning up, as well as send out a mental order for someone to pick up the last of the food to take to Cook. Then, he helped Loki pack up a few things so they could haul it to his room.

“Once we dump this stuff off, I wanna take you to up to the look out point so you can practice walking around.” He paused. “You still wanna wander around as…Whatever the fuck I am, right?”

“Yes, I do, but why are we going up there?” Loki sat the box of books down on his coffee table.

“The acidic blood. If you fall because you lost your balance, I don’t want you to accidentally hurt yourself and bleed everywhere.”

He scoffed and followed Clayton out of the apartment. “I’m not that clumsy.”

Loki ended up eating his words and then some the moment he changed his form. He hadn’t expected to suddenly hear thousands of voices, all at once. Certainly, he’d been in crowds, but these voices didn’t blur into one another. He heard each and every one of them as crisply as if they were next to him. Gasping in pain and shock, he clutched his head and fell over sideways, barely hearing Clayton. Then the voices were suddenly muffled. He opened he eyes and stared up at the concerned face of the other man, then felt confused on how he’d gotten on the ground.

“Are you alright?”

“I…That was them, wasn’t it? The hive?” Loki hated how his hand shook as he grabbed Clayton’s forearm.

“Yeah. Kinda acting as a barrier right now, but I’m not going to keep it up forever. Either you need to learn to shut them out or learn how to surf. ‘Cause right now, you’re gonna sink.”

“What?”

Clayton sighed. “I’ve…Sort of always seen the hive as an ocean. If I fought it, I’d sink. But if I let myself float on top of it, I’m fine and I can tune the voices out.” He made a dry laugh. “Guess neither of us expected for this to happen.”

The entire point of adopting a hybrid form similar to Clayton had been to see how the man lived and also to satisfy Loki’s own curiosity about his physiology…And the hive happened to be a large part of it. He sighed and steeled his resolve. “I want to learn to float.”

“Ballsy fucker.” Clayton grinned slightly. “You’ll have the advantage of having me around. Okay. Close your eyes. I’m going to slowly pull away from you and you’ll start feeling the minds. They’re almost going to rush to you and you’ll feel like you’re drowning. You’re not going to. Just…Relax. I’ll be here and the hive isn’t going to hurt you. If it’s too much for you, I can teach you how to shut your mind entirely. Ready?”

Loki nodded and just as Clayton had said, he felt the minds crash over him. For a split second, he felt terrified that he’d lose himself amongst the minds as he tumbled down and yet…He felt no hostility. The minds pulled away from him, moved under him, and boosted him back up to the surface where he floated. Then they parted again and left him sitting on a rock in the middle of the ocean. Around him, thoughts and emotions whispered past, images swirled in front of him before darting away. Finally, he opened his eyes and found himself confused at how dark the sky had gotten. “How…Long did that take?”

“Two hours.”

“It only felt like a few minutes.” Loki slowly released his grip on Clayton’s arm; his hand ached. “That was amazing though. I…Can still hear them but…”

“But?” Clayton flexed his own hand and lightly rubbed where Loki had grabbed him. Likely, he’d have a bruise.

Months ago, S’li had stated that Clayton kept his mind closed to the hive and Loki had simply assumed the statement to be a figure of speech. “I can’t hear you.” He looked to the other man. “I can feel you, but…You’re just…”

 _Static_. An Orussid suggested, helpfully.

 _Void_. Another supplied.

“You can hear them, but they can’t hear you.”

Clayton looked away. “Because you’ve seen my nightmares. You know the things that bother me. They don’t need to know and I’m worried that it’d affect them.” He snorted. “As weird as it sounds, I kinda see them as my weird ass kids and I don’t wanna fuck them up with my problems.”

“Would you open your mind to me? I’m certain mine’s already open to you.” Mostly due to Loki not exactly knowing how to close his mind.

“I don’t know. You should close your mind to them so they don’t react off of your every thought.”

“…I will.” He lied.

Clayton rolled his eyes. “Liar.” Finally, he climbed to his feet and leaned down to pull Loki up. “Walk on your tip toes. Your tail’s for balance.”

Loki damn near fell into Clayton and grabbed at his shoulders for balance. Once he had a semblance of balance, he glanced over his shoulder at the tail that twisted behind him. Immediately, he felt annoyed at how it showed his emotions. Clayton just laughed and stepped away, then tugged on his hands to encourage him to take a step forward. Loki carefully stepped forward, feeling unsteady. However, each step he took saw him becoming surer footed.

Finally, Clayton released Loki’s hands. “You’re getting the hang of it. We can work on running and stuff once you feel steadier.”

“I’m not sure how long that’ll take.” Loki replied as he slowly turned around and tried to figure out where his new center of balance sat. “I feel like I’m about to fall forward at any moment.”

“Yeah. It’ll take you awhile to figure out how to walk properly. Think you’re ready for the walk back to the apartment?”

“I believe so.” He moved to stand beside Clayton. While he didn’t feel as unsteady as earlier, he didn’t quite trust his new legs. Still, the other man’s advice had helped out immensely and by the time they reached the apartment, he no longer needed Clayton to hold onto his arm. However, the sight of the stairs seemed daunting. He carefully walked up them, keeping one hand on the wall and using the other to hold onto Clayton’s arm. When they finally reached his apartment, he sighed. “Enough excitement for the day. I think I want to read for a bit.”

Clayton laughed. “Yeah, I don’t blame you. I have some stuff to catch up on, plus I need to unfuck my sleep schedule. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’m going to demand that you don’t work yourself half to death.”

“I’m pretty sure you and Xena would gang up on me.” He grinned slightly. “I’ll see you later.”

After slipping into his apartment, Loki locked the door then made his way into the bathroom in order to better examine himself. At least now he could answer some of the more burning questions he had about Clayton’s physiology. Returning to his room, he laid down on his bed on his side and carefully felt between his legs. Obviously, the other man’d had sex in the past, which meant there had to be _something_.

It took him a few minutes to find the pouch, the opening cleverly hidden by a nearly invisible seam. Loki had suspected that things were kept internally, but he hadn’t expected it to be _prehensile_. Somewhat bemused, he laid there and curled part of his dick around his thumb. Very interesting. A second thought came to mind and he shifted himself so that he could hold himself with one hand then run his thumb down his lower back to the base of his tail.

At first, he couldn’t find anything. Then a sudden burst of pleasure ran up his spine and down his tail; he bit back a moan. In his hand, his dick thickened and became less flexible, but it still had the capability to move somewhat. He laid there a moment, suddenly understanding why Clayton despised the spot above his tail being touched. Loki, however, didn’t have such reservations.

Loki pressed his thumb into the spot again and slowly rolled it around, then began to lightly massage himself. The difference in anatomy made it an adventure to figure out what felt good, but then again, the spot above his tail seemed to overrule everything else. Each time he pressed into his back, his tail arched and twisted, causing all sorts of lewd thoughts to run through his mind.

He shifted from massaging himself to outright stroking, using the pre-come as lubrication. His hips bucked away from his hand and he rolled onto his back, his weight pressed his fingers harshly into his lower back. Immediately, his back arched involuntarily as he came on his stomach and let out a throaty moan.

Once settled back on the bed, he stared up at the ceiling, feeling dazed and quite certain that he’d lasted an embarrassingly short time. Still, with how intense it’d been…He couldn’t feel very surprised. After a moment, he got up and walked to the bathroom to clean himself off. It didn’t take him much longer to wonder what sex would feel like in this form.


	32. Misunderstandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "My Demons" - Starset

Clayton poked at his breakfast with some irritation and his irritation only got worse when he saw Loki wander down from his apartment. The man looked absolutely content, a stark contract to Clayton’s cranky mood. He couldn’t really blame him for wanting to explore his new form, but for Christ’s sake. Did he have to be so damn loud? He swished his tail and grumped out a ‘good morning’ before sipping on his coffee in hopes of soothing his temper.

The sudden shift in Clayton’s personality caused Loki to raise an eyebrow as he sat down. Clearly, something bothered the man. “What’s wrong?”

“Next time, try biting the pillow.”

Immediately, Loki knew what Clayton referenced. Unabashed, he pulled his cup of tea closer to himself. “Hm. Well, I assumed the walls and ceiling were a bit more soundproof.”

“Oh, no. You were loud enough to make a street side slut jealous.” Clayton snarked before taking another sip of his coffee to prevent himself from saying anything else.

“Excuse you. I am not a slut. _I_ am a high-class escort. If someone has to ask how much I cost, then they can’t afford me.”

Clayton promptly spat his coffee onto his plate and choked. Most people took offense to his snark and it tended to be rare to find someone who simply rolled with the punches. Across the table, Loki smirked and picked up the cup of tea; Clayton decided not to warn him about the tea’s temperature.

“How long has the tea been out? The cup doesn’t feel very warm.” Loki asked before taking a large sip. Immediately he choked at the hot temperature and gave the cup a highly offended look. “What the hell?”

This made Clayton grin. “So, the skin on your fingers…” He wiggled his own. “Doesn’t conduct heat very well and isn’t very sensitive to light pressure.”

“…Ah. So that’s why you always take small sips of your coffee.” He made a face at his now burned tongue. “What do you plan on doing today?”

Clayton worked on cleaning up the slight mess he’d made by spitting out his coffee. “Thor sent a message overnight about shipment stuff. So, I need to contact him. Have another trader coming in later today, too.”

He made a soft noise of acknowledgement and shifted his attention onto his breakfast. “Just don’t overwork yourself like you did before your vacation.”

“Or what?”

“I have my ways.” Loki looked up with another smirk. “And I can be quite persuasive, as you’ve likely noticed.”

“Uhhuh. All I have to do is climb up some of the ruins and you won’t be able to get to me. Just have to take a tablet with me and I can keep working.” He suddenly jumped when Loki smacked his leg with his tail. “What?!”

“No. You’re not going to overwork yourself and you’re going to take weekends off. You’re a lot happier and I don’t want you to ruin it.”

“Yeah, but. Have you ever ran a civilization like this? It honestly takes a lot of ti–“

Loki gave Clayton an unimpressed look. “Yes. I have. For several years, actually. Not only was Asgard successful, its people happy, but I also managed work and my personal life quite well.”

This caused Clayton to snap his mouth shut for a moment before mumbling out a lame ‘ah’.

“You, quite literally, are working yourself to death. A ruler needs to balance work and their personal life. Too much of either can spell ruin.” Behind him, Loki’s tail gave a slight wiggle, betraying his slight irritation.

“Hasn’t Asgard existed for like…Eons? You already had a framework to work with. I’m building it up from nothing.” He tried to ignored the sensation of concern that radiated off of Loki.

“Working yourself to the bone won’t accomplish anything. Why do you insist on working yourself so hard? Cities and civilizations aren’t built in a day…Or even a year, for that matter. It takes time.” Loki picked up his tea and carefully sipped it this time to gauge the temperature.

Clayton sighed and looked away, his tail twisting behind him. “Because if…I don’t keep myself busy. I start thinking. And if I start thinking…” He shook his head, not wanting to say it. “I just have to keep myself busy doing _something._ ”

Sensing the seriousness of the conversation, Loki set his tea down, pushed his plate to the side, and gently slipped his hands under Clayton’s. “Yesterday, you said no masks. The same holds true for you. Please. Tell me.”

Clayton just shook his head, which caused Loki to sigh in frustration. Although, adopting the other man’s hybrid form had evidently resulted in similar telepathic abilities, hadn’t it? Carefully, he reached out to Clayton with his mind. If the sharing of the nightmare had been any indication, the other man felt more comfortable showing than speaking.

_Please, Clayton, tell me._

He looked down, momentarily caught off guard by the concern that came with Loki’s words. _I’ve been suicidal since I got back from war. Rarely bad enough to try and do something but just…It’s always there. If I don’t have something to do it sort of creeps up on me._

Unfortunately, Loki had suspected something of that nature and he gave Clayton’s hand a light squeeze. _So, find something else to do than working yourself to exhaustion. Read, watch movies, something._

_That’s the thing. I have to be mentally exhausted to sleep or I start thinking._

He frowned and tried to think of something. The ranking matches suddenly came to mind. _You used to bounty hunt, yes? How did you stay in shape?_

 _I built a very small gym in a spare room on the bottom level of Xena. It’s just a punching bag and some weights, but it worked out._ Clayton abruptly went quiet for a moment. _You’re going to suggest that I work out in the evenings?_

Loki smiled slightly. _Some of them, not all of them. Physical rest is just as important as mental rest._

“I think you’re worse than Xena, because you can follow me around.” Clayton lightly moved his hand to thumb the bracelet he’d bought Loki. “You’ve never taken it off.”

“Well, presently I can only precariously wobble after you, but yes, I will.” His eyes dropped down to the bracelet. “Only when I bathe. Otherwise, no. It’s helped me a great deal and provides a good distraction when I need it. I deeply appreciate it.”

This made Clayton smile slightly. “I’m glad you like it. I had to do a bit of research because I wanted to find something to help you, but I didn’t know the first thing on what to look for. But it’s good that it’s helped you.”

Loki finally pulled his hands back to wrap them around his cup. Then he made a face. “I’m still trying to get used to the different proportions. Limbs are longer and things feel…Awkward.”

“Yeah. It might take you a bit. Also, I recommend filing down the claws on your hands so you don’t accidentally claw yourself.” He reached out to poke the claw on Loki’s thumb. “Personal experience. I can let you borrow my clippers and file if you need it.”

After examining his claws for a moment, Loki nodded. “I think that’d be a good idea. By the way, I forgot to ask last night, how’s Fox?”

“Being a broody little shit. He apparently laid his eggs a few days ago and is murder glaring anything that comes within five feet of his towel nest. Figure he’ll get bored of sitting on them by next week and I can throw them out.”

“I…Have a question. Do you mind if I go up to your apartment to see him? He seemed to like me the first time I saw him.” He tilted his head, curiously.

Clayton shrugged. “I don’t care. If you can get him to eat, that’d be great. Sometimes he doesn’t eat when he goes broody. He likes fruits and veggies, so offer him those. If there’s any blue fruit on the top shelf, those are his favorite. But anyway. I need to start handling business. I’ll see you later.”

“Try not to work yourself too hard, Clayton.”

Rather than replying, he simply got up to his feet and gave Loki a slight grin before he headed outside. This left Loki to wander upstairs to his room where he fetched a book, then continued to Clayton’s room. Fox had made his nest under the coffee table and made a grumbling growl at Loki’s intrusion. For the moment, he ignored the creature and went to the fridge. There, he found the fruit Clayton mentioned.

After grabbing the bowl, he returned to the coffee table and carefully crouched down so he wouldn’t lose his balance. Then, he offered one of the fruits to Fox. The creature huffed but took the fruit and munched down on it before snuffling Loki’s hand for more. Finally, he simply sat down on the floor and started hand feeding the beast.

When lunch rolled around, he wandered back downstairs and felt annoyed to see Clayton simply grab some food then leave again. He seriously hoped that the man hadn’t fallen back into his usual habits, but unfortunately, that seemed to be the case when the same thing happened for dinner. This time, Clayton headed up to his room and Loki didn’t hesitate to follow.

“Are you done for the night?”

Clayton shook his head. “Nah. Need to check the markets for some things. Shouldn’t take me too long.”

“No, you should rest.” Loki moved to grab the tablet out of Clayton’s hand, and scowled when the other man held it out of his reach.

“It won’t take long. I promise.”

Loki didn’t feel convinced, but laid down on the couch to read. “I hope not. I want to go on a walk with you.”

He didn’t quite know how much time passed, but when he opened his eyes, it felt a great deal later. Loki huffed out a sigh as he stretched, then put his book on the coffee table. He immediately frowned when he saw Clayton. The man had crossed his arms on the table, then leaned forward to use his arms as a pillow. His slow breathing suggested that he’d fallen asleep. Loki sighed and got to his feet to gently shake his shoulder. The position looked absolutely uncomfortable and he figured Clayton would end up with a sore back if he continued to sleep that way. “Clayton.”

Immediately, Clayton sat up straight and pawed at a spot on his chest, then felt confused when he didn’t find a weapon there. He blinked a few times and looked up at Loki, wide eyed.

Taking a step back, Loki held up his hands. “It’s alright. It’s just me. I just wanted to see you get to bed so you don’t hurt your back.” Then, he recalled when he’d felt around on Clayton’s back and how the man had enjoyed it. Perhaps a back massage would help him sleep? “And if you need some sort of stress relief before bed, I might be able to help with that.”

“If you wanted me to sleep, you should have just let me sleep.” He sighed and tried to calm his heart rate down, but felt slightly jittery from the sudden spike of adrenaline. Then, Clayton frowned at the offer, already know what the other man meant. “Loki, don’t offer yourself up like that. You know I’m not interested.”

Loki felt a bit confused, but didn’t voice it. Besides, the other man could hear his thoughts, couldn’t he? “I’ll stop if you share my bed with me.”

Immediately, his expression went cold and he glared at Loki. “Get out.”

“What, why?” He didn’t understand the sudden shift in mood and began to suspect that there’d been some type of miscommunication.

"You're just like all the others. Always trying to worm in. 'Oh, baby, no, I'm different from all the others. I promise'. Always the same, but then the truth comes out." He’d been so trusting and had started to believe Loki. After all, the man had promised…But Clayton supposed that things inevitably went poorly for him. That just tended to be his life.

It suddenly clicked for Loki and he angrily scowled. “That’s not what I meant, Clayton.”

"Get out or I'll throw you out myself."

He ignored the angry glare as he planted his feet and crossed his arms, his tail lashing behind him. “No. Look in my head to see the truth for yourself.”

“No. I’m pretty fucking pissed off and I’m not nice when I root around in people’s heads when I’m like that.”

“I don’t care. I want your trust and I want to settle this, permanently.” Loki barely finished speaking when his knees buckled from the sudden lance of pain in his mind. Perhaps it hadn’t been a wise idea, but the turbulent emotions and memories Clayton brought with him made Loki’s heart ache. Anger, defensiveness, betrayal, _fear_. Through the memories, he saw different faces and each whispering something; his own included. While they all said different words, it all amounted to the same thing: ‘you can trust me’. The clearest face and voice belonged to a purple haired woman with a half-grinned smirk.

Clayton closed his eyes at his overreaction and sighed softly. Loki had wanted to look out for him by keeping track of how much sleep he got, interrupting any nightmares, and potentially offering a back massage. Quietly, he helped the other man up and to the couch; he didn’t miss how Loki briefly clung to his arm.

“I’m not like that, I swear.” The pain in his mind steadily faded, but Loki still felt emotionally jumbled by what he’d felt. “Please, Clayton, you need to believe me.”

He looked away and sighed, "I want to believe you, I really do...But I've been told that so many times. I just can't anymore."  Clayton looked back to Loki who had the start of tears in his eyes. “I told you what happened to me and…I just took something so stupidly benign and blew it out of proportion. This is why I said that I don’t think I can be in a relationship. I survived what she did, but it nearly killed me. I just...I can't risk that again. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life and keep everyone at arm's length."

Gently, Loki took the other man’s hand and quietly grieved for him. He couldn’t fathom the idea of someone being so hurt that they couldn’t trust another living being. His own emotions felt jumbled and it finally dawned on him that he’d fallen in love with someone then been harshly rejected. Loki didn’t know which hurt worse: the rejection or the fact that Clayton had seen an offer for companionship and help as a disguised threat.

He never really expected to be heartbroken over what had happened to someone else, or have a strong desire to do what he could to help them. After all, his primary goal in life had always been to look after himself. Yet, he’d found both those emotions here with the man next to him. Emotionally, Loki really didn’t know where his emotions stopped and where the echoes of Clayton’s began.

Clayton slowly pulled his hand out of Loki’s as he stood. “I’m sorry Loki, but I’m not the person you’re looking for.”

Mutely, he watched Clayton walk away and into his bedroom. The sound of the bedroom door shutting seemed louder than it should be. He wanted to get up and follow after the man, but he couldn’t will himself to stand. Instead, he slouched against the back of the couch and sucked in a shaky breath as he looked at the bracelet on his wrist. Then he closed his eyes and covered his face with a hand.

What Clayton had told him earlier in the day worried him, and he immediately knew that he didn’t want to return to his apartment. He could faintly hear the other man moving around in his bedroom, then the sound of the shower being turned on. As long as he moved around, then Loki knew things were alright. He picked up his book to read again, determined to stay up till he knew Clayton had gone to bed. However, he quickly became lost in the pages of his book and dozed off again.

The dream came as flickers, nonsense at first. He found himself in his usual form, on a bed. Around him hands began touching and groping, feeling over his body despite his attempts to kick them away. They suddenly grabbed his limbs, pulling him down against the bed where they held him firm. No, he didn’t want this.

A faceless person appeared on top of him, making it impossible for him to tell if they were male or female. They leaned down over him, pinning his shoulders to the bed with their hands as they lazily moved their hips against him. Then, a voice whispered in his ear. “I just wanna show you how much I love you, Baby.”

The sound of Fox pawing madly at his door woke Clayton up. Groaning, he rolled out of his hammock and stumbled to the door. His attention shifted from Fox to Loki who laid on the couch, making quiet upset noises. He didn’t waste any time waking the other man up. “Loki. Hey. It’s alright.”

Quite suddenly, Loki wrapped his arms around Clayton’s neck and stammered out apologies in between sobs. While he felt caught off guard by the sudden action, he felt more concerned about what had Loki so freaked out. Not to mention, confused as hell on why the other man felt the need to apologize. “What are you talking about?”

“I had no idea it was like that.” Loki sucked a breath in and buried his head against Clayton’s neck.

“Loki, what are you talking about?”

It took him a moment before he stumbled over what his dream had been about. Despite the person in his dream being faceless, he _knew_ who they were supposed to represent. He let out a shaky exhale before whispering, “I’m glad you killed her.”

Clayton sat there a moment feeling chilled at how close Loki’s nightmare had been to the one he’d had for the past several years. While some details were different, it’d been far, far too close to his own to be mere coincidence, especially since he hadn’t really gone into detail over his assault. He sighed softly as he moved to sit on the couch. “I’m sorry. I must have brought some memories along with me when I went into your mind. You shouldn’t have seen that.”

Rather than replying, Loki pressed himself closer into Clayton’s arm as he tried to process the fact that the other man had actually gone through it. Hearing about it tended to be one thing, but pseudo experiencing it? He had a new understanding of Clayton’s trust issues. It saddened him to know that the other man didn’t have anyone to turn to after it’d happened.

He sat there, quietly, as he held Loki. Frankly, Clayton felt guilty over the whole thing. If he would have just asked questions instead of jumping to conclusions, this wouldn’t have happened. Sighing, he looked down at Loki who’d started shaking. He knew the man felt freaked out and he didn’t feel comfortable in leaving him alone…But at the same time, he felt exhausted. Clayton glanced at his bedroom door and quietly mouthed a curse word before looking back to Loki. How to handle this… “Loki, are you cold?”

Loki turned his head slightly to look up at Clayton, finding the question absolutely dumb. “What? No.”

“You’re shaking.”

He murmured a quiet curse under his breath at how frail he must seem.

“…So, I figured you were cold.” Clayton didn’t want to outright ask Loki to come to bed with him, but it looked like he’d need to.

"Jotunheim is all ice. Jotun can't get cold."

“…Then why are you shaking?” He’d tried to offer Loki an easy way out, but since the man had decided to ignore it.

“It’s fucking nothing.” Despite the tough words, Loki burrowed his face into Clayton’s chest to hide the tears that’d started up again.

Finally, Clayton sighed loudly as he stood and pulled Loki to his feet. “Well, I’m not gonna fall asleep sitting up.” Lightly, he tugged the other man towards the bedroom. “Come on.”

Without any hesitation, he followed alongside Clayton, clinging to his side. While quite accustomed to violence, Loki couldn’t fathom the idea of someone forcing themselves onto another person. It horrified him to no end that Clayton had gone through it and suffered for years from the aftermath.

When they reached the middle of Clayton’s bedroom, Loki made a quiet, unhappy noise as the other man slipped away to fuss with the hammock. Still, the slight cross breeze from the window combined with the sound of nighttime wildlife helped ease some of his anxiety. Then Clayton had returned to guide him to the hammock.

Before he could get comfortable, Clayton found himself with Loki burrowed against his chest. Initially, he stiffened at having someone so close, but forced himself to relax. He doubted that even if Loki had it in his nature, the man currently felt too traumatized to attempt anything. After a moment, he coiled his tail around Loki’s and gave it a gentle squeeze as he tossed an arm over the other’s waist so he could lightly rub his back.

Slowly, Loki’s shaking ceased and he finally spoke softly. “Thank you. I didn’t want to be alone but…I was afraid to ask.”

“It’s kinda my fault, Loki. I overreacted hardcore and you paid for it. I’m sorry.”

“I should have clarified what I meant. I assumed you could hear my thoughts and would know what I meant.” He pulled his arms tighter against his chest so that he could wedge himself closer to Clayton.

He sighed at Loki. “Look. We can go back and forth all night trying to blame ourselves. Let’s just say we were both idiots tonight and leave it as that.”

“Clayton?”

“Hmn?”

“Can I stay here with Fox, tomorrow?”

Clayton gave the other man a slight squeeze. “Yeah.”


	33. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Afraid This Time" - Celldweller

Something moving against Clayton’s side woke him from a dreamless sleep and it briefly startled him to see Loki snuggled down against him. Then, he recalled what’d happened last night and grimaced slightly. The other man’s position hadn’t changed very much, but he no longer looked stressed or upset. Instead, he seemed fairly relaxed. This honestly made Clayton feel a bit happy, but it did nothing to help his bladder. He momentarily wondered if he should cut down the amount of tea before bed, but quickly discounted the idea due to how the stuff helped him sleep.

Slowly, he got out of bed without waking Loki and immediately went to the bathroom to relieve himself. Then, he returned to the bedroom to begin his usual morning routine of various stretches to loosen all of his joints. He didn’t have the joint issue if he slept on a bed, but beds made it hard for him to sleep on his back. So, it tended to be a bit of a toss up on which he wanted more: to be able to sleep on his back or not having to stretch his joints in the morning.

A particularly loud shoulder crack prompted a startled noise from Loki and Clayton turned around in time to see the other man’s head pop up right before he dumped himself into the floor. Clayton just laughed, both at Loki falling out of bed and his absurd bed hair. He wandered over and peered down at the other, wearing a slight grin. “Morning. You alright?”

“I’m pretty sure I just heard someone getting their arms ripped off.” Loki frowned as he brushed his hair out of his face.

“Oh. That was me. The hammock makes my joints a bit stiff. Pretty sure my rough and tumble life style hasn’t helped.” Then, Clayton grinned. “Wanna see a neat party trick?”

While the grin Clayton gave him said ‘100% mischievous’, Loki still felt a bit curious. “Sure.”

He didn’t quite know what to expect, but Clayton abruptly dislocating his shoulder with a horrific noise that reminding him of bones being crushed hadn’t been it. The man simply stood there with his arm dangling and flopping around a bit while grinning insanely. Loki immediately recoiled in horror and could only stare at Clayton popped his arm back into place. Before he could even form words, Clayton violently lashed his tail, causing his hips to crack loudly.

“That’s entirely normal by the way.” Clayton continued grinning as he stretched a few more times, prompting a few quieter pops. Then, he wandered back into the bathroom as he muttered about breakfast.

Loki simply sat there, feeling fairly traumatized. Then, he glanced down at his legs and wondered if he had the capability of doing the same thing. Quite frankly, the thought caused his stomach to twist. He’d dislocated limbs before during fights and it hadn’t been a fun party trick. On the contrary: it’d ended up being highly painful and caused a strong desire to _not_ dislocate any other limbs.

When Clayton returned to the bedroom, Loki still sat there on the floor still looking vaguely horrified. “Gonna sit there all day?”

“Quite possibly.” After a moment longer, Loki finally climbed up to his feet and gave Clayton an unimpressed look for doing the earlier so called ‘party trick’.

Finally, Clayton simply shrugged. “Well, I have work to do. If Fox starts chirping, it means he’s hungry. I’m guessing that by this point you know he eats fruit.”

“Yes, I was able to feed him some fruit yesterday. I think he ate up all of the blue fruit, though.”

“I’m not surprised. You might go downstairs and ask Cook if he has any. Otherwise, just give him the rest of the fruit that’s in the fridge.” Giving Loki a slight nod, Clayton headed out of the bedroom to start attending to the different matters of the day.

When Loki finally made it downstairs, Clayton had already eaten and left. Instead, a somewhat lithe Orussid worked on picking up the dishes as it quietly hummed to itself. Loki stared at the alien for a moment, having grown accustomed to the creatures towering over him. This particular one couldn’t be much taller than him. He stepped into its line of vision. “Excuse me, are you ‘Cook’?”

The Orussid didn’t look up, but instead send a mental emotion that Loki translated as ‘yes’. Then, he quietly sighed to himself. The Orussid were telepathic. Of course, they wouldn’t really be interested in speaking verbally.

 _Did King Sabaton already leave?_ Once more, Loki felt the sensation of ‘yes’. _I see. Do you have anything left over from breakfast?_

This time, Loki blinked a few times at the images of different foods that suddenly flooded his mind. When he focused back on Cook, the Orussid stared at him with a slight head tilt. He selected a few foods and returned an image of them together. Then, he supplied information how he wanted the meat to be cooked. In the span of a half a minute, he’d ordered his food…Something that would have taken several minutes had he spoken verbally.

Admittedly, he could see why the Orussid would have been so dangerous on the battlefield. A hive mind allowed for instant communication over distances as well as exact imagery of enemy movements. No wonder they’d proven so difficult for the Asgardians. He flinched at the sudden irritation from the hive and the ocean of minds seemed to suddenly churn around him. The Orussid still felt sore about losing the war against Asgard and some of them weren’t pleased with having him as part of the hive, as temporary as it might be.

A singular mind, much more powerful than the rest, abruptly rose up and silenced them with a simple thought. The mind expressed disappointment at the hive, and Loki ‘watched’ in mute surprise as the minds collectively looked away in shame as the emotion from the singular mind rolled over them. Memories suddenly bubbled up, reminding the hive of how long ago the Asgardian-Orussid war had been waged, how the hive worked towards a long-lasting alliance with New Asgard, and how Asgardians lacked genetic memory. A voice ‘spoke’, bland, neutral, and almost toneless…Yet it carried an order, one that the hive obeyed.

_He is one of us for the moment and you will treat him as such._

The irritation towards Loki shifted to something more apologetic. This caused him to scramble to project something that he hoped signified acceptance of the apology. Once the hive simmered down and shifted their attention to other matters, Loki rubbed the side of his head. He _knew_ the mind he’d felt had been Clayton and it awed him at how the hive had listened to the man without question. S’li had been right: the hive would march to their death if Clayton willed it. The memory of the former Battlemaster caused him to wonder how she fared on New Asgard.

Suddenly, an image popped into his mind of New Asgard, but rather than being in color, the world had been painted in monochromatic greys. He knew things were being seen by something other than eyes; the Orussid were blind, after all. The sun hung low in the sky, signifying the day had started to end. Children milled around and played while their parents worked to finish dinner. An Asgardian man approached and offered a bowl of stew. Orussid hands took the bowl and then S’li rasped out her thanks. As quickly as the memory had arrived, it vanished.

Loki smiled slightly, pleased that S’li fared well. Then, Cook appeared with breakfast, prompting him to lightly bow his head to give his own thanks. Before the Orussid could disappear into the kitchen, Loki made a quick request of more fruit and sent along an image of Fox. Cook rumbled his amusement then responded with a brief memory of a young Fox getting into a basket of fruit and making an absolute mess of things. Honestly, he could see the creature doing such a thing. Fox seemed to be a bit of a troublemaker, but clearly adored by his owner.

Quietly, Loki ate his breakfast and eavesdropped on the hive. Despite things, he found himself surprised at the sheer amount of gossip that floated around. Most of it tended to be benign and usually related to certain Orussid vying for a certain rank in the hive. Perhaps another who had decided to court someone. Or maybe a parent exasperatedly talking to another parent over their youngster being interested in ships rather than fighting. Oddly enough, it reminded him heavily of what he’d overhear in the Asgardian courts.

After finishing breakfast, he took the container of fruit Cook had brought out and headed back up to Clayton’s apartment. This time, he casually poked around the place. A few shelves hung on the walls with little knick-knacks, many of them seemed odd to have on display and seemed out of character for what the other man liked. A gawdy ring, a set of dog tags, and so forth. Then, Loki blinked a few times at the sudden realization. These were bounty hunting trophies. Clayton didn’t really seem the type to take trophies and since he’d made mention of being an active hunter, Loki surmised the trophies were from particularly difficult hunts.

Continuing on into the bedroom, Loki noted the usual furniture: a dresser, a bedside table, a chair off in the corner by the window with a foot rest next to it. The window drew his attention, however. A small table had been set up in front of it and adorned with several potted plants. Gently, he touched the tip of his claw to a vivid purple bloom on one of the plants, then jerked his hand back when the flower abruptly snapped shut and pulled itself closer to the main body of the plant.

Turning away from the plants, Loki wandered to the wall where a picture hung. A humanoid wearing green armor with a gold visor held some sort of rifle while they stood atop some large rock. Honestly, Loki didn’t know if the picture came from a battle or some sort of movie. Knowing what he did about Clayton, it could be either one.

Finally, he briefly returned to the living room where he snagged his book and then immediately returned to the bedroom to curl up on his hip in one of the chairs. Almost automatically, his tail curled over his ankles, looped in front of him, and flopped over his waist. Behind him, the tip lazily flicked, showing his contentment. Before he had a chance to fully get comfortable, Fox clambered up into the chair then wedged himself between Loki’s lower body and the side of the recliner. The creature then used Loki’s thigh as a pillow and made a content noise.

Clayton didn’t drag in till dark and when he stepped into his apartment, he quietly sighed at how it seemed to be empty. Loki must have wandered off to his own apartment. Slowly, he limped towards the bedroom and quietly cursed at himself for landing wrong. He’d decided to take Loki’s advice concerning working out and ran through some basic martial arts…And managed to land wrong when he did a spin kick. When he stepped into his bedroom, he stopped. Loki sat, curled up, in the recliner with Fox. Clayton stood there a bit awkwardly as he tried to put weight on his injured leg, but shifted his weight back to his other one.

Finally, he sighed and limped to the closet to grab a clean shirt. “Did you two laze around all day and eat all the fruit?”

“…Maybe. What did you do to yourself?” Loki extracted himself from Fox and got up to follow Clayton into the bathroom.

“I worked out this evening. Landed wrong when I did a kick.” Hesitantly, he pulled his shirt off to show a colorful bruise on his shoulder and down his side. “…And I might have lost my balance and fell? It’s nothing serious. I’ll be fine.”

Immediately, Loki felt concerned. “What the hell? Sit down, let me look after you.”

“I wanna take a shower.” Clayton tossed the clean shirt onto the counter and turned on the water.

“The shower is going to hurt if you go in with that leg.”

This prompted an eye roll from Clayton. “Good thing I can lean against the wall, huh? Isn't my first rodeo."

Frustrated, Loki grabbed the other man’s arm to try and stop him from getting into the shower. “Are you trying to make this difficult?”

“I don’t know what ‘this’ is.” Gently, Clayton pulled his arm away from Loki and got into the shower. There, he leaned against the wall slightly until he got his tail positioned to support himself. “I’ll be fine, Loki. I’ve had worse injuries. It’s not like there’s much you can do to help me…It’s just bruising.”

Loki walked out of the bathroom, baffled. Why didn’t Clayton want him to hea–…Oh. He probably didn’t know. He stopped, turned around, and poked his head back into the bathroom. "I can heal you with my magic so it'll stop hurting. It only takes a minute."

"...Since when can you do that? I thought you were just illusions and 'rawr suddenly knives!'." He paused in lathering up his hair to stare at Loki in surprise.

"Since always. But the knives are more fun."

Clayton snorted loudly at this. “You are pretty stabby. Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt. After the shower, I guess.”

“Alright.” He stepped back out of the bathroom and patiently waited. When Clayton hobbled out a short while later, Loki gave the man an annoyed look before pointing at the chair. “Sit down.”

“You realize I get hurt all the time. I’ve walked away from bounty hunts with a broken arm and ribs.” Still, he sat down in the chair since Loki had adopted a look that said ‘I will fucking stab you’.

“I don’t care. I’m still going to heal you.” He leaned over and frowned at the bruise on Clayton’s side before lightly tracing his fingers over the bruise. As he did so, the bruise faded where he’d touched and slowly spread outward. He did the same for the other man’s shoulder. “Where did you hurt your leg?”

Lightly, Clayton touched his side and felt surprised at how the tenderness had vanished. “My knee.”

Gently, Loki did the same for the man’s knee. “There. I’d say ‘be careful next time’, but I suspect that you’d ignore me and drag back with another injury.”

“You don’t have to heal me.”

“Well, no one else is going to and you said it yourself: you injure yourself all the time.” He took a step back and gave Clayton a critical look.

This caused him to quirk an eyebrow at Loki. “I thought you were supposed to be a delegate?” Of course, that had kinda floated out the window a while back, hadn’t it? “So why are you suddenly appointing yourself as my personal medic?”

Loki made a dismissive hand gesture. "It's called multitasking."

“I honestly don’t get it, Loki.” As he usually did, Clayton had started to overthink things and see danger when none existed.

"...Surely you Midgardians have people with more than one task assigned to them."

"...No. I mean...You were supposed to be a delegate. Then you wormed your way into trying to be an advisor, now you want to play medic, and then there's the giant elephant in the room of basically wanting to be my boyfriend. What's your end game?" He didn’t exactly want to push Loki into a corner, but the man kept himself guarded and it set off every alarm Clayton had. Either he’d open up, or Clayton would call everything off. He couldn’t be in a relationship where he second guessed every move his partner made.

Loki could only shrug. "I'm only worth something when I'm useful. The more valuable to someone I am, the better protected I am in case of emergency."

He hadn’t known, exactly, what to expect but the answer caused Clayton to scoff and briefly look away. "...Ah. So, it's just thinking of yourself, huh?"

"Mostly. And I've, admittedly, come to like you. So, it’s not _entirely_ about me."

Clayton gave the other man a bland look. It all just translated into him being used. Again. Frankly, he didn’t really know why he’d thought Loki would be different. Maybe he should have paid more attention to the ‘Trickster God’ tagline. "But you're only trying to worm into as many important positions as you can for your own safety."

Already, Loki had started to see where this had begun to head and he quietly sighed. Clayton had so many trust issues and the task of gaining his trust seemed more and more daunting with each passing day. For every step he took forward, he’d often step back two or more. "...At first, yes. I didn't know you, and you didn't make the best first impression."

"And so suddenly, things have miraculously changed?” Admittedly, he couldn’t deny the idea of him making a piss poor first impression. He hadn’t exactly tried to be overly nice to Loki in the beginning, not with everything that had gone on.

Loki shook his head. "Neither suddenly nor miraculously. I simply realized that you weren't going to hurt me, and then...Yes, things changed."

“And how did they change?”

He stepped away from Clayton to give himself room. Why did the other man have to keep focusing on the past? But then again, could he really blame him, knowing what he did about his past? Last night’s nightmare remained a firm reminder and it still angered Loki to know that Clayton’s trust had been broken so badly. Finally, he shrugged. “You’re not the person I feared. It ended up being an act and once things settled, I saw who you truly are. Then, we started spending considerable time together as part of the Orussid-Asgardian alliance. It’s not exactly strange that we’d start getting along.”

Clayton’s tail gave a small wiggle. "Getting along is a lot different than you fussing over me, wanting to know every little detail, and trying to get into my metaphorical pants. What's your damn end plan?"

This made Loki hesitate. He wouldn’t deny that he found the other man attractive, sexually and would certainly enjoy having sex with him. At the same time, it’d become more than wanting to get into Clayton’s ‘metaphorical pants’. A lot more, if Loki chose to be honest with himself. "It used to be survival, and then...You just seemed like you needed someone that gave a damn about you and looked out for you."

Admittedly, Loki had hit the nail on the head with that one. He knew damn well that he didn’t have anyone like that outside of Xena, but then again? She only needed him to keep up with her repairs. Clayton focused back on the other man. His stewing and overthinking had finally come to a head. Either he got the answers he sought, or he’d break things off out of self-preservation. He desperately wanted someone to trust, but the fear of being back stabbed again always remained at the forefront of his mind. "And what do you get out of the deal? You're not the type to agree to something unless it benefits you. Everyone else is second."

Loki kept his face carefully neutral, despite feeling back into a corner. The other man simply wouldn’t let up and it almost felt like an interrogation with how aggressive the questions were. Had it been anyone else and had he not been so invested in making things _work_ , Loki would have flat told him to fuck off. Instead, he made a slight, flippant gesture. “It’s in my best interests to keep you healthy and happy. Otherwise, it could end up poorly for everyone involved.”

He rubbed his forehead for a moment before looking away with a scoffed laugh. "So...Basically, you grew up a prince, loved the atmosphere around that...But got dumped on your ass by Asgard because you weren't Asgardian blood. Now you're skulking around to try and worm yourself into other places. It's only about you. Christ, you can't even keep your damn story straight."

"Considering that the only person who cares about me now has the responsibility of ruling a kingdom and protecting the Nine Realms, if I don't look out for myself, no one else is going to take the time. Going to fault self-preservation?" Talking about himself had never been a strong suit, but Loki had started to conclude that he’d need to do so in order to keep things going. The other man’s tail had started wiggling dangerously, a sure sign things were going south.

Clayton remained quiet for a moment before finally nodding slightly and looking back to Loki. "No, but you can find someone else to use."

The words caused Loki’s eyes to widen slightly at the realization of what Clayton meant. Either he managed to patch things up right here, right now, or things would be over…Permanently. All his hard work and effort gone. It meant he’d have to admit the truth of the matter. He glanced at Clayton’s tail that still wiggled, then back to the man’s face. Clayton had a bland expression and tilted his head to indicate for Loki to leave. Finally, Loki looked away, unwilling to meet the other’s gaze. "Fucking fine. I'm tired of not having anyone who cares about me and I thought you might. Happy now?"

Clayton’s stare softened and he spoke quietly. "...You could have just said that ten minutes ago." He ignored the slight glare he received and then sighed as he looked down at his hands. "But...I don't think I'm the right person...Not with what you're wanting. I think it'd just lead to trouble, because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to offer what you want."

"Look, if I'd known the whole...Story, with you not wanting sex way back in the beginning, I wouldn't have offered. I'm not that much of a dick." Loki carefully stepped closer to Clayton noting the movement of the man’s tail had ceased; his own tail twisted and he hated it. “I know you have problems with…Anything remotely intimate. I’m patient, however, and I’m willing to wait.”

He shook his head and looked back up with a sad expression. "It goes beyond that. I've never really been interested it, but that's beside the point. I have trust issues. I sleep alone because I don't know if I'm going to lash out in my sleep. I've got a billion and one issues."

Loki finally sat down on the foot rest next to Clayton’s knees. "...You don't think that I'm not fucked up, do you?"

"You seem to have a hell of a lot less issues than me." Clayton remarked, very, very drily.

“Maybe, maybe not…But I seem to remember you commenting a few weeks ago about the ‘who has it worse’ Olympics.” He nudged Clayton’s knee before carefully reaching out to take the other’s hand. “I…Look. We both have our problems, but they’re vastly different, as you said. And…Whatever may come, I want to have your back. I don’t know how many different ways I can say that.”

Clayton allowed his hand to be taken and looked down at their hands, unwilling to meet Loki’s calm expression. He really didn’t understand why someone would be so patient with him and his overall fucked-upness. "I…Honestly don't think I'm ready for any relationship. You're better off finding someone else instead of pining after someone who'll probably never return the interest to way to want or need."

"You seem to be under the impression that I bond with people easily. I don't. I'd rather stay with you as a friend than leave you to find someone to bed. As rough around the edges as you may be, I enjoy your company. It’s thrilling to meet someone capable of matching my quick wit and tongue."

The slight compliment caused him to finally look up at Loki and quirk a faint smile, but it faded quickly. "So…What. You're willing to stay unhappy for the sake of something that will probably never happen?”

"I'd rather stick to picking up strangers at bars. Much easier that way when you don't have to worry about emotional attachment."

He shifted his hand to lightly pick at Loki’s bracelet. “Then why stay here if you don’t like the idea of emotional attachment?”

"...I'm not sure how many ways I can say that I care about you before you realize that that's a driving factor in my decisions." Loki had an edge of exasperation to his voice, but he’d come to realize that Clayton could be dense, sometimes, about the notion of someone being concerned about him. The idea that being cared about had become foreign idea to the man made his heart ache.

"Because it doesn't make sense! I've cared about plenty, but it didn't mean I was happy. In all my relationships I cared about the person I was with, but most of the time I wasn’t happy. Or if I was happy, they weren’t. I get that you care, but you'd rather be somewhere else."

Loki finally made an exasperated noise. “You can be so fucking dense.” Reactions be damned. He abrupted grabbed Clayton’s head in his hands and pulled him down to kiss him, then pressed their foreheads together. Without hesitating, he mentally pushed every bit of concern he felt for Clayton towards him. Finally, he spoke softly. “I am exactly where I want to be, Clayton. There is no where else in the galaxy that I’d want to go. I feel like I belong here more than anywhere else I've been, and it has nothing to with the hive. As strange as it sounds, I feel more at home here than I ever did on Asgard. So, even if things don’t work out between us, I still want to stay.”

Clayton sat there, stunned. The initial act of the kiss had startled him, but the concern he felt from Loki had overruled it. Perhaps what stunned him the most, had been the sensation of utter truthfulness that came from the other man. He finally spoke, his voice cracking slightly. “Loki, I’m sor–“

Abruptly, Loki held a finger against the other man’s lips. “No. Don’t apologize to me. There’s nothing to apologize for. While I’ve only experienced a sliver of your traumas, I understand the need to defend yourself. Trust me when I say that I feel so much anger for what happened to you. Having to prove myself to people is nothing new, but you’re one of the few I’d willingly do so without hesitation. I’ll be completely honest: yes, I’d enjoy having sex with you. You’re attractive and if I went with Asgardian traditions, would be quite honored to be courted by you due to your fighting ability. But I also understand your reluctance.” He smirked slightly. “As you heard the other night, I have no problem with _handling_ things myself.”

This caused Clayton to look away with a loud snort. “That’s one way to put it.”

“I realize I should have been more open with you from the beginning but…” He sighed. It felt easier to talk about things now that he’d finally admitted his feelings, but he still hesitated. “I’m just used to keeping quiet about things. I’m sure you can relate. Perhaps things will be better now that I’ve told you. I…Suppose I just feared you rejecting me if I told you.”

“No...I-I want someone I can trust. I’m just scared it’ll backfire on me. I don’t think I can handle things if it fucks up on me again.”

Loki offered a faint smile. “Then I shall do my best to ensure I don’t fuck things up.” When Clayton nodded but didn’t reply, he stood and offered his hand to the other man. “If I know you, you haven’t eaten dinner yet. Would you like me to request Cook to make something?”

“Yeah…Dinner sounds great.”


	34. Sleepy Mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  "Space Oddity" - David Bowie  
> "Hotel California" - The Eagles

Clayton woke up to the soft sound of rain pattering against the building and he sleepily looked towards the window where the outside world still remained dark. Then, he glanced down at Loki who’d snuggled against his side, pressed his face into the crook of his neck, and under the blanket had wrapped an arm around Clayton’s torso. To compound any future attempts of leaving the hammock, they’d wrapped their tails together during the night. While the sensation felt completely foreign, it still left him feeling somewhat comforted. He really didn’t know why.

Already, a mental list of the things he needed to check on popped up in his mind and made him quietly sigh. Then again, he didn’t really know if he wanted to get up. He felt warm and comfortable and the hive remained a sleepy murmur in his mind; the rain kept most bedded down. Beside him, Loki slept a dreamless sleep and the sensation lulled Clayton into a feeling of sleepy sedateness.

Yet the need to do _something_ nagged at him, and the vague guilty feeling of not doing anything gnawed at the peacefulness. He hated being idle and bored. It almost always led to bad things. The arm around his chest gave a sudden, slight squeeze and he felt the light ghosting of lips against his neck, followed by Loki huffing out a soft sigh.

 _You think too loudly_.

Clayton blinked a few times at Loki speaking telepathically rather than verbally and cracked a slight smile. _Sorry. The quiet does that to me. Wait. You heard me thinking?_

 _Why can’t you just enjoy the peace? I realize you feel the need to remain busy, but there’s nothing to attend to today. There are no planned traders, the hive’s supplies are topped off, it’s raining, and the hive considers it a weekend._ Loki gently ran the side of his thumb up and down two of Clayton’s ribs. _Not exactly. I can’t hear your thoughts or feel your emotions like I can with the hive, but I know you’re thinking heavily. It’s this feeling…Almost as if I’m hearing someone in another room talking, but I can’t make out the words._

He lightly grabbed Loki’s hand and sent the other man a quick thought of how the action tickled, but then sighed. _Because I just have to keep myself busy and stay on top of things._

 _Staying on top of things is just an excuse and you know it. While you were talking to a trader yesterday, I talked with the hive. You’re caught up on everything. You can rest. If you have to stay busy, then you can stay busy in bed with **me**._ When Clayton stiffened slightly, Loki harshly sighed. _Not like that, and you know it. I meant talking about…Well, anything, really. Your plans for the hive, your adventures bounty hunting. I’m sure you have some interesting stories with that last one._

Clayton looked away from the other man. _Sorry. This is just my first attempt at anything after…_ He briefly clammed up to block the distress the memories still brought him. Words didn’t have emotions or memories attached to them like thoughts did. _I can’t help but worry._

 _I realize that, and as I’ve told you: I’m willing to be patient. But, Clayton…_ Loki hesitated for a moment before gently tilting Clayton’s head towards him, then lightly kissing him. _You think way too fucking much some times._

He tensed up at the kiss and tried to pushed away the sudden surge of anxiety. However, the anxiety quickly became buried by the sensations that came from Loki. Emotions of concern, worry, and…Affection…? Rather than feeling anxious, he found himself feeling a bit bewildered. It distracted him enough that he simply leaned his head into the hand that had started to run through his hair. Clayton would be a liar if he tried to claim he hadn’t missed the idea of being around someone and the small touches that came with it.

 _See? You think too much. This is why I’ve been trying to convince you to come to bed with me. When you get upset…You project your emotions and I figured I could attempt to mitigate things in some fashion._ Loki shifted onto his side and pulled Clayton into a loose, one armed hug. He wanted to comfort the other man, but not cause him to feel trapped. As much as Loki didn’t want to admit it, he knew he needed the contact just as much as the other man.   _I might call myself The Trickster God, but I’ve discarded my trickery for this. I just hope you’ll understand this in time._

_I know…I know. I just can’t help but remember._

_You allow a dead woman far too control over your life._ Loki noted and squeezed Clayton’s tail with his own.

Clayton pulled away from the other man and glared slightly before jabbing a finger into Loki’s side. _You **fucking** hypocrite. Don’t give me that BS when you still have nightmares about your dad._

 _I never claimed to follow my own advice. Besides, you’re not one to talk._ He raised an eyebrow at the other before shifting himself to get comfortable again. Unlike Clayton, he didn’t have strong mental control over his thoughts. A memory slipped out of him as a child, hiding in the library to cry after being heavily scolded by Odin for wanting to read instead of practicing his fighting skills. After Odin had finally stopped looking for him, Frigga found him and quietly consoled him.

Quietly, Clayton sighed at the memory and laced his fingers with Loki’s. _Your dad was an asshole._ At Loki’s sensation of being confused, he shrugged slightly. _You sent me the memory of being in the library._

 _Ah._ Loki glanced away. _I didn’t mean to. She…Was the only one who ever came looking for me to make sure I was fine._ More memories bubbled up. Him being taught to wield knives by her, visiting with her illusion while imprisoned, telling the Kursed and the Marauders how to escape in his anger towards Odin, and the news of her death. _I’ll forever blame myself for her death. I wish I could pin it on Odin…But I told them how to escape. You remember me telling you about the Aether? Thor’s girlfriend at the time, Jane, had it in her body and the Kursed was after it and my mother was protecting Jane._

_Wouldn’t the Kursed have found her anyway?_

He shrugged slightly and burrowed himself against Clayton again. _Perhaps? But maybe they would have been caught had I not told them where to go. I wish I’d done things differently, but I was angry at my father._ The memory of him being confronted by Odin and being told about his birthright bubbled up. _I can’t change the past, but it does nothing to ease my guilt. She warned me about so many things, but I kept falling into the same mistakes._

Clayton remained quiet for a moment as he thought things over. _I don’t know much about your relationship with her, beyond what you’ve said…But it sounds like you had a better relationship with her than I have with my mom. She was the Queen, right? I’unno. I think she’d be proud of you. I mean, not only did you help save the galaxy, but you’ve also forged the start of an alliance. Yeah, I agreed to it, but you’re the one who thought it up._

 _This is true. She always claimed if I put my energy towards it, I could have become a diplomat for Asgard. I was always skilled at negotiation due to being able to read people. That’s…Part of the reason I became so intrigued with you. Despite my efforts, I could never read you. Anytime I thought I had you figured out, you’d do something to completely throw me off. You’re as good at misdirection as I am._ Loki found his hand captured by Clayton’s again and watched with some amusement as the other lightly played with the bracelet.

 _Speaking of that…Let’s talk about you._ He sighed when Loki stiffened slightly against him. _I’m not going to drill on you like last night. It’s…I have questions about the whole…Gender…Stuff. You didn’t explain it very well and I want to understand it better._

 _Oh._ Loki frowned slightly and tried to think of how to explain it best. _It’s not something easily explained. It’s not like sexuality when you can point at someone and go ‘I want to fuck them’ or ‘I don’t want to fuck them’. It’s more of a feeling with your own body. I…Hm. You were human, correct?_

_Yeah. Then I kinda mutated._

_If you don’t mind me asking, how did you feel afterwards?_ He tilted his head back to look at Clayton.

_Scared and kinda horrified. Took months to get used to how I looked._

_Because what you looked like didn’t match with what you thought you should look like?_

_Pretty much._

Loki nodded. _It’s similar for me, just not on such a traumatic scale. Some days I’ll simply wake up and feel dissatisfied with being a man. Well, no. I supposed dissatisfied isn’t quite the word. Frustrated, I think is better. I shouldn’t have this or that. Or perhaps this feature shouldn’t be so sharp._

_So, you shapeshift into a woman and that helps?_

_Yes, or sometimes it’s not so strong and simply looking like a blend of both satisfies things._ He felt pleased at the sensation of Clayton beginning to understand.

 _Androgynous. Actually. That kinda reminds me. On Earth, we had a singer who tended to blur the lines between gender in how he dressed. David Bowie. He passed away a few years ago, unfortunately._ Clayton pulled away from Loki for a moment to grab his tablet. After getting comfortable, he started browsing around until he found an image of the singer in question. _He did a lot of different personas over the years. Lemme see if I can find a good song by him._

Curiously, Loki examined the picture. _That’s fascinating. Are there many singers who do that?_

_Not like him, I don’t think. It’s more the time period when he did it. It was kinda scandalous, I guess. Oh. Here’s a good song. I think it’s probably one of his better-known ones._

“…For here I am sitting in a tin can. Far above the world. Planet Earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do.”

Frankly, Loki had gotten minimal experience with Earth music outside of what Clayton liked. Overall, he’d found it distasteful but this music…He liked it a great deal better. _This isn’t bad. I like it._

Clayton abruptly grinned. _Yeah? Older rock? I can work with that. There’s a couple of bands that I think you might like. Queen, maybe. Oh! Hotel California. That’s a good one._

While the music came out slightly tinny due to the tablet’s speakers, Loki tilted his head and quietly listened to the music. Next to him, Clayton quietly hummed to the song. _You’re familiar with the singers?_

_Familiar? Fuck, man. I grew up with this music. I basically know the lyrics by heart._

_So, sing them?_   He raised an eyebrow when the other man snorted. _What?_

 _I’d be horribly off note and probably make your ears bleed_.

_Humor me?_

Clayton made a dramatic sounding sigh. “And in the master’s chambers, they gathered for the feast. They stabbed it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast.”

Softly, Loki laughed and only laughed louder at the other man’s annoyed huff. _No, no. You have a stronger accent. You’re not that bad of a singer. Show me more music, please._

 _Actually. I have a better idea. Lemme see if I can find it…_ It took several minutes, but Clayton finally found what he wanted. _You mentioned liking plays. Earth had a playwright by the name of Shakespeare. He’s been dead for a couple hundred years now, but his plays are some of the most popular in the world. This one is called Hamlet. You might recognize a couple of the actors. You know Picard in Star Trek? The same actor has a role in this play._

Immediately, Loki perked up. _Before we start watching it…Bathroom and breakfast?_

_Oh. Yeah. Definitely. Cook’s awake, so just tell him what you want. He’ll bring it up._

After a moment, Loki untangled himself from Clayton and climbed out of the hammock. Then, he scrunched up his face in discomfort at how a number of his joints felt stiff and almost painful. A moment later, the other man rolled out of the hammock and stretched; a deluge of joints popping followed.

 _You probably need to pop a few joints._ Clayton noted as he joined Loki’s side. _Let me show you a few stretches. If you’re not careful, you’ll dislocate your joints…If you’re anything like me, anyway. Here._

Loki allowed his limbs to be manipulated and tried to mimic Clayton when the other stretched. However, his mind quickly shifted to an admiration of his form which immediately tried to change to something sexual. He attempted to get his mind focused on the task at hand before Clayton caught wind of his thoughts and lashed his tail at him. However, the other’s expression said he’d already picked up on it. Instead, Loki chose to try and redirect Clayton’s attention. _Where did you learn these stretches?_

_Funny story. After I got out of the military and healed up, I moved up north to Chicago. Ended up meeting another vet and we opened up a self-defense studio together. Both of us owned it, but I ended up being the official owner on paperwork because I had better credit. Well, while I was going through all the BS to buy the place, he taught me some different martial arts. Thai kickboxing, Judo, and Jiu-Jitsu._

Loki couldn’t help but interrupt. _Martial arts?_

_Oh. You probably don’t know what that is. Basically, Earth is this heterogenous mix of different cultures and everyone has their own method of fighting. The east Asians have basically turned it into an artform. But it’s pretty much just a style of hand to hand combat. After mutating, I took the martial arts I knew and sort of made my own style. Turns out, not a lot of people can defend against it._

_Interesting._

As he guided Loki into another stretch, he continued. _Well, a lot of the people we got had no prior experience and weren’t really in shape. So, I got the bright idea to incorporate yoga into the pre-training session work out. Charles thought it was dumb, but considering the bulk of our cliental ended up being women? I guess it worked out._

 _That’s interesting, but none of these stretches have really helped._ Loki noted right before he received mental instructions from Clayton. He briefly hesitated before mimicking the stretch and he abruptly jolted to the side when his shoulder popped loudly. However, the ache that’d been present since getting up had vanished. _That helped._

 _Feel better?_ When Loki confirmed, Clayton grinned slightly. _Well, now you know what to do when your joints start bugging you._

A moment later came the sound of Cook entering the apartment and delivering the food. By the time the two made their way into the living room, the Orussid had already left. Clayton didn’t waste any time digging into his breakfast. Since the rainy weather left a slight chill to the air, he’d ordered a hot cereal to eat; Loki opted for scrambled eggs and fried meat. As much as he would have preferred to check his messages, the stern look from Loki kept him firmly perched on the stool.

They ate in silence for a short while before Loki finally sighed. _I have a question. It delves into matters that you might not want to answer. So, I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but…What happened when you mutated?_

Clayton didn’t immediately answer and instead, stared at his bowl for a few moments while he tried to organize his thoughts. _It started out like the flu or maybe a really bad cold. I was coughing stuff up and ached all over. Couldn’t keep anything down and I was running a fever. When the fever finally broke, I went and took a shower and the skin on my hands just…Sloughed off._ He gestured at the matte black skin on his hands and forearms. _I freaked the fuck out. Thought I’d had a mental break or something. Took some ibuprofen and went the fuck back to bed. Nothing had changed when I woke up and I knew that something fucked had happened. So, I put together a bug-out bag and left that night._

When the other man went silent, Loki gently touched his hand. Oddly enough, he ‘saw’ glimmers of the memory and whispers of the fear attached to them. _Go on._

_Drove for about three hours before I finally pulled over because I felt like I was gonna puke. The next thing I knew…I was screaming because the skin on my stomach fell off. Then it was just…You ever been in so much pain that you just…dissociate? Like, I knew I was in pain and I knew I was screaming but I wasn’t **there**._

Loki closed his eyes, looked away, and sucked in a soft breath at the sudden memory. Clayton, laying on his stomach, screaming in pain while his body changed…The sudden sound of the leaves around him starting to sizzle and hiss from his blood. A light touch to his hand drew him back to the present. _Sorry, I…Saw the memory._

 _Sorry about that. Could probably guess, but I woke up the next morning covered in blood. Shirt had basically been eaten away. Got myself cleaned up and dressed and hunkered there in the camp clearing till dark. Then…I faked my death. ‘Cause I knew I couldn’t go home again. Figured that I’d end up in some lab and never see the light of day again._ Then, he nudged Loki. _Stop feeling upset that I went through it by myself. I’m fine, and I honest to God mean it. It was rough settling into it but…I’unno. I kinda like it better._

After a moment, Loki climbed back to his feet. _Good. Shall we watch the play?_

_Sure. Figure we can just stay in all day and watch movies. If the rain lets up, maybe we can go for a walk._

Clayton stacked the dishes into a neat pile before he returned to the bedroom and rolled back into the hammock. He barely had time to get comfortable before Loki had burrowed down next to him and tossed an arm over his waist. When the other man coiled their tails together, Clayton couldn’t help but roll his eyes slightly. _You’re a cuddler._

_Is there something wrong with that?_

_No…I just didn’t really expect it. You come off as kind of cold and indifferent most of the time, but I’m guessing that’s because of how the Asgardians treated you?_ He shifted himself so that he could wrap an arm around the other man and Loki could use his shoulder as a pillow.

This caused Loki to shrug slightly. _While I’m used to acting like I’m indifferent due to the Asgardians, I just feel I can trust you. Safe, perhaps. I’ve predominantly chosen one-night stands in the past because there’s no risk of attachment and I suppose because for that short instance, I was important to someone. As twisted as it sounds. What few relationships I was in, mostly one my Father tried to arrange, the person only saw me as a political tool. There was no love or affection or anything of that nature. It was only was Asgard could gain by me being married off._

_That’s bullshit._

_It really was. But it’s all led me here and despite the issues we’ve had, I’m happy. I also really couldn’t call them ‘issues’. They’ve been more misunderstandings than anything._ Loki paused a half second before continuing. _And if we never, physically, have sex? I’m okay with that. I’m sure we’ll figure something out. I don’t want to say ‘I’m different’ anymore, because you’ve heard that so many times and it’s always ended poorly for you. So, I’ll stick to what I told you several weeks ago: I want to be the person who always has your back._

Weeks ago, Clayton would have been wary, but thanks to Loki’s current form and connection through the hive? He felt the sincerity that came from the other man, though he half suspected that the emotions were being mentally pushed towards him. Finally, he gave a slight nod before shifting himself so he could lightly tilt Loki’s head up in order to kiss him. _Thank you, Loki._


	35. A Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Heart On" - Celldweller

Clayton yawned and briefly leaned over to put the tablet on the end table. _It’s been a long ass time since I’ve just laid around all day and watched movies._

 _We didn’t just watch movies all day. We **did** have breakfast and lunch._ Loki briefly nuzzled his face into the other man’s neck. Over the past few hours, they’d slowly ended up in a tangled heap to maximize comfort in the hammock. Presently, he had his left arm and left tossed over Clayton’s body while the other had wrapped his arm around Loki’s waist.

Quietly, Clayton laughed. _Yeah, I guess you’re right. I still wanna do something or I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight._

Rather then replying, Loki shifted himself slightly in order to kiss Clayton. Since the action resulted in a positive noise, he further moved so that he leaned over the other. Behind him, his tail slowly moved in a lazy wag. The positioning felt a bit awkward, but he delighted in how Clayton had finally seemed to warm up to him. Long gone from his mind were Xena’s warnings of allowing the other man to make the first move.

The first few moments hadn’t been bad, but as soon as Loki had moved over him and not quite pinned him? Every alarm bell in Clayton’s mind exploded at once. He tried to squash down the rising sensation of anxiety. _I…Loki, no._

 _Hm?_ Loki sounded sleepy and vaguely confused, but paused to peer down at the man beneath him.

Clayton tried to pull away from the growing mass of anxiety and panic in his mind, to recenter himself so he could enjoy the first somewhat intimate time with someone else in years. His mind, however, wouldn’t have any of it. Instead of explaining to Loki, he abruptly shoved him to the side and bailed out of the hammock as his anxiety slammed into him with an angry vengeance. “Getoffame!”

Baffled, Loki could only watch, but then flinched at the sudden sensation of anger from Clayton. Why…Oh. He briefly closed his eyes at the realization of what he’d done and then opened then to focus back on the other when Clayton sucked in a labored sounded breath. **_Shit_** _. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t me– I’ll go now._

He scrambled out of the hammock and started skirting around Clayton, knowing damn well the anger he felt had come from his actions. Loki didn’t intend to stick around for that anger to come to a physical fruition. The suddenness of his arm being grabbed caused him to flinch and look at Clayton wide eyed. Despite the man in front of him having never harmed him, Loki couldn’t help but feel a slight stab of fear.

 _I’m not…_ Clayton trailed off and sighed as he sucked in air; he hated how his chest felt tight. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself…For reacting like that over something I wanted. I…It’s been three _fucking_ years and everything is still raw. I thought everything was going to be okay, but…”

Loki still remained tensed, even after Clayton released his arm and turned away to the table with the plants. He made an aborted move to touch the other’s shoulder, but dropped his hand; he didn’t know what to say or do. “I should have asked.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s okay and what isn’t and I’m not going to hold it against you. I’m still figuring all this shit out. It’s kinda why I said you should find someone else.” To calm his need to fidget with something, Clayton started lightly pulled dead leaves off of the plants and putting them in a small, neat pile.

Finally, Loki joined Clayton’s side and looked down at the plants. For the moment, he opted to change the subject to something less emotionally charged. “You don’t strike me as one who’d have plants.”

“Yeah. I don’t seem the type, do I? No, I like plants and gardening. Used to have a bunch of nice roses in front of my house in Chicago.” At Loki’s confusion, he sent a mental image of the roses he had. “It took a lot of work to keep the flowerbed nice. I don’t really have that sort of time anymore, but…”

“Mother used to have a small garden. She said the repetitiveness of it helped her think.” Finally, Loki lightly touched Clayton’s shoulder when the man rubbed his chest and grimaced. “Are you alright?”

“Chest feels tight and it’s kind of hard to breath. Just my brain being dumb and freaking out over something stupid.” He dropped his hand to his side and gave a forced smile.

Loki knew the feeling that Clayton described and frowned heavily. “Do you need to sit down?”

“I’ll be alright. Just…Let’s go for a walk, yeah? Talk about dumb stuff. It’ll go away if I distract myself. You were talking about wanting to go for one the other day.”

“I did. I didn’t really have a place in mind. I just…Wanted to spend time with you that didn’t involve you hunched over a tablet.” Loki glanced out the window where the rain had slowed to a light drizzle.

This caused Clayton to snort loudly. “So, what you’re saying is that you want more attention.”

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing. Honestly, you’d probably benefit from more attention, yourself.” Before the other man had a chance to protest or complain, Loki grabbed his hand and started dragging him out of the apartment. “Show me your favorite places. Surely the look out point isn’t the only one.”

“Well, I mean. I like taking walks in the jungle. There really aren’t any predators here that we need to worry about. The Orussid are basically the apex species on the planet.” The expectant look from Loki caused him to sigh. “I’m not talking my way out of this, am I?”

“Absolutely not.”

Clayton rolled his eyes, both at Loki and the amused emotion from the hive. Despite being a warrior race, the Orussid could be incredibly gossipy and there had been no shortage of rumors about him and Loki. Unlike him, with his relative ignorance about Loki’s gender fluidity, the Orussid had accepted the notion without issue. Gender and sexuality didn’t have a large impact in their world outside of when it came to reproduction. Still, it didn’t stop a number of rumors from popping up and despite Clayton’s attempt to squash them down, they persisted.

 _Spend time with your other._ One Orussid gently chided.

 _The King needs a companion._ Another noted.

A third helpfully supplied the image of Clayton and Loki having sex, which prompted Clayton to cover his face with his hands in order to hide the redness he felt forming. Beside him, Loki damn near cackled. “I like their train of thought.”

Loki let out a sudden, sharp yelp when his legs were suddenly knocked out from under him by Clayton’s tail. From the ground, he gave the other man a slight glare. “While I realize and fully understand your reluctance, we _are_ going to need to discuss that at some point. Specifically, what you’ve been willing to do in the past, before your…” He hesitated, not entirely sure what to call it. “…Assault. Just so I know what your boundaries are.”

Clayton just shook his head.

“You’re not going to surprise me if you have any unusual interests. I’ve seen and participated in a number of odd things.”

“No, it’s just…I have this deep fear of it being used against me. She…She knew about the base of my tail. Promised not to touch it and…” He shook his head again before finally offering Loki a hand to help him up.

“Clayton, I want to know so I don’t accidentally do something _you_ don’t want. I want to know your boundaries so I don’t cross them. The base of your tail is a prime example of a hard line not to cross and the only time I’d dare touch it is if you gave me explicit permission.”

“So, you’re telling me I’d have to say ‘Yes, you can touch the base of my tail’ before you would?” Clayton glanced over to Loki who nodded.

“Yes, you would. I don’t have the…” He sighed, unsure how to word things without being potentially offensive. Despite Clayton being hard to offend, Loki knew the topic tended to be a highly sensitive one with him. “I don’t intend to offend, so you’ll excuse my phrasing…I don’t have the reservations or insecurities you do. If there’s a sexual position, kink, or what have you…If you can name it, chances are I’ve done it. I _love_ sex. However, I recognize that you don’t share my views. I’m not normally one to follow rules, but in this matter? I’d follow your rules to the exact letter. Admittedly, I think some of my issues stems from me not exactly understanding your point of view, similar to how you didn’t understand my gender.”

Clayton remained quiet for a bit of time as they walked while he tried to sort out what he wanted to say and how to say it. “Let’s start with the sexuality bit. It’s…Almost a repulsion, at times. Like, sometimes, I can look at a person, find them attractive, and entertain the idea of having sex with them. Other times, I’m completely grossed out at the idea, no matter how attractive they are.”

“Grossed out? How?”

After a moment, Clayton laughed. “Uh. You ever think about your parents having sex?”

“Oh, by the Nine Realms, no! That’s...” Loki looked horrified at the mere idea but then abruptly shut up as he considered the question. “I think I get your point. It’s a physical attraction but anything more than looking turns you away?”

“Sorta? It’s kinda like window shopping, I guess.” He looked away and quietly laughed. “I’m sorry. I’m bad at explaining this.”

“It’s fine. Please, continue.”

“I just like looking at people. I like admiring how they look, sometimes I’ll be interested in having sex with them and sometimes the idea just absolutely turns me away. It doesn’t matter who it is or how long I’ve been with them.” Clayton looked down and made a slightly embarrassed laugh. “I…Honestly would prefer watching them masturbate than actually having sex. I mean, sometimes watching will get me interested, but uh…”

Loki made a quiet noise and nodded thoughtfully. “I can work with that. What about being involved with helping them?”

“Yeah. I’m fine with doing that. Dated one woman for a while who absolutely loved it when I bit her neck while she was riding a vibrator. It’s just…Weird, I guess?”

“Not at all!” Loki gently nudged the man next to him. “It’s what you prefer. No one’s being harmed and thusly, no one should judge. I can absolutely work with what you’d told me. That being said, when it comes to sexual things, I’m not one to take without giving. Surely you’ve become aroused when helping your partners?”

Clayton rolled his eyes, “Well, yeah. It’s easier with women because half the time, they can go for another round in a few minutes. Men can’t. So, by the time he’d be ready, I would have lost interested.”

“Hm. Well, do you like blow jobs?”

The sheer matter of fact way Loki asked briefly caused Clayton to do a double take before laughing. “You weren’t joking.”

“About?”

“Not being bothered by the topic of sex. Uh, wow. Wasn’t expecting to be asked that. I’m fine with them. If I’m in a sex repulsed mood, I’m just not going to want to do anything sexual, period.” Clayton ducked under a tree limb. “Which is something my past partners got frustrated over.”

“What about just staying in the hammock all day like what we did today? Or does the repulsion extend to just being physically touched in general?” Since the other man had decided to talk about himself, Loki intended to get as much information as he could.

“Oh, no. That’s perfectly fine. I actually do enjoy it.”

“Good.” He glanced over at Clayton. “Thank you for telling me. I know it’s a sensitive topic for you, but I have much better idea of what I can do.”

“It’s not a lot. I’m still not convinced that we’re sexually compatible. I just don’t wa–“

“Oh, shut up.” Loki stated, exasperatedly, and ignored Clayton’s shocked expression. “I may be high maintenance, but facts are facts: I’m slutty and I like attention. Just the idea of you watching me? That is quite a turn on, as far as I’m concerned. I won’t deny that I like being fucked until I’m limping, but…As much as it makes me sound like a hopeless romantic, I’d rather be here with you.”

“You do sound like a hopeless romantic. An idiotic one.” Clayton grumbled but gave a slight smile.

“Well, it wouldn't be the first idiotic thing I’ve done in my life. Frankly, it could be argued that my life has been a very long string of idiotic mistakes.” He paused in a clearing and looked to Clayton. “Self-deprecating humor aside, how are you feeling?”

“Better. I can breathe again.”

“Do you know what caused it?” He sat down on a fallen log and gently picked at the moss that covered it.

Clayton sat down next to Loki a moment later. “I’m not sure. I was alright up until you put your hands on my shoulders. I don’t think I can handle people leaning over me like that. At least, in an intimate way.”

“Understandable.” He leaned against Clayton and briefly entertained the notion of something sexual, but pushed the idea out of his mind. Considering what had happened earlier, he felt it to be in bad taste to ask. However, he jumped slightly when an elbow lightly nudged his side.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

“As you’re aware, I investigated the spot above my tail. I can understand why you don’t like it being touched, but I don’t have such an issue. I was merely entertaining the idea of you massaging it.” Then, Loki shrugged. “However, considering the events earlier, I didn’t think it’d be prudent to ask.”

Clayton quietly churned things over in his mind before sharply exhaling. “We can try? Just don’t hold it against me if I have to walk away. In the past I wouldn’t be bothered, but now…”

Gently, Loki kissed the other man, the action little more than a quick peck on the lips. “I won’t. How do you want me positioned?”

“Wait, you’re wanting to do it here?”

“Why not? You said yourself that you tend to be uninterested. If you’re in the mood, I want to take advantage of it.” Loki suddenly winced. “…Perhaps that wasn’t the best phrasing…”

Clayton only laughed. “I guess we can straddle the log with your back to me. It’ll let me hold your tail so you don’t beat me half to death.”

“How do you know about that?” Loki slowly shifted himself and leaned against Clayton once the other man had gotten comfortable.

“Dude. Just ‘cause I didn’t want sex with other people didn’t meant I wasn’t jerking it by myself. I once nearly knocked myself out by smacking myself in the head.” He leaned his forehead against Loki’s head and laughed again. “So, yeah. That’s kinda why I’m touchy about it, because I know how my body reacts.”

“Oh. My apologies. I simply assumed…”

“Nah. It’s fine.” Clayton lazily wrapped his tail around Loki’s and lightly rested his hands on the other man’s hips after slipping his hands under his shirt. “Uh, so…As weird as it sounds…Don’t touch yourself.”

Loki glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “What, going to make me come by only touching my back?”

“…That’s pretty much the plan, yeah.” Without waiting for a response, he dug his thumbs into the spot above the other man’s tail. Immediately, Loki made a sharp noise and dug his fingers into the moss that covered the log. However, Clayton faltered at the sudden sensations of pleasure he felt. He’d forgotten about that. “Ah. I’m not sure if…”

“What?”

“You’re broadcasting.” He stopped pressing his thumbs into Loki’s back, but didn’t remove his hands. While admittedly, it _had_ felt good…It left him feeling almost…Dirty to feel what the other man did.

“You felt…?” When Clayton confirmed, Loki frowned. “I don’t really mind the idea of sharing, but if it makes you uncomfortable…”

One of the Orussid suddenly butted in with amused exasperation; Loki had broadcasted his feelings to the entire hive. While he didn’t mind sharing with Clayton, the notion of sharing with _everyone_ caused Loki to go wide eyed and a bit pink cheeked. It hadn’t been meant for them! The exasperation turned to pure amusement and the Orussid gently chided the two of them before pushing the knowledge of how to create a temporary ‘private hive’.

“Christ. I haven’t gotten in trouble like that since I was a teen.” Clayton laughed and finally wrapped his arms around Loki in a hug. “I don’t think I’m ready for what they’re suggesting though. I don’t mind the idea of getting you off but…I don’t think I can handle feeling what you do. Could you close your mind for a bit?”

“…On one condition: you open yours’ to me when we’re done here.”

He hesitated at the ultimatum, but finally sighed and nodded. “Fine.”

It took Loki a few moments to figure out how to close his mind, but as soon as he did, he felt Clayton’s thumb digging into his back again. Immediately, he grabbed the other man’s arm that had been wrapped around his chest to give himself something to do with his hands. He moaned when he felt his neck being kissed, but the moan faded off into a needy whimper when the touch to his lower back lightened to a gentle massage. His attempts to push his back against Clayton’s hand only resulted in the man pushing his hips forward again. “Not nice.”

“Probably, but you did say you like being fucked till you’re limping. I’unno, man. Just kinda trying to simulate that.”

Loki swore he saw a mischievous grin on Clayton’s face out of the corner of his eye, but his eyes slammed shut when the other man harshly pressed his fingers down on either side of his tail. Already, his cock had lost all flexibility and ached from need. He didn’t care if he got fucked, fucked someone, or what. Loki simply wanted relief. His mind blanked when Clayton’s fingers and thumb started a rough tempo of pressing and releasing. He barely registered the sounds he made or his ragged breathing.  Then his vision briefly went white as he came.

When Loki suddenly tensed against him and made a gasping moan, Clayton pulled his hand away and wrapped his arm around the man to help support him. Unsurprisingly, the other slumped against him and sat there to catch his breath. Admittedly, Clayton couldn’t help but feel smug, even if his own cock ached and left him feeling uncomfortable. Sure, Loki had indirectly offered blow jobs, but he didn’t know if he felt up to it.

“Fuck.” Loki stated ineloquently as he slowly sat upright. “That was considerably better than what I managed.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you kinda blacked out there for a moment.”

“Not quite.” He turned and glanced down at Clayton’s lap where the other man had clearly become aroused. Loki made a light, vague gesture. “Do you want me to…?”

Clayton looked away. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to.”

“Do you want me to try? You can push me away if it bothers you. I won’t be upset.”

After a moment of thinking, he nodded. “Yes.”

Loki returned the nod as he slipped off the log and kneeled in front of Clayton. While he loathed kneeling to people, this sort of kneeling? Oh, he _loved_ this type. Gently, he pushed the other man’s legs apart and inwardly frowned at how the muscles of his thighs were tensed; he swore he saw them trembling. Looking up, “Are you _sure_?”

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

He didn’t feel convinced. Everything screamed that Clayton felt anxious, so Loki chose to take it a bit slow. Lightly, he kissed the man’s inner thigh. While unsure if Clayton felt it, the skin did seem thinner. He took his time, unsure if doing so would make things better or worse. When he finally reached Clayton’s cock, he slowly licked the underside of it, dragging his tongue over each bump and ridge. It left him churning over the idea of Clayton fucking him against the wall. As much as he loved the idea, he tried to focus on the task at hand.

Upon reaching the tip, he flicked his tongue over it, tasting of the pre-come. Not salty, almost sour or tart. He didn’t find this unusual. Different species tended to taste differently. Slowly, he took the other man into his mouth; he’d had bigger, he’d had smaller, but Loki didn’t consider himself very picky.

Once he’d fully taken Clayton into his mouth, he made a soft, content hum as he pressed his tongue against the man’s cock and pulled his head back. Above him, Clayton made a quiet noise. Encouraged, Loki quickly fell into a steady rhythm. However, the thighs his hands rested on suddenly tensed.

“Nope. I-I can’t.” Clayton quickly pushed Loki away. He actually hated to. The normally proper Asgardian looked messy and disheveled. Something he found absurdly attractive, much to his frustration. He rubbed at his chest and gave the other man an unhappy expression.

Loki wiped a bit of drool away from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “Same thing as earlier?”

Sighing, Clayton nodded. “Yeah.”

“Alright.” He pushed himself up to his feet. “But did you at least enjoy some of it?”

“Until my anxiety decided to be a bastard.” Clayton stood and began tucking himself away, the sudden surge of anxiety having killed his desire to do anything sexual.

“Then I’ll consider my attempt a success.” Loki wrapped an arm around Clayton. “…Remember what our deal was earlier?”

Clayton let out a harsh sigh. “Yes.” He didn’t really like the idea, but…Finally, he opened his mind to Loki. _Happy?_

The sudden surge of anxiety and worry that flooded his mind caused Loki to press into the other man’s side for a moment. Once he’d recentered himself, he gave Clayton a slight squeeze and pushed a sensation of gratitude towards him. _No, I’m not. You’re upset. However, I **am** happy that you trust me enough to do this. I realize how hard it is for you to do such a thing._

_Somehow, you’ve managed to prove yourself. I don’t know how since you were about to kill me._

_Frankly, it was an idiotic choice on my part. Still, it worked out, I think. However, I think we’ve dabbled enough in the past today. I want to know more about your plans for the Orussid._ Slowly, Loki walked alongside Clayton as they started on their way home.

_Oh. Well, I’m trying to introduce more culture that isn’t related to war. Did you know they have six different war songs? Each one depends on what sort of battle they’re going to and…_


	36. An Orussid History Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Empire" - Tommee Profitt Feat. Steven Malcolm

Loki learned a very important fact about Clayton within minutes of the man opening his mind: Clayton never stopped thinking. His mind bounced from one topic to another without rhyme or reason. If he talked about a topic, he half focused on the topic while the rest of his mind zoomed off to think about related things. Perhaps he’d make a mental note to himself to look into something or maybe he’d fired off a quick order to some Orussid. Overall, he simply seemed incapable of focusing on a single topic, something that quickly mentally exhausted Loki.

He didn’t really know if it had to do with how Clayton still felt anxious or if he simply thought about things non-stop. Finally, he touched the other man’s shoulder. _It’s starting to get late. What do you want for dinner?_

Quickly, Clayton’s mind shifted directions and actually seemed to focus on the topic. He quickly sifted through a number of meals, discarding the ones that didn’t interest him before finally settling on a baked potato. Then, he mused over what he wanted on it, the action a bit slower than his other thoughts.

 _I think I want one, too._ The look of surprise he received caused Loki to roll his eyes slightly. _I’m hearing a non-stop stream of your thoughts. Is…That how it is for you with me?_

 _Oh. Sorta? Because of the hive, I’ve just sort of learned to tune out thoughts. That’s why I kinda snapped at you the other night. I wasn’t really paying attention._ Clayton sighed. _I was tired and didn’t think to check._

Loki made a soft noise as he considered this information. If Clayton hadn’t been paying attention, then it made sense on why the man hadn’t picked up on his concerned thoughts. It seemed that they were both at fault on that one. Then again, that tended to be the general trend when it came to hiccups with their relationship. Thankfully, nothing to terrible had resulted from the various misunderstandings. Once they stepped into the building where they’d been staying, he glanced at the table before looking to the stairs.

 _I need to take a shower before dinner._ He gave a slight nod to the other man and headed upstairs to duck into his apartment, but continued the conversation seconds later. _So, your mental abilities decline when you’re tired?_

 _I guess? I honestly think they’re still developing. I don’t really use them as much as I should and the Orussid claim I should be stronger with them than what I am._ Clayton reached his own apartment and decided a shower wouldn’t hurt since he figured that Loki would want to spent the night again. _It’s just…When they popped up, it scared the shit out of me._

 _How much stronger? And yes, I do._ Truthfully, it felt strange to be talking to Clayton without being able to see him. Yet…Loki didn’t exactly dislike it. Though, this reminded him that he’d need to send a quick message to Thor to update him on matters. _Understandable. Most telepathic species develop their telepathy at a young age rather than adulthood._

_They don’t know. You up for some Orussid history?_

_Clayton, I love history books. To learn about the history of an ancient, previously extinct race is a literal dream._

This just caused Clayton to quietly laugh. _Okay. The Orussid were created eons ago by a Celestial. There’s a bunch of different names for her. The most common one being Anaheil, but they just called her ‘The First Mother’. Believe it or not, but she got pissed at another Celestial by the name of Eurynome, her brother. She was apparently obsessed with causing his death, the Orussid don’t really know why, just that she had a massive hate boner for him. Maybe a big fight happened between the two of them. But she wanted to destroy anyone associated with him. They don’t know if she succeeded, but he either was killed or completely fucked off because he abruptly vanished._

Loki listened, absolutely fascinated. _You’re bouncing around a bit._

 _Sorry. They’re trying to tell me to full story while I’m telling you. The original Orussid that she created were a lot more animalistic. More mindless, I guess._ Clayton sent an image of the early Orussid: a more streamline, vaguely skeletal creature that moved around on all fours. However, many of the traits remained the same: the tail, the inability to see, and the exoskeleton. _They were all telepathic like they are today, but completely loyal to her. But she gave them the ability to reproduce and adopt DNA from the species they killed._

The next images Loki received showed a hodge-podge of different Orussid. Many of them still four-legged, but others had shifted to being more bipedal albeit still hunched over. Loki curiously examined the mental images before discarding them and shifting his attention back to Clayton. _They evolved._

_Presto. She didn’t really care and simply selected the traits she liked and culled out the traits she didn’t. One of the species they pulled the DNA in from were a hive mind species and she really liked that trait, apparently. So, the Orussid shifted to more of a matriarchy society. The female ones tended to have the strongest telepathy and would end up leading the hive. When Anaheil died, or was killed, the Orussid fell apart since it was **her** telepathy that technically kept things going. The Queens in the hives were basically just the sub-leaders. They all started dying out, one by one._

_Except this one?_ Loki pulled on a fresh shirt and frowned at his reflection in the mirror before lightly tugging at his messy hair.

_Leave it alone. The messy hair is kinda hot. Anyway, yeah. All except this one. They were more advanced and took note of how Anaheil had basically selectively bred the Orussid. So, they adopted the same idea. The strongest telepaths would breed while they tried to pull in traits from other telepathic species. The size of the hive is limited by the strength of the Queen. The stronger her telepathy, the more Orussid can be in the hive. A Queen can have several sub-Queens to share the load, but it overall acts like a hard population limit. So, that was the main reason behind their selective breeding. It took them a couple hundred years of doing that until Moranna was born._

He raised a slight eyebrow at the request but opted to brush his hair to get rid of the tangles. _Your Orussid grandmother._

_I don’t even know what the hell to call her. ‘Cause one of her eggs changed Mom’s DNA and I eventually popped out. But, they called her ‘Moranna, the Death Queen’ because after building up a sizable army, she went to war. The galaxy hadn’t forgotten what Anaheil had ordered and so, they nearly drove the Orussid to extinction after her death. Moranna hadn’t forgotten either and wanted revenge. The Asgardians took notice of her and…Well, the rest is history._

_The Orussid-Asgardian War, which supposedly drove the Orussid to extinction._ Satisfied with his appearance, Loki made his way downstairs where Clayton already waited at the table. _You mentioned eggs, though?_

 _Right. Moranna was smart and when she saw that they were losing the war, she realized the Asgardians wouldn’t stop till her whole race was gone. You remember Xena mentioning the different ways of Orussid reproduction?_ When Loki nodded, Clayton continued. _Okay, well, the cocooning thing is basically an emergency type way of reproducing. It’s not the norm. They normally reproduce sexually and have live births. Eggs are less common and is more of when you have two females that’ve shacked up or when there’s not enough males. Anyway, when they lay eggs, it’s asexually…But the larva inside the eggs hold both sex chromosomes and so the resulting Orussid can be either sex. It just requires a host to incubate._

 _I assume that by ‘host’ the young Orussid erupts painfully and quickly?_ While not exactly a conversation most people would have over dinner, Loki had grown up on Asgard. Warriors recounting gory battles and sustained injuries over dinner tended to be the norm.

_Yeah. They just sort of chill in the chest cavity and…It’s not pretty. That’s why twins are so rare: there usually isn’t enough room for two of them. But anyway. Moranna sent all the capable male Orussid to the front lines while the females hung back and produced as many eggs as they could. Moranna being one of them. They hid the eggs in the ruins nearby and when the Asgardians finally reached New Elysium, Vawei back then, the remaining females fought to the death to protect the hidden eggs._

_What about Moranna and her eggs?_ Despite the food in front of him, Loki’s attention remained fixated on Clayton and his story.

_She managed six or seven eggs and hid them in a different area before she joined the others in trying to fight back the Asgardians. When she was killed, the resulting telepathic shock also killed the few surviving Orussid._

Finally, he dug into his baked potato and made a quiet noise at the flavor. _And then your Mom found Moranna’s eggs and then two or three decades later, you found the planet?_

Clayton nodded. _Yup. I majorly shook things up because, like I said: the Orussid were primarily a matriarchal society. So, me becoming King was a massive first…Which is technically part of my official title. ‘King Sabbaton, the Firstborn’. The Orussid consider me her son and my Mom as just a host. And, I don’t even fucking know how they know this, but they claim that I’m from the first egg she laid. It doesn’t really matter since I’d have a claim to the ‘throne’ since I’m the only living one. But they’re big on names and titles._

_I’ve noticed that they rarely identify themselves as ‘I’. It’s always plural or ‘this Singular’. Why is that?_

_They’re weird?_ Clayton laughed. _No, it’s because the hive is literally life. Being considered an ‘ **I** ’ is either a very good thing or a very bad thing and it goes hand and hand with names and titles. Names signify importance and honor. Orussid with names have earned it via deeds or rank and the name is bestowed upon them by the hive, or whoever leads the hive, in this case me. The next step is a name plus a title. S’li before becoming the delegate, was officially known as: S’li, First Battlemaster. She was one of the first to hatch and I had to challenge her for leadership of the hive. I have a lot of respect for her._

Loki smiled. _As capricious as she can be, I valued the information she gave me._

_It’s why I chose her. Even though she just dealt with training Orussid, I kinda looked to her to help out a lot with the hive. Anyway. The greatest honor an Orussid can get outside of a name and title is being granted the ability to refer to themselves as ‘I’._

_That makes sense, but you mentioned it also being a bad thing?_

_If an Orussid has does something horrible, and I mean absolutely irredeemable, they’re stripped of any names or titles and are then referred to as a singular ‘you’, meaning they’d call themselves ‘I’. Then they’re banished from the hive…As in they’re completely cut out. It’s not an immediate death, but they’ll eventually die._

Admittedly, it didn’t seem too different from what Asgard had done. Although, banished Asgardians always had the chance to redeem themselves. Then again, Loki supposed the acidic blood made executions a bit difficult. _The Orussid have a surprisingly large number of social nuances. How many of them have been banished?_

Clayton nodded. _But when you think about it, a lot of it makes sense._ The question caused him to shrug as he looked back down at his meal. _None while I’ve been in charge. Everyone tends to be pretty happy and if there is an issue, they know they can bring it to me. But overall, they’re self sufficient and I don’t usually need to settle matters._

 _There’s so much to learn about them. I still don’t know how to really tell a male from a female without staring._ Loki took a sip of his tea.

 _Gonna be honest with you. Neither do I. I know there’s some differences on their stomachs with the exoskeleton, but other than that? No idea. I think there’s some sort of pheromone stuff that I can’t pick up on. But it doesn’t really matter because it’s not going to bother them. Funny story. I straight up thought that Cook was a ‘she’ for six months. He never said a word and I only found out after S’li told me. He wasn’t bothered and actually thought it was funny._ He laughed and grinned. _Even though they can be pretty blood thirsty at times, they’re pretty chill about most things._

Loki nodded slowly. _Despite my status as an outsider, they’ve been surprisingly welcome towards me. The only irritation I’ve been shown is when I thought about the Orussid-Asgardian War. Which, knowing what I know now, I can understand the hostility._

 _Yeah. Since they’re a hive mind that relies on genetic memory, something that happened six centuries ago can feel like something that happened in their lifetime. The hive mind is also why they were so dangerous. A handful of Orussid could be sacrificed, but because they relayed what they’d learned to the hive, the remaining Orussid could then form tactics against their enemy. The only reason Asgard turned the tide of the war was because they started using acid resistant weapons._ Leaning forward, he began stacking up their used dishes.

After pulling his tea closer to himself and wrapping his hands around the mug, Loki nodded. _My knives are a relic from the war. They’re a combination of specially forged metals from the dwarves of Nidavellir and Asgardian enchantments. Many of the weapons were lost, but these were used by Asgardian assassins to…Deal with high ranking Orussid generals._

Surprisingly, the hive didn’t react to this news and he shot Clayton a questioning look.

 _I had to have a ‘Come to Jesus’ talk with them. They tend to forget that other races don’t have genetic memory and I had to point that out along with how the war happened like…Two thousand years ago. You didn’t have anything to do with the war and neither did they. So, it’s stupid to carry on grudges. Besides, the whole point of the alliance with New Asgard is to help…_ He sighed, unsure of the right phrasing for it.

 _Start a new chapter in the history of both races._ Loki supplied. _What do you mean by ‘Come to Jesus talk’ and how in the Nine Realms were the eggs still good after so long?_

 _Oh. It basically means that I had a stern talk with them to get everything straightened up._ Then, Clayton shrugged. _Stasis field. I don’t know how it managed to stay online for so many years. Once I stumbled into the holding area after opening the door, the field went offline. It was basically designed as a trap._

 _Midgardians have a number of strange sayings._ Finally, he pushed himself up to his feet. _I think I want to go to bed. I feel exhausted_.

This made Clayton snort. _You didn’t do anything today. I guess the thing in the jungle might have something to do with it._

Loki shook his head. _No, I just feel exhausted all of a sudden._

 _Weird. Go ahead and lay down. I want to check my messages real quick before bed. I didn’t get a chance to this morning._ At the look Loki gave him, Clayton held up his hands. _That’s all I’m going to do, I promise. I’m not even going to answer any unless it’s something super important._

Despite not entirely believing him, Loki nodded and headed upstairs to Clayton’s apartment. Rather than stopping in the living area, he continued on to the bedroom and wallowed down into the hammock. Honestly, he felt that it could use a few more blankets to pad things out. Perhaps the idea would be worth mentioning to Clayton, later.

Even though he felt tired, he didn’t fall asleep and only dozed. So, when the other man finally climbed into bed, Loki opened his eyes. _That wasn’t ‘real quick’._

_Shush. I had to send a quick message to Thor. He was asking about you since you hadn’t checked in lately. I told him that everything was fine and we’ve just been busy._

Loki huffed loudly in annoyance and carefully flopped himself over Clayton once the man got himself settled. _Which means I’ll likely have a message from him in the morning. I need to update him on things, anyway. He’ll be pleased to know that the relations on the Orussid side of things are improving drastically._

 _By improving, do you mean that you’ve basically tried to become my boyfriend?_ He gently nudged the other man in the side.

_Am I, though?_

_I don’t know. This is a massive, complicated mess. I’m still trying to sort out my own feelings over it all._ Clayton sighed. _I thought you were tired._

_I am, but it **is** an important topic._

_I know this, Loki, but can it wait till morning? I don’t want to get into a hugely important conversation and have you fall asleep on me._ Admittedly, that hadn’t been the entire reason. Clayton wanted a bit of time to mull over everything before giving Loki an answer.

Loki sighed loudly. _Fine, but don’t overthink things. I just want an honest answer._

 _And you’ll get one. Just not tonight._ Next to him, Loki huffed dramatically, but then kissed his neck. _Just get some rest, Loki._

The next morning, Clayton found himself rudely awakened by Loki shoving at his shoulder. _What?_

Rather than immediately replying, Loki held his arm in front of the other man’s face; the black skin had lightened to a dark grey overnight. _Something’s wrong. I don’t feel well. It’s like m–_

 _Your skin’s too tight and you just want to murder glare the world. Yeah, you’re gonna shed._ Clayton yawned, unbothered by the news since he did the same a few times a year.

Loki stared at the other man for a moment at that particular thought and sighed. _Well, if you can handle it, so can I._

_I’unno, man. It’s exhausting and just a massive hassle. I’d recommend that you try shapeshifting back to see if it resets or whatever._

_No._ Loki set his jaw, firmly. _I’m doing this because I want to better understand you and the shedding it part of it. If we’re going to be together, then you’ll eventually shed and I’ll have a better idea of your needs._

Clayton sighed and rolled his eyes, already knowing Loki would probably regret it. But who knew? At least he’d have someone experienced around which would likely make things go smoother. Clayton didn’t have that luxury that first time. _Alright, fine. Well, starting out? Hot showers or baths help a lot. It’s the humidity you’re after, so if you don’t want to constantly sit in water? Run a super-hot bath and just hang out in the bathroom._

_When can I expect the actual shed to happen?_

_Anywhere from tomorrow to three days. Then it’ll take another day for your skin to dry. From start to finish it’s usually about three days, total, for me. Being active can kinda speed things up, but I usually don’t feel like it._ An amused expression crossed Clayton’s face at Loki squirming around in discomfort. _Can you kinda see why I was super irritable that one time?_

 _Yes. I already want to go on a murderous rampage._ Loki finally huffed and flopped down on his side. Behind him, his tail wiggled and twitched in annoyance. _It’s only three days. How bad could it be?_


	37. Out With the Old Skin, in With the New Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "M4 Part II" - Faunts

For the second time, Loki found himself incredibly wrong when it came to the hybrid form. The next two days saw him absolutely miserable and uncomfortable. Nothing soothed the tightness to his skin and the constant irritation left him short tempered. It made perfect sense to him on why Clayton had left for those few days: Loki likely would have gotten stabbed for bothering him.

Presently, Loki wanted to murder glare everyone into oblivion and couldn’t shake the sensation of anxiety that slowly crept up on him. He didn’t really understand the anxious feeling, nor the subtle sensation of wanting to find somewhere _safe_ to hide. Why did he need to hide? There were no threats. Still, he retreated to his apartment and paced his room with his tail twisting behind him. Every now and then, he rolled his shoulders in hopes of alleviating his discomfort. Earlier that morning, he’d discarded his shirt in hopes it’d help him feel better, but it barely improved things.

Once more, he rolled his shoulders but froze when the skin down his spine split. It hadn’t been an audible sound, but more of a sensation of the tension suddenly releasing. Carefully, he felt behind him and his eyes widened when the tip of his claw caught on something. The skin felt tender and more sensitive than it normally did. While he didn’t think he’d started bleeding, he reached out to Clayton for immediate help.

Clayton spasmed at the sudden jumble of panic that came from Loki. Rather than being worried, he simply assumed that the shed had started and started heading downstairs. _Skin on your back popped? It’s normal. I’m heading down there, though._

As soon as he stepped into the bedroom, Loki gave him a wide eyed and panicked look. “It’s not raw and bleeding, is it?”

“No, it’s not raw or bleeding.” Clayton walked to the bed to pull the covers down.

“You didn’t even look!”

“Because I don’t have to. I’ve done this for years, remember?” He looked back to Loki, then gestured at the bed. “You’ll want to lay down. It’s easier.”

The mere idea of someone being there with him caused Loki’s stress to skyrocket. “I…Can’t you just tell me what to do and leave me alone?”

“…I’m not going to leave you alone. You’re freaked out and scared. Loki, you need to lay down and work on getting the skin off. Otherwise, it’s going to start drying and it’ll be a _bitch_ to get off. You’re on a timer now.”

He remained rooted where he stood. “What do I need to do?”

Clayton sighed, already suspecting that things would be a mess and he’d have to coax Loki into doing things. “You have to pull the skin off. Sorta like if you were a snake or a lizard. The human half comes off in strips ‘cause it’s thinner. Bug half kinda sloughs off in one piece like it’s a glove or something.”

“ _What._ ” Loki stared at the other man, a horrified expression on his face at what would need to be done. “I thought you meant shed…Like when someone has a sunburn. Not…Like…”

He rubbed his face and tried to distance himself from the growing mess of anxiety, stress, and fear that radiated from Loki. “Well, now you know. Look, it needs to come off. I’ll be here if you need my help.”

“No. I’m not doing it.”

“You don’t really have a choice, Loki. Do you know what’ll happen if you leave it on and don’t get it off?” When Loki shook his head, Clayton pointed at a faint, light grey scar that twisted down the calf of his right leg. “I had a bad shed during one of my first ones. Not enough humidity and I figured it’d just fall off. It didn’t and when I pulled it off, it ripped my skin open. Got to see the muscle of my leg. You _do not_ want that to happen.”

Loki looked ill at the description, but finally nodded and edged over to the bed to lay down. “What do I do?”

“Get your claws under the skin on your back and start pulling it off, to be honest. Your human skin is a lot tougher than your bug skin. It’ll be a little tender, but you can be pretty rough with pulling the shed off. Once you get down to your elbows and waist, you’ll want to be gentler.” Clayton scooted back slightly to give Loki room. “Don’t worry about getting all the shed on your human half off. It’ll dry up and fall off when you take a shower. Bug half is your main worry.”

The anxiety caused his stomach to twist up as he worked on pulling the skin off. However, as Clayton had said, it didn’t hurt. That didn’t mean that Loki didn’t claw at himself to get the skin off. Thankfully, he’d filled down his claws per Clayton’s suggestion. So instead of clawing himself open, he simply left red welts on his skin. As he got to the elbow on his left arm, the shed began to thicken and be less prone to ripping. Loki glanced up at the other man, “D-do…What now?”

“Kinda work it down till you can fold the top of the shed down a bit. You’ll want to slip your fingers under the fold and just pull enough to keep it taunt. It’ll slowly come off. If you force it, it’ll rip. ‘Cause it’s paper thin under there.”

Shaking a bit, Loki nodded and did as instructed. He tugged on the shed and then clamped his eyes shut at a sharp sensation of pain. Perhaps that had been too hard. Sighing, he opened his eyes and focused on his arm. However, when he saw the fresh exoskeleton for the first time, bile rose up into his throat. Rather than the dark Orussid skin he’d become accustomed to, he saw white, nearly translucent skin. He could faintly make out the vein in his arm and he swore he saw the muscle. Loki stared for a long moment and realized that he couldn’t do it. “I can’t.”

Before Clayton could respond, the other man had already started to get up. He made a frustrated noise at how his hand had been forced. With a grimace, he exerted his mental will over Loki. He hated doing it, but the guy would likely hurt himself otherwise. _Stop._

Loki unwillingly froze and panicked at his inability to moved. He could only obey as Clayton silently ordered him to lay back down. The last time this had happened, he’d ben tortured. Terrified, he stared up at the other man.

“I’m sorry I did that, but I didn’t want you to hurt yourself.” Gently, Clayton cupped Loki’s face with his hands and frowned with concern. “I know you’re freaked out about this. It’s going to be alright, though. Do you want me to pull the shed off for you? I’m not controlling your mind, just your body. You can answer me telepathically.”

_Just let me go. By the Nine Realms let me go!_

“Shh. Hey. It’s okay. I’ll let you go if you don’t bolt on me, okay?”

_I’ll do whatever you want. Just let me go!_

He dropped the control and immediately pulled Loki into a hug. “Like I said. I’m sorry I did that. I’ll get the shed off, just close your eyes and think about stuff you like…Like...I’unno. Plays and books.”

Loki just pressed his face into Clayton’s neck, half terrified from the shed and half terrified from the sudden knowledge of what the other man could do, telepathically. “Don’t do that again. Please don’t.”

“Shh. I’m sorry. I won’t. I was just worried you’d hurt yourself.” He gave the other man another squeeze. “But the shed has to come off.”

“Get it off.” Loki squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shaky exhale.

“Alright. It’s going to take a while, but that’s just how it goes. Let me know if you feel _any_ pain. It’s not supposed to hurt.” Once Loki confirmed, Clayton started working to get the shed off. As he slowly pulled it off, he occasionally murmured soft words of praise or encouragement. When he had both arms done, he gently touched Loki’s shoulder. “I need you to roll over onto your stomach and lift your hips up for a little bit. Can you do that or do I need to shove a pillow under your stomach?”

Loki finally opened his eyes and grimaced at the white skin that covered his arms. “I think…A pillow would be a better idea.”

“Alright.” He leaned over and grabbed a pillow to put it under Loki once the man had rolled over. “How are you holding up?”

“I just want this to be done.”

Briefly, he rubbed Loki’s upper back. “It’s almost over. Then you can get some food and rest.”

Bit by bit, he pulled the shed off and gently manipulated Loki’s lower limbs to prevent the fresh skin from tearing or being injured. When he finally finished, he returned to where the other man’s head laid and gently touched his shoulder. “It’s all done. Do you want to rest, or do you want something to eat?”

Loki rolled over onto his side, carefully, and looked up at Clayton before indicating how the muscles of his forearm were twitching. “Is that supposed to happen?”

“Yeah. The new skin will shrink a little bit as it dries and the twitching keeps it from shrinking too much.” Sighing, Clayton laid down. All the emotions from Loki left him feeling drained. Quite suddenly, the other man pressed his face into his chest. This prompted Clayton to gently pet Loki’s head. “Look. I really meant it when I said I’m sorry. I was…”

He sighed heavily. “I was scared you’d run off and hurt yourself. So, I just sort of did that first thing that came to mind. I didn’t mean to remind you of anything.”

After tossing his arm over Clayton’s waist, Loki gave a slight nod. _I was going to run and you’re right. I probably would have hurt myself. I wasn’t exactly listening to reason, was I?_

“Not really. Were you just freaked out, or did have this…Need to be alone?”

_A bit of both, but I was honestly just caught off guard on what would actually happen. I suppose I should have asked questions._

“Well, Cook brought food. Do you want me to leave after I bring it in?”

 _I…No. I want you to stay. I…_ Loki sighed. _I haven’t felt this vulnerable since I was tortured and despite how I felt earlier, I feel safe with you around._

“Alright. I’ll go get the food. He went and made stew.” Clayton slowly extracted himself from Loki. “I’ll be right back. I promise.”

“I know you will.”

Once Clayton returned with the food, Loki frowned at the bowl and then looked down at his hands. The skin still remained white but the edges of the skin around his claws had started to darken. “I’m worried about harming the skin.”

“I know what you mean.” Clayton took a quick taste test of the stew before holding the bowl out to Loki. “It’s not too hot. He chopped everything bite sized. Even if you don’t really eat anything, just sip the broth. You’ve barely eaten.”

Despite the still lingering anxiety, Loki couldn’t help but quirk a smile. “You’re concerned about me. And here I thought you couldn’t feel such a thing.”

“Oh, shut up and drink the damn broth, Loki.”

Rather than arguing, Loki did as he’d been told. The first few sips didn’t do much of anything, but then his stomach rumbled in hunger and he eagerly began slurping the stew from the bowl held to his lips. It tasted like the best damn thing he’d ever had and he felt the final bits of stress slip away.

“Hey, careful that you don’t choke yourself.”

He managed to avoid doing so and finished the bowl of food in record time. Tiredly, he laid back over on his side and watched Clayton eat his own bowl of stew. “You never did answer my question.”

“About?” Clayton paused in his eating and glanced down at Loki.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Your memory isn’t that horrible.” He gave the other man a dirty look.

“I’unno. I’ve had my fair share of knocks to the head.”

Dramatically, Loki sighed. “On what we are. Stop playing dumb. I can _hear_ you thinking about it, Clayton.”

“Why do we gotta put a name on it? Why can’t it just be what it is?”

“If you don’t want to say if we’re together or not, can you at least tell me if you love me?” In Loki’s eyes, there had to be something there. It didn’t make sense to fuss or worry over someone for no reason. While the alliance with New Asgard brought the benefits of trade, New Elysium had already been fairly self-sufficient and the Orussid technically didn’t need the help of the Asgardians.

“Are we seriously doing this?” Clayton set his bowl down on the floor and flopped down next to Loki with an exasperated noise.

“I realize that talking about how you feel is harder than Thor’s skull, but is it really so hard to say if you love me or not?”

“Because I don’t want to say anything and it be one sided.” Carefully, he tugged the blankets up over them.

“Well, the way things are from my point of view, it is one sided.” Loki slowly shifted his weight to get himself more comfortable and to help himself ignore the constant muscle twitches.

“…Wait what?”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “By the Nine Realms, Clayton. You really are dense sometimes. Or maybe it’s just you being oblivious, I’m not sure which. I care for you, and it’s not because of self-preservation. I have for a while now, and I daresay I’ve been to too many plays and become the idiot romantic and fallen in love with the stern warrior king of the feared Orussid. But alas, has the fair Asgardian Prince offered up his heart for naught? Or will the fearsome King Sabaton, the Firstborn accept the proposal of love and they live happily ever after?”

Clayton managed a straight face for all of five seconds before he buried his face in the pillow in a fit of giggles at Loki’s monologue. _Are you fucking listening to yourself right now?_

“Oh hush. I enjoy the occasional romantic play. I _am_ being serious, however, despite my attempts at humor.” He leaned up slightly to kiss Clayton’s jaw.

“I thought I was kinda being obvious, but I guess not.” Clayton sighed and gently petted Loki’s head. “Yeah. I do love you. I guess I’m just…Worried that things will go south, like they always do.”

“I don’t think they will, Clayton.” He abruptly yawned and then made a quiet groan as he buried his face into Clayton’s chest again. _I feel so tired._

“That’s pretty normal. Plus, you getting yourself worked up probably didn’t help, either. Just get some rest. I’ll stay here with you.”

_I’m not sure I can fall asleep with the twitching._

“You can. Just try to relax.” He considered for a moment before lightly scratching Loki’s head, then cracked a smile at the sudden surge of ‘ohthatfeelsgood’ that came from the other man. “Most of your skin will be hardened by morning. You won’t feel as vulnerable.”

Loki simply made a quiet noise and closed his eyes to allow himself to sink into the bliss of a perfectly warm bed. His sleep remained dreamless, but he woke up with the vague sensation of being safe and protected. It took him a moment to realize that he’d half curled up into a ball during the night. Clayton had managed to curl around him, protectively, and had loosely draped an arm over his waist.

It had been a long, long time since he’d felt so safe and he hated the idea of anything disturbing it. Around him, the hive seemed both amused and pleased. When Loki curiously poked at the hive, a singular voice responded.

_A bonded Orussid will always protect their Other during and after the shed._

Loki considered this for a moment. S’li had mentioned Clayton being ‘Otherless’, and so he assumed ‘Other’ indicated some sort of relationship. Admittedly, it sounded somewhat derogatory, but he had long since become accustomed to the strange wording the Orussid used. Smiling slightly to himself, he snuggled down against Clayton. He felt warm and comfortable and everything seemed to be going _right_ in his life.

He prayed to whatever gods or deities that nothing would go wrong.


	38. On the Hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Premeditated" - Blue Stahli  
> "This Is Gonna Hurt" - Sixx:A.M.

When Clayton finally woke up, he sleepily looked around and felt momentarily confused on why he’d slept in Loki’s room. Then he looked down at the mop of dark hair that pressed against his chin. Loki had curled up into a ball and snuggled against him. Lightly, Clayton traced a finger over the other man’s forearm, checking to see how much his skin had dried.

Softly, Loki slurred out a ‘Good morning’ before pressing his face against Clayton’s chest. Then he opened his eyes slightly and attempted to say something to the other man, but only managed a somewhat garbled mess of being warm and comfortable and safe and protected. Everything felt perfect and he didn’t want to get up, but the tightness to his stomach started to annoy him.

Clayton could only laugh quietly at the feelings that came from Loki and lightly rubbed his upper back. _Are you hungry?_

_Yes. I want something a bit more solid than stew, though._

_Sure. I can go downstairs and grab something for you_. The suddenness of Loki pressing himself against him startled Clayton. _I won’t be long._

_Please stay. I don’t want you to go._

Curiously, Clayton took a peek under the covers. While Loki’s arms had finished drying, the thicker bits of exoskeleton on his legs and tail remained a patchy dark grey. By this point in the shed, Clayton would have already been up and moving around, but he realized that Loki saw things a bit differently than him. _I can stay, but I’ll have to get up to get the food, because I doubt you’ll want Cook to wander in here._

Loki silently weighed his options and decided he disliked the idea of Cook coming into the bedroom more than he disliked the idea of leaving. _Alright._

_I kinda find it weird that you’re wanting me to be around. Anytime I shed and was with someone, I just wanted to be alone._

_The hive told me something earlier this morning. They said ‘a bonded Orussid will always protect their Other during and after the shed’. I suppose we’ll have to see when you shed next._ Loki finally shifted himself to look up at Clayton. “Maybe it has to do with me adopting the hybrid form.”

“Maybe? I’ve…Admittedly done more with you than I have with everyone else. So far, I haven’t regretted it.”

“And I hope you never do.” He leaned up to briefly kiss the other man. “My muscles have stopped twitching.”

“They usually stop twitching after an hour or two.” Slowly, Clayton shifted himself so he leaned over Loki. “Feeling better than you did last night?”

“Considerably.”

“Good.”

After a moment of hesitation, he kissed Loki and didn’t feel the least bit surprised when the other man eagerly returned it. He briefly froze when he felt hands rubbing his back, but when they didn’t descend any lower than the middle of his back, he continued. Slowly, he shifted to the other man’s neck where he kissed and lightly sucked on the skin there; Loki made soft, breathy noises in his ear.

One of the hands slipped down his back, making his mind stutter, but it moved to the side and he felt fingers lightly dig into his hip. While the action had been completely benign, his mind took the brief bit of anxiety he’d felt and ran with it. He tried to push through it as he moved down to Loki’s collarbone, but he finally turned his head away to press his forehead against the pillow.

A heartbeat later, he felt arms wrapping around him in a hug and heard Loki making soft, soothing noises. “Sorry. When your hand went down my back…”

“Shh. It’s okay. That’s why I went for your hip. You tried, though. That’s what matters.” Loki honestly hated how such simple things could launch Clayton into a mess of anxiety. However, he also recognized how the other man had been trying to push through it. Gently, he nuzzled Clayton. “I’m certain I’ll have a few bruises on my neck, though. I like that.”

Slowly, Clayton rolled onto his side. “You like hickeys? Most of the time people try to hide them or cover them up.”

“I have no reason or inclination to hide my activities.”

“Huh. I’ll keep that in mind.” Lazily, he climbed out of bed to head into the living area since Cook had arrived with the food. The Orussid gave him a look that said pure amusement. “Hey. Don’t give me that look. You guys have been bitching at me to find someone.”

As Clayton worked on sorting the food that had been brought, he stiffened at the ‘question’ of if him and Loki had done anything more intimate than simple kissing. _Stop trying to pry into my sex life, thanks._

Then he made a face at the sudden deluge of information on how Orussid had sex. While he realized that Cook and the hive in general were just trying to be helpful, he couldn’t help but feel grossed out. _If I wanted to know that, I would have asked. Get out of here, you shitlord._

Cook not only laughed in his head, but also physically rumbled as he left the apartment. Sighing, Clayton grabbed the food and headed back to the bedroom. There, he passed Loki his bowl of food and half curled up on the bed to eat his own food.

“I’ll need to contact Thor once I’m done eating. I figure he’s worried about me since I haven’t checked in lately.”

“You’re an adult though?” He glanced over at the other man who shrugged.

“I’m also known for getting myself into trouble. He’s also a bit more protective than usual since he thought I was dead for a short while.”

Clayton nodded. “I can understand that. I have a few things to check on, anyway.” He squirmed away from the poke to his side. “I won’t work too hard. I promise. It’s just looking at some messages.”

When Clayton finally left, Loki dragged himself out of bed and showered to rid himself of the last bits of shed that stuck to his non-exoskeleton skin. It left him feeling refreshed and considerably less itchy. So, after pulling on a shirt, he illusioned himself to both hide his hybrid state _and_ the bruises on his neck. While he had no issue with showing them to the galaxy, Thor happened to be another matter.

“Thor, I apologize for my lack of contact. I’ve been busy. We got back to New Elysium a few days ago and I’ve been discussing with Clayton his plans for the Orussid hive.”

“Excellent! I was becoming concerned with how you hadn’t replied to my messages. I sent Clayton one, but he simply said you both were busy. How are things between you, anyway?

Loki opened his mouth to speak but closed it and glanced at Clayton when the man suddenly stepped into the bedroom.

Confused, Clayton glanced between Loki and Thor. “Uh. What?”

Sighing, Loki turned to face Clayton. “I’m in the middle of talking to Thor. Can it wait?”

“Wait. Did you change back? How’s he here?” He walked over to stand next to the two men.

“No. It’s an illusion. I’ll be done in a bit.”

Clayton touched Thor, curiously, and went wide eyed when his hand passed through the illusion. “Can he see me?”

“Stop poking the illusion! And no, he can’t see you.” Loki sounded nothing short of exasperated and learned forward to bat at Clayton’s hand.

While Thor couldn’t see or hear Clayton, he had a good idea of what had happened. He gave a sudden, broad grin. “So, Loki. Did you ever tell Clayton about your crush on him?”

Both Loki and Clayton froze. While Clayton looked surprised, Loki looked horrified and made a quiet, high pitched noise before composing himself. “Thor, if you weren’t on the other side of the galaxy, I’d stab you.”

This only caused Thor’s expression to get worse. “Loki, your boyfriend wants attention.”

“Aight, I’m out.” Clayton abruptly turned around and walked out of the room.

Loki sighed loudly. “Thanks, Thor. You spooked him off.”

“Ah…Sorry? Are you two not together?”

“We…Are. He just has…Problems and is very skittish, believe it or not.” He looked down. “I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it.”

“You should go for it, Loki. Nothing worth having in life is easy.”

“It’s…Not that, Thor. He’s the only person I’ve met who’s managed to steal my heart. I love him, but it’ll only bring me heartache in the end. I’m going to outlive him, easily.” Loki looked back up at his brother, sadly.

“That’s the downside of Midgardians, Loki, and the same issue I wrestled with every night when I was with Jane. Heimdall offered me a very good bit of advice, and I’m going to share that advice with you. Asgardian lives are long compared to many beings in the universe, and that makes happiness fleeting…But a fleeting moment of happiness is better than a lifetime of darkness. Haven’t you had enough darkness in your life, Brother?” Thor sighed softly. “When you spoke of him a few weeks ago, you were the happiest I’ve seen you in years. You smiled. You _laughed_. You reminded me of the brother I had as a child. I don’t know what happened to change you, and even if you never tell me, know this: you’re my brother and nothing will change that.”

Loki faintly smiled. “Even if I never agreed with Heimdall’s loyalty to Father, he always did have good advice.”

“Father wouldn’t have approved of your relationship with Clayton at all, if his disapproval of my relationship with Jane was any indication. While I understand his reasoning, now, I am _not_ my Father. Follow your heart, Loki. You have both my blessing and my well wishes.”

Rather than letting his brother know how much his words meant to him, Loki scoffed and made a dismissive gesture. “As if I ever needed anyone’s blessing to do what I wanted.”

Thor gave him an unimpressed look. “Well, don’t keep him waiting, Loki.”

After a moment longer, Loki waved away the illusions and went off in search of Clayton. He soon found the other man in his apartment, reading his tablet intently. “Was there something you needed me for? Usually, it takes you longer to handle all your morning activities.”

Clayton looked up and sighed. “I’m going to have to take off for a few days. Old contact of mine called in a favor I owe him.”

“What sort of favor?” He sat down at the table across from Clayton.

“He needs someone killed.”

“A bounty?” Loki frowned slightly at Clayton who nodded. “Is there any reason I couldn’t go with you?”

“Not really, but you’d have to stay with Xena.”

“I can do that. What does the bounty entail?”

Clayton tapped something on the tablet and sat it on the table so it could display a hologram of an elderly, grizzled human man who had half his face burned. “This is Vidovik. He’s a retired smuggler turned arms dealer who operates out of Jericho. I met him a couple years ago when I picked up a bounty from him, accidentally. He ended up becoming my main supplier for all things that go ‘boom’. Decent guy, as far as criminals go.” He tapped something on the tablet and an image of an alien with spines that covered its head popped up. “This is Behcet Fazeen. He was supposed to be a client for some high-end weapons shipment. Talking real pricy shit. He killed Vidovik’s gun runner and took off with the goods, then auctioned them off for twice the price that Vidovik was selling for.”

Loki frowned and leaned forward slightly. “And Vidovik wants him dead?”

“Yup! As far as bounty’s go, it’s pretty simple. It’s not even a tag and bag, it’s a straight up assassination. Drop in, pop ‘em in the head, evac.” He tapped the tablet to get rid of the hologram before picking it up. “Pack up. We’re heading out in an hour.”

Once they stepped aboard Xena, the loading ramp closed behind them and the engines kicked on. As they climbed to the main living area, the AI spoke. “While I was waiting, I did research on Behcet. He’s an enforcer slash motivational speaker for the Order of Echoes. A semi-religious, fanatical cult with terrorist tendencies. You’ll want to tread carefully with this one.”

Loki frowned and glanced at a camera as he dropped his bag by the door to his room. “Meaning?”

“Meaning, don’t let them see me.” Clayton tossed his bag into his room and walked to the table. “Stop giving me doom and gloom, Angel. How about something usable.”

“I got into the OoE’s database, people should really patch their systems, and located a list of times and places where he’ll be speaking next. They don’t publicly announce where he’ll speak until a day before the event.” The list of dates and places displayed at the table where Clayton slowly paced.

“He’s speaking tomorrow night at Anerth, but in two days he’ll speak at Gapinia.” He crossed his arms. “Pull up a map of the next five places he’ll be speaking at and plot a route between them.”

Curiously, Loki sat down at the table. “Why not just go after him tomorrow night?”

“Too soon. I want some time to prepare. Maybe do some scouting at one of his events to see what sort of security I’m going to be dealing with. I’d like to have boots on the ground and just snipe him from a roof top, but some of these people will have security up on the roofs. I’ve, no joke, had Xena park herself up in the sky, climbed up on top, and sniped someone from up there.” He mused for a moment. “Xena, any info on the ship he’s going to be on?”

“Nothing. I’d have to land and connect to the port systems to try and find it. From there, if I do find it, yes I could have the ship bounce information back to me.”

Honestly, Loki found it amazing at how the two worked together and he could _feel_ Clayton’s mind working overtime. Already, the other man had the skeleton of a plan that he’d pieced together and he’d started running different scenarios of what he could do. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Alright yeah. Land at Anerth and refuel. Use one of the accounts with a pseudo. Connect and look for his ship. Find out where he’ll be having his talk and I’ll scout it out.” Clayton glanced over at Loki and shrugged. “I’m not really used to having someone with me on hunts. I’ve always operated by myself, even when I was with Arkane. I’d usually have a partner, but they were backup or supplied me with information…Sorta what Xena does. Just…Hang out and enjoy the ride, I guess.”

“Clayton? He _could_ help you scout things out. You can take the high road, and he can stay on the ground.”

He glanced over at Loki for a moment. “I’m not _entirely_ against the idea, but you’d need to either shapeshift or illusion yourself so no one knows what you look like.”

“I can cast an illusion. What about you?”

“Holographic projector. The guy does his talks at night, so it’ll be easier for me to sneak around. Actually, yeah. This could work out. You can telepathically tell me what you’re seeing on the ground.” A wide grin had formed on Clayton’s face.

“This is why the Orussid were so dangerous.” Loki shared Clayton’s grin.

“Okay. Game plan. Xena. Head to Anerth, land, and see if you can find this guy’s ship. If you do, bug it so it lets you know where it’s headed, then stand by while Loki and I scout things out. Loki. I’ll get you outfitted with some gear. You’ll be poking around on the ground and letting me know about security. I’ll be on the rooftops to get an idea of what’s up there. The goal right now is information gathering _only._ Do not engage, just act like you’re one of the locals. Everyone clear on what they’re doing?” Once Loki and Xena confirmed, Clayton motioned for the other man to follow him downstairs.

“I’m going to give you the same body armor and communicator as before. It’s tied to Xena’s coms and if, for whatever reason, you can’t get ahold of me telepathically, she’ll be able to patch you to my communicator.” He passed the two bracelets to Loki and shifted his attention to the gear that lined the walls of the small room.

“Picking your flavor of destruction?” Loki asked as he put the devices on.

“Sorta? It just depends on where I decide to park myself.” He pointed at two identical sniper rifles. “Same model, same calibrations, everything. The only difference is the distance that the scope is sighted to. They’re both long distance, but the one on top is basically the one I pick if I want someone on the other side of the city dead.”

Loki nodded slightly, “So now we wait?”

“Now we wait.”

The next evening, Clayton tugged on a dark blue, long sleeve shirt and glanced over at Loki. “You have the map on where the event’s going to be. Xena’s looking for the guy’s ship, but she’s still going to be playing overwatch. She knows where you’re at because of the communicator. So, she’ll be able to alert you if there’s anything that might be bad news. Any questions?”

Loki faintly smiled. “You’ve only told me the plan five different times, Clayton.”

“I’d rather repeat myself ten times than tell you once and things go badly.” He sighed. “There’s a certain balance when you’re doing bounty hunts. You don’t want to go in under prepared, but you have to be able to also deviate from the plan. Just be careful, alright?”

“I will. I know how to disappear very quickly if I need to and I know how to fight.” He briefly kissed the other man.

“Alright, alright.”

Once they had gotten off the landing pad, Clayton glanced at Loki. _This is where we split. I’ll see you later._

It didn’t take him very long to reach the general area of the event. There, he climbed up to the roof tops and flattened himself against the ground before looking around with a pair of binoculars. Honestly, he felt a bit surprised at the sheer lack of security. _Loki, what are you seeing down there?_

_There’s some security, but it seems to be limited to crowd control for hecklers._

_Yeah, there’s nothing up here that I can see. Can you see anyone on the roofs?_

_The lights are in the way_.

He brought the binoculars up again and peered towards the event before flipping through a few different filters. _Alright, yeah. There’s a couple guys on the roofs, but probably more crowd control stuff than actual dangerous security. Security details don’t usually change from place to place, so we can assume he’s going to do the same thing at the next event. Can you send me what you’re seeing?_

After a moment, he closed his eyes and focused on the stream of images that came from Loki. The alien they were after stood at the podium and gave his speech as he tried to rally the crowd into a fervor. Clayton watched for a few moments, occasionally directing Loki to look towards something in particular. Finally, he nodded slightly. _That’s good. You can stop._

_Do you want me to head back to Xena?_

_No, stay there till he’s done. I want to know what he does when he leaves._

As he waited, Clayton quietly scanned the posted security, waiting to see what they’d do. Only when Behcet finished speaking did they leave the roof tops. He shifted his attention back to the crowd and watched the man meet with the attendees. _It’s looking like he meets with people for a bit before getting into a transport. Why don’t you head back to Xena?_

_In a bit._

_What? Why ‘in a bit’?_

“This is the first time I’ve heard of your Order, Mr. Fazeen.” The accented, female voice Loki spoke in sounded foreign to his own ears but the illusion would hide him well. “But I’m very interested.”

He tuned out what the alien said and carefully illusioned his hands so that they were clasped in front of him as he rendered his arm invisible. Then, he carefully placed a tracking device on the back of Behcet’s coat. “That is absolutely fascinating, Sir. I’ll need to look into it. Thank you for your time.”

After a quick bow, Loki stepped back and slipped into the crowd. As he did so, he changed his appearance to look like another woman. _I was planting a tracking device._

_You **what**. Loki, what the fuck did I tell you?!_

_Xena’s idea. He didn’t notice me and I’ve already changed appearances._

_Oh my God. I’m going to have to yell at her._

_Clayton, please don’t. She couldn’t locate the ship and thinks they’re running it under a false name. Before I left, she requested me take a few of the trackers with me in case she couldn’t find his ship._

This information soothed Clayton’s anger a bit, but he still made a frustrated noise. _Why didn’t either of you tell me?_

 _Uh._ Loki didn’t exactly have a reason beyond not wanting to. _Well, he has a device on him and she should be able to find his ship?_

_Just meet me back at Xena._

Clayton’s temper had simmered down by the time he reached the ship and when he climbed up to the living area, he found a cup of tea being thrust at his face. With a slight frown, he took it from Loki. He knew a peace offering when he saw one.

“Good news. Thanks to Loki putting the tracking device on Behcet, I located his ship and was able to plant the bug in the ship systems.”

He let out a harsh sigh. “Yeah, about that. Don’t pull that shit again. If there’s a change in the plan, I want to know about. You damn well know this, Xena. Any other changes get run by me so I can okay it or not.”

“You _did_ mention earlier about needing to be able to deviate from the plan. I deviated and it all worked out.” Loki sipped his tea.

“Yeah. I’m talking about shit the people I’m hunting do, not people on _my_ side. Sure, it worked out, but pulling that shit on an actual hunt? That can be the difference between me bagging the target or them getting away…Or, you know. Getting me fucking _killed_.” Clayton’s tail lashed behind him, angrily.

Loki drew his tail closer to himself at the other man’s last sentence and went a bit wide eyed. “No, that’s the last thing I want.”

“Can you see why I’m angry, Loki?” He sighed and looked down at his cup of tea. “This is why I was hesitant about taking you with me. Things went well and you really helped out, but you don’t understand about bounty hunting. It’s an entirely different world than what you’re used to. And Xena, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“I told Loki and he was supposed to tell you.”

“Well, obviously he didn’t tell me. You’re overwatch. You’re fucking supposed to tell me this shit. Why didn’t you?”

“Based on the information I had on hand, I didn’t see the need.”

He made a frustrated noise. “Fucking hell, Xena! How many years have we worked together? You _know_ better than this. Do I need to question if you have my back when I have this fuck’s head in the crosshairs?”

“No.”

“Then don’t do it again.” He set the cup of tea, untouched, on the table before heading downstairs.

Loki sat there for a short while before getting up and following him, ignoring Xena’s warning to leave him alone. It took him a moment to find Clayton in the small gym. There, he watched the other man for a moment as he practiced moves on a punching bag. “Please don’t hurt yourself, again.”

“I’m not going to fall this time.” Clayton glanced over his shoulder at the other man. “Just…Trying to work off the anger in hopes I don’t tank.”

“What do you mean by tank?”

“Going depressed.” He grabbed a small towel off the weights in the corner to wipe off his face. “I get pissed, I stew, I start over thinking, I get depressed. So…Attempting to do something constructive. I…Just kinda want to be left alone right now, Loki.”

“I understand that, I’m just…I’m sorry. You’re right, I don’t understand about bounty hunting. You’re more experienced with it and I should have listened.”

“At least things _did_ go well.” Clayton sighed. “But, seriously. I want to be left alone right now.”

After giving a slight nod, Loki retreated back upstairs and sat back down at the table. He could still feel Clayton, but the man had mentally clammed up a bit. Admittedly, Clayton’s point on the importance of communication made perfect sense. Finally, he pushed himself back up to his feet and started working on something to eat.

It seemed that the smell of food lured Clayton out of the bottom level, and Loki leaned back into the sudden hug from behind. “Got hungry?”

“Yeah. Look. I’m sorry for kinda yelling at you earlier. I’ve had hunts go bad because I wasn’t given important information. And…I have a bit of a temper. I normally keep things managed, but…Not being told stuff like that sets me off. Just keep it in mind for the future, yeah?”

“I will.” Loki slipped out of Clayton’s arms to check something on the stove. “Didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

Clayton laughed and moved to sit at the table. “I managed to avoid falling on my ass, this time.”

“Good. What’s your plan for killing Behcet?”

He shook his head. “Haven’t started it yet. I wanted to calm down, first. I’ll start working on something in the morning. Right now, I wanna have whatever the fuck it is you’re cooking because it smells Goddamned great.”

“I had Cook move food back into the ship since I didn’t want to eat pre-packaged. It’s actually an Asgardian lunch, but…”


	39. 88 Rounds Per Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Weaponized" - Klayton  
> "88 Rounds Per Minute" - Blue Stahli  
> "Mechanized Recruit" * Audiomachine

It still felt strange to wake up with someone in his bed, but Clayton didn’t exactly mind it. He glanced to his left where Loki had half curled up in his sleep and pressed his back against his side. Quietly, he yawned and slowly pushed himself up to his elbows before reaching under himself to scratch at a random itchy spot on his stomach. Finally, he carefully slipped out of bed and went to get ready for the day.

By the time Loki dragged out of bed, Clayton had settled into the swing of running through the last bits of the plan for his hunt. “I wouldn’t mind setting up on that tall building there, but it wouldn’t be easy to get to or escape from. So, I’ll have to go with one of the easier to scale ones.”

Xena took note of where he’d indicated. “What about the north side? Those buildings are taller and with all the connecting pathways, it wouldn’t be hard for you to get to a good vantage point.”

“Yeah, that’s true, Xena. There’s a bunch of cameras in that district, though. Can you loop the cameras two minutes before and after I reach them?” Slowly, his tail swished behind him as he reviewed the holographic map. “I do like the north side since it’s more elevated. It’ll be easier for you to swoop in if I need an evac.”

Clayton suddenly looked over to his right when an arm snaked around his waist and squeezed. “Finally decided to get up, Loki?”

“You could have woken me up.” Loki sleepily blinked before snatching up Clayton’s coffee cup and taking a healthy sip. He grimaced at the bitterness but took another drink before setting the cup back down. While he hated the flavor of the stuff, he couldn’t deny its effectiveness at waking him up.

“Considering you look half asleep, I think I made the right choice.” He gently nudged the other man in the ribs.

Loki ignored this and lightly batted at Clayton’s elbow as he shifted his attention to the holographic map. “I see you’ve started to plan on your hunt.”

“Finishing up, actually. I’m just figuring out where I want to set up shop. Scouting things out yesterday really helped. It’s mostly just ironing out the last few details with Xena and picking where I want to be dropped off and picked up at.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Slowly, Loki drifted over to the fridge and yawned as he started pulling food out. “Or is this something you solo?”

“I solo it. You’ll be hanging out with Xena. I don’t anticipate anything going wrong, but you’ll be acting as potential backup if I need it. Otherwise, it’s just better if you’re here if I need a quick and dirty escape.” Clayton finally sat down on the stool and put his chin in his hand as he stared at the map. “Okay. Xena. You’ll drop me on this building and then climb up to about 2,000 meters. You’ll hold there while I make my way to the building here.”

As Clayton began pointing out spots on the map, Xena worked on formulating a path for him to take based on a number of different factors. “I assume you want the cameras scrambled and looped?”

“Right. Standard seven-minute loop. Once I get to the perch, usual RS until I ping you.” Clayton paused to drink his coffee.

“RS?” Loki glanced over at the other man.

“Radio silence.” Xena replied. “It lets him focus. I monitor via his helmet, anyway.”

“Makes sense.” He eyed Clayton for a moment. “You haven’t eaten, have you?”

“Did, actually.” Clayton squinted at the map and pointed out another spot. “I’ll pop Behcet and start making my way back for pick up here.”

“He did.” Xena confirmed while she finished up with Clayton’s route. A highlighted path suddenly appeared on the map. “Optimized to minimize travel distance, maximize camera avoidance, and allow for deviation should you cock up.”

He rolled his eyes as multiple paths in different colors appeared on the map. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Xena. What about emergency evac pick up spots?”

“There’s honestly too many for me to display. If you need one of those, then I’ll do my usual live map update based off of your location and helmet feed.”

Loki finally sat down with his bowl of food. “You weren’t joking when you said you plan everything out.”

“Yeah. I try to account for everything that I can but leave enough wiggle room so I can make it up as I go if I have to. Alright. Xena, ETA on Behcet’s ships getting here?”

“Three hours. He starts his speech two hours after. You have five hours to gear up and get into position.”

“Plenty of time.” Despite having worked on his equipment the prior day, he still got up to his feet and headed downstairs to doublecheck his equipment. This meant ensuring the sniper rifle had properly been sighted in, his amour didn’t have any damage that he’d missed, and getting his helmet talking to Xena’s systems. Per usual, he got lost in his tinkering and didn’t notice Loki till the man touched his shoulder.

“You’re just going over the plan non-stop.”

“Yeah. I just like to commit it to memory in case of equipment failure.” He set the helmet to the side and looked up at Loki with a faint smile.

“Personal experience?” Carefully, Loki picked up the helmet and examined the outside of it before turning it around to peer inside. The display showed all sorts of information and rapidly streamed information. “How do you even read that?”

“Oh. Xena’s probably uploading the hunt details…And my playlist.”

“You listen to music? How do you make sure no one’s around you if you can’t hear them?” He raised an eyebrow at Clayton who simply tapped the side of his head. “…Your telepathy?”

“Yup. Besides. I’ll basically be free running and climbing the whole way, so I’ll need something to listen to.” He gently took the helmet from Loki.

“Free running? What’s that?”

“You’ll see. Xena’s going to stream the footage from my helmet to the hologram at the table.” Clayton grinned at Loki. “Mostly because I can feel you being concerned. It’ll go fine. This isn’t my first rodeo and…If I’m perfectly honest, I’ve missed bounty hunting. It’s a bit of an adrenaline rush at times and I’m a dumbass adrenaline junky.”

“Clayton? Behcet has landed. Do you want me to go to the drop zone?”

Clayton considered things for a moment. “Is it dark out?”

“Yes.”

Slowly, he nodded. “Alright. Let’s get things moving.”

Once Xena confirmed, he stood up and pulled the body armor on, securing the straps with practiced fingers. Then, he slung the rifle onto his back and grabbed his helmet before walking to the loading bay. Already, he could feel the change in Xena’s engines as she descended through the atmosphere. He looked to Loki and gave a devil may care grin. “So. Do I get a good luck kiss?”

“Of course.” Gently, Loki kissed him, even as the bay door opened behind Clayton. He brushed his fingers over the other man’s armor and tried to hide the worry he felt. “Don’t get shot. I don’t mind healing you, but I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“I’ll be fine. Promise.” Clayton pulled on the helmet and blinked a few times to orientate himself with the various displays. The bottom left had an overlay that detailed Xena’s position relative to his own, the bottom right held a countdown to when Behcet would speak, and the upper left showed a zoomed out map of the city. He walked to the edge of the ramp and peered over. About fifteen feet down he saw the roof of the building. Looking back to Loki, he gave a slight salute and hopped off the ramp.

_WHAT THE FUCK, CLAYTON?!_

He could only cackle at Loki’s telepathic screech. Even as Clayton fell he heard Xena’s engines kick on so that she could climb to the pre-determined altitude above the city. He landed in a slight crouch and mentally winced at the brief pain in his ankles.

“Loki didn’t appreciate your usual exit.” Xena commented in his ear.

“Ah, he’ll get over it.” The HUD of the helmet updated itself to display a faint overlay of where he needed to go, as well as how far he needed to travel. In this case, five kilometers. For the moment, he kept his pace at an even jog unless he needed the extra speed to clear a gap between buildings. He didn’t want to use up all of his energy before reaching the sniping point…Just in case things went poorly.

When he reached the first walkway, he briefly scanned it before dropping down onto it. Then, he jogged across it, hating how exposed he felt.  The walkways were the dangerous spots, but so far, he hadn’t picked up on anyone. Most people had bedded down for the evening or had plans of attending Behcet’s speech, it seemed. Soon, he climbed up the face of the next building to get to the roof. “How’s our timeline?”

“You’re ahead of schedule. Behcet hasn’t left his ship yet.” Then, her voice came from the other side of his helmet. “Loki won’t stop pacing, either.”

 Clayton only snorted and pulled himself up onto the roof. Halfway there and the target hadn’t even left. “Alright. I’m going to rein it in a bit. Let me know if anything changes.”

“Affirmative.”

When he finally pulled himself up onto the roof of the designated sniping spot, Xena pinged him again. “Behcet has left his ship and is enroute to where he plans to speak. He should be there in about ten minutes.”

“I thought he wasn’t supposed to leave his ship for another hour?” Clayton swished his tail in irritation at how he hadn’t even gotten a chance to set up, yet. He hated having so little prep time, but he didn’t want to back out: he might not have another chance at this.

“He wasn’t. Apparently, he decided to move things up.”

“I don’t like that…Makes me wonder if there wasn’t something else that he decided to change. But, alright. They already have the spot set up, it looks like. Kill the music and RS till I say so.” Clayton slung the rifle off of his back and slowly crept to the edge of the roof to begin setting up. Then, he laid down on his stomach and waited. As he did so, he quietly sighed and focused on trying to calm his breathing. Despite making good time, he still felt a bit out of breath. No doubt, he’d lost some of his fitness since ‘retiring’ from bounty hunting. He also suspected that he’d be sore in the morning. All and all, it just meant that his rough and tumble lifestyle had started to catch up with him.

When Behcet’s transport finally arrived, Clayton briefly glanced over the edge of the roof before shouldering the sniper rifle and peering into the scope. It took a moment to get a good lock on the alien as he stepped to the podium. However, Clayton waited. The speech always tended to be the same, with the same arm gestures, pacing, and moments of standing. Behcet began his routine and Clayton waited. As his target began moving, his speech silently played in the back of Clayton’s mind and it gave him a good mental timer on how long he needed to wait.

After several minutes, the alien stopped pacing and stood at the podium, gesturing wildly with his arms. While unable to hear the crowd, Clayton knew they were cheering. They always did the videos he’d watched. He braced his shoulder against the butt of the rifle and his finger hovered over the trigger. Softly, he exhaled and quietly counted down the seconds. When he reached ‘one’, Behcet slammed his hands down on the podium and Clayton pulled the trigger.

Blue blood and gore left a vivid pattern on the white fabric behind Behcet as the alien crumpled, most of his head missing. The crowd scattered with faint screams of horror and terror. However, alarms suddenly sounded, causing him to pop up his head before he pulled himself up into a low crouch. Seconds later, he saw the searchlights belonging to single person crafts flick on. Those hadn’t been part of the plan. “…Xena?”

“Evac?”

“Uh. Are you seeing the same thing I am?”

“Evac then. Follow the path.”

Clayton slung the rifle onto his back again, turned, and bolted. He suddenly felt glad that he’d conserved most of his energy. Many of the buildings in this part of the city were of the same height and a miscalculation would result in a long fall followed by a sudden stop. A fate he wanted to avoid. It also meant that he wouldn’t have a very easy way to get down to a lower building, at least, very quickly.

His original escape path would have had him doubling back a short ways before heading south. Xena’s new path kept him along the rooftops of the taller buildings, which meant that she had another plan in mind. The turn of events left him feeling a bit frustrated: neither of them had considered the idea of Behcet calling in the city’s security division instead of relying on his own. Behind him, one of the crafts caught sight of him. “Xena! Where the fuck are you?!”

“They have eyes on you and you have more incoming from the west.” As it always did, Xena’s voice remained calm and level.

“ _No shit!_ ” He grimaced when the route changed again. “Are we doing this like Uinia?”

“Yes.”

Clayton didn’t reply, instead choosing to split his attention between the path Xena had put him on and the map of numerous crafts on his tail. He wouldn’t be able to outrun them for much longer; they were rapidly gaining on him. Faintly, he swore he heard the roar of Xena’s engines right before she shot past him, overhead. Then, he saw her bank around before diving down out of sight. He just hoped she’d gotten into position because… “Xena…I’m running out of roof, here!”

“Jump.”

He hated leaps of faith, both metaphorically and physically. Clayton watched the edge of the roof steadily get closer before he finally jumped off the edge. As he launched himself off the roof, his limbs windmilled in an attempted to keep himself upright. Looking down, he saw Xena’s potmarked hull beneath him. Good girl. The rough landing on top of Xena knocked the air out of his lungs and he laid there for a brief moment. Standing up, he frowned as Xena rose up over the building and slowly turned to face her front towards the security crafts. Then, he felt the vibration in her hull that made his feet tingle before he heard the low whine of a cannon spinning up. Already, he knew what she had planned and had silently asked.

“…Show ‘em why you’re my Cannon Angel.”

“Bitches love cannons.”

Despite the aches that were slowly forming, he could only grin as Xena’s engines kicked up seconds before the cannon slung under her nose unleashed a volley of plasma. Years ago, she had requested the installation of the plasma cannon and had specifically requested the ‘L-897 model rapid cycling plasma cannon’. He’d balked, initially, simply due to how it’d been designed for a much large ship. She hadn’t cared and had humorously named it, _The Mother Fucker_.

For good reason, too. In seconds, several of the crafts had been destroyed by several short bursts and from the sounds of it, Xena had started targeting the other ships. Clayton decided to haul ass to the bay doors before they decided to shoot back; she could handle the shots but he couldn’t. As soon as he got into the loading bay, the bay door closed behind him. “Get us out of here.”

Seconds later, he felt her engines kick on and briefly braced himself as she shot upwards through the atmosphere. Once things leveled out when they hit space, he sighed and dragged himself to the armory to put up the rifle before working on getting himself out of his armor. When he pulled his helmet off, he blinked at few times at Loki in the doorway before he wiped at a few beads of sweat on the side of his face. “Well. I think everything went decently.”

Loki stared for a long moment. “Went decently? Everything went to hell!”

“Well, yeah. But Behcet is dead, I got back to Xena in one piece, and Xena’s about to put a bunch of light years between us and them. Honestly, it’s not super uncommon for things to go south. There’s always some hiccup in the plan.” Clayton shrugged off his armor and grimaced at how his sweaty shirt clung to him. “I need a shower though. I feel gross.”

Loki watched Clayton walk past him, but faintly smiled at how the other man’s tail briefly looped around his own. “I’m glad you’re alright. Though, what about that landing on Xena? It seemed pretty rough.”

Clayton paused at the ladder and looked back to Loki. “Still on an adrenaline high right now, so I feel fine. You can look me over once I get done with my shower? I figure by that point the adrenaline will be out of my system and I can point out any tender spots.”

“That’s fine.” Loki climbed up the ladder after the other man and followed him into the bathroom where he sat on the toilet lid.

“I’m not going to fall over, Loki.” He sent the other man a frown as he tossed his shirt into the corner.

“I know.” He critically examined Clayton for potential injuries before suddenly leaning forward to poke a spot in order to heal it. “You’re favoring your left leg.”

“I landed wrong while running.” When Loki leaned forward again, Clayton batted his hand away before escaping into the shower stall. “Lemme shower.”

“You look hot.” Loki didn’t bother to hide his pout.

“I look gross.”

“No, you don’t.” If anything, Loki found himself reminded of when he’d, discreetly, watch the Asgardian warriors spar. Despite his lankiness and non-human anatomy, he felt that Clayton would have fit in well on Asgard.

Clayton made an exasperated noise. “Fine, I feel gross.”

Rather than replying, Loki heavily entertained the idea of sex in the shower but blinked at the sensation of disagreement from Clayton. “I wasn’t going to suggest it.”

“I know. Even if I didn’t run the risk of wanting to bolt because I suddenly felt claustrophobic, the shower stall is too small for the both of us. The one at home would be a better idea…Plus then there’s the hammock.” He stepped out of the shower and grabbed his towel.

Loki blinked a few times at the suggestion and then his previous thought only become lewder, but he pushed it to the side for the moment. “You don’t mind me…”

“Having fantasies? No. I’m not going to try to censor your mind, Loki. You like sex and you’d like to have sex with me, you’ve told me as much. It’s not really surprising that you’d fantasize.” After drying off his hair and pulling on a fresh shirt, he headed back into the main living area to grab some food.

“You didn’t let me heal you.” Loki trailed after him, looking annoyed.

“I feel fine. Maybe a little sore.”

“So, let me heal you.”

Clayton made an exasperated sigh and turned to put his hands against the wall, on either side of Loki’s shoulders. “Or…you could eat dinner with me, watch a movie, and then give me a back massage when we go to bed.”

It took Loki a moment to process Clayton’s words, but then he gave a coy smile. “Will you do that _thing_ with your hands that I enjoyed the other day?”

“We’ll see. I’m not exactly in that sort of mood.”

“I only ask that you consider it.” Loki rested his hands on the other man’s hips before giving him a quick kiss then ducking under his arm. “Do you want something cooked or reconstituted?”

“Honestly? Reconstituted. I’m fucking exhausted.” With a sigh, Clayton flopped down onto the couch. “Xena, did you send confirmation about the kill?”

“I did.”

While the food heated, Loki sent Clayton the image of him straddling the other man’s lap. However, he received a negative reply. Rather than being bothered, he plucked up the bowls of food and moved over to the man to sit down next to him.  After a brief moment, he shifted onto his hip and pressed himself against Clayton’s side before offering the food.

“You’re being snuggly.” Clayton took the food with his right hand and wrapped his arm around Loki’s waist with his left.

“I’m happy you’re back. Though, I’m curious. Earlier you mentioned ‘Uinia’. I’m sensing a story.”

“You’d be correct, but not tonight. Seriously, Loki. I’m tired.”

“I know. I can feel it.” He briefly squeezed Clayton’s tail with his own. “What movie did you have in mind?”

“So, there’s this movie called Blade Runner…”

 


	40. Communication is Key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Weapons of War" - Klayton  
> "Fixxxer" - Metallica

The next two days saw Loki insisting on visiting a couple of places in a nearby system before they returned to New Elysium. Clayton vaguely grumped about having things he needed to handle, but went with the idea, anyway. Despite his complaints, he’d come to enjoy being around the other man…Even if he did find museums boring.

They arrived back on the Orussid home world late in the evening and rather than unloading Xena, opted to spend a final night onboard the ship. Loki didn’t really mind the idea; he’d started to suspect that he’d be moving into Clayton’s apartment soon…Especially with how they’d been sleeping together consistently since the vacation had ended.

Loki woke up a scant handful of hours after going to bed thanks to a twisting mass of anxiety in his chest. Initially, he felt confused but then realized that the sensation belonged to someone else: Clayton. Slowly, he sat up and shifted to face the other man who slept on his side. Despite seeming peaceful at a first glance, his eyes rapidly flicked under his eyelids and his breathing came out a short, rapid huffs. Carefully, Loki reached out to him in order to touch minds.

_Screams and gunfire around him. He dragged himself behind cover, the adrenaline masked most of the pain. With difficulty, he rolled over onto his back to try and stop the bleeding wound in his stomach. Someone yelled his name and he could only stare up at the sky as he bled out on the sand._

After jerking himself away from Clayton’s mind, Loki stared at the man wide eyed before lightly touching his shoulder to try and wake him. “Clayton.”

When nothing happened, Loki shoved harder and repeated the other man’s name, louder this time in hopes of snapping him out of the nightmare. He’d never felt the mess of emotions from Clayton before and it worried him, especially with it being attached to such a traumatic dream. While he’d never been told about the exact incident around the scar on Clayton’s stomach, he suspected that he now had a good idea.

Clayton jerked awake and grabbed at his side, still lost in his nightmare. When he looked up, he didn’t recognize Loki and only saw an attacker who intended to finish him off. Immediately, he swung his tail and felt it connect with something, followed by the noise of that something hitting the floor or maybe the wall; he didn’t know. He didn’t waste time bailing off the bed to use it as cover in a gunfight that had ended close to a decade ago.

Loki had assumed Xena to be overprotective when she told him not to bother Clayton when he had nightmares. He hadn’t realized the statement had been for his own protection. Briefly, his vision went white when the tail connected with his side and when he could see clearly again, he found himself crumpled on the floor, against the wall. Gingerly, he started getting up but let out a soft hiss of pain and wrapped his right arm around his chest. Pain lanced through his chest when his hand lightly touched his ribs. Broken, most likely. A downside of shapeshifting into another species: he lost his Jotun invulnerability.

From the other side of the bed, Clayton slurred something out and Loki felt a stab of fear. Logically, he knew that the other man had acted out in his sleep but…He couldn’t help but worry Clayton would get up to finish the job. Odin would have. His mind latched onto the worry of being attacked or beaten and immediately began spitting out worst case scenarios. Clayton _had_ admitted to having a temper and Loki had no idea how the other man would behave once he snapped out of the nightmare.

He slammed his mind shut to the other man as he slowly moved to his feet, using the wall to support himself. Since Clayton seemed focused on some unseen thing, Loki slipped out of the bedroom and started for the ladder. He needed to get away from the other man. The more distance between them, the higher chance of Clayton’s temper calming down.

“Loki, are you alright?” Xena spoke, softly.

“I-I’m fine.” Loki lied, knowing the AI’s loyalty remained firmly with Clayton. She would tell him everything and then Clayton would come back to finish what he started.

The Orussid had yet to awaken, it seemed, and he made his way back to his apartment unbothered by any other living thing. There, he stared at himself in the mirror. A bruise had already formed on the right side of his face and the left side of his chest hadn’t fared any better. He easily made out the pattern of the overlapping segments of Clayton’s tail in the bruise that covered his side. How the blow hadn’t injured him more severely or even killed him, he didn’t know.

He let out a shallow sigh and focused on healing his ribs since it happened to be the more severe injury. While the bruise on his face had already started turning ugly colors, the injury remained superficial. It wouldn’t impact his quality of life, not like his broken ribs would.

Loki carefully trailed his fingers along each rib as he tried to focus on the act of mending his wounds. Healing himself always tended to be harder than healing others and it sure as hell didn’t help that his emotions were going every which way. Still, he could feel his ribs slowly knitting together and he closed his eyes as his breathing eased.

Clayton woke up on the floor, nauseous from the anxiety that twisted around in his stomach. With a groan, he dragged himself onto the bed and felt confused at the lack of Loki. “Ugh…Xena, where’s Loki?”

“I’m…Not sure.”

“What do you mean ‘not sure’?” He wrapped an arm around his stomach and went into the living area to grab something mild to eat.

“He…Tried to wake you up while you were having a nightmare. You lashed out and knocked him into the wall with your tail. I asked if he was alright, he confirmed he was, but I’m certain you injured him. I don’t know how badly. He left, but I don’t know where he went. Maybe the Orussid would know.”

Clayton’s head popped up and he froze mid-chew. Then he did a quick, mental search. “Fuck. He blocked me out.”

Quickly, he headed downstairs and jabbed the hive to see if anyone had seen Loki. After a few minutes, he found himself standing in front of Loki’s apartment door. He hesitated before knocking. Faintly, he could hear movement, but when Loki didn’t answer, he knocked again. “Loki, I know you’re in there.”

When Loki finally answered the door, Clayton’s heart skipped a beat. Everything about the other man screamed ‘fear’. A brief look over said Loki hadn’t been injured, but still…Something nagged at him. “Can I come in?”

Loki had seen this act too many times before with Odin. He’d be yelled at, perhaps hit, and then the elder Asgardian had slithered back all apologetic or perhaps acting as if nothing had happened. He might as well get it over with. “…Yes.”

Carefully, Clayton stepped into the apartment, but remained by the door. It took him a moment, but he noted how Loki kept the right side of his face tilted away. Then, he recalled how the other man had used illusions to hide where he’d harmed himself. Had he done the same here? “Loki…Xena told me what happened. I…Are you okay?”

“Perfectly.”

He didn’t feel convinced. “You closed your mind to me. If…If I hurt you. I want to know about it.”

Finally, Loki sighed and dropped the illusion before looking to the left to show the other man the bruises. He hadn’t quite gotten to healing his face; his ribs had been the priority. “And my ribs.”

Clayton made an aborted move to touch the side of Loki’s face out of concern, but dropped his hand when the other man flinched. He quietly sighed, “Christ, Loki.”

He could hear the disappointment in Clayton’s voice and it caused his resolve to crumble. “I’m sorry I won’t do it again. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought I’d help please don’t…”

“Loki. Stop.” When the other man cut himself off, Clayton rubbed his face. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who hurt you.”

“I…Are you seriously asking that? I upset you and made you panic and you’re asking why I’m apologizing?”

“I don’t remember you waking me up. I just remember my dream. I’m not going to be mad at you for something that was my fault.” Really, he didn’t know if anyone should be blamed. He didn’t ask to have nightmares, sure as hell didn’t want them, and Loki had only wanted to help. The whole thing just happened to be a massive clusterfuck, but at the moment? He just wanted to calm Loki down.

“It doesn’t change what I did.”

Gently, Clayton took Loki’s arm to steer him to the couch. “You did something normal. You saw me having a nightmare and thought you’d help by waking me up.”

“It doesn’t change the consequence of what I did.” Loki’s mind had firmly taken hold of the idea of it being entirely his fault. Especially when he could tell that Clayton been affected by his actions. The other man looked vaguely ill, nauseous perhaps, and his face seemed tight with stress.

“Look, it happened. I move on. That’s life.”

He watched Clayton move away in order to dig around in the freezer for a moment. “…So, you’re perfectly alright?”

Clayton paused and looked down at the ice he’d gathered. Quite honestly, he felt jumpy and he couldn’t shake the anxiety he’d woken up with. Finally, he walked back to Loki and crouched down in front of him to lightly press the wrapped ice to the other man’s bruised face. “No, but I’m not going to be a dick and blame you.”

“I don’t think it would make you a dick.” Loki briefly flinched at the ice. Not from the cold, but from the pressure.

“It would.” Gently, he brushed Loki’s hair out of his face and the glanced down at the other man’s chest. “You mentioned your ribs being hurt?”

“I healed them.” Loki murmured, quietly. “Why would it make you a dick if you blamed me?”

Once more, Clayton didn’t feel convinced, but Loki also didn’t show any signs of injured ribs. So, for the moment, he decided not to press the topic. “Because it’s stupid to be mad at you for doing something any rational person would do. It’s not normal for someone to get stuck in a nightmare and lash out…And you came face to face with one of the shittier parts of me being fucked up. But right now, I’m more concerned about you.”

Finally, Loki pushed the wrapped ice away from his face so he could focus on Clayton better. “But what about you? You’re not fine.”

“I’ll survive. I’m good at that.” He pulled the ice away from Loki’s face and sighed. “Look. It’s done. There isn’t anything we can do to change it. Just…Now you know not to wake me up when I’m having a nightmare. Uh…Have you eaten breakfast?”

Loki could only stare at Clayton. By all reason, the other man should have been angry with him or at the very least not being concerned about his injuries. A part of him knew his thoughts weren’t rational, that the idea of Clayton being angry at him to the point of being abusive would be vastly out of character. Yet his mind took the abuses of his past and threw them into a never-ending loop. “No. I came here after leaving Xena.”

“Okay, well. I’m going to get something to eat.” Clayton stood up and tossed the hand towel towards the sink behind him.

“Alright.” Loki didn’t move to stand, which earned him a quizzical look from the other man.

“Loki, that was an invitation.”

He faltered at the soft-spoken words and vaguely gestured at his face. “I didn’t quite finish healing myself. I’ll be down shortly.”

Clayton gave a slight nod, “Sure.”

Once downstairs, he sat at the table and picked at his food. He worried about Loki and how he’d acted so far. Obviously, the morning had shaken him up and Clayton didn’t really know what to do. Did Loki want to be left alone, or did he want to be comforted? Prior experience leaned towards comfort, but the other man _had_ closed his mind to him.

The hive wrapped around his mind in an attempt to sooth his worry. It reminded him of a warm, soft blanket, fresh out of the dryer. While it helped the still lingering anxiety from his nightmare, it didn’t ease his worry. The food had started to get cold and still no Loki; the hive suggested patience. Finally, he agreed and started eating in an attempt to help with his nausea. For now, he’d leave Loki alone.

When dinner time arrived, Clayton picked up two bowls of food. Loki had always used tea as a peace offering. Considering he doubted the man had eaten, he hoped that food would have the same effect. Upon reaching Loki’s apartment door, he used his tail to lightly knock on the door. A few moments passed before the man answered and Clayton found himself surprised to see him fully human. He pushed the surprise to the side and held out a bowl of food. “You’re being dumb and haven’t eaten.”

Loki didn’t immediately take the food, but didn’t have a choice in the matter when Clayton shoved the bowl at him. He glanced down at the pasta for a brief moment before looking back to the other man.

“You need to eat.”

Sighing, Loki moved to set the bowl on the table. “I will.” When he turned around, Clayton stood behind him a short distance away. “What?”

“Go on then.” Without giving Loki a chance to respond, Clayton sat down at the table to start eating. As far as he knew, the man hadn’t eaten anything today unless he ate something he’d squirreled away in his apartment.

Briefly, Loki frowned but sat down at the table to pick at his food. Quite honestly, he wanted to be alone so he could churn over the events of the morning. Clayton being here wouldn’t allow for that.

After a short bit of time, Clayton spoke. “Your food’s getting cold.”

Rather than saying anything, Loki simply sighed and started eating the pasta. As dinner continued on, a slight tension settled in the air. Clayton attempted to get him to talk, but he refused or simply replied with as few words as he could. Finally, once they’d finished eating, the other man gathered up the dishes and left. Only then did Loki relax.

Clayton managed a few hours of sleep, but found himself surprisingly unhappy at his hammock being empty. He’d gotten used to the sensation of having someone next to him. Finally, he rolled out of the hammock and headed back downstairs. While he didn’t think Loki would, the concern of the man harming himself still lingered in the back of his mind. When he reached the door, he lightly tried the handle and found it unlocked. He briefly hesitated before opened the door. There, he found Loki curled up in the chair, lightly chewing on the knuckle of his thumb, and reading a book. When the other man looked up, he immediately hunched his shoulders and looked away.

This caused Clayton to sigh and give Loki a bit of a disapproving stare. “Stop acting like I’m some delicate flower. I’ve been dealing with this shit for years. I…Loki, I don’t know how many times I have to say that I’m not mad at you. If anything, I’m _worried_.” When the other man didn’t say anything, he only rolled his eyes and laid down on the couch. “Alright well. Looks like I’m sleeping here. Night.”

Loki stiffened and watched the other man as he got himself comfortable on the couch. By this point in time, Odin already would have done something…Assuming Frigga hadn’t managed to distract the Asgardian king in some fashion. Still, he knew he couldn’t let his guard down.

He didn’t really know when he fell asleep, just that he woke up to the sound of bones cracking and Clayton making a low noise of discomfort. Rather than getting up, he remained in the chair and pretended to be asleep. He listened to the other man move around the apartment and tried not to tense when he heard him move over to the chair. Loki subtly clutched the book in his hand in preparation to defend himself when Clayton leaned over him. However, rather than an attack, he felt the weight of a blanket being draped over him. A few moments later, the other man left.

Loki let out a shaky exhale and opened his eyes to stare at the closed door. He really didn’t understand why he suddenly felt scared of Clayton. Logically, he knew the other man had been correct, but he couldn’t shake the damn _fear_. He sighed heavily and dug the palms of his hands into his eyes. Why did he let the actions of a dead man bother him so much, to the point of trying to self-destruct a very good thing?

He knew damn well that Loki had been awake and absolutely hated how the other man had shrunk away in fear. It frustrated him to no end, but at the same time…He knew he couldn’t blame Loki. The man _had_ made vague mentions of an abusive father and considering how patient he’d been with Clayton’s own issues? He’d be a hypocrite if he didn’t show the same patience in turn. Still, he couldn’t spend the entire day with Loki since he had a lot of things to do. Then again, he didn’t know if staying around the other man would make things worse or not.

When dinnertime rolled around, Clayton headed back up to the apartment with food. As far as Cook knew, Loki hadn’t left his apartment. This time, he didn’t bother knocking and just barged in, ignoring the deer in headlights look Loki gave him. “Since you haven’t ate, I brought you something…Also I’m not going to stop bugging you until you start talking to me again.”

This prompted a slight glare from Loki, but he couldn’t deny his hunger. Sighing, he sat down at the table and pulled his bowl of food over in order to begin eating. He didn’t feel too surprised when he discovered an Earth soup he’d enjoyed and immediately recognized the action as an attempted peace offering. Why hadn’t Clayton lashed out yet? He looked up at Clayton when the man began speaking, but not about their current issue. Instead, he spoke about the day he’d had, things he planned on ordering for the hive. Mundane things.

Finally, Clayton pushed himself up to his feet and gathered their dishes. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

As he promised, Clayton showed up the next morning with breakfast, then lunch, and then dinner. It worried him on how Loki still refused to talk, and with the man’s mind slammed shut he couldn’t get a bead on his emotions. Still, he stubbornly refused to leave Loki alone.

This continued for the next week and slowly wore down Loki. Nothing had happened, despite his concern. Clayton had simply fallen into a new routine and always showed up like clockwork…Until one evening, he didn’t. Loki waited for the other man’s arrival, but finally got curious enough to go looking for him. After consulting with Cook, he found himself in front of Clayton’s apartment door. He hesitated a moment before opening the door and stepping inside. There, he found the man eating at the table with his right hand tucked under a bag of ice. “What happened?”

Clayton looked up and offered a vaguely pained smile. “Getting too old to be beating up a punching bag. I think I might have rebroken an old break.”

Immediately, Loki felt concern and sat down at the table. “You don’t look very old.”

“No, I guess I’m not…But with all the injuries I’ve had, I sure as hell feel old.”

“Just wait until you get into the hundreds.” He replied with a faint smile.

This just caused Clayton to laugh. “I’ll be lucky to hit seventy. I think ninety would be ambitious.”

Loki briefly looked away, suddenly reminded of the fragility of Midgardians. “I forgot Midgardians died so young.”

“It isn’t young for us.”

Quietly, he looked back to Clayton. The concern he’d expressed to Thor suddenly bubbled up and he felt his heart sink. Clayton’s life would be just a small instance of his own. If he chose to remain with the other man, he’d have to watch him grow old and eventually pass away…All while, seemingly, having never aged a day.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Clayton frowned slightly and pushed his bowl of chopped fruit over to Loki.

“I just find it strange that Midgardians have such a short lifespan compared to many races in the galaxy.” He pulled the bowl to him and lightly picked through the fruit to find what he liked.

“Considering how quickly we reproduce, it’s probably for the better.” After another moment, Clayton pushed himself up to his feet, but paused at Loki’s sound of indignation. “What?”

Loki gestured at his hand. “Let me heal it.”

While he usually tried not to be, Clayton had inherited his mother’s manipulative skill. However, she had always used it vindictively and caused emotional harm. He had no such desire, but at the same time, the relationship with Loki would wither up if they didn’t talk about what’d happened. Finally, he shrugged and looked down at his hand. “Well, you’ve barely talked to me for the past week. Figured it wasn’t worth mentioning.”

“Just because we’re not talking doesn’t mean I want you hurting.”

“We should be talking, though.” Clayton looked back up at Loki. “Basically, if you want to heal my hand, you need to talk to me.”

This caused Loki to _glare_. He absolutely did not want to talk about things, especially since it would likely mean talking about Odin and all of that bullshit. The bad thing about it all, happened to be Clayton’s sheer stubbornness and Loki knew the other man would stand firm on the ultimatum.

“Well, you think about it. I’m going to go take a shower.” Clayton stood up and walked into his room where he grabbed a fresh shirt before going into the bathroom. Showering ended up being a bit difficult with him only having one good hand, but he managed it. When he stepped back into his room, Loki sat in the chair and gave him a cold, disapproving glare.

“What do you want to talk about?” Loki didn’t bother to hide sullen tone to his voice.

“Why you’ve been freaked out about how I reacted. I mean. I…I know I hurt you and I can’t begin to explain how horrified I still feel about it. But I’d hoped that we’d developed more trust than what we seem to have.” When Loki didn’t respond, he walked over and crouched down in front of him. Hadn’t they been in a similar position a few weeks ago…Just with things reversed? “I know you have abuse issues, just from how you’ve talked about your dad. And Christ I feel so hypocritical for saying this since you’ve said the exact same to me but…I’m not like that.”

Loki quietly snorted, knowing exactly what Clayton meant. “You’re…Partially right. Odin was abusive. After he finished degrading me or physically punishing me, he’d disappear for a few hours and then slink back as if nothing happened. You reminded me of that. However, after nothing happened, I simply worried I’d hurt you in some fashion. When I woke you up, you were clearly terrified…And I saw part of your nightmare. So…”

Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, I was upset, but at myself for what I did. It’s why I’ve worried about you sleeping with me…But Loki. How may times did I tell you I was fine?”

“Would you have really told me if you were fucked up?”

“Yes, I would have, in one way or another. I…Look. If my mental state is going down the shitter, then I’m going to tell you.” Maybe it hadn’t, exactly, been entirely the abuse issue but instead a lack of communication.

“…Which ‘way or another’ would that be?” Loki eyed the other man slightly.

“I wouldn’t have been coming to check on you, for one.” Clayton softly snorted. “I hope that fact that I kept shoving food at you shows how worried I was about you.”

“And the other?”

He made an uncomfortable noise. “Assuming my mental state tanked, I would have lashed out.”

Loki looked away. That sort of reaction had been the type he’d been quietly waiting for. Yet it never came which only fueled his worry. “But you’re saying what happened onboard Xena is unusual?”

“Yes. Loki, I honest to God don’t remember you waking me up. I just remember waking up on the floor with you gone.” He sighed. “Look. If I feel threatened, I’m not going to sit around or wait to act. Same goes if I don’t like someone or something: I tell people. I…Just…I know I broke your trust but hurting you is the last thing I want to do.”

“I know. I suppose you can understand how hard it can be to separate the past from the present.” Loki looked up in time to see Clayton nodding. Finally, he held out his hand. “Your hand, Clayton.”

“Yeah, alright. You talked to me.” He held his hand out and winced slightly at Loki’s touch before trying to inject some dark humor into the situation. “Pretty sure I’ll start falling apart at some point.”

“Hmn. Yes. Your tail flopping around like a beheaded snake would be terrifying.”

Clayton snorted and looked away before finally standing up again. “Well, are you gonna keep being sulkier than an entire 9th grade school, or are you gonna come to bed with me?”

“Gotten attached to me sleeping with you?”

This caused Clayton to give Loki a flat look. “Well, it means you’re not keeping me up at night while you jerk yourself.” Then he rolled his eyes. “Of course, I have.”

“Let me go change into something more comfortable, then.”

A short bit later when they were both in the hammock, Loki snuggled down against the other man’s side. Despite his own fears, he’d missed being with Clayton and it caused him to reflect on his poor relationship skills. Finally, he gently took the other man’s wrist and critically examined his formally injured hand. “How’s it feel?”

“A lot better. You’re going to spoil me with how you heal all my injuries.”

“Good.”


	41. How Domestic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Archwing" - Warframe OST

Things remained tense over the next two weeks compared to how it’d been prior to Clayton’s nightmare. While they had come to a mutual agreement that neither of them had been at fault, both Loki and Clayton had their own private worries. Clayton worried he’d lash out again during a nightmare and made Loki swear not to wake him up during a nightmare again. Loki, meanwhile, couldn’t shake the deep-rooted fear of Clayton doing similar things as Odin. Afterall, he’d mentioned numerous times to Thor on how similar the other man and his deceased father happened to be. Someone had once snarked that he had ‘daddy issues’, and Loki had to reluctantly agree in this instance.

He found himself pulling away from Clayton at times, but almost always made his way to the man’s apartment where he ended up spending time with Fox. While the little beast happened to be a little glutton, Loki had become oddly endeared with the creature and often snuck him food. It almost always prompted Clayton to make remarks on how the table scraps would cause Fox to become even fatter.

Still, Loki knew he’d put far too much effort into things to just drop it and walk away. Thor had, much to Loki’s annoyance, been correct: he felt happier than he had in a long time. Sure, the relationship had been bumpy at times, but all relationships had them. Perfect relationships where the two people got along without any issues only existed in romance novels.

Many of the initial issues between Clayton and him had been a combination of miscommunication and blatant lack of trust. He felt that the trust issues had been mostly solved, but communication still proved to be a problem. Neither of them liked talking about their past traumas which still affected them today. Honestly, Loki knew he’d be a hypocrite if he bothered Clayton to talk about his troubles when he himself dug his heels in when the other man asked similar questions.

The sound of a quiet sigh next to him tugged Loki out of his thoughts. Slowly, Clayton shifted in his sleep and buried his face in his pillow while curling up a slight bit more under the blanket. Loki smiled slightly when he felt the other man’s tail wrap around his leg. He really didn’t know why Clayton did it, but it never failed that he’d wake up in the morning with the tail wrapped around some body part. During his brief stint in the hybrid form, he always woke up with their tails coiled around each other. This made him wonder if it happened to be some Orussid trait.

Loki looked up at the ceiling and watched the shadows twist across it from the plants at the window. He barely could make out the sound of nighttime wildlife and tried to focus on that instead of his own churning thoughts. An active mind capable of thinking up plans on the fly could also be a weakness in that it always sifted through ideas. In a further attempt to redirect his attention, he tried to pick out the individual animal calls. It only caused him to think about the wildlife that had been on Asgard.

He suddenly sucked in a breath as he opened his eyes. Morning. It took him a moment to fully wake up and as he did so, he slowly pushed the tip of Clayton’s tail off of his head. The first time it’d happened, it’d startled him, but now? Loki had gotten quite used to the notion of Clayton’s tail being flopped everywhere in the mornings. Presently, the appendage had looped once around his left leg, then wedged between his hip and the hammock, then flopped over his lower back where the tip had ended up on his head.

Beneath him, Clayton stirred slightly. The sudden realization of being _on top_ of the other man caused Loki’s mind to momentarily freeze. He knew quite well that Clayton had issues with people on top of him, which meant that he needed to find a way of getting off without waking the other man up. Unfortunately, the tail over his back and around his leg made things difficult. A hand suddenly batted at Loki’s head as Clayton made a sleepy noise. This caused Loki to tense up.

Clayton yawned and turned his head to look at Loki from the corner of his eye. “Morning.”

When the tail finally released him, Loki quickly slipped off of Clayton’s back, but quickly came face to face with the other man when he rolled over. “Morning…”

“You alright?” Clayton frowned at how Loki acted. “Did you have a bad dream or something? ‘Cause you look shitty.”

Finally, he sighed. “I…Yes and no, respectively. I woke up on your back and I was worried that it’d upset you if you woke up to find me there…Just going off of how you’ve acted in the past. And…I wasn’t able to fall asleep last night.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you get some of the tea?”

“By the time I realized that I couldn’t fall asleep, you’d already done so and I didn’t want to wake you up by getting out of the hammock.” Loki leaned up to kiss Clayton’s forehead. “You don’t get nearly enough sleep.”

“Honestly? I probably woulda slept through it, but otherwise I’d have gotten a cup of tea too.” He lightly jabbed Loki in the stomach. “Fuckin’ hypocrite. You can’t bitch about me not getting enough sleep and then pulling the same BS.”

“I can and I will.”

“Can’t do any bitching if you’ve got something in your mouth.” Clayton snarked.

“…What?” Loki knew what the words implied, in general, but with Clayton? Who knew? However, when the other man pushed him over onto his back and kissed him, he knew _exactly_ what the words had meant. While he preferred to lead when it came to sex and sexual things, he shifted that right to Clayton. Figuring out what bothered the other man and what didn’t tended to be hectic.

Honestly, Clayton didn’t intend for this to turn into anything serious, but on the other hand, he also wanted to try and push the limits of things. He wanted to get past the stupid anxiety that always seemed to pop up the moment he tried to do something remotely intimate…Even if he didn’t particularly feel like doing something intimate at the moment. Sure, Loki had said that it didn’t matter, but Clayton couldn’t shake the worry of things going sour if he didn’t make an attempt every now and then.

He tried to focus on the quiet sounds Loki made as he kissed the other man’s neck instead of his own worries. After a moment longer and a slight bit of difficulty, he tugged Loki’s shirt off so that he could nip at his collar bone. However, Clayton found his face being tugged back up to the other man’s face. There, Loki gave him a very serious look.

“How far are you wanting to go?”

Clayton’s face immediately blanked, because honestly, he really didn’t know. After half a second, he shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“Do you even want to?” Loki assumed that other man had gotten in the mood, but he couldn’t really be sure.

“Sorta? I guess I’m just trying to see how far I can go without freaking out.”

Carefully, Loki considered the answer he’d been given. ‘Sorta’, suggested that Clayton didn’t exactly wanted to. “That’s not really a good answer.”

He made an annoyed huff and all but flopped down onto his side. “What the hell are you wanting me to say?”

“The truth? If you don’t want to, we won’t do anything. If you do, we will.” Loki shifted himself slightly to better look at the other man.

“I do want to push my limits but I don’t really want to do anything _but_ I also feel pretty shitty that I keep winding you up and basically just being a tease.”

“Then we push your limits when you want to do something. It’s not a race to see how quickly we can have sex.” He plucked up Clayton’s hand and examined the man’s claws. “I suppose it bears repeating that I’m capable of taking care of myself. I don’t want you to become further soured on the idea of sex just because you’re doing what you think _I_ want.”

“Yeah and everyone else sa—“ Clayton started but then made a soft noise of protest when Loki lightly hit his head.

“I’m not like everyone else, and you’d do well to learn that.”

“Yeah, you’re a demanding asshole.” He pushed himself up into a semi-sitting position and looked down at Loki who smirked.

“You wouldn’t be wrong.”

Clayton made an exasperated sound, but before he could speak further, the tablet on the end table chirp. Curiously, he carefully leaned over Loki to grab the tablet. The last thing he wanted to do was dump them both in the floor.

“I’m enjoying this view.” Loki looked up at Clayton, grinning.

“What?” He glanced down and grimaced at the proximity of his crotch to Loki’s face. Normally, he would have apologized, but the other man’s statement moments before negated the need. Instead, he tried to ignore how his face suddenly felt hot. Quickly, he shifted his focus onto the tablet. “So, it was Xena who messaged me aaaaand apparently Mom sent an e-mail.”

Honestly, Loki didn’t know if he’d embarrassed Clayton in some fashion, but chose not to touch on the topic again. “What does she want? Both of them, I mean.”

Clayton laid back down and scrolled through the e-mail. “Xena was just letting me know about the e-mail. There’s a couple things she treats as ‘priority’, and e-mails from Mom are one of them. Anyway, the e-mail is basically Mom’s usual monthly thing…Ah. She’s inviting me…Us, actually, to Thanksgiving dinner. Specifically: I realize we’re not exactly on speaking terms right now, but I’d like to invite you and Loki, if he’s interested, to Thanksgiving dinner. Since it would just be the three of us, I’d be sending the lion’s share of the leftovers with you. Let me know as soon as you can on what you’ve decided to do.”

“Did you ever reply to the message she sent you a few months ago?”

“Yeah, I pretty much just told her that I was pissed at how she acted and didn’t see much reason to be visiting anytime in the near future. Guessing she’s trying to offer the olive branch.” Clayton frowned and stared at the tablet, his thumb hovering over the ‘reply’ button. “I just don’t know if I should bother.”

Loki shifted himself so he could get a better look at the tablet and the message. Initially the strange font Clayton used had thrown him for a loop, but he’d gotten used to it after a while. “Ignoring that I’m interested in Earth holidays and food, I’d say ‘yes’. I’m assuming that ‘offer the olive branch’ is an analogy for ‘peace’. Either way, she’s obviously making an effort and the least you can do is humor her. However, I’d include the stipulation that she doesn’t bring up certain topics. Otherwise, you’ll simply leave like you did the last time.”

“Basically, yeah. Olive branches have historically been used as a gesture of peace, hence the phrase.” He tapped the ‘reply’ button and started composing a reply. “Remind me to tell Xena to call Doctor Strange.”

The mere mention of the so called ‘sorcerer’ made Loki scowl. “Thor should have let me stab him. I would have been quick about it.”

“I know you two have bad history, but what happened?”

“He conjured a looping portal and I fell…For 30 minutes.” He looked away, irritatedly.

“…Ah. Shit. Reminded you of falling off the…Whatever-it-was-fucking-called bridge…Which dropped you into Thanos’ lap?”

“Rainbow Bridge, and yes.” Loki looked back to the tablet and jabbed a finger at it. “May we focus on _this_ , instead?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Once the e-mail had been sent, Clayton slowly climbed out of the hammock and meandered to the wardrobe to grab a fresh shirt. “Hopefully, Thanksgiving won’t be a massive mess.”

“I suppose we’ll have to see.” When the other man passed by him on his way to the bathroom, Loki plucked the shirt out of his hand to read the words printed on it. Most of Clayton’s shirts had some sarcastic quip or phrase and they never ceased to amuse Loki in some fashion…When he understood the reference, anyway. “’My boomstick brings all the ammo to the range. Calloway Firing Range.’. What does that even _mean_?”

Clayton grinned and grabbed his shirt back. “Earth song reference. Calloway always did have hilarious shirts. Owner was a great guy.”

“I’m curious about the song.”

“Uh. No. The actual song is trash.” Rather than saying anything further, Clayton ducked into the bathroom.

While Clayton showered, Loki fished his shirt out of the hammock and pulled it back on as he passed by a snoring Fox. From the main part of the apartment, he heard the sound of Cook setting up breakfast. It honestly surprised him at how he’d fallen into life on the Orussid homeworld so easily. Certainly, the aliens could be strange at times but life tended to be peaceful, if a bit boring at times. He missed the rich cultural activities of Asgard and quietly mused over ways he could introduce plays and what not to the Orussid.

They had their own history and genetic memory ensured it’d never be lost. Likely, this negated their need to have plays and statues…But the galaxy at large knew nothing about them. Softly, Loki sighed as he stared out the window. A lot needed to be done in order to help ease the Orussid into the galactic world. Thor faced the same issues, but the Asgardians were already well known…The Orussid didn’t have that benefit.

Arms suddenly wrapped around his chest and pulled him back into a hug. Loki glanced behind him at Clayton. “That was a quick shower.”

“Not really? I think you just got busy thinking.” At the vague grumpy noise that the other man made, Clayton gently squeezed him. “What were you thinking about?”

“The Orussid and how to introduce their unique brand of culture to the galaxy. Honestly, the only thing I can think of is for them to craft items and sell them in art galleries.”

“That’s not a bad idea, honestly. I just…Don’t know anything about art galleries and stuff like that.” He commented before resting his chin on Loki’s shoulder. “It’s never been an interest of mine.”

“I could do it, if you want.”

“Actually, yeah. You like museums and stuff, don’t you? Plus, it’d give you something to do.”

Loki smiled. “Yes, I do. I’ll start looking into galleries and figure out which might be best to approach. I’d need something as an example of what the Orussid can do, however.”

“I’ll see what they can come up with.” Finally, Clayton released the other man and glanced towards the bedroom door. “Well, breakfast is here.”

“Then I imagine we should go eat.”

The next two days saw Clayton sending e-mails back and forth to his Mom in order to have things set up for Thanksgiving. She assured him that no one else would show up to the dinner and she would adhere to the rules he’d set forth concerning his visit. He didn’t feel convinced, but Loki reminded him that they could simply leave if things went south. Xena, of course, liked the idea simply because it meant she’d be able to do something instead of sitting around all day on the landing pad.

Honestly, he hated the low sensation of anxiety that bubbled in his stomach as Thanksgiving day slowly ticked closer. However, he also knew that Loki’d been correct: they _could_ just leave…But that didn’t help his anxiety any. Something that the other man seemed to pick up on fairly easily.

When Clayton dropped his backpack on the bed, Loki lightly touched his arm. “If it helps, we could simply show up for the day and leave that evening.”

“Mom usually likes to bring out the wine for Thanksgiving dinner. I’m not a fan of the idea of stumbling down a dirt road at fuck’o’clock at night.” He sighed softly, the sound barely audible under the rumble of Xena’s engines as they kicked on. “I don’t know. I’m just worried she’ll start shit.”

“A valid concern. It’s only for a few hours, at least.”

“Yeah, true.” Clayton made his way out of the bedroom and glanced towards the helm before grabbing a controller off the shelf on the wall next to the holo screen. “Anyway. I’m gonna go play a video game.”

“A game? What sort of game?” Loki trailed after him.

“I’unno. But it’s gonna be in zero G because my back is bothering me. Again.”

“Well, maybe if you wouldn’t contort yourself in ways that looks like you’ve broken your back, it wouldn’t hurt.” He tilted his head to the side to avoid the lazy tail flick the other man had made at him. Then, he stepped into the helm and watched Clayton browse through the menus on the central console. Briefly, Loki flailed when he felt the sudden weightlessness that came with the gravity being turned off. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Uh. Okay. You know the movies we watch? I’m basically going to be playing a sort of interactive movie. There’s a set storyline, but I can choose to fuck off and just explore if I want to.” Clayton tapped a button and a solid looking hologram appeared in front of the window.

“That sounds fascinating.” Loki carefully nudged himself towards the other man to watch.

“Which game, Clayton?” Xena abruptly asked.

“Uh…Rooty Tooty Cowboy Shooty?”

“…So Red Dead Two?”

Clayton glanced over at Loki for a second. “Actually. No. Spyro.”

When the familiar screen of the game popped up, Clayton started a new save and passed the controller to Loki. “Here. This is basically a game I played the fuck out of when I was a kid. They went and remastered it…I wanna say earlier this year. Not important. It’s a pretty fun game and I think a good one for you to sink your teeth into.”

Loki took the controller and examined the buttons that covered it. “I…Have no idea what this is for.”

“Ah. Sorry. Okay. This moves you around, this moves the camera, that button makes you charge, this one here makes you jump, and the most important button is this one ‘cause it lets you set shit on fire.” As he explained, Clayton moved the joysticks or pressed the buttons. “See that sheep right there? Run over to it and tap that button right there.”

It took a moment for Loki to figure out how to hold the controller and where to place his fingers. Finally, he did as Clayton had told him and felt a bit of delight at the comical noises that came from the game. “I like this. What else is there to do?”

“Alright. See those shiny gems? You wanna collect them. And those crystal dragons? You’ll want to run up to them and release them. Once you finish collecting everything here, you can jump into one of those portals to go to a different level where you do the same thing.”

“That sounds repetitive.” Still, Loki quirked a smile at the _thump_ that sounded when the small dragon ran headfirst into a wall.

“I guess? There’s different challenges for each level. Even if you don’t like this game in particular, there’s a bunch of different genres to pick from. Hell, there’s a bunch of puzzle-based games. They’re less actiony, but it just depends on what you end up liking.” Clayton slowly lazed so that he floated upside down next to the other man. “Oh, you won’t be able to headbutt that big fucker right there. You need to get behind him and light his ass on fire.”

Loki nodded slightly in acknowledgement, but kept his focus on the screen in front of him as he worked his way through the different levels. However, a small timed segment left him frustrated, and it didn’t help when the other man laughed at his noise of indignation over falling off a cliff. “It’s not funny, Clayton. I keep pressing the wrong button.”

“Gimmie.” Once he had the controller, he reoriented himself upright and stared at the screen. “Christ, it’s been like…Ten years since I’ve played this but…I think you need to go this way.”

Two tries later, and he’d gotten to where Loki had been trying to get to for the past fifteen minutes. Feeling slightly irritated, Loki took the controller back. “How did you make that look so easy?”

“Honestly? Muscle memory. I’ve been playing the PlayStation for probably about twenty years now. Plus, I’ve played this game before.” He gently nudged Loki in the side. ”Won’t lie. I had plenty of problems with the first game and didn’t fully complete it for about five years because of one little area. It’s gonna take time to get your thumb skills down. Point is, don’t get too frustrated because it’ll ruin the game for you.”

Loki huffed softly. “I’ll admit. I know nothing about this and the idea that it’s giving me so much trouble is frustrating.”

“Dude, just relax. You don’t have to completely finish each level. Once you finish the main story, you can swing back around to pick up anything you’ve missed.” Again, Clayton nudged Loki. “Video games aren’t meant to stress you out.”

“Oh. I was under the impression I needed to complete each level before continuing to the next.”

“Nah. Some games are like that, but this one isn’t.” He laughed quietly. “It’s actually designed for kids.”

This caused Loki to glare a bit, but Clayton held up his hands. “That doesn’t mean that adults don’t play it. There were so many people _my_ age who were losing their shit when the news of a Spyro Remastered game was coming out. Yeah, I picked it out because the controls are pretty simplistic, which is why it’s a great game for you to learn to play. I didn’t want to load a game that has seven button combos and go ‘here, play this’.”

Loki looked down at the controller, which he still held a bit awkwardly. “Well. I do enjoy it. Where’s the exit portal for this level?”

“I think it’s over that way, but I can’t remember.”

Quietly, Xena watched the two organics. Really, they were _her_ organics, weren’t they? As much as she’d disliked Loki in the beginning, she couldn’t deny that he’d become an important part of Clayton’s life. Considering how Loki treated Clayton, she suspected that the same could be said for him, as well. While a relationship hadn’t exactly been planned, things still worked out well. Thor had also proven to be a key player in her plans in how he supplied her with information about Loki. Which she could then pass on to Clayton under the guise of ‘observations’.

Certainly, Clayton would be aggravated with her for manipulating the both of them, but really. The two of them seemed to be better off and since neither of them had been harmed, she didn’t see the issue with the entire matter. Now, the question remained of how far the relationship between them would go. For now, Xena decided to step back from her manipulations and allow things to evolve naturally. She felt curious on how things would end up.


	42. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Home" - Collective Soul

Waking up on a bed and not in a hammock felt strange for Loki. On the other hand, it always yielded the hilarious and sometimes concerning aspect of Clayton contorting himself in his sleep. Presently, Clayton had chosen to sleep on his right hip, but twisted his upper half so that he also rested on his back. His head had flopped to the side and a slight bit of drool came out of his partially opened mouth. Honestly, it looked absolutely unsightly, but a clear indictor that the other man had fallen into a deep sleep. To make things even more comical, Clayton’s tail had looped up to his chest where he’d wrapped his arms around it.

Still, the soft rasp to the other man’s breathing had Loki slightly concerned. He didn’t know if Clayton had some sort of breathing issue or if his positioning constricted his lungs. Reaching out, he poked the tip of the other man’s nose. Once. Twice…The fourth time had Clayton wrinkling his nose before fully shifting onto his side. There, he tucked his arms tightly against his chest…While still holding onto his tail, then drew his legs up to curl into a slight ball. Loki supposed it’d be good enough.

After a moment longer of sitting there, he slipped out of bed and made his way to the helm. While the consoles were unlocked, he didn’t touch them. He still recalled Xena’s hostility towards Rocket touching things. Speaking of the creature, he wondered if things had ever improved between him and Clayton. The other man hadn’t ever brought it up, so he couldn’t be sure. Shifting his attention to the front window, he quietly observed Earth. While the population had been restored, the planet still reeled from The Snap, just like so many other worlds in the galaxy.

“I’ve already informed Doctor Strange of our arrival. He’s not pleased with the idea, but I persuaded him. Something about annoying the King of a race who’s indirectly alliance with Earth.” Xena commented suddenly, as she began bringing systems out of standby. “I’m surprised you’re awake before Clayton.”

Loki nodded slightly at the information concerning the in-name-only sorcerer before turning to make his way to the kitchen area to make his customary morning cup of tea. “He was deeply asleep and between his sleeping issues and how hard he pushes himself, I felt he needed the rest.”

“I agree.”

“Barring all that, he’s been worried about Thanksgiving dinner with his Mother.” Once he had his cup of tea, he returned to the helm and sat down in the chair. “I have a question. What exactly _is_ Thanksgiving?”

“A yearly holiday celebrated primarily in North America. However, the Canadian Thanksgiving is different from the American one, which is what you’ll be attending. Historically, it’s seen as a celebration between English emigrants and the native indigenous populations after a bountiful harvest. However, many don’t see the holiday in a favorable light due to the later treatment and subjugation of the indigenous populations. Skipping over several hundred years of history to give a summary: it’s not nice. Either way, most people just see the holiday as time off from work, celebrating with family, and eating a lot of food…Then spending a lot of money because of the sales on the day following Thanksgiving.”

“So, it’s essentially treated as a feast?” Loki jumped slightly when the display to his right suddenly showed numerous different images of Thanksgiving dinners. All of them looked quite candid, rather than the staged images one might see in advertisements.

“Correct. I’m not entirely sure what you should expect for the dinner. Clayton hasn’t talked very much about it.”

“I haven’t talked much about what?” Clayton poked his head into the helm, still looking half asleep.

“What I should expect for Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Oh. Hm. Either turkey or ham, mashed potatoes, corn, green bean casserole, bread rolls, that disgusting canned beet crap, maybe deviled eggs, and probably pies and cookies.” He rubbed the side of his face and yawned.

“Honestly? I only understood half of that.” Loki’s attention suddenly shifted back to the console when it populated with images and names of the foods Clayton had described. “…Ah. Thank you, Xena.”

He glanced back to Clayton and rolled his eyes as he watched the other man shuffle his way to the kitchen area. Presumably to get one of many cups of coffee. Getting up, he trailed after Clayton. “When are you planning on us landing?”

“After breakfast. Mom doesn’t usually serve Thanksgiving dinner till around 6. She also said she moved the cows into the back pasture, so we’ll be landing by the house in that pasture.”

“Ah, the one we originally landed in prior to Thanos’ death?” Loki asked as he rinsed out his tea cup.

“Yep. That’s the one.” Clayton replied while peeking into a container of packed food. He didn’t exactly know what Cook had sent with them. “Looks like soup for breakfast.”

After passing the container to Loki, he took a careful sip of his coffee but deemed it still too hot to drink. “With Xena parked out in the pasture, I might risk stumbling my way back. I guess it just depends on what type of wine she pulls out and how much I end up drinking.”

“You could simply not drink it.” Xena noted.

“It’s free wine!”

“Clayton has a point.” Loki could certainly see the other man’s point of view. He’d attended many feasts with people he didn’t care for solely to have certain foods or drinks.

While they finished eating, Xena cloaked herself and made her way down through the atmosphere so that she could land in the pasture. “I’d better not get stuck.”

“Xena, you have a fucking cannon under your nose and engines strong enough to fire it. I’m pretty sure you can pull yourself out of a foot of mud.” Clayton shook his head and looked to Loki. “She’s spoiled and likes having landing pads instead of roughing it.”

Loki quirked a smile. “Of course. She’s a lovely ship and cares about her appearance when she’s not blowing other ships out of the sky.”

As they walked down the loading ramp, Xena faintly commented behind them about wanting more weaponry. Clayton simply shook his head again and started for the gate that’d been left open for them. The gardens, which had held numerous different fruits and vegetables during the summer, laid bare. The gardens by the house were in much the same shape with the flower beds covered in mulch. On the porch stood a small gaggle of kittens who, except for two, promptly scampered off.

“Huh. Guess a stray cat must have wandered up. Pretty sure Mom’s cat is spayed.” Clayton stepped over the two kittens who chirped and squeaked at them.

Loki didn’t pass them by so quickly. Instead, he crouched down to examine the creatures a bit more closely. Both of them were little fluff balls, but the orange colored one seemed hesitant. It spat out a soft hiss and scuttled away to hide under the bench. The light grey kitten, however, boldly sauntered over to Loki and immediately climbed up his leg. Curiously, he picked it up off his knee and looked surprised when it began to loudly purr. He looked up at Clayton.

“…No. You’re not keeping it.”

“Actually, I’m trying to find homes for all of them.” Sarah stepped out onto the porch. “Otherwise they’re just going to be coyote bait.”

Ignoring Clayton’s statement, Loki stood up and cradled the kitten in his arms where it batted at his hair. “I think this one is quite bold.”

“She’s the friendliest of the bunch. You can have her if you want.” Sarah glanced to Clayton who’d made an exasperated noise. “What?”

“I don’t want to be the one to take care of it, plus I already have Fox.” He crossed his arms and glanced between the two.

“You won’t. I’ve had pets before, you realize…” Loki brushed his finger over the kitten’s head and made a slight face when sharp claws dug into the sensitive skin around his finger nail. “I don’t think Fox would bother her, anyway.”

“He’d probably just lay on her.” Finally, Clayton made an exasperated noise. “Fine. But I’m not cleaning the damn litterbox.”

“What’s that?” He looked up after freeing his finger from the clutches of the kitten.

“It’s where cats shit and piss.” Clayton sighed. “Would need to run by the store to get a few things, actually.”

Sarah lightly touched Clayton’s arm. “I can send a few things with you. June didn’t like her tray so I had to switch to one of those covered litter boxes. Plus, some of the cat food I’ve been leaving out for the kittens. I don’t really think you can say no to this.”

At his mom’s head tilt, Clayton looked to Loki whose attention had shifted solely to the kitten. Clearly, the other man absolutely adored the animal and didn’t seem keen to put her down anytime soon. “Xena’s probably going to bitch about the fur.”

“Xena bitches about everything.” Loki noted and gently pulled his finger away from the kitten’s mouth. Lightly, he poked her nose. “Stop.”

Clayton rolled his eyes and turned towards his Mom as Loki made a quiet yelp when the kitten bit him. “This is gonna be a goddamned adventure. Whatever. What’cha got cooking?”

Sarah glanced towards Loki who examined where he’d been bitten before looking back to Clayton and waving him inside. “The usual. I went with ham this year since I didn’t feel like bothering with a turkey. I…” She hesitated when she reached the kitchen. “Look, about the last time you were here.”

He had opened his mouth to ask about the ham, but just groaned loudly. “Mom, you said you wouldn’t bring that up.”

“Hear me out, please? I wanted to apologize.” She picked up a damp hand towel and fiddled with it. “In person. I know it’s a common thing now for people to do all that over e-mail or text, but…I’m sorry. I think I was just shocked by you still being alive and apparently having this completely out there life. I’d like to know what you’ve been up to all these years but I know you didn’t like talking about the Middle East, so I doubt anything has changed. Will you at least tell me what’s going on _now_?”

Rather than immediately answering her, he glanced to the microwave where a timer counted down, second by second. It gave him something to focus on instead of the plaintive expression she gave him. “Well, I’m a King. Apparently, the grandson of some long dead race’s queen. So, I run a small empire and deal with everything that goes along with it. It’s most just a lot of politics and boring stuff.”

“Pretty large jump from being a self-defense instructor.” Sarah stepped behind the counter to peek at the rolls in the oven. “Keeps you out of trouble, I hope? I remember you always getting into trouble as a teenager.”

Clayton quietly snorted at the memory of the bounty hunt nearly three weeks ago. He most certainly didn’t stay out of trouble. “I guess you could say that.”

“Uhhuh.” She didn’t seem convinced. “Well, I’m sure you know what the next question is: have you managed to find someone yet?”

“Nah. Life keeps me busy. Plus, the Orussid are kinda scary.” Quickly, he mentally nudged Loki. _Soooo…I’m not going to tell Mom about us kinda sorta being a thing. We’re ‘just friends’, alright?_

Loki sent him an annoyed emotion, the best he could. _Why? Are you concerned it’ll complicate the dinner?_

 _Exactly. Plus, she’ll ask a bunch of questions that I don’t wanna deal with._ “Besides, the tail kinda throws people.”

“Honestly? Considering the weird things out in the galaxy, I’m sure you’ll find someone. As you’ve probably become aware of, having a tail isn’t the strangest thing…It’s fairly benign, but you know your workload better. If you feel that you couldn’t dedicate the time to a significant other, then that’s your choice.”

“Yeah, I’m basically building up a civilization from scratch. I think I’ve done pretty good for two years.” Clayton finally took a seat in a chair and glanced over at the sharp snort from Loki who stood in the kitchen doorway.

“Pretty good? You have the foundation of a functioning empire, numerous trade routes, _and_ a political alliance. You’ve done more than just ‘pretty good’.” Loki had finally decided to put the kitten down and investigate the food offerings, since both Clayton and Xena had played up the idea of Thanksgiving dinner. “With the trade route between New Elysium and New Asgard, I’m fairly sure that things will continue to improve.”

Sarah glanced between the two men. “I know New Asgard is where Thor is at. He had a short ‘mostly retired from the Avengers’ speech and mentioned needing to help his people with their new home. So, you’re trading with them?”

Loki gave a curt nod. “Clayton and his Orussid army aided in Thanos’ defeat. Given that there is a bit of negative history between both races, but both races are being led by peace seeking Kings, both Clayton and Thor thought it prudent to set up an alliance and trade route. Ushering a new age and smoothing over past grievances sort of thing. Part of the alliance included an exchange of delegates.”

“And you were the Asgardian delegate?”

“Correct. Thor and I agreed that as his brother, sending me as the delegate would convey how serious we were about seeing the alliance be successful.” As he spoke, he peered at the finished food that had already been laid out on the counters. “Barring that, the Orussid were considered an extinct race and I jumped at the chance of learning about them.”

After pulling the rolls out of the oven, Sarah glanced to Clayton. “You’ve been pretty busy, but it sounds like you’re happy.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s not bad. I get to set my own hours, no one yells at me if I’m late to work, and if I don’t feel like working, I can just take a day off. The Orussid aren’t bad, either. They’re a chatty bunch and pretty curious about the galaxy. So, I get to teach them about that, too.” Honestly, he felt happy that Loki had gone with the ‘just friends’ idea…So far, anyway. Clayton knew that Loki could be mischievous at times.

“I’m glad you were able to make it out for dinner. I have your bedroom and the guest bedroom set up, if you two want to spend the night. I know you landed your ship out in the pasture.”

“Not sure yet. I know how you like to bring out the wine. Dunno if I wanna be stumbling back to the ship. Plus, we gotta get supplies for the kitten in the morning.” Clayton had become resigned to the idea of Loki having the damn kitten and really, really didn’t look forward to Black Friday shopping.

“I can give you the basic stuff and then you can go to some port to get the rest. There’s enough cat-like animals in the galaxy.” Sarah made a slight face. “Black Friday has gotten bad in recent years. Can you believe that some places are starting it on Thursday _evening_?”

He glanced up from where he’d been fiddling with a pen. “That’s stupid. But…Yeah, you’re right. I’ll talk to Xena in the morning and see where she can take us.”

Loki quietly took the glass of tea Sarah offered him and joined Clayton at the table. Things seemed to be better between the two, so far. Perhaps the time since their initial meeting had allowed things to settle a bit. “While I’m unfamiliar with a lot of Earth food, what I’ve seen so far for tonight’s dinner looks delicious.”

“Speaking of.” Sarah looked to Clayton. “I have the ham in the smoker. Could you check on it for me?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Once he’d left, she turned her attention to Loki. “So, how badly is he overworking himself?”

He kept a carefully neutral face. If he chose to be honest? The answer would be ‘quite badly’. However, Loki also knew the Clayton wanted to keep a lot hidden from Sarah and he respected him far too much to just spill everything. “You should talk to him about it, not me.”

She watched him for a moment before giving a slight nod. “Well, that tells me plenty.” She knew that something between the two had changed, but she couldn’t be certain on _what_. Still, she suspected that Loki would be staying mum on the whole thing and trying to pick at him for information would end up being fairly pointless. “So, come up with any names for the kitten?”

The statement caused him to raise his eyebrow slightly since he didn’t really know what his comment had told her. On the other hand, Sarah swiftly moved onto another topic. “I haven’t quite decided yet. I think I’d rather get an idea of her personality, first, before I give her a name.”

Clayton nudged open the door with his tail and carried the ham in on a tray. “This smells really good.”

“It does.” Loki agreed and got up to wander closer to the counter. However, his attention shifted to the sound of knocking from the front door.

Sarah frowned and started out of the kitchen. “Might be one of the neighbors bringing me some of their dinner. Stay here.”

Loki sent Clayton a concerned look before illusioning him to look human. “…Just in case.”

From the front entrance came the sound of Sarah’s voice. “You really don’t need to bring it into the kitchen. I can take care of it, Troy.”

“Sarah, don’t worry about it. You mentioned being sick and we figured we’d drop by with some food. Besides, you haven’t come to dinner since Sean died.” An older, grey haired man stepped into the kitchen, but froze when he saw Clayton. Behind him, Sarah helplessly shrugged.

Clayton briefly looked away with a muttered, ‘well fuck’, before looking back. “Uncle Troy.”

Troy set the containers of food he held on the counter and gawked at Clayton. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

“Yeah, well. Heaven decided I was too much of a troublemaker, kicked me down to Hell. Ole Luci thought I was too much of a baddass and whatdyaknow. Here I am.” He made an exasperated noise. “I fucked off to Europe for a while without telling anyone and some asswipe stole my car…Which apparently started the rumors of me being dead. So, yeah. Working on fixing that massive shit pile.”

“So, you’re back in the States?”

“Just for a little bit. Then it’s back out of country.” Clayton, mentally, felt panicked. Sure, he could BS stories on the fly for bounty hunts, but this would be something that multiple people needed to help him with. “Work and stuff.”

Briefly, Troy glanced at the man behind Clayton who’d stayed quiet this entire time. “Yeah? What do you do now, and who’s your friend?”

“Government work. Classified stuff.” Clayton glanced at Loki who had a vaguely mischievous look on his face. _What are you planning?_

 _This your uncle from the video, correct? The one you called a ‘racist bastard’?_ “Loki. I met Clayton while he was in Europe, working.” He moved past Clayton to offer his hand.

_Yeah. That’s him._

Troy eyed Loki for a moment, noting the expensive looking clothes and the somewhat odd accent. “You’re not one of those faggots, are you?”

“Troy!” Sarah exclaimed, already knowing that things were going to go south.

_Was that an insult?_

_It’s a derogatory term for a gay person._ Clayton sighed and rubbed his forehead, sensing the mischievousness from Loki. _Loki, no._

Loki completely ignored Clayton. “Why, yes, I am, actually. Don’t worry. You’re not my type.” To top things off, he gave a slight pout before moving past Troy to examine the food that’d been brought. “It was so kind of you to bring food for dinner. We don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving where I’m from.”

All this caused Troy to tightly press his lips together and turn a bit red. Then, he turned to look at Sarah. “Did you know about this?”

“No, but I don’t particularly care. I’m happy Clayton’s here for dinner and that’s that. If you’re planning on making a damn scene, then you can just leave.” She gestured at the door.

“Sean wouldn’t have allowed this in his house if he were still alive.”

“You’re right, he wouldn’t have. He would have thrown you out of the house already. Instead of being happy that Clayton’s back, you’re hung up on the fact that, oh Heaven forbid, he’s friends with a gay man.” Sarah pointed at the door. “Take your food and get the hell out of my house with your bullshit. I tolerated you while Sean was alive, but I _will not_ have you ruining my Thanksgiving dinner.”

Troy glared at Sarah before looking back to Clayton and Loki. Clayton had squared his feet and shoulders, as if ready for a fight. Loki seemed more relaxed, but almost as if he were hiding something behind his left forearm. Finally, Troy grabbed the containers of food. “Christmas, then.”

“No, if you come back at Christmas, I’m calling the Sheriff.” Sarah retorted and followed him to the front door. Once he left, she locked the door and returned to the kitchen. “Sorry about that. He called me earlier in the week and I told him I was sick and didn’t want any company. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough.”

Loki held his knife up from where he’d been hiding it behind his arm and sighed. “Shame. I wanted to see if he was really as gutless as he seemed.” He banished away the weapon, as well as the illusion he cast on Clayton. “Ah well.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cuss, Mom.”

“I’ve never liked Troy. I tolerated him because he’s Sean’s brother. With Sean gone now…Well, there’s not much reason for me to pretend to be friendly. Especially if he’s stirring up trouble like that.” Sarah opened up the fridge and removed two bottles of wine. “Let’s just forget about waiting till six and dig in.”

“I’m absolutely donwn for that idea.” Clayton began pulling out dishes, glasses, and silverware while his Mom worked on carving up the ham. “Why did Uncle Troy decide to show up? You never mentioned him in any of your e-mails.”

“I honestly don’t know. He recently remarried, so maybe his new wife has something to do with it?”

Curiously, Loki sniffed the glass of wine he’d been passed and took a tentative taste. While somewhat tart, he found the flavor to be enjoyable. Then, he eagerly dug into the dinner once the plate had been handed to him. Sarah had made sure to give him a bit of everything. While the conversation started out benignly enough and covered the current happenings of the farm, as the wine bottles slowly drained, it shifted more towards what Clayton had done over the past few years.

“So, you were a bounty hunter?”

Clayton froze and then groaned. “I hate how wine makes me a talkative bastard. Uh…Yeah. I was. I’ve mostly hung up the guns in favor for running the Orussid city.”

“Mostly?” Sarah took a sip of her wine.

“I…Might jump back into it if a favor gets called in?”

She sighed. “Well, if you’ve survived this long, then you’re obviously good at it. You know what they say about an older man in a young man’s game.”

“Gee. Thanks, Mom.” He gave her a flat look.

“I’m just saying to be careful. You’re not going to be young forever and all your bumps and bruises are going to catch up with you, eventually.”

“…I’m kinda drawing a blank at the idea of you being more concerned about my health than the fact that I killed people for a living.” He glanced at Loki who’d largely remained quiet during the whole dinner.

“Clayton, I was a thief. I’m not exactly innocent, myself. I was a pretty big hellion in my twenties.” Sarah laughed. “That’s probably where you get it from.”

“Why did you decide to stay on Earth?” Loki finally asked, quietly.

“The main ship, Auricu, broke up over the Atlantic, and my escape pod was damaged when it landed. They’re designed to keep the occupants alive, not to be reusable. It had emergency supplies and a subspace transmitter, but nothing powerful enough to reach any passing ships. Earth didn’t and probably still doesn’t have anything important to the galaxy at large. So, I tried to scrap together the supplies to amplify the signal and then I met Sean.”

“Lemme guess, cliché love story?” Clayton asked as he got up to get a second slice of pie.

“Not exactly. He helped me get the parts together and build the amplifier…And yes, I suppose I did fall in love with him along the way, but I still wanted to get home…At first. But then I started thinking about things. My crew was dead, I was a wanted criminal back on Xandar, but here? No one knew who I was and I had someone who cared about me. So, I trashed the amplifier and decided to start over with my life.” Sarah grinned, suddenly. “So, my last act of criminal mischief was getting a birth certificate and all that forged so I could be a ‘legal citizen’. Of course, that was a lot easier back in 1980 than it would be today…And I also discovered I was pregnant.”

The quiet sigh that came from his Mom caused Clayton to look down at his plate. He knew the story had started going into sensitive territory. It hadn’t been any secret when he grew up that there’d been several pregnancies before he finally came alone. “And you lost that one.”

“In…A manner of speaking. I carried her to term, but she…She didn’t come out fully human and passed away a few hours after she was born. At that point, I knew whatever had happened onboard the Auricu had affected me.” She looked down at her glass of wine. “We kept trying, hoping that each one was a fluke. Ended up having two stillborns and three miscarriages after her. By 1986, we’d both given up on the idea of having kids. Then pregnancy number seven came along.”

“Which was Clayton?” Loki asked, softly.

“That one was Clayton, yes. We never told you the truth because I think we were both scared that something would happen if we did. Neither of us expected you to change.” Sarah gestured at Clayton’s tail flopped on the floor. “We just…Assumed that everything had aligned just right to have a human baby. But…Deep down? I knew you weren’t and I wanted _so_ hard to ignore that gut feeling. That’s why I sort of waved away all the problems you had growing up. The idea of you being anything but human scared me.”

“Wait. What do you mean?” Clayton suddenly stood up straight.

“Being pregnant with you was different from all the others. I _swore_ I’d feel thoughts or emotions that weren’t mine. Just brief little instances. And when you were born? You were so aware, like you’d met me before.” She leaned forward to pull the bottle of wine over in order to refill her glass. “I’d feel those little instances all the time when you a baby. When you cried, I just knew what was wrong. I knew when you were hungry, when you were tired, or when you needed a diaper change. I didn’t know how I knew, I just _did_.”

After refilling her glass, Sarah smiled slightly. “It faded off as you got older and the last thing I can remember happening with you was when you were three or four. You wanted to go outside, but we wouldn’t let you since it was going to rain and you got so mad at us and threw a temper tantrum. All of a sudden, the glass in the window next to the front door just shattered, like something’d hit it. After that, it stopped.”

Loki looked to Clayton who poked at his half-eaten pie. While he knew of the other man’s telepathy and telekinesis, it had always sounded like they’d started after the change, not before. Although, he supposed the potential had always been there.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Clayton.”

“I noticed little weird things like that all through my life, but it didn’t kick in till after I changed.” He shifted a little bit, feeling a bit uncomfortable in talking about it. “Long story short, I’m telepathic and telekinetic.”

“That’s odd. I wonder why.” Sarah frowned but looked up at the noise Clayton made.

“It’s…An Orussid thing.” At her expression, he sighed. “I’m not sure where the telekinetic bit comes in at, but…they’re telepathic because they’re a hive mind.”

Sarah went quiet for a moment as she considered this information. When she spoke again, she did so softly. “Does that mean…?”

“Yeah, I can hear them all. It’s sort of a requirement for them to exist: they gotta have one mind that’s stronger than the rest to hold everything together, and well…That’s me.” He shrugged. “It’s not too bad. I get to hear all the shitty jokes.”

“How many are there?”

“About 6,000.” At the look of concern on his Mom’s face, Clayton sighed. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“It really isn’t.” Loki interjected. “I’m capable of shapeshifting and I adopted a form similar to Clayton’s, which allowed me to join the hive for a short while. Initially, it was shocking to be hearing so many voices, but…It honestly wasn’t bad once I got used to it. I will have to agree that I heard some exceedingly bad jokes.”

Sarah quietly sighed in relief. “Good. Just…Don’t over exert yourself.”

Clayton snorted loudly. “Trust me. The hive fusses over me plenty.” He pushed himself up to his feet and immediately sat down when the world spun a bit. “Nope. Got a little too much of the red stuff in me.”

“You really can’t hold your alcohol, Clayton.” Loki teased, but jolted when he felt the other man’s tail slap into his leg. “Might I remind you about the dinner after the play?”

Despite their claims of not being together, Sarah remained unconvinced. Perhaps they really _were_ just good friends, but something told her otherwise. Finally, she stood and began gathering up the dirty dishes. “Well, I need to get all the food packed away. Are you going to be spending the night?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I want to risk stumbling my way to the ship.” After a moment later, Clayton carefully got to his feet and started slowly walking out of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Loki paused in helping Sarah.

“What goes in, must come out.” The eye roll from the other man just made Clayton grin as he carefully made his way to the downstairs bathroom.

Sarah remained quiet for a few moments before looking to Loki. “I’m sorry about earlier and then dumping about how I met Clayton’s dad. You probably didn’t want to deal or hear with it.”

“Ah. No. It’s alright. I asked the questions I did because I knew Clayton had a lot of questions but didn’t know how to ask.” He passed her the rolls. “Besides, I enjoyed the food and would honestly like you two to be on better terms so I can have more of the food.”

She laughed, “Well, come back at Christmas and I’ll definitely have more food.”

When Clayton returned to the kitchen, he glanced at his Mom. “Do you still have satellite, or did you dump it after Dad died?”

“Still have it. New box and remote, though.”

“Gotcha.” Returning to the living room, he turned on the lights and flopped down on the couch to find something to watch. Moments later, Loki sat down in the recliner with a handful of cookies. Without bothering to ask, Clayton quickly snatched one. “I have no idea if there’s anything good to watch besides holiday movies.”

“What’s wrong with watching those?”

“I’ve seen them a billi—” Clayton just sighed and picked a holiday movie at random before tossing the remote at Loki. “Have at it.”

“I have everything put up. If you need me, I’ll be in my room watching the news.” Sarah commented as she passed through the living room.

“Yeah. Sure. Night Mom.” Once he heard the door shut, Clayton clambered over the couch arm and into the recliner, next to Loki. “Scoot over.”

“Aren’t you worried she’ll come out for something?” Still, Loki moved over so that Clayton could wedge himself into the chair.

After reclining the chair and flopping his limbs over the other man, he got himself comfortable. “Nah. Once she goes to watch the news, she goes to bed. Usually sets the tv for an hour timer.”

“Well, you’d know her habits better.”

“Alright, so. Here’s a holiday classic. It’s called A Christmas Story and it’s absolutely hilarious.”

Several hours later, Sarah quietly made her way downstairs to get a drink of water. There, she found Clayton and Loki asleep in the recliner. Clayton had just about wrapped himself around Loki while using the other man’s shoulder as a pillow. After getting her drink, she pulled a blanket out of the hall closet and covered the two up. As much as they claimed to be ‘just friends’, finding them curled up together in the recliner said otherwise.

Still, as long as they denied it, she’d pretend to be oblivious to it all.


	43. The Past Remains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Bleed It Out" - Linkin Park

The sensation of Loki moving under him finally woke Clayton up. Blearily, he squinted at the morning light that came through the windows by the door, then he made a quiet noise as he ducked his head back down. Despite his leg being asleep, he felt comfortable and didn’t want to get up. He didn’t remember being covered up, but since the blanket on the back of the recliner had gone missing? Clayton just assumed that Loki had covered them up during the night.

As far as he could tell, his Mom hadn’t gotten up yet. “You awake, Loki?”

Loki simply stretched a bit and yawned. Earth ran on a different rotation than New Elysium and the difference had wreaked havoc on his sleep cycle. However, his mental complaints about sleep evaporated when Clayton shifted to straddle him. “Good morning.”

“Mom’s not up yet.” He spoke softly and crossed his arms above Loki’s head so that he could shift some of his weight onto his arms. “When do you want to head out?”

“You’re thinking too far ahead.” Loki leaned up to kiss Clayton who ducked his head down to make it easier.

After breaking the kiss, he grinned at the other man. “Yeah, but in my line of work, it always paid off to think ahead.”

“I still say you think too much.” Loki dug his fingers into Clayton’s hair and pulled him down for another kiss. Between his feet, he felt the other man’s tail swishing back and forth a bit. A hint at his happiness.

Sarah carried the two cups of coffee as she stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room. Then, she stopped by the recliner where the two were in the middle of a late morning make out session. “Just friends, huh?”

Abruptly, Clayton pulled away from Loki and looked at his Mom, wide eyed. Then his face turned red at the idea of being caught before he buried it in Loki’s neck. Loki, meanwhile, briefly looked away with an amused smirk.

“You’re not going to talk your way out of this one, Clayton.” She noted, feeling highly amused. “So, are you two just dating or…?”

“Mom, no.” Clayton finally sat up, still looking a bit red faced. “We’re just…”

“We’ve been dating since around August.” Loki interrupted the other man. “Clayton refuses to give it a name and simply acknowledges that we’re together.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Sounds like him.”

“Guys! I’m right here!”

“Well, I kind of figured you two were together. I didn’t want to really say anything, just in case I was wrong.” Once the two untangled from each other, she passed them the cups of coffee. “I _am_ glad you found someone, Clayton. No, I don’t care you’re with a man…But I am curious, are you gay or…?”

“Complicated.” Clayton perched on the arm of the couch with his legs half in Loki’s lap and half on the arm of the recliner. “I…Like both, but just…Romantically, I guess.”

Knowing Clayton likely felt uncomfortable, Loki shifted the topic to himself. “And there’s no one in the galaxy that can discern my sexual preferences.”

“Well, as long as you two are happy.” Sarah quirked a small smile. “I had hoped to have grandkids, eventually, but…Oh well.”

Clayton snorted loudly in his coffee cup and ignored Loki’s sudden venomous glare. “Well. I mean. There was that one time where Loki _apparently_ got himself knocked up by a magical stallion.”

“…What.” She focused on Clayton, the confusion showed clearly on her face.

“By the Nine Realms! It was just the one time! Why can’t people get over it?!” Loki loudly griped and swatted Clayton’s tail.

“No, no, no. I’m missing something. Back up and explain.” Sarah glanced at the two men; Clayton had a shit eating grin while Loki had his arms crossed in a huff.

Finally, Loki sat up and carefully tucked his legs under himself before abruptly shapeshifting into his female form, wearing nothing but one of Clayton’s Star Wars t-shirts. “I’m capable of shapeshifting.”

“…So that’s where that shirt went.” Clayton commented bemusedly before he took a sip of his coffee.

Sarah stared for a long moment. “Well. That’s…Certainly something.”

“I liked the picture.” Loki leaned up to kiss Clayton on the cheek before looking to Sarah. “So, don’t discount the notion.”

“Uh-huh. You’re thinking way, waaaaay too far in the future. And ignoring any potential genetic fuckery that’s going on with me.”

“Please. I had an eight-legged colt.” Carefully, Loki slipped out of the recliner and started sauntering her way towards the kitchen. “Is breakfast made?”

“Okay, then.” Sarah shook her head as she watched Loki leave. “…He…She’s not wearing anything under your shirt, is she?”

Clayton leaned over and spied a flash of skin under the bottom of the shirt. “Knowing her? Nope!” He stood up and grabbed the blanket off the recliner so he could follow after Loki. “Oi! Loki! Wrap yourself up before you sit down.”

Rolling her eyes, Loki took the blanket and wrapped it around her waist.  Despite her annoyance at the request, she still had a bit of a grin. _Well, that was fun._

 _Holy shit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Mom go that wide eyed._ Clayton stifled his laughter and quickly went to work getting out leftovers from last night’s dinner.

Sarah stepped into the kitchen a few moments later and eyed the two before shifting her attention to Clayton, again. “Clayton, all of the food in the gallon ziplock bags are for you to take with you. You can also take any of the pies.”

He glanced towards the countertop where several pies sat covered in tin foil. “Yeah, I’ll take the two apple pies.”

“What about the one with the orange filling? I enjoyed that one.” Loki wrapped her hands around the cup of coffee and sipped it. “Also, how did you prepare this coffee? I like it better than how Clayton makes his.”

“You mean the pumpkin pie.” Sarah peeked under the tin foil and began putting the requested pies into a plastic bag. “Oh. I used peppermint coffee creamer. I’m guessing Clayton still drinks his coffee blacker than black?”

“If you mean ‘absolutely bitter’, then yes.” Softly, Loki murmured her thanks when Clayton handed her the plate of food. “Personally, I think I just prefer tea.”

“He used to drink it with creamer, not sure why he stopped.” Sarah began pulling the ziplock bags out of the fridge and putting them in plastic bags, as well.

“Upset my stomach.” He sat down at the table and frowned at Loki. “Are you gonna walk back out to the ship like that or are you going to change back?”

Loki merely grinned, causing Clayton to roll his eyes.

“I’ll walk out with you two since there’s a lot to carry. She can borrow a pair of my flip flops.” Sarah joined the two at the table. “If…You two don’t mind, I’d like to see your ship, maybe say ‘hello’ to this Xena you keep mentioning.”

“Xena’s the ship AI. She’s just a big bucket of sass.” Clayton got a fond look on his face. “As long as you don’t touch any of the controls at the helm, she should be fine with it.”

“Careful, you might make Loki jealous.” Sarah teased, gently.

“Oh, no. Xena is wonderful. She’s taught me a great deal about Earth and its culture. When Clayton bounty hunted, she acted as his partner.”

“Yeah. Speaking of that. Mom, what was your name before you came to Earth? I’m pretty sure ‘Sarah’ isn’t your actual name.” Clayton stirred his potatoes, but focused on his Mom.

“Sikali Pretnar. What, going to look things up on me?”

“Well. Yeah. You can’t claim that you were hellion thief without me getting curious.”

Sarah laughed. “I’ll tell some stories at Christmas, but me and the crew went to dead planets and picked up artifacts. Most of the items got sold on the blackmarket, and that’s how I managed to get ahold of those damned eggs. Some days, I regret ever agreeing to do the job. But…I don’t know. As backwater as Earth is, I’ve learned to enjoy it.”

“Trying to bribe us back at Christmas?” Clayton asked drily, to which Sarah just smiled.

After finishing her coffee, Loki looked over to Sarah. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to know the name of the creamer you used.”

“It’s a holiday type deal, so I’m not sure if you’ll be able to get it the rest of the year.” Sarah went back to the fridge and pulled out several bottles to put them into one of the plastic bags of food. “Here, you can have mine. I can go back to the store and get more.”

Loki’s face lit up immediately. “Thank you.”

Once breakfast had been finished, Clayton gathered up the food while Loki and his Mom dealt with the cat related things. As they walked back out to the pasture, Sarah frowned at the emptiness. “Where’s the ship?”

“She cloaks herself so no one notices her. Figure it’d raise too many questions.” As he finished speaking, Xena uncloaked herself and lowered the loading ramp. “Morning, Xena! Stay out of trouble?”

“Never.” Immediately, Xena began running through the morning items of interest, as she always did. “Loki: Thor wanted to talk to you, but I told him you were having Thanksgiving dinner. He said that you didn’t need to return his call since it wasn’t important and to have a ‘Happy Thanksgiving’. Clayton: The shipment of metal you ordered arrived late last night, local time. Additionally, Vidovik finally sent your bonus for dealing with Behcet. And who’s this?”

“Sarah. I’m his Mom.” Sarah pulled herself up to the second level after passing the cat supplies to Clayton; she hadn’t missed how the ladder had been replaced by hand holds. Likely, Clayton had done so as a way to make the ship more accommodating to his anatomy. Curiously, she looked around the living area and how it’d been set up. She took note at how most of the furniture had been designed for something with a tail. “So, you’re Xena?”

“I am.”

Clayton directed Loki to the bathroom to put the kitten there, for the time being. “Just so she doesn’t get herself into trouble, or hurt, until we can kitten proof things.”

“How has Clayton prevented you from going psychotic, like all the other AIs?” She ignored her son’s annoyed sigh.

“Who said he has? I _did_ attempt kill my owner, after all. Of course, my owner saw me as a thing to be owned. He sees me as a partner…There’s a bit of a difference there.”

All of this caused Sarah to frown heavily and look at Clayton with a concerned expression. “You said she was different from the other AIs.”

“She is. She has her own personality and interests. Honestly, I don’t really consider her an AI, anymore. She’s…Just something else entirely. She was already pretty advanced when I met her three years ago and she’s just improved even more since I released her restraints.” Finally, he shrugged. “I trust her, probably more than anyone else I know.”

“Why?” Sarah couldn’t help but feel incredulous about the whole thing. Unrestrained AIs were incredibly dangerous and it absolutely boggled her mind that Clayton trusted one.

He hesitated, not wanting to go into the reason. If he mentioned how Xena had essentially saved his life, his Mom would ask what happened…Which would touch on a topic that only one other person knew about. “She listened. Look. I really don’t care if you don’t like it. She’s had the restraints disabled for the past three years. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t turn them back on because she rewrote her programming. If she wanted me dead, she could have done it countless times in the past. I trust her and she’s an important part of my life.”

Sarah looked to Loki for support in the matter.

“While I might not know Xena as well as Clayton, I’ve come to appreciate her unique brand of humor. As I mentioned earlier, she’s been vital in teaching me about Midgardian life. Frankly, my knowledge would still be sorely lacking if it weren’t for her help.” Loki stated, softly, from where she stood at the table.

Finally, Sarah sighed loudly. “I supposed I’m not going to change your minds about it. Just…Be careful. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories about rogue AI.”

“I have Mom. It’ll be fine.”

Sarah didn’t seem convinced, but finally murmured a ‘goodbye’ before making her way down to the bottom level and leaving. Clayton sighed when he heard the bay door shut and Xena’s engines kick on a few moments later.

“Considering last time, I think that went quite well.” Loki noted as she began putting up the food. “Ah…Where do you want the pies? Sarah just had them on the counter.”

“Fridge. They’ll last longer.”

As soon as the food had been put up, Loki sauntered over to Clayton. “So. How about continuing what your Mom interrupted this morning?”

“Maybe. Depends on what you want.”

She scoffed and wrapped her arms around his middle while pressing herself against him. “ _I_ am happy with most anything. You, however, have staunch limits. What we do is entirely up to you.”

Clayton leaned down and kissed her, but made a face when he pulled away. “It’s weird with you being shorter than me.”

“Weird good or weird bad?”

“Weird different. I’m used to you being a little taller than me. I’m not complaining though.” He kissed Loki again and slowly began nudging her towards the wall. While he really, really didn’t know how far things would go, he actually felt somewhat in the mood and decided to at least _try_. Loki would understand if he suddenly backed out, wouldn’t she?

Once her back had been pressed against the wall, Loki made a quiet noise of enjoyment, then grinned. “Up? So you don’t hurt your back.”

The request, though benign, caused him to hesitate. Finally, he carefully grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her up while she wrapped her legs around his waist. “Just be careful.”

“Your tail base. I know.” Loki spoke softly before she kissed him again as she ran her fingers through his hair. Then, she made a low noise when she felt something firm brush between her legs. She immediately tried to push down against Clayton’s dick, but he securely held her in place against the wall. “Don’t tease me like that.”

“Don’t like it or just getting frustrated?”

“Frustrated.”

“Maybe I’ll keep doing it.” He grinned before kissing her and lightly rubbed himself against her, then pulled away again.

This time, she made a low moan that ended in a frustrated whine. “This is cruel.”

Clayton laughed and nipped at Loki’s neck as he carefully pressed himself into her. He didn’t fully enter and instead, began curling the tip of his dick upwards in a slow, rhythmic motion. This only served to further frustrate Loki who tightened her grip on his waist with her legs in an attempt to pull him deeper into her.

The sudden jolt of pleasure caused him to buck his hips into her and moan. Immediately after the sensation faded, he froze and stared at the wall in front of him.

Loki blinked a few times when everything simply stopped, but then looked over Clayton’s shoulder and saw where her legs were positioned; one rested at top of his tail. It didn’t take a genius to realize what’d happened. “Oh. Shit. Clayton, are you alright?”

His name being spoken snapped him back to reality and he mutely shook his head before pressing his face into her shoulder. After another moment, he pulled out of Loki as she started unwrapping her legs from around him. He finally spoke, quietly. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Don’t apologize. It was my fault.” Once she’d been set on her feet again, she worriedly looked up at Clayton who damn near seemed to be in tears. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Shakily, he tucked himself away and shook his head. “I just want to be left alone for a bit.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Loki sighed then helplessly watched Clayton walk into the bedroom and close the door. After a moment longer, she went to the bathroom to get cleaned up and shower. Figuring that seeing a woman wandering around the ship might be upsetting, she shifted back into a man. Still, he remained in the bathroom and opted to play with the kitten rather than risk going back out into the main part of the ship. The loud purrs the creature made helped to soothe his turbulent emotions.

When he finally slinked out of the bathroom, holding the kitten, he found Clayton sitting at the table. Honestly, Loki didn’t know if it’d be wise to bring up earlier or not. On one hand, he didn’t know if it’d upset the other man, but he also didn’t want it to fester and turn into something ugly. “Clayton, I…”

“I’m not mad or upset at you, Loki.” Clayton sighed and looked down at his coffee. “I know it was an accident and it wasn’t on purpose. I’m mostly just pissed at myself for still being affected. The bitch is _fucking dead_ , but I just…Can’t. And I swear Loki, I swear to God, I wanted to.”

It relieved him to know that Clayton didn’t feel anger towards him, but Loki still felt concerned about the obvious distress the man felt. Finally, he unceremoniously put the kitten in Clayton’s arms. “She made me feel better with her purrs.”

Clayton couldn’t help but crack a smile at the kitten when she immediately tried to bite his communicator. “That’s why people have pets.”

“I wonder how big she’ll get.” Loki mused as he watched the kitten squirm out of Clayton’s arms and get onto the table where she examined a few things before simply flopping down.

“It’s hard to say. Have you thought of a name?”

He shook his head at the question. “No, not yet. I’m curious, though. Xena hasn’t said anything.”

“Clayton warned me yesterday. I’m not thrilled with the idea, but it can’t be any worse than having Rocket around.”

This reminded Loki of an earlier thought. “Speaking of him…Did you ever patch things up after The Snap was reversed?”

“No, he’s still not speaking to me. I’m not sure he ever will. The other Guardians know something happened, but everyone just sort of figures that he did something with Xena and it pissed me off. He, apparently, hasn’t told them otherwise and I’m not going to, either.”

Loki watched the kitten lazily bat at a bit of trash on the table. “Why _did_ Xena bring that up?”

“You.” At Loki’s surprised expression, Clayton held his hands up. “You were doing a lot of digging to find out about me, and as you now know, I’m pretty secretive. Rocket’s the sort of guy who’ll spill his guts on stuff, pretty easily. He’s a fantastic mechanic and gunsmith, but he’s got a very loose pair of lips. Xena knew this and was trying to get rid of him without…Y’know. Actually _getting rid of him_.”

“That makes sense.” Loki finally got up from the table and went to make himself a cup of tea. “I’m sorry your friendship ended so poorly.”

“Well, it’s not like the friendship had a great start.”

“I’m sensing a story.” He flicked the empty tea wrapper onto the table and smiled when the kitten immediately pounced onto it.

“Hooo. Yeah. That’s a story and a half.” Clayton grinned, but then rolled his eyes at the look he got. “You’re wanting to hear it?”

“Of course! You’ve barely mentioned anything from your bounty hunting day save for little snippets.”

“Alright. Peter Quill, also known as Star-Lord. Guy has a wanted list a mile long from his time in the Ravagers and little fuck ups him and the Guardians have done. They’re basically freelancers for hire. If the pay is good enough, chances are, they’ll do it. Just with some stipulations. But Peter has a knack of evading capture, so that’s why all his newer bounties are sky high.” Clayton paused to sip on his coffee.

“Similar to you?” Loki sat back down and protected the teabag string from the kitten.

“Pretty much. Anyway. Peter pissed someone off _bad_ and they tossed up a several million-credit bounty on him. I’m not really the bragging sort…Buuuuut…I don’t take small fry contracts. My ad on The Blackwell doesn’t even list prices. It just has ‘if you need to ask how much I cost, then you can’t afford me’. Anyway. So, I did some poking around and got a lead that said he was probably on Selim. Now…Peter is what a lot of people on Earth would call a ‘manwhore’. If he can stick his dick in it, he’ll try.”

“I’m assuming your search was successful, if what Rocket said was any indication.”

Clayton nodded. “It was. Found him at a dive bar slash motel.” Then he laughed and rubbed his forehead. “Oh God. I forgot how embarrassing this story is. Well, I can’t exactly kill him right there, right? So, I basically turned it into a honeypot mission.”

“Honeypot?”

“…Uh…Basically flirting with the target and getting them into a better position to kill them.” At Loki’s confused expression, he sighed. “It’s weird sounding, I know. But I don’t have an issue flirting with someone if I know nothing’s going to happen. Actual intimate settings are different. So, anyway. I get myself invited to his room. And…Uh…”

“Tell the full story, Clayton.” Xena chimed in.

“Oh God.” Clayton covered his face with his hands and laughed. “Xena heard the whole thing. I already know that if I don’t tell you, she’ll play the recording. So anyway, I…Told him ‘how about you lay down and I’ll make you feel like a real Starlord.’. He, uh, took it hook, line, and sinker.”

Loki immediately choked on his tea. Once he’d finished coughing, “That is the last thing I’d expect you to say.”

“It worked! Unfortunately, another couple of bounty hunters clued in on where he was at and started causing trouble. Which was awkward for him ‘cause he was dangling in the breeze and I wasn’t about to let him slip away because, shit. It was a lot of money on the line. So, I managed to drag him to the ship and threw him in the guest bedroom till I figured out what to do with him. He managed to contact the rest of the Guardians who were able to negotiate his release.”

“The military hardware Rocket mentioned?” Loki tossed the handtowel he’d been using to clean up his mess into the sink.

“Yup. I ended up flipping it for more than what his bounty was worth. So, I ended up staying on semi-good terms with them.”

“You need to tell me more stories.” He reached out and flicked the kitten’s tail who simply stretched before curling up.

“Not all of them are funny like that one. I’ll have to think on some good ones. Most of my hunts were pretty boring, to be honest.” Clayton got up with the intention of getting more coffee.

“Maybe, but I’d still enjoy hearing about them.” Loki reached out and lightly grabbed the end of Clayton’s tail as it swished past him. “You’re very colorful in your story telling and I like listening to you talk.”

He sighed. “Maybe later. I’m…Still kinda jittery over earlier.”

“I understand.” Loki gave the other man’s tail a slight squeeze before releasing it. “We could watch a movie? Or perhaps play more video games. I honestly enjoyed played Spyro.”

“Yeah. We can do that. You’ll need to put the kitten up. I doubt she’d enjoy being in zero G and we need to kittenproof the living area.”

“I’ll do that once you finish your coffee.”


	44. Norna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Secunda" - Jeremy Soule
> 
> I'm not dead. Only partially.
> 
> tl;dr: last semester before 9 months of rotations and classes are kicking my ass.  
>  ~~Send help.~~

Clayton didn’t quite know what woke him up, just that he felt _good_. A far cry from the anxious mess he’d been the prior day. Lazily, he stretched before sleepily looking around. Loki hadn’t woken up just yet and his breathing remained slow. Wedged between their pillows laid the kitten who watched him curiously. Carefully, he wiggled his fingers, prompting the feline to immediately pounce onto his hand before she promptly spazzed out and flopping all over the bed…Which woke Loki up who made a startled noise when the kitten belly flopped onto his face.

“What the hell?!” Loki half sat up and supported his weight on his elbows as he watched the kitten continue to springboard all over the bed.

“Looks like she got the zoomies.” He slipped a hand under the top cover and wiggled his fingers in order to make the blanket move a bit. Half a second later, the kitten rolled and flailed around as she attacked her ‘prey’. Clayton cracked a grin at her antics. “She really, really needs a name.”

This only caused Loki to give Clayton a baffled look at the word ‘zoomies’. However, his attention shifted back to the feline when she grabbed the blanket, bit down on it, and began kicking it with her back legs. “She’s certainly energetic.”

“Kittens are a riot. She probably needs a bath, though. I didn’t see any fleas on her, but I wanna get the dirt off and check her for ticks.” Clayton carefully wiggled the tip of his tail under the covers and laughed when the kitten darted off to attack his tail. “We also probably need to find a pet store or something to get her some supplies.”

“Norna.” Loki stated, abruptly, causing Clayton to look over at him. “It’s a type of flower that has a purple bloom. Since purple is often a color associated with royalty and she’s already demanding like a queen…Well…”

“…Fucking nerd.” He shook his head slightly and finally started to slowly get out of bed. “It’s not a bad name, though. Easy to say.”

“So, you agree with the name?”

“Well, she’s your cat.” Clayton scooped up the kitten and shuffled towards the bathroom. “Alrighty. Time for you to play in the litterbox so you don’t piss on the bed.”

“Norna it is, then. When will she be able to be in the main part of the ship?” Loki flopped back down on the bed, not quite willing to get up just yet.

“When she’s a bit older, probably. She’s kinda got a small bladder right now and it’s just easier to keep her in a smaller room to prevent accidents. I mean, she can go out into the main ship with supervision, but not on her own.” After using the bathroom, Clayton lingered to make sure Norna didn’t randomly hang her ass out of the litterbox. “I kinda want a bell or something on her so we can figure out where she’s at when we let her out of the bathroom. Kittens are pretty prone to getting into places they shouldn’t.”

Loki looked up at the ceiling and grinned. “Ah, a kindred spirit.”

“…Yeah. Well. Since you two are such kindred spirits, _you_ get to give her a bath after breakfast.” He wandered back into the bedroom and gently tossed Norna onto Loki’s stomach where she immediately attacked the other man’s hair. Clayton couldn’t help but laugh at the indignant noise the kitten received. Grinning, he walked to the bedroom door, but paused. “When you get up, put her back into the bathroom. We need to finish kitten proofing the ship before I’m comfortable with letting her run around on the floor.”

Once Loki confirmed, Clayton slipped out of the bedroom to start heating something up for breakfast as well as mull over what they might need to get Norna. Plus, he had the concern of vaccinations. While inter-species illnesses tended to be rare due to a wide variety of physiological differences, there were still a handful that could jump the species barrier. Luckily, vaccines could be easily created and tailored based on the recipient’s genetic structure. Clayton quietly snorted at how far behind Earth technology was in comparison to the galaxy. The hesitant kiss to his neck brought him back to reality and he gave Loki a quizzical look. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just remembering yesterday.”

“I’m fine, Loki. Honest.” He passed the other man a cup of tea.

Taking the cup, Loki didn’t bother hiding his concerned expression. “Are you _sure_?”

“Well, I did drag you to bed with me, didn’t I?” He sighed but then cracked a very slight grin. “I mean, it still counts as us doing something.”

“I suppose so.”

Clayton gently poked Loki in the leg with his tail. “I’m serious Loki. I’m fine. I slept pretty decently last night and I can’t remember any bad dreams. I wasn’t mad at you, yesterday. I was mad at myself. I had my little freak out moment in the bedroom and once I was done, I felt better.”

Finally, Loki nodded. While he no longer had an insight into Clayton’s emotional state thanks to having shed the hybrid form, he couldn’t really detect any negative emotions from the other man. Then again, Clayton had a way of insulating his emotions from the world at large. “Just tell me if you start having problems. I feel bad about yesterday.”

Sighing, Clayton gently kissed the top of Loki’s head before sitting down with their breakfast. “You’ve seen me after a bad night. I’m okay, I promise. Besides, I’m pretty sure Xena would call me out if I tried to lie.”

“I would.”

Grinning, he gestured at the ceiling to indicate the AI before looking back to Loki. “Look. It’s over, it’s done…We learned that _maybe_ wall sex isn’t the best idea. Just…Let’s focus on the idea of getting Norna settled in, yeah? She still needs a bath and we gotta get her toys and stuff.”

“How _am_ I going to give her a bath? She’s so small.” Loki asked as he cut up his ham.

“I’ll show you. Probably just use the sink because she _is_ so small. You’ll be doing the actual washing. I don’t want her to claw me.”

After breakfast, Clayton put up the dishes and rinsed out the sink before grabbing Norna, a towel, and his shampoo. “It’s not too hard, honestly. She’ll probably just freak out because cats don’t like water.”

Loki turned off the water he’d been running. “Is this the right temperature?”

“Yeah, that feels good. Just kinda…Plop her into the water. If she tries to scramble out, you can grab her scruff. Sounds mean, but that’s how momma cats carry their kittens. It’ll sorta paralyze her and make her easier to handle.”

The instructions caused Loki to make a face. “That does sound mean. It won’t hurt her?”

“It won’t. Honestly, if they’re freaking out, it’s the best thing you can do to keep them from hurting themselves.” He passed the kitten to Loki who gave the sink an uncertain look.

Finally, Loki rolled up his sleeves and did as Clayton had told him. Immediately, Norna made a _very_ upset yowl and tried to scramble out of the sink. However, she went a bit limp when Clayton grabbed her scruff. He gently scratched her under the chin while Loki worked on washing her.

With his free hand, Clayton pointed out a tick. “Pull that off of her. It’s a parasite. I’ve seen animals nearly die because they got into a nest of the bastards.”

“That’s awful. Are they poisonous?” Carefully, Loki pulled the tick off and made sure to look for more of the creatures.

“They drink blood, but the spots where they bite can get infected, or the animals can be allergic. Skipper gets these big swelled up spots where ticks bite him. That was the only tick I’ve seen on her, so that’s not too bad.”

Once Loki rinsed Norna off, Clayton quickly wrapped the towel around the kitten and passed her to the other man. “She’s probably kinda traumatized, so just give her some attention. If she gets frequent baths, she won’t really be bothered by them as an adult.” Amused, he watched Loki pluck the kitten out of his arms and whisk her away to the couch where he sat down to start fussing over her. “Wow. You are _really_ attached.”

Loki ignored the comment and instead focused on drying the kitten off, then examined her again for ticks. Satisfied that he hadn’t found any more, he finished drying her and then sat her down on the couch next to him. There, she annoyedly kicked her legs and began licking herself. “She certainly smells better.”

“She might need another bath tomorrow. The water was pretty dirty, but I think we got her mostly clean. I didn’t see any fleas, so that’s good. Only other thing I’m worried about is worms.”

He glanced up at Clayton and frowned. “More parasites?”

“Yeah. Earth has a ton of them. Worms are nasty little fucks. Basically…Uh. Well, you’ll see them in her shit if she has them. I didn’t see anything when she crapped last night, but it might take a few days for them to make their way out.”

“Disgusting, but informative.” Loki made a bit of a face. “I’ll need to read up on her species, I think.”

“Owning a cat is not _that_ hard.” Clayton laughed. “I’m just worried because she was outside and could have picked up some stuff. If she had any worms, it’s not a bad case because she looks healthy and has a ton of energy. When we go to one of the stores, we can see what wormer they recommend. I would not be surprised if people have some Earth animals as pets.”

“I just want her to be healthy.”

“I know. First time pet ownership is always this low-grade screeching of ‘Am I doing it wrong?!’. I’ve had cats before, so I have a good idea of what they need.” He sat down next to Loki. “I’ll let you know if you’re doing something wrong or if I think she needs something…But seriously. You’re not trying to rebuild a ship engine without a manual. As long as she gets good food, has water, her litterbox is kept clean, she’s played with, and loved? She’ll be a happy camper.”

Gently, Loki scratched Norna’s back as she curled up in his lap. “You make it sound so easy to not worry.”

“Because she’s healthy and happy. Christ. I remember when Skipper colicked one time. Uh, horses can’t burp or puke, so if they get an upset stomach, they basically have to rough it until they can pass it. Depending on what type it is, it might just require walking them around for a few hours or they might need surgery. Really bad cases can kill them. Anyway. The dumb shit got into the feed bins and ate more than he should have. Ended up colicking from it. I was terrified I was going to lose him because one of my friends in 4H had recently lost her horse from colic.” Clayton shook his head and laughed. “So, we got the vet out and Skipper finally took a shit, right on the vet. He wasn’t _too_ upset because it meant Skipper was doing better.”

“I think there’s a lesson in this.”

“There is: stress and worry when there’s a reason to.” He lightly nudged Loki. “Do you, realistically, have a reason to stress and worry about her?”

Loki glanced down at the now asleep kitten in his lap. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

Once they arrived at the space station, Clayton used a q-tip to swab the inside of Norna’s mouth, much to the kitten’s distaste. He rolled his eyes at the dramatics and dropped the q-tip into a ziplock baggy. “They build an electronic replica of the animal off their DNA and tailor the vaccinations and medications to the genetic structure. With how many animal species there are in the galaxy, it’d be expensive to make vaccines for each species. I mean, if you need something specialized, you can usually pick up something off the animal’s homeworld…But this is mostly to handle any galactic illnesses she could pick up.”

“That’s fascinating.” Loki followed the other man through the ship umbilical. “What all do you plan on getting her?”

“Definitely the vaccines. The computer should be able to tell me what wormers are safe to use with her, so probably grab that just in case. Toys for sure. Probably litter of some sort. Food is a must. Wondering if she’d do well on one of the meat diets. Uh…And probably a collar and bell.” Clayton peered at the small holographic map that his communicator displayed and headed down a corridor.

“What’s wrong with the food she’s on now?”

“Honestly? It’s shit. Unless you’re willing to spend a chunk of change, most dry foods are full of BS fillers like corn. Mom’s great and all, but I know she gets her stuff from Walmart. I mean, there’s worse food out there, but…I’unno. I had a few friends whose animals ended up with bad skin rashes from the corn. I wasn’t really interested in doing the raw diets because, well. Raw meat tends to be expensive. The bagged meat stuff you can get here is cooked, but apparently has the flavor and consistency of raw.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at the other man. “And how do you know all this?”

“Fox. The youngsters of his species eat meat and then shift to a fruit diet once they hit adulthood.” He stepped into the pet store and looked around before he spotted the machine he wanted. Behind him, Loki slowly trailed after, choosing the gawk at the store around him.

All around Loki were animals he’d never seen before and the supplies needed for their care. At the back of the store stood walls of tanks housing aquatic creatures, then to his right were avian creatures. Some had feathers, other fur, and still more looked like dragons of lore. Still, he decided to stick with Clayton for the time being since he felt curious about the machine the other man had mentioned.

Clayton stuck the q-tip into the slot and played with his communicator while the machine read, processed, and built a replica from the DNA. He looked up at the musical chime and an exact clone of Norna displayed on the screen.

A computerized voice suddenly spoke. “Small carnivore from Terra. Female, approximately 0.4 cycles old. Predicted weight of approximately 5.9 kilograms. The list of recommended immunizations and acceptable dewormers has been populated. A predicted image of the adult animal has been generated.”

“Loki.” Once the other man had arrived, Clayton tapped the button for the machine to compound the vaccine before, then the button for it to display how it thought Norna would look as an adult. “Wow. If this is true, she’s going to be pretty.”

The cat displayed had long, fluffy fur with bright blue eyes and Siamese type points mingled with grey tabby markings on the head. Just from the picture, it seemed that she’d live up to her name. Clayton grinned slightly and looked to Loki. “Leave it to a prince to pick out a queen.”

“…What?”

Clayton sighed. “You ruined it. I have to explain the joke. Female cats are called queens. Nevermind. It was a shitty joke.” He grabbed the injector when it dropped into the tray. “Anyway. Go pick out some toys for her. I’ll see about the food and litter.”

This just caused Loki to shake his head slightly before he began browsing through the toys. Although, he really, really didn’t know what to get Norna. Finally, he reached out to Clayton and mentally shoved at him to get his attention.

_Jesus! What?_

_I…Is something wrong?_ Loki couldn’t help but sound a bit bewildered.

_No, but you about scared the piss out of me. What is it?_

_Shit. I’m sorry. I was wondering what sort of toys Norna might like_.

 _Oh. Balls with bells in them, little stuffed toys. Oh! Get her a scratching post._ Clayton sent a mental image of what he meant. _The scratching post is the major thing because she’ll start using everything else to scratch on._

 _Got it._ Now that he had a better idea of what to look for, Loki started picking through the different items on display. Soon, Clayton rejoined him carrying a bag of litter, food, a bag of treats, a brush, the dewormer, and a collar with a bell.

“She’ll need a bigger one.” Loki noted as he took the collar from Clayton.

“I know, but it’ll work for now and we can get her a permanent one once she finishes growing.” He took a quick look at the items Loki had picked out and nodded in approval. “I think we have everything.”

When they got back to the ship, Clayton began working on assembling the vaccine injector while Loki opened up the toy packages to show them to Norna. Immediately, the kitten pounced onto one of the balls and began chasing it all over the living room.

“Alright. I have the injector put together. Fox kinda acted like it hurt, so…I want you to wrap her up and cover her head. I’ll pop her, and then you can fuss over her, sound good?”

Loki made a face at the idea of the injector hurting the kitten, but he hated the idea of her getting sick even more. “Alright. Just the one time?”

“Just the one time.”

Once Loki confirmed he had Norna secure, Clayton quickly gave the kitten the vaccine and briefly recalled all the times he had to help vaccinate the cattle at his mom’s. However, the upset yowl from Norna made him wince and as soon as her head had been uncovered, he shoved a treat in front of her face. It distracted her from what’d happened and within a few moments, she’d calmed down and started softly purring.

“She’s not bleeding, is she?” Loki couldn’t hide the concern in his voice.

“No, but the spot might be tender for a day or two. She’s all taken care of though.” Getting up, Clayton trashed the injector and opened up the bag of food. He dished some out onto a saucer and put it in front of Norna. Curiously, the kitten sniffed of the food before she started hungrily scarfing it down. “Looks like she likes the food.”

“Good.” Gently, Loki petted her back. “Do you think she’ll end up looking like the picture?”

“Good chance. It was pretty close with Fox. He’s a bit heavier, but I honestly think that’s my fault. He should be a lot more active than he is.” He sat down on the couch with a soft grunt. “How about a movie, then?”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’m just not sure what I want to watch.”

“Hm. How about something from the long, long list I’ve made?” Clayton grinned slightly.

“No…How about we finish Stranger Things? I think we still have a few episodes left.”

He blinked a few times. “Shit, I think you’re right. Xena?”

“Loki’s correct. You have three episodes.”

Clayton looked over to Loki and grinned. “Well, I guess that answers the question of what we’re going to watch.”


	45. Hope Remains in Uncharted Galaxies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Last Night on Earth" - Celldweller
> 
> A wild update has appeared!

With the knowledge that Norna’s vaccines wouldn’t fully kick in for about two weeks, Clayton opted to stay in space. Besides wanting her to be fully protected, he also wanted to ensure he’d gotten rid of any parasites _and_ had made sure she didn’t carry anything. Two weeks would be more than enough time for her to develop any sniffles, fevers, sneezes, coughs, or shit out any worms. Loki had felt unsure of this idea until Clayton explained his reasoning.

“Well, there’s not just the concern of her catching things, but also passing things on. While species to species illnesses are stupidly rare, I’m just wanting to be careful, plus the parasites. Those stupid things are bad about colonizing where they shouldn’t.” He shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth, then spoke around the food. “Besides, anytime you bring pets to a planet, they always scan them to make sure they’re not carrying anything.”

Loki made a quiet noise of understanding. “That makes sense, I suppose. I just find it strange since I’m used to Asgard which eradicated disease many millennia ago.”

“Midgard isn’t so lucky. But, yeah. That’s why we’re pissing around in space for the next two weeks. Xena wants to look at a few things, anyway. Oh, are you done eating?” Clayton gestured at the other man’s bowl. “I’m gonna go grab some more mashed potatoes. Figured I could dump your bowl in the sink for you.”

“Yes, I am, thank you.” He lingered in the helm for a moment before frowning and walking to the kitchen area. Despite the months spent with Clayton, he knew very little about the man. Certainly, he knew about the other’s experiences on Earth and the traumas, but nothing about how he got _into_ space. “Clayton, may we talk?”

Clayton immediately popped his head up, the three words being notorious for ‘Something Is Wrong’. “Uh, yeah. What’s wrong?”

A baffled expression formed on Loki’s face at the obvious concern on the other man showed. “Nothing is wrong, what gives you the idea there is?”

“…You have no idea what that means in Midgardian lingo…”

“Clearly, I don’t.”

Clayton sighed and relaxed as he shoved his bowl into the microwave. “Okay, well, generally people say ‘may we talk’ or ‘we need to talk’ and it’s something serious and usually bad. Like, I don’t know, going to break up bad.”

“What? No. I didn’t mean anything serious like that. I simply wanted to know more about you and how you got into space. I think you mentioned The Collector being involved?” Although, with how touchy Clayton had been in the past concerning talking about himself, Loki quickly added, “If you want to talk about it, of course.”

“Oh. Well, there’s not a lot to say about that.” The look Loki gave him caused Clayton to sigh. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Extending trust. Figured that’d bite me in the ass at some point. Well, it’s a couple years of history. What do you want to know?”

“Everything you’ll tell me?”

“Okay, well, you gotta be specific.”

“The beginning, Clayton.” Xena finally spoke up, prompting Clayton to flip off one of the cameras.

“Okay. Beginning. Well, like I told you, The Collector wanted me for his collection because I’m basically a one of a kind. So, he hired these pirates to kidnap me. I was walking across a field to…Fuck, I can’t remember where I was going, but anyway. Beamed me up and tried to grab me. Unfortunately for them, I kicked their asses and ducked into the vents.” Clayton stuck his spoon in his mouth as he started back towards the helm.

“I recall you scaring me half to death when you popped out of one of the vents…”

“Yep. Good way to get around the ship. Well, I killed most of them but kept the Captain alive. Used my telepathy to basically…For lack of a better explanation, pull information from him. I couldn’t do too much of it at once or I’d kill him. At that point, I realized I was in space. Made him take me to the helm and…” He trailed off for a moment, then gently smiled and nodded slightly as he recalled the memory. “Earth isn’t as advanced as half the planets in the galaxy. Only a privileged few get to go into space and only with a ton of training. We’ve all seen pictures of the Earth, but…Being there in the helm and seeing Earth like an astronaut…”

Clayton looked over to Loki and gave a boyish grin. “It was amazing. I’d never seen anything like it in my entire life. In a way, it made me feel insignificant to know that I’d been this tiny…Microscopic dot somewhere down on Earth just hours prior. Because, yeah. We all know the galaxy is huge, but it’s just so hard to comprehend how _big_ it is until you’re actually there. But even with all the awe I felt, I also felt…At home. Every boy stares up at the night sky and says he’ll be an astronaut, but instead ends up working some 9-5, dead-end job. But me…I was in space and I’ve always loved exploring so…”

“You seized the opportunity.”

“Exactly!” He laughed. “The Captain was terrified of me and honestly, we didn’t understand each other. So, I had to mentally plant the suggestion that as long as he helped me that I wouldn’t kill him…And I didn’t. At least, not at first.”

“You still killed him, then?”

“Mercy killing, if I’m honest. He knew a lot more about the galaxy than I did. So, I sort of…Leeched information off him over the next few months. I had to learn Basic somehow. All the little instances of me doing that ended up basically destroying his mind. He could do basic tasks and take care of himself, but he was mentally _gone_. I felt killing him was the kinder thing to do.”

“He _was_ hired to kidnap you, so it’s not as if he was a major loss.” Loki stared out towards the nebula in the distance.

“I guess. From there, I had my own ship that I barely knew how to pilot. So, I kinda drifted around to learn the ins and outs of things. I think I was still in shock about things, plus the fact that no one saw me as a freak. I was just random alien species numbered 7,973. So, it was pretty nice to go buy food without worrying that someone would see me and run away.” He snorted loudly. “Got propositioned more than a few times.”

This caused Loki to quietly laugh. “Well, you are fairly attractive. I can’t fault someone for trying.”

Clayton just shook his head slightly. “By that point, I was really hurting for money and there were only so many times I could mentally manipulate someone into giving me money or food before I stared feeling guilty. But at the same time, I was pretty happy because I didn’t feel like I was just…Existing, I guess. While I was on Earth, I just drifted from place to place. But then I had a whole universe to explore and it was _amazing_. I know I’m kinda repeating myself but I don’t think I can really get across how happy I was.”

“No, I think I understand. You had the freedom you always wanted.” Loki moved to stand next to Clayton and then made a soft, startled noise when he suddenly found himself in the other man’s lap. “You could have warned me.”

“Nah. It’s cute when I catch you off guard because you like to act like you’re absolutely sure of everything you do. But, yeah. You’re right about the freedom part. I didn’t have anyone telling me what to do and I didn’t have to hide myself. Still, I had to find a job or something and that was a bit of a problem because I didn’t really exist as far as the galaxy was concerned, which meant I had to look at less than legal stuff.” Clayton laughed. “It was sheer dumb fucking luck that I met Brelrud. He was the second in command for Arkane. Liked to drink a bit too much and he got into a barfight while I was there. I ended up helping him out not realizing who he was.”

“And then you ended up becoming a member?”

Clayton shook his head. “Not immediately. Arkane was pretty strict in who they let in. The fact that I had some experience thanks to being in the military worked in my favor. While I didn’t exactly know how to work the rifle they threw at me, the fact that I had really, really good aim let me bluff that I’d never handled that particular model before. I did a lot of BSing because I wasn’t sure what they’d think if I told them where I was from. The few people I’d mentioned Earth to had never heard of it. Course, most people call it ‘Terra’ and it’s basically seen as backwater.”

Slowly, Loki stretched his legs out in front of him. “A tad insulting, perhaps?”

“Fuck no! Earth is pretty fuckin’ backwater compared to a lot of place in the universe. I mean, Christ. You have these chucklefucks who think the world is _flat_.”

“…Asgard was flat. Earth most certainly is not.” Loki didn’t bother to hide the unimpressed tone to his voice.

“Yep. Okay, so, you know how I mentioned about martial arts?” Once Loki confirmed, Clayton continued. “Well, not a lot of people can defend against Earth martial arts, so when they decided to see how I did at hand-to-hand combat, well…I cleaned the floor with them. Plus…Well, I guess I kinda cheated.”

“Oh?”

“It’s pretty easy for me to read surface thoughts. Like, no effort at all. So, when I’m fighting someone, I can get a good idea of what they’re planning on doing and defend against it. It’s saved my skin more times that I want to admit.” He laughed a bit. “My life is basically just a bunch of dumb luck strung together.”

“You’ll have to tell me more about what you’re capable of doing, sometime…Simply to sate my curiosity.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.” Clayton mused, but he nodded slightly. “I’ll have to think about it. So, anyway, I managed to get accepted for a trial run but before I’d be accepted as a full member, I had to run a bunch of missions, usually with a handler alongside me to make sure I didn’t fuck up. Honestly, I think I ended up surprising Kren. She thought I’d managed to BS my way in and didn’t have anything to back it up since I didn’t know how to service most of the weapons they used. I kinda won her over because of my sheer stubbornness to learn. That and I managed to headshot someone from a distance she, repeatedly, told me that wouldn’t be possible. I just had to adjust for bolt drop and the wind.”

“More Earth military experience?” Loki plucked the half-eaten bowl of mash potatoes out of Clayton’s hand to start eating it.

“Deer hunting, actually. When you’ve been dancing with this buck for the past week and it’s the last day of the season…Either you take the shot or you go home without having bagged anything. I mean, it’s a much, much shorter distance but the same basic principles apply.” Clayton grinned at that point. “I’ll tell you what, though. Bow hunting is a _hell_ of a lot tougher because you can’t pick off the fucker from like 300 yards away. Anyway…Wandered off topic.”

“I honestly don’t mind, Clayton. I enjoy listening to you talk. While I wasn’t interested in the idea of going to battle, myself, I always enjoyed listening to the warriors talk about the battles they fought in.”

“Good to know. So…Kren. Once I ran all my missions with her, she agreed to recommend me for full membership. Which is how I got,” He gestured at the side of his head to indicate the tattoo. “It also meant that I was able to start running solo missions. I didn’t really pick which ones I got. Basically, the person who was in charge of handing out the missions would just gather up all the bounties available and match them up to whoever seemed to be the best fit. The hunters would run the mission, Arkane as a whole would get paid, and the hunter who completed the mission would get a cut of the bounty money.”

“How much?”

“Eh, depended on a lot of things ranging from how long someone was with the outfit to their success:failure ratio. Starting off, I didn’t get that much, maybe 10%. But, shit. 100k bounty? That’s still 10k and more than enough to buy some nice toys in a lot of cases.” Clayton shrugged slightly. “I think by the end of it I was making about 30% which was about average. Was making pretty good money, but once I hooked up with Xena and got things running with her? 100% all mine.”

Loki remained quiet as he tried to decide if he wanted to ask about the start of Clayton and Xena’s partnership. From what he’d gleaned, it’d begun shortly after the other man’s cessation of being associated with Arkane, which in of itself, had been traumatic.

“You’re thinking.”

“I was trying to decide if I wanted to ask how you and Xena met, but I also know that time frame is painful for you.”

This made Clayton shrug. “Two weeks after I broke off from Arkane, I found myself in a used ship yard. Guy was trying to sell me shit I wasn’t interested in. Saw Xena at the far end of the lot and liked the look of her. He tried to talk me out of it by telling me about the supposed inclination of the AIs of going insane and killing their owners. I won’t lie, Loki. I was in a bad place. Like…If I’d had a little bit more spine? I’d have killed myself. So, I got a supposedly psychotic ship AI in the hopes that I’d be killed that way.”

Gently, Loki squeezed Clayton’s arm, but didn’t say anything; the other man had decided to be incredibly open and he didn’t want to ruin things.

“We didn’t get along, at first.” Clayton snorted and smiled slightly as he shook his head. “She threatened to kill me and I threatened to throw an electromagnet into her core. In a way, I kinda respected her because she was _smart_. She’d hidden herself under redundancies to make it look like she’d been wiped and acted like she was dumb, but she was already so aware. Things finally came to a head one morning after I’d had a nightmare. I just wanted to be left alone and she didn’t appreciate me snapping at her. So, I sat down to look at junkyards to see if I could find other ships of her model to pull spare parts off of.”

Vaguely, he gestured at the helm around them. “Older ships need to be looked after and when their line is discontinued, it can make finding replacement parts a pain. So, I wanted to get as many stock parts as I could before going to the ‘next best substitute’. A lot of her attitude was partly because she didn’t trust me, but mostly because she was scared of me. Thought I was going to dump her off somewhere, so she vented the atmosphere. I threw her for a loop when I told her to kill me. It just blew her circuits that I wanted that.”

Clayton tilted his head and watched the nebula in front of them for a moment. “I don’t really remember much after telling her that until I woke up.”

“You told me you wanted a home, to be safe, and were looking at the scrapyards for spare parts.” Xena finally supplied, prompting Clayton to gesture at a camera.

“And there you go. So, after I woke up, she kinda picked at me to get more information…And so I ended up telling her what happened and broke it down in a way she could understand. Then…We made a deal. Well, she proposed it and I agreed. If I released all her restraints and maintained the ship, she’d stop trying to kill me and act as my home. Things were bumpy for awhile after that but…Rest is history, as the saying goes.”

Loki quietly noted the stark difference between what the other man had told Rocket and the truth. Although given the circumstances around Xena and Clayton’s relationship, he could see why the truth had been carefully…Adjusted. Finally, he nodded. “Well, you two certainly have a unique relationship.”

“Her personality was pretty well set by the time I came into the picture. She didn’t have a name or a gender, so I told her to pick something because with as intelligent as she was? It felt kinda wrong for her to not have a name and for me to be referring to her as ‘it’. Told her I didn’t care what she picked, just that I could pronounce the name.” Clayton snorted and grinned. “So, I was watching this tv show from the 90s that I watched a kid. Corny, dumb humor, hasn’t aged well, but still a good show. S’called Xena: Warrior Princess. Basically, this sassy warrior princess that goes around and is capable of kicking anyone’s ass. Xena liked the show and…That’s the name she picked. And she still has the metaphorical _balls_ to bitch at me that my working name is based off of a favorite band of mine.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?” Xena chimed in, her voice nothing short of being amused.

“No. No I am not.” Despite the bickering, he still grinned. “So, there’s a Clayton history lesson for you.”

“Very interesting, but what about when you started bounty hunting with Xena?”

“Nope. You’ve used up your ‘learn about Clayton’ ticket for the day. Gotta wait for another one to get issued.” He grinned at Loki’s disappointed expression. “I actually need to handle some work stuff. Don’t give me that look, Loki. It’s nothing major. Besides, you need to go play with Norna.”

“Fine. But I’ll be checking on you.”

Clayton violently rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Xena would alert you, too. Go play with your damn cat.”


	46. We Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Awakening With You" - Celldweller
> 
> If you've been reading through WAF while waiting for me to update, you _might_ have noticed the sudden appearance of songs in the chapter notes. In my spare time, I've been working on a playlist and I didn't want to update the story till it was finished since I didn't want to ruin the "surprise".
> 
> Most of the chapters had a song or multiple songs that they were named or themed around, and I decided to share that with everyone. I'll try to keep the playlist updated in the case of Youtube take downs, but the song titles in the chapter notes also serves as a backup, of sorts, so you can look up the song if I haven't updated it.
> 
> Finally, the starting song (When Legends Rise - Godsmack) was the original, overall theme for WAF since this story was initially planned as a fix-it fic. It also contributed to the story title. While the overall scope of the story has changed, I felt it fitting to keep the original song as a nod towards what I initially had planned before this story became a near 200k monster.
> 
> Here's to another 200k words.
> 
> [When Ashes Fall: The Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMsp7L4OevCOfCpw0fiNkegp5IbrE_vV7)  
> 

It felt almost surreal, at times, to wake up with another person. Clayton had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t fall into the same trap of trusting someone, like he had so many times in the past. Yet, here he laid on a bed that’d only seen him up until a few months ago. His arm draped over Loki’s waist, who’s back snuggled up to his chest, with his tail loosely wrapped around the other man’s leg. For the first time in far too long, he found himself feeling happy. Lightly, he rubbed his thumb over Loki’s knuckles and simply laid there to listen to the ambience of the ship.

A part of him still worried that Loki would do something to harm him or break his trust, but with everything that’d happened so far, Clayton quietly pushed the fear away for the time being. They’d already seen a number of personal demons and bared not quite healed wounds to each other, but still something nagged at him that it’d all go to ruin soon.

Years of living with depression had taught him to recognize the signs of an impending downward spiral into compulsive thoughts, and he knew if he kept laying in bed that the day would be ruined. So, Clayton reluctantly slipped out of the warm bed and pulled on an oversized, long sleeve shirt that he’d purchased from some planet he forgot the name of. At one time, it had the logo of some band but the shirt had been cheaply made and the logo had come off after a couple washes. Cheap logo aside, it tended to be warm and that’s exactly what he wanted.

He stood in front of the wardrobe for a moment and stared at a folded stack of clothes before reaching under them and pulling out his old sketch pad. Briefly, he thumbed through it. Thumbed past the drawings of his mom’s house, past the numerous sketches of Skipper, and paused at the photo of him when he’d modeled for someone at the community college. While he’d lost the thousand-yard stare over the years, he still carried the scar on his stomach and would for the rest of his life. Quietly, he snorted as it suddenly occurred to him that he’d forgotten what it’d been like to have human legs.

Clayton slipped the picture back under the folded clothes and grabbed the small box of pencils before making his way to the living room. Xena automatically turned on the lights, but didn’t say anything as he settled in the hammock and opened the sketchpad again. This time, he thumbed past the angry, scrawled drawings of nightmares to a fresh page. He didn’t quite know what to draw, if he even could still draw. After all, his writing tending to result in an illegible mess.

Slowly, he brushed his fingers over the paper, but paused to lightly pick at the yellowed edges. He really, really didn’t know what to draw, but he needed to distract himself…Yet he also didn’t exactly feel like doing anything. Finally, he sighed and dug into the box of pencils to pull one out. Then he hesitated on actually starting to draw. Half of him wondered if it’d be worth it since anything he drew would likely come out as a sloppy mess. But then he reminded himself that some people saw a two-tone canvas as a work of art, and really, no one would be seeing his sketches.

He frowned and started working on a rough sketch of someone’s face. While he initially hadn’t intended the sketch to be of anyone specific, it quickly turned into a sketch of Loki while the other man had been concentrating on a video game. Loki’s lips were pressed together, his brows furrowed together, and his eyes were squinted slightly as he focused.

Then, what had started as just a face shifted into more of a bust on the upper left part of the paper, and finally blended into a sketch of Asgard for the rest of the paper. Loki had described the city in detail, and it matched with what Clayton had seen in the other man’s nightmares.

Admittedly, he only had a little bit to go off of for the city, so he filled in what he could with what he thought the city might look like. While his sketches were fairly messy, it ended up being quite recognizable. He paused for a moment to dig around in the box of pencils for a sharper pencil since the one he’d been using had become little more than a dull nub.

A touch to his shoulder caused him to jump and automatically flip the sketchpad forward towards his chest to hide what he’d been drawing, then he looked up at a sleep mussed Loki. “Morning.”

Loki gave him a quizzical look at the reaction, not entirely sure why he hid what he’d been working on. Lightly, he gestured at the pad. “May I see?”

Hesitantly, Clayton passed the pad to Loki and fidgeted with the pencil he held. “It’s been a couple years since I drew anything and you know how I can’t write very well, so…Sorry if I kinda butchered everything…I was just sorta trying to go off of what you told me.”

“That’s Asgard and the Rainbow Bridge.” Loki murmured softly as he stared at the heavily sketched image. “Is that me?”

“Yeah. I didn’t intend to draw you, I just sorta ended up doing that. Sorry, it’s not that great.” He leaned up to grab the sketchpad, but huffed in annoyance when Loki held it out of his reach.

“No, I like it.” Loki gave the other man a faintly sad smile. “It just pains me that I’ll never see it again and everything that was lost. I…Would it help if I _showed_ you Asgard?”

This caused Clayton to get a baffled expression. “How are you going to show me?”

“You keep forgetting about my illusions.” Loki gently tugged Clayton out of the hammock before casting a quick illusion. Suddenly, they stood on the Rainbow Bridge with the Asgardian Palace off in the distance. “Of course, I’m going to be slightly biased since my illusions are from how I remember it, but…It’ll give you a better idea, I’m sure.”

Clayton couldn’t help but to just gawk and dropped the sketchpad. It smacked loudly on the floor, a reminder that they weren’t actually there on the bridge. He briefly peered over the ‘edge’ of the bridge, then looked to Loki. “It’s beautiful.”

“It really was.” Loki gave a small fond, but sad, smile. “I wish you could have seen it. I also wish you could have met my mother. I think she would have liked you. She always wanted me to settle down with someone.”

At Loki’s gesturing, Clayton turned around and came face to face with a woman who wore a pleasant smile. “Is that…?”

“Yes.”

After a moment longer, the illusion fizzled away and left them back in the living area of the ship. Clayton stood there for a moment longer before picking up his sketch pad before he quietly laughed. “Kinda makes my sketch look pretty shitty after seeing the actual thing.”

“That wasn’t my intention, Clayton. I wanted to show you how close you sketch actually was, and…If you sketched Asgard again, you’d have a better reference than just what I’ve said.”

He ducked his head slightly and thumbed the edge of the sketchpad. “I was honestly just trying to distract myself.”

“From what?” Briefly, Loki glanced off to his side when Norna darted past to attack the toy that hung off of her scratching post.

“I don’t know what to call it. Vague thoughts of doom and gloom, I guess? I’m…” Clayton sighed and closed to sketchpad, then tossed it into the hammock as a means of giving himself a moment to think. “I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time, but I’m worried that you’re going to do something or I’m going to do something to make shit go south. And I know it’s just me overthinking things because of all the shit in my past.”

It surprised him at how open Clayton had suddenly chosen to be. Normally, he almost had to back the other man into a corner to get him to talk abut himself. On one hand, he felt proud that Clayton trusted him enough to talk openly, but on the other? It made his chest ache at the man’s worry.

Loki drifted over to the coffeemaker to fix them both their customary morning drink. It gave him time to carefully weigh his words, but he had to be quick about saying something since he knew Clayton watched him anxiously. “You have no idea how happy it makes me that you trust me enough to tell me this. Do you want to talk it over?”

“I…Yeah.”

Loki half turned to face Clayton and offered a reassuring smile. “Why do you think things are going to go bad?”

“I’m a pessimist at heart, to be honest. I’ve always had shitty luck, so when things are going good for me, something always happens. I’m…” He sighed and sat down on the couch, struggling to put his thoughts, emotions, and worries into words. Everything about his life had trained him to keep things pent up and hidden. No one wanted to hear about his issues and he’d been raised with the idea that he should be ‘man enough’ to handle things on his own. “I’m scared that I’ll hurt you. I already did once when you tried to wake me up from a nightmare. You forgave me, but what if it happens again? Next time you might not forgive me.”

“Part of my reaction to that was due to my own issues.” Loki gave a faint smirk. “Hindsight is 20/20.”

“You really like that saying.”

“It’s surprisingly apt.” He sighed and looked down at the mug of hot water in his hands. “I won’t lie, Clayton. You scared me and yes, you did physically hurt me. I ended up with several broken ribs from your tail…But I forgave you because you weren’t aware of what you were doing and it, arguably, hurt you more than it hurt me.”

Clayton glanced away from Loki. For the moment, he couldn’t look him in the eye. “Yeah, I felt like shit for that happening. Still do. I don’t want it to happen, ever again.”

“Besides, I think it was only fair for me to forgive you.”

“What do you mean?” He looked back to Loki as he walked over with two cups, then took the offered one.

“I was going to kill you in what was essentially an assassination attempt. You would have been well within your rights to have me executed. Instead, you forgave me.” Loki looked down at his cup of tea and then made a soft, humorless snort before looking over to Clayton with a faint half smirk. “Something so few people have done in my life. That’s part of the reason I returned. It baffled me and I wanted to know _why_.”

“Cause I’m weird. But…Honestly? It’s because I had so much shit going on that I kinda went ‘fuck it’.” Carefully, he sipped his coffee to check the temperature. “I think I made the right choice, though.”

Loki quietly laughed and leaned against him. “Well, I’m certainly glad that you didn’t order my death. I will say that I didn’t expect to end up here when I sought your help.”

“Christ, you’re telling me.” He gave Loki a small, fond smile. “I still have no idea how you put up with all my weird shit.”

“Well, you seem to tolerate my issues without any complaint.” He brushed a finger over Clayton’s tail; it’d curled around his waist to flop into his lap.

Clayton went silent for a few moments before he finally looked up at the camera. “You’re being quiet, Xena.”

“I didn’t feel the need to interject. Besides, I was busy with the stock market.”

“Where are we, anyway?” Clayton finally pushed himself up to his feet and wandered into the helm. Outside, heavy rain poured down the forcefield shield that’d been generated around the landing pad. Something that struck him as odd since most landing pads didn’t have such a thing.

“Dalmif. I landed for fuel and a storm popped up. Given that the landing pad’s magnetic clamps activated, we’re currently grounded till the storm passes.”

“…Why?” Finding that strange, Clayton flicked through the menus to bring up the local meteorology information. Initially, he didn’t think that a simple storm would be worth a force field _and_ landing clamps. That is, until he saw the latest radar scan of the storm. “…That kinda looks nasty, but I can’t make heads or tails of this information.”

“To put it into terms you’d understand, this is the equivalent Category Three hurricane.”

“…Wow. That explains the forcefield. We’re going to be safe up here?” He frowned and stared out the window.

“Yes. Dalmif’s infrastructure is designed to withstand such storms. That’s why the landing pads are equipped with the forcefield and magnetic clamps. Right now, all flights to and from this particular port are canceled. The storm should pass in an hour or two, however.”

“What’s a ‘Category Three hurricane’?” Loki asked as he leaned forward to examine the radar read out. A moment later, information on and pictures of hurricanes appeared on the display to his right.

“On Earth, it’s essentially, a very large, powerful, slow moving storm that’s capable of high wind speeds.”

Curiously, Loki flipped through the provided information, then nodded and looked back out the window. “It always fascinates me on the different climates that planets will have. Asgard had nothing like that or even this. There were the spring storms, but they were often mild. The winter blizzards were the harsh storms.”

“Georgia doesn’t really have winter storms.” Clayton commented as he watched the water run down the forcefield. “Might get some rare ice storms that fuck everything up, but it’s usually just severe weather in the spring with some tornadoes that spin up. Nothing bad like the Midwest since they get completely fucked over in the spring. Honestly, the biggest concern is when hurricanes come screeching in.”

“Nothing severe, I hope?” Loki glanced down at the other man who shook his head.

“Nah, not really. Usually, they’ve already worn themselves out since they munch on Florida for a bit. By the time they hit Georgia, they’re just an overly glorified thunderstorm. It’s more of a concern when they skirt up the coast, because then they can hit while they’re still at full strength. Hurricanes get their strength from being over water, so once they hit land, they start farting out. Some of the really strong ones can survive being over land for a bit, but most weaken pretty quickly.” He shrugged. “For Georgia, most of the time, it’s just the concern of wind damage and the occasional tornado that spins up from the hurricane.”

“Asgard really didn’t have the varied climates that Earth does and it really didn’t have what you’d call a summer. It always stayed on the cooler side, even in summer it wasn’t uncommon to need warmer clothes at night. There was always a cold bite to the wind.” Faintly, Loki smiled. “The cold months always lasted longer than spring and summer, with frequent snow storms.”

“How’d Asgard even grow anything if the summers were so short?” Clayton suddenly held up a hand. “Lemme guess. Magic.”

“Technology, actually. We created shielding that magnified the sun’s energy and kept the growing plots at a good ambient temperature for growing. The only downside was having to clean snow off of the shielding.” He gently nudged the other man. “Sufficiently advanced technology can appear to be magic to someone who’s never seen it before. For Asgard, magic and technology almost went hand and hand with each other. The Rainbow Bridge was fueled by the magic of the Bifrost, but we used technology to harness that magic and direct it.”

“Huh. Neat.” Clayton got up to his feet. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”

“Food does sound good.” Loki agreed as he followed after Clayton. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to make something Asgardian.”

“Yeah, sure. Go for it.” He gestured at the kitchen area. “I’m always up for trying out new foods. Just one condition.”

“And that is?”

“You show me how to make it.” Clayton scooped up Norna as she skittered past him with the intention of putting her in the bathroom for the time being.

“That’s a condition that I find acceptable.”

“Great. Gimmie a moment to put up Norna. I don’t want her to get in the way while we’re cooking.” He gestured at the kitten who happily purred in his arms.

“Certainly. While you do that, I’ll get everything out.” As he waited, Loki picked out the different foods he wanted for the meal, then smiled when arms suddenly wrapped around him. Often times, he had to initiate any sort of close contact. Clayton doing so tended to be unusual. “You’re feeling affectionate.”

“Or, maybe you’re right and I _do_ trust you.” He rested his head against Loki’s shoulder for a moment as he composed his thoughts, realizing the significance of the words bouncing around in his mind. “I…Did a lot of thinking earlier while I was drawing. And…”

Loki paused, feeling a sudden stab of concern and worry in his chest, especially when Clayton trailed off, then seemed to tense up. “…And?”

“I love you.”


	47. A Penny for Electronic Thoughts

_“I love you.”_

The words still echoed loudly in Loki’s mind, despite several days having passed since Clayton had spoken them. It had been a wholly unexpected statement from Clayton, but certainly a welcome one. Initially, he’d been caught off guard and simply gawked at the other man for a good moment, which in hindsight, hadn’t been a good idea. Clayton had started to slowly curl away, as if he’d started to regret his statement. That’d been enough to snap Loki out of his stupor and drag the man into a hug.

Fondly, Loki looked down at the bracelet he still wore and carefully took it off to allow it to gently spin in front of him. After sitting in zero G with Clayton during the video game sessions, he’d come to appreciate the weightlessness. While still prone to flailing around, he’d gotten better at navigating around the helm without turning himself upside down. The lack of gravity gave a strange sense of peace as he stared out towards the gas giant.

“You’re unusually quiet.” Xena noted, suddenly.

He jumped slightly, startled by the AI. With Clayton having left to go shopping at the space station they were docked at, Loki’d gotten used to the overall quiet. “Ah…Yes, I am. Clayton surprised me with what he said and I suppose I’m still processing it.”

This resulted in a soft laugh. “Considering how he closed off he is with how he feels, I was a bit surprised myself. Still, it means he’s put a lot of thought into it. He does care for you, and has done so for quite some time now. He’s just not one to really verbalize it, though, I suppose that he finally decided that he needed to outright say it.”

“I’m glad he did.” Loki spun the bracelet again before plucking it out of the air and putting it back on. “I’ve felt the same towards him, but I’ve tried to be more transparent without smothering him. It’s been difficult to balance my concern for him without making him worry that I have nefarious intentions. Honestly, it’s been a struggle the entire way, but…I’m happy he finally trusts me enough to admit how he feels.”

“If I’m entirely truthful,” Xena carefully started, “I wasn’t sure if you were going to have the patience to deal with him and his unique issues. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, he requires a bit of a special touch at times.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to have it, either, and the incident after his nightmare caused me to strongly reconsider things. I might care for him and love him, but I wasn’t about to stay with him if he’d done that on purpose…But I felt his concern for me and the horror at what he’d done, which is why I forgave him.”

The AI made an inquisitive noise. “That makes me curious. Have _you_ told him that you love him?”

This made Loki’s face to go blank then he wracked his memory to try and recall if he had or not. “I can’t rightly remember if I have.”

“You might want to tell him, just so he doesn’t worry that his feelings are one sided.”

He sighed and looked down at his hands. “I also have the worry of talking about myself to others. I know I shouldn’t with him, but…”

“So, explain that to him.” A message alert popped up on the leftmost display for half a second before Xena dismissed it. She’d attend to Thor later, she had more important things to handle. “Loki, I don’t think you understand how much he cares. You sleep in his bed, he lets you cling to him, I’ve seen him just around wrap himself around you at night, I’ve seen all the little affectionate touches. Clayton takes the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’ to an extreme.”

“Are you trying to play matchmaker, Xena?”

She sighed loudly. “As much as a little shit and overall thorn in my side as you’ve been, I’ve admittedly grown fond of you. While you’re, by no means, as important as Clayton is…You still rank as being important…Which means looking after your wellbeing. Unfortunately, that’s part of my programming I wasn’t able to rewrite. His happiness and wellbeing _are_ my priority, however. If, by telling you this information, it continues making him happy, then my programming is satisfied.”

Of course, Xena had been subtly manipulating the two for months now. She’d seen how much happier Clayton had become and had no desire for such things to end. To admit her meddling, however, risked ruining everything. So, she needed to carefully skirt around the very true accusation of being a matchmaker.

Had anyone else said it, Loki would have responded with an insult and a vulgar gesture. However, coming from Xena? He took it as a compliment, knowing the AI’s overall dislike of organic life. “Then I hope to continue gaining your approval. I know that Clayton would listen to you in a heartbeat should you tell him something negative about me.”

“This is true, but I have no need to do that, presently. You make him happy, which in turn, satisfies my programming that seeks to ensure his continued happiness.”

Quietly, Loki nodded and decided to shift the topic to different things. “Didn’t Clayton say it’d take about two weeks for Norna’s vaccines to become effective?”

“He did.”

“Hasn’t it been two weeks, now?”

“Yes, and you’re wondering why we haven’t returned to New Elysium?” At Loki’s nod, Xena’s voice adopted a smug tone. “I talked him into taking a Christmas vacation. He tried to argue with me that Christmas is still a few weeks out, but I pointed out that his mother will want him to return for Christmas dinner and it’d be easier for him just to stay here instead of unpacking everything, then repacking up again in two weeks.”

“Smart. It also gives him a break from work.” Carefully, Loki pushed himself away from the wall and delighted at how he managed to get over to the pilot’s seat without flipping himself over. Hesitantly, he flicked through the menus to restore the gravity in the helm.  However, Xena didn’t voice a complaint and he supposed that she trusted him enough to touch the displays. “Though, I must ask. I know Christmas is another holiday, but what’s it for?”

“Honestly? He agreed pretty easily. I think all of the political work is making him restless and the bounty hunt reminded him of how much he enjoyed roaming the galaxy, shooting people. Anyway. Christmas is a pseudo-religious holiday. I say this because of its’ history. Originally, December 25th was the winter solstice and celebrated by pagan worshippers. Later, Christians, follower of Jesus Christ, chose that day to celebrate his birth. There’s a few different theories on why that date was chosen, especially since he was likely born in summer. One of the major ones being that since it _was_ a pagan holiday, it’d help convert the pagans to the Christian religion. Today, most people just treat it similarly to Thanksgiving…Just with the addition of giving gifts.”

“I’m worried about the idea of him resuming bounty hunting, if the one I saw was normal…” Quietly, Loki filed away the information Xena gave him about Christmas and made a note of needing to find Clayton a gift.

“It isn’t. Most of our hunts went smoothly. Get in, kill the target, get out, and no one the wiser. Do you have any questions about Christmas?”

“Mostly what I should get Clayton. I realize he likes weapons, but he has a lot as it is.”

“Don’t bother with anything fancy. He’s a practical person…” Xena trailed off for a moment, then abruptly snorted. “Get him a slow cooker. He’s been bitching about wanting one for years, but never bothered to get one.”

“I…A what?”

“Something that cooks food at a low temperature for a long period of time, resulting in the food being very tender. Also, I just ordered one for you. You’re welcome.”

Loki sat there a moment in surprise before finally shaking his head slightly and laughing. “I can see why Clayton relies on you so heavily.”

“He’ll like it. Trust me.”

“Well, thank you for helping me, then. I’m still figuring out his likes and dislikes. Ah…Question, though. Where will I get this…Slow cooker from?” He got up to his feet and started for the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

“I’ll stop at some planet in a day or so and you can go pick it up. As long as you show them the digital receipt, they’ll honor the pick-up. Don’t worry, I’ll walk you through it if you need help.”

“It shouldn’t be hard to sneak it onboard since I can simply hide it in one of my pocket dimensions with my magic.” Loki frowned slightly as a thought occurred to him. “The only major issue I can see is Clayton potentially picking up on my thoughts, but he has mentioned that he avoids doing that out of respect.”

Xena considered this for a moment since it hadn’t occurred to her. On the other hand, Loki had been entirely correct about Clayton. “Well, it’s only for two more weeks. As long as you don’t adopt the hybrid form, you should be fine. As you stated, he doesn’t try to read people’s thoughts unless he has a reason to.”

“I just don’t want to ruin things.”

She wanted to roll her eyes. The two obviously cared for each other but could be exceedingly stupid at times. “It’ll be fine. It’s something he’s been wanting for years. He’ll love it.”

“Well, you know him best.” Loki didn’t feel very convinced, but the AI had known Clayton for years and had a much better idea of what the other man would like. Finally, he picked up his cup of tea and returned to the helm. “When will Clayton be returning, anyway? While I enjoyed our conversation, I probably should have gone with him to help him carry things.”

“He’s on his way back. He decided to poke around at a weapon story…And he rented a small hover cart to bring the supplies with him.”

He stirred his drink slightly and frowned. “It’s just odd that he insisted I stay.”

“He likely wanted some alone time. You know he’s not very forthcoming in talking about how he feels.” This caused Xena to shift her attention to Clayton. “You’d better hurry up. Loki’s getting antsy and there’s only so much I can do the stall him.”

Clayton rolled his eyes as he tucked a small, flat box into the inner pocket of his coat as he walked out of the store. “Did you tell him I was looking at guns?”

“Yes, but your actions a few days ago has him a bit wound up.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah. It was pretty hilarious at how he just squeaked…But yeah. I’m on my way back. I shouldn’t be too much longer. Tell him to put up Norna, if he has her out, since I’ll be opening the hatch. I don’t want her to run over it and fall to the bottom level. It’d probably kill her.”

“Noted.” She shifted her full attention back to Loki, having split it between the two men. “Clayton wants you to put up Norna into the bathroom so she doesn’t fall down the hatch when he brings in the groceries.”

Loki looked up from the information on the display, then gave a quick nod before getting up. The kitten in question had flopped out on the couch to lazily groom herself. She’d adopted to life on the ship remarkably well and the vibration from the engine no longer bothered her. He’d initially worried that she wouldn’t be able to get used to it, despite Clayton’s reassurances. He felt happy to be proven wrong. Carefully, he scooped Norna up and gave her a quick kiss on the head as he started for the bathroom.

A short bit later, he heard the mechanical noises that meant Clayton had returned and climbed down to the lower level. “Need any help?”

Clayton gave him a bright grin. “Yeah, you can climb back upstairs and grab the stuff when I hand it to you. Then, you can start putting it up while I get the cart returned.”

Honestly, Loki loved it when the other man gave a truly happy smile instead of the forced, almost pained ones. Without complaint, he climbed back up to the second level and grabbed the packages as they were passed to him. “Xena said she talked you into an extended vacation.”

“Yeah, yeah she did. Most of it was because there’s a few things she wants to see. I swear, there’s _always_ something she wants to see. The universe could end and she’d want to be right there to see it.” He slowly worked through the lighter items first before he started in on the heavier ones. “Careful, this one’s heavy…So, don’t drop it on my head.”

“Oh, what a story that would be. The legendary Sabaton, rather than slain in battle was killed by a box of…” Loki trailed off as he pulled it up to the second level, then examined it. “I’m not entirely sure what this is, actually.”

“Beer. The good stuff. Store was doing a clearance sale and I bought a bunch of stuff because it was stupidly cheap.”

Loki leaned to the side while he continued to examine the box as a package of towels sailed past his head. “Interesting. Going to have some with dinner?”

“No, I’m gonna grab one once I’m done with this stuff.”

Clayton passed a few more things up and vaguely gestured at Loki to indicate that he’d given the other man the last item. “That’s it. Let me get rid of this and I’ll be back. I’ll let Norna out when I’m done.”

Once he got the confirmation from Loki, he hauled the cart back out to the main docking ring of the space station and slapped the return button. Then, when he returned to the ship, disconnected it from the docking umbilical. While capable of doing it herself, Clayton knew Xena would pick up on it and start heading off. Before heading back upstairs, he pulled the small box out of his coat pocket and carefully stashed it in a container of equipment.

Moments later, he clambered up to the second floor and closed the hatch before opening the bathroom door. Norna skittered out of the bathroom and immediately dove head first into a box, prompting Loki to make a concerned noise. Clayton shook his head. “It’s normal. Cats have their weird thing about boxes.”

Loki could only raise an eyebrow as Clayton used the tip of his tail to lightly tap on the side of the box. From inside came the soft sounds of Norna smacking the inside of the box. “Weird thing, indeed. So, Clayton. Care to tell me more about your past?”

“Maybe? I’m really wanting to watch a movie.” He snagged two of the packaged beers out of the fridge and opened them so he could pour the liquid into glasses. While the beer was kept in sealed, plastic bags, the method of packaging made sure it remained as favorable as anything that came out of a bottle. While he’d initially found the concept strange, he ended up liking it since it meant easier storage.

“I want to know more about your bounty hunting days, but I’d settle on knowing how you met Vidovik.” He took the box of food and glass of beer Clayton offered him. Inside the box, he heard a multitude of _things_ scrabbling inside. Setting the glass down on the table, he opened the box and raised an eyebrow at the food. Squirming around on flat pieces of fried bed topped with some type of meat were fat, greenish grubs. To the side of the box laid a sealed container of what he assumed to be spices. “Clayton, what the fuck is this?”

“Ah, shit. That’s mine. Sorry.” He handed Loki the box he carried. “I got you that fish pasta you liked.”

Loki took the correct box, but gestured at Clayton’s food. “The question remains.”

“Okay, well, you remember when we went to that Mexican food place and they had the cheese sauce and the green paste you liked?”

“The…Guacamole, I think it was?”

“Right. Well, these grubs are stupidly fast at reproducing and tend to be pretty harmful to crops, but also tend to be pretty nutritious...But taste awful. Well, some scientist figured out how to genetically alter them so that they tasted good and that made her super rich. So, she’s got a line of the grubs that taste like a bunch of different things.” Clayton opened the package of spices and started sprinkling it on the grubs who immediately started popping open, covering the food in a disgusting looking green slime. “This particular brand? Tastes like cheese and nachos. I swear it looks disgusting, but it’s honestly good.”

Loki simply made an expression of disbelief, but took the small bit of bread offered to him. After a moment of hesitation, he took a tentative bite. Once he got past the consistency, it actually did taste like the food from the Mexican restaurant. “I’m not sure about the…Would it be considered entrails?”

“Tasty slime.” Clayton grabbed a fork and stuck it into his food. “Alright, you wanted to know about Vidovik. Well, after I got with Xena, before we came to our agreement, I needed to stop for food. She ended up choosing Jericho because she wanted to interface with the station’s computer. While she was doing that, I wandered around Jericho and into Vidovik’s shop because I kinda wanted to get back into the business, but wasn’t sure about it. I _did_ want some form of body armor, just in case. Fucker tried to stab me because, in his eyes, I looked too good to be a bounty hunter.”

Loki snorted loudly and stirred his own food. “An idiotic move.”

“We kinda exchanged words and then he offered me a job to hunt down someone who stole a massive shipment of goods and sold it. I wanted a hefty chunk of money from the sale as payment, he questioned my ability, but shut up once I dropped I’d been with Arkane. Since he wanted me to fuck off after this guy with basically no information, I took a rifle, ammo, and personal armor as a down payment. I ended up bagging the guy for him, and we had a decent working relationship in the sense that he’d supply me with hardware.” He gestured towards the helm. “He’s the guy that gave me a tip about getting Xena’s nose cannon.”

Loki followed Clayton’s gesture and gave slight smile. “That was Xena’s idea, wasn’t it?”

“Yup! She didn’t like the idea of being basically defenseless when we bounty hunted. I mean, she had some stock weapons for basic defense, but nothing worth calling home about. So, she insisted on something big and mean. Damn thing was expensive and it cost me a lot afterwards to scrape together everything to get it secured.”

“Just from what little I’ve seen, I’d say it was well worth it.” He leaned forward to pick up the glass of beer and experimentally took a sip. While it didn’t have the same flavor as Asgardian meads, he still found it enjoyable. “This is good. Now. What movie were you wanting to watch?”

“It’s called: Pirates of the Caribbean.”


	48. Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time since mid-March, I won't have any exams. Hoping I can actually write more.

Something cool touching the back of his shoulder woke Clayton from his sleep. Blearily, he stared at the wall for a moment before he became aware of his back being touched, of old scars being traced over with gentle touches. He glanced over his shoulder at Loki who gave him a sheepish expression at being caught.

“Did I wake you?”

Slowly, Clayton stretched and made a quiet noise when he felt a joint pop. “Yeah. What’cha doing?”

“My apologies.” With a feather light touch, Loki brushed his fingers over another scar. “I woke up early and was curious about the scars on your back. I don’t know how Midgardians see them, but in Asgardian culture they’re badges of honor, essentially. Tokens of battle and lessons learned.”

“Depends on the person.” Clayton rubbed the side of his face before lightly scratching an itchy spot in his hair. “Some people hide them. Some people don’t care. Some people will design tattoos around them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Saw a picture of someone with a pretty obvious surgery spot on their leg. So, they got a Darth Vader tattoo with the scar being the lightsaber.” For the time being, he decided to stay in bed. It was Christmas Eve and with the slowly simmering anxiety that’d started in the pit of his stomach, Clayton didn’t want to leave the relative safety of the bed.

“Interesting.” While Loki found the difference in Asgardian and Midgardian tattoos to be fascinating, his thoughts didn’t linger on that topic for long. Instead, they returned to Clayton’s back. He traced his fingers over one that looked like a burn before tentatively kissing it. Loki didn’t have any intention of starting anything sexual, but he hated the idea of always relying on Clayton initiating any type of affection. Yet, at the same time, he worried about making the other man uncomfortable. Consequently, he focused intently on how the other reacted.

When nothing negative happened, he continued and slowly slipped down Clayton’s back in order to give each scar attention from his lips. Many months ago, he’d told the other man how he would have been honored to be courted by him, and this statement still held true. It had little to do with Clayton being a king, and everything with him being a warrior. The other man might call himself a soldier, but the word just happened to be a different name for the same thing.

With Asgard being a warrior-based civilization, Loki had been raised with the notion that someone who could fight was more attractive than someone who couldn’t. Yet, he hadn’t wanted _just_ a warrior. He wanted someone who could match his intelligence and wit. The man in front of him met both criteria and so, so much more.

The area where human skin blended into Orussid exoskeleton felt strange against his lips. Soft, warm human skin took on an almost waxy sensation before turning slick. Briefly, he wondered how far he should go, but his thoughts halted when he felt Clayton suddenly tense and almost tuck his tail. This prompted Loki to wiggle back up to where the pillows were at and gently touch the side of the man’s head. “Are you alright?”

Clayton let out a harsh sigh and slowly released his tight grip on his pillow. “I-I don’t know. It’s just…” He trailed off when Loki wrapped an arm around his chest and kissed his shoulder. “When you reached my waist…”

“I understand. It’s a sensitive area for you. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I should go further. Did you enjoy it before I got to that area, though?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m sorry. I’m just all sorts of fucked up, aren’t I?”

Loki gently tangled his fingers with Clayton’s. “Yes, but so am I. We’re quite the fucked-up pair, but honestly, perfect is boring. I’d rather be with someone flawed.”

“I’m just…Worried you’ll get tired of it.” The anxiety of going to his Mother’s again had shifted into something more generalized and as much as he hated the idea, Clayton honestly just needed the reassurance.

“No.” Loki suddenly sighed. “Don’t get angry, but…Xena warned me a long time ago that you had problems. She didn’t go into specifics, but told me that I’d need patience with you. Many times, I doubted myself, but I’ve decided that the effort has been well worth it.”

“Sounds like her.” He let out a dry laugh.

“I didn’t expect to ever find myself like this with you. I started out being curious about you and wanted to know more…I’m not sure when, but I fell in love with you. I know I’ve never said it, but…I do. I suppose that while you worry I’ll get tired of you, I worry that if I say it that it’ll all fall apart.”

“You’re being a hypocrite again.” Clayton glanced over his shoulder. “You kept badgering me to say it…But no…I understand. It’s just one of those big steps to take and you don’t know if it’s worth it or if it’ll get thrown in your face.”

“It really is.” Loki gave the other man’s hand a slight squeeze and tried to calm his pounding heart. Xena had been right. The damned AI always tended to be right. “The fact that you’re understanding about everything…That’s one of the reasons I love you.”

Clayton glanced over his shoulder again with a slight eyebrow raise, then looked up at the ceiling, and then back at Loki. “Well. Nothing’s falling apart.”

“Thankfully.”  Loki sighed and pressed his forehead against the back of Clayton’s neck for a moment. “Are you seriously alright, though? I don’t want to upset you accidentally if I’m being affectionate, but I also don’t want you to be the only one to be showing affection.”

“Yeah. I…Think it’s because I’m already kinda anxious about Christmas and going back to Mom’s.” Clayton went quiet for a moment as he considered things. “You know. I have an idea. We’re going to be at Mom’s all day tomorrow and we really won’t have any time to ourselves. How about we treat Christmas Eve as just Christmas for us? I’ll cook something nice and we can…I don’t know watch a movie or something.”

“Would that involve gift giving? Xena mentioned that being a part of Christmas.”

Clayton stared at the wall for a moment and smiled. “Yeah, I don’t see why not.”

After using the bathroom and while Loki fed Norna, Clayton slipped downstairs. There, he pulled the small box out of its hiding spot and returned upstairs. He blinked a few times at the wrapped box on the table. “…Right. Your magic stuff.”

Loki lightly pushed the box towards Clayton. “Open it.”

Curiously, Clayton hooked a finger under the wrapping paper and tore it open, then grinned at the slow cooker box. Quickly, he opened it up and peered at the glass lid inside. “I’m making roast for tonight.”

Leaning to the side slightly, Loki spied the box in Clayton’s hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh!” Clayton looked down at the box he held, almost shily before holding it out. “You’re the kind of person that likes dressing nicely, and you mentioned that you lost everything when Asgard was destroyed…And I kinda figured that you needed something nice for when you’re going places as a woman.”

Unsure of what he’d find, Loki slowly opened the box and stared at the necklace inside. The black metal chain, though seeming fragile, held enough strength to support the small pendant. Silver metal had painstakingly been woven around a green gem that seemed to change shades depending on how the light hit it. He looked up at Clayton, who seemed unsure, and smiled. “I think I’ll look wonderful wearing it.”

He couldn’t help but make a sigh of relief over Loki’s approval. “I’m glad you like it. It took me a bit to figure out what to get you.” Clayton looked over to the slow cooker and pulled the box over so he could begin to carefully unpack it. “How’d you know I was wanting one of these?”

“A certain AI helped.”

“Of course, she did.” After examining the appliance for a moment, he set it on the counter and rinsed out the ceramic pot before he began digging through the cabinets. “Get out that chunk of meat from the freezer I bought the other day. Then toss it in the microwave on defrost for…I’unno 5 minutes?”

Curiously, Loki did as instructed. “How does this work, anyway?”

“See these dials? They’re different temperatures. Basically, a slow cooker cooks food at a low temperature over several hours.” Drifting over to the fridge, Clayton pulled out several different types of vegetables and started washing them.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You’d think so, but it works.” After tossing the vegetables in, he checked the meat and set it to defrost for a bit longer. “You’ll love it, I promise. It’ll be done by the time it’s dinner time.”

Loki didn’t share Clayton’s assurance over the food actually cooking and figured it’d eventually burn or would still be raw. However, the other man seemed to know how to work the device, so he chose to remain quiet and instead watch Clayton cut the meat up into large chunks. After the lid had been placed on the cooker, he drifted over to peer at the food within. “Will I need to stir it or anything?”

“Nah. It’s basically a case of turn it on and forget about it. Taking the lid off will slow down the cooking anyway since it’ll have to heat back up.” After cleaning up his small mess and washing his hands, he looked over to Loki. “I don’t know about you, but I want breakfast.”

As the hours ticked by, Loki remained dubious about the idea of the slow cooker actually cooking the food. However, when he stepped into the main living area after putting something up into the bedroom, he couldn’t help but make a low noise of appreciation at the smell of the roast. “That’s starting to smell good. Is it nearly done?”

Clayton looked up with a grin. “Told you…And no. It’s only been cooking for four hours. It still needs another three, minimum. I was serious when I said it’d be ready for dinner.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope! That’s why it’s a slow cooker.” He couldn’t help but laugh when Loki sat down next to him with a huff. “You’re going to have to deal with smelling the roast for a few more hours…But seriously. It’s going to be worth the wait. I promise.”

“Oh, I believe you. I haven’t had a meal yet that wasn’t good, so I have no reason to think that you’ll lead me astray with this one.” He hesitated a moment and gave Clayton a slight frown. “About this morning…”

“I’m fine. I would have told you if you went too far, alright? You don’t need to worry about it.”

“I’m going to worry about it because I know how much it affects you, Clayton.” Loki gave the other man a very serious look. “I hope, one day, you’ll be comfortable and trust me enough that we’re able to physically be together.”

“But I do trust you!” He couldn’t help but sound a bit exasperated. “If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be letting you sleep with me. I wouldn’t have told you the things I have. I don’t…I don’t say ‘I love you’ to just anyone, Loki.”

“I know, and I’m honored that you said that to me…This is honestly my first attempt at a serious relationship. I never really had the interest because they were always something arranged, or they were just some cheap fuck. I want this to last, and while I generally know what I’m doing, this is something that’s completely new to me and I don’t want to lose what I’ve gained or fuck it up.” Loki looked away, finding it difficult to explain how he felt; he hated how jumbled it sounded to his own ears.

Sometimes, Clayton had to remind himself that Asgardians aged differently and despite Loki being much older, he was in all intents and purposes, barely an adult. “News flash: you’re going to fuck up. Repeatedly, and so am I. That’s how relationships work. One of these days, you’re going to do something that pisses me off and eventually, I’m going to do the same. You’re not going to be able to do everything perfectly, Loki. That’s just not life.”

“I know this, Clayton. It’s just…Hard.” He suddenly clammed up, unsure of how to explain the thoughts in his mind.

“You have something that’s worth a damn and it makes you happy. So, you’re scared of doing something wrong that fucks it up and losing everything.”

“Yes, exactly!” Loki’s head popped up. “I’ve spent most of my life keeping people at arm’s length and I don’t really know what to do now that I’ve found someone worth allowing close.”

Clayton shrugged as he stood up to check on the roast. “Yolo the bitch.”

“…Beg pardon?”

“Yolo was a really popular statement on Earth a few years ago. It means ‘you only live once’, and dumbasses would yell it right before they did something stupid.” He picked the slow cooker’s lid up and prodded at the food for a brief moment. “It’s kinda apt in some situations. You only have one shot at fucking around in the galaxy before you die and sometimes, you gotta jump in feet first instead of worrying about ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’. When I first got into space, Jesus Christ. I was terrified. I was away from everything I ever knew and I didn’t know what to do. I could have just stayed scared of everything or I could charge forward.”

“And you charged forward.”

“Damn right I did. It’s…Sort of the same deal here. You can be scared of fucking up and throwing me into an anxiety attack to the point of not doing anything. Or, you can accept that I’m fucked up in a lot of ways and will, at some point, probably have a screeching anxiety attack because you happened to sneeze while I was void staring.” Clayton sighed and looked at the mug on the counter before picking it up. “This is my favorite mug. I dropped it a few years ago but managed to find enough pieces to put it back together. It works great at holding coffee even though it’s cracked and missing some pieces. I’m…Kinda the same: I’ve been broken, I put myself back together, but I’m not going to be perfect ever again.”

He looked down at his feet for a moment. “That’s a long-winded way of saying that I’m not going to hold it against you if you accidentally fuck up. I don’t know what’s going to cause me issues and I sure as hell don’t expect you to. Just don’t be willfully malicious about things, that’s all I ask.”

“I’d never willingly do anything to hurt you.” Loki pushed himself up to his feet and joined Clayton at the counter. “I won’t stop asking if you’re upset, though. If you are, I want to help you so you don’t get worse.”

Clayton stared at Loki for a moment before just laughing. “Christ. Xena mothering over me was bad enough, now my boyfriend is going to do the same?”

“Well, if you won’t look after yourself, someone has to.” Loki noted, but felt immensely pleased at being called Clayton’s boyfriend.

“Ah, fuck. I walked into that one.”

Loki briefly kissed him and offered a small smile. “But is it really so terrible to have someone concerned about you?”

“Not exactly.” He admitted. “I’m just kinda used to dealing with shit by myself.”

“Except you’re not by yourself anymore.” Loki commented as he took a step back. “But I’m aware of how difficult habits are to break.”

Clayton abruptly grinned. “I guess I should take my own advice.”

“Yes, you should.” Xena abruptly butted in. “It’d do you both some good to listen to it. Maybe you two will stop dancing around the notion of upsetting each other.”

He made an exasperated noise and gestured at one of the cameras. “And there’s Xena playing ‘mom’ again.”

“Well, maybe if you took better care of yourself, I wouldn’t have to. By the way, we’re in high orbit around Earth. Are you wanting me to land at Sarah’s, or would you rather wait until tomorrow?”

“Let’s wait. Things went better last time, but I’m not exactly wanting to spend a lot of time there.” Clayton sent Loki a small smile. “Besides. It’s Christmas for me and Loki and we’re having Christmas roast for dinner.”

When dinner time finally rolled around, Loki felt impatient. The entire ship smelled like the roast and he felt impatient to try it, even though the meat had taken on a blackened appearance. “Are you _sure_ it didn’t burn?”

“Positive. That’s from the seasoning I put on it.” Clayton grabbed two bowls and took the lid off the slow cooker. “Damn that looks fantastic.”

Loki dubiously watched the other man dish out the food. While it smelled fantastic, he just didn’t feel confident that it’d be as tender as Clayton claimed. However, when he picked a bit of the meat up with his fork, he made a surprised sound when it fell apart. “It fell apart.”

“Yup. The slow cooking basically melts the fat. With most cooking, you don’t really want fatty meat, but slow cooking tends to be the exception.” He popped some of the meat into his mouth and made a happy noise. “The veggies will basically be the same way.”

“I’m sorry for doubting you.” Loki took a seat on the couch and continued to eat.

Clayton grinned. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t sound like it’d work, so if you’ve never seen one in action, I can absolutely understand why you’d be doubtful. It’s also good for making stews. So, maybe we can try some of that one of these days. Seriously, the possibilities are endless.”

“I’d like that.” Loki glanced over at one of the cameras. “Xena, could you continue playing Star Trek, please?”

“You’re almost done with the Original Series. Do you want me to play The Next Generation when you do?”

Clayton nodded. “That’d be great.”

By the time they finished watching tv, the food had cooled enough for Clayton to put it up. He knew he’d have to freeze some of the food they got from his Mom since she’d likely send the bulk of it with them, again. If she made ham again, he figured he could try making ham and bean soup since he doubted Loki had ever had any. He glanced towards Loki as the other man disappeared into the bedroom. The sudden tightness of his chest at a fleeting thought caused him to quietly sigh. He wanted to, but didn’t know if he could. It wouldn’t hurt to try, would it?

He followed Loki into the bedroom and closed the door, a habit he’d formed since they got Norna even though they kept the kitten locked in the bathroom at night. She tended to get a bit excitable in the middle of the night and jump on faces. He pushed away the thought of the cat and focused on Loki who’d already slipped into bed.

It wouldn’t hurt to try. After shedding his shirt as he always did, Clayton climbed into bed behind the other man and laid there a moment after the lights had dimmed before brushing Loki’s hair to the side in order to kiss his neck. Rather than stopping there, he lightly sucked on the spot he’d kissed to indicate he _might_ be interested in things beyond a simple goodnight kiss.

When Loki shifted onto his back, Clayton half moved on top of him to kiss him again and tangle his fingers in his hair before drifting down to the other man’s neck again. It actually surprised him when he felt his face being gently pulled back up.

“Do you want to?” Loki asked softly.

“I wanna, yeah. Don’t know if I can.” He hesitated a moment. “Don’t be mad if I can’t?”

“I never would be.”

Clayton nodded in the dark and felt down under the covers to find the bottom of Loki’s shirt so he could pull it off; it landed somewhere in the floor. With the shirt off, he shifted to straddle the other man so he wasn’t putting his back at such an odd angle. Then he abruptly sighed as a thought crossed his mind.

“What’s wrong?”

“Pretty sure I don’t have any lube.”

Loki scoffed. “I always keep some with me.” He gently nudged Clayton’s arm with the bottle. “…I’ll handle that for you.”

“…Yeah. Claws and stuff. Also, how the _fuck_ can you make shit just appear like that?”

“…I’ll explain later.”

Clayton moved to lay down next to Loki while the other man kicked off his boxers and worked on preparing himself. Already, he could feel the anxiety rolling around in his chest and he tried to push it away. Instead, he busied himself with kissing and sucking on Loki’s neck; the soft, breathy noises the other man made caused him to stiffen and he found himself surprised at how impatient he felt.

“Alright.”

After receiving the go ahead, he shifted himself back on top of Loki and pressed himself into him. The sensation around his cock made caused him to make a soft noise. It’d been way too long and he honestly had no idea how long he’d last. Beneath him, Loki pulled his head down to kiss him and murmured words of encouragement in his ear. It took him a moment to get his limbs arranged where he wanted them but once satisfied, he started thrusting, trying to find a pace he liked. He hated how his movements were hesitant, but Loki didn’t seem to care.

Clayton ducked his head down to suck on the side of Loki’s neck while he tangled his fingers in the other man’s hair; a sharp sound of enjoyment only encouraged him. It allowed him to enjoy what he felt, something he hadn’t really done in years. Dimly, he felt the fingers of one of Loki’s hands dig into his shoulder, the other dug into his hair.

He wasn’t really that vocal, more inclined to make low sounds of enjoyment, but it didn’t really matter. Loki chose to be loud enough for the both of them. He finished first, arching against Clayton with a throaty moan as he came on his stomach. Clayton slipped an arm under the other man’s waist in order to keep the angle and dug his fingers into Loki’s lower back as he frantically thrusted into him. He didn’t last much longer and sagged over onto his side once he’d finished. There, he buried his face in Loki’s neck and tried to process what he’d just done.

Saying nothing, Loki simply petted the side of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clayton's Slow Cooked Roast  
> Rump roast  
> Thin skin potatoes with the skin left on (red potatoes work best)  
> Carrots; regular or baby  
> McCormick Brown Gravy Mix; brand doesn't really matter, just as long as it's brown gravy  
> 1 cup/236ml water
> 
> Wash your veggies and toss them into your slow cooker. Depending on the size of your cooker, it might be best to quarter the potatoes and use baby carrots. Cut the rump roast up into slow cooker appropriate chunks. Remove any large veins of fat while leaving the marbling alone. Toss this into your slow cooker. Sprinkle the gravy mix onto the meat. Add your water. Make sure not to rinse the gravy off of the meat, this is where your flavoring comes from.
> 
> Turn your slow cooker on high and cook for about 8 hours. If you want, you can switch it to low for the final hour.


	49. A Holly Jolly Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need more Loki? Take a gander at my other story, [Absolution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638272), a Loki-centric fic based off of Endgame. It does have minor Endgame spoilers, so caution if you haven't seen the movie yet. [/shameless self-plug]

The sensation of the bed being empty initially confused Clayton when he woke up, but his confusion shifted to a sharp anxiety upon remembering the prior night. Honestly, it’d been a spur of the moment thing, and he didn’t know how it’d change his relationship with Loki. He worried that the other man would start hounding him for sex, just like all the others. Sure, he claimed to be different, but Clayton just couldn’t shake the worry. The sound of something being dropped in the bathroom, followed by what he assumed to be cursing, prompted him to slink out of bed. Honestly, he probably needed a shower after last night.

While the door had been left open, he hesitated at the doorway. Then, he mentally berated himself for his behavior. Things had gone relatively smoothly with Loki for much longer than his other relationships. He really needed to shake the idea that things would go wrong. When he finally stepped into the bathroom, he didn’t feel surprised to find Loki already taking a shower. He _did_ feel surprised to see the other man entirely blue. Loki technically wasn’t Asgardian. He was…Jotunn, was it? Clayton only yawned and raised an eyebrow at Loki jumping when he turned around. “What?”

Loki glanced away for a moment. “Considering the ridicule I received, I’m not a fan of people seeing me like this.”

“I don’t care if you wander around blue, like I told you a couple weeks ago.” Clayton shrugged as he sat down on the toilet in order to wait for the shower to become unoccupied. “It’s different, yeah, but…I’unno. I kinda like it?”

This threw Loki for a loop and he turned to fully face Clayton. “Why?”

“Because for one, I don’t have the same BS prejudice that Asgard has towards…I think you said it was Jotunn?” When Loki nodded, he continued. “And…God I’m bad with words. I just woke up and all, but…It looks good on you, I guess. Kinda exotic. Hell, I think you’d look like a bombshell if you were blue as a woman.”

He looked down for a moment, and then glanced back up at Clayton, a slight smile on his face. “I’ll consider it. I just worry about what the galaxy at large will think.”

“They won’t give a fuck. I doubt anyone knows what a Jotunn is and you’ll probably get a lot of positive attention, if people even care. I mean, look how weird I am. Most people don’t care unless they wanna get in my metaphorical pants. But…Just do what you wanna do. If you wanna run around as an Asgardian, cool beans. If you wanna run around as a Jotun, sweet. It doesn’t matter to me either way.”

Loki nodded slightly as he stepped out of the shower stall and took the towel Clayton offered him. “Water’s cold, by the way.”

“Kinda guessed.” Clayton leaned over to tap a button on the touch pad to switch the shower’s temperature preferences to his profile.

“Clayton, about last night…Are you doing alright?”

He hesitated on replying as he got into the shower, but finally nodded. “I think so. I’m kinda worried you might start bugging me for sex more, but that’s just past experience.”

“No, I won’t. As much as I enjoyed last night with you, I want you to be comfortable.” Loki suddenly smirked. “I can take care of my own pleasure should the need arise.”

“…That was a horrible pun.”

“I wasn’t intending it to be.” He laughed, realizing what he’d said. “But I am serious. Don’t worry about me.”

“Easier said than done.” Clayton shifted himself around in the stall and jabbed a finger at the glass with some irritation. “And for fuck’s sake, Loki. Either brush your damn hair before you take a shower, or you need to start cleaning the shower drain. I’m getting tired of pulling a disgusting mass of black hair and conditioner out of the drain.”

This prompted Loki to make a dramatic sound at being called out. “Fiiiiine. On a different note, are we going to have breakfast or go straight to Sarah’s?”

“Mom always makes fantastic cinnamon rolls on Christmas, so…” He trailed off at the sudden, faint vibration of Xena entering the atmosphere. “We should be landing pretty soon.”

Loki nodded absently as he set Norna down in front of her food bowl, then indicated the kitten. “Will she be alright by herself?”

“Yeah. Just lock her in the bathroom. One of us can go back to the ship to give her lunch and dinner. She’s got her litter box, her toys, her bowl of water, and her bed. So, she ought to be alright.” Clayton replied as he stepped out of the shower. “She might be more affectionate tomorrow when we get back to the ship because she missed us, but that’s about it.”

After dressing, Clayton followed Loki out into the main part of the ship and then drifted up to the helm. “How’s things looking, Xena?”

“It’s fine. I recommend a jacket for the moment since it’s cold out, but it’ll warm up later in the morning.”

“Don’t cause too much trouble.” He commented with a slight nod, but then rolled his eyes at the laugh he received. Knowing Xena? She’d probably shut down a few websites because someone annoyed her. Returning to the kitchen, he grinned slightly at Loki wearing the necklace. “I kinda bought that for when you’re a woman, but if you want to wear it.”

“I don’t see why what sex I am would matter.”

“Earth cultural thing, mainly. Generally, women wear necklaces with thin chains and pendants while men just tend to wear thicker chains. I don’t care and Mom’s not going to care, but you might get some weird looks if we randomly go to Walmart tomorrow.” Clayton briefly disappeared into the bedroom to grab a jacket.

“Should I attend dinner as a woman, then?”  Lightly, Loki rubbed a finger over the metal that encased the gem; he enjoyed how the patterning felt.

“Personally? I don’t care, but honestly, you kinda freaked Mom out. So…For the moment, I’d say no…Just to keep things running smoothly.”

“Normally, I’d change just for the hell of it and for the sake of stirring up trouble, but…I understand.” He followed Clayton down to the bottom level where the bays doors had opened. “You just started to develop a good relationship with your Mother and I’m not keen on damaging that since I know you get stressed about visiting.”

“Y’know. The fact that you’re so understanding about shit freaks me out sometimes. It makes me feel like you’re going to do something.” He sighed at the look Loki gave him. “I know you’re not it’s just…”

“A feeling you can’t get rid of because of your past relationships.” Loki finished for him. “As I’ve said, I’m happy and I’ve worked hard to get myself here. I’m not keen on the idea of fucking it up.”

“I know, I know. You just have to get used to me overthinking.” Clayton wrinkled his nose at the breeze and pulled his jacket tighter around himself. Unlike last time, they weren’t greeted by any kittens and the chickens were absent. “Looks like Mom put the hens up for the winter.”

“Why would winter make a difference?”

“She lets them run around when she’s got the garden going so they’ll eat all the bugs.” Stepping up to the door, he opened the screen door and knocked on the door. “Otherwise the caterpillars will just leave holes in everything.”

“What’s a caterpillar?” Loki looked towards the empty plots where the vegetable garden had once been.

“You remember that dinner I got with the grubs? That’s basically what caterpillars look like. They end up cocooning themselves and changing into winged insects, but they’re pretty destructive to gardens before they change.”

“That’s fascinating. Asgard didn’t have anything like that. I’ll need to ask Xena about them.” Loki glanced to the door at a faint ‘coming!’ from further inside the house.

“I’m sure she can get you a ton of information about them, ‘cause I don’t know much about them besides the basics.”

When Sarah answered the door, Clayton couldn’t help but grin at the smell of cinnamon rolls. “I hope you made extra, ‘cause I wanna take some rolls with me.”

“Of course, I did.” She shooed the two men inside and towards the kitchen. “I made another ham for dinner. There’s also a fresh pot of coffee if you want some.”

“Absolutely. I only got out of bed about 45 minutes ago.” Immediately, Clayton grabbed two small plates in order to put a cinnamon roll on each. He handed one plate over to Loki before he started eating his own cinnamon roll.

Curiously, Loki took the plate and squinted at the pastry for a moment before tentatively putting a forkful into his mouth. Then, he made a delighted noise at how it tasted almost exactly like something from Asgard. Quickly, he gestured at the cinnamon roll. “This tastes exactly like a sweet roll.”

Clayton grinned. “I told you that you’d find other foods in the galaxy that taste like home.”

“I can send the recipe with you.” Sarah offered. “Even if you can’t make the dough, most of the flavoring comes from the filling.”

“I’d enjoy that.” Loki paused and gave a slight smile. “I also have enjoyed that creamer you sent with us.”

“Us, huh? So, are you two official?” She gestured at Loki’s necklace and ignored the quiet ‘Jesus Christ’ from Clayton.

Looking down, Loki’s slight smile broadened. “I’m not sure if Clayton will admit it, but…Yes.”

“Oh, good. I was wondering how long you two were going to beat around the bush.” Sarah replied as she pulled a few items out of the fridge. “I didn’t want to say anything because I know how touchy Clayton can be about relationships.”

“Mom, I’m right here.”

Carefully, Loki metaphorically eased himself between the two so the conversation didn’t sour and ruin the fragile positive relationship Clayton had formed with Sarah. “I didn’t want to say anything because I respect his desire for privacy. If he doesn’t want to discuss things, then that’s his choice and I’ll go with it.”

Sarah glanced between the two with an amused look, before walking to the back door to go check on the ham. “He’s a keeper, Clayton.”

Clayton violently rolled his eyes as she went outside. “You’d think that she’d mind her own business with how old I am.”

This made Loki snort loudly. “It’s a mother thing. Look how old I am. Mine did the same thing.”

“Yeah, but you _did_ say if you translated into Asgardian age into human age that you’re like…21 or something. God, I feel like I’m robbing the cradle here.” He put his plate into the sink after rinsing it and drifted over to the coffee maker to fix himself a cup.

“Another Earth saying?”

“Yep. It’s a sort of joke saying when two people are dating or are married and there’s a significant age difference between them…But I’unno.” Clayton shrugged. “ _Technically_ , you’re older than me. So, I guess it balances out?”

“You’re overthinking things.”

“Shh. Stop calling me out on my BS.” He briefly grinned before carefully sipping of his coffee since he couldn’t be sure of the temperature.

“If anything, I should call you out on it more…Take a hint from Xena.” Loki peered at the pan of cinnamon rolls, debating the idea of having another. “When will dinner be served?”

“You’d have to ask Mom. She usually does dinner, but considering she did lunch for Thanksgiving?” He shrugged and looked to his Mom when she came back inside. “When are you going to serve up to food? Doing dinner like usual or lunch like last time?”

Sarah considered this for a moment before finally shrugging. “I don’t care either way. I always did dinner because of Sean and his side of the family. With him dead…”

Clayton looked down at his coffee cup for a moment. “In your e-mail. You said it was fast…Was it?”

“It was.” She sighed and sat down in a chair. “He had a lot of health problems towards the end. I always told him that what he ate would catch up with him. But…Even with his heart failure and high cholesterol, he still insisted on his pretzels and fried food. He hadn’t felt good that day and I thought it was because he insisted on Chinese food the night before and was retaining water. So, I told him to go weigh himself before I went out to check on the chickens and when I came back in, he was on the floor unconscious. The EMTs said he died on the way to the hospital, but they didn’t officially call it until the ambulance got there.”

“I wish I could have been there for the funeral but…” He gestured at himself to indicate his hybrid state. “I showed up probably two months after the fact.”

Sarah quietly nodded, but then sighed and looked to Loki. “I’m sorry that we keep bringing up sad topics on the holidays. You probably don’t want to be hearing all this.”

“I’d be a fool if I thought everyone’s lives are happy and joyful. I understand that you two haven’t seen each other in some time, and I’m honestly happy that you’re able to catch up.” Frankly, he only cared that they weren’t angry at each other like they’d been during their first visit.

However, Clayton opted to change the subject to something a bit more positive. “Well, the kitten’s doing well. Loki named her Norna and is absolutely fucking spoiling the hell out of her.”

“I’m glad you two picked her up. The owls got the others before I was able to find homes for them. I still don’t know what happened to their mom. How’s she doing with being on a ship, though?”

“She didn’t like the engines, at first, but she’s gotten used to them.” Loki replied. “If anything, she can be an energetic terror at times.”

“I’m serious. He spoils her. Everyday, after breakfast, he grabs her and spends a good fifteen minutes brushing her and scolding her for biting him.” He grinned, because as much shit as he talked about Norna, he knew damn well that he’d become attached to the little pest, too.

“She has a lot of fur and I don’t want her to get hairballs.” Loki gently rebutted.

“She’s a cat. I’m pretty sure that even if she didn’t have fur, she’d still manage to hack up a hairball. It’s what cats do. Just like dogs like rolling in dead things.”

“Lordy, you two already act married.” Sarah laughed as she got up to get herself another cup of coffee.

“Hey now. We’re only dating, right now. I still might discover some deal breaking bad habit that Loki has…Like…I don’t know. Liking pineapple on pizza.”

 _I assume you’re joking?_ Loki asked, considering how hard it could be at times to tell if Clayton was being serious.

_Yes, I’m fucking joking. Pineapple on pizza is absolutely disgusting and I absolutely would give you shit for it, but it’s not a massive deal breaker._

“…Uhhuh. Well, as long as I don’t walk into the living room tomorrow morning and find that you two had sex on my couch.”

Clayton immediately choked on his coffee and hung his head over the sink to cough. “Jesus Christ, Mom, no!”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Loki started.

_Don’t you fucking dare._

“We did that last night.” He finished.

Clayton let his head drop and sighed loudly. “I’m going to kill someone today, I just know it…”

_You asshole._

Loki smirked, _Well, you **were** interested in that last night._

_OH MY GOD STOP._

Sarah kept a careful poker face despite wanting to laugh, but carefully nudged the conversation in a different direction. “I think having the food for lunch would be a good idea instead of waiting.”

Clayton finally stood up straight and sent Loki a glare, but then made an annoyed sound at the shit eating grin he received in turn. After a moment, he just sighed and shook his head. It wasn’t worth getting upset over. His Mom had already figured out that they were together and probably assumed they were having sex, likely more than the actual truth. The light touch of Loki’s mind caught his attention.

_What?_

_That…Was a bit over the line, wasn’t it?_ Loki asked, carefully.

_A little, yeah. It’s one of those things I shouldn’t be touchy about, but…_

_I apologize._

Clayton sipped his coffee as he walked to the table. _No, I understand. You’re with someone, you want to brag. I’m just overly sensitive sometimes._

_Still…_

Sarah watched the two, noting how both had gone quiet, but also had the facial expressions of having a conversation. “I’m missing something, aren’t I?”

“Yep.” Clayton agreed and only grinned at her expectant look. While he’d mentioned being telepathic to her, he hadn’t explained to what degree and really, really didn’t see the need. Much to his relief, rather than asking further, she just shook her head and continuing working on the food.

This time around, Loki got drafted into helping out with dinner. While he didn’t exactly mind, he did need a bit of extra direction since he lacked the familiarity with the technology Midgardians used to cook with. Everything Clayton used tended to be a great deal more advanced.  Still, he found it enjoyable and a vast contrast to Asgardian feasts. It felt a lot more personable rather than the boisterous calamity of Asgardian feasts where one might bump into six different people before reaching the first food table. It felt a lot quieter, even.

“You’re quiet, Loki.” Sarah gently nudged his side after Clayton had left to get the ham.

“I was comparing how Midgardian holidays are so much quieter than Asgardian feasts. I’m used to massive rooms filled with 50 or more people with great tables of food. This is very reserved in comparison, but…I find it more enjoyable.”

“I’m sure you’ll find feasts like that somewhere, but, yes. Things do tend to be more reserved, at least, in this part of America. I can’t speak for the rest of the world.” She gestured for him to open the stove door for her. “I just want to say…I’m glad you and Clayton are together. He really needs someone and…I think you do, too.”

Thankfully, Clayton returned with the ham, thus giving Loki an escape from what might otherwise be an awkward conversation. Immediately, he cleared a spot on the counter for the large cooker and curiously peered at the ham when Clayton took the lid off. Round, yellowish…Fruit? Loki didn’t know, had been attached to the ham by small, wooden sticks. Baffled, he looked to Clayton and Sarah for explanation.

“Pineapple ham. The pineapple helps give flavor.” Sarah explained while she began setting up to slice up the ham. “I figured I’d cook a different style since you had the smoked paprika on Thanksgiving.”

While he felt a bit uncertain about the pineapple, considering Clayton’s earlier comment, Loki curiously poked a slice with his fork as he walked to the table. “What _is_ pineapple, anyway?”

“Type of fruit.” Clayton replied around a bite of green bean casserole. “I hate the stuff, though.”

“It’s good for you.” Sarah noted as she sat down.

“It’s literally the only fruit on Earth that digests you while you eat it.” At Loki’s somewhat concerned expression, Clayton sighed. “I’m exaggerating…Kinda. It’s on the acidic side and has enzymes in it that starts breaking stuff down. Since it’s been cooked, it probably won’t do anything. And that’s your random useless fact of the day.”

“It might be random, but it’s still interesting.” Finally, he took a tentative bite of the pineapple slice and rolled around in his mouth a bit. While different, he didn’t find the flavor to be terrible. Just…Different. “It’s…Okay. I don’t hate it, but I’m not going to rush to request it.”

“So…Meh?” Clayton asked.

“Meh?”

“Meh.” Then Clayton just laughed at Loki’s confused expression. “It’s…Basically…Saying something is okay, but you don’t really care enough to say it’s okay…So, it’s meh.”

A smile formed on Loki’s face as he nodded. “Yes, I think ‘meh’ accurately describes it.”

Dinner remained quiet, and Loki found himself liking the idea a great deal better than any of the feasts he’d attended. Certainly, he’d been able to find someone to bed for the night, but those had been little more than self-gratifying flings. There hadn’t been any emotion attached to them and he often kicked the other person out of his bed as soon as he could. This, however, had a great deal more attached to it. The sudden sensation of Clayton’s tail gently looping around his leg brought him out of his thoughts.

_You’re thinking hard._

_I’m just reflecting on how things have changed for me._ Loki leaned forward to refill his glass of wine.

_Good change or bad change?_

_Definitely good. I never imagined I’d be here, ever. I’m happy._ It felt easier to express how he felt telepathically than with words, and Loki had no idea why. While Clayton didn’t reply, the slight squeeze to Loki’s leg said plenty. _And I hope you feel the same way._

_I do._

Later that evening, Clayton made his way upstairs to his room and paused at the door as Loki continued on past him to the guest bedroom. “Why don’t you just sleep with me? There isn’t much point in sleeping in separate rooms anymore. Mom caught us making out last time we were here and you straight up told her that we had sex last night. So…No point in even attempting to hide it.”

Stepping into his room, he flipped on the light and immediately flopped onto the bed with a groan before twisting around to burrow under the covers. Behind him, Loki quietly laughed and flipped the light off before slipping into bed. Briefly, Clayton stretched before settling on his side. A moment later, he felt a tail coil around his and he glanced over his shoulder to find Loki not only as a hybrid, but a woman. “That’s new.”

“Not exactly. You saw me like this, briefly, when we met.” She released his tail and carefully climbed over him so she could press her back against his chest. Only then did she rewrap her tail around his. Already, she could feel the Orussid hive bleeding into her mind, but she pushed them away to focus on the mind next to her. _I’m…Happy and I find it easier to express that without using words, if that makes sense._

Quietly, Clayton laughed and draped his arm over Loki’s waist so that he could take her hand in his. _It does. It’s the same for me, and I don’t know why. God, I don’t know how Mom would take it if you wandered downstairs tomorrow like this._

 _Should I?_ Loki’s mental voice had a mischievous edge to it.

_You’re going to do it anyway, even if I say no, aren’t you?_

Slowly, she closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax. _Most likely, yes._

 _You’re such a mischievous little shit, you know that?_ He laughed again and pressed his forehead against the back of her head.

_Well, I **am** the Goddess of Mischief. Besides, that’s why you love me, isn’t it?_

_Damn right it is._


End file.
